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标题: sun3may托福作文练习 [打印本页]
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-11 14:25:59 标题: sun3may托福作文练习
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-1-17 22:49 编辑
1.10练习
A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.
I am convinced that a job with plenty vacations overweighs the one which offers less vacations, since more vacations contribute to individuals, the companies, and the whole society.
Initially, one issue makes me support jobs with more vacations is that people need more leisure time to keep them healthy, both physically and mentally. A recent investigation indicates that in our country, most staffs working in both companies and government institutions are enduring the gastric disease. As supplied deficient vacations, they always feel so tense everyday to complete strenuous tasks, without having their meals on time. Moreover, nowadays we always heard a large number of people complain about their problems of health, stemming from the high pressure from work. As a result, anxiety, insomnia are responsible for the family quarrels and misunderstanding, which is negative to people's mental health. More vacations, which is beneficial to our health, means more leisure time to relax, and more chances to get refreshed after heavy work.
To back up my point of view, it could be relevant to include another factor that jobs with more vacations bring benefits to the company. Although high salary really works in enhancing the efficiency of working, more vacations can reduce the lasting pressure and tension of staffs. Hence, after people spend their vacations, it is easier for them to get engaged in jobs with passion and wise ideas. As a result, company can achieve more profits because of their staffs’ efficiency. To plus, more vacations means more concerns about the staffs, so the company offering more vacations would won trust and fame among the society, and people would prefer to chose that sort of companies. For instance, in a national report, the most popular companies, namely Johnson & Johnson, P&G, are those which care more about their staffs, supplying more vacations, bonus, and so on.
An equally essential factor which deserves people’s attention is that jobs with more vacations would play an important role to keep the society in harmony. Imagine if people are well paid without enjoying enough vacations to refresh themselves, they would easily feel tiered and distressed. Therefore it is less outlets that they could place their negative emotions in. Unfortunately, people may fight or hurt others to express their distress and angers arising from working.
Today in many news report convince us that some crimes may be owing to unbearable pressure from jobs which always has offering few vacations, no matter how high the criminal are paid.
In conclusion, it is utmost necessity of jobs with more vacations, comparing with ones which offer a large number of money and less vacations. In the absence of vacations people can hardly achieve a healthy life. Further, jobs with more vacations help to raise the benefits of the companies, and the whole society’s harmony are bound to the jobs offering more vacations.
作者: hycqy 时间: 2011-1-11 15:03:11
up一下 加油啊！
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-17 20:31:46
1.17独立+综合作文练习(综合作文见下楼)
独立作文：Do you prefer to finish a project completely then to start another one or to do several projects at a time?
Many people are convinced that doing couples of projects at a time is more advisable than just coping with only one project after finishing another. However I argue that it is sensible to concentrate on dealing with one item, before we turn to the next.
Initially, one issue which makes me support this is that taking on e thing at one time, we could attain high efficiency. As is kwon, the energy and time one human owns is limited, therefore, no matter how tough the project is, concentration on the project supply the chance to utilize our energy and time efficiently. Take for my course choices for instance. When I was a freshmen in my University, I pick up several courses, including maths, economics, politics, and even history. In order to express my passion for knowledge, I also applied for a club training reading skills and another one called "Poet Group". Unfortunately, after few days busy with both my piles of homework and frequent activities of the reading club. As a result, feeling so tired, though I could never have an entire weekend to relax myself, I fail to get high marks in all the attended courses. Indeed, one can hardly cope with everything rightly and perfectly, but we can make the efficiency high, with taking one issue at one time.
To back up my point of view, it could be relevant to include another factor that we could learn more, dealing only one project at a time. For a doctor, their concentration is needed for every single patient to figure out the cause of the uncomforting, and to help them get rid of diseases. Though in some countries, because of the scanty of doctors, it may occur that several persons share one doctor; however, doctors can never learn more about the symptoms of the patients and solutions to release pains. Therefore, dealing one project at one time gives us more information, especially in searching solutions.
Adding further credibility to my argument is that completing one project before start to take another could reduce the probability of mistakes. As a proverb goes, you can never abstain all the delicacies in the world. Handling several projects at one time maybe make us feel ourselves powerful and flexible, whereas, chances for mistakes are increased, due to our own intelligent limits. No one can claim that he could always solve any problem, so it is impossible for us common people to keep smart enough at any time. In a word, mistakes are unavoidable, and just one project under finishing means fewer probabilities to make a mistakes.
In summary, it is wiser to deal with a project after finish the last one actually, for that brings us high efficiency, more information and fewer probabilities of mistakes.
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-17 20:33:13
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-1-17 20:43 编辑
TPO-7综合作文~（十分感谢修改的同学，辛苦了！）
The lecture completely retorts the points of views illustrated in the article as the instructor presented.
The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is four-day workweek would cost the company more money instead of reduce expendisure stemming from the costs of more staffs and computers. While, the reading argue that four-day workweek enable companies to spend less, because workers who just work four days would make fewer errors and feel relaxed, as a result, companies could decrease their daily costs.
Another point that the lecture uses to counteract the reading concerns is that four-day workweek failed to advance the economy, considering that four-day workweek contributes to increase the probability of working overtime, and it would raise unemployment of the whole society. However, the author claims that a four-day work week policy would bring benefits to the economy, because workers can enjoy more chances to obtain a job and have more time to refresh themselves.
The professor also indicates that four-day workweek does not mean more free time; instead, working just four days would be responsible for the reduction of their life quality. Unfortunately, workers would suffer more rigid perform management in the company. This is incompatible with the reading whose suggestion is that four-day workweek offer more leisure time for workers to spend with their families, or going out for some activities, which contribute for a high life quality.
那个，暂时还米有学会传附件的说。。。不好意思啦= =
作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-18 00:29:37
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: peanut1008 时间: 2011-1-18 15:35:04
咱定个题目大家一起写 改怎么样 也在准备作文
作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-18 21:21:49
Many people are convinced that doing couples of projects at a time is more advisable than just coping with only one project after finishing another. However I argue that it is sensible to concentrate on dealing with one item, before we turn to the next. .
Initially, one issue which makes me support this is that taking on a thing at one time, we could attain high efficiency. As is kwon, the energy and time one human owns is limited, therefore, no matter how tough the project is, concentration on the project supply the chance to utilize our energy and time efficiently. Take for（去掉） my course choices for instance. When I was a freshmen in my University, I pick up several courses, including maths（math）, economics, politics, and even history. In order to express my passion for knowledge, I also applied for a club training reading skills and another one called "Poet Group". Unfortunately, after few days busy with both my piles of homework and frequent activities of the reading club.（后面应该还有句子吧） As a result, feeling so tired, though I could never have an entire weekend to relax myself, I fail to get high marks in all the attended courses. Indeed, one can hardly cope with everything rightly and perfectly, but we can make the efficiency high, with taking one issue at one time.
To back up my point of view, it could be relevant to include another factor that we could learn more, dealing only one project at a time. For a doctor, their concentration is needed for every single patient to figure out the cause of the uncomforting（discomfort）, and to help them get rid of diseases. Though in some countries, because of the scanty（deficiency） of doctors, it may occur that several persons share one doctor; however, doctors can never learn more about the symptoms of the patients and solutions to release pains. Therefore, dealing one project at one time gives us more information, especially in searching solutions..
Adding further credibility to my argument is that completing one project before start to take another could reduce the probability of mistakes. As a proverb goes, you can never abstain(obtain) all the delicacies in the world. Handling several projects at one time maybe make us feel ourselves powerful and flexible, whereas, chances for mistakes are increased, due to our own intelligent limits. No one can claim that he could always solve any problem, so it is impossible for us common people to keep smart enough at any time. In a word, mistakes are unavoidable, and just one project under finishing means fewer probabilities to make a mistakes.
In summary, it is wiser to deal with a project after finish the last one actually, for that brings us high efficiency, more information and fewer probabilities of mistakes.
写的不错。层次清晰例子也贴切。 语气也很流畅，稍微注意一下词性就好了 加油哦
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-19 17:07:27
1.19独立作文（修改的同学辛苦了！）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.
When it comes to the issue that for us, nowadays both writing and reading skills are not as crucial as in the past, I certainly argue that those skills would not be obsolete and useless. Moreover, the ability to write and read still plays an essential role in our lives, without which we cannot learn about the past, the current, and the future.
Initially, one factor come to support my point of view is that with writing and reading skills, it is possible for us to learn about the past, which I mean, the history. As is known, archeologists contribute their efforts to unveil some miseries in the history, such as the epoch a country was found, and the accurate identification of a delicate antique. No on e could deny that the procedure of the archeologists' discoveries need their supreme skills including reading the obscure characters on stones, and writing a concrete, justified and well-organized report to the public about their founding. Therefore, it is the writing and reading abilities that enable us to learn about our history.
To back up my argument, it is relevant to include another factor that both the writing and reading skills are needed for us in obtaining the current information, making us knowledgeable about how our world is now. Though someone insist that, writing and reading abilities are no more useful due to the boom of the digital revolution, I argue that in this digital age, we are required to know how to write words and how to reading them, because even before the computer screen, if you want to search some information about the current, the first thing is to type the "key words", which is relevant to your writing skill. After a few seconds, you may get a large number of articles fitting your needs, at next, it is reading skill that enable you to collect articles from the searching results. Without skills to write and read, we would hardly learn more about the resent world, taking all the characters in articles, newspapers as just piles of silent symbolic.
Adding further credibility to my argument is that abilities to write and read enable us to learn about the future. For most scientists, the radical part of their work is presumption. As a proverb goes, the past pave the way for the future. Scientists would write papers about their new finding, indicating rules of both nature and our human society. Consequently, learning those theories after reading give us the probability to predict in certain fields, such as in stuck markets, climate changes, and even human behaviors. Clearly, Writing and reading skills bring us the opportunity to learn more about our future.
In conclusion, living in a digital life, the time which we actually write with a pen and reading books may be increasingly shortened, however, the ability to read and writing could would essential, because we still mostly utilize characters in recording information. Without the ability to write and read, barely can we learn about the past, now, and the future.
作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-1-20 09:58:00
When it comes to the issue that for us, nowadays both writing and reading skills are not as crucial as in the past, I certainly argue that those skills would not be obsolete and useless. 这里说的不太好。因为题目说的是less important,而不是completely not important.not obsolete and useless 也可以是less important. Moreover, the ability to write and read still plays an essential role in our lives, without which we cannot learn about the past, the current, and the future.8 k4 m7 j9 x. e/ X$ E
5 t' h: E! Q$ _* `8 L! e
Initially, one factor come to support my point of view is that with writing and reading skills, it is possible for us to learn about the past, which I mean, the history. As is known, archeologists contribute their efforts to unveil some miseries in the history, such as the epoch a country was found, and the accurate identification of a delicate antique. No on e could deny that the procedure of the archeologists' discoveries need their supreme skills including reading the obscure characters on stones, and writing a concrete, justified and well-organized report to the public about their founding. Therefore, it is the writing and reading abilities that enable us to learn about our history.这一段貌似有偏离问题的嫌疑。只是讲了reading and writing skills 的作用，但是没有牵扯到more/less important than before
3 |' p" R7 }! J9 c9 I' H& K6 ~To back up my argument, it is relevant to include another factor that both the writing and reading skills are needed for us in obtaining the current information, making us knowledgeable about how our world is now. Though someone insist that, writing and reading abilities are no more useful due to the boom of the digital revolution, I argue that in this digital age, we are required to know how to write words and how to reading them, because even before the computer screen, 这个句子结构好像有点问题，if you want to search some information about the current, the first thing is to type the "key words", which is relevant to your writing skill.（小意见：writing skill我觉得更侧重写作能力，这个例子好像是spelling skill） After a few seconds, you may get a large number of articles fitting your needs, at next, it is reading skill that enable you to collect articles from the searching results. Without skills to write and read, we would hardly learn more about the resent world, taking all the characters in articles, newspapers as just piles of silent symbolic.
; y0 n. e. C+ ?( g7 \* T6 M3 Z9 J1 J9 b- [" C/ p3 e
Adding further credibility to my argument is that abilities to write and read enable us to learn about the future. For most scientists, the radical part of their work is presumption. As a proverb goes, the past pave the way for the future. Scientists would write papers about their new finding, indicating rules of both nature and our human society. Consequently, learning those theories after reading give us the probability to predict in certain fields, such as in stuck markets, climate changes, and even human behaviors. Clearly, Writing and reading skills bring us the opportunity to learn more about our future.7 u# _3 v; g' F
( N# Q0 L/ D* A. {3 j2 W+ T/ H4 xIn conclusion, living in a digital life, the time which we actually write with a pen and reading books may be increasingly shortened, however, the ability to read and writing could would essential, because we still mostly utilize characters in recording information. Without the ability to write and read, barely can we learn about the past, now, and the future.
文章的整体没什么大问题，但是我觉得论证的时候最好能够体现出than before来，不然有跑题嫌疑
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-24 17:16:10
1.24独立作文练习（修改的同学辛苦了~）
题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Visiting museums is the best way to learn a country？
As far as I am concerned, visits to museums are prior when we have curiosity for a country. Indeed, during the process of visits, we could learn a large amount of knowledge about the country's history, culture and also the people.
Initially, the first factor come into my mind is that visiting museums enables us to learn about history of a country. When we walk down the path of the museum, number of antique collections are exhibited, representing the historical scene or show us when was the country formed, how is the life of people dwelling in the country, and what they produced and created. Efficiently, without reading quantity of papers, we can have both a large version and details about the country's history.
To back up my point of view, it is relevant to include another factor that taking a visit to the museum not only brings us much knowledge of the country's past, but also presents the culture vividly. Though someone indicates that culture is difficult to be understood and hard to be presented, I argue that with the help of museums, we could show everyone that culture could be articulate and vivid. Take the national museum of my country for an instance, the staffs there set the exhibition into different part in various ways. To present the beauty of my country's splendid landscape, a huge Led screen is utilized to show the audience what the scene of my country is really like, from the west to the east, the lowest and the highest. At the meanwhile, a group of young musicians are employed to play both the tradition and the present popular music in the country, showing the audiences the music culture of our own.
Adding further credibility to my argument is that the process of visiting a museum is also a process of learning about the local people, during which we could observe, listen and talk to them. Due to the visitors are involved in a environment with lot of folks in the museum, including the staffs of the museum and the audiences coming from the country. As one proverb goes, Observation is the best way to learn from others. Through observation of the local people, we can know their behavior habits, including their accents, gestures, as well as the preference. Additionally, when we listen and talk to them, we can learn about their language, which plays a essential role in their culture. As is known, listening and talking to the local people could largely advance our process of obtaining one foreign language, which is beneficial to improve our understanding of the culture of the country.
In summary, taking a visit to museum is the most advisable way to learn a country, through which we can achieve to learn about the history, culture and the people of the country.
作者: a08805436 时间: 2011-1-24 23:33:39 标题: RE: sun3may托福作文练习
As far as I am concerned, visits to museums are prior when we have curiosity for a country. Indeed, during the process of visits, we could learn a large amount of knowledge about the country's history, culture and also the people.
Initially, the first factor come into my mind is that visiting museums enables us to learn about history of a country. When we walk down the path of the museum, number of antique collections are exhibited, representing the historical scene or show us when was the country formed, how is the life of people dwelling in the country(此处的单复数), and what they produced and created. Efficiently, without reading quantity of papers, we can have both a large version and details about the country's history. （不是很明白）
To back up my point of view, it is relevant to include another factor that taking a visit to the museum not only brings us much knowledge of the country's past, but also presents the culture vividly.（好！） Though someone indicates that culture is difficult to be understood and hard to be presented, I argue that with the help of museums, we could show everyone that culture could be articulate and vivid. Take the national museum of my country for an instance, the staffs there set the exhibition into different part in various ways. To present the beauty of my country's splendid landscape, a huge Led screen is utilized to show the audience what the scene of my country is really like, from the west to the east, the lowest and the highest. At the meanwhile（貌似就是meanwhile？希望查下）, a group of young musicians are employed to play both the tradition and the present popular music in the country, showing the audiences the music culture of our own
Adding further credibility to my argument is that the process of visiting a museum is also a process of learning about the local people, during which we could observe, listen and talk to them. Due to the visitors are involved in a environment with lot of folks in the museum, including the staffs of the museum and the audiences coming from the country.（这句话的语法结构不是很明白） As one proverb goes, Observation is the best way to learn from others. Through observation of the local people, we can know their behavior habits, including their accents, gestures, as well as the preference. Additionally, when we listen and talk to them, we can learn about their language, which plays a essential role in their culture. As is known, listening and talking to the local people could largely advance our process of obtaining one foreign language, which is beneficial to improve our understanding of the culture of the country.
In summary, taking a visit to museum is the most advisable way to learn a country, through which we can achieve to learn about the history, culture and the people of the country.
总的来说，字数很足.就是有些细节需要再仔细推敲下
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-25 15:53:10
1.25
TPO-2 综合~
The speaker completely disapprove of the points of views illustrated in the passage as the speaker presented in the lecture, a team has many disadvantages in company work, on the contrary, the author of the reading insists that working with a team brings lot of benefits.
Initially, the professor use to cast doubt on the reading, indicating that though some one in the team would not get involved in the work, unfairly, some diligent people may complete most of the project. However, in the reading, the author argues that all members in the team would get engaged in the project with their expertise and knowledge.
Another point that the lecture uses to counteract the reading concerns that a team failed to offer every member to be recognized after the work done , because names of all members can hardly be showed, instead, people just know the project is the outcome of the whole team's efforts. This is incompatible with the article's points that teamwork enables members to shine and to get well-known, encouraging the contribution from all members.
The professor also indicates that instead of completing projects quickly, working with a team always means a period of time spent on various conferences, discussing about how to do with the work. While, the author of the reading claims that members can solve the problems in the projects quickly with the assistance of other members of team.
In conclusion, the points in the lecture opposes what is presented in the reading, the disadvantages of being a team which the professor demonstrated indicate that advantages to create a team when coping with a project are certainly in doubt.
作者: charlieqc 时间: 2011-1-25 17:55:56
10# sun3may
大大~~你的独立~~1.24
作者: 静音 时间: 2011-1-26 14:23:03
The speaker completely disapprove of the points of views illustrated in the passage as the speaker presented in the lecture, a team has many disadvantages in company work, on the contrary, the author of the reading insists that working with a team brings lot of benefits.
" j1 Z( _6 F6 t3 x* M% b0 }" T. x
Initially, the professor use （是我底子不好么？不应该是use what）to cast doubt on the reading, indicating that though some one in the team would not get involved in the work, unfairly, some diligent people may complete most of the project. However, in the reading, the author argues that all members in the team would get engaged in the project with their expertise and knowledge.
Another point that the lecture uses to counteract the reading concerns that a team failed to offer every member to be recognized after the work done , because names of all members can hardly be showed, instead, people just know the project is the outcome of the whole team's efforts. This is incompatible with the article's points that teamwork enables members to shine and to get well-known, encouraging the contribution from all members.
（我觉得这里加个连接词比较好）The professor also indicates that instead of completing projects quickly, working with a team always means a period of time spent on various conferences, discussing about how to do with the work. While, the author of the reading claims that members can solve the problems in the projects quickly with the assistance of other members of team.
In conclusion, the points in the lecture opposes what is presented in the reading, the disadvantages of being a team which the professor demonstrated indicate that advantages to create a team when coping with a project are certainly in doubt.（为甚我觉得最后一段有点乱。）
水平有限呐，如果我批得不好请指正。
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-26 19:45:18
1.26独立
这篇写的够纠结，感觉就是词穷，没思路，希望和大家交流一下怎么处理这种题目~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some scientists are responsible for the negative impacts that made by their discoveries.
When it comes to the issue that scientists have responsibility for some negative effects posed by their founding, I am convinced that it is scientists who should be blamed mostly if their theories brought unpleasant result like disasters or panics to us.
Initially, the foremost factor coming up in my mind is that as a proverb goes, every coin has two sizes, every theories and results of experiments demonstrated by scientists own both active impacts and the negative ones, which scientists should understand. Take a report written by one scientist of medicine in my country for an instance, it is the report that warns people that drinking milk everyday do harm our health for several reasons. As a result, after couple of weeks, the sales of the native milk dramatically fell down. Worse, piles of companies manufacturing milk endured a terrible lose, ending up with bankruptcy. Therefore the report harmed the milk industry, and the whole economy was influenced badly. Without the understanding of the negative effects caused by the report, the scientist should be responsible for he fail to check the effects of his report before publication.
To back up my point of views, it is another relevant factor that negative effects may be indiscernible until someday we unfold the secrets of their influence. The responsibilities of the scientists are not only consist working out theories, devising new appliances, and searching the relationship between reality and practices, but also include enlighten people that applying some justified theories may impact negatively on us in the future. As is known, the inventor of the plastic bags finally suicide, due to his ignorance of the dreadful effects to the environment for hundreds decades. We always can hardly recognize the negative impacts of scientist's founding, because the unpleasant effects are always invisible, which need to be declared by scientists.
Adding further credibility to my argument is that though someone insists that sometimes the scientists fail to control the negative impacts due to people's wrong-doing applying the theories recklessly, some negative effects could be avoided if scientists offer their suggestions before people take the "dangerous" theory into practice.
In summary, I believe some scientists should be blamed when the unpleasant results causing by their discoveries make people suffered.
作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-1-27 11:21:20
改好了。这篇确实比较抽象。
作者: charlieqc 时间: 2011-1-27 17:44:18
15# sun3may
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-29 21:32:42
改的同学辛苦
1.29独立一篇
作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-1-30 20:39:38
改好了。。。上午忘记传了。。。。
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-7 23:18:59
2.7独立
虽然这次题目比较好上手，不过几天不写手还是很生，修改的同学辛苦！
发现自己在固定的时间内举不出很好的例子，希望能和修改的同学探讨一下。
作者: hdchangie 时间: 2011-2-8 09:46:06
2月7日独立作文改好了
作者: py5223 时间: 2011-2-8 18:53:14
Though many people holds thatworking overweighs staying with family,
I argue that we can not underestimate the importance of being withfamily. Since our family not only bring us the mental energy for work, but offerthe necessary information for our life. In addition, staying with family isbeneficial to our offspring.
The first point coming into mymind is that our family supports us spiritually for the work. Nowadays, workingpeople always are bombarded by pile of laborious tasks, feeling tired and boredoften. Fortunately, family never fails to refresh us due to its special atmosphere. Home always make us feel cozyand relaxed. Via talking and playing with our dearest families, we can bepulled out of the negative mentions resulting from the tenuous（这个词放在这是什么意思呢） work.
To back up my point of view, it isa relevant factor that staying with family could supply us with the chances toobtain much information. In such age called information age, it is crucial toget abundant message to survive. More messages mean more information, and moreinformation means more preference when facing with work. Take businessmen ofumbrella for an instance, chatting with their families about the changes oflocal climate may enlighten them that there would be a great need of umbrellas.As a result, they could raise the yield of their production and promote theirumbrellas beforehand. Admittedly, there are varied approaches to gaininformation, like searching on the Internet, or resorting to the officialperson. However, sometimes the message coming from the family has morecredibility on some aspects.这个事例感觉有点牵强，这种信息和任何人交流都可以得到
Adding more credibility to myargument is that being with family is of benefit to our children. It iswell-known that family plays an essential role through a person's life. If wespend more time on working rather than staying with our children, they would vulnerableto mental diseases since the scanty of love and careness which is based on muchtime shared by families.
In conclusion, staying with family overweighs whencompared with working. Family offers us the mental energy to work, thenecessary information. To plus, spending more time with families including ouroffspring is needed.
总体结构不错 第二个事例有点牵强
好词好句用绿色标出了 学习了！
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-9 10:21:09
2.8独立
开始写的有感觉了，不过严重超时了。囧。
辛苦修改的同学了。
作者: hdchangie 时间: 2011-2-9 11:52:30
改好了
作者: shadowran 时间: 2011-2-9 21:17:57
2.8
改
改晚了，抱歉
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-10 10:54:19
2.9独立~
修改的同学辛苦！
作者: WoYaoChiJiTui 时间: 2011-2-10 12:05:59
2.9已改，请查收
[attach]160802[/attach]
作者: shadowran 时间: 2011-2-10 19:13:00
2.9 改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-11 12:19:59
2.10独立
放上来晚了~抱歉~
作者: candis712 时间: 2011-2-11 16:50:45
2.10独立
When it comes to the environmental issue, some people may feel difficult to deal with them (it), since it is believed that environmental issues include several tangled aspects, which no individuals could come up with a preferable solution to cope with. However, I hold that the issues on environment are not complex, every individual has the capability to devote themselves (单数)in the career of environmental protection.
The first factor coming to my minds which serves to supports（support） my point is that the environmental issue is of no complexity for individuals, since our daily life and work, which are closely bound to the environment, offer us the chance to take some measures to assist in the environmental protection. Take me for an instance, a pile of things I could do to deal with the environmental issue, such as throwing different sorts of trash in right bins, not wasting food for less (改成in order to reduce 可能好理解些) consumption of resource, and watching the environmental news to keep up with the latest report about the air pollution. And those staffs I have done fail to be complex, (in other words, 加个插入语让I 到we的转变更平缓) all we need to do with the environmental protection are treating our environment friendly in daily life.
To back up my point, a relevant factor cannot be ignored that it is individual’s responsibility that concludes（这词不合适，可改用include 或involve） dealing with the environmental issue. As one member of the earth, we are obliged to care about our environment, instead of complaining the difficulties of protecting it. Moreover, the complaint seems to be just an excuse that protection of environment composed by so many aspects that individuals could hardly figure them out. (这句没理解。。。)In fact, for（为避免for的重复，可用considering） our responsibility for the environment, it is essential to take efforts to fix the environmental problems rather than watching outside without doing anything.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that though environmental issues sometimes occur unpredictably and appear to be tough to handle, we should have confidence that they could be perfectly (perfectly,貌似不现实，可用eventually )solved. And in the battle with the environment problems, everyone has his role. As for scientists, they are responsible for searching the causes of certain environmental issue. As individuals, it is advisable to treat the environment friendly in our daily life. （这句和第二段结尾雷同）
In summary, I disagree with the point that environmental issues are too complex so it is of difficulty for people to deal with. To plus, responsibility for protecting our environment overweighs（我觉得最好不省略，比如可以overweighs this challenge.）
结构清晰，每个要点开头都写得不错很醒目，用自己举例子很有说服力。蓝色的词和短语不错，我不太常用，可以借鉴来替换啦。
有几处单复数要注意一下。
提一点，第二段说环境问题毫无困难，第四段说有时有点棘手，不知道算不算冲突？我自己的作文也有类似的情况不好衔接，可以考虑加几句过渡让观点更鲜明。
今天第一次帮别人改作文，改得不好，以后慢慢积累经验，多多指教啊~ 另外请问怎么在回复里面添加附件啊？
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-11 21:57:51
30# candis712
上传附件需要一定的等级。。。我一开始也不能上传附件，等在论坛里发一段时间的帖就好了~
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-12 09:01:16
2.11综合 & 独立
木有鸭梨就木有成果啊~坚持写下去！
感谢修改的同学！
作者: py5223 时间: 2011-2-12 10:48:24
Do you agree with the following statement?Some people think to watch a movie in a cinema is better, but others think athome is better
The topic which approach is better to watcha movie appears to raise a controversy. Someone holds appreciating a movie athome is prior. However, I am convinced by the point that taking a seat in thecinema to watch the movie is preferable.
The first factor coming into my mind isthat compared with home, the cinema facilitates better performance of a movieat two aspects. On one hand, the movies shown in the cinema have better accoustic(acoustic)outcome, with developed musical equipments such as the amplifier, whichattracts a majority of people coming to the cinema. On the other hand, it isthe huge screen hung up in the cinema, helping presenting every picture in themovie vividly, that made the process of watching movie an excellent experience.However, for most people, it is of no possibility to own such equipment of thecinema in their home. As a result, it is wise to watch a movie in the cinemainstead of in home.
To back up my points of view, it isrelevant to conclude that when watching movies in the cinema, we can gain alarge number of opportunities to make friend who have the similar taste on themovie. Take myself for an instance, as a loyal movie nut, I always kill myspare time by watching latest movies. And Mr. Bean is one of my favourite(favorite).As a result, any new Mr. Bean’s movie is never missed by me. In the cinema,besides watching the perfect movie, I have got to know lots of friend who isthe big nut of the Mr. Bean too. Therefore, sharing the interests on both thesame movie and the some heroes, we could have more pleasant experiences aboutthe movie with having new friends.
Adding more credibility to my argument is thatthough staying at home and put an DVD to appreciate a movie could makepeople
feel cozy and relaxed, a cinemado not fail in let people soothed（能不能改成make people feel comfort）. With a bottle of pop corn and a cup ofcoffee, watching a movie in the cinema serves to be a funny and relaxedexperience after working diligently for days.
In conclusion, I prefer watching movies inthe cinema rather than in home. To plus, it is advisable to buy a ticket towatch a movie in which the movie was exactly born for.
建议楼主每个分论点都加一个事例
这篇文章只有一个例子感觉也有点少
作者: henryguowencong 时间: 2011-2-12 11:57:41
这是你2.10独立的修改 很抱歉改晚了 水平不佳改的不好请见谅~:D
作者: henryguowencong 时间: 2011-2-12 11:59:09
When it comes to the environmental issue, some people may feel difficult to deal with them, since it is believed that environmental issues include several tangled aspects, which no individuals could come up with a preferable solution to cope with. However, I hold that the issues on environment are not complex, every individual（与后面的themselves匹配，改为individuals） has the capability to devote themselves in the career of environmental protection.
The first factor coming to my minds which serves to supports my point is that the environmental issue is of no complexity（变得好！） for individuals, since our daily life and work, which are closely bound to the environment, offer（offering） us the chance to take some measures to assist in（这个in是不是可以去掉？） the environmental protection. Take me（myself) for an instance, a pile of things I could do to deal with the environmental issue, such as throwing different sorts of trash in right bins, not wasting food for less consumption of resource, and watching the environmental news to keep up with the latest report(s) about the air pollution. And those staffs I have done fail to be complex, all we need to do with the environmental protection are(is) treat（改成treating或者to treat） our environment friendly in daily life.
To back up my point, a relevant factor cannot be ignored that it is individual’s responsibility that concludes dealing with the environmental issue. As one member of the earth（one of the members on the earth?), we are obliged to care about our environment, instead of complaining the difficulties of（in） protecting it. Moreover, the complaint seems to be just a(an) excuse that protection of environment composed by so many aspects that individuals could hardly figure them out. In fact, for our responsibility for(to?) the environment, it is essential to take efforts to fix(solve?) the environmental problems rather than watch(watching) outside without doing anything.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that though environmental issues sometimes occur unpredictably and appear to be tough to handle, we should have confidence that they could be perfectly solved. And in the battle with the environment problems, everyone has his role. As for scientists, they are responsible for searching the causes of certain environmental issue. (加一个连接词比较好)As individuals, it is advisable to treat the environment friendly in our daily life.
In summary, I disagree with the point that environmental issues are too complex so it is of difficulty for people to deal with. To plus, responsibility for protecting our environment overweighs.
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-13 11:19:51
2.12 独立
感谢修改的同学！
感觉这篇的词穷了点。要加油继续巩固单词。。。。
作者: kaolaliang 时间: 2011-2-13 18:25:01
2.11 综合修改
改迟了 不好意思~
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-15 20:33:14
偶回来啦~
新的作文，继续努力！
改的同学辛苦啦~
作者: feifeionly 时间: 2011-2-16 06:03:23
本帖最后由 feifeionly 于 2011-2-16 06:04 编辑
38# sun3may
修改的文章
作者: 林水监 时间: 2011-2-16 16:32:29
38# sun3may
修改过了，也学习了不少~~楼主的结构和句式都很赞的
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Has technology made children less creative than they were in thepast.
With the booming of the technology, manyconcerns that the negative effluence caused by the technology would ruin the competenceof children result in a public discussion. As far as I am concerned, the technologyshould not be blamed if our children became less creative with largely usingit.
The first factor coming into my mind isthat instead of decreasing the creation of the children, the technology, which iswidely facilitated such as the Internet, digital technology and the wirelesstechnology, plays an essential role in advancing children's creation. Take theInternet for an instance, with the application of the Internet, nowadayschildren are able to communicate with others all over the world, while thechildren in the past maybe only could keep touch with the persons (person) who appearsto be always alongside, like their parents and neighbors. To plus, with theassistance of website, some children came up with the idea that staying onlinewith other member(members) of a study group on a certain course, in order toshare (the)newest information about the course and solve problems in learning.
To back up my points of view, it is relevantto conclude that though the technology could bring us much convenience whendealing with complicated stuffs, the loss of creation do(does) not result fromthe technology itself, but the children who use it. Crowds of children wastetheir time on the Internet, rather than utilizing it, chatting, strolling, andplaying online games. Unfortunately, the creation of those children fails to beleveled up by the Internet. As for them, the technology like the Internet seemsto be a toll (tool?) which could console and company them, not a tool withwhich they could increase the capability on searching and coping with theknowledge.
Adding more credibility to my argument isthat it is unfair to state that our children today behave less creative thanthe past no matter whether the technology improved or not. In fact, through alarge number of scientists are growing in the area when the technology arethriving. Watt could hardly invent the new engine which applied the energy fromvapor without the advance of industrial technology before. Whereas, Newton who unveiled theprinciple of the universe, without any boom of technology. Therefore, it is notadvisable to indicate that thanks to the technology, our children are lesscreative than ones living in the past.
In conclusion, technology could assist tomake our children creative. However, if it is wrongly used, our children may sufferfor the indefinite blind addiction to the technology.
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-17 12:16:38
2.16独立
交作业啦 辛苦了 修改的同学！
（现在慢慢保证每天一篇，不过没什么太多时间好好总结啊。要再挤时间！）
作者: shadowran 时间: 2011-2-17 15:39:38
2.16 改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-17 17:20:21
2.17综合~
交上来了~大家元宵快乐！
作者: sEven_zh 时间: 2011-2-17 21:11:33
不好意思今天有事所以晚了~不会发附件所以直接黏贴了
When it comes to the issue that whether theteacher affects the students more than their peers, I strongly approve of thepoints that the influence on the students fromteachers pales in the comparison (versus) totheir friends. Moreover, the effects from the peers always play an essentialrole in one person's life, no matter in the history, in present, or in thefuture.
The first factor coming into my mind isthat when looking into the history book, it is not difficult to discover thatmany outstanding people receive large amount of influence from their friends.In the history, a crowd of people fail to enjoy the enlightening from theteacher due to the poverty, instead, they get rudimentary education from theirlittle friends. Sharing books or chatting with each other could bring themfresh and vivid knowledge learned from theirpeers (好像有点画蛇添足). In fact,friends playing with throughout the childhood influence the development of manyhistorical people, like a emperor named Liu Bang, and a great administratorcalled Shuya Bao.
To back up my argument, it is a relevantfactor that in（at） thepresent, we still get largely affected by our friends rather than from theteachers. Take me for an instance, with/since/as spendinglonger time in chatting and surfing on the Internet, my friends and I alwaysexchange our ideas about the latest news and preferable books. On one hand, Itis my friends that influence me more on which closes to purchase, and whichmovie could be appreciated. On the other hand,my teachers only instill me with knowledge on certain courses, which maybe failto affect my daily life directly.
Adding more credibility to my points isthat even in the future, the influence from our friends could hardly get paled becausethey are always around us and supply us with specific suggestion on our life.According to some prediction, our life would becomemore digital(be digitized) in the future, which means it is of muchconvenience to handle stuffs like writing papers, reviewing books, or evencreating new appliances. As a result, the teachers who are standing before thewrite board and taking a course may be replaced by a teaching system and acomputer which restored much reference relative to the course. Meanwhile, therole of friends would not change, for their advices and preference which alwaysinfluence us greatly.
In conclusion, friends influence usstudents more compared with teachers, since their crucial role on our life,whether in the history, in present or in the future.
作者: PsMaggie 时间: 2011-2-18 11:24:09
修改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-18 11:39:01
2.17独立
这次超时3分钟。唔，要再快一些！
感谢修改的同学！
作者: ag923 时间: 2011-2-18 22:55:03
还不怎么会用，不知道怎么添加附件，只好粘贴在这里了，如有哪里不对，可以互相讨论啊~~
Nowadays the issue that is (我觉得应该是定语从句吧，应该加个系动词) to assure children's studying, constricting their time spent on the TV and movies raises a public discussion. As far as I am concerned, it is advisable for parents to conduct children not get indulged in the TV and movies, so as to (我觉得是不是该加which) guarantee their well-being at school, including achieving high marks on courses and behaving decently on the campus.
The first factor coming into my mind is that
去掉since (做连词应该是连接两个句子) watching TV and movies always could take up a large amount of time and energy for a school child, who is readily engaged in the entertainment. Take watching a movie which usually lasts for more than two hours for 去掉an instance, that may make children exhausted after they finish appreciating it with concentration directly on the screen and keeping concerning on the details in the movie. In fact, despite of the energy cost by the movie, children lost their precious time during watching movies. As a result, without limiting on the movies time, children would not gain enough time and energy to dedicate themselves to the stuffs of school.
To back up my points of view, it is relevant to include the (a) factor that it is inevitable for the children to receive some negative information from both the TV programs and movies without limit from their parents. Conduction from parents could enlighten children which is right or wrong. Some TV programs today fail to realize that sorts of information添加which (主语不可以省略that) maintained like violence and indecent jokes could contaminate the minds of the children. If no warning to the children on certain programs which are not fit for them to watch, unpleasant results maybe happened, like creating a violent character of the children or raising a criminal probability in the community when the school kids grow up.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that admittedly the content in the TV and movies could bring much knowledge ranging from various fields, such as natural science, humanity, and the Art. However, watching TV and movies under parents' conduction, it is much (用more是不是会更好？) safe for students to absorb information they really need and assist them to obtain well-being in school.
In summary, it is of great necessity for children to have their parents' limiting on their time of watching TV and movies, for their better marks and behaviors in school.
我的语法知识不是很好，所以能力真的很有限，也不知道改的地方是否正确，仅做参考吧。我的写作水平和各位同学差距不小啊，希望之后的路上互相帮助，共同进步哦，加油！！！
作者: PsMaggie 时间: 2011-2-18 22:58:29
修改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-21 21:20:14
2.21独立
这次写的时间长了点。唔，有点伦理学的感觉。。。希望没有太偏。
感谢修改的同学！
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-22 19:34:10
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-2-23 10:41 编辑
2.22独立 和 综合（请注意文件名）
辛苦修改的同学啦！
作者: PsMaggie 时间: 2011-2-22 19:57:42
修改
作者: shadowran 时间: 2011-2-23 10:16:12
2.22gai
作者: feifeionly 时间: 2011-2-23 13:39:48
本帖最后由 feifeionly 于 2011-2-23 13:52 编辑
藕来鸟！加油这次作业完成得不错
作者: beangt 时间: 2011-2-23 20:15:41
2.22综合修改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-24 10:43:26
2.23独立
突然发现这篇写过。
辛苦修改的同学！
作者: hdchangie 时间: 2011-2-24 14:52:36
改好了哈~
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-25 10:28:51
2.24独立~ 辛苦修改的同学了！
（努力着不超时。。。）
作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-25 12:10:07
2.24修改意见
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-28 16:38:04
2.28独立
交作业啦！这次还是超时。。。要把时间一定憋过来~
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-1 19:54:32
3.1综合~
改的同学辛苦啦！
作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-1 20:34:53
59# sun3may 有点晚，不好意思哈～～权限不够，只能贴上面了（没有附件的权限）
We usually treat our friends as thetreasure in the life. Consequently, when we leave them, total sorrow and griefmaybe bring us down for a period of time. However, it is not a terrible ornegative thing to leave our friends and to start a new brand life [brand new]in a new city or in even other countries, since we should determine （whether?）the move to other places couldbring us more benefits than negative effects according to the specificsituation. That is to say, everyone owning different characteristicshave various choices.(逻辑有点奇怪)
The first factor coming into my mind isthat though we would have to leave our old friends or even them, becauseof the leaving for other places, it is still possible that we couldlosing make newpersons (friends)in the new place. Take me for an instance, in my eight, my families (family)andI had to move from a city when I was born to another city called Qingdao whereI had not any(no) knowledge at all. Unfortunately, after my coming to Qingdao, myold friends living in another city almost lose(时态) connection with me. On thecontrary, in the new block I moved into, a crowd of new friends have been madeby me, offering me the gentle assistance to let me quickly feel comfortable andget accustomed to the new environment. In sum, moving to another place to liveis not negative, due to the new friend there.
To back up my argument, it is relevant toinclude that even after the move, we still could keep in touch with our oldfriends in the （in other cities） other cities, with sort of complement of communication. Thanksto the advance in the communication technology, we are capable to acquire thelatest news of our friends, no matter where they are dwelled in. With the helpfrom our telephone, computer connected to the Internet, we could readily keepin touch with our friends, and trace their thinking and acting. In fact, some3G telephone could make the conversation face to face in a long distance intoreality.
Adding more credibility to my points ofview is that the criteria to determine the immigration from one place toanother is successful or not is that the situation of a person, including hisor her characteristics are feasible for a move or not. On one hand, some peopleare prone to another place to begin a new life for their characteristics thatmake them persons(不明白这句) who may quickly adapt to the different cultural and naturalenvironment. On the other hand, some people do not incline to get involved invirtually unfamiliar environment. As a result, we could not decide a move isgood or bad not according to whether we lose our friends, in fact, in such a（an）information age, friendship could be hold even though 。。。. Instead, our characteristics talkswhen it comes to the issue that moving to other places is beneficial or not.
In conclusion, it is not that harmful tomove to another city or country for a new life. Indeed, we could make newfriends there, and with the appliance of the advanced complement of communication,it is still possible to talk to our old friends sharing our feelings to (with) them at anytime we desire. To plus, for everyone's different situation, whether the moveto another place is preferable or not depends on the specific characteristicsof a person.
写的挺好的，字数很多啊～～
作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-1 21:08:40
帮你批了 虽然不是一个组的
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-1 21:44:48
62# bibby00888
谢谢了！
作者: beangt 时间: 2011-3-1 23:50:37
3.1综合修改
The lecture strongly disapproves of the points presented in the reading. As the profeessor demonstrated, it is not easy and preferable to replace the internal combustion engines with the fuel-cell ones. However, contending an opposite stand, the reading holds that it is convenient and practical to put the fuel-cell engines based on the use of hydrogen.
The first factor that the lecture disagrees with the reading is that pure hydrogen is difficult to produce, due to the complex process of the purification. Though the water could be easily found and collected, the hydrogen is hard to be steamed from water. On the contrary, the reading believes that since the water and natural gas which are sources to produce hydrogen are available, it is much of convenience to gain a plenty of hydrogen.
还有一点说液氢不容易运输，保存什么的
Another factor that the professor uses to cast doubt to the author is that the utilization of the
hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines would fail to solve the problem that pollutions rendering by cars, because the process of making hydrogen, especially the liquid hydrogen would generate much carbon-dioxide which is harmful to the environment. This is not compatible with the reading which believes that by the using of the new fuel-cell engine, the pollution from the car would be reduced, thanks to the only byproduct of the new kind of engine that could never contaminate the air.
The lecture also claims that the use of the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines could pale in cut down the cost on cars. In fact, this new sort of engine is expensive due to the difficulty during the production, which is totally run a counter to the reading that holds that the higher efficiency of the new engine would help us save money spent on our cars.
重点的那个细节，铂的那个没听到
可能还是需要提高听力吧，我觉得没有特别大的必要每段都带上阅读的许多内容，语言还是非常好的。
作者: candis712 时间: 2011-3-2 10:31:13
3.1综合修改
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-2 16:59:23
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-3-2 19:19 编辑
3.2独立~
还有综合~（综合感觉没太听懂，于是半编半凑的写了一篇~囧。）
辛苦修改的同学了！
作者: beangt 时间: 2011-3-3 13:07:12
3.2自选题目
Do you agree with the following statement? Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.
When it comes to the issue that the government should offer more subsidies to the art, including the art museum and the music concert, instead of spending a large sum of money just on the creation of new facilities. As far as I am known (concerned), they are equally essential to advance the development of art and to build the new facilities that would bring benefits to the citizens.
The first factor coming into my mind is that the support for art is in need nowadays. Take the city I live for instance, which is the capital of Hubei province, few art centers like art museums and painting galleries locate in some blocks where are much inconvenient to reach (我感觉这句话写的有点问题，但不知道怎么改). As a result, the government is supposed to build more museums for the sake of the citizens' interests in art, such as the opera, rock and roll, and the painting.
To back up my argument, it is relevant （？） to conclude that some facilities which are of necessity could assist to advance people's health, such as the play grounds or gyms. As one saying goes, taking practice one hour per day is beneficial to build a strong body and exalted mind. Since presently, the most crucial problem of human is obesity, a series of new facilities that could supply the citizens with adequate room to training (train) their body, and to lead a healthier life without the disturbance from the annoying fat in the heavy body.
Adding more credibility to my points of view is that due to the equal importance to support the art and create new facilities to improve the level of people's health, the government should determine to develop both art centers and new facilities. To plus, the specific situation of different cities should be taken into account when the government makes plans. Some cities lack of art museums which supplies access for the citizens to have a glance on the latest art forms. On the contrary, some cities should have more stadiums where the citizens could taking exercised in. Actually, a majority of cities in our country have a scarcity on both art museum and sports centers.
In summary, I strongly believe that since the elegant sorts of art and a healthy body are all (both) indispensable in our life, according to the specific situations, the government would restore and offer more support to the art museums, meanwhile, the creation plans of the facilities for sports should be included in the schedule.
结构非常好，语言也很流畅，不足之处是感觉有些段落展开欠充分。
作者: beangt 时间: 2011-3-3 13:07:46
3.2
综合修改
The lecture strongly disapproves of the points presented in the reading. As the professor demonstrates, the reasons why the population of some sea mammals declined (in the reading passage) are not sound enough.
The first factor the lecture uses to cast doubt on the passage is that the pollution of the oil or chemical substances are not the cause that weaken the ability of some sea mammal like otters to resist diseases. Since the predators could not be consistent with the ill mammals.
听力说没有证据表明是污染造成的减少。
Another point that the lecture shows to us is that although the sea mammals are in the connect with kinds of animal, the number of the small animals is not always available to the otter and other sea mammals. As a result, it is the scarcity of foods that causes the decrease of the sea mammal population. This is not compatible with what is presented in the passage, which claims that the decline of the sea mammals would have influence on the other species which are related in an ecosystem.
这段还是再好好听听听力吧。
The lecture also runs a counter to the reading, holding that the pollution theory fails to explain the unfair (uneven) population decline, because some sea mammals like otters have not got many concerns than imagined by people.
听力里好多点都没听到。我觉得你应该在听之前好好读阅读那部分，因为听力里的一些要点和细节出现的词都会在阅读里出现，比如这篇文章里的那个叫orca的猎食者。还有就是写的时候如果听力没听全可以根据旁边的阅读猜一下。
作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-3 15:23:32
review:3.2自选题目
Do you agree with the following statement?Government should more support art museum and music performance thanrecreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.
When it comes to the issue that thegovernment should offer more subsidies to the art, including the art museum andthe music concert, instead of spending a large sum of money just on thecreation of new facilities.(这个句子没写完啊) As far as I am known（这个句子有问题）, they are equally essential toadvance the development of art and to build the new facilities that would bringbenefits to the citizens.（这个句子没读明白啊）
The first factor coming into my mind isthat the support for art is in need nowadays. Take the city I live forinstance, which is the capital of Hubei province, few art centers like artmuseums and painting galleries （应该是be located in）locate in some blocks where are muchinconvenient to reach. As a result, the government is supposed to build moremuseums for the sake of the citizens' interests in art, such as the opera, rockand roll, and the painting.
To back up my argument, it is relevant toconclude that some facilities which are of necessity could assist to advancepeople's health, such as the play grounds or gyms. As one saying goes, takingpractice one hour per day is beneficial to build a strong body and exaltedmind（这样形容mind觉得怪怪的）. Since presently, the most crucial problem of human is obesity, a seriesof new facilities that could supply the citizens with adequate room to trainingtheir body, and to lead a healthier life without the disturbance from theannoying fat in the heavy body.
Adding more credibility to my point ofview is that due to the equal importance to support the art and create newfacilities to improve the level of people's health, the government shoulddetermine to develop both art centers and new facilities. To plus, the specificsituation of different cities should be taken into account when the governmentmakes plans. Some cities lack of art museums which supplies access for thecitizens to have a glance on the latest art forms. On the contrary, some citiesshould have more stadiums where the citizens could taking exercises in.Actually, a majority of cities in our country have a scarcity on both artmuseum and sports centers.
In summary, I strongly believe that since the elegantsorts of art and a healthy body are all indispensable in our life, according tothe specific situations, the government would restore(这个词放在这里是什么意思呢) and offer more support tothe art museums, meanwhile, the creation plans of the facilities for sportsshould be included in the schedule.
有点空洞，如果在论证的时候多加上一些鲜活的例子会更好
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-3 15:30:29
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-3-3 16:17 编辑
3.3独立+综合~
(这次终于独立和综合都木有超时~不过要点还不是很完备，下次要再快一些。）
辛苦修改的同学了！
作者: ncnys 时间: 2011-3-4 00:48:10
本帖最后由 ncnys 于 2011-3-4 07:11 编辑
Teachers play an essential role in every one's life. Teaching us how to discern right and wrong, how to read a long passage, and even how to count stuffs in the room, teachers offer abundant knowledge to us which is necessary in our lifelives. As a result (Therefore), the quality of education relies a lot on teachers' behavior.(good expression!) Someone believes that it is of importance to increase the salary of the teacher, attempting to raise the passion of teachers who have work dealing with piles of things about young students. However, as far as I am concerned, the key to level up our education could not be a raise in teachers' salaries, instead, the quality of the teachers, facilities of school, and the collaboration of parents and teachers really counts for education.
The first factor coming to my mind is that the quality of the teacher affects the outcome of education. Good teacher distinguish themselves with athe perfect teaching skill, a brandbroad range of knowledge, and a well-being personality. Take a teacher I admire most, called Jane, for instance, being my primary school teacher, she always told us how to behave in the public with deep patience, though the school kids were so naughty to interrupt her speech. Moreover, with a wide range of knowledge, she could almost answer whatever questions we raised. Listening, observing, and teaching us make her a popular teacher among our classmates, who deeply know what we really require. Therefore a competent teacher could help to improve education这段主要讲教师对于education的重要性，但是感觉跟第一段有点重复？并且与topic的联系不是特别大？
To back up my points of view, it is relevantreasonable to conclude that the modern facilities of school also weighs in improving the education, such as the swimming pool, the sports stadium, and the play ground. Indeed, the quality of education not only depends on refined teachers, but also need the high qualified facilities to develop the body of students. To plus, being a assistance for a distinguished teacher, a library with abundant books covering different fields is necessary to expand students' horizon.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that both the parents and the school share responsibility to ensure the high quality of education. At school, students could be conducted by their teachers on the study and the social behavior. InAt home, parents are the most direct and crucial teacher of the children. Consequently, the corporation of parents and teachers, which including communicate about the state of the kid regularly and sharing the similar education ideas, would prove the quality of education largely.
In conclusion, the best approach to level up education could not be a large amount of money offer to teachers. The decent quality of both teachers and the facilities in school could make the students well-educated, and the cooperation between parents and teachers would advance the education as well.
蓝色的部分用词很妙，值得学习！
感觉全文讲的是什么对improve education是很重要的。我觉得topic的题眼在一个best,如果同意观点，那么就要举出增加工资和其它方式相比有什么better处；反之，则需列举增加工资不如其他方法有效，或者equally important。。。突然发现我自己也没有比较。。。。不知道这想法对不对哈。。与LZ共勉！加油！
作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-4 13:35:40
revision 1[attach]161873[/attach]
作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-4 13:40:57
[attach]161874[/attach]
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-4 23:21:07
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-3-5 09:24 编辑
3.4独立 & 综合~
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-5 00:01:52
71# ncnys
我觉得你说的很有道理，我没有阐释其他方式的更好的地方。不过我觉得可以这样稍微修改一下：整个文章的意思可以改成—— 虽然提高教师的工资有利于增加他们的工作积极性，可能可以提高教育质量，但是这是远远不够的，还需要教师素质的提高，基础设施的提高，以及家长和学校的配合才能共同提高教育质量。
所以不能说教育质量提高的最好办法是提高教师工资，它还包含很多方面。而其提高教师工资可能还有些对学校的负面影响，比如增加学校的开支，过高的工资可能使一些教师变懒而不去创新等等吧。
作者: candis712 时间: 2011-3-5 14:41:25
3.4 综合是tpo12，你写tpo13好像错了，我还没写13呢，今天改不，只有明天再给改你的啦
作者: wangrunningf1 时间: 2011-3-5 23:04:03
When it comes to piles of work, how are we supposed to deal with them? Some prefer to solve problems in the work quickly and harshly, running a risk to blander. Meanwhile some feel comfortable to cope with their work carefully and slowly, with patience to ensure the quality of outcome. Actually, it is not the matter whether we should take our pace or speed up when plenty of work is encompassing us
really counts, it is preferable to chose the way of doing our work according to different situations, including the deadline, the familiarity of the work, and even the personality.
The first factor coming into my mind is that deadline talks(这个不应该用talks吧) when we decide to do our work quickly or slowly. In a majority of famous companies in the world, the deadline is attached much importance by the employees.（这句话没看懂） Indeed, company offer their services or products in order to meet the needs of its clients. As a result, it is always a deadline that determines the work pace of the work.（可以删掉） If the clients require obtaining an entire plan not until next Friday, companies should have their staffs complete the whole plan before the deadline. Otherwise, the company would suffer for（删掉） a negative reputation.
Adding more credibility to my argument, it is relevant to conclude that the familiarity of the work, I mean the degree on how you are familiar with the work would decide which way the task would be done. Take my uncle who is a sales manager in an oversea company for an instance,when he first take over the affairs of sales manager, he always cope with sorts of things patiently and slowly. Of course, he would never delay the work until the deadline. However, after several months, more familiar with his work, he was just able to deal with his work quickly and more efficiently, including negotiating with clients, preparing to host conferences in the company, and viewing the email from his interior.（his interior??）
To back up my points of view, the personality is also an essential factor should take into account when we are choosing ways of work. As we all know, some people are prone to finish their work fast, while others prefer to take time to do work without any error. Just for completing the work within the limited time, the two approaches to deal with work are advisable and acceptable, since different personality（ies） should be respected
In summary, what really counts is the deadline of a work and the degree of familiarity on（with） our work, we should make different choice according to various situations about whether doing our work fast or slow.
单复数的问题可以注意一下，还有文章内容过多的重复deadline很重要，可以稍微展开来说，工作没有完成，影响公司的信誉，影响个人的升迁。很快的做事情会带来哪些问题，出错的话会风险大小（就是说如果这件事情不重要的话，可以很快完成，但是如果是决定性的事情，那就要慎重，慢慢做）觉得文章的内容可以再丰富一些。总体来说文章还是比较流畅的，还有一些词汇很高级，学习了，有什么不对的地方在讨论哈
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-7 19:39:49
3.7独立
写的不是很好。。。
辛苦修改的同学了！
作者: beangt 时间: 2011-3-7 23:01:52
Nowadays we are bombarded by a plenty of advertising. It could be seen in the TV shows, the shopping mall, or even in the bus station we walk through every day. In sorts of advertising, companies always try to persuade their consumers purchasing their productions. Of course, the food companies would not fail to utilize the advertising to promote their cookies, puddings or pizza. Some people blame advertisement of food for its negative effects on the eating habits which in turn cause the obesity problem. However, I believe that the advertisements are not the only factor result in the bad habits on eating of some people, and we are supposed to take other factors into account, such as the genial (genetic?) factor, the culture, and the personal reasons.
第一段字数太多了，应该减一减吧，我觉得可以吧那些理由留在后边说。
The first factor coming into my mind is that the genes play an essential role in people's habits on eating. Take my family for instance, sharing the same genes, my expanded family including my grandparents are fond of eating fried food, though it is not that healthy. Due to the influence from genes, members of my family are easily to gain weight, like my uncle suffers a little (slight) obesity. Indeed, it is the family genes that work to make us vulnerable to become heavy, not any piece of advertisement.
To back up my points of view, it is relevant to conclude that the culture would be the factor which affects our eating habits strongly. As some surveys show, a majority of people chose and cook food much rely (mainly depending) on the culture they are involved. For example, a crowd of Americans are keen on the hamburgers and fried chips, meanwhile the Indians prefer cook hot food as their main course in the dinner. Though some habits do harm to our health like the field (fried) chips and the salad source, we are cultivated to accept the food which our culture prefers.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that given different situations of people, the unhealthy eating preference could be the result of personal reasons. The big change of life such as a huge shock, or a move to another places may be responsible for turning to an eating habits.
In conclusion, besides the advertisements, the genial factor, the culture and the personal reasons would be probably responsible for the some unhealthy habits.
可能是开头用的时间太多了，造成了后边越来越仓促。其实我也容易这样，我觉得开头尽量快速开题就行了，不用太多的背景。后两点理由还是不错的，基因的那个我看着有点不太好（我是学生物的。。。）
作者: xielijuan36 时间: 2011-3-8 13:17:09
改好
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-8 19:23:25
3.8独立
这篇的观点不好写啊~辛苦修改的同学了！
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-8 20:06:56
3.8综合~
作者: candis712 时间: 2011-3-8 20:56:53
迟了几天，终于到了 3.4综合修改
作者: xielijuan36 时间: 2011-3-9 13:59:52
改好
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-9 18:11:43
3.9独立~
作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-3-9 19:44:34
本帖最后由 笑会计 于 2011-3-9 19:46 编辑
改好
作者: dawn_horizon1 时间: 2011-3-9 20:28:03
不好意思发晚了。。。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? 团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的 In the teamwork, the one who can not accept criticism would not be succeful.
Nowadays it is always a necessity to collaborate with others, so as to complete a complex task. When confronting a problem, a team maybe the excellent approach to figure out satisfied （改成satisfying…我可能拼的不对啊）solutions to the problems. However, some people who fail to behave with patience and a open mind and could hardly accept ideas different（还是说different ideas?）from theirs not only would ruin the process of solving the problems, but also make themselves a inflexible people who will not succeed in the future.
The first factor coming into my mind is that people (a person,因为后面的share是复数形式) who can not accept criticism , even that is friendly always（还可以说成even in a friendly way,我感觉这个更顺一点；还有，加上逗号，把这句变成插入语更加通畅一点） ,share a narrow mind, which is the obstacle for them in advancing their careers. （这句不知道怎么改，感觉你的从句套多了有点不顺。。。或者是我的从句理解能力不够）For instance, my uncle's colleague, who is the sales man in a food company, would not accept any advice from others. When my uncle and other colleagues in a sales team are discussing how to promote the latest products of their company, the man always show exited (excite?) at first, talking a lot about his plan regardless of other suggestions. If someone in the team points one the disadvantages of his planning, he would get totally irritated and depressed. For ten years, he could only work for the company as a common salesman, on the contrary, my uncle, who is pleased to hear different voices about one project he undertakes gained a promotion in last year.
To back up my points of view, it is relevant to conclude that due to the criticism would offer us great ideas of the perspectives deferring from us, the one who fail to accept the suggestions would lose the respect from others. Indeed, in a team, we usually are keen on working with someone who are amiable and with an open mind. Some people who just insist his or her own ideas would find it difficult to obtain the respects from others, since they show their impatience and narrow mind in the process of team work.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that it is someone with special characters that achieves success finally, even though it seems that they could not bear different ideas from others, such as Bill Gaze and Jack Welch, they would accept criticism sometimes. After all, one could not make the right choice every time. Consequently, people who look unlikely to listen to others’ criticism in fact ever trying listening to and accept ideas opposite to his own.（这句的后半句不懂）
In summary, based on the points demonstrated above, I strongly believe that it is of difficulty for people who could not bear criticism would not have a success. （it is of difficulty for people who could not bear criticism to have success.）
总体感觉不错，但是有些句子不是很通顺，另外，感觉你找的点还不够多，但是第一点的例子很好，学习了！
作者: sEven_zh 时间: 2011-3-10 15:01:34
3.9独立改好了
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-10 17:04:20
本帖最后由 sun3may 于 2011-3-10 17:38 编辑
3.10独立 综合
作者: xyxueyuan 时间: 2011-3-10 21:49:17
When it comes to the issue that whether a teacher is supposed to describe his or her social or political opinions to the students, I strongly believe that it is of necessity and freedom for the teachers to talk about their ideas, as long as they are permitted by the laws.
The first factor coming into my mind is that teachers are free to choose whatever information to express to the students, such as their ideas on the situation of the society, and their political preference to a certain party. In fact, besides the text books, students own the freedom to learn about the social state and political environment around them. Through the expression of their teachers' ideas about society and politics, students are readily equipped with general review about the world. In fact, both the freedoms of the teachers and the students determine that it could be accepted that teachers talk about the society and politics in the class.
To back up my points of view, it is relevant to include the point that though someone claims that the description on the society and the politics would distract the teachers from content of the courses, and lead the students to concentrate on events which are nothing related to the classes. However, it is necessary for the students to learn about the knowledge on society and politics via the expression of their teachers. Moreover, it may play an essential role as an assistance for the teacher to make the students obtain a deeply understanding on some subjects, like the sociology, the politics and so forth.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that only if the teachers are admitted by the laws to share their social and political opinions, we could not prevent them from expressing their personal ideas. Nowadays in many countries, the right of expression is owned by a large number of people, and in my country, it is allowed and encouraged for teachers to make a speech on their political and social ideas in front of the students. After all, it would render benefits for the students to listen to the social and political opinions
In summary, due to its necessity and freedom, the teachers should be supposed to express their ideas on the society and the politics.
不好意思，第一次参加写作小组，没发现有两个人需要修改。所以才发过来。
觉得写得不错，句子结构很讲究，加油！！
作者: candis712 时间: 2011-3-10 23:27:02
3.10独立修改
作者: xyxueyuan 时间: 2011-3-11 08:21:45
Young people are always confused by the complex world. With inadequate knowledge about the society, it is of a difficulty for a young person who just graduates from school to figure out what kind of job is 加上the most fitting one. As a result, I strongly believe that trying to take different jobs until getting 加上the one we really fits is necessary for every young person, for the sake of their career development, their practical skills and even the happiness of them.
The firs factor coming into my mind is that considering the development of the future career, young people are ought to try various jobs, until they find the idealist job.（个人觉得这个分论点本身就是题目的问题，所以不可以作为支撑观点的一个论点。我明白你后面想表达的意思，但是这句话本身其实就是文章题目的重复，我想你可以改成通过不同的工作可以更加了解不同工作、了解自己，这样更有利于找到合适的工作） As one old saying goes, it is a terrible thing for a man undertake a wrong job. Indeed, choosing which field we would enter in, and which job we are likely to do are essential for our career development. Once we are involved in a job which actually has nothing attractive to us, it would be difficult for us to make a success taking that job. For instance, someone are fond of running restaurants, however, if he were force to work in a international trade company, as an auditor, maybe without interests in the audition, he would have little probability to promote his career.
There is another factor we could not ignore that to improve the practical skills, young people need to take several jobs before they find ones fitting them. Observing the workplace, talking with the staffs in the office, and learning how to communicate with even strangers would eqquip young persons with abundant practical skills, which is helpful whatever jobs they would take. Though someone claims that it is more preferable to persist one job, I holds that various jobs would expand the horizon of young people and offer us more precious practical skills.
Adding more credibility to my argument is that in the terms of happiness, doing jobs of different fields is beneficial to the young people. Sticking to only one job, even though that is not the one we really incline to undertake, serves to make us disappointed and depressed after several days of work. Only doing jobs that we are interested in, can we make the process of the work pleasant and joyful.
In conclusion, trying various jobs until finding the right one which is fitting our interests is advisable. When young people chose their jobs, they should not hesitate and constrained, just try.
总体看上去，写的很好。继续加油
作者: feifeionly 时间: 2011-3-11 16:38:16
3月10日综合
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-11 16:53:34
3.11综合~
作者: hcp4715 时间: 2011-3-12 19:12:14
94# sun3may 3.11号综合修改
[attach]162364[/attach]
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-12 19:25:13
3.12独立~
作者: crazyjoo 时间: 2011-3-13 09:12:57
Do you agree with the following statement? 家长该不该奖励小孩钱当小孩拿到高分
Kids need encouragement. Since through the life, a pile of problems serve to be the obstacles keeping the children heading on. For instance, the difficulties in study may make the children stop striving, for the sake of building their confidence, it is of great importance to offer some reward to them.（认为For the sake是另外一句，不用逗号隔开） The encouragement could turn not to be different forms, such as money, and food, or even a pair of tennis shoes. Moreover, parents actually could give money to children only if they achieve high scores, while, the amount of money are not supposed to be too much.(第一段语言流畅，转折合理 不过貌似没见到你自己的stand哦？你的立场最好明显些)
The first factor coming into mind is that money could be a wise reward due to its characteristics. As buck is a kind of currency, with which we could purchase the goods in the shopping mall or supermarket. children are able to buy stuffs they need with bucks, and it is of a large incentive for the children to strive for high marks, so as to purchasing items they are really into.
In additional, when kids performance well in the school, supplying them with some money would give them opportunities to learn how to manage their money. It is necessary for children to know what is the idealist way to use money, such as making a financial budget, and keeping the outcome and income in a balance. Only with certain amount money, could the children acquire the skills on managing money in their pockets.
At last, to add more credibility to my argument, though the bucks as a reward offered to the kids may result in wasting of money, parents could treat the bucks as a appropriate encouragement to the children. By receive (receiving) this kind of reward, the children would understand that as long as we struggle, we could finally make it through. Therefore, the kids would always try their best to achieve their goals, because they know it (they) would finally get paid to go a hard work (through a hard work) heading for the goals. To plus, the parents should limit the reward money to prevent a large amount of possible wasting of money.
In summary, it is a wise approach to encourage children to achieve high scores on their courses, and the amount of money should be limited in a appropriate level.
作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-3-14 17:01:02
3.14独立和综合~辛苦改的同学了！（离考试还有26天~倒数。）
作者: hcp4715 时间: 2011-3-15 10:40:18
98# sun3may
3.14独立修改
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? do you think people should buy things made in their own country,even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else？
The trend of globalization has changed ourlife. In fact, nowadays consumers purchase goods in a large global market,which is filled with sorts of products manufactured from different countries.Someone claims that it is wise and beneficial for a country that the citizensall choose to buy the products made in domestic area, even if they are chargedhigher than the same products from other countries. On the contrary, I stronglybelieve that, being involved in the process of globalization, instead ofpreventing buying products from other countries, we should brace the benefits givenby the globalization.开头真好！学习了！
The first factor coming to my mind is thatpurchasing things produced in other countries offers the internal citizens convenience.For instance, in the supermarket located in some metropolitan cities, it isalways not difficult to find qualified and popular products coming from variouscountries, such as the milk from Japan, the shampoo from US, and even the toolsfrom Europe. All these stuffs appear to build us a comfortable and convenientlife.（有这些商品就方便？？另外，没有把这些商品与同类的本国产品进行质量和价格的比较，光说方便不好吧）
To back up my points of view, it isrelevant to show another factor that choosing to buy domestic products coulddifficultly contribute to the real thriving of the economy of our country.Indeed, in the present, products are hard to becompletely made by just one country（这一点非常好啊，可以就这一点展开）. Moreover（这里不是展开新的一点，而是举例子，用这个词不大适合）, the manufacturing of the air-bus as a typicalexample show us that current products could hardly only bring profits to onlyone country, because its production needs efforts from different factories inmany countries. As a result, we cannot support our economy simply by buying ourproducts.
In summary, I am convinced that consumershave the right to choose convenient product to purchase, and in the trend ofglobalization, buying things from just one's own country would fail to reallyhelp the booming of the domestic economy.
整个觉得展开不够，但是开头very impressive!
第一个论点尚有点离题，如果进行一些比较之后说出其优势则更好了
第二个论点非常好，只是没有展开。个人觉得这样推理：既然全球分工的细化，那么，第一，我们无法避免购买其他国家的产品，因为你不知道你购买的商品中是否有从他国生产出来的零件；第二，我们执意要购买本国产品，则根本无法满足基本生活需要blablabla…
个人见解，欢迎讨论
作者: hcp4715 时间: 2011-3-15 10:49:27
98# sun3may 3.14号综合修改[attach]162463[/attach]
继续加油！
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