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标题: JJohnnyy作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-13 16:13:15 标题: JJohnnyy作文贴

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

It is not rare to see that some students who perform excellent academically have unbelievable poor relationships with others which make them incredibly lonely and introversive. Obviously, those students who just focus on study instead of developing a strong relationship with their friends, professors are more likely to suffer frustrations. As far as I am concerned, to university students, building a splendid relation with others is more significant than studding hard.

Initially, universities in modern society consist of different people, culture, religion and other indispensable elements. Therefore, if you want to survive in the fierce competitions, you must get along with others well. Studying hard may help you perform well academically but cannot help you survive in society directly. For example, my Uncle Tom was an outstanding student in the field of mathematics; he always came up with some creative solutions that even make professor surprised. Especially in 2009, he received a gold medal in the mathematics contest of a nation. However, other students accordant disliked him because of his impersonal manners. He never shared his study experiences with others and showed little interest in group activities. After graduation, Tom cannot find a job since he didn't understand the importance of cooperation and communication.

Sequentially, in a plural university, we must attach importance to interpersonal relationships, cooperation, and look at issues from the perspective of other people in order to make more friends who can fuel one's success. If a person wants to be a leader, he has to relate well to other people to make sure that everyone is willing to obey your management. My friend Tony was a CEO in a famous company, he was not an expert in his field, however, he was good at communicate with others and had fantastic teamwork skills. Besides, he was eager to help others and all employees were attracted and motivated by his grate personality. As a result, he made a big difference and became a millionaire.

Taking all these factors into account, interpersonal relations is more important than studying hard. On the one hand, a good relationship with others can help people survive in all kinds of competitions. On the other hand, it can also lead to success and make people more charming.

作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-14 03:19:02

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作者: laura88s 时间: 2011-1-14 10:15:09

本帖最后由 laura88s 于 2011-1-14 10:20 编辑

来得有些晚了，好像我目前的状态传不了附件呢，只好贴在这里了

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?4 V7 J. f, c4 B4 o$ g) ~; U

It is not rare to see that some students who perform
excellent academically (obtained an excellent academic perform) have unbelievable poor((surprisingly poor) relationships with others which
make them incredibly lonely and introversive ( which expose them to an incredibly lonely and introversive state). Obviously, those students who just focus on study instead of developing a strong relationship with their friends, professors are more likely to suffer frustrations. (Obviously, those students are more likely to suffer from frustration, since they just focus on study rather than develop a closer relationship with peoples around them, such as friends, professors etc) As far as I am concerned, to (as for) university students, building a splendid relation with others is more significant than studding hard.

Initially, universities in modern society consist of different people, culture, religion and other indispensable elements. Therefore, if you want to survive in the（去掉the,the comptetion 是对手的意思) fierce competitions, you must get along with others well. Studying hard may help you perform well academically but cannot help you survive in society directly.(establish on the society directly)For example, my Uncle Tom was an outstanding student in the field of mathematics; he always came up with some creative solutions that even make professor surprised.Especially in 2009, he received a gold medal in the mathematics contest of a nation (in a national-wide contest). However, other students accordant (other students, accordantly, disliked…) disliked him because of hisimpersonal manners. He never shared his study experiences with others and showed little interest in group activities. Worse yet, after graduation, Tom even cannot find a job since he didn't understand the importance of cooperation and communication.
8 L4 C, H& ]6 _$ Z5 E% [) f
Sequentially, in a plural university (in a university with plural circumstance), we must attach importance to interpersonal relationships, cooperation, and look at issues from the perspective of other people in order to make more friends who can fuel one's success. For instance,if a person wants to be a leader, he has to relate well to other people to make sure that everyone is willing to obey your management. My friend Tony was a CEO in a famous company, he was not an expert in his field, however, he was good at communicate with others and had fantastic teamwork skills. Besides, he was eager to help others and all employees were attracted and motivated by his grate personality. As a result, he made a big difference and became a millionaire." J: h4 m, ]# b
; `& M3 u# C- h' Y

Taking all these factors into account, interpersonal relations is more important than studying hard. On the one hand, a good relationship with others can help people survive in all kinds of competitions. On the other hand, it can also lead to success and make people more charming.

另外就是感觉看些来的话文章有些单薄，例子和论点之间的逻辑衔接不够严谨，甚至有些逻辑错误（虽然托福不强调这个，但是严谨点应该不至于有错）。还有像是TONY的那个例子可以写得再有血有肉些，比如他通过怎样的沟通手段来达到这个目的，而这些东西光靠学习是不够的。还有就是多考虑增加句式和用词的多样性可能会让文章更出彩，加油~

From,Laura

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-14 21:22:05

1.14 独立

It is common that people who have a good looking and dress decently are more likely to receive more attention from others. Some people consider that the attraction from appearances is more crucial than a wisdom and intelligent brain. Others, however, strongly argue that appearances are unreliable while a brain which can always come up with a plethora of good ideas is essential to every single person. From my point of view, they are of equal importance to people，and abandonment of either will bring you a considerably heavy loss.

Initially, generally speaking, people's character appears obvious on first meeting. Good looks and splendid dresses are tending to lead to a great first impression that may give people some critical opportunities which provide them with an advantage in competition. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My brother Alex is a handsome boy who always behaves gently and civilly. Once he attended to a job interview and dressed considerable formally. Among all employees what made employers impressive is my brother's elegant appearance. As a result, my brother got the job successfully since his good looking conveyed a message: he will treat his work as meticulous as his exterior.

Sequentially, no one can deny that good ideas are indispensable to an aspiring person who is eager to make an incredible big difference. Although you look ugly, you still have a chance to make your dream come true. Take my Uncle Tom for instance; he had a terrible traffic accident when he was a little boy, and which left him a horrible scar in his face. Nonetheless, he didn't lose confidence. Since then, he studied harder as he knew the only way that people can ignore his ugliness is to become a great person of perseverance and wisdom with countless achievements. Therefore, he turned into an expert in the field of biology and invented a wide variety of instrument which made him admirable and respectable.

Taking all these factors into account, good looks and dresses are fundamental as well as good ideas. Those individuals who possess both fantastic appearance and outstanding ideas are easier to achieve the peak of career. Only by equipping with these two qualities, can we be successful and live a wonderful life.

作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-14 23:09:38

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作者: hycqy 时间: 2011-1-14 23:14:16

问一下现在写作小组的负责人是谁呢？

作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-14 23:23:54

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作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-15 16:09:50

5# ifnoword
嘿嘿咱也是现学现用啦。。
好久没写过作文了手都生了。
感觉你用词变化很多呀，好多词我是看了你的文章才想起来的

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-15 21:19:37

1.15 独立

When it comes to working tactics, different people hold different viewpoints. It not rare to see that some people who just concentrate on one thing while others devote themselves on a wide variety of projects at a time. Those individuals who take care of more than one thing at a time consider that it is the most efficient method since they have a heavy burden which forces them to work faster. From my point of view, however, finishing one project completely at a time is a wide choice which will bring you a plethora of benefits.

Initially, it is definitely efficient to concentrate on one thing at once. If a person deal with two or more things at once may waste plenty of time. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My uncle is a designer who has enormous pressures in a big company. Once he encountered a great challenge that he was asked to finish five drawings in a day, thereupon, he drawing 5 pictures at once in computer. Whereas he spend 2 days in this work as it took extra time switching from one task to another. And this work fall into disorder so that he cannot control it. Therefore, if a person just consider one project at once, and finish a large amount of tasks one by one, he will save more time.

What's more, those individuals who always create considerable masterpieces since they cannot be distracted are inclined to focus on one thing at a time. When a person works without outside interference, he will be more sensible and intelligent. Take my friend Andy for instance; he is a manager who is earning around 10 thousand dollars a year in a computer software company. He told me that, from his own experience, those projects which cost him abundant time and energy alone were tending to be the best. Because what in his mind was how to try his best in this single project instead of worrying about other annoying distraction, hence, he could dedicate all his wisdom and time in to it.

Taking all these factors into account, it is concentration, rather than distraction, that is the indispensable and essential element of working tactics. On the one hand, it can accelerate our work and increase efficiency; On the other hand, we will also create more fantastic work by finishing one project at a time.

作者: gamy 时间: 2011-1-15 23:00:51

学习了～

作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-16 00:43:42

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作者: ausphd 时间: 2011-1-16 01:02:30

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作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-17 20:53:44

1.17独立 pay to the public transportation

When it comes to the public transportation, which is a lasting controversial issue, different people hold different standpoints. It is not rare to see that many people are willing to buy the service of public transportation while others refuse to do so. As far as I am concerned, the expenditure of public transportation should not paid by common people. Government is ought to take the responsibility to develop the public traffic and facilitate our life.

Initially, the policy of people need not to pay to the public transportation, which means they are encouraged to use them, are in favor of the city traffic, and environment protection. If people can take subway or buses for free, there will less private cars on streets so that the situation of traffic jam will be improved considerably. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is a busy city and a plethora of people drives to the downtown to work every day. So I was usually stuck in traffic for two hours. Afterward, the government made a decision that some buses are free of charge, therefore, a large amount of people is compelled to take buses and now there is no traffic jam anymore. Besides, the off-gas from automobiles which harmful for atmosphere will be drastically decreased and environment will not under the threat of air pollution. Obviously, whether or not people pay to the public transportation makes a big difference.

What's more, nowadays those people who have to rush to the office every morning are bear enormous pressures and financial burdens. If they can save the expense for transportation, they will receive a great quantity of money which can boost their life. Take my uncle for instance, he was spent RMB500 in public transportation a month before time. However, it was the free services of buses that play an indispensable role in his life. Because he saved abundant money and bought a new computer which greatly entertained his family.

Taking this entire factor into account, I consider it worthwhile to charge nothing for the public transportation. On the one hand, it cans forte the development of public traffic and the protection of environment; On the other hand, it can release people from heavy financial burdens and live better.

作者: ifnoword 时间: 2011-1-18 00:06:56

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作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-1-18 17:57:03 标题: RE: JJohnnyy作文贴

1.17独立 pay to the public transportation

When it comes to the public transportation, which is a lasting controversial issue, different people hold different standpoints. It is not rare to see that many people are willing to buy the service of public transportation while others refuse to do so. As far as I am concerned, the expenditure of public transportation should not paid by common people. Government is ought to take the responsibility to develop the public traffic and facilitate our life.
`. g5 p# c2 M" G1 k* F* ]
Initially, the policy of
（that） people need not to pay to the public transportation, which means they are encouraged to use them, are in favor of the city traffic, and environment protection. If people can take subway or buses for free, there will （加上be）less private cars on streets so that the situation of traffic jam will be improved considerably. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is a busy city and a plethora of people drives to the downtown to work every day. So I was usually stuck in traffic for two hours. Afterward, the government made a decision that some buses are free of charge, therefore, a large amount of people is compelled（感觉compel用在这里语气重了点，建议可以使用be willing to或者是prefer to, incline to） to take buses and now there is no traffic jam anymore. Besides, the off-gas from automobiles which (此处加上 is )harmful for to atmosphere will be drastically decreased and (此处加上 the )environment will (此处加上 be )not under the threat of air pollution. Obviously, whether or not people pay to the public transportation makes a big difference.

Furthermore, nowadays those people who have to rush to the office every morning are bear（改为bearing） enormous(建议将“enormous”改为mental，这样可以和后面的“financial”对应起来) pressures and financial burdens. If they can save the expense for transportation, they will receive a great quantity of money which can boost their life. Take my uncle for instance, he was（was改为had） spent RMB500 in public transportation a month before time. However, it was the free services of buses that play an indispensable role in his life. Because he saved abundant money and bought a new computer which greatly entertained his family.! Z4 `. a5 Z, q2 n) f; Z" L

Taking this(改为 those) entire factor(改为factors) into account, I consider it worthwhile to charge nothing for the public transportation. On the one hand, it cans forte the development of public traffic and the protection of environment; On the other hand, it can release people from heavy financial burdens and live better（改为 make them a better life）.

（文章论证结构清楚，论证思路严谨，只是有些小的语法错误。不过有很多地方的用词很不错，体现了灵活的同义替换。另外，相对于第一段，第二段的篇幅略显短了些，个人觉得应该适当加两句论述，不然会给人越到文末内容越少的感觉。）

一起加油！

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-19 22:10:39

本帖最后由 JJohnnyy 于 2011-1-19 22:12 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.

When it comes to the ability of writing and reading, which is the essential quality for a person, some people hold the opinion that it is less significant than before. With the development of science and technology, we have a chance to receive and pass messages in a more rapid and efficient way, which can save a plethora of time and energy when we encounter considerable pressure and workload. In that case messages are tend to be short and concise so that we can obtain them easily. From my point of view, however, it is obviously incorrect that we neglect the writing and reading ability since it is still making a big difference in our career development and daily life.

Initially, it is the writing and reading ability that the crucial factor of career. Take my uncle for instance. Once he applied a burning position which appeals to a wide variety of applicants, among these applicants he was a person who had poor educational background and a deficiency of experience. However, he had a splendid writing and reading ability so that he was accurately understand the requirement and wrote a fantastic application which attracted employers deeply. As a result, he exerted his advantages and received the position successfully, while others with a poor application cannot show their talent by writing. Therefore, the ability of writing and reading can express your idea and exhibit your capacity which makes you appreciated by others.

Sequentially, an excellent aptitude of writing and reading can relieve us from strain and tiring burden. In the modern society, most people have to bear all kinds of stress so that they have no time for entertainment and relaxation. If a person owns the capability of writing and reading, he will have a critical and effective way to release himself. A single example can serve to illustrate the point. I have a brother who is earning around 100 thousand dollars a year in a powerful computer software company. He told me, from his own experience, when he was too exhausted to work, he would read or wrote a poem which could convey his emotions and refreshed him. Sometimes he even picked inspirations from literature that drastically boost his business.

Taking all these factors into account, the faculty of writing and reading is indispensable for us. Only by possessing that talent, can we seize the opportunity we come across and enjoy the joy and satisfaction it brought.

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-1-20 14:29:38

改好了，lz写的不错，学习了。
When it comes to the ability of writing and reading, which is the essential quality for a person, some people hold the opinion that it is less significant than before. With the development of science and technology, we have a chance to receive and pass messages in a more rapid and efficient way, which can save a plethora of time (节省过多的/过剩的时间?) and energy when we encounter considerable pressure and workload. In that case messages are tend (tend是动词，可以去掉are)to be short and concise so that we can obtain them easily. From my point of view, however, it is obviously incorrect that we neglect the writing and reading ability since it is still making a big difference in our career development and daily life.

Initially, it is the writing and reading ability that the crucial factor of career. (这句如果是强调句的话,那好像少谓语)Take my uncle for instance. Once he applied (applied for) a burning position(可以这么用吗？没查到这种用法) which appeals to a wide variety of applicants, among these applicants he was a person who had(有点啰嗦。改为he had relatively poor educational background and…如何) poor educational background and a deficiency of experience. However, he had a splendid（very good 学习了） writing and reading ability so that he was accurately understand（understood…accurately） the requirement and wrote a fantastic application which attracted employers deeply. As a result, he exerted his advantages and received the position successfully, while others with a poor application cannot show their talent (talents) by writing. Therefore, the ability of writing and reading can express your idea and exhibit your capacity which makes you appreciated by others.

Sequentially, an excellent aptitude (用excellent是否合适？毕竟具有excellent读写能力的人还是少数，对于能力一般的人而言，读写能力是否也能relieve them from strain and tiring burden?)of writing and reading can relieve us from strain and tiring burden. In the modern society (in modern society), most people have to bear all kinds of stress so that they have no time for entertainment and relaxation. If a person owns the capability of writing and reading, he will have a critical and effective way to release himself. A single example can serve to illustrate the point. I have a brother who is earning around 100 thousand dollars a year in a powerful computer software company. He told me, from his own experience, when he was too exhausted to work, he would read or wrote (write)a poem which could convey his emotions and refreshed him. Sometimes he even picked inspirations from (draw/get inspiration from) literature that drastically boost his business.
Taking all these factors into account, the faculty of writing and reading is indispensable for us. Only by possessing that talent, can we seize the opportunity we come across and enjoy the joy and satisfaction it brought.

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-1-21 20:31:41

Government should focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development.

It is common that most developing countries in the world consider that the economic development is a top priority while some developed countries which own splendid natural scenery and a wide variety of animals focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development. Obviously, developing countries have such a terrible economic situation so that their governments care more about how to improve economic in order to foster people's life standard. From my point of view, however, a perfectly natural environment is essential to a country which wants to become stronger and more prosperous.

Initially, without a balance eco-system, a nation's economic will encounter a catastrophic effect. Since what the human being depend on is our nature which breeds all kinds of species, if we destroy it, which means that we loss a large number of animals and plants that we rely for existence. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is an agricultural town; recently there rose a tendency to eat birds. In that case, more and more people capture birds which feed on harmful insects under the drive of interests. As a result, insects reproduced in an incredible speed and devoured all our crops and kill our flocks and herds since we have few birds to protect us. The imbalance eco-system brings us a considerably financial loss.

Sequentially, it is environment protection, rather than economic development, that is the indispensable element of society for a health and friendly environment will boost our economic drastically. Take Yunnan province, one of the most charming attractions in China, for instance. The local government realized the signicance of protecting environment and build enormous nature reserves. Every year there are millions of tourist who are appealed to its magnificent scene visit and provide the government with a great deal of income. Through the eco-travel, people in Yunnan province have a plenty of job opportunities and obtain a life of happiness.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no ingredient has more influence on a country than environment protection. Only through forbidding the action of damaging nature, can we build a fantastic environment which in favor of our nation as well as its people.

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-1-22 19:55:39

It is common that most developing countries in the world consider that the economic development is a top priority while some developed countries which own splendid natural scenery and a wide variety of animals(应该强调野生动植物。Wildlife?) focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development.(大部分发达国家，即使自然资源丰富，好像也还是更重视经济发展吧) Obviously, developing countries have such a terrible economic situation so（so可以去掉such…that就可以了） that their governments care more about how to improve economic（economic为形容词，改为economy或economic growth/development） in order to foster(boost/enhance用的频率更高点) people's life standard（standard of living能稍地道点）. From my point of view, however, a perfectly（perfect。修饰environment而非natural） natural environment is essential to a country which wants to become stronger and more prosperous.Initially, without a balance (balanced) eco-system, a nation's economic (economy) will encounter a catastrophic effect. Since what the human being （human being指 A member of the genusHomo and especially of the species，这里用human beings） depend on is our nature which breeds all kinds of species, if we destroy it, which means that we loss (lose) a large number of animals and plants that we rely (rely on) for existence. (上面这句话全是分句，没有主句)A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is an agricultural town; recently there rose a tendency to eat birds. In that case, more and more people capture birds which feed on harmful insects under the drive of interests. As a result, insects reproduced in an incredible speed and devoured all our crops and kill our flocks and herds since we have few birds to protect us. The imbalance （of） eco-system brings us a considerably (considerable，修饰loss,非financial) financial loss.Sequentially, it is environment protection, rather than economic development, that is the indispensable element of society for (because) a health (healthy) and friendly environment will boost our economic drastically. （这个分论点稍显绝对。在某些例子中，如下文提到的生态旅游，环境保护确实可以促进经济发展。但是，第一，在大部分情况下，环境保护并不能带来经济利益，反而需要大量的投入。第二，生态旅游是否能有效保护环境?毕竟保护野生动物最好的办法是设立自然保护区以确保野生动物免受人类干扰。生态旅游只是一个折中的方案。第三，即使environment protection能boost our economic drastically，也很难说它rather than economic development,比如发展工业，科技等等）Take Yunnan province, one of the most charming attractions in China, for instance (an instance. instance为可数名词). The local government realized the significance of protecting environment and build enormous nature reserves. Every year there are millions of tourist who are appealed to its magnificent scene （to） visit and provide the government with a great deal of income. Through the eco-travel, people in Yunnan province have a plenty of job opportunities and obtain a life of happiness (建议稍婉转一点。通过生态旅游就能让一省人得到一生幸福？).Taking all these factors into account, probably no ingredient has more influence on a country than environment protection. Only through forbidding the action of damaging nature (可以直接用动词短语时，尽量不要用the action of或the fact of等。), can we build a fantastic environment which in favor of our nation as well as its people.（in favor of是副词短语，这个分句没有动词）

作者: JJohnnyy 时间: 2011-2-8 20:40:09

2.8 我写的是2.7的题目。。。
Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, which is a lasting burning issue, different people have different standpoints. It is not rare to hear that some people claim that one's working is more significant than being with one's family since they consider the success in career is their only goal of life. However, others hold the opposite viewpoint which I support powerfully that one's family outweighs his work. Because family can not only provide us with a safe and comfortable shelter which can prevent us from outside attack and bring us a plethora of peace and joy, but also facilitate the process of our work.

Initially, those individuals who possess enormous time that allow them being with their family members frequently are more likely to live happily and entertainingly. When we feel exhausted about those complicated and tough jobs, the recreation of accompanying families can easily rejuvenate and relieve us. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. I have a friend who is earning 100 thousand dollars a year in a famous computer software company. He told me that, from his own experience, employers like him who were employed by a considerable powerful company which has a wide variety of drastic competitions have to bear such a heavy burden and pressure so family gatherings are indispensable to them. After a week hard work, he always go to the cinema with his wife and son. By enjoying a great time with families, he will forget all kinds of trouble.

Sequentially, as the pace of life in today's world grows ever faster, we seem forever on the go. With so much to do and so little time to rest, we seem tiredness and have a low efficiency. How are we to cope? From my point of views, being with family member can boost our work. Take my uncle for instance. He is a manager who is in charge of production. Every day he has to cope with abundant tasks so that he wants to give up. When he considers quitting the job, however, he will play with his 3 years old son. If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no element had more effect on the daily lives of most people in the world than family. Only by accompanying family members, can we enjoy meaningful and recreational lives and reach the peak of career.

作者: WoYaoChiJiTui 时间: 2011-2-8 23:52:57

2.8 我写的是2.7的题目。。。
Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, w ...
JJohnnyy 发表于 2011-2-8 20:40

第一段第一句读起来很费劲啊，意思是很简单，没有必要刻意写长句啊。
关于第三段里的例子叔叔。If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job
这个，想到儿子算和家人在一起么？而且似乎lz只有一个分论点，就是工作累了和家人在一起可以放松，反过来对工作有好处，二、三两段其实意思基本是一样的。
虽然整体写的很不错，表述什么的都值得学习，但观点上有点单薄了，应该是有影响的。
PS：我没有写这篇，所以修改的意见肯定有偏驳，看着接受吧

作者: sourjuice 时间: 2011-2-9 15:34:57

Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, which is a lasting burning issue,(这个分句有点多余了) different people have different standpoints. It is not rare to hear that some people claim that one's working is more significant than being with one's family since they consider the success in career is their only goal of life. However, others hold the opposite viewpoint which I support powerfully that one's family outweighs his work. Because family can not only provide us with a safe and comfortable shelter which can prevent us from outside attack and bring us a plethora of peace and joy, but also facilitate the process of our work.（最后一句话感觉啰嗦了，which以后的可以简化一下或者省去）
Initially, those individuals who possess enormous time that allow them being with their family members frequently are more likely to live happily and entertainingly. When we feel exhausted about those complicated and tough jobs, the recreation of accompanying families can easily rejuvenate and relieve us. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. I have a friend who is earning 100 thousand dollars a year in a famous computer software company. He told me that, from his own experience, employers like him who were employed by a considerable powerful company which has a wide variety of drastic competitions have to bear such a heavy burden and pressure so family gatherings are indispensable to them. After a week hard work, he always go to the cinema with his wife and son. By enjoying a great time with families, he will forget all kinds of trouble.
感觉这个例子和这段论点不太合适啊，要不换一个吧。
Sequentially, as the pace of life in today's world grows ever faster, we seem forever on the go. With so much to do and so little time to rest, we seem tiredness and have a low efficiency. How are we to cope? From my point of views, being with family member can boost our work. Take my uncle for instance. He is a manager who is in charge of production. Every day he has to cope with abundant tasks so that he wants to give up. When he considers quitting the job, however, he will play with his 3 years old son. If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no element had more effect on the daily lives of most people in the world than family. Only by accompanying family members, can we enjoy meaningful and recreational lives and reach the peak of career.
第二个例子说family和work的关系好像不太明显，而且文章中两个观点，也有点少了吧。加油。

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