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标题: daily writing---我的作文帖。。 [打印本页]

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-1-31 20:04:59 标题: daily writing---我的作文帖。。

1月31日独立写作：In order to be success, it is better to be like others than to be different from everybody else

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-2-1 09:35:47

1# bibby00888
改好了

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-16 00:15:55

2.15独立写作

作者: 伶女 时间: 2011-2-16 15:48:18

写好了请把链接贴到daily writing版的占座帖上去呀～

feedback在这里了

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-18 19:46:57

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-2-18 22:25 编辑

2.18综合和独立

作者: 伶女 时间: 2011-2-19 00:35:45

已改2.18

作者: shadowran 时间: 2011-2-19 07:12:30

2.18 改·

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-19 21:06:29

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-2-20 09:55 编辑

2.18 综合+独立

作者: candis712 时间: 2011-2-20 14:11:56

2.19 tpo1修改

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-20 18:10:28

谢谢。。。很细致哦！ 9# candis712

作者: PsMaggie 时间: 2011-2-20 18:45:49

本帖最后由 PsMaggie 于 2011-2-21 09:15 编辑

修改

作者: hdchangie 时间: 2011-2-20 19:12:59

不好意思昨天回校，所以修改晚了~

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-21 09:43:25

谢谢Maggie 同学耐心的批改！！我照单全收！！好人好运！ 11# PsMaggie

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-21 09:44:04

呵呵，一开学就悲剧了！！ 11# PsMaggie

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-21 09:45:26

没什么！！开学意味着要抓紧了 12# hdchangie

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-2-21 13:07:00

不好意思迟了

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-22 21:58:46

2.22independent

作者: beangt 时间: 2011-2-23 09:36:31

2.22 独立修改
Nowadays, the high pace and heavy burden of everyday life force people to adopt themselves to the sharp changes. So much time occupied in official affairs, at the sacrifice of family get-together, not only can make the economic boom but also generate such social problems as the sense of family isolation, juvenile delinquents, and the high rate of divorce.(句子意思很好，但我觉得是不是少主语？还有这种转折关系用not only, but also不合适) So the assertion to say it is not important for families to eat meals together regularly may be unreasonable and a veil of many potential problems in a families.

Exactly, we had better not regard a regular meal as just a meal. First, it is a rare chance for every member of the family embodied with so much expectation, especially for the children who may live in state which is lack mother’s love or father’s love.(single-parent children?) It is vital for a child to experience a childhood filled with love rather than quarrel, which may have a life-long negative influence on the children. Second, during the meal, the children experience another style of education. For instance, children can learn the table manner which can teach the young what deeds are proper and what are impolite. That is knowledge may be used inevitably in our social life. After all, the regular meals let the member feel that we are a united family and we can rely on each other. The faith is so important for a family to build a brighter future together.

As is known to all, what cells are to human’s body, families are to the communities. Consequently, a good family atmosphere is the basic foundation of a harmonious society.(主题句应该放在前面比较好吧？) In retrospect to my experiences, family members to eat meals together are the sweetest memory in my childhood. It is a good chance to enhance emotional attachment among family members and the ease atmosphere can help us to release ourselves from the troublesome. What is more, a piece of advice for a certain problem or a some comfort words for a gloomy young man, may bring light to him. A meal can provide the children with advisable guidance, and the support for a family member’s career. Therefore, the meals are so significant that if a small problem can be solved in a certain family, there will be no big problems remaining in the whole society.

Finally, in order to maintain or fix the relationship of a family you may have other choices, however, the regular meal is the best choice to prevent the appearance (emergence) of gap in family. Because it is consistent and regular, the problem can be solved before the deterioration. Although, some people play down the effect of the small deed of a regular meal, I firmly believe that no matter individuals or the whole society can benefit from it a lot.

结构清楚明了，语言也不错，向你学习了，加油！

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-23 19:07:32

2.23 综合+独立

作者: sEven_zh 时间: 2011-2-23 19:44:23

2.22修改，不好意思晚了点

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-24 21:27:44

2.24独立

作者: PsMaggie 时间: 2011-2-25 10:12:58

迟到的修改。。。2.23综合

作者: sun3may 时间: 2011-2-25 20:31:44

2.24独立改好了
抱歉放上来晚了。
感觉文章写得很好的呢~

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-25 21:19:49

2.25独立+综合

作者: candis712 时间: 2011-2-26 11:37:31

2.25 独立修改

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-26 17:42:03

2.26独立+综合嘿嘿大家一起进步

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-2-26 20:24:23

2.25修改

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-26 21:06:47

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-2-26 21:24 编辑

2.26独立+++综合

作者: feifeionly 时间: 2011-2-27 16:54:08

26日独立

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-2-27 19:56:29

TPO 7 看过了，没有要改的地方，很好，继续加油~

作者: 伶女 时间: 2011-2-28 16:33:23

2.26 revised

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-2-28 21:15:16

2.28综合

作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-1 15:13:44

The lecture argues that the memoir writtenby Chevalier[url=]has reliable sources although the thing were recorded accurate,[/url][是因果关系吧，although是转折了]
which is not in agreementwith the reading passage. The passage claims that the Chevalier distorted manyevents.

First, the lecture suggests that the loansborrowed from the merchants are reasonable. Although he was very rich, moneywas needed before he gambled, so he borrowed money from merchants. However inthe reading passage, critics argue that his wealth was contradict to his large numbersof loans, and propose his memoir was not true.

Second, the lecture argues that there isevidence to prove that Chevalier got used to [url=]recorded[/url][名词形式]
something important inhis notebook, for example some conversations, and that can explain why hismemoir was so accurate. The reading passage insists that it is impossible forhim to remember exact what the conversations were.

Finally, the lecture suggests thatChevalier's escape from the prison [url=]is truth[/url][强调句型会更好， It is truth that。。。]
. There is no point forhim bribing the jailers, as many other people who had more [url=]powful[/url][Microsoft4]
friends still
failed to gain the freedom. And the more [url=]valied[/url][拼写]
evidence, thegovernment's documents, recorded that the prison had been repaired after the [没有escaption这个词吧]
, which could indicatethat he escaped the prison. However the [url=]readng[/url][拼写]
passage insists that the escapewere by the means of bribe.

So, the contents in the reading passage arejeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics
made in the reading.

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-1 20:44:55

3.1 independent writing

作者: beangt 时间: 2011-3-1 23:38:43

Nowadays, people gradually put more emphasis on the higher education, as it provides the society energy both in the aspect of labor force but also (and) the support of intelligence. Thus, it is no wander (wonder) to find the universities obtain more grants from the not only local government but the central government, but rare money got by the basic education sectors. However, I strongly object to this phenomenon which will do harm to our education system and finally restrict the country's development overall (overall development).

First, more attention should be paid on the basic education, as it provides qualified students for the higher education. (这点理由特别好，我当时就想了半天没想出来怎么说) It is a common sense that children are born with more gifts to do innovative things and what they learnt in his childhood may influence them lifelong (their future lives/careers). However, in China, it is common to see the lack of necessary facilities for primary schools to conduct physical experiments and a flat playground for the young to play soccer, which result in the low quality of basic education and side effects on the children's body development. On the contrary (In contrast比较好吧，没有预期的相反的意思), there are much considerable resources in the universities can not have a full play.

Second, the governments have more responsibility to add the basic education sector in financial aspect, for its absence of the ability to collect money. It is undeniable that the universities have more accesses to get more financial assistance, for their reputation, direct
contribution to the society , some other commercial purposes and the donations from schoolmates (alumni). However, what the secondary schools and middle schools can gain is limited. As far as I know, in some area of China, it is prevailing for schools owe the large numbers of salaries to teachers.

Finally, as the government over invested (has excessively funded) in the higher education, together with the deficiencies in supervision, sensational events related to corruption in China's universities spread very quickly. And the huge investments are often inefficiency (inefficient). More labors are built (这个词不太好，不知道换成什么invest?) but little achievement can bear out, which is an embarrassment has bothered China's education for a long time. Furthermore, inadequate financial assistance in the basic sector has greatly hindered the overall reform in the country's education.

To sum up, government should have a clear mind in the use of power to distribute the grants. As the basic education sector is the foundation, it is deserved more assistance than the universities. And we should make a balance to build a brighter future for Chinese children.
结构和理由都非常好，语言上有一些地方需要再斟酌一下，总体来说不错，继续加油！

作者: feifeionly 时间: 2011-3-2 11:14:37

来晚了些，8好意思：）

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-2 20:30:33

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-3-2 21:50 编辑

3.2综合

作者: sEven_zh 时间: 2011-3-3 16:38:12

3.2独立修改~

作者: hcp4715 时间: 2011-3-3 17:20:16

37# bibby00888 3.2独立修改[attach]161809[/attach]

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-3-3 17:51:16

综合已改

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-3 19:07:47

3.3综合

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-4 14:49:34

3.4独立+++综合

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-3-4 17:04:34

3.3

作者: xielijuan36 时间: 2011-3-5 10:25:24

综合
In the lecture, the professor makes several points about the links of the portrait to Jane Austen is questionable, challenging what is stated in the reading passage that there are good reasons to believe the painting's subject is Jane Austen.

First, the professor argues that it is after Jane's death for 70 years that her family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters. So, her family members might do not see her by themselves. On the contrary, the reading passage believes the family's claim can ensure the subject on the painting is Jane.

Second, according to the professor, the subject had a possibility to be Jane's female cousins because she had a large family in which her relatives resembled the most. Thus, the similar features can not guarantee the subject is exact Jane Austen.

Finally, another point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading passage is that there is evidence to prove the painting may have a latter date. In other words, the painting was sold, when Austen was 27 rather than when she was a teenager. However, the reading passage holds the point that the portrait's date meets the period when Jane Austen was a girl.
没什么问题，写的挺好的，结构清晰，用了一些模板，细节差不多都注意到了

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-5 12:16:31

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-3-5 13:55 编辑

3.5独立++综合

作者: liu9046114 时间: 2011-3-5 18:39:53

本帖最后由 liu9046114 于 2011-3-5 18:44 编辑

3.4 独立修改

Nowadays, the relations between each person may gradually play a more and more significant role in the society, especially in the long journey of one's personal career. However, it is too hasty to assert that our future career is more related to other people than study hard at school by ourselves.

First, the high quality of education lays the foundation for one's future career and to a certain extent it frequently determines the direction of your（one’s） career. As is known to all, our ideals, personalities and even the methods we treat people are formed at school. What's more, hard work is usually regarded as a precious wealth which can benefit us lifelong. Study hard is not only for the purpose of decent marks, but also cultivates such qualities as perseverance, self-discipline and self-realization. They（these） are deeply rooted in one's mind and never fade away.

Second, the old saying (goes delete), a man is his own muster and determines his own destiny, tells us it is better to rely on ourselves rather than others, and that is what I deeply convince. It is clear that there are no forever friends but the perpetual interests. If we real（really） want to be an independent person we should have our own expertise, depending on which at least we can earn our lives. On the contrary, overestimated relations can not solve everything, for example, peers will(would) look down upon those who use relations to get a promotion and speak ill a word, which deteriorates the ties with the colleagues.

Finally, if we put more premiums on the others, it will inevitably cause harmful deeds such as briber and corruption. It is no wonder to see, especially in China where the relations play an in important in the whole society, that the leaders get varieties of gifts in festivals for no reasons, and obviously that is corruption. This phenomenon dose unspeakable bad for the society, not mention a person’s future career.

In addition, only by studying hard which enables to have integrated skills to be qualified for the job can we have a brighter future career. Relation, may sometimes accelerate the process of career, but it can never (be) a substitute for one’s endeavor.

用词，句式很丰富，条理也是很清晰的，呵呵学习呢~~

作者: hcp4715 时间: 2011-3-6 13:13:14

45# bibby00888 3.5独立作文修改[attach]161965[/attach]

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-6 19:54:48

3.7综合

作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-6 21:18:05

[attach]161983[/attach]不好意思，我把你的名字和另一位同学（bean）的搞错了，所以之前批改的是他的文章，非常抱歉

作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-6 21:22:34

[attach]161984[/attach]请查收

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-6 22:37:49

没事 49# Go2011Go

作者: Go2011Go 时间: 2011-3-8 08:38:22

[attach]162037[/attach]

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-8 17:31:45

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-3-8 18:14 编辑

3.8独立++综合

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-9 13:15:15

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-3-9 13:18 编辑

3.9综合

作者: corrine97 时间: 2011-3-9 23:51:26

3.8 综合修改
不好意思。迟了改~~~

In the lecture, the professor makes several points about the issue of the spread of cane toad. The professor argues that the measures will not succeed, challenging the point which is stated in the reading passage that several measures haven been proposed to stop the spread of cane.

First, the professor suggests that a national fence will cause environmental damage and can not work well. As the eggs of cane toad and young cane toads can be brought from one side of the fence to the other by rivers or steams, because the spread of toads will not be prevented. However, the reading passage insists that the national fence can prevent the cane toads moving into the regions that have not been colonized by them.

Second, according to the professor, the untrained volunteers will destroy the native frogs, and some of which are endangered, because it is hard to distinguish them from young cane toads. In contrast, the reading passage only claims that the collective effort might stop toads from spreading, ignoring the protection of other precious species.

Finally, another point the professor uses to cast against the reading passage is that the disease-causing virus may does harm for cane toads in South America and causes the ecological disaster, because the virus can be transported to America by several ways, and kill the original toads which is an essential part of the ecosystem. However, this point is neglected by the reading passage which merely insists that virus will control the population of cane toads.

观点都齐全了。。但有一段总结段落会好一点吧。。。加油啊！！！

作者: 笑会计 时间: 2011-3-10 09:09:15

改好

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-10 17:40:51

3.10综合

作者: corrine97 时间: 2011-3-11 01:16:56

3.10的综合作文已经看完了。
点都写到了。而且结构、用词等方面都没有发现问题。
写得很好哦~~加油！！
还有我今天状态不是很好，综合可能写得很烂，望体谅！

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-11 11:31:34

本帖最后由 bibby00888 于 2011-3-11 18:53 编辑

3.11 两篇

作者: 乡亲们跟我上 时间: 2011-3-11 17:49:23

3.10 综合改好。
今天有事情，刚才改了，不好意思
请回改一下，辛苦~

作者: Chwy 时间: 2011-3-12 03:02:43

综合修gia

In the lecture, the professor makes several points about the three methods to protect the endangered Torreya taxifoha, and the professor suggests none of these methods is satisfied to solve the problem, challenging what is stated in the reading passage that the three ways can address the decline of Torreya.

First, the professor argues that
reestablishing Torreya in the same location is unlikely successful, as the global warming results in the increasing temperature, extending dry area in the state of Florida, and the microclimate is inevitably influenced by it. However, by contrast,重复了 the reading passage states that Northern Florida's microclimate is very favorable for Torreya.
看了你的我才明白听力里讲的怎么回事学习了

Second, according the professor, moving Torreya to an entirely different location also can't work well; because the example the professor illustrates shows the relocation will cause unpredictable outcomes. Torreya may spread quickly and kill many local endangered species. And this point is totally contradicts the view in the reading passage.不知道这样算不算由例子里推出的自己的观点最好就直接沿用听力里说的那个例子不过也许是我没听好呵呵

Finally, another point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading passage is that the research centers can not hold enough Torreya to keep the genetically diverse, which is vital for trees to resist disease. However, this point differs that it can ensure the continued survival of the species, demonstrated in the reading passage.我这个点完全听错了原来是因为遗传问题大囧

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the professor from three aspects and the professor has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading passage.

写的很好学习了

作者: bibby00888 时间: 2011-3-12 20:05:13

tpo19

作者: cacovil 时间: 2011-3-13 08:58:19

In the lecture, a part-time buzzer makes several points that the buzzing is often misleading and gives wrong impression to the customers, by telling his personal experience from three aspects, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that buzzing is not trustful.

First of all, the buzzer claims that a buzzers are real users of a certain product, only when they feel the product is good, will they agree to be buzzers of the company; and what they say on the phone are truth. However, the reading passage holds the point that buzzers just praise products for money, and ignore the real information of the products.

Second, according to the buzzer, customers will ask him questions, only if they think the answers are good, will they buy the products. By contrast, the reading passage argues that buzzers claims are questionable, and they can do harm to the consumers.

Finally, another point the buzzer uses to cast doubt on the reading passage is that it is stupid to think that the civilization will become bad just for the buzzers' claim. On the contrary, as customers ask more questions about the products, more trust will be added on each other. However, this point differs that buzzing may cause the wide spread of mistrust and impair the social relationship, demonstrated in the reading passage.（第三点中不是问了很多问题才会建立信任，是用好的他们的产品，就又有个good experience,才会产生信任，并且也对别人open to people比如说电话服务.）

Thus it can be inferred that the buzzer challenges the reading passage by giving reasons as to why he thinks buzzers are misunderstood and the really can do good to the customers.
.大体的点都写到了，写的挺好，从你的句式我也学到了很多....学习了

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