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标题: daily writing by qianhuang [打印本页]

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-2-28 20:14:30     标题: daily writing by qianhuang



2月28日 独立

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends?
字数：351          用时：01:30:00          日期：2011-2-28 19:47:21

Today, many people move to new cities or new countries as a result of various reasons such as job demand, seeking for better living environment. Leaving old home lead to the lose of familar surroundings and a lot of friends. But I do not think that because of the lose of old friends, moving to a new place becomes a bad thing.

Most of people prefer to stay and live in an stable environment rather than move often. So when someone decides to move, it must be some reasons urge he/she to do so. Perhaps there are more job opportunities in the new city or country, or maybe most of his/her relatives are living in the new place and the place is more convient for people to live. Thus comparing with the lose of old friends, job, relatives and good living surrounding are more important for a person. For instance, nowadays there are a number of parents move to a new city or a new country for the reason that they hope their children can get the best education where some best school are located. Albeit they lose some close friends, better furture of their children means more to them.

Moreover, although people may lose old friends and feel lonely at the beginning, he/she can get in touch with new people in the new place and make new friends. So people can still have a lot of friends around. And I also believe that really good friends won't be alienated because of one's leaving. At the present day, people communicate with others by kinds of methods, like call a phone, send E-mail, send short message and so on. If olds friends are willing to keep touch with each other, their friendship won't be frozen off. So the friends people lose caused by moving are not their best friends. If a person move for a new job, the lose of these old friends influences he/she very little.

To sum up, Even though people lose old friends, it is not often a bad thing to move to a new city or a new country. Perhaps they feel lonely at first, but when they are used to new life, they will make new friends and may have a better life.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-2-28 22:34:51



2月28日 综合 TPO8


The lecturer talks about the citics of Chevalier's memoir. She says that although no man more can correct every detail in the memoir, there are some reliable sources which can prove most things in Chevalier's memoir are accurate. She then refutes the three examples critics support.

First, critics says that it is a lie that Chevalier was wealhy, and he even lived on borrowing money. But the lecturer argues that Chevalier borrowed money because he spent a huge amout of money on parties and gambling, and he won't have so much money on him. It took a few days for him to wait money arrive, so he borrowed first. Thus, it is not truth critics says he was poor.

Second, the speaker says the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire can not be suspected. She argues that there are evidents that Chevalier wrote down every thing as possible as he can each night after the conversations, and when he wrote this memoir, he can remember exact detail by the notes.

Third, critics are skeptical about Chevalier's escape experience from the prison. The lecturer says that there are no friends have more power than Chevalier, so no one can help him. And even more, after Chevalier's escape, all of the prison's ceiling had been repaired. If he did not make a hole, prison did not need to repair it.

同样~写完第一篇综合存在的几点问题：
1. 字数要求？？
2. 尽量按听写来写作文呢还是按自己的想法修改一下句子？

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作者: waiting1    时间: 2011-3-1 00:55:43

Today, many people move to new cities or new countries {【as a result of (似乎多余了。应该可以直接用for）various reasons such as job demand（这个。我不知道你想表达什么。是为了工作吗？好像没有job demand这种说法的。）, seeking for better living environment（我好想很少见到living environment这种说法，比较多见的应该是living condition吧？）】原因这句，如果是我，直接写for a ideal job and a better living condition。似乎这样写一来可以明白，二来不易犯错。Reason的话，后面应该直接加定从吧}. Leaving old home（这个old home好像有点中式英语把。） leads（lead要加s） to the lose of familar surroundings and a lot of friends. But I do not think that（如果这里是指代，我觉得可能会造成指代不明。直接用从句吧。但是直接用从句可能又会造成啰嗦的重复吧。所以我建议用I think xxx）
because of the lose of old friends, moving to a new place becomes a bad thing. （because后面是跟名词。而且这里的原因我也有点看不懂- -。）
综合第一段，你可以先试着用更简单点的句子把你想要说的表达清楚。这里的观点我不是很明白额。



Most of people prefer to stay and live in（重复了）
an（维萨米是an啊？） stable environment rather than move often（这里的话，可能比较中式英语。Move their house too often也许好点）. So when someone decides to move, it（there） must be some reasons
which

urge he/she to do so. Perhaps there are more job opportunities in the new city or country（有点重复）, or maybe most of his/her（不要这样用比较好。直接用their吧） relatives are living in the（为什么要特指呢？） new place and the（this） place is more convient for people to live. Thus（这个thus似乎可以去掉） comparing（compared） with the lose of old friends, job, relatives and good living surrounding are more important for a（one？） person. （从这里之后好像跳跃的有点严重了。因为你前面实在讲job，relatives，living surrounding，后面突然用edu来举例。似乎不妥）For instance, nowadays there are a number of parents move to a new city or a new country for the reason that they hope their children can（用could更好） get the best education where some best schools（单复数） are located（我感觉这个从句有点不妥额。但说不上来。我语法分析能力不好。也许是感觉错了）. Albeit they（those parents？初读我没看出指代谁） lose some close friends, better furture of their children means more to them.
1）如果你这段的主旨是第一句的话。也应该是第一段是主旨。那么，后面的内容应该是写为什么这群人喜欢不搬家。不要绕到说有些人不得不搬家的原因。然后让读者去理解他们其实不想搬。我的这个意思有点绕，解释的不很清楚。简言之，就是要直白，不要绕。
2）关于这个例子。搬家==》孩子们更好的教育==》孩子们更好的未来。后面两个似乎缺了个东西。我们当然觉得更好的教育就有了更好的未来。但似乎米国人不是这样觉得的。跳了太多。比如你可以说好教育==》好工作==》好未来。我不知道我这样对不对。我试图从我同学和我说的去想你这里的问题。

Moreover, although people may lose old friends and feel lonely at the beginning（要说清楚。恩。而且，如果你用了and，我感觉这个关系不很紧密。似乎，people who lose their old friends would feel lonely at the beginning of their new life更好。）, he/she can get in touch with（我感觉这个动词应该是和老朋友联系的吧。新朋友的话，似乎直接make new friends就好了吧。） new people in the new place and make new friends. So people can still have a lot of friends around. And I also（and和also较重复） believe that really good friends（比较中式吧。结合后面的内容Our old friends似乎更好）
won't be alienated because of one's（our） leaving. At the present day（at present）, people are able to communicate with others by kinds of
（各种各样的？Various kinds of）methods, like call a phone（making a phone call）, sending E-mails, send（texting）short messages and so on. If olds friends are willing to keep
in
touch with each other, their friendship won't be frozen off（持保留意见）. So the friends people lose caused by moving（移动？要说清楚是搬家哦） are not their best friends.（哇。我看了半天刚看到这个观点。这个不对额。观点要开门见山）
If a person move for a new job, the lose of these old friends influences he/she very little.（最后句话有点累赘。不知道想表达什么哈。如果是观点，就要有证明）
如果你的观点是这段倒数第二句话，那这段中间前半部分应该是不需要的。所以建议先写观点。然后思考用什么方法去证明你的观点。

To sum up, Even though people lose
their old friends, it is not often a bad thing to move to a new city or a new country（原来你是在一直重复题目啊。。）. Perhaps they would
feel lonely at first, but when they are used to
their new life, they could make new friends and may（删） have a better life.

总的来说。内容有点不清晰额。试图用简单的
论点+论据来写吧。不要绕。首先可以列提纲，要列的你觉得肯定是在说明题目。然后每段先写观点。在用内容来支持观点。。。加油啊。



抱歉弄的有点乱。我不能上传附件。么的办法。。。

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作者: sEven_zh    时间: 2011-3-1 17:36:58

Today, many people move to new cities or new countries as a result of various reasons (这句话有欠斟酌，因为‘理由’不能导致‘结果’，这里就说because of就好了，不要画蛇添足) such as job demand, seeking for better living environment. Leaving old home lead to the lose of familar surroundings and a lot of friends. But I do not think that because of the lose of old friends, moving to a new place becomes a bad thing. （这句话太初级了，不适合托福，给个建议，仅供参考：I don’t think the loss of old friends can be a predominant factor that hamper people to make a decision of moving to another places. ）' h' H3 Z" F8 n4 G+ a
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Most of people prefer to stay and live in an stable environment rather than move often. So when someone decides to move, it must be some reasons urge he/she (him/her) to do so. Perhaps there are more job opportunities in the new city or country, or maybe most of his/her relatives are living in the new place and the place is more convient for people to live. Thus comparing with the lose of old friends, job, relatives and good living surrounding are more important for a person. For instance, nowadays there are a number of parents move to a new city or a new country for the reason that they hope their children (有点重复，要不就说for the reason that their children can receive a better education，要不就说because they hope。。。。。。) can get the best education where some best school are located. Albeit they lose some close friends, better furture of their children means more to them. （要记住，逻辑比句子的华丽更重要，ETS考察的事考生的总结能力，表达能力和逻辑思维，最重要的事把意思表达清楚，而不是追求句子的华丽）
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Moreover, although people may lose old friends and feel lonely at the beginning, he/she can get in touch with new people in the new place and make new friends.（get in touch with new friend和make new friends有什么不同呢- -你把这两个顺序倒过来也好点啊） So people can still have a lot of friends around. And I also believe that really good friends won't be alienated because of one's leaving. At the present day, people communicate with others by many kinds of methods, like call a phone （take a phone call）, send an E-mail, send short （你想说短信的话，直接message就好了）message and so on. If olds friends are willing to keep touch with each other, their friendship won't be frozen off. So the friends people lose caused by moving are not their best friends. If a person move for a new job, the lose of these old friends influences he/she very little. （你好像有点chinglish啊- - 这里说成 have a little influence比较顺点吧）
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To sum up, Even though people lose old friends, it is not often a bad thing to move to a new city or a new country. Perhaps they feel lonely at first, but when they are get used to new life, they will make new friends and may have a better life.

感觉楼主的句型比较匮乏，观点还可以，但是表达的不够准确，大家一起加油吧~

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作者: mresc    时间: 2011-3-2 22:13:54

2月28日 综合 TPO8

The lecturer talks about the citics（critics） of (the) Chevalier's memoir. She says that （although no man more can correct every detail in the memoir)(括号中语句删去), there are some reliable sources which can prove most things in Chevalier's memoir are accurate（the accuracy of the Chevalier’s memoir）. She then refutes the three examples critics(这句话删去).
First（Firstly）, critics says that it is a lie that (the)Chevalier was wealhy(rich), and he even lived on borrowing money. But the lecturer argues that (the)Chevalier borrowed money because he spent a huge amout of money on parties and gambling, and he won't have so much money on him. It took a few days for him to wait money （to）arrive, so he borrowed first. Thus, it is not truth critics says he was poor.（This directly contradicts what the reading says）(理由不对，主要的理由是主人公拥有的是不动产，需要等待资金周转，这个理由请写在最前面)
Second(Secondly), the speaker says the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire can not be suspected(since this event happened long time before the publish of his memoir). She argues that there are evidents(testimonies) that (the) Chevalier wrote down every thing as possible as he can each night after the conversations, and when he wrote this memoir, he can remember exact detail by the notes.(这个理由到位)
Third（Thirdly）, critics are skeptical about (the)Chevalier's escape experience from the prison. The lecturer says that some of his cellmates had more political powers than (the) Chevalier, so it’s not true by claiming someone helped him. And even more, after Chevalier's escape, all(one) of the prison's ceiling had been repaired according to a government file. If he did not make a hole, prison did not need to repair it. So this is a cogent reason to believe what the Chevalier wrote was based on the fact.

同样~写完第一篇综合存在的几点问题：
1. 字数要求？？
不少于200
2. 尽量按听写来写作文呢还是按自己的想法修改一下句子？
必须要修改！多加一点连接词，把逻辑关系理清楚再写！你的文章逻辑不太清晰，记住把重要的卸载前面！多用连接词。

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作者: sEven_zh    时间: 2011-3-2 22:37:16

The lecturer talks about the citics of Chevalier's memoir.(lecture讲的是对这个回忆录的批评吗？) She says that although no man more（？） can correct every detail in the memoir, there are some reliable sources which can prove most things in Chevalier's memoir are accurate. She then refutes the three examples critics support.
* f1 k9 K! x! D* {# y+ T! q  t% X9 I4 E
First, critics says that it is a lie that Chevalier was wealhy (wealthy), and he even lived on borrowing money. But the lecturer argues that Chevalier borrowed money because he spent a huge amout of money on parties and gambling, and he won't have so much money on him. It took a few days for him to wait money arrive, so he borrowed first. Thus, it is not a truth critics says he was poor. (注意单词别拼错)
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( N  E' @' {' }% [/ \Second, the speaker says the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire can not be suspected. She argues that there are evidents that Chevalier wrote down every thing as possible as he can each night after the conversations, and when he wrote this memoir, he can remember exact detail by (referring) the notes.
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Third, critics are skeptical about Chevalier's escape experience from the prison. The lecturer says that there are no friends have more power than Chevalier, so no one can help him. (这里听错了,听力说的是,他的prison mates里面有权利比他大的,却都没有逃出去,所以不可能是借助了权利人士的帮助) And even more, after Chevalier's escape, all of the prison's ceiling had been repaired. If he did not make a hole, prison did not need to repair it.# `' U* l9 W5 J4 T% i

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-15 21:30:57

3月15日 综合写作 TPO2
According to the reading material, tworeasons are given to prove the state a team of people brings several advantagesfor a project. However, in the lecture, the speaker challenges the readingpassage's argument for providing a drastically contradictory example that acompany turned over some projects to teams of people but did not benefit. It isquite clear that the lecture is casting doubt on the reading passage.

First of all, even though a group of peoplehelps to obtain wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills, we can not besure that every people in the group will endeavor at the same extent. In fact,according to the speaker's saying, in every team, there are some members who donot contribute much but get much "free ride", while those members whosolute problem well may can't stand out because the process belongs to thegroup finally. In this case, team work can not help members to "shine",but actually decrease their enthusiasm.

Secondly, when it comes to a project,although there are more people to do the same job, it may not help to improve efficiency.In the lecture the speaker argues that the project moved not quickly asexcepted. For instance, there are many meetings which cost much time to reachthe agreement of all members' points. Furthermore, there are usually one ormore influential people whose idea often represents most members' idea. Consequently,some different but truly effective idea is ignored. Albeit these membersdisagreed with the wrong idea, the blame also place on all people in the group.

To sum up, we can easily conclude that thepoints of the lecture are contradicted to those of the reading passage, Theexample the speaker cites clearly demonstrates that the reading passage is notpersuasive as it stands.

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作者: corrine97    时间: 2011-3-16 01:00:14

3.15 综合改
According to the reading material, two reasons are given to prove the state a team of people brings several advantages for a project. However, in the lecture, the speaker challenges the readingpassage's argument for providing a drastically contradictory example that acompany turned over some projects to teams of people but did not benefit. It isquite clear that the lecture is casting doubt on the reading passage.  e% C3 Y$ a, F, L" e

First of all, even though a group of peoplehelps to obtain wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills, we can not besure that every people in the group will endeavor at the same extent. In fact,according to the speaker's saying, in every team, there are some members who donot contribute much but get much "free ride", while those members whosolute problem well may can't stand out because the process belongs to thegroup finally. In this case, team work can not help members to "shine",but actually decrease their enthusiasm.(“shine”这个点我个人认为不应当是在这一段写的，reading中认为members 会感觉到“shine”是在他们的想法被得到recognized之后，所以应该放在第二段) ' `2 B: P$ @( C# o8 A) M  f2 i. f; Y
Secondly, when it comes to a project,although there are more people to do the same job, it may not help to improve efficiency.In the lecture the speaker argues that the project moved not quickly asexcepted. For instance, there are many meetings which cost much time to reachthe agreement of all members' points. Furthermore, there are usually one ormore influential people whose idea often represents most members' idea. Consequently,some different but truly effective idea is ignored. Albeit these membersdisagreed with the wrong idea, the blame also place on all people in the group.5 y+ Y+ k! o5 ^% [. C5 l& e9 i
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To sum up, we can easily conclude that thepoints of the lecture are contradicted to those of the reading passage, Theexample the speaker cites clearly demonstrates that the reading passage is

点都找全了。但表达有点chinglish。加油哦！！

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-17 09:08:53

3.16 TPO3In the lecture, the speaker challenges thereading passage's argument for providing some drastically contradictoryevidence that the original painting is masked by someone. He says the claimstated in the passage was somewhat inaccurate when compared to reexamineresult.

First of all, the original painting iscovered by other dye, because someone wants to increase the value of thispainting by making the woman looks like an aristocratic lady. After reexamination,the original fur color is consistent with the identity of the woman. In otherword, this painting is harmonious with Rembrandt's style.

Secondly, after removing the surfacecamouflage, the color of fur collar is light which reflect light well. So theface appears naturally as the painting shows. In other words, Rembrandt stillcontrol the light and shadow well in this painting.

Thirdly, through reexamination, the speakersays that it is a single piece of wood that the original painting was paintedon. Furthermore, this kind of wood was just used in Rembrandt's anotherpainting. That is, several piece of wood was used by other people to modify thepainting. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

To sum up, we can easily conclude that thepoints of the lecture are contradicted to those of the reading passage. Theevidence the speaker cites clearly demonstrates that the reading passage is notpersuasive as it stands.

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作者: corrine97    时间: 2011-3-17 12:58:50

3.16 综合已经改完了~~没有发现什么问题。所以就不贴上来了

继续加油！！！

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-18 12:02:33

3月17日 综合 TPO4The lecture revised the theory stated inthe passage that dinosaurs are endotherms rather than reptiles. She cites threereasons as following to refute the text.

First of all, there is evidence whichproves that polar regions when polar dinosaurs lived were warmer than today.And at that time, the regions were warm enough for those animals that aren'tendotherms to live. Furthermore, along with the polar regions becoming coolerand cooler, dinosaurs already left. Thus, we can not be sure dinosaurs canendure cold weather by these polar dinosaur fossils.

Secondly, admittedly, dinosaurs' legs arepositioned underneath their body, the lecture claims that this structure is notused for running or efficient movement. Actually, it is common sense thatdinosaurs have large size and high weight, so they need this structure tosupport more weight.

Thirdly, not only haversian canals, thebones of dinosaurs also contain growth rings which make them stop growing orgrow more slowly during cold period. In fact, this is character of reptiles. Ifdinosaurs are endotherms, they will grow rapidly even when the weather is cold.

To sum up, we can easily conclude that thepoints of the lecture are contradicted to those of the reading passage. The evidencethe lecture cites clearly demonstrates that the passage is not persuasive as itstands.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-19 19:42:31

3.18 综合The lecture actually contradicts all the theoriesstated in the passage. He says none of them are correct according to the fact.

First of all, although the Chaco structureslook like residential, it is impossible for hundreds of people to live. Theprofessor says that if there are so many residents, there must be plentiful furniturelike fireplace found by archaeologists, because the furniture is needed forevery family. In fact, only very few fireplaces are found in Chaco whichindicates it won't be a residential place.

Secondly, there is no evidence can supportthe theory that the Chaco structures were used for storing food. The professoracknowledges that the large space of Chaco is available to store grain maize,but he also points out that they can only use some big containers to store thesefoods. Furthermore, there are maize containers under the floor which canfulfill the need.

Thirdly, the assumption that these houseswere used as ceremonial centers is refuted by that fact archaeologists foundnot only large number of broken pots, but also some other building materialslike sand, stone. That is, these materials are not used for holding ceremoniesbut just remains when building the houses.

To sum up, the lecture revises three ideaspresented in the text. So, the purpose of Chaco Canyon is still a mystery.

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作者: lv1015    时间: 2011-3-20 20:02:47

12# qianhuang

3.18 综合改 The lecture actually contradicts all the theories stated in the passage. He （the lecture is he?）says none of them are correct according to the fact.* w3 r8 e  o- p8 A: [3 H $ b4 Q8 [( n+ j" E* [ First of all, although the Chaco structures look like residential, it is impossible for hundreds of people to live. The professor says that if there are so many residents, there must (should好点吧？） be plentiful furniture like fireplace found by archaeologists, because the furniture is needed for every family. In fact, only very few fireplaces are found in Chaco which indicates it won't （couldn't会不会更好点？） be a residential place.% d9 Y8 ?9 i% O, Q  L: B9 O3 [' e ! k( {. t9 q5 }5 P' z# O' xSecondly, there is（这两词在此句中多余吧？） no evidence can support the theory that the Chaco structures were used for storing food. The professor acknowledges that the large space of Chaco is available to store grain maize,but he also points out that they can only use some big containers to store these foods. Furthermore, there are maize containers under the floor which can fulfill the need. (这段的听力论据不太准，建议再听一边哦)u6 ~$ [, n4 G2 j 2 I0 y3 S. s0 n2 A. O" k- J6 e9 n Thirdly, the assumption that these houses were used as ceremonial centers is refuted by that（the） fact （that） archaeologists found not only large number of broken pots, but also some other building materials like sand, stone. That is（没有见过that is用句首解释前面已经结束的句子，建议查证一下，我不确定这样是否正确）, these materials are not used for holding ceremonies but just remains when building the houses. ; T( o. |# {2 g' ?1 f# R 0 T/ i; p. u& Z7 F) @# hTo sum up, the lecture revises three ideas presented in the text. So, the purpose of Chaco Canyon is still a mystery. 以上个人观点，仅供楼主参考，谢谢诶

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-22 16:37:35

TPO 8 综合The lecture contradicts the statementpresented in the passage that Chevalier distorted or invented many events inthe memoir. The professor is of the view that although no one can be sure it iscompletely correct, the memoir is accurate overall depending on a reliable historicalsource.

First of all, critics say that Chevalierseems not to be so wealthy as the memoir described, because he often needed toborrow money. However, the professor talks about the fact that Chevalier actuallyhas great number of asset, but these assets needed to be converted to money forseveral days. That is, since he spent huge money on party and gambling, heoften borrowed money first to wait his own money.

Secondly, critics suspect the accuracy ofthe conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire. Admittedly, no one canpossibly capture these conversations accurately after many years. However, theprofessor points out Chevalier wrote down every detail in his notes each nightafter the conversations. So the notes which were preserved well help him torecord these precious conversations.

Thirdly, critics doubt the experience abouthow Chevalier escaped from the prison. Nonetheless, they have no evidence tosupport their assumption that Chevalier bribed someone to free himself. As theprofessor says, there are other people who have more powerful friends thanChevalier, but no one of them had escaped from prisons. Furthermore, after hisescape, the ceiling of the old prison room was repaired. If Chevalier did notmake a hole in the ceiling, why the prison needs to repair it?

To sum up, the passage's suspicion ofChevalier's memoir is unreasonable and premature because the evidence cited inthe text does not support them strongly.

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作者: sun3may    时间: 2011-3-22 23:16:48

改TPO 8 综合The lecture contradicts the statementpresented in the passage that Chevalier distorted or invented many events inthe memoir. The professor is of the view（？） that although no one can be sure it i scompletely correct, the memoir is accurate overall depending on a reliable historical source.

First of all, critics say that Chevalier seems not to be so wealthy as the memoir described, because he often needed to borrow money. However, the professor talks about the fact that Chevalier actually has great number of asset, but these assets needed to be converted to money forseveral days. That is, since he spent huge money on party and gambling, he often borrowed money first to wait his own money.

Secondly, critics suspect the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire. Admittedly, no one can possibly capture these conversations accurately after many years. However, theprofessor points out Chevalier wrote down every detail in his notes each night after the conversations. So the notes which were preserved well help him to record these precious conversations.6 V1 [! I3 z$ x$ u

" U4 s- ]. S* k5 K' K) m* y& p
Thirdly, critics doubt the experience abouthow Chevalier escaped from the prison. Nonetheless, they have no evidence to support their assumption that Chevalier bribed someone to free himself. As theprofessor says, there are other people who have more powerful friends than Chevalier, but no one of them had escaped from prisons. Furthermore, after his escape, the ceiling of the old prison room was repaired. If Chevalier did not make a hole in the ceiling, why the prison needs to repair it?（建议还是用陈述句吧~）1 E0 H+ J( a/ t

To sum up, the passage's suspicion of Chevalier's memoir is unreasonable and premature because the evidence（加上s） cited inthe text does not support them strongly.


要点挺全的，语言也挺流畅的，没啥大问题。
一起加油！

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-25 11:14:56

TPO10 综合
The lecturecontradicts the theory stated in the passage that the population of sea otterdeclines due to environmental pollution. The professor claims that predationtheory is more convincing than pollution theory by reasons as following.

First of all, pollutiontheory is weakened by the fact that it is hard to find dead sea otter. If theyare killed by chemical pollution, there must be many dead sea otters found onbeach. However, when they are hunted by predators, the body is eaten so fewremain can be found.

Secondly, thepassage says that other sea mammals were also declining which is caused byenvironmental pollution. However, the professor refutes this assumption by theevidence that the population of whales which are predator's food was reducingas a result of human hunt, so predator began to eat small mammals like seaotter, seals and sea lions.

Thirdly, theprofessor thinks the uneven pattern of otter decline is better evidence whichsupports predation theory than pollution theory. Since predators' size islarge, they are not able to access to shallow and rocky location. Thisindicates that in the places when have a lot of shallow and rock, otters'population is not declines, while in other places predators can hunt otters soeasily that otter population remained stable.

To sum up, thepassage's theory is unreasonable and premature because the evidence cited inthe text does not support them strongly.

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作者: ttuuttuu    时间: 2011-3-25 16:13:22

The lecturecontradicts the theory stated in the passage that the population of sea otterdeclines due to environmental pollution+atachs by predators. The professor claims that predation theory is more convincing than pollution theory by reasons as following.

First of all, pollutiontheory is weakened by the fact that it is hard to find dead sea otter. If theyare killed by chemical pollution, there must be many dead sea otters found onbeach. However, when they are hunted by predators, the body is eaten so fewremain(??) can be found.
Secondly, the reading passage says that other sea mammals were also declining which is caused byenvironmental pollution. However, the professor refutes this assumption by theevidence that the population of whales which are predator's food was reducingas a result of human hunt, so predators began to eat small mammals like seaotters, seals and sea lions.

Thirdly, theprofessor thinks the uneven pattern of otter decline is better evidence whichsupports predation theory than pollution theory. Since predators' size islarge, they are not able to access to shallow and rocky location. Thisindicates that in the places when have a lot of shallow and rock(錯了), otters'population is not declines, while in other places predators can hunt otters soeasily that otter population remained stable.

To sum up, thepassage's theory is unreasonable and premature because the evidence cited inthe text does not support them strongly.

三點都有講到~結論句不需要

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-26 16:24:36

TPO11 综合
The lecture talks about three reasons whythere has been a decline in book reading. Albeit the professor acknowledge thetrend, she disagree the theory stated in the passage.

First of all, the passage claims thatnothing else provides the intellectual stimulation than literature does.However, the professor refutes this view by saying that there is some writingabout science, history and politics which may can't be called as literature butare also creative and benefit people. That is, although people may not readliterature, it does not mean they are not reading good books.

Secondly, the passage talks about the trendthat people are more likely to turn to television or Internet instead ofreading which has lowered the level of culture. Admittedly the trend haschanged. However, the culture is also changed. To get benefit, we no longerneed to focus on reading, but choose what we prefer from various creativeforms. These forms of expression don't decline the culture but rich it.

Thirdly, the professor acknowledges thatthere are less support for literature, but she also point out it is notreaders' fault but may be the authors' fault which leads to this result. Shecites the evidence that there are many literatures which is really difficult tounderstand.

To sum up, the passage blames readers unreasonablyand prematurely according the professor's saying.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-27 09:27:43

TPO 12 综合The lecture contradicts the statementpresented in the passage that the subject of the portrait of a teenage girl isJane Austen. The professor claims that the passage is not convincing because offollowing reasons.

First of all, in 1882 when the editionpublished, Jane Austen had dead for 70 years, so the members of Austen's familyclearly have never seen her before. That is they can't be sure this girl in theportrait is Jane Austen.

Secondly, the passage says that the face inthe portrait resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch, thus the teenage girl inthe portrait is Austen. However, the professor refutes it by evidences thatthere are many members in Austen's family who are teenager and also resemblethe sketch made by Cassandra. In other words, the girl may be another member ofAusten's family. Furthermore, the professor points out there is a girl- Marianwho is a niece of Jane Austen, and it is likely that she is actually the girlin the painting.

Thirdly, although the passage asserts thatthe painting is unsigned and undated, the professor cites the evidence that itis later dated than the passage assume, and the stamp on the painting showedthat it is sold by a man named William. Moreover, he started selling paintingafter Jane Austen was 27 years old. That is, the girl won't be the teen JaneAusten.

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作者: lv1015    时间: 2011-3-27 11:23:43

19# qianhuang
TPO 12 综合
The lecture contradicts the statement presented in the passage that the subject of the portrait of a teenage girl is Jane Austen. The professor claims that the passage is not convincing because of (the) following reasons.

First of all, in 1882 when the edition published, Jane Austen had (been)dead for 70 years, so the members of Austen's family clearly have never seen her before. That is they can't be sure this girl in the portrait is Jane Austen.# O! R/ l/ `$ a& Y% l

Secondly, the passage says that the face in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch, thus the teenage girl in the portrait is (Jane)Austen. However, the professor refutes it by evidences that there are many members in Austen's family who are teenager(s) and also resemble the sketch made by Cassandra. In other words, the girl may be another member ofAusten's family. Furthermore, the professor points out there is a girl- Marian who is a niece of Jane Austen, and it is likely that she is actually the girl in the painting.! c: h" f4


Thirdly, although the passage asserts that the painting is unsigned and undated, the professor cites the evidence that itis later dated than the passage assume, and the stamp (on the back of) the painting showed that it is sold by a man named William. Moreover, he started selling painting (卖的不是painting应该canvas or blank cloth哈)after Jane Austen was 27 years old. That is, the girl won't be the teen Jane Austen.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-27 16:58:26

综合似乎差不多了，20分钟的时间很充足，通过练习听力再加强综合吧，下周开始重点写独立~~

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作者: ferrywinGTI    时间: 2011-3-27 17:20:00

写得很不错，学习了。
传授下听力经验，谢谢了！

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-28 11:15:45

3月28日 TPO13 综合

The lecture contradicts the statement presented in the reading passage that commercial fossil market is an unfortunate development for scientists and public. The professor claims that the benefit of commercial fossil collection is more than disadvantage.

First of all, the reading passage says that private trade made it harder to the public to see fossil. However, the professor refutes this idea by evidence that because anyone can buy fossil from commercial fossil market, those low-level organizations like schools can display more fossil to public.

Secondly, the reading passage is afraid that since fossil buyers own some rarest fossils, scientists may even miss out on potentially crucial discoveries. Nonetheless, the professor points out the fact that before private collectors buy these fossils, they need turn to scientists or experts to identify their value. In other words, more valuable fossils may be discovered thanks to commercial fossil market.

Thirdly, albeit the professor acknowledges that some valuable evidence is damaged by private collectors in some cases, the professor also indicates that if weren't them, many rare fossils may be undiscovered depending on only scientists. Thus, fossil trade brings more advantage than disadvantage. At least, more fossils would be found.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-28 15:41:57

3月28日 独立刚开始写独立，思路还放不开，字数不太够。。

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作者: aurora0624    时间: 2011-3-29 15:00:53

23# qianhuang

MM，我忽然发现我28号写得是TPO14.。。。狂汗~我今天写TPO13然后帮你改哈。。。= =

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作者: zhennupt    时间: 2011-3-29 19:30:04

24# qianhuang

328 独立.

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作者: aurora0624    时间: 2011-3-29 19:49:26

这位同学，我TPO13综合的听力短文打开没声音。。。【默】不好意思，改不了了。。。= =

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作者: sun3may    时间: 2011-3-29 22:06:33

3.28独立改好了
抱歉，白天学校有课，改晚了。

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-31 18:59:44



3月28日 修改作文

虽然是修改过的作文，但是每次一修改，总觉得原来文章的逻辑就被破坏了。。毕竟是后面加上的东西。。

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-31 22:44:27

3月31日 TPO15 综合

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-3-31 22:57:12

29# qianhuang

To benefit a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education of very young children (I understand you're probably trying to rephrase, but please still watch your grammar.) rather than on universities? In my point of view, both of them are fundamental for a country's development (so? I can draw a myriad of conclusions from this sentence, for example, 'so all people should be required to attend school from very young all the way up to university'. Your topic, I assume, is about government budget. Therefore you need to make a point that is directly relevant with that topic - e.g. '...both of them are fundamental...so a government should focus its budget equally on both'. I know Chinese people tend to be masters at reading between the lines, and many times things just seem too obvious to mention, but remember you are writing an essay to express, explain and defend your view. Be clear about what exactly your point is and leave as little room for ambiguity as possible. In Chinese this is called 立论.).


Without doubt, the development of young children who are the masters of the coming? (What exactly is the difference between the 'coming' society and the 'future' of society? I highly suspect you're using this word to avoid repeating 'future', but here is a hint: if you can't rephrase 'future', why not try to rephrase 'society'?) society affects the future of society. Education is a very important part in children's lives and plays a chief role in the formation of their characters. When a person is young, he/she is just like a piece of white paper, and education teaches him/her to be creative, brave and optimistic (This, actually, depends very much on the quality of education he gets. I don't really mind such idealistic statements but more often than not they tend to hint at a rather shallow understanding of matters.). And once these characters form, it is hard to change them when he/she is an adult. Moreover, if they (Who, or what? The nearest plural noun in the previous sentence is 'characters', whereas you obviously meant something like 'people'. You need to be very clear about where exactly your pronouns are pointing at. I understand the proper noun - 'children' - for this 'they' appears later in this sentence, but you used 'moreover', which hints that this sentence continues from the previous one. That's why I thought you were still talking about 'characters', only to find out later that you are talking about something else. This is NOT wrong, but it is difficult to read. A less confusing one would be 'Moreover, if not taught...well, children...', where the lack of subject in the 'if' part signals very clearly that the proper subject of this sentence is to come later, so your reader will know in advance to look out for a change in context.) are not taught what is right well, children may quickly learn or imitate some bad behavior from TV shows and the Internet (So you seem to think 1. proper education will prevent children from learning bad behavior from TV shows and the Internet 2. only TV shows and the Internet will introduce children to bad behavior..This goes back to my previous point on the effect of education depending very much on the quality of that education itself. You seem to have an unconcious assumption here when you say 'education' - that 'education' equals 'quality, effective, good education'.) which not only harm themselves but also the society. Thus, a government should focus on cultivating children healthily and normally (Well, 'healthily' is just awkward, but 'normally' is down right not equal to the meaning of 'normal'...rather, I think you'd meant to say 'cultivating children in a healthy and normal manner'. Although I still hold my personal reservations about the use of a so-called 'normal' manner of cultivation..) to be able to contribute to a country's prosperity. Since most young children would attend to school to accept the elemental education, the government needs to spend a lot funds to improve the conditions of school and provide various stages (I think you mean 'platforms'.) for them to develop their interests.


On the other hand, university education is also crucial for a country's thrive (This is a verb, not a noun.). A University gives opportunity for students to learn professional skills and develop their special talents. If a country wants to be prosperous, it must focus on both economics and technology, which are in need of professional experts. And these people are usually cultivated in universities. In other words, universities' improvement helps a country to train more various? (You mean..'varied'?)
talents. For instance, many universities are devoted in researching and on the forefront of academic innovation. In addition, most universities cooperate with countries on different subjects and projects to achieve more progress and discoveries. All these projects cost greatly money which can only rely on the government's funds. Without the government's support, universities themselves can hardly find so much funds to propel the projects. (Seems like you don't quite know how the private universities - the very best, elite universities like Harvard - in the United States operate. They are not called 'private' for no reason.) Although the government may have its own department to research on some advanced projects, it still often gets help from professors and experts in universities. So, the government should focus its budget on universities to impel advancement of technology.


To sum up, children's education and university's development are both essential for a country's future. A government should not focus only either aspect and ignore the other. (If you compare this with your opening sentence, you should be able to see that you're off:


'should a government focus its budget MORE on ... rather THAN on ...'


It's not


'should a government focus its budget ONLY on ... and ignore ...'.


Again, there goes my point of staying directly relevant with your topic. You have written well about both aspects being both essential, but you've not written enough on which should or should not receive MORE funding.)
总结：


词汇神马的问题不大，语法请注意单复数和冠词（基本上是个中国学生就有的问题。。）。论述方面关于大学的部分写得不错，关于儿童教育的论述有一点想当然，在文中的评语指出了。


基本上说最主要的问题是漂题 - 不算完全跑题，但如果你的题目是should a government focus more...，你就是离题目旁边了那么一点点。。为什么呢，因为题目问的是more。。这不等于就要focus only one and ignore the other。。more的意思是我可以两个都不ignore，都给钱，但我优先其中一个或者多给其中一个钱。。这中间微妙的地方就是more是比较级。。要有一定程度的比较。。然后得出结论说不需要/不必要/不应该出现哪一个比另外一个more。。

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-3-31 22:57:57

3月31日 独立Some people thinkuniversity professors should spend more time doing research while others thinkthey should spend more time educating students. What is your view?


限时写的，字数和思路都挺欠缺。麻烦修改的同学了。

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作者: jacksonboy424    时间: 2011-4-1 18:48:07

In my opinion, I would like to agreewith the point that university professors should spend more time educatingstudents than doing research.

First of all, university is the placewhere students accept good education and professors have the responsibility toteach them well. As teachers, professors earn their wage by teaching, so theyshould regard teaching as a serious job which they need spend much time on. Andonce a professor becomes the teacher of a subject, he/she would have to notonly teaching (teach) but also prepare lessonsand help students to learn this subject well after class. In universities, themost important item about the criteria of a good teacher is always education(换成the capacity of the teacherto give lessons感觉意思更加好些，如果说的不对请指教).

What's more, students are the master ofcoming society, and they are talents who contribute to the development ofsociety. Assuming professors can't(couldn’t是不是更好些) do their best to teach students,students are not（will not be） able to obtain enough knowledge, which may affect the advance ofscience and technology. For example, I have even(ever估计是笔误吧，考试的时候要注意了) met a professor who did research wellbut was not willing to teach students. He didn't prepare lessons well and as aresult most students got low grade on the subject.这之后最好在总结一下原因，来一个closing sentence,逻辑上会比较严谨，比如说一下学成成绩普遍比较差最后带来的实际影响之类的

Secondly, perhaps some people have asense of uncertainty that if professors focus on education, how the research goes.（这里的标点符号是不是应该用问号，或者把句子改成how goes the research.） I acknowledge that research isalso an important part of professor's job, but professors should not focus(give more energy)
on research than education, because it is hardto obtain success on research by professor(professor’s)own ability. Take an example(example又出现了，换成instance会比较好)
in thelab where I am doing research, my advisor has never only focused on research byhimself, but （感觉这里不是转折的关系，用and比较好）instructed and cooperate with hisstudents to finish the research. There are many similar cases that professorwork together with his/her students.（这里再说一下和教授一起工作，最后取得得实际成果，这样例子就比较丰满了）In other words, professor can cultivate many students as his assistants andmake work much easier. So the professor can spend less time on research butalso get process.

To sum up, university professor shouldspend more time education to cultivate students well.

我的水平很一般，以下建议只供参考，如果有不同意见，请直接跟我说，多谢您对我的帮助~~
首先这篇文章是限时写的，有些论证不全面，例子不丰满的地方，很正常，整体感觉挺流畅的，就是有一点，结尾段写的过于少了，没有更好的总结。提个小建议，您如果限时写作的话，可以先写首段和尾段，尾段就是你提出各个论点依据的同义改写，这样，不会跑题，如果时间不够的话，适当的缩短中间段，也不会影响整体的完整。
如果有什么不对的地方，请及时告诉我，请多多指教

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-2 14:51:01



4月1日 独立

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作者: sEven_zh    时间: 2011-4-5 15:52:48

4.1独立修改，不好意思这几天有点事所以改晚了

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-7 16:50:24



4月7日 独立Is it easier to be success in the past than it is today?

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作者: zhaopan0558    时间: 2011-4-7 23:21:34

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-8 09:48:57

37# zhaopan0558
你刚开始发帖权限不够。等发够帖了，以后自然就可以添加了。

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作者: zhaopan0558    时间: 2011-4-8 21:58:00

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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作者: Yvaine198831    时间: 2011-4-8 21:59:43

改好 4.7独立

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-9 21:50:56

4月9日 独立is it more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

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作者: 凉言    时间: 2011-4-10 09:52:13

改好了~

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作者: christina1949    时间: 2011-4-10 15:05:31     标题: RE: 改好了 不会上传WORD所以直接贴了

Government is an organization which supports city's construction and tries to improve citizens' living condition. Comparing to spend money on recreational facilities, I think it is more important for government to focus its funds on art museums and concert halls. There are a couple of reasons to name.

Firstly and foremost, art museums and concert halls are places where people can enjoy their lives and learn much knowledge from music or other forms of art. Since art is a form which can express a country's culture, custom and the values and tastes of its society, it is good for citizens to learn much about various cultures and so on while enjoying the beauty of it. For example, I like going to art museums to see those amazing and creative paintings, which are so creative that I can learn the method to broaden my mind and even get some inspiration. In addition, art museums and concert halls are quiet and suitable for people to relax themselves. Many researches indicate that when we are exhausted by job, listening to a piece of smooth music is really helpful for us to relieve from depression. Thus, the（ construction of） art museums and concert halls are worthy to （be） supported in order to serve citizens' needs.

Secondly, although I acknowledge that recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds are also fundamental in residents' lives, I need to（it should be） point out it is not so necessary(unnecessary) for government to support these facilities by spending much money(financial support). Because it is common to charge for admission in these places, many businessmen would like to invest in them to get profit. Even if without government's support, these places can also be funded by some profit-driven organizations. On the contrary, art museums and concert halls usually need a great amount of money to build (be built) and maintain which (most businessmen) can't be afforded by most businessmen. Furthermore, these museums and halls can't admit so many people like those recreational facilities, so it is hard to get profit. For instance, there are a great number of museums which are open free to all citizens. In this case, only government can support their cost.

To sum up, both art museums, concert and recreational facilities are meaningful for citizens' live. But since there are other financial sources for recreational facilities, I think it is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert.

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-4-12 18:50:35

36# qianhuang

It is easier to be successful in the past than it is today?

Nowadays, the increasing number of people who are well educated (Very redundant. Move 'well-educated' in front of 'people'.) leads to more fiercer competition for better job opportunities. Many people may think it is easier to be successful in the past than it is today. However, in my opinion, if we define success as making great money or becoming famous in some fields, it is harder to be successful in the past than it is today. The Following are my reasons.

Firstly and foremost, in the past, science, technology and economy are at a low level compared to those of today. Thus, most jobs in the past were related to agriculture and handcrafts in which fields it is? ('Fields' is a plural noun, so what is this 'it' referring to? You probably meant '..in fields where it is difficult..' rather than 'in which fields it is difficult..'. It's not unusual for Chinese students to favor the 'wh-' clause as an evidence of 'complex sentence structure', but please make sure you do it correctly..or else these clauses can become utterly confusing.) difficult for people to earn money (Ah, but master craftsmen were highly respected and well paid in the past. Think of LV, and all brands that claim to sell high-end 'hand-made' bags. As usual, I need to stress: this is not saying your point is wrong. This is for you to think about your perspectives.). For example, currently the IT industries need so many people who master computer skills, while in the past technology was not advanced enough to bring such job opportunities. However, as time goes by, more job positions are brought bring up with the generation of new technology. Thus, people could have more choices of diverse jobs in comparison with rare job opportunities in past (Again, I need to remind you that a lot jobs flourished in the past but eventually vanished - the 'switchboard operators', for example - yes, the working population has boomed, and technology has made jobs very different, but the diversity of job opportunities in the past isn't necessarily much worse than that of today.). Contrary to people competing for better jobs today, in the past most people need to compete for jobs which can maintain their lives. So a well-paying job will be competed for more fiercely in the past than it is today (I don't get you. If in the past most people only contend for jobs that are just enough to maintain their lives, that means fewer people competing for the top-paying jobs, yes?). In other words, with more competition and low economic level, it is harder for people in the past to earn money and achieve success.

Secondly, people's living conditions in the past was worse greatly worse than they are today. On the one hand, most people were still worried about basic living needs, so they had no spare money to buy goods. That is, merchants had to suppress others? to attract customers which obstruct? merchants to get profit (Do you mean the merchants had to lower their prices because people had less purchasing power in the past? When you talk about 'purchasing power', have you considered inflation? One example - 'Cleopatra', a movie made in 1963, is still one of the most expensive movies ever made, because when you factor in inflation, $1000 in 1963 is worth a lot more than $1000 today.). But at present, the economy has developed considerably, which helps customers to have more purchasing power, so it is much easier for companies today to get profit and obtain success, even though companies are still competing fiercely. On the other hand, in the past people can't receive education as well as people today (True, but when they did get it they got it so much better than what we got today..but that's another story. I need to digress less.), so it is much harder for them to create new ideas or improve technology. For instance, there are fewer scientists in the past than today, and scientists and artists in the past may even suffer from severe oppression and persecution due to their unusual ideas, such as Copernicus and Van Gogh (Copernicus was persecuted for sure, but Van Gogh? He was depressed, of course, but that was not the same as 'opporession'..). As scientists and artists, it is very difficult to obtain achievement (You can just say 'achieve'. Such obfuscation are obvious traces of your native language. Think about the words you use. Use them in the simplest forms you know.) in the past, while nowadays people have open minds to accept various ideas.

To sum up, if success is defined as being rich or famous, I think it is appropriate to get the conclusion ('conclude') that it is much harder to be successful in the past than today.


总结：


请注意你的从句语法和介词的用法。


> 问题1：我在论述过去的情况时，应该用过去式吗？



过去式或者带过去的一般现在式（people used to do this and that, they are then this and that, blah）都可以，重要的是注意一致，不要乱混用。


> 问题2：结尾应该怎么写合适呢？我一般为了不显得冗余，想写个简单的结尾，结果就是重复了一下观点，显得很无力。


The magic is to 'rephase'. 就像你现在写的这样重复观点，我个人不认为有任何问题，但如果要出彩，你可以换个说法来表达同样的意思 - 如果你能用不同的说法表达相同或者类似的意思，对词汇语法的掌握就都体现出来了。比如你可以至少把harder换成more difficult。。~

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-22 20:37:42



4月22日 综合

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-23 10:19:51

4月22日 独立Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement:
Allhigh-school students should take basic economic courses.

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作者: rain_deer    时间: 2011-4-23 22:49:59

4.22 综合修改在下面了。
可能改的不太对哦~


The reading passage talks about three [url=]phenomenons in archaeology areas[/url][l1] . However, the professor says that the situation has been improved greatly since 1990. And she describes the new situation in the three areas discussed in the passage.

Firstly, the passage indicates that valuable artifacts were lost [url=]to[/url][l2] construction projects. Nonetheless, the professor cites the recent fact that before construction, the sites will be examined by archaeologists. Once there are some valuable things, the government and scientists will make a plan to preserve them. So no precious artifacts will be lost due to the construction project.

Secondly, [url=]although[/url][l3] in the past there [url=]is[/url][l4] little financial support for archaeological research, now [url=]these researches[/url][l5] will be paid by construction companies not by government. Since these companies need to employ archaeologists to examine the sites where they want to build on, it is appropriate for them to pay for the archaeological research. Thus, it is not necessary to worry about the funding problem.

Thirdly, because of the [url=]development of construction industry[/url][l6] , [url=]the condition of archaeology has been changed a lot[/url][l7] . Construction companies are needed of massive professional archaeologists, which creates a great number of job opportunities[url=]. And not only examining sites, archaeologists also help the preserve plan.[/url][l8] As a result, increasing job opportunities are offered to professional archaeologists.

To sum up, the situation of archaeology has been [url=]changed dramatically[/url][l9] , and the problems in the reading passage no longer exist.


总结：可数名词单数前面要加冠词，你好像有好多没加。剩下是一些对听力的理解问题(照着script看的)，我也不太拿得准，但是擅自改了，希望对你有参考价值啦。

[l1]problems facing archaeology
(problem 和improve比较才有However)



[l2]in



[l3]while



[l4]was



[l5]the archaeological work done on the construction site



[l6]new guidelines concerning the construction process(这个情况的改变不是由于建筑业的发展，而是新规定使然)



[l7]new paid work are provided for archaeologists.
感觉中心句这样更明确一些  



[l8]，including examining the site, and helping with the preservation plan.
这句读着别扭就改了。



[l9]improved
(原文好像没有说dramatically, 个人觉得这么说不稳)

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-25 10:43:09

4月25日 独立

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-25 10:43:43

4月25日 综合

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作者: 郝郝同学    时间: 2011-4-26 01:08:21

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being published.

It is common view in the movies and televisions that good will inevitably prevail over evil.（这貌似不是一个common view） And we can often see that at the end of movies and TV programs good people usually gain rewards like treasure and adoration of lover and bad people must be published and will be no longer able to harm others. This scenario is frequently seen in some old movies like 007. （007的英文名貌似也不叫007）In actually（in 去掉）, this is an artistic method to express people's good wishes.

I acknowledge that showing audience good people being rewarded and bad people being published is a significant way to educate children and even adults. People can learn from their programs that bad people will come to no good end ultimately, and intimate the good idol in the programs to behave rightly. Furthermore, it also represents the society's （公众的价值观？public是不是好点）sense of value. However, I don't agree with the point to always show audience these scenes.

In fact, humanity is so complicated that we should not classify all people into two kinds -- good and bad. Many people are kind-hearted, but they perhaps make some mistakes in their lives,（断句） how we define them? Should we define them as bad people since they have done something wrong? I think it is inaccurate and unfair to regard a person depending on their one-side behavior. So movies and televisions should sometimes show audience the reality of the world, since it usually plays the role to teach people and express the world's wishes. If people always see absolutely good and bad, they may be less cautious and unable to identify the whole aspects of a person which is likely to harm themselves. For example, I have a friend named Kate who is simple and believe（形式不对） the fairy story showed in the movies and televisions. Several months ago, she met a woman who talked with her on the Internet, and they chatted well. When the woman wanted to borrow some money from her, Kate agreed. But finally, it turned out that the woman cheated her, and Kate can't （过去式） get contact with her anymore. From the example, we can know what influence movies and televisions. To guide people to the real world, I suggest these programs should show audience the danger of the real world to a certain degree.

In addition, because movies and televisions are forms of art, they should have diverse themes to create various styles of art. If they always focus on only one theme like good must prevail over evil, people will feel boring and it is also bad for these forms of art to develop. So movies and televisions should try different kinds of thought.

To sum up, I relatively disagree with the point in the text, and I suggest movies and televisions to try other theme to show colorful world to audience.

1 作者写了两段才提出自己的观点 提出的有点迂回 再直接点
2 作者的词汇用的比较多样 但个别词 good  bad 这样的词汇使用频率过高
3 作者的句型需要多加变换
4 我个人认为 作者所给观点不够明确 第一个说的是 不能把人简单得分为好或者不好 这貌似是一个中立观点 但是你明确提出的又是你不同意，有点纠结啊 第二个观点是不是有点太略了 总共就2个 后面那个还就那点 说服力不够啊！

个人水平有限 不妥之处 望见谅！！

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作者: zhaopan0558    时间: 2011-4-26 10:19:07

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-26 19:01:30

4月26日 独立Agree or disagree? if children want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies.
Should school child be limited on the hours of watching TV programs and movies.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-4-26 19:02:46

4月26日 综合

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作者: zhaopan0558    时间: 2011-4-26 23:10:49

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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作者: kusehexing    时间: 2011-4-26 23:29:10

4.26 独立修改-kusehexing

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作者: rain_deer    时间: 2011-4-27 19:35:13


4.26 综合修改


The lecture contracts contradicts (contract: v 签合同；收缩（使…尺寸缩小）＝shrink＝condense＝compress＝deflate＝wrinkle；n 合同（具有法律效力的书面协议，比如：婚约）)the theory stated in the passage that buzzing has generated some critics criticizes buzzing. (反对的不是buzzing 引起批评这一事实，反对的是针对buzzing的批评). The student named Bill talks about his experience being a buzzer to refute what is said in the passage.

Firstly, the passage claims that buzzers may give consumers some incorrect information about the buzzed product. But Bill says that before a buzzer praises the product, s/he have has to use it first. Only when the buzzer thinks the product is good, s/he will praise it. And buzzers are paid for selling products, not telling lies to attract consumers. So it is a prejudice for people to think that buzzers don't say truth do not tell the truth.

Secondly, although some critics are of the view hold the view that many consumers may believe buzzers too easily and may be harmed by them, Bill says the fact is that when buzzers talk about a product, consumers will ask a lot of questions, if buzzers can't answer these questions, consumers won't buy the product. Because buzzers can contact interact with consumers face to face, it is easier for consumers to get more (前面已经有一个easier，后面就不用再来比较级了) familiar with the product. If buzzers tell some contrary false information, consumers are able to find it out quickly.

Thirdly, the passage believes people will become less trustful of people in general when becoming aware that some people are buzzers. However, in Bill's point, it is totally a stupid idea. He says if the product is bad, companies won't allow buzzers to try. Buzzers only praise product which they think is are good, so consumers will like it them and be more trustful of people.

To sum up, the passage's criticism is unreasonable and premature when compared to the fact.


s/he没有见过这么写的...只见过he/she, 但是也不排除我少见多怪。。。

总结：这篇我没有听力文本，凭印象的，感觉大点上都没有错。都是一些小细节，还有一些我认为别扭的地方。一切意见仅供参考~

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-4-28 22:43:03

48# qianhuang

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

It is common view in the movies and televisions that good will inevitably prevail over evil. And we can often see that at the end of movies and TV programs good people usually gain rewards like treasure and adoration of lovers and bad people must be punished and will be no longer able to harm others. This scenario is frequently seen in some old movies like 007. (007 is the main character of the series. It is not the name of any particular movie. And the series is not old. It has a long history but that doesn't mean 'old'. The most recent 007 movie, Quantum of Solace, was released in 2008, and I think the next is due in 2012.) In actually, this is an artistic method to express people's good wishes.

I acknowledge that showing audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished (At least, please do not copy from the question blindly..) is a significant way to educate children and even adults. People can learn from their (Whose?) programs that bad people will come to no good end ultimately, and intimate? (You mean..'imitate'?)
the good idols in the programs to behave rightly. Furthermore, it also represents the society's sense of value. However, I don't agree with the point to always show audience these scenes.

In fact, humanity is so complicated that we should not classify all people into two kinds -- good and bad. Many people are kind-hearted, but they perhaps make some mistakes in their lives. How we define them? Should we define them as bad people since they have done something wrong? I think it is inaccurate and unfair to regard a person depending on their one-side behavior?. So movies and televisions should sometimes show audience the reality of the world, since it usually plays the role to teach people and express the world's wishes?. If people always see absolutely good and bad, they may be less cautious and unable to identify the whole aspects of a person which is likely to harm themselves. For example, I have a friend named Kate who is simple and believes in the fairy tales showed in the movies and televisions. Several months ago, she met a woman who talked with her on the Internet, and they chatted well. When the woman wanted to borrow some money from her, Kate agreed. But finally, it turned out that the woman cheated her, and Kate can't get contact with her anymore. (So.. did Kate make this mistake because she is simple and naive, or because she believed in movies and television programs? Perhaps. We don't know, because you didn't specify that her reason for believing in the woman was from movies/TV.) From the example, we can know what influences movies and televisions (I thought you were discussing how movies and television influence people, not the other way round..). To guide people to the real world, I suggest these programs should show audience the danger of the real world to a certain degree.

In addition, because movies and televisions are forms of art, they should have diverse themes to create various styles of art. If they always focus on only one theme like good must prevail over evil, people will feel bored (Things are 'boring'. People are 'bored'.) and it is also bad for these forms of art to develop. So movies and televisions should try different kinds of thought.

To sum up, I relatively disagree with the point in the text? (There is a 'text'? Where?), and I suggest movies and televisions to try other theme to show a colorful world to audience.

总结：

首先你至少要知道题目里也会有语法错误的（因为大家互相传来抄去。。）所以你就尽量要避免再跟着全篇抄错了。。

然后就是要尽量减少意思莫名其妙的遣词。。不会用的词请不要勉强用，换个会用的。

论述方面就是说你没有证明是电影电视造成你朋友上别人当的。。因为你说她本来就很单纯。。所以她上别人当可以是因为她本来就很单纯。。和她相信电影电视不一定有关系。。除非你特别指明她上别人当是因为相信电影情节而不是完全因为本人单纯。。你要知道自己需要说明的因果关系到底是什么。逻辑不是说你把材料按照要点罗列一下就有的。。

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-1 15:15:55

4月30日 独立

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作者: hyliu1-08    时间: 2011-5-2 00:09:50     标题: hyliu1-08 作文

4月30日 独立  qianhuang(valarie)  改
怎么往上放ｗｏｒｄ呢我帮你改好了

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-2 09:51:38

5月1日 独立

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-2 16:20:49

5月2日 独立
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-3 17:39:15

5月3日 独立

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作者: yecochi    时间: 2011-5-3 21:53:36

qianhuang0502獨立

The best way to improve the quality ofeducation is to increase teachers' salaries.



Education is an important part of childrenand teenagers' lives. Young people spend the major time of a day in school, soteachers play an essential role in their lives. In order to teach studentswell, teachers are trained carefully and government have given some welfare toattract more elites to contribute to education. Now, there is saying that thebest way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.In my point, I would like to agree with this saying.
Good introduction!
Firstly, once teachers' salaries areincreased, teachers won't need to worry about their lives such as housing. Withthe improvement of their live condition, teacher can spend more energy oneducation career. They can focus on how to teach students well. We all know itis hard to be a good teacher because there are a great number of students in aclass. A teacher needs to devotemuch energy to take care of all students well. For example, when I was in myprimary school, my teacher got low salary. To earn more money, she often heldsome continuation classes which distracted her focus on students. And although shetried to educated students properly, my teacher had no enough time and energyto pay attention to all things at the same time. In recent day, Chinesegovernment has invest massive funds to improve teachers' condition, likeassigning houses for them free and giving considerable money to them after theyretire. All these measures are taken improve the quality of education. (論述舉例的很好，最後一句舉例後的主題回扣若能更精準的扣本段觀點會更好)


Topic sentence: higher payment could stimulate more beneficial competitionamong education career. (主題句放段落第一句較符合托福要求)
Secondly, teacher is a respectableoccupation, which also obtains lots of welfare. Ifthe salaries increase, this occupation will attract more people. More people are interested meansmore competition. And competition indicates only those who have betterquality and ability will gain the job, which directly improve the qualityof teachers and help education's development. Furthermore, fierce competition also urges teachers to work harderto prevent being replaced by others. For instance, every year, my high schoolemploys new teachers via evaluating their quality in all aspects. Plenty ofpeople attempt to access/enter the school due to the high salaries. This measurebenefitS the school to keep advanced on education,since these new but excellent teachers bring creative educational methodS.


In addition, unlike organizing some classesfor teacher to improve their skill or other methods, increasing their salarieswill urge teacher to work harder objectively because of fierce competition. And perhaps somepeople may say education is not event only related with teachers, the effect of parents and students themselves is also essential./ Somepeople may say that education
is not onlyrelated with teachers, but also relevant to the efforts of parents andstudents. I acknowledge education is a complex problem.
But since the teacher is the most skillful person in education, it is easiest tomeliorate faculty to improve the quality of education.


To sum up, teachers are the most significant part of education, and increasing theirsalaries will sufficiently improve the quality of education.

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作者: hyliu1-08    时间: 2011-5-4 07:48:50

发到邮箱了

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-4 09:35:27

5月4日 独立Which is better? Challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

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作者: EMP_CHENG    时间: 2011-5-4 11:11:00

5月3日 独立

不好意思，批晚了，久等了

http://u.115.com/file/t756d0500e

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-5-5 11:16:14

61# qianhuang

The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

Education is an important part of children and teenagers' lives. Young people spend the majority time of a day in school, so teachers play an essential role in their lives. In order to teach students well, teachers are trained carefully and the government have given some welfare to attract more elites to contribute to education. Now, there is saying that the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries. In my point, I would like to agree with this saying.

Firstly, once teachers' salaries are increased, teachers won't need to worry about their lives such as housing. (That actually depends on whether the increase in salaries is able to catch up with the increase in house prices..oh but there’s nothing wrong with what you wrote. I was just blabbering away.) With the improvement of their living conditions, teacher can spend more energy on education career. They can focus on how to teach students well. We all know it is hard to be a good teacher because there are a great number of students in a class. A teacher needs to devote much energy to take care of all students well. For example, when I was in my primary school, my teacher got a low salary. To earn more money, she often held some continuation (I’m not sure what you’re trying to express here. Do you mean she was doing ‘remedial’ classes? Or ‘tuition’ classes for other external parties? The point here is that if she held these classes for her students, then you can’t say they ‘distracted’ her. So, what you need to stress is that she was not holding this classes for her students but for some other people instead. What exactly these classes were called is not important.) classes which distracted her focus on students. And although she tried to educated students properly, my teacher had not enough time nor/or energy to pay attention to all things at the same time. In recent days, the Chinese government has invested massive funds to improve teachers' conditions, like assigning free houses for them free and giving considerable money (Do you mean ‘pension’?) to them after they retire. All these measures are taken to improve the quality of education.

Secondly, the teacher is a respectable occupation, which also receives much welfare. If the salaries increase, this occupation will attract more people. More people being interested means more competition. And competition indicates only those who have better qualities and abilities will get the jobs, which directly improves the standard of teachers and helps education's development. Furthermore, a fierce competition also urges teachers to work harder to avoid being replaced by others. For instance, every year, my high school employs new teachers via evaluating their quality in all aspects. Plenty of people attempt to enter the school due to the high salaries. This measure benefits the school in keeping it advanced on education, since these new but excellent teachers bring creative educational methods.

In addition, unlike organizing some classes for teachers to improve their skills or other methods, increasing their salaries will urge teacher to work harder objectively because of fierce competition. (This is a good effort to address the question, but it is rather weak, because you seem to assume that competition is only fierce when the salary is good. Is this assumption always valid? Do you think that’s the only reason people are attracted to teaching? Why can you assume that people will not attracted to teaching even if some other aspects are good – e.g. good chances for promotion, travel, conferences, on-job training, etc.?) And perhaps some people may say education is not event only related? with teacher, the effect of parents and students themselves is also essential. I acknowledge education is a complex problem, but since the teacher is the most skillful person in education, it is easiest to meliorate faculty (Usually, only teachers at tertiary level are called ‘faculties’. Teachers in primary and secondary education are not normally called ‘faculties’.) to improve the quality of education.

To sum up, teacher is the most significant part of education, and increasing their salaries will sufficiently improve the quality of education. (This conclusion is entirely different from your question.)

总结：

总体很不错，只是最后让步的部分比较弱..另外结论段完全不扣题请注意一下。

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作者: rain_deer    时间: 2011-5-5 21:29:55

5.4独立修改
[attach]164839[/attach]

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-7 09:07:31

5月6日 综合

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-7 14:32:14



5月6日 独立Do you agree or disagree that the governments should focus more on the preserving the natural environments, less on the economic developments

问题：我在写作文的时候，持续纠结着government用什么冠词，要不要冠词

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作者: hyliu1-08    时间: 2011-5-7 14:59:04

5月6日 综合改

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作者: 892524570    时间: 2011-5-7 15:46:15

5月6日作文批改

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作者: qfaith    时间: 2011-5-7 20:55:01

5.6 综合

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-8 09:50:34

5月7日 独立 Should children spend most time playing andstudying or required to help the family with household chores like cooking andcleaning?

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-8 14:19:34

5月7日 综合

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作者: zjxdxokzzy    时间: 2011-5-8 14:53:16

Nowadays, many families have only one child. The parents try to give the children the best education and(and不是应该连接两个同等的概念么，and前是education，那后面应该也是一个名词吧， 对于and连接这个我也不是很确定，你可以问一下别人) take care of the children well. So, plenty（不是plenty of么，plenty能单用？） families won't let their kids do any housework. This phenomenon raises a hot discussion that whether children should spend most of their time playing and studying, and（我觉得用but吧） don't help family with household chores. In my opinion, I would disagree with the point. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, doing some housework helps children to adapt to the future alone lives. If children don't do much housework at home, they will have a hard time to learn( learning 吧？)how to deal with these household chores when they begin to live alone. For example, before my elder brother went abroad, he paid all his attention on study and didn't do any housework. My mom cooked for him, washed clothes and bought life's necessities for him. So, when he had to live alone abroad, he took more than 1 month to learn how to do these things. In that month, he often called my parents for some household chores（这样表示的话不就变成打电话让家人去给他做家务了么）, such as how much salt to add in the dishes. This case indicates that in order to adapt future lives better, children should learn doing some housework intentionally. Furthermore, if children have learned to do these things, when their parents are not at home, they can take care of themselves easily, which decrease parents' worry.

Secondly（开头最好保持一致性，比如你这个如果用了secondly,上面那个最好就用firstly. 是新东方老师讲的，你可以考虑一下）
, by doing some household chores, children will understand more about parents' heart. And children will be grateful for it. In recent years, a great number of young people don't care for their old parents well, as if they forget all things parents do（用have done会不会更好呢） for them. To meliorate this situation, children should do some housework as their parents do every day, thus they will know parents' love for them. For instance, when I was a little girl, I tried to cook a meal for my family. Before this, I had thought that cooking was a easy work since my parents always did it well. However, when I attempted to cook some simple dishes like fried vegetables, I recognized that it is not as easy as it seems. Finally, I did a bad job, and I began to understand that cooking is(前面用的过去式，这里应用was) a skillful job which needs(同理needed) a lot of patience. I am more thankful for all things my parents did for me.

To sum up, children should do some house chores besides playing and studying.


第一次改，如果有不对的地方请指出。。 谢啦

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-10 16:47:24

5月10日综合

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-10 20:54:40

5月10日 独立Teacher should or not talking their social or political views to student in the class.

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作者: 郝郝同学    时间: 2011-5-11 14:30:16

2011 5 10

Since there are a lot of courses related to politics and history, the teachers need to introduce plenty of political or historical events inevitably. And this phenomenon raises a hot discussion about whether the teacher should talk their social or political views to students in the class. In my opinion, I would like to agree with the point. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, it will stimulate students' interests in social and political events, and make them pay more attention to current events. For example, at one time, my politics teacher used a whole class to comment a precious leader in China. It raised my curiosity about this person, so I search many his experiences after class. By doing so, students learn more social and political events. Furthermore, students can acquire some experience and lessons which they may apply into practice when they meet similar situation. Take myself as an instance, when I was exhausted about the research and want to give it up, I used the Beethoven's experience to encourage myself. Thus, the teacher talks their views to students not only raises their interests but also help them to learn some valuable experience.
这个观点 有点牵强吧 你说的比较靠近老师举例政治上的大事，这些例子是事实而不是老师自己的观点
Secondly, when it is politics or history class, talking views of some events to students can help students to think about these events, and even promotes discussions about these events. As a result, students will learn various views of the same events, which helps them understand the events all sidedly. For instance, my historical teacher adored a famous politician, and she often cited his example and talked herself views. However, there are a few students who didn't agree with her. So, we often discuss this people in class. What's more, since our teacher knew more than us换成老师 is knowledgeable 是不是好点, we needed to find several materials to support our points. In this way, we learn学到知识用 acquire much knowledge. Thus, the teacher should talk their views in class.
第二段的 开头观点 表述有点长 精炼一点 然后在后面再详细解释

To sum up, when the teacher talk their social or political views to students in class, students not only know more unfamiliar events but also learn different views toward the same events.

蓝色的词汇 我接的用的很好
作者应该在主题的表达上 再简练些
句子语法没有问题 句型变换需要努力哦

水平有限 不妥之处望见谅

感谢你对我的作业的认真批改

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-11 16:55:09



5月11日 综合

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作者: 曾小贤_    时间: 2011-5-11 18:22:38

Since there are a lot of courses related to politics and history, the teachers need to introduce plenty of political or historical events inevitably. And this phenomenon raises a hot discussion about whether the teacher should talk their social or political views to students in the class(你这个whether的意思变成了“老师应该说社会观点还是政治观点？”co: weather the teacher should tell their view of society and polity. ). In my opinion, I would like to agree with the point（哪个point？前面没有清楚表明有过point argued 吧？）. There are a couple of reasons to name.

First and foremost, it will stimulate students' interests in social and political events, and make them pay more attention to current events (the events happening around the world,貌似没有current event这种说法). For example, at one time, my politics teacher used a whole class (使用了整整一节课？ Spent a whole time of class)to comment a precious leader in China. It raised my curiosity about this person, so I search many his experiences after class. By doing so, students learn more social and political events.(没看懂，一个“precious”的领导让你好奇，然后students都会学到更多的社会和政治的事件？) Furthermore, students can acquire some experience and lessons which they may apply into practice（我记得是put into practice，不知道apply是不是可以这样用） when they meet similar situation（situations）. Take myself as an instance, when I was exhausted about the research and want to give it up（这两件事之间不是and吧，因果关系吧）, I used the Beethoven's experience （应该是故事，不是经验吧）to encourage myself. Thus, the teacher talks their views to students not only raises their interests but also help them to learn some valuable experience.（用贝多芬来鼓励自己，然后因此是老师教我们学到了很多珍贵经验？）

Secondly, when it is politics or history class, talking （你省了主语这里就变成政治课来talk，不是老师了）views of some events to students can help students to think about these events（帮助学生思考这些事件？这个是论点？）, and even promotes discussions about these events. As a result, students will learn various views of the same events, which helps them understand the events all sidedly. For instance, my historical teacher adored a famous politician, and she often cited his example and talked herself views (her views). However, there are a few students who didn't agree with her. So, we often discuss this people in class.(太诡异了，到底说了这么多是什么意思？) What's more, since our teacher knew more than us, we needed to find several materials to support our points. In this way, we learn much （much是接不可数）knowledge. Thus, the teacher （teachers）should talk their views in class.

To sum up, when the teacher talk their social or political views to students in class, students not only know more unfamiliar events but also learn different views toward（towards） the same events.

很多词不达意的地方，论述的方式也不清晰。很多中文意思在你的句子里面，比如learn knowledge千万不要这样说啊！还有一个learn你也用了很多次。感觉还需要积累. 谢谢对我作文的批改。

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-5-12 00:00:13

70# qianhuang

Do you agree or disagree that the governments should focus more on the preserving the natural environments, less on the economic developments. (Generally speaking, plural nouns do not need articles. Singular countable nouns should always have an article. 可数名词复数泛指用可以不用冠词。可数名词单数泛指用是需要冠词的。不可数/集合名词如这个题目里的development是泛指所以可以不用冠词。)

(For ‘government’, you can say either ‘a government’ or ‘the government’. With ‘a’, it means a physically existing, but unspecified government; with ‘the’, it means an abstract idea of a 政府 as a definition in politics. In this essay’s context, either is okay. For example, you can say ‘A government must take care of its people.’, or ‘The government’s role in modern economics is rather different.’ Ditto for words like ‘the environment’, ‘the country’ and ‘the society’. 如果实在不确定，题目怎么写你怎么写。)

Many people think the development of economy and the preservation of the environment are contradictory. Nowadays, the development of industries often causes air pollution and water pollution. Furthermore, the increasing need of people costs (Should be ‘consumes’. ‘Costs’ is more based on financial value rather than physical need.) many natural resources such as crude oil and wood. So, it (What? Development of industries? Need of people?) brings a hot discussion on (If you use ‘that’, it needs to be followed by a complete sentence, i.e. without the ‘whether’.) whether government should focus more on the preserving the natural environments, less on the economic development. In my opinion, I suggest government focus on economic development rather than preserving the environment.

First and foremost, the economic development is an essential part of the thriving of the country (Why not just ‘..is essential for the country to thrive’?). With the development of economy, people's living conditions will be improved, and the country will have enough funds to develop science and technologies and even improve the quality of education. So, economic development is the foundation of the whole country construction. In order to build a powerful country, government should focus on the economic development. (Yes, but this doesn’t mean governments should only focus on economic development. The question is asking which aspect needs MORE attention. It is essentially not saying that governments should NOT focus on economic development, but LESS. So your essay needs to do comparisons as the question does.)

Secondly, government should focus on economy which is harmonious?? to environment. Perhaps some people argue that economic development definitely conflicts with preserving the environment. Admittedly, in the past time, many industries made profits without considering the environment problem. Nonetheless, by the help of advanced technologies, now the government can develop the economy while do not harming the environment. For example, in the past, the usage of air conditioners exhausts much harmful gas which destroyed the ozonosphere (Strictly speaking it’s not the exhaust that is harmful..it’s the CFCs in air-con coolants that easily escape into the air because CFCs are volatile..). In recent days, various kinds of air conditioners have come into being which won't pollute air (Move this to after ‘air conditioners’. Keep it close to its owner.). Not only air conditioners, people begin to use electrical energy and solar energy to cook or bathe which decease the coal's usage. So, pollution has also been reduced. These new and advanced equipments are based on new technology which costs much money. Thus, if government develops the environmental economy (What is ‘the environmental economy’?) consciously, the economic development won't harm the environment. (I think this is going into a circular argument. Doesn’t your ‘environmental economy’ depend on the consciousness and government effort to preserve the environment, to start with? So aren’t you actually saying the government should focus on environment protection, since it makes economic development better?)

Furthermore, only by economic development, the government has the powerful ability to make more measures to preserve the environment. For instance, about 40 years ago, China had not been developing as quickly as it is now, so people had to earn money at the cost of pollution. People mine coals without temperance?? to sell, which wasted a great number of resources (I don’t get why ‘without temperance to sell’ coal wasted a great ‘number of resources’..how is coal-mining related to other resources? – by ‘a number of resources’ you are actually saying 各种不同的资源 rather than ‘a huge amount of coal’, which I suspect to be your actual intent.) And without advanced technologies, factories had to exhaust (You can only ‘exhaust’ air or steam. You can’t ‘exhaust’ water.) dirty water into rivers or streams without purification. On the contrary, now with the development of economy, the government has the ability to fund much money to preserve environment preservation. As a result, if the government doesn't focus on economic development, it won't have enough ability to preserve environment, despite the government want to. (You’re basically making this assumption: environment preservation costs a lot of money and needs advanced technology. Is it valid to have such an assumption? What if the government starts with promoting economic activities that are by nature less polluting? Like farming?)

To sum up, in order to develop properly and preserve environment easily, the government should focus on the development of economy.

总结：

这篇的语言比较累赘，而且用词有时不是很恰当。

论述方面第一个点缺乏比较，虽然后面补足了，但是后面的论点又太倾向于‘保护环境必花钱’这种假设，所以整体的比较非常biased。

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作者: aurora0624    时间: 2011-5-12 14:11:17

80# qianhuang

我打不开你的文件。。。。= =

提示需要转换器，难道你的是07？给俺个03吧~

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作者: qfaith    时间: 2011-5-12 14:29:19

80# qianhuang

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-22 10:40:36

5月22日 独立

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-5-22 23:09:59

85# qianhuang

For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?


Education plays an important role in the development of a country. In order to achieve a brighter future, the country is in need of more elites. Thus, the government should focus a great amount of money on education. But, for successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children’s education rather than on universities? In my opinion, I'd like to agree with the point.

First and foremost, since nearly all children receive young children education (I’m not sure if you’re using a truly authentic writing question but ‘very young children education’ is definitely not a proper expression. At least it needs to be ‘young children’s education’ – but even this is quite awkward.) while only a few students enter to universities, the government should put (‘fund’ means to support with money. So ‘fund money’ is repetitive. Do not rely on Chinese meanings when you use words.) more money on young children education to benefit more citizens. To develop a country successfully, the government needs to take various measures to improve citizens' quality (What do you mean by a citizen’s ‘quality’, anyway? Now that’s a direct translation from Chinese that makes little sense in English..this idea of the Chinese is more akin to the idea of ‘upbringing’ in English.). When a person is young, he/she is just like a piece of white paper, and effective and good education will teach him/her to become creative, brave and optimistic. Once these characters forms, it is hard to change them when children grow up. So, very children education is an essential part in the cultivation of elites. On the contrary, education in universities is available only for a portion of the populationpeople. Admittedly, the government should also support the education on universities. However, for a person, the education in universities is not as necessary as young children education. Thus, a government should focus its budget more on children education. (So are you agreeing with the statement because young children’s education covers more people than universities, or because young children’s education has more impact on people, or because young children’s education is more necessary than universities, or everything? Basically I can’t tell what exactly your point is because there are so many different points in this paragraph and they seem rather unrelated.)

Secondly, comparing to children education, universities have more methods to get funding, so children education needs the government's budgets more eagerly. For example, the universities often cooperate with many companies and organizations to research various products, so these companies will offer fund for universities. And even some successful alumni endow the universities with a large fortune. But, elementary schools or high schools have few chances to get support from companies. To maintain themselves (You ‘maintain <something>’ or ‘keep <doing something>’, but not ‘maintain doing <something>’.), the schools for young children have to rely on the government's help. So, a government should focus more of its budgets on children education. (Good argument.)

To sum up, for successful development of a country, the government should focus its budget more on very young children rather than on universities.

总结：

你的语言表达整体上还是偏于生硬和累赘，请多读自己的写作，去掉不必要的重复。。论述上第一段分论比较混乱，看不出这一段的论点到底是什么。。同样，请认真读自己的写作。如果当时读不出什么问题，放几天再回来读，有时候能发现自己当时发现不了的问题

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-23 14:54:51

5月23日 独立

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作者: zjxdxokzzy    时间: 2011-5-24 17:15:48

5.23独立改完

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-5-25 09:04:02

5月25日 独立

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作者: hcp4715    时间: 2011-5-26 09:19:02

89# qianhuang 5.25号独立修改
加油

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-6-1 10:35:35



5月31日 综合

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-6-1 14:44:21



5月31日 独立

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作者: hyliu1-08    时间: 2011-6-2 07:43:02

5月31日 独立修改

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-6-2 10:41:00

6月1日 独立

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作者: zjxdxokzzy    时间: 2011-6-2 21:53:14

6.1独立改完

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作者: karen0809    时间: 2011-6-2 21:54:14

5.31 独立修改

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作者: karen0809    时间: 2011-6-2 22:04:31

5.31 独立修改

Do you agree that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very

different from one's work?

Most
people spend the majority of a day on working. After working, they'd like do various things to relax themselves. Regarding to the issue that whether people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work, I hold a positive view, and I think do something different benefits people a lot.

On one hand, doing some physical activities, such as traveling and climbing, really helps people to improve the physical health condition. Nowadays, a great number of people need to do their work with the assistance of computer. So, they are sitting and staring at the computer screen all the time during work, which do harm to their eyes and their back. A research shows that most people, whose work can't go on without computers, suffer diseases related with cervical vertebra. In this situation, instead of sitting still in the spare time, doing some physical activities can change(原词不认识啊) their bad health condition. By doing exercise, their strained muscle can be relaxed and their resistibility can be improved.
Furthermore, heavy radiation, which may lead serious diseases, is transmitted by computers, mobile phones and other electrical devices which are closely interrelated to our daily work and lives. I think when people enjoy spare time（原文指失业）, they should leave the work place, and go into the nature for the fresh air and clean water.

On the other hand, having some hobbies different with one's work benefits people's psychological condition. For example, I am a student majored in computer science, and when I am free, I'd like to read some books about literature and geography, because I am interested in these different fields. By having some hobbies different with my major in free time, I won't be bored and this broaden my horizon. What's more, due to the increasing competition, integrated development of one's professional skills and extended ability may earn more opportunities for a person. So, beside our major ability, we should also learn other skills to improve our ability. For instance, I have a friend whose major is also computer, but he is interested in drawing. When he tried to find a job, his special skill in drawing attracted many companies’ attention. These companies thought this ability can be well used in the designing of software. So, to have some different hobbies benefits a person a lot.

To sum up, I totally agree with the point that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work.

遣词造句上稍显生硬，有些词句直译过来意思就不对了。不过，内容上还是比较充实的。

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作者: mpromanus    时间: 2011-6-3 00:03:39

92# qianhuang

Do you agree that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work?

Most of people spend the majority of a day on working. After working, they'd like to do various things to relax themselves. About the issue that whether people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work, I hold a positive view, and I think doing something different benefits people a lot.

On one hand, doing some physical activities, such as traveling and climbing, really helps people to improve their physical health condition. (You’re going down the line of ‘doing physical activities and hobbies improve health’..but the keyword in the question is ‘different from one’s work’. If a person is a construction worker, his job would already be very physical, and it makes not much sense for him to continue doing physical activities ‘to improve health’. I understand you’re talking about the general condition of office workers, but know that there are many different kinds of work in this world and you need to talk about what the boundary of your discussion is BEFORE you start the discussion. If your reasoning applies mainly to office workers, say so in the very first sentence, or even earlier – like in the first paragraph.) Nowadays, a great number of people need to do their work with the assistance of computers. So, they are sitting and staring at the screens of computers all the time during work, which do harms to their eyes and their backs. A research shows that most people, whose work can't leave computers out, suffer diseases related with cervical vertebra (I thought you said ‘harms…their backs’, so why do you specify ‘cervical vertebra’ – backbones in the neck? The human back is much larger than just the neck..so I don’t see the relationship between this sentence and the one before it.) In this situation, instead of sitting still in their spare time, doing some physical activities can ameliorate their bad health condition. By doing exercises, their strained muscles can be relaxed and their resistibility?? (Do you mean to say ‘flexibility’ or something similar?) can be improved. Furthermore, heavy radiation, which may lead to serious diseases, is transmitted (Computer do not ‘transmit’ radiation. They ‘emit’ radiation themselves.) by computers, mobile phones and other electrical devices which are closely interrelated to our daily work and lives. I think when people are out of work, they should get rid of this daily environment??, and go into the nature for the fresh air and clean water.

On the other hand, having some hobbies, different with one's work, can ameliorate people's psychological conditions. For example, I am a student majored in computer science, and when I am free, I'd like to read some books about literature and geography, because I am interested in these different fields. By having some hobbies different from my major in free time, I won't be bored and will broaden my horizon. What's more, due to the increasing competition (competition of what?), integrated development of one's professional skills and extended ability (You’re trying to translate some chic Chinese words about ‘quality graduates’, aren’t you..) may earn more opportunities for a person. So, beside our major ability, we should also learn other skills to improve our quality (This doesn’t make sense because in the English speaking countries they don’t usually associate ‘quality’ as an attribute of a person, as in, you don’t hear people say ‘His quality is good’. When they talk about potential employees, they talk about them being ‘qualified’ or having good ‘employability’ or being ‘candidates of good quality’ – note the words ‘candidate’ and ‘of’.). For instance, I have a friend whose major is also computer, but he is interested in drawing. When he tried to find a job, his special skill in drawing attracted many companies. These companies thought this ability can be well used in the designing of software. So, to have some different hobbies benefits a person a lot. (If your friend’s hobby is, say, palmistry, then perhaps it would not be as attractive..but it’s still a very different hobby from computers. Does the hobby help your friend because it’s different, or because it is somehow ‘useful’ in a practical sense in the field of his major, which is a very diverse field itself? Think about it.)

To sum up, I totally agree with the point that people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from one's work.

总结：

我觉得你论述语法语言什么的都还好，最主要的问题还是表达方式不甚地道，而且经常偏于累赘。。请注意在平时阅读中积累表达。。

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-6-3 14:03:50

6月2日 独立

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作者: qianhuang    时间: 2011-6-4 09:14:58

6月3日 独立

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