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标题: 【Daily Writing Camp】alohasally 的作文贴 谢谢各位 [打印本页]

作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-16 14:45:16     标题: 【Daily Writing Camp】alohasally 的作文贴 谢谢各位

本帖最后由 alohasally 于 2011-8-17 23:31 编辑

  谢谢所有战友们:)
作者: 玻璃梨    时间: 2011-8-16 16:23:32

本帖最后由 玻璃梨 于 2011-8-16 16:28 编辑

什么回事呢
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-17 10:26:50

2# 玻璃梨 有一个作文批改的活动 如果想参加详情请见  https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1285161-1-1.html
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-17 10:33:54

本帖最后由 alohasally 于 2011-8-27 00:21 编辑

h
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-17 10:34:42

本帖最后由 alohasally 于 2011-8-27 00:21 编辑

h
作者: zhengxiao0312    时间: 2011-8-17 15:42:56

[attach]170111[/attach] by zhengxiao0312

帮忙看下我的https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1294410-1-1.html
作者: xu8431    时间: 2011-8-17 18:43:35

8月16日 独立 改好了

[attach]170121[/attach]

最少300字 剩下随便你发挥就是了
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-17 23:11:38

8-17 独立 综合 两篇  谢谢 [attach]170209[/attach]
作者: leiyuan    时间: 2011-8-18 11:24:24

Do you agree ordisagree, it is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than bydoing physical exercise.

第一感觉是字数有点少。
T
What kind of activities would you prefer to relax yourself,sitting down to watch something or doing some sports? Both of them hold theirbenefits. As far as I am concerned, watching a movie or reading a book comfortsus more than doing exercises for (the reason that) we can both having a rest and getting someknowledge during the whole process.
`* [. X! l
Firstly, sitting down quietly and concentrating on the storiesin movies or books can eliminate the worry in one’s mind which is the nature ofrelax. After knowing this, some humorous or harmonyharmonious movies and novels are recommendable. For illustration, several days ago, I watched the movie named TheSmurfs after the quarreling with a friend. The lovely actions, intelligentideas and kind hearts of smurfs touched me so much that I forgot theunhappiness between me and my friend. Furthermore, the smurfs’ unity of familyalso imparted me that friends need to understand and help each other去掉 ratherthan blame.
Secondly, since the essential aim is to relax ourselves, it is fundamentalto notice that we need to let not only the physical but the psychologicalcondition to rest in pleasant atmosphere. If we going to do some exercise, no matterhow hard it is, there will be some energy from bodies consumed. Each of us hasthe experiences that we become more tiered on the physical aspect after sports activities.Also, we may keep considering the issues that bother us while we are running,which will put a harder pressure on the shoulder of our minds.6 u, O! Q& G. R' Y5 n# ~! y  a
All in all, as for the benefits for both physical and spiritualrelax I agree with the speaker that watching a movie or reading a book isbetter. To relax, we should choose something that is easy to accomplish and hasnot a bit disadvantages for bodies.
句式和思路都不错 但建议每段都扩充一些,或者在增加点理由
作者: zhangbao0607    时间: 2011-8-18 12:24:52

发回给你啊,希望对你有帮助!欢迎回改!
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-18 22:15:52

8-18 的作业 两篇 谢谢大家
作者: pirateasy    时间: 2011-8-19 09:16:21

写得很好哦~
作者: zuragh    时间: 2011-8-19 15:14:49

8.18 独立 & 综合 已修改 [attach]170309[/attach]
作者: foreverendless    时间: 2011-8-19 18:20:42

8.18
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-19 21:48:32

8-19 终于写完了  两篇如下[attach]170334[/attach]
作者: zuragh    时间: 2011-8-19 22:32:29

我的综合在这里~https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=4#pid1775448348
作者: lyn7981    时间: 2011-8-20 01:15:25

8.19 Annie's 修改稿
作者: zuragh    时间: 2011-8-20 12:45:56

8.19 独立 已修改~[attach]170388[/attach]
作者: wendychueng    时间: 2011-8-20 15:51:21

综合 修改稿[attach]170391[/attach]
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-20 17:24:32

8-20  综合[attach]170404[/attach]
作者: wendychueng    时间: 2011-8-21 13:04:27

你19号的综合没有给我改...
作者: jenniferso    时间: 2011-8-22 16:13:09

对不起啊,同学,17号的作业我现在才给你改。。。不好意思,忙忘记这事了。。额额。。
哦,对了,我这样把文章放这里没问题吧。。貌似我添加附件总是添不上。。


The lecture discussed the phenomenon of less readers of literatures than before. Some causes and effects are taken into account. However it is in the opposite direction of the passages' claims infrom three aspects as showed below.(第二句HOWEVER后句子太长了,主谓宾有点混乱)

First, the professor in the lecture claims that not only the literatures can provide the intellectual stimulations (+but aslo..).not only but also 最好连用,否则觉得句子说了一半) According to some vivid examples, books like the scientific, political ones and so forth are also in high quality. They can enhance the intellective levels of people as well. However, this is different from the ideas in the passage which indicates that reading less literature will lower the intellectual benefits.(这一段再看看,我咋觉得文章里是说BOOK销量降低了就说是文学作品销量少了,但是听力里说,其实还有很多其他形式的文学作品的。。我再回头看看)

Second, the professor in the lecture dosedoes not agree with the position in the reading that the level of culture in general is lowered. The speaker concerned the culture is just changed into a stationsituation? that it can be revealed in many other forms except for beside, except for应该是不包含后面那个名词了吧)literatures. Fantastic music, wonderful movies can also be precious part of the culture and they are even more beneficial to the general. There is no evidence to show the level is lowered. (我觉得是不是用lower就好了)

Third, the lecture holds the point that the tendency of less readers than before may resulted from the authors’ writing ability. (应该不是写作能力,而是说写出来的东西读者读不懂)This is another part that is not in consistence with the reading that(which)
it it多余)believes (it is the删除) thatless audience leads the difficulties toof( the writers to删除)(literatures’ publication) 最后一句句子太长了而且穿插了很多定语从句和强调句,让人看了有点CONFUSED,最好断个句)
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-22 22:44:00

8-22  两篇作业 感谢您的意见[attach]170477[/attach]
作者: squareseed    时间: 2011-8-23 02:40:22

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: zhengxiao0312    时间: 2011-8-23 09:44:45

by zhengxiao0312[attach]170519[/attach]
作者: heather24    时间: 2011-8-23 14:45:55

独立已修改好。
作者: foreverendless    时间: 2011-8-23 21:40:31

8.22 独立 已修改
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-23 22:15:55

两篇都在个、附件里啦 [attach]170567[/attach]
作者: cederica    时间: 2011-8-23 22:23:12

那个附件怎么附上去的,研究半个多小时都不知道呢~!~教教
作者: 宁夏zoe    时间: 2011-8-24 06:54:30

新手不能传附件的
作者: 宁夏zoe    时间: 2011-8-24 08:14:33

Perhaps, few people can deny that the improvements of our society are affected by numerous things, idealisms and so on. When it comes more accurate(为什么是这个词,影响更准确?)  to weigh the influence of books and televisions, I hold the opinion that books have less effect on the society than TVs for the aspects of story retelling ability and attraction to all audience.

As is known to all, since the replayed truth in televisions are so wide and virtual that they always leave impressed(deeply) impressions, or even shocks, on the society. While an affair with educating or public meanings is told on TVs, not only the outline was narrative, but also together with appropriate music and real images or videos. None of this can be perfectly depicted in a book. For illustration, the recording program named Environment has once described the sufferings that are underwent by the deer in the Tibet, all around the whole society began to appealing the protections of deer there, which are totally brought about by the startling videos of the living situation of deer.

In addition, televisions serve a strong force to each class, ages, or genders in the society to impart something to the public only because it has more visional attractions than books. Consider the various programs on the TVs as examples. No matter it is a recording program, TV play, competition show or even an advertisement, it will tell people something in a subtle way that have influence to the society at any time. Each class of people could find their favorite programs on TV easily and furthermore may be addicted to it. This convenience and attraction from TV are to people is what a friendly teacher to them.(用这段的例子很好。但是和你这段的论点不符,电视更有视觉吸引力这个论点又和第一段重复了。建议换一个和例子更相符的观点。)

Nevertheless, we are not denying the impulse from books. Books are often said to the forever bright light from the destination. Once we find the kind and the individual book we like most, several information can be absorbed from it time after time. The more times we read it, the more different things we can be taught. Such a long-term progress is also an effective method to the society.GOOD

To sum up, when it comes to the influence that the books and televisions have on the society, televisions outweigh books. We appreciate the whole lively stories that are repeated in television programs. Its attraction to everyone in the society is also inevitable.
作者: xieqy0326    时间: 2011-8-24 08:38:29

我来了~~~
作者: cederica    时间: 2011-8-24 11:07:31



Books have more influence on society than television.

Perhaps, few people can deny that the improvements of our society are affected by numerous things, idealisms and so on. When it comes more accurate to weigh the influence of books and televisions, I hold the opinion that books have less effect on the society than TVs for the aspects(aspect) of story retelling ability and attraction to all audience.

As is known to all, since the replayed truth in televisions are so wide and virtual that they always leave impressed impressions, or even shocks, on the society. While an affair with educating or public meanings is told on TVs, not only the outline was narrative, but also together with appropriate music and real images or videos. None of this can be perfectly depicted in a book. For illustration, the recording program named Environment has once described the sufferings that are underwent by the deer in the Tibet, all around the whole society began to appealing the protections of deer there, which are totally brought about by the startling videos of the living situation of deer.


In addition, televisions serve a strong force to each class, ages, or genders in the society to impart something to the public only because it has more visional attractions than books. Consider the various programs on the TVs as examples. No matter it is a recording program, TV play, competition show or even an advertisement, it will tell people something in a subtle way that have influence to the society at any time. Each class of people could find their favorite programs on TV easily and furthermore may be addicted to it. This convenience and attraction from TV are to people is what a friendly teacher to them.(这个句子是不是有点拗口?

Nevertheless与上文没有转折关系), we are not denying the impulse from books. Books are often said to the forever bright light from the destination. Once we find the kind and the individual book we like most, several information can be absorbed from it time after time. The more times we read it, the more different things we can be taught. Such a long-term progress is also an effective method to the society.这段说books的好处,突出不了你赞成TVbooks更有影响力)


To sum up, when it comes to the influence that the books and televisions have on the society, televisions outweigh books. We appreciate the whole lively stories that are repeated in television programs. Its attraction to everyone in the society is also inevitable.
这个作文题目,主要是探讨哪个的影响力更大,所以最好多点对比,侧重点强点比较好吧,文章的结构和语言都不错,就是感觉观点不够强)

作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-24 22:07:15

非常感谢之前各位的意见 我会继续努力8-24  两篇[attach]170666[/attach]
作者: foreverendless    时间: 2011-8-24 22:30:54

8.23综合
问题不大,很成熟的综合,和自己的对比下阐述的很详尽了,唯一能提的小瑕疵就是稍微变换下每段passage和lecture的顺序就更好了,多样的结构可能会丰富一些。加油
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-24 23:33:03

33# cederica
主要是新手不能传附件 你多多回复点其他帖子就可以啦
作者: 小逸128    时间: 2011-8-25 00:24:17

本帖最后由 小逸128 于 2011-8-25 00:26 编辑

8.24综合,级别不够发不了附件。。


Several arguments are quoted in the lecture to challenge the notion in the passage that there will be fewer and fewer birds according to human activities. As regards the urban progress, agriculture and pesticides using situations, the professor believes the population of birds could(would)
not reduce(fast) in the future as discussed below.lecture里讲鸟不会减少的很快,如果过could not reduce会不会太绝对了?



Firstly, the speaker in the lecture has the assertion that the settlement and urban development may make better and larger areas for some birds to live. On the base of (Based on the)
examples of sea gulls and pigeons on streets, she suggests that some type of birds may shrink, whereas others may have a better life in towns and the population can increase as well. This casts doubts on the opinion in the reading that all kinds of birds’ population will reduce in terms of human’s expand.



Secondly, as for the aspect that agriculture will cover more and more lands that used to be habitats for birds hence destroy birds families, the speaker in the lecture dose not agree. She indicates that agriculture in the future calls for less area than before. Each year, the lands are(删掉)
used for cultivating crops in the United States are fewer and fewer(听力里面好像说的是less) . The development will concentrate on productivity of each unit of lands (land). Thus, she concludes that the number of birds will not be affected by agriculture in the coming years.



Finally, according to the lecture, it is reasonable that pesticides are(were)
used so(too)
often before, but this trend will not continue to the future, from which the birds will suffer less harm from the pesticides. New more environmental kinds of pesticides will be researched for the crops in fields. And people are working for(on)
some pest resistant crops so that no more chemical pesticides are necessary for them. In the end(As a result), crops cannot be destroyed by chemical things. Neither will the birds. This is in contrast to the notion in the passage that birds will be killed or prevented from reproducing because of pesticides.
作者: bill5865    时间: 2011-8-25 10:59:23

你的8-23,有空也看看我的吧
作者: alohasally    时间: 2011-8-25 19:59:03

8-25  加油!  这个独立题目我想了好久  没在30min完成[attach]170708[/attach]
作者: 我心奔驰    时间: 2011-8-26 17:28:33

必须顶楼主哇  呵呵
作者: foreverendless    时间: 2011-8-26 22:00:27

8.26 题目纠结,改的也纠结
作者: lyn7981    时间: 2011-8-27 13:46:09

8.25 Annie's 修改稿
楼主无怒,小的改晚了,小的下回一定不再犯了~~
作者: A大队LXD    时间: 2011-10-26 10:51:32

你好你的10.25作文已经改了一下,不才,望见谅




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