寄托家园留学论坛

标题: 真心请求高手和过来人给看一下作文，并且帮忙估计一下分数 [打印本页]

作者: wangnannan_1985 时间: 2012-2-23 14:12:42 标题: 真心请求高手和过来人给看一下作文，并且帮忙估计一下分数

6. Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The speaker asserts that deer population is decreasing just because they did not cross the frozen sea to find food. At first glance, it seems to be true. However, a careful examination of the support evidence in this argument reveals how groundless this conclusion is. Hence, to fully evaluate this argument, a large number of evidence need to be discussed in this argument.

The first evidence that might help us evaluate this argument is whether deer population is declining. Report from local hunters indicates the deer population is declining, but we can not judge that their report is precise. Perhaps, they figure out the deer population becomes sparse just because they could hunt less deer in this year than last year. This measuring method is certainly unconvinced. Thus, we need more reliable and powerful evidence to assess the changing direction of the deer population. Maybe we should let an animal survey team assess the deer population. If the deer population is not declining, even increasing, the conclusion from the speaker would be undermined.

Likewise, we need a further evidence to explain the circumstance of the frozen sea from which the deer can migrate to seek food. The speaker assumes the frozen sea is melting seriously so that the deer would not displace into an another area where there are abundant food for the deer just because the world is warming recently. However, this assumption is meaningless and unreasonable. The world is warming all the time in recent years, but we could not receive the information that the frozen sea is melting. Thus, in order to judge the frozen sea, we might use satellite to observe the frozen sea where the deer is living. If the result from the satellite indicates the frozen sea is not melting, the argument would be weaken.

The last evidence that we need to evaluate this argument is whether the deer have another migration pattern. The speaker asserts if the frozen sea is melting, the old-age pattern would be destroyed so that the deer is incapable of displacing into other areas for food. But the speaker does not provide evidences to illustrate the condition of migration pattern. Perhaps, although the old migration pattern is destroyed, the deer could find a another route to cross the melting sea. Thus, the scientists should do a careful research for the deer’ migration. If the scientist could demonstrate the deer are able to find another way to cross the sea, the argument would become more unconvincing.
All in all, the conclusion from the speaker is unreliable and invalid from analysis presented above. To strength the argument, the speaker should supply more accurate evidences to reinforce the conclusion.

还有一篇ISSUE

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

The speaker asserts that it is valid that using scandals to reveal some problems that are not found by the speakers and reformer. In my view, although scandals can help us pay attention on some hidden problems, we would be misguided and confused by the scandals.

Scandals could attract our focus and reveal some interesting problems to the public very quickly. In modern times, some social drawbacks are concealed very deeply, so that the common citizens have no ability to find them. When these problems are indulged as scandals by media, the public could regard these affairs and maybe the government would do its best to solve these problems. For example, a milk factory by producing a lot of unqualified milk benefit a lot, but the boss of this factory could not be arrested because a high government official cover up him. However when this factory as a scandal will be disclosed by media, no one can rescue them. They will face legal action and be sentenced into jail. Scandals, therefore, make a positive contribution to the society by superintending society.

However, scandals would be usually enlarged by media and internet, so that it becomes more and more unreal. In order to attract people’ attention, media will exaggerate scandals’ level ,so scandal’ reality would be destroyed. For example, a government official embezzles ten thousand dollars, but media will change this number into one million dollars. Therefore people will be deceived without regarding the genuine circumstance. This deceiving fact also brings terrible influence. Maybe people lose confidence on the government and are disgusted by the country. Even the society would be unstable.

In addition, sometimes the scandals would be generated with monetary profit. For the sake of profit, media might find some entertainment news as scandals to broadcast into the public. For example, when a super star has a new girlfriend, the media and internet will exaggerate the importance of event. The public will be attracted by these no useful events without regarding some important country’s affairs. Likewise, the media and internet have strong ability to destroy a star just because he or she make a little mistake. But no one can never be wonderful in everything. The society should give them a chance to correct the mistakes.

In sum, it may be true that scandals can attract our attention to some hidden bad problems, but when we could not deal with these scandals carefully, we would be misled by these scandals.

作者: ZTree 时间: 2012-2-24 05:11:15

说说issue

先说你的正论点：你走的太远了。丑闻被公众知晓不一定会带来实际惩罚，例子太多了。如果一起事件仅仅被公众知道而没有下一步行动，你还认为这是有积极意义的吗？为什么？

再说反论点
1 披露丑闻不会必然导致谣言，更不一定导致对社会失去信心。你没有说明这个推导过程
2 ……你觉得换女友也算是scandal吗？

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)