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标题: issue 128，个人感觉issue很没底 [打印本页]

作者: zhouyue0223 时间: 2012-4-27 09:16:53 标题: issue 128，个人感觉issue很没底

128. Some people argue that successful leaders in government, industry, or other fields must be highly competitive. Other people claim that in order to be successful, a leader must be willing and able to cooperate with others.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

字数：447
不限时
提纲：1. 竞争意识和合作意识对一个人都很重要

2. 过度的竞争而没有合作，不一定能通向成功

3. 过度的合作而没有竞争也不能成功
观点：领导既要竞争意识，也要合作意识

With the explosive development of society, competition and cooperation become more significant to success. Some hold the viewpoint that competition is a dispensable character of successful leaders while others claim cooperation as essential. However, as a whole effect in general, successful leaders must equipped themselves with both competition and cooperation .

To begin with, both competition and cooperation do have positive impulsion to success. Competition provide leaders with the motivation to improve themselves. In competition they would compare with other competitors, which leads to exposure of disadvantages. While in cooperation, leaders come from many spheres of knowledge would communicate different opinions, which could draws the strong points of others to offset their own weakness. They both have preeminent influence on leaders.

However, one leader who is highly competitive but does not has the consciousness of cooperation is less likely to be successful. For instance, during the Warring States Period, the King of Zhao has two competent ministers. One is Ling Xiangru who is civil minister and the other is senior general—Lian Po. They both have a momentous effect on the development of Zhao, and they also compete with each other. Nevertheless, they are competitive so exclusively, both merely concentrate on the personal struggle, that both of them fail to complete their duties to the country. What’s worse, it results in Zhao defeated by the neighboring country. If both of them could cooperate with each other, then they can extract both superior ones and the Zhao would win the battle. It’s exclusive competition that leads to the two leaders’ failure.

Similarly , merely cooperate with others without competition could not help leaders to the successful shore. I still remember when I as a monitor in high school, I cooperated with other classes to complete our own experiments. Due to our cooperation I obtained the results of experiment ahead of time. However, when I handed in the report of experiment, the teacher found that the reports from different classes are all the same, which no one have a breakthrough on the basis of origin. Cooperation has helped us to achieve the experiment quickly and easily. And it is also the extensive cooperation that leads to the failure of the experiment. If we are competitive with each other, then all of us have the consciousness to make a progress so that we would have more excellent results.

In summary, competition and cooperation could not be separated to a successful leader. Competition motivates the leader to improve himself constantly and cooperation helps the leader to absorb others’ advantages, which also facilitates us. Only a leader with these two qualities could he make a great progress and be a successful one.

作者: okqishi 时间: 2012-4-27 17:15:13

With the explosivedevelopment of society, competition and cooperation become more significant tosuccess. Some hold the viewpoint that competition is a dispensable character【/factor】of successful leaderswhile others claim cooperation as essential. However, as a whole effect in general, successful leadersmust equipped themselves with both competition and cooperation .
【表明观点，nice】

To begin with, both competition and cooperation do have positive impulsion tosuccess. Competition provide leaders with the motivation to improve themselves.In competition they would compare with other competitors, which leads to exposure of disadvantages 【/which leads to expose their disadvantages/potentialshortages】. While incooperation, leaders come from many 【/dissimilar】 spheres
【/realms/fields】 of knowledge would communicate 【exchange】 differentopinions, which could draws the strong points of others to offset their ownweakness. They【they 指谁? the competition and cooperation? if so,you should make itclear】 both have preeminentinfluence on leaders.

However, one leader who is highlycompetitive but does not has the consciousness of cooperation is less likely tobe successful. For instance, duringthe Warring States Period, the King of Zhao has two competent ministers. One isLing Xiangru, who is civil minister, and the otheris senior general—Lian Po. They both have a momentous effect on the developmentof Zhao, and they also compete with each other. Nevertheless, they arecompetitive so exclusively, both merely concentrate on the personal struggle,that both of them fail to complete their duties to the country. What’s worse,it results in Zhao defeated by the neighboring country 【这里用country不太合适，可以用empire】 . If both of them could cooperate with each other, thenthey can extract both superior ones【ones are what?advantages?strong points? you should illustrate it】 and the Zhao would win the battle. It’s exclusivecompetition that leads to the two leaders’ failure.

Similarly , merely cooperate with others without competition could not helpleaders to the successful shore. I still remember when I as a monitor in highschool, I cooperated with other classes to complete our own experiments. Due toour cooperation I obtained the results of experiment ahead of time. However,when I handed in the report of experiment, the teacher found that the reportsfrom different classes are all the same, which no one have a breakthrough onthe basis of origin. Cooperation has helped us to achieve the experimentquickly and easily. And it is also the extensive cooperation that leads to thefailure of the experiment. If we are competitive with each other, then all ofus 【will】 have the consciousness to make a progress so that we would have moreexcellent results.【这个例子很勉强，首先不能说因为cooperation导致你们failure（个人认为这个不算failure），其次，就算有了competition，你们也未必肯定会有breakthrough】

In summary, competition and cooperation could not be separated to a successfulleader. Competition motivates the leader to improve himself constantly andcooperation helps the leader to absorb others’ advantages, which alsofacilitates us. Only a leader with these two qualities could he【he/she对于这种指示代词，最好两种性别都写】 make a greatprogress and be a successful one.

作者: zhouyue0223 时间: 2012-4-27 18:20:31

With the explosivedevelopment of society, competition and cooperation become more significant tosuccess. Some hold the viewpoint that competition is a dispensable character【/factor】of successful lea ...
okqishi 发表于 2012-4-27 17:15

谢谢版主细致的批改我的作文，感觉自己在举例论证上还是很欠缺，也不乏出现很多语法、词汇上的问题。

作者: loly_he 时间: 2012-4-27 22:52:26

感觉to begin with那一段有点薄弱，论述的很少
后两段在叙述事件的时候可是再稍微简洁一点。

作者: zhouyue0223 时间: 2012-4-28 16:29:27

感觉to begin with那一段有点薄弱，论述的很少
后两段在叙述事件的时候可是再稍微简洁一点。
loly_he 发表于 2012-4-27 22:52

才刚开始写issue，真的很没底，谢谢大侠宝贵的建议

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