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标题: [GRE作文互助组]清心_巧的作业帖---issue习作贴 [打印本页]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-7-31 20:07:55     标题: [GRE作文互助组]清心_巧的作业帖---issue习作贴

本帖最后由 清心_巧 于 2012-7-31 22:43 编辑

issue 13
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    We are in an era with knowledge explosion. The world today has given us more drastic challenges. Whether universities should require every student to take a variety of courses out the student's field of study remains a debatable question.  
    As we all know, the world is a unity and everything in it interacts with each other. Though more and more fields of knowledge are developing into independent subjects, We should always remember that the disciplines division is merely a product of human society. When we study physics, we need mathematics as a tool. When we study biology, we need chemistry at the same time. When a study encountered with an obstacle, other subjects may inspire new ideas and offer solutions in a new way.
    Moreover, it is gradually becoming a must to learn subjects besides our own major, because today's society needs such people who are all-round developed.If you are an architect, you need not only enough specialized knowledge, but also communication skills and knowledge of economics to coordinate with clients. If you are a software engineer, you may need aesthetic knowledge besides a good programming capability.
    Another important reason to study other courses is that many students did not know exactly what they want to learn when they enter college. Some chose their majors based on the social trend; some just followed their parents' will. When they began their college life, some of them found that what they learn now is not suitable for them, therefore, learning more subjects offers them an opportunity to find their true passion and strong points.
    Although students can benefit a lot from learning various courses, it also brings about some drawbacks.
    Firstly, our energy is limited, we may ask whether it would be a burden for students to learn so many courses. When you wake up every day, you find you have classes from morning to night, what would you feel? An old saying said that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. If learning and testing is gradually occupying your whole life, would you feel overstressed? And if a student feel so, he or she may regard study as a boring thing and the fun of study surely will be deprived.
    Secondly, not all the students can arrange time well. If someone does poor in time arrangement when facing such various courses, he or she probably will have a poor performance in both his specialized and non-specialized courses. That would be a pity for he or she may do will in one of it!
    Besides, One of the most important characteristics of university is the inclusiveness. Universities should encourage and guide students to realize their value, not to compel students to do things that they dislike. If they just require students to do this and that, universities, in some degree, would be high schools. And there alway be some geniuses who are remarkable in a given field, but have a poor performance in other field. For example, Qian Zhongshu, a Chinese literary scholar and writer, known for his satiric novel Fortress Besieged was said to have very high scores in literature and foreign language, but low scores in other subjects especially mathematics. If Qian were required to take various courses when he was in university, would he be driven mad by studying calculus?
    Considering these aspects, my opinion is that in undergraduate years, especially first two years, universities should encourage students to take courses outside their field of study. They should just provide this platform and respect every student’s choices. In junior and senior years and also graduate level, student should put more emphasis on their major courses.
辛苦了...献丑了...往狠里批吧:dizzy:
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-1 23:01:37

本帖最后由 清心_巧 于 2012-8-2 00:48 编辑

8.1
3 Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

When you enter college, you will face such a mass of courses. Would you feel excited or stressed or even perplexed? Admittedly, it's not an easy task for students to select several limited fields of study among various disciplines. So, as educational institutions, just as the statement says, they have a responsibility to help students to do the best.

According to our common sense, a well-managed educational institution with a good reputation must have a plenty of experience in helping students choose their fields of study. With so many cases whether successful cases or failures, its suggestions are surely worth an attention. It may be hard or embarrassed to tell someone that you are in the wrong way, but it's even worse to see someone in the tears of regret. We all know youth is precious and we need to pay for every wrong decision we made. So many students in my school feel depressed when they found that they are not suitable for their majors; and at that time, most of them were just walking out of campus to begin their career life. Why didn't they realize this problem earlier? One important reason is that what we learn now in college is quite different from what we will use in future professions. In college, you just need to memorize the textbooks or do some experiments. Even you feel boring with some subjects, you can still get good grades as long as you wroke hard. However, in the society, you need to apply what you have learned into the real situation; what's more, you need to acquire new knowledge every day because of the limited knowledge we learned in school and the rapid development of the modern world. So, you see, it never be an easy thing like what we did in school years.

Besides, very few students clearly know what they want to do in the future. A majority of students have an vague concept of each subject. Some of them just followed their parents or teachers will; some of them selected one major because it is popular. There are multifarious reasons why they choose that field, but usually they do not sound satisfactory. In this circumstance, talents of students are easily killed. Therefore, in order to help students find their own strength and cultivate excellent people for society, educational institutions should join the action of giving students advice.

However, when we look at the statement, we inevitably have to ask what does success mean? Does it mean a high salary, an admirable position, a big house with a luxury car? Or does it mean a happy life or a self-satisfaction? If it means wealth and reputation, well, I may suggest that educational institutions should care about their suggestions, as it may be a obstacle for students' gifts. Chinese painting master Qi Baishi has a seal called "Just paint my paintings";it can remind him of working for himself, because working towards materialistic things and personal glory is perilous especially in arts and scientific studies.  If we always want applause and cheers, we might achieve nothing. So ,even though a student is doing something that may not lead to a well-off life, as long as he loves it, we can not block him.

Another problem is that though educational institutions are full of experience, we still can not say that they are always right. Although they can summarize many similarities among students, we should not forget that everyone has its unique characteristics. However, taken together, those wrong judgments seldom happens.

Choosing fields of study is an important thing for every student and a right choice will benefit students for the whole life. Educational institutions should encourage students to step into their greatness, providing them with the motivation to take the next step toward living their dreams. Meanwhile, they should make students know that courage is not rudeness and carelessness and we must pay the consequences for our actions.
作者: tsaoyu991    时间: 2012-8-2 10:12:26

本帖最后由 tsaoyu991 于 2012-8-2 11:00 编辑

已经批改，欢迎讨论。
及时回拍，共同提高。
作者: xiesisiminerva    时间: 2012-8-2 16:09:47

本帖最后由 xiesisiminerva 于 2012-8-2 16:42 编辑

revised
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-2 20:58:38

8.2
48 Educators should teach facts only after their students have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Teaching methods differ from place to place. One of these various methods, just as the statement mentions, is to teach students relevant background before they learn facts. As a student, who have been benefiting from such learning method, I will give several reasons in favor of such action although weakness also exist.

When we talk about teaching methods, we are inevitable to answer the question of what the goal of learning is. Indeed, we have gained a fair amount of knowledge till now, but is the knowledge  itself the goal of learning? Definitely not! With the fast development of modern society and the explosion of knowledge, learning becomes a life-long process. What we have acquired during school years is too limited to apply to the real world. Beyond that, with time passing by, we will gradually forget what we have learned in school. Einstein once said that education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned. So, what will remain is the way to study besides your spiritual growth. So, for that question above, a proper answer will focus on the ability to learning, not knowledge itself.

As we study the ideas, trends, and concepts, we analyze how these relevant or not so relevant  things together led to a conclusion. For example, when I studied the structure of DNA, I studied the history of this discovery. The man who first isolated it, famous experiments which push the study forward, this background not only lets me know how scientists gradually revealed the mask of DNA, but also reminds me of hard work and perseverance. In addition, a comprehensive understanding could bring about a long-term memory; because studies have found the more we read about one thing, the more chance will we remember it.

Though it seems to be a perfect teaching method, admittedly, it still have drawbacks. What if it is a completely new problem? What if there is no background to refer? Do these mean we should not to study these facts? From ancient times to present, with the development of society, various problems rise among us. Even in the modern technological world today, we find the problems are being increased, not decreased. For example, the space debris, which has been brought into  attention recent years and still be a tough problem without good solutions; and globing warming, which also be a serious problem. Facing these new challenges that can not offer us much experience, teachers should not hold students back from learning facts. Maybe their creative ideas could offer help.

Compared with such huge benefit, its weakness seems unimportant. But in order to do it best, the statement may be better by removing the word "only". Teachers should teach relevant background  before students learn facts, but everything is flexible; when it become impossible to do so, teaching facts first is not a bad idea.   
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-2 23:14:30

看大家的批改.....惨兮兮的.......但......感谢各位啊!!!请继续让我惨下去吧...只要考试不要惨兮兮就好...嘿嘿
作者: Chenaixxxx    时间: 2012-8-3 16:39:56

By Yang
8.1 批改~昨天出去了TT
补上~
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-3 18:19:12

Chenaixxxx 发表于 2012-8-3 16:39
By Yang
8.1 批改~昨天出去了TT
补上~

木事啊,我今晚传给你
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-3 18:20:46

8.3
15 Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


Before I entered college, my father was always persuading me to choose economics as my major despite my own interest, because in his mind, the economics is a most promising major and can lead to a lucrative job. What I said in the above is not a rare phenomenon in today. Parents and many educational institutions are eagerly encouraging students to choose fields that could lead to plenty of money. But do they do the right thing? I don't think so.

From the perspective of students, not all of us have the interest fortunately in accordance with the popularity. When we are in the dilemma of interests or money, what should we do? In my eyes, we should choose interests without hesitation as long as it's your genuine love. As human beings, one of the most distinctive characteristics which separates us from animals is that we do not live just for survival. Surly with abundant money, you can do many things, but would you be happy when you are doing what you dislike? Remember we are people, not a money-making machine. You can have a happy life doing what you like and you can earn money as long as you are thoughtful and hardworking. Besides, study for money is dangerous. The famous winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics, Samuel Ding once said: never work for money and fame. Study for money could deprive us of the happiness and excitement of acquiring new knowledge; since every time you meet a subject, you will wonder if it could bring you money in the future, if not, your enthusiasm would diminish.

Moreover, from the point of careers, no one can promise this or that job will alway be lucrative. Take the automobile industry in Detroit as an example. Many years ago, Detroit, known as the world's traditional automotive center, was a dream place for people at home and abroad. People were attracted there by the plentiful job opportunities, high salaries and good benefits. However, in today's Detroit, automobile industry fell into depression and mass people lost their jobs due to the gasoline crisis and economic crisis. Who can imagine such a splendid industry could become a nightmare for many workers.

Furthermore, from the schools' angle, every discipline they set must have proper reasons. If all the students choose those popular disciplines, it could result in the imbalance of subjects. For example, archaeology is not a hot job, but it does great contribution for us. Through archaeologists' discoveries, we gradually know the history of human beings and other creatures in the world. In addition, studying for money is not beneficial for the development of new industries, because they are not easy for us to decide whether it could be successful or not.

Admittedly, if a job has a high salary, usually it means that job meets the social needs. However, when we consider the salaries of the job, shouldn't we think about working conditions as well? Maybe its working condition is terrible that it needs to rise salary to attract employees. And if it is a perfect profession, even though educational institutions don't give suggestions for students, I think there will still be numerous students to choose it. Don't forget almost nobody dislike money.

I'm glad that I'm studying what I like and it gives me much pleasure and I have learned a lot. So, whether from my personal experience or from what I argued above, educational institutions should help students to find their own talents and let them step into their own greatness rather than encourage them to study for money.
作者: xiesisiminerva    时间: 2012-8-4 15:00:24

清心_巧 发表于 2012-8-3 18:20
8.3
15 Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study  ...

[attach]185221[/attach]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-5 19:13:56

8.4

[attach]185380[/attach]
作者: Chenaixxxx    时间: 2012-8-5 22:34:32

批改~BY Chenaixxxx（Yang）
作者: winderflier    时间: 2012-8-6 22:27:47

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-6 23:09:02

winderflier 发表于 2012-8-6 22:27
issue 怎么写这么多的，我一天都憋不出来这么多样化的语言。。。。

现在我写的基本上在500以内...一个是因为时间问题..一个是我也写不出来那么多
上面的那几篇是我的处女作..那个时候没什么经验...也没时间控制,就狂查资料猛写....嘻嘻.....你别在意...OG上5分的那篇才不到400字呢..字数不是最大的问题...有说服力比较重要...我上面的那些就别看了...写得很差..
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-6 23:09:55

8.6
[attach]185485[/attach]
作者: tsaoyu991    时间: 2012-8-7 22:27:04

批改占座，
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-7 23:19:48

8.7
[attach]185645[/attach]
作者: Chenaixxxx    时间: 2012-8-8 20:09:31

今天去拔牙了……痛苦……
8.6 批改，才交，真不好意思哈~
顺便把我写好的8.6贴给你~批改受累咯~By Chenaixxxx（Yang）
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1776115507
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-8 22:33:57

8.8
[attach]185748[/attach]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-8 22:34:16

8.8
[attach]185748[/attach]
作者: 冬涧苦雪    时间: 2012-8-9 00:06:31

本帖最后由 冬涧苦雪 于 2012-8-9 00:08 编辑

针对issue29的修改

可能批得有点厉害，不妥之处可以及时反馈，互相交流。加油！
（先看最下面）
Which one is surest indicator of a great nation, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists or the general welfare of its people? In order to answer this debatable question, one should firstly figure out what is a great nation（应是陈述语序，what a great nation is）. A great nation indicates political stability, economic development and national amity, with its people living and working in peace and contentment. As the two aspects in the first question（有the second question吗？可改成former）, in my point of view, they （谁呀？那两个？）are not strictly（个人觉得，这个副词用得不得当） comparable, because they interact with each other to contribute jointly to a great nation（共同对国家强大起作用就不能彼此比较了吗？没有这个逻辑呀）.
作为文章首段，首先写得太多了，说了半天才引出最后一句有点睛作用的话，逻辑还有问题
For the general welfare of people, it's important for every country, not only the great one(ones). We know that the country is set for its people. Its prior(prior有时间前有的感觉，可以这么用吗？好别扭) obligation is to make every effort to insure its people have the basic conditions for survival. Only are people（only从句不倒装，最好改成加分词结构，only provided with such ..., can the people...） provided with such living essence(生命精华？你是想说material/physical basis吗), can they do contributions for their country. One counterexample（为什么要举反例） is that though the agriculture, technology and industry were highly developed and it（上文从未提到，就来it呀） was one of the most powerful country in that period, the former Soviet Union still broke up. One major reason is the harsh reality of life for their people so that they no longer have confidence for their country（病句）. Whenever （为什么用whenever）people lose their confidence, the country will lose its excellent emotional appeal and coagulative power.
中间逻辑有问题，苏联的事例没有有效地论述，分析不够。
Looking back in history, we could not deny that every great nation had a high achievements（单数复数？） of its rulers, artists, and scientists. Power leaders, such as Great Alexander and Napoleon, even though they seem ruthless, may guide their countries into greatness. Besides, in today's world, more and more countries have realized the importance of cultural soft power（这段第一句不是topic sentence啊？为什么又开始说当代？）. American movies, Korean TV series and Japanese cartoon bring people（chinglish） not only pleasure but also the acceptation of a certain culture. （这跟主题有神马关系呀⊙﹏⊙b）As for science achievement, we all know it is the first productive force. With Watt's amelioration of steam engine, the Industry Revolution, one of the most influential events in human history happened firstly in Britain（冗杂）. Benefiting from it, the Britain gradually became a global economic hegemon. The advanced productive forces, advanced forms of transportation helped the Britain establish colonies around the world. Thus, Britain was called a "sun does not set empire" in that era.
这都是再说什么啊···真心晕了
However, these achievements could help to improve people's general welfare; in the same time, a better living standard could cause more achievements to happen.One (On)the one hand, the technology achievements can be used to increase productivity so the material life of people could be guaranteed. The art achievements could rich people's mental world helping them to be civil citizen. And the effective lead could perfect the imperfection (没有这么说的吧··)in order to make a stable environment. One the other hand, when people don't need to worry about their material life, they could devote themselves more into the prosperity of their country. They could unit together because they love this motherland and its people. They get so many things from it so they want to pay back it.

In this modern world, with more focus on democracy and leadership in almost every field, to be a great country needs plenty of effort（chinglish）. Both welfare of people and remarkable achievements are necessary for a great country and they will make a mutual promotion to strengthen it.

先总结了下你的提纲：
1福利对每个国家都很重要
2每个强国都有很多精英
3精英的贡献和福利是有相互促进关系的
4二者都要加强，才能建立强盛的国家

首先，我觉得···貌似整体都有点跑，题目要求论述国家实力的衡量指标，而并不是怎样能让国家强盛，二者是有关系，但是作为主题，不可以直接取代题目的问法，导致每一段的论述中心都“跑偏”了
第二段：这个issue的主要方向是让考生陈述福利对于国力强弱的代表性，不应该围绕着welfare很重要，就展开一段，而应去探讨它能不能最好地代表国力。福利重要和它的代表性不成等价关系呀~~
第三段也是，和主题不紧密，游移的感觉。
···一直到最后，都在论述什么样子才能建立强盛的国家，而丝毫不提和indicator有关的内容。

其次，逻辑上，要在构思的时候注意句间结构，全文注意段间结构，逻辑是不是说得通，首先你自己可以被说服吗？

最后，语言的问题，建议多模仿好文章造句子，集中训练，改改自己的句子，不地道。

作者: loveJenny0717    时间: 2012-8-9 11:01:22

啊，既然已经改过了，我是不是不用帮巧同学改了？
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-9 19:18:25

8.9
[attach]185837[/attach]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-9 19:18:43

loveJenny0717 发表于 2012-8-9 11:01
啊，既然已经改过了，我是不是不用帮巧同学改了？

不要不要嘛
作者: loveJenny0717    时间: 2012-8-9 21:07:51

[attach]185851[/attach]
啊，看完了上位同学给你改的，我觉得我改得很不专业……上一位同学可以去ＥＴＳ阅卷了……不过仁者见仁吧~加油！别忘了给我改哈~
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-13 22:07:48

8.13
[attach]186353[/attach]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-13 22:09:03

loveJenny0717 发表于 2012-8-9 21:07
啊，看完了上位同学给你改的，我觉得我改得很不专业……上一位同学可以去ＥＴＳ阅卷了……不过仁者见仁吧 ...

不好意思吖..这几天都没怎么来寄托,今天刚回来..我会帮你改的,虽然我也不专业,尽力而为
作者: loveJenny0717    时间: 2012-8-14 22:08:54

[attach]186489[/attach]
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-14 22:54:15

8.14
[attach]186497[/attach]

个人认为不擅长写社会类文章
作者: 曦月    时间: 2012-8-15 10:12:05

8.13号的~有点晚了~~
作者: 蘅子    时间: 2012-8-16 21:34:38

本帖最后由 蘅子 于 2012-8-19 13:03 编辑

批改占座

[attach]186967[/attach]

俺初学水平有限，看了楼主的文俺都不知道改哪里— —！感觉已经相当成熟了。
看楼主前面写了那么多，下了些来看，发现真的是下了苦功夫才能达到现在的水平。
学习了不少，谢谢楼主~！
作者: 清心_巧    时间: 2012-8-16 23:01:53

[attach]186729[/attach]
8.15



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