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标题: 【GRE作文互助组】charles的Issue [打印本页]

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-9 11:51:29 标题: 【GRE作文互助组】charles的Issue

本帖最后由 charlesliye 于 2012-9-12 10:07 编辑

61 The following appeared in a memo from a budget planner for the City of Grandview.
"To avoid a budget deficit next year, the City of Grandview must eliminate its funding for the Grandview Symphony.”
Our citizens are well aware of the fact that while the Grandview Symphony Orchestra was struggling to succeed, our city government promised annual funding to help support its programs. Last year, however, private contributions to the Symphony increased by 200 percent, and attendance at the Symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. The Symphony has also announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. Such developments indicate that the Symphony can now succeed without funding from city government and we can eliminate that expense from next year's budget. This action will surely prevent a budget deficit."

The passage give here contains some well-presented arguments, but not well-supported and well-reasoned. While it is may be true that stop the support to for the symphony would reduce the government budget, but the argument is rife with defect and assumptions. For example, the author cites that the increasing of attendance last year, the increased private contribution and the plan to raise the ticket prices. At first sight, this argument is reasonable and veracious, but delves a bit more we realize that the argument does not make a cogent case.
Citing the increased private contribution by 200 percent, the author assumes that the funding for the symphony will be enough. But this is not convincing as it seemed as. For example, perhaps the funding for the symphony is provided by several aspects such as the local government, the state government, the private and so on. In the overall amount of funding, the private only contribute absolutely a minority. Although the percentage appears very large, the absolutely number is still very small, and only a small percent of the total funding. Unless how much of the private contribution is provided, the recommendation is completely unwarranted.
Building on the implication that the attendance at the concerts-in-the park will provide more funding to the symphony the author assume that the symphony will be fully self-supporting. The author cites the announcing of increase in ticket price to support his argument. If all the attendance at the concerts-in-the-park will buy the ticket this may be supported more solid. However, perhaps the tickets are for only few particular concerts and most of them is free. The symphony cannot make much money from the tickets. Even though the all the concerts need tickets, perhaps the tickets price is very low before, and the increase of ticket price just for the increase of cost of the concert. The symphony still cannot earn money from the tickets. Consequently the author fail to answer the crucial question if the symphony will self-supporting from the increased attendance and ticket price. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument’s conclusion.
In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author should answer the question on what extent the private contribution can support the symphony, and if the symphony can be fully self-supporting. Without substantiate evidence about the expense and income of the symphony, the recommendation of cut the funding for the symphony is just an emotional appeal.

作者: 燕鱼小窝 时间: 2012-9-11 20:10:25

不好意思，改完了。
抛砖引玉之见，供楼主参考[attach]189707[/attach]

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-12 00:01:57

本帖最后由 charlesliye 于 2012-9-13 20:48 编辑

[attach]189773[/attach]9-11的issus，欢迎拍！！

12. Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition.

作者: irisyiran 时间: 2012-9-12 20:47:51

[attach]189783[/attach]

批改完了~~~
我得：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... =1450286&extra=

一起加油！

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-13 16:58:58

irisyiran 发表于 2012-9-12 20:47
批改完了~~~
我得：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1450286&extra=

谢谢你啦。我也帮你改。

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-13 17:00:46

2012.9.12 的 Issue作业
19 Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

[attach]189869[/attach]

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-13 20:47:43

2012.9.13
的 Issue作业
63 There is little justification for society to make extraordinary efforts—especially at a great cost in money and jobs—to save endangered animal or plant species.
[attach]189885[/attach]

作者: 燕鱼小窝 时间: 2012-9-13 21:26:20

拙见供参考

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-17 19:08:37

[attach]190238[/attach]
写不好，没灵感，伤不起，求拍拍。

作者: xiuxiudeta 时间: 2012-9-18 11:30:07

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: 殇沫 时间: 2012-9-18 18:34:22

charlesliye 发表于 2012-9-17 19:08
写不好，没灵感，伤不起，求拍拍。

Whenchildren do right things parents should need to praise them, thus they willknow such kind of action is encouraged.中should和need可以删掉一个
when hegrown up改为grows up
Forexample, if a boy helpsa girl to open the door, he would be praised, and then he will know this is theright action and he will become a gentleman when he grown up.这句中would和will有点串，连着的句子用了两个and，是不是可以拆成几句，或者变一下句式。Havingbeen praised, he will know such is the right behavior and may will become agentleman when grows up.
comparewith the good natures应为compared
eat uphis own应为eats up
最后，除了说批评的必要性，还可以说一下忽略错误的后果，这样文章会充实些啦！

一点点意见供参考哦！我没法贴附件只能这样了……

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-18 19:38:52

xiuxiudeta 发表于 2012-9-18 11:30
我看不懂的一个呵呵真不错明白我大赞

明白还是不明白还是明白还是不明白:D

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-18 19:39:25

殇沫发表于 2012-9-18 18:34
Whenchildren do right things parents should need to praise them, thus they willknow such kind of a ...

谢谢啊，我好好研究研究

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-18 21:39:20

[attach]190357[/attach]
绝望了，憋出这么400个字。还有一部分是借鉴的。

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-9-18 21:39:36

本帖最后由 charlesliye 于 2012-9-19 18:20 编辑

[attach]190425[/attach]
手下留情

作者: 草莓Cynthia 时间: 2012-9-20 22:10:33

9.18 以改~！与楼主共勉

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-11-6 19:29:09

顶上来，重新开始

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-11-9 21:15:33

11月9号的！

作文要加油了！！！谢谢！！！

作者: charlesliye 时间: 2012-11-11 10:32:43

[attach]193478[/attach]

作者: Enolate 时间: 2012-11-12 18:26:37

作业批改 11.10
共勉~

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