自己的PS结构:个人故事(Hook)+ 专业定义(Hook)+职业目标(重点)
It was not until my first cathartic crying session at a psychologist’s office when I was nineteen that I realized despite the drawbacks we encounter in our lives, we can overcome them and utilize our experiences and lessons to heal the wounds of many others.(Personal Part) Blending compassion with professional care in the field of social work is a marvelous vehicle for the recognition and reconstruction of the imperfections we may face.(Professional Part) At this point of my life, I strongly desire to pursue a Master of Social Work degree and work to become a licensed social worker in the future. (Career Goal,全文的重点)
3. Body Paragraph 此部分就是将各个学校PS的要求融入到不同的自然段,建议:
1)推荐的逻辑结构是:Why + How
即将自己选择XX专业的理由先写出来,阐明为什么,就需求
然后写出自己有何种能力,说明自己的能力,满足需求
2)每段有且只说明一件事情,一次经历。推荐逻辑结构是:
Argument + Details + Conclusion
XX参加活动 + 活动细节以及体现的能力+ 从中的感悟 (总结全段,开启下文)
下面以自己的PS作为例子:
1)Why 部分
A)个人原因,即Personal,说明自己与其他申请者的不同:
Over the years, I have developed a great interest in human behaviors, particularly those of children and families. (Argument 总起整段)My parents divorced when I was six, and afterwards, I started to spend more time with new kids and different single parents. During this time, I came to realize the impact that families’ and parents’ behaviors have on children’s psychosocial behaviors. (Background 阐述)I witnessed how my older brother went from being a straight-A student to becoming a rebellious teenager due to his biological father’s gambling problem. (反面例子&细节支持)On the other hand, I also witnessed how I, myself, transformed from a girl struggling with an eating disorder and suicidal ideations to a passionate, healthy young woman who loves life through my father’s care and support. (正面例子&细节支持)These personal experiences instilled in me a strong desire to acquire in-depth knowledge of the personal struggles we may face as human beings and as a society, and the ways in which we can help heal the wounds caused by these drawbacks. (从中的感悟和学习,总结了整段,并说明自己想读Master并且是Social Work的原因)
B)专业原因,即Professional,说明自己的专业能力:
Simultaneously, while studying at the best minority university in China, I have developed a deep appreciation for individual diversity and minority heritage through campus life and interacting with students of different nationalities.(Argument总起段落) As an English Literature major, I have cultivated great insight into social and individual interactions through literature analysis. (Background 综合阐述)Studying classical works has expanded my knowledge of the diverse range of human emotions and characteristics, while reading about ethnic minority creation has enriched my understanding of sensitive issues such as race and religion. (细节性描述)Public courses such as Life Education have also introduced me to ways to overcome drawbacks via self-psychological adjustments. All of these unique academic learning experiences have played an important role in influencing me to pursue social work. (继续证明选择SW的原因和能力)
1)WUSTL: Why和How部分,合在一段
The Brown School attracts me most because of its distinguished faculty and highly diverse school environment. (已在(一)中A部分第4点中进行过分析)My social work professor at JSU also spoke very highly of your school’s excellent reputation and strongly suggested me to apply. (这句话就是General Rule,都适用)Taking advantage of your challenging MSW program, I am confident I will cultivate solid theoretical knowledge from your comprehensive curriculum, from my foundation classes to my selected concentration.(课程设置) I will also gain plenty of practical skills through your abundant seminars and internship opportunities, which will help lay a solid foundation for my future career as a licensed social worker. (实习和研究小组)I know that my strong commitment to helping disadvantaged people overcome their problems and aim for their true potential, my excellent academic performance, and my diverse skill sets gained from my previous volunteer and extracurricular experiences would allow me to add great value to your program.(总结能力,但个人认为这里自己总结的不够好,句子过长) Thank you for your kind consideration of my application.
2)UB:Why和How部分,分为两段
(UB和其他学校不同,它之前给发了封邮件,主题为 “Why Choose UB”,其中介绍了许多学校的情况和其特别之处。从这点,而且也从官网PS的Guideline看出,UB其实很强调“为什么选择这所学校”这个问题。为了将其列为重点,正好又在字数范围之内,所以就很详细的用了一个自然段叙述)
The University at Buffalo (UB) School of Social Work (SSW) attracts me most because of its distinguished faculty and highly diverse school environment.(这句写的不太好,一直犹豫要不要删) My social work professor at JSU also spoke very highly of your school’s excellent reputation and strongly suggested me to apply. Taking advantage of your well designed MSW program, I am confident I will cultivate broad-based professional knowledge from your foundation coursework, and deepen my understanding of human rights from your trauma informed evidence-based curriculum.(课程设置。这里可以看到,我用的词和WUSTL不一样,这就是每个学校课程设置的不同) I will also gain plenty of practical skills through your cutting-edged community-focused social work experience, which is exactly what I anticipate most for graduate school. (这里也和WUSTL不一样)Additionally, the research that is rooted in community collaborative partnerships in your school will surely help me acquire more advancing knowledge of social work and related fields, and thus, lay a solid foundation for my future career as a licensed social worker after my graduation.(将学校的Program和自己的Career Goal结合起来) In the same time, from metropolitan sophistication to hometown friendliness, historic settings to contemporary architecture, I believe that the life in Buffalo-Niagara will offer me a unique and impressive outlook of history and diversity for my graduate study. (UB最大的地理优势,这正好与自己本科专业培养的喜好相符)
这段与How的部分有所不一样,因为UB直接明确提出,需要说明自己能为学院和学生带去什么,那么以这部分结尾更合乎逻辑。
For myself, a Chinese student who possesses minority backgrounds and strong culture awareness, I believe that I am able to bring in diversity and innovation to school culture environment. (Diversity通常是国际学生最大的优势)Also, I am confident that my good work ethic as well as passionate and amiable nature will play a positive role in building up strong partnerships and friendships with my fellow students. (除了这个理由,至今还未想出更好的原因去证明自己对students的benefit)Moreover, I know that my strong commitment to helping disadvantaged people overcome their problems and aim for their true potential, my excellent academic performance, and my diverse skill sets gained from my previous volunteer and extracurricular experiences would allow me to add great value to your MSW program. (由于PS要求不同,需要将能力的总结放在这个部分)Thank you for your kind consideration of my application.
B Theme & Tone 主题或语气
1. Theme
很多人包括自己,都问过这样一个问题:PS是感性好呢?还是理性好?
在此有条建议:每个学校对PS的要求不同,
有的学校(通常学校综排很高)对PS的要求比较General,分为A类,比如WUSTL:
Submission of a professional statement that discusses significant factors influencing your decision to pursue a Master in Social Work degree. Your essay should include information regarding career goals and leadership experiences that will contribute to your success as a graduate student and in the social work profession. Please include why the Brown School is a good fit for your educational goals. Essay should be two pages long, single spacing and 12-point font.
有的学校(通常综排一般,专排不错)对PS要求比较Specific,分为B类,比如FSU:
1)Discuss the major reasons for your interest in the profession of social work.
2)Describe any experience that you have had in working in a helping capacity to serve people in either paid or volunteer position. Share the length of time, population, the type of setting and discuss your personal strengths and limitations in these roles.
3)What personal traits and/or abilities do you possess that facilitate your understanding of people with differences in gender, race, ethnicity, religion, disabilities, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status? Give a brief example of your experience with people who are different from you.
4)Discuss a personal or professional situation where you were challenged to look at an issue from another person’s viewpoint. What was the outcome?
下面以修改WUSTL的PS不同时期的开头做个对比:
1)刚开始的感性派开头:
I am a lover of laughter and a companion of endeavor. I look up to everything and down at nothing. My life is a tangled web of emotions, experiences, and externalities, a smorgasbord for the senses. Rejoiced from the sunshine grown out of shattered debris, I have sold my soul to embrace the cactus on my beloved and longing land.
可以看出,开头很含蓄,很文艺,还自认很好,但对于Master,还是需要更理智的写法
2)后续修改为感性+理性派,但文章没有做遣词造句的修改:
Not since I had first volunteer experience in my first year in college did I recognize this fascinating domain amazingly appealed to my compassionate and passionate nature. Social work for me is a perfectly marvelous blend of both compassion and profession. Having overcome the hardships in my life empowers me the courage and determination to make a difference, and longing to professionally bring positive changes for the vulnerable people and society imperfections motivates me to become a qualified licensed social worker in the future.
可以看出,每个句子都非常的长。因为当时自己确定了行文逻辑,但没有来得及在句法上修改。这样长串的句子,让人读起来很不舒服,从一开始就失去了观众。
3)这是在逻辑和遣词造句修改后的最终版:
It was not until my first cathartic crying session at a psychologist’s office when I was nineteen that I realized despite the drawbacks we encounter in our lives, we can overcome them and utilize our experiences and lessons to heal the wounds of many others. Blending compassion with professional care in the field of social work is a marvelous vehicle for the recognition and reconstruction of the imperfections we may face. At this point of my life, I strongly desire to pursue a Master of Social Work degree and work to become a licensed social worker in the future.
自我修改完的感觉是,行文逻辑清晰了很多,而且在遣词造句上也精准了一些。
注:在这里,非常不建议同学找中国的英文老师修改。自己的英语专业,找过外教和Chinese English Teacher,最大差别在于:Chinese English Teacher帮自己改语法,改词语,整个PS都标注了慢慢的记号,但说实话,那本质提高比并不大。因为一些语法和语句,只要自己用心,也完全可以修改。相反,外教不会帮自己改PS,每次只说行文逻辑,并明确指出Chinglish的用法,最重要的是,他们会以真正美式的眼光去判定一篇文章,这或许帮助更大。
从这里隐射出来的问题就是,找怎样的文书修改机构修改?同样的,最好的Native Speaker,而不是权威,资深Chinese English Writer。真正PS的修改,需要的思想,不是语言,因为思想大于语言!