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标题: 求拍砖，有拍必回！issue：if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to [打印本页]

作者: 绚彩迷风 时间: 2013-5-22 22:10:06 标题: 求拍砖，有拍必回！issue：if a goal is worthy, then any means taken to

I cannot stand in line with what the speaker says that any means taken to achieve worthy goals are justifiable. In contemporary society, what we should consider is not only the result, but also the actions that we take. What the speaker says is a little superficial and in this essay, I will outline the following reasons why I do not agree with him.

Admittedly, we should try our best to achieve our valuable goals by diverse kinds of means. The goal is what we longing for, and is our aim. No matter how difficult our goals are, we should do our best, find all kinds of ways, to pursue them. If we do not consider all possible means to achieve them, then maybe we would accomplish nothing. Because we human can always find all kinds of ways to meet our need, then our society has so developed. In this case, it seems that what the speaker says somewhat right.

Nonetheless, that is a little superficial for the speaker does not realize the bad consequence of some means taken to attain goals. We human kind cannot always predict some consequences of some means we take because of the limit of our knowledge. For example, we invent the atomic bombs in order to enforce our security by neglecting the bad consequence of this weapon, as a result of which, we got the adverse consequence that our world is more dangerous than before. We should have found other ways to increase our security rather than inventing damage weapons, and we are responsible for this situation. Therefore not all the means are suitable for our goals.

Additionally, we human are living in a so complex society that almost all of the goals are related with others, so we should obey the social rules and try our best to avoid hurting others. It is the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, black and white, disabled and not disabled, the people who send a message to the questionaire conducted by the professor, Li Shiping, of Northwest A&F University last year; all of these concluded the same result that almost everyone dislike that others' goals could bring them troubles. Therefore what we should do is trying hard not to take some means that bring others "troubles", even though these means are needed for our goals.

From what we analyse above, we know that not all the means are justifiable only if the means themselves are truly useful and not bring others troubles. To achieve a goal, we should consider throughly and insightfully to avoid its side effects.

作者: pandali 时间: 2013-5-22 23:27:58

这篇文章我想简单说一下，如有不当，还望海涵。

1. 作者在各段间的确用了一些副词作为逻辑连接，但是每一段基本上是独立的句子堆砌而成的。读起来缺乏一定的流畅感。比如，我们可以翻译下第二段，“应该承认，我们应该尽可能使用多种手段实现有价值的目标。目标是我们期待的事物也是我们的目的（aim和goal基本上是同义词吧，这句话说的不能体现出goal的价值）。无论我们的目标多困难，我们应该尽可能实现它们。如果我们不想方设法实现它们，那我们可能一事无成。因为我们人类可以竭尽全力满足我们的需求，我们的社会才会发展。在这种情况下，这个观点有一定道理。”这样我们可以很清楚地看出来各个句子虽然有一定关系，但是没有词汇（如however、on the other hand、besides等等）将他们串联起来。

2. 作者第二个问题是论证手段有些缺乏。依然以第二段举例。第二段主要论证的是题目观点的合理性。整个段落虽然是围绕这个问题写的，但是基本上是摆出一些观点或者态度（如“无论我们的目标多困难，我们应该尽可能实现它们。如果我们不想方设法实现它们，那我们可能一事无成。”），却没有深入地探讨这个观点（有没有具体的实例来支撑这个观点？为什么我们“不想方设法实现它们，我们就可能一事无成”？真的是这样吗？我们需要考虑到所有解决方案吗？比如我们可以用铅笔完成书写工作，假如人类没有发明出圆珠笔、钢笔、水笔，我们的社会就无法进步了吗？）。这里我想作者应该深入地考虑一个分论点，不应该简单地将论点陈述出来。

3. 作者整篇文章没有出现拼写错误，但是有一些语言有点问题。如第二段结尾In this case, it seems that what the speaker says somewhat right.这里that从句之后并没有接一个完整的句子。还有that is a little superficial for the speaker does not realize the bad consequence of some means taken to attain goals.第一个that应该换成it。还有文章第一句I cannot stand in line with what the speaker says that any means taken to achieve worthy goals are justifiable. 这里红字部分是不是应该去掉？

作者: 辛小九 时间: 2013-5-23 21:32:26

个人的一些小意见。如有改错请原谅。

作者: 绚彩迷风 时间: 2013-5-24 09:30:42

pandali 发表于 2013-5-22 23:27
这篇文章我想简单说一下，如有不当，还望海涵。

1. 作者在各段间的确用了一些副词作为逻辑连接，但是每一 ...

非常感谢你了，很有用处，我会采纳的~

作者: 绚彩迷风 时间: 2013-5-24 09:31:43

辛小九发表于 2013-5-23 21:32
个人的一些小意见。如有改错请原谅。

很感谢你的意见，我会努力改正的！

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