寄托家园留学论坛

标题: SOP交流帖+義務修改帖（歡迎願意幫忙修改的GTers^ ^） [打印本页]

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-8-15 10:50:55 标题: SOP交流帖+義務修改帖（歡迎願意幫忙修改的GTers^ ^）

本帖最后由 huimie 于 2013-10-14 03:05 编辑

10.5 鑒於目前承諾履行率過低，修改暫停。待最後一位分享修改稿之後再繼續。

————————————
9.8 最近較忙，先說最重要的。

To 願意幫忙的GTer們：請不要大意的舉手吧！如果可以，我們可以做成活動，有徽章拿哦！^ ^

————————
修改內容，SOP/PS（3頁以內，單倍行距，20號字）的文章結構；內容、細節建議。

不修改的內容：語法、用詞，Personal History Statement。

暫定一週一篇，請直接在樓下留言。

接受學科：人文社科暫時不限，但如果你申請職業型的項目，我可能幫不了太多。
國別：美國碩士，如果是英加澳港或美國博士，我的建議參考價值會大大降低，如果你一時找不到人，也可以讓我看看。

要求：
——留言格式：
2013.9.9-16（註明是哪周）
自己的研究方向
SOP/PS的前兩段（不足五行則前三段）
SOP/PS剩餘段落的大致內容
此SOP/PS的終稿日期

——站短&提示：
確定你是本週第一位之後，請站短我帖子鏈接，并在我回覆郵箱地址的24小時內將SOP/PS全文發到我郵箱。（11月之前可以不是SOP/PS全文【鑒於很多人還未完成】，但也請提供儘量多的信息方便修改）
請關注郵箱，如果問題過多，我可能會約QQ聊天等形式，口頭修改。

——第二次修改及回饋（在我發回修改稿的一週之內須完成）：
根據建議修改SOP/PS相關信息，并回帖發佈最新版本（見“留言格式”）。（但勿刪除之前留言的內容）
如果一個星期之內完成修改，可以再次發給我，我會簡單提些建議。

——隨時插樓，和其他GTer探討SOP內容、學校八卦、研究方向……

FAQ:
問：我想請你修改，但SOP涉及私人信息，不想公開可以嗎？
答：建樓的目的之一就是希望在人文版營造良好的討論氛圍，而且前一(兩)段+幾句段落概述能暴露的也有限。如果你願意給committee看，給小米看，給願意幫忙修改的人（比如我），又爲什麽不能給大家看呢？

問：你誰啊，爲什麽能幫我改SOP？
答：曾經申過兩次的悲劇申請者，但寫過兩次SOP還有些經驗。（具體情況請善用GT搜索）在文書寫作中需要請N個（靠譜不靠譜的）人幫忙修改，聽取多方建議。我在時間允許的情況下會很願意幫忙，你也可以考慮。

問：我想請人幫忙修改，但這週的樓已經被人搶了怎麼辦？
答：也可以按照建議格式在樓下留言，如果大家對你的內容感興趣，也會相互討論并提些建議的。如果你是宋史或社會史、思想史、醫學史方向，也可以給我發郵件，我如果還有時間，至少能給些大概建議。
——————————
8.15
有事出門，先挖坑，回來填土。

作者: akatsuki1989 时间: 2013-8-16 07:47:53

前排支持！

这个活动蛮有意义的，尤其如果能有同专业的同学互相修改，就更加好了！

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-9 09:11:18

zd

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-9-9 10:41:46

本帖最后由 blueskynoble 于 2013-9-9 21:38 编辑

2013年9 9-16
研究方向中国思想史（特别是史学思想史）或者宋史（特别是宋代笔记）
申请 PHD
说明一点我想申请东亚系所以这里参杂了表达对文学热爱的东西
还有斑竹前三段太少了很多东西感觉不能包括在前三段所以尽量多的贴出来了同时也希望众多版友多给我提意见
对斑竹表示歉意您如果嫌多就按您的标准忽略后面的就好

   My earliest interest towards literature and history came from an ordinary tape of Tang Poetry.  The content of tape was not elegant intoning but cheerful reading from Children. However, even though read by  children who know nothing about the inner emotion of the poem, the musicality of Chinese classical poem make the tape sound rhythmic and beautiful. From then on, I gradually increased my love to literature and the historical story behind it.

   As a student of science(in China, especially in rural area where I born, students of science is usually considered to be much more clever and promising than their counterparts who study liberal arts, which was the reason that compelled me to choose to study science) in high school, I often hid a piece of paper under my textbook on which I written my immature but rhythmic poems.  Owning to this behavior, I was, frequently, laughed by my classmates. Actually, they often associated poet with madness. However, it did not, and could not, destroy my dream to be a literati.

   Consequently,  I chose Publishing and editing, as a branch of journalism, as my major in my college, which is the only major that I, as a student of science,  can choose to pursue humanistic knowledge. My choice, as might be expected, was strongly opposed by my families. But in this time I did not make any concession. During my college life, through taking tremendous time and energy to read Chinese classical poems and articles, I gradually became a man of great learning. In fact, I started up our own class and grade newspaper and became the only chief editor of it.

   Meanwhile, together with other lovers of literature, I run a newspaper distributed all over our university which have more than 50,000 students. My articles, concerning literature, history or current events, frequently were considered to be the highlights of our newspapers. Moreover, I, with the help of some close friends of mine, found a student forum in which we invited college students and ordinary people to talk their own opinions about employment, literature or current events. I still remember how exciting I am, when our forum was held in college. And also I am very pity for the fact that it doesn’t last after my graduation.

   Thanks to the hard work during my college life, I am , successfully, admitted by  the graduate school, Beijing Normal university and became a student of Department of History of this school, which, undoubtedly, is one of the most distinguished History Departments in China. During this period, I receive a prize named after a well-known historian, Bai Shouyi, for my historical paper. And I shared the first place with another classmates after all courses in graduate school. What you should know is that most, if not all, other students majored in history during their undergraduate life. At the same time, I also participated into many extracurricular activities and I was awarded as an outstanding member of the Student Union.

   What’s more important, I found the academic fields which I would really like to devote my whole life to struggle for. One of them is to study the masterworks of Chen Yinque 陈寅恪, a great historian in modern China, especially his poem. My reasons are following. First, whenever I read his articles or poems, I can feel his deep love for Chinese culture. I tend to consider him to be the man who share the equivalent passion for Chinese culture with Wang Guowei 王国维, who actually laid down his life for it. Second,  I admire him for his“spirit of independence and freedom of thought““独立之精神，自由之思想” that, undeniably, is the most precious treasure he gave to Chinese scholars.  During 1966 to 1976 in China，he was one of the few, if not the only, scholars who never yielded to the political pressure and held their love and faith of Chinese civilization. Last but not least, his work is one of the most insightful and charming masterpieces in modern China. And due to the pressure of politic and his profound erudition, his true ideas and thoughts are frequently hidden behind the sophisticated or crafty lines of his works. When I read his books, it can give me the pleasure of inquiry.

   The other academic field I want to study is the novels and notes, or Xiaoshuo Biji, written in Song Dynasty especially those notes or records about urban life, like Dongjing Meng Hua Lu(A Record of Dreaming of Hua in the Eastern Capital), Meng Liang Lu(A Record of the Dream of Bianliang), Ducheng Jisheng(A record of the prosperous Capital) . The civilization of Song was believed to be the peak of Chinese civilization by many scholars like Yan Fu, Wang Guowei, Chen Yinque, Deng Guangming and so on. It is also universally acknowledged that Song exerted a profound influence on the formation of character of contemporary Chinese people.  Meantime,  under the stimulus of vigorous development of economic,  a great number of humanities, like historiography, literature and philosophy, presented a picture of prosperity.  All of them enriched the spirit of people living in that time and make them enjoy more freedom and happiness than their forebears, even than most of their descendents. In light of all discussion above, through studying the history and literature of Song Dynasty, we can derive enormous benefits and instructions. Novels and notes written in Song, undoubtedly, have the dual nature of history and literature. Taking them as a cutting point, it is easy for me to have a thorough understanding about the Chinese civilization, no matter in the ancient time or in the modern age.

   In short, I hold the opinion that knowledge I gained from journalism gave the constant attention towards current events and responsibility towards my country. My love of literature provide me with a kind and righteous heart. Finally, the courses I learned during my graduate life, help me develop the ability of scrutinizing the text and critical thinking. Moreover, it enable me to keep a peaceful and tolerant attitude towards different, even completely opposite, viewpoints and ideology.

   As a result of my interests in history and literature, I would like to further and expand my studies and gain a much wider knowledge on Chinese civilization. The particular course provide by you esteemed school means that I will be given the chance to spread my studies across literature and history, even philosophy. My main reason for choosing this university is because of many distinguished scholars, like Hoyt Tilman, Stephen H. West, who work on it. What’s more crucial, the academic field I would like to pursue is very close related to that of them.

   I am convinced that the advanced training in your established graduate program will help develop me into a successful professional in my chosen field. I can imagine that, with the international perspective and professional expertise developed at your university, I will be best assisted in bringing my tremendous potential into full play in my future efforts to blaze new trails in the virtually unlimited future world.

作者: akatsuki1989 时间: 2013-9-9 11:03:36

个人的一点建议，假如是申请phd的话，前面个人的anecdote没有任何必要。本科专业，与其解释为何这么选择，不如说你的专业为你未来的历史研究起了什么作用，比如the ability of scrutinizing the text，后来历史研究生的学习，也没必要提奖项之类，如果那篇文章很好，不如说说写了什么内容。东亚系的老师对史家都很熟悉，所以没必要做背景介绍。可以直入主题，将自己的研究计划(这部分恰恰是最重要、也应该是篇幅最长的。在谈研究计划时，可以讲讲自己的qualification对相关literature的了解以及最重要的即是计划的framework，然后再结合对方学校来写。
以上是个人的一点浅见。

作者: 星落尼罗河 时间: 2013-9-9 11:20:52

akatsuki1989 发表于 2013-9-9 11:03
个人的一点建议，假如是申请phd的话，前面个人的anecdote没有任何必要。本科专业，与其解释为何这么选择，不 ...

在理

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-9 12:11:13

blueskynoble 发表于 2013-9-9 10:41
2013年9 9-16
研究方向中国思想史（特别是史学思想史）或者宋史（特别是宋代笔记）
申请 PHD

我的聯繫方式已經發到你的郵箱，發給我全文即可。可以根據akatsuki的建議先修改一部份。^ ^

PS：非常開心你願意發佈全文，我的本意是提供糾結SOP的GTer們一點想法上的引導和討論的契機。只要貼出前幾段+之後段落的概述，我就會修改全文的。

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-9-9 14:08:40

huimie 发表于 2013-9-9 12:11
我的聯繫方式已經發到你的郵箱，發給我全文即可。可以根據akatsuki的建議先修改一部份。^ ^

PS：非常開 ...

全文还没写完我就把上面的发给您行吗谢谢斑竹

我刚开始没看清楚斑竹的要求

又看了一遍觉得好周全斑竹非常细心

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-9-9 14:13:59

akatsuki1989 发表于 2013-9-9 11:03
个人的一点建议，假如是申请phd的话，前面个人的anecdote没有任何必要。本科专业，与其解释为何这么选择，不 ...

额前面的anecdote 用处是不大但是看到所有的PS 都有包括当然我是可以删去它的谢谢建议

起作用什么作用的一段放下下面了和硕士阶段的放在一起说了

奖项的论文就是我的第一一个研究方向我还准备用它写WS 这里只是提一下而已您没有发现这是我唯一提到的奖吗事实是没得过其他奖....一个都不提岂不是暴漏实情了。。。

关于背景介绍我只写了陈的一个伟大的历史学家。。。我要删去吗

研究计划下面开始写谢谢提醒

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-11 07:27:36

本週修改結束。突然想到一個大家可能忽略的tip：
我們希望敘述著自己的故事，但對於審閱者或committee來說：they simply don’t care

另，結構方面或許可以參考我的SOP。

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-9-11 13:29:54

huimie 发表于 2013-9-11 12:04
查收邮件即可。

斑竹您确定发了？我的邮箱是blueskynoble@163.com

作者: agneslu 时间: 2013-9-12 01:16:13

好活动！我其实也想过搞个传媒之类的修改讨论呢，可以帮忙一起改传媒类的PS

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-12 12:01:57

blueskynoble 发表于 2013-9-11 13:29
斑竹您确定发了？我的邮箱是

我直接回复的你的邮件。
你再看看垃圾箱，如果没有，我明天再发一遍。

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-12 12:02:15

agneslu 发表于 2013-9-12 01:16
好活动！我其实也想过搞个传媒之类的修改讨论呢，可以帮忙一起改传媒类的PS

赞瓜哥~~也开楼吧！

作者: agneslu 时间: 2013-9-15 00:30:07

huimie 发表于 2013-9-12 12:02
赞瓜哥~~也开楼吧！

好啊好啊等着一阵忙完就试试

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-17 11:13:02

blueskynoble 发表于 2013-9-9 10:41
2013年9 9-16
研究方向中国思想史（特别是史学思想史）或者宋史（特别是宋代笔记）
申请 PHD

二次修改完畢。
如果你根據意見修改完成，可以回帖留下最新的SOP哦~

作者: Chengfucius 时间: 2013-9-18 02:05:18

2013.9.17-24（註明是哪周）
自己的研究方向东亚
SOP/PS的前兩段（不足五行則前三段）
SOP/PS剩餘段落的大致內容
此SOP/PS的終稿日期

前两段
Jacob Grimm, a renowned jurist as well as a beloved editor of fairy tales, states that “Dasz recht und poesie miteinander aus einem bette aufgestanden waren, hält nicht schwer zu glauben(That law and poetry rise together from one bed is not difficult to believe)” (8). Law is a recurring subject in literature, largely because it is able to produce the quality of drama that the latter craves. Legal scenes, consistently tense, bring conflicts into focus and go to the core of any issue; therefore, when I intend to examine the social realities in late-imperial Chinese vernacular novels, I choose to adopt the legal approach.

Rejecting the simplistic views that either reduce law to a set of rules impervious to human interference, or equal it to a mirror of class interests, James Boyd White, in The Legal Imagination, sees law as “an enormously rich and complex system of thought and expression, of social definitions and practices…a language…[that] structures sensibility and vision” (xiii). As a result, he advises that legal plots in literary texts be analyzed, in that such endeavors will be able to reveal those unstated assumptions that underpin our society. While agreeing with him, I would take one step further and propose that it is even more enlightening and urgent to study the legal blunders in great literary works; the fact that, consciously or unconsciously, the author is willing to risk the authenticity and relatability of her work and the fact that such inaccuracies are at least tolerated suggest that those legal aberrations are consistent with deeply hidden social structures and can reveal previously unsuspected realities.

剩下的研究的大体方向一个小的literature review 然后自己的背景咯

我不知道截稿日期是神马--

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-9-18 18:13:12

huimie 发表于 2013-9-17 11:13
二次修改完畢。
如果你根據意見修改完成，可以回帖留下最新的SOP哦~

恩好的正在修改第二遍改完一定发上来

谢谢斑竹

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-20 12:16:02

Chengfucius 发表于 2013-9-18 02:05
2013.9.17-24（註明是哪周）
自己的研究方向东亚
SOP/PS的前兩段（不足五行則前三段）

Done~非常成熟的結構了。期待成熟的修改稿^ ^

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-20 12:18:01

發現一種可能傾向，爲了顯示自己了解學界（和學界有聯繫），有時會列舉諸多書名人名。如果不是該校教授，可以適當刪減，或將之集中在1-2段（literature review），SOP最好多談談自己的想法、研究。

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-27 03:36:04

Chengfucius 发表于 2013-9-18 02:05
2013.9.17-24（註明是哪周）
自己的研究方向东亚
SOP/PS的前兩段（不足五行則前三段）

別忘了及時上傳更新哦。

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-9-27 03:36:19

blueskynoble 发表于 2013-9-18 18:13
恩好的正在修改第二遍改完一定发上来谢谢斑竹

期待ing~

作者: blueskynoble 时间: 2013-10-3 11:22:54

最新修改的

My love of Chinese literature extends back as far as I can remember. One of my most vivid memories from my high school days is of me simultaneously writing poetry in class while trying to hide it from my teachers. The poems that I scribed were undoubtedly immature in construction, but they were original. The feeling of pride that swells after creating something out of nothing but one’s own thoughts is incredibly rewarding.
It was my love of writing and of literature that led me into the fields of journalism and publishing during my undergraduate studies at *** University. I believe that one only gets into these fields for the purest love of vocation, as the world is constantly telling advocates of literature, history, and other realms in the arts how difficult it is becoming to make our way in this chosen profession.
My academic performance was rather humdrum, consistently finishing middle of the field in my subjects and achieving a GPA of 3.29. I strongly believe that this mediocrity was not due to a lack of knowledge or effort on my part but instead a shortage of inspiration. While the material covered in class was adequate, we were not challenged to question and debate, to analyze compositions to the fullest. What is the point of literature and the written word if not to generate healthy discussion?

作者: huimie 时间: 2013-10-5 13:36:03

鑒於目前承諾履行度過低，暫停修改。

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)