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标题: issue88 目前已经成为作文版历史性纪录的超火爆讨论... [打印本页]
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 01:30:46     标题: issue88~~终于写完了~~~大家来拍啊~~~

各位GGJJ 偶又写了一篇新的 在另外一个小贴上 大家踊跃去拍啊~~~~谢谢~~~




和sunshine讨论了两天 也去看了看feier的帖子
和各位的建议
但是写起来还是~~~ :(
和我纸上谈兵时的夸夸其辞比
有点丢人 :o



issue 88

"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the social custom and ethics.

Generally speaking, it is the trends of social perspective that technology exercises enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolutionary occurring in Britain in the eighteenth century, women were not allowed to work or study outside their houses apart from some comparatively enlightened places; yet waves of women went into spinneries to work as cotton spinner in the late decade of that century after the jenny were universally ultimate in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored, causing feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women. Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination, the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine.

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs, can determine the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer an opportunity to mankind to develop human society, and form variable custom and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology. Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe; of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology, has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."

As mentioned in the last paragraph, social custom and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today.

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures. Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.

请大家一定往死里批~~~~~~
作者: midamida    时间: 2004-1-19 08:24:55     标题: Re: issue88~~终于写完了~~~大家来拍啊~~~

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the the social custom and ethics.这个跳跃的有点大吧,比如说我能作用于一个大的事物,但不能说我能作用于其中的一个方面,所以我觉得有个过度才好.
道德道德道德
我想到的例子也是clone的,还有没有什么好例子呀[/B]
作者: lq8186    时间: 2004-1-19 11:14:45     标题: 希望大家互相修改，共同进步：）

issue 88

"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the social custom and ethics.

Generally speaking, it is the trends of social perspective that technology exercises enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolutionary occurring in Britain in the eighteenth century, women were not allowed to work or study outside their houses apart from some comparatively enlightened places; yet waves of women went into spinneries to work as cotton spinner in the late decade of that century after the jenny were universally ultimate in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment(这个词betterment用得好，向你学习) of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored, causing feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women（这里traditional attitude···有问题，和前面的campaign for 接不上）. Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination, the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine.

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom(s) and ethics.（感觉还是不要提这个问题的好，因为后面并没有完全解决到底是不是human 决不决定customs的问题） Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs, can determine the trends technology will follow.（加个however，要不然，前后转折不明显，至少我看了半天） Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer(s) an opportunity to mankind to develop human society, and form variable custom(s) and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology. Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe; of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist.（从without开始，这几个例子好像与customs没有关系吧） One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology, has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."

As mentioned in the last paragraph, social custom(s) and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research(es) and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today.

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures. Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.(好深奥！！既然说custom<bank>不能control technology,那为什么又在倒数第二段说custom 影响technology，并且没有保留的说。是不是矛盾？)

请大家一定往死里批~~~~~~

文章开头论点说technology的决定作用，
又说而后面提到human对technology的影响,之后转仍然证明technology的决定作用，其中对于human对technology的影响的否定不太清晰
最后又说custom对technology的影响,好像与中心technology的决定作用相悖阿！！

以上只是我的一点看法。
希望大家互相修改，共同进步：）
作者: fortitudesag    时间: 2004-1-19 11:46:57

Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the social custom and ethics.

Generally speaking, it is the trends(为什么用复数，给个理由) of social perspective that technology exercises enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolutionary occurring in Britain in the eighteenth century, women were not allowed to work or study outside their houses apart from some comparatively enlightened places; yet waves of women went into spinneries to work(这两个词去掉) as cotton spinner in the late decade of that century after the jenny were universally ultimate(这个词我查过金山词霸，每看见当表语的情况，你见过？) in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment(这两个词有什么区别？如果你觉得一样的话省略好了) of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be(太绝对了，现在还不能实现呢，加上in great measurement好点，显得逻辑完整) ignored, causing(这个动词的主语是谁，如果不是主句主语，那可就是错误用法了，如果是的话，意思可就反了) feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women(并列部分的第三个与前两个相反，你可是用的as well as). Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination(形容词怎和名词并列，还要注意surprising 和 surprised 不同啊，这里用那一个？), the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine(过去的情况用imagine不好吧，imagine多用于将来).例子举了不少，也很好，可是你忘了举例子是要干什么！支持原论点啊！一些不该省略的大家都公认的assumption，显得coherence不强。适当的作一些summary，用imong的coherence文章的方法，使自己的论证强起来，可不要有理说不出啊！

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. (后面这个词太弱，一般用于说自己的缺陷，不适合提出本段的TS，建议换)Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs, can determine the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras(为什么复数，理由？) human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer(前面的那个可是三单，后面的那个倒是和这个相同，但是两个都与主语不配) an opportunity to mankind to develop human society(提供人类发展人类社会的机会，什么话，至少不是中国和美国话，别的我没学过), and form variable custom and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology(form的主语是谁，写到这你是不是忘了，和according to后面的内容不相融). Without technology of navigation, (用个for instance好点，显得coherence，)most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were(过去式？为什么？) the center in the universe; of industry, millions of women might never ever(这两个词一起用，我没见过) get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology, (为什么用逗号，has好象是原配的谓语)has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."

As mentioned in the last(last是指最后一段吗，如果指前一段用earlier 或 above好不？) paragraph, social custom and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. （challenge好象是restrict的后果，不象是原因。）Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today. 后一个例子我看你都不能肯定，怎么好用来支持论点，另外restrict有问题。

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures(是倒装吗？如果是，preserve好象这里当及物动词用，缺宾语；如果不是，主语在哪？). Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.太深奥了，我没看懂这个analogy的相似点。解释一下给我，方便的话。




我可是用7分的标准给你改的， 啊！好过瘾！不好意思！小mm不要哭噢！不要去imong那儿告状噢！
你是上周排行榜的第二名，公开表扬，继续努力！
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 13:02:43

不会不会
呵呵 我这个人的观点总是~本来就很那个什么~~~
不过可能是偶真的太小了 HOHO~~~~~~

however
偶还是坚持偶自己的观点
就是科技决定一切~~~
觉得自己有点科学疯子frankenstein的感觉~~~~~~
呵呵

谢谢楼上所有的人
偶 :D 还来不及的说~~~~~~~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 13:38:33     标题: 接下来逐一向各位提问~~~~

最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]Para1.例子有问题呀！据我所知，是因为战争消耗了绝大部分劳动力（就是男的死了太多  ），社会（更确切地说应该是家庭）要求女子出来工作养家糊口。不是因为科技进步吧？！（《飘》就是以这个为背景的）. 然后，妇女认识到她们跟男的有相同的能力差，应该赋予同等的权利和待遇。才掀起了妇女解放运动。(思嘉就很会赚钱而且享受到了竞争的乐趣，所以她不甘心缩在家庭的羽翼下，屡屡挑战南方社会的传统和惯例)

para2. ts: Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving.也很有问题的说，lq8186说的对我就不复述了。

Para3.你提到文化对科技的约束.但有没有想到，科技是为人服务的呢？如果克隆真的，抑或只有可能，带来灾难。 还是少碰为妙---这也是当今政界，学术界的主流看法。你要反驳这个观点，恐怕得高高段才行。
[/B]


第一点 我说的是欧洲大陆在18世纪工业革命的时候, 在美国事实上南北战争发生在1861到1865之间 也就是19世纪 那个时候女人在棉纺业的工作地位已经成为定局 而且鉴于美国和英国以及欧洲大陆本身的状况不同(美国以前是"蛮夷"之地) 事实上在当年美国 generally speaking 大部分的MM和婆婆们 只不过人家是黑MM 都是要工作的说哦~~~~所以 如果单纯用战争来解释 好象说不通哦
另外 妇女解放运动事实上是兴起于19世纪末和20世纪初 也不是sunshine说的飘的时代哦 而且 女生为什么可以意识到她们同样有能力有权利去争取平等的地位和福利 就是因为科技的发展 使得天生女生体力上的嬴弱不再是制约女生发挥才能的工具(因为 说实话 掌握经济控制权的人 才可以掌握社会的主导地位 我认为哦)
呵呵 因为so猫自己超级喜欢飘的说 所以 呵呵 那段历史学的特别清楚的说哦

第二点我还没有看完 等一下  :o

第三点 我的确是认为科技是为人服务的 但这是短时间内的看法 从长远看来说实话 我真的认为 那个(不要打我) 科技的发展势头人为是根本控制不了的 就说关于克隆 我以前打算念生物的时候 自己看了很多这方面的书 事实上现在虽然几乎所有的国家和政府都是严厉禁止克隆的 但这项工作仍然在继续的进行中 而且一旦它技术成熟到一定阶段的时候 很多科学家都预言说 它改变人类的生活这一定势是不可改变的~~~人类也会被迫接受这个事实~~~不知道sunshine以前看过一篇科幻叫做天道没有 呵呵 我觉得我受这个影响很深 其实人原来一直都认为 违反天道(这个词 我翻成的是nature law 但我不知道怎么样可以翻译的更好) 是邪恶的 会招致上帝报复的 可是现在还不是N多人买转基因的食物 和人造的黄油 转基因现在因为技术的不成熟导致很多问题 所以还处在开发观望中 而人造黄油 现在还不是N多人吃的HAPPY的半死~~~~

好啦 期待和sunshineJJ(我有理由相信你比我大 ;) ) 继续探讨下去
好好玩哦~~~

呵呵 我发现我真的是科学怪人~~~~~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 13:48:39     标题: 轮到提问midamida罗~~

最初由 midamida 发布
[B][QUOTE最初由 so猫 发布
Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the the social custom and ethics.这个跳跃的有点大吧,比如说我能作用于一个大的事物,但不能说我能作用于其中的一个方面,所以我觉得有个过度才好.
道德道德道德
我想到的例子也是clone的,还有没有什么好例子呀[/B]


来回引用的有点头晕了的说~~ :(
恩 关于跳跃的说法 有道理~~~
至于ethics 我查过字典 其实没有我们想的那么深奥 要是深奥成一门学科 就是ethnics啦 呵呵
科学界应该有很多这样的例子呀 比如我还说的最早的试管婴儿 后来的转基因食品(以后也难说是不是就只有食品)  还有医学里面的新药开发时的人体实验和动物实验 物理学里面的核物质的研究和使用 还有偶们化学里面的改变天然物质的结构(以前这被视做天理不容的哦) 呵呵 暂时就只能想到这么多啦~~~~
midamida凑合用吧~~~~~

好啦两篇长的回来再仔细研究 偶出去玩了的说~~~
再次谢谢楼上除了我自己的所有的人~~~~~~~ :D
作者: genie05    时间: 2004-1-19 17:17:25

"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Taking a brief glance at (the?) history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge, has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic(怎么看着这个句子都不舒服，罗嗦) that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly（是WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANTLY 还是用AND？）, determine the social custom and ethics.

Generally speaking, it is the trends （？是复数吗？）of social perspective that technology exercises（如果没有理解错的话，你这里是 EXAERCISE。。。INFLUENCE ON STH。吧，没有见过这个搭配，请教？） enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolutionary occurring in Britain in the eighteenth century, women were not allowed to work or study outside their houses apart from some comparatively enlightened places（这个限制不错）; yet waves of women went into spinneries to work as cotton spinner in the late decade of that century after the jenny were universally ultimate（？这个用法对吗？） in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored,（现在在某种意义上男女区别还是很大的吧？不支持这样写，加个限制） causing feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women. Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination,(chinglish!) the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine.(罗嗦)（关于例子的问题，你们前面写了很多我就不说了，不过不知道是我没理解好还是你的叙述不清楚，汗ING）

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs,(为什么要这个标点？) can determine the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras human history covers（EARS 。。。COVERS？这个错误不该犯吧！）, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer（？注意主语）an opportunity to mankind to develop human society, and form variable custom and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology（这个句子已经乱了）. Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe（？这个是怎么推出来的？）; of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window（？看电视就可以了吧？和工业有关吗）; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology,（这个标点又是在干什么？） has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."

As mentioned in the last paragraph, social custom and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today.

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures. Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.



SO猫，看得出你很喜欢写长句，不过在没有把握的情况下，慎用啊。
不知道你是习惯还是故意的，几乎每段开头都是IT IS。。。。强调句型，换换吧。:)
改的人多，我就只看了前面一点。呵呵。
+U+U
作者: imong    时间: 2004-1-19 18:40:30

哎呀呀，大家掐so猫掐得这么开心啊，已经有5个人上场了（中间还包括两个斑竹~）~~
:rolleyes: 这么热闹的场面怎么能拉下我呢，我这就来！ :D  :D

等着，两个小时之后把这个水帖补进内容（嘻嘻，学习sunshine的说）

好，我来说两句。语言方面其实有很多地方都要改进，不过我脑袋上面的几位都已经搞得那么充分了，我干脆来说说论述的问题。

第一段的例子和论点不错，主要说技术exert enormous influence on customs/ethics，不足是收尾的时候缺点儿东西，而且中间有个别不够流畅的句间衔接。

第二段的话开始出问题，首先，你说了problem can be araised，然后提到是不是determine，然后又有个Admittedly，我看到这里以为你要充分辨析determine和influence的不同，然后对着题目来个大逆转，结果到后面死活找不到跟Admittedly对应的信号（However，yet，but，nevertheless，..），不得不反复看半天，然后发现这段话有点奇怪，刚开始你说的是problem在于是人还是技术determine custom，然后下一句话跑到了custom determine 技术？这个未免夸张。这个段落我看得很费解，现在也搞不懂你说的是什么。

第三段则是一会儿是技术determine custom，一会儿是vice versa，而且缺乏一个结论性的东西，你的意思是到底谁determine谁？

问题就这么多。目前已经有六个人动过手了（看看能不能突破作文版有史以来的单篇动手人数纪录？），我觉得是不是把意见综合一下写个新的出来？要是能给掐出一篇6分范文来那可是件大喜事。
作者: genie05    时间: 2004-1-19 19:11:20

倒。IMONG，你￥￥%……￥……了点吧。 :p
作者: imong    时间: 2004-1-19 20:21:46

btw，补充一句：开头段里面的Moreover是承接两句话的关键词，可是这里应该用Moreover吗？

我并没有明确的答案和看法，这个问题仅供参考。

对了，掐得这么火爆，没理由不标精啊~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 21:52:51     标题: 我回来了呀~~~~~

回来看到斑竹和牛人们都在争先"捏"so猫呀~~~~
难怪so猫在外边happy的时候总是打喷嚏~~~~~
先水水到这里 马上开工继续跟各位理论~~~
科学怪猫咪 is coming~~~~
先发一水帖 马上给灌入有用的东东~~


To sunshine: 呵呵 偶的年龄呀 在这里呢 反正大部分人我都是要喊GGJJ的 也不保留了 偶大二19岁 呵呵
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 22:17:39     标题: 给lq8186~~~~

最初由 lq8186 发布
[B]Due to the development and betterment(这个词betterment用得好，向你学习) of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored, causing feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women（这里traditional attitude···有问题，和前面的campaign for 接不上）.

Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe; of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist.（从without开始，这几个例子好像与customs没有关系吧）

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures. Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.(好深奥！！既然说custom<bank>不能control technology,那为什么又在倒数第二段说custom 影响technology，并且没有保留的说。是不是矛盾？)

文章开头论点说technology的决定作用，
又说而后面提到human对technology的影响,之后转仍然证明technology的决定作用，其中对于human对technology的影响的否定不太清晰

最后又说custom对technology的影响,好像与中心technology的决定作用相悖阿！！[/B]


第一 我认为所有的custom都不应该加s，是custom变成复数是海关的意思 呵呵
第二 我不认为我第一段说的是human对technology的影响 相反 正是technology对human的影响 而我也不认为technology影响和决定是矛盾的 影响和决定的区别 在我看来 其实是多和少的区别 影响较小也较间接 而决定是一个直接的较大的因素 用数学上的语言来说 就是 决定包含影响 而影响包含于决定 呵呵
第三 关于我body中间的第二段的“从without开始，这几个例子好像与customs没有关系吧” 我个人是这样理解custom的 其实就是一个社会普遍承认或认可的行为 再说白一点 就是 一个社会里面大部分人做的行为或者所持有的态度 就是custom（当然 吃饭睡觉这些个不能算呀）所以我觉得我的例子没有那么大的矛盾
最后 关于custom影响tech的原因 论题里面说了是tech影响且决定custom 并没有说custom不能反作用于tech 我这样说事实上就是一种客观的评价呀 我看不出有很大问题啊？！楼主可不可以多指教一点呢

至于我提到的最后一段的例子 乃是写到最后的灵感所至 我这个人比较喜欢写比喻句 呵呵 没有什么深奥的地方~~~
作者: Delia    时间: 2004-1-19 22:17:53     标题: I am new in both writing and revising

issue 88

"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

Taking a brief glance at history of human existence, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that technology, defined as the application of science and knowledge,(science is partial of human knowledge) has played an important role in bringing transformation and improvement to society. Moreover, I agree with the above saying in the topic that technology should be regarded as a determinative factor which not only influence but also, and more importantly, determine the social custom and ethics.

Generally speaking, it is the trends of social perspective that technology exercises enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind. Before the Industrial Revolutionary occurring in Britain in the eighteenth century, women were not allowed to work or study outside their houses apart from some comparatively enlightened places; yet waves of women went into spinneries to work as cotton spinner in the late decade of that century after the jenny were universally ultimate in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored, causing feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women. Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination, the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine.（only one example is inefficient to prove “determine”, it is still INFLUENCE, quick conclusion）

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs, can determine(indicate) the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, (What if the term PRODUCTIVE LABOR? Technology, essentially, is the tool applied to accelerate manufacture.) offer an opportunity to mankind to develop human society, and form variable custom and ethics (The original custom and ethics is formed by technology? What came first in human history?) according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology. (developed with the ever renewed technologies) Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe(but of science discovery?); of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window(How to explain feminie clan?) of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology, has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."(Tautology, meaningless)

As mentioned in the last paragraph, social custom and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today.(These make sense. You see, through all above I can draw a conclusion that technology and human custom and ethics are interacting, interinfluencing.)

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization( and cultures). Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.(That’s new, but I donnot agree.)
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-19 23:45:40     标题: 给fortitudesag~~~~~

红色的部分是建议
黑色的是我的看法和修改
因为是一起 所以里面不乏有点水水的成分
原谅的说~~~~~~~

Generally speaking, it is the trends(为什么用复数，给个理由)
说实话我不知道单数复数的区别 是乱用的~~~~（不要打我 我一定改正）

were universally ultimate(这个词我查过金山词霸，每看见当表语的情况，你见过？)
抱歉 这个是笔误 应该是被动语态的

in the factory around Europe. Due to the development and betterment(这两个词有什么区别？如果你觉得一样的话省略好了)
有区别吧 发展 完善 意思不一样呀？！

of the equipment, in the early twenties, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be(太绝对了，现在还不能实现呢，加上in great measurement好点，显得逻辑完整)
恩 这点我严重同意 其实写的时候我自己都底气不足 所以用的是ignore不是elimitate~~~

ignored, causing(这个动词的主语是谁，如果不是主句主语，那可就是错误用法了，如果是的话，意思可就反了)
主语是difference啊 难道不对？！（汗~~~~~）

feminism campaign all over the world for sexual equality and personality liberation as well as the traditional attitude toward women(并列部分的第三个与前两个相反，你可是用的as well as).
这个 的确是我自己的问题 没有话要说~~~~

Nowadays in this nation, women rushing for offices can be seen everywhere without surprising and discrimination(形容词怎和名词并列，还要注意surprising 和 surprised 不同啊，这里用那一个？)
呀 我怎么这么猪头呀 surprise~~~~~才对呀~~~~~

, the scene of which is very different from that of the early last century we could imagine(过去的情况用imagine不好吧，imagine多用于将来).例子举了不少，也很好，可是你忘了举例子是要干什么！支持原论点啊！一些不该省略的大家都公认的assumption，显得coherence不强。适当的作一些summary，用imong的coherence文章的方法，使自己的论证强起来，可不要有理说不出啊
这个 恩 我一定努力改正

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. (后面这个词太弱，一般用于说自己的缺陷，不适合提出本段的TS，建议换)
哪个词有缺陷呀？！determine吗？！

Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs, can determine the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras(为什么复数，理由？)
因为是考虑到有很多个不同的era呀 分不同的社会阶段和历史阶段呀（难道这个都用错了~~~555~~~我真是猪女啊~~~）

human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer(前面的那个可是三单，后面的那个倒是和这个相同，但是两个都与主语不配)
啊~~~~我竟然没有发现这个错误~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~（请上帝原谅我~~~）

an opportunity to mankind to develop human society(提供人类发展人类社会的机会，什么话，至少不是中国和美国话，别的我没学过)
我自己都忘记了这句话是怎么从我的大脑里面蹦出来的了
修改一下 offers a suitable circumstance for mankind to develop human society and civilization
好一点了吧 应该~~~~~~~

, and form variable custom and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology(form的主语是谁，写到这你是不是忘了，和according to后面的内容不相融).
form的主语是tech呀 恩？！ 是有问题的说~~~~~~
改正：and form variable custom and ethics according to different levels and destinations of technology
还是感觉怪怪的其实~~

Without technology of navigation, (用个for instance好点，显得coherence，)
是 小的明白

most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were(过去式？为什么？)
因为是过去的belief啊~~~~~~（难道又错了？！5555~~~~~~）

the center in the universe; of industry, millions of women might never ever(这两个词一起用，我没见过)
呵呵 反正口语里面有这样的说法 比如
-Will u marry me?!
-Never ever~~~
HOHO~~不过不知道可不可以用在书面里面哦~~~

get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology, (为什么用逗号，has好象是原配的谓语)has determined the social system and human ideology in the past time, and it will do in the future."
是本来要加一个同位语的 后来又不想加了 但是忘记把逗号弄掉
谢谢你 连这么小的地方都给指出来了

As mentioned in the last(last是指最后一段吗，如果指前一段用earlier 或 above好不？)
好 记住了 谢谢

paragraph, social custom and ethics greatly influence the development of technology, or even sometimes restrict further technological research and experiments. Human cloning, for instance, is legally abandoned in many countries due to the discordance with the ethnics. Still, the concepts of human cloning as well as the experiments on animals challenge with the traditional social perspectives which assert that nature law can be impossibly changed. （challenge好象是restrict的后果，不象是原因。）
恩 真的哦 觉得例子好象出状况了的那种
倒戈相向了哦~~~~~

Furthermore, no one can tell whether in the future, human cloning will become legal, since the technology of tube pregnancy when first contrived was considered illegal while being accepted by almost all the nations today. 后一个例子我看你都不能肯定，怎么好用来支持论点，另外restrict有问题。
这个 是不是 对未来的猜想和展望是不可以做论据的
可是我记得 逻辑里面的推理演绎 认为在一定程度上外推的结论也可以用来支持论点的呀
我没有上过逻辑课 这些是逻辑书上写的
我是不是理解错了？！

In conclusion, technology can be metaphorized as a flowing river, while the social custom and ethics as the banks, on which preserves human civilization and cultures(是倒装吗？如果是，preserve好象这里当及物动词用，缺宾语；如果不是，主语在哪？).
又是一个笔误 当初写的是 on which live human civilization and cultures后来改了又只改对了一半
我真的对不起大家 连这种错误也拿过来给大家改
对不起~~~~~~

Although banks are seemed to control the direction to which the flow is headed, the river has made them first.太深奥了，我没看懂这个analogy的相似点。解释一下给我，方便的话。
恩 我就是认为 把河流比做technology而河岸比做社会意识形态的话 在一个初到河边的人 理所应当的会认为 是河岸来决定了河流前进的方向 但事实上 从最早形成的状况来看的话 其实是河流形成了河岸 而河岸呢 只不过是河流走过留下的痕迹 就是这样的比喻 我觉得用来比喻tech和custom也很恰当
也许让你想到 鸡蛋和鸡的比喻了 但是 呵呵 偶其实也是一边倒的在那个问题上 因为从进化论的角度来看 鸟类是从爬行类进化来的 而爬行类就是卵生呀 呵呵 扯远了哈 唉 偶太久没有碰偶亲爱的生物了 想念啊~~~~~~


总体结构：restrict 和determine 不是一码事，至少在你的文章中不能等同。伦理问题争议那么大，你怎么能抱完全赞同的观点，虽说创新是当前的时尚，那也得有冲着真理的总方向啊！适当让步也是英雄啊！
可是我我我我 我当真就是这样认为的呀 偶不是创新呀~~~
我是不是观点太过偏激了~~~~

每段的论证：前天imong的coherence那篇文章我认为你可以好好认真学习以下，对你的这篇文章很有针对性。
偶研究过了呀 偶发誓 偶还转贴到偶们学校的论坛上给偶哥们看的
原来偶还是纸上谈兵
唉
好 今天都回答完了偶马上去复习~~~~

语言方面：还算流畅，但有一些小错误，我标出来了。
其实偶不擅长写议论文的 写中文的时候 都习惯了写一些没有主语谓语之类的烂文章

优点：开头段简洁，结尾运用形象的比喻，显得语言掌握很好。
唉 也就是说 最关键的全部都是缺点 我明白了 看来努力努力呀 3月9号就要考试罗~~~~~


我可是用7分的标准给你改的， 啊！好过瘾！不好意思！小mm不要哭噢！不要去imong那儿告状噢！
你是上周排行榜的第二名，公开表扬，继续努力！
谢谢 我很喜欢哭倒不错 但是不是为这些哦
这位GG很会哄人 先给了两拳头
然后再拍拍脸说乖
呵呵 谢谢GG的修改~~~~~~
偶不哭 偶也不告状的说~~~~~~~~~
就算丢死人 或者真的被砖拍死在这里
也比到时候上ETS的绞刑架好!!!
何况一猫九命 哪里那么容易死翘翘~~~
偶只想说 眼睛好累呀~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
不过偶高兴呀 高兴呀 高兴啊~~~~~~~~~~ :D  :D  :D
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 00:24:45     标题: 继续给sunshineJJ~~~~~~~

最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]下面就是我对para1.看法： the sexism of our society is so pervasive that we are not even aware of all its inequities. Unless one has developed a sensitivity to its workings, by adopting a self- consciously contrary view, it activities are accepted as normal and justified with little question. A good example is what happened during and after WW2.
以下省略...... [/B]

JJ怎么能跟我说催化剂呢？！偶对催化剂敏感呀~~~催化剂只是加快反应速度的呀（其实减少也可以 不信你问imongGG）真正是否能起反应不在于它是否可以存在呀~~~ 我记得一本书上写有过 说二战带给我们什么 结果说了几百面最后得了一个结论 没有二战照样会出现社会的种种变革 而可能性正蕴藏于科技的发展（偶在这里把科给甩了~~~）

最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]“事实上现在虽然几乎所有的国家和政府都是严厉禁止克隆的 但这项工作仍然在继续的进行中”没错，前天还听说（哪国忘了），有人宣称他们已经将克隆的胚胎放到母体里，而且发育良好。他们还没得意完，就遭到了狠批。我没看过“天道”，但常被《科幻世界》的故事吓个半死。
以下省略...... [/B]

克隆人是在意大利（如果我没有记错的话） 还是一个女的科学家弄的
天道讲的就是转基因的大稻~~不过后来上天的确是惩罚了改变这一天道的人类~~~~~~
关于黄油 我没有话讲 不过当越来越多合成食品摆上人的餐桌的时候 这样的 可不可以叫做custom呢？！ 我觉得是可以的 JJ认为咧~~~~
关于伦理 其实也是custom和ethics的一部分 偶简单的认为是上升和提炼过后的custom和ethics 就好象science和生活常识的关系 呵呵
继续看试管婴儿 虽然还在被K 但是势头已经不如当年 而且越来越多人开始无奈的接受了这一事实 尤其是没有小孩的夫妇们（汗~~~扯远了又）也不能完全肯定说 是不是到了不久的未来大家是不是会无奈的接受了克隆的事实
但我觉得科技已经改变人类社会文化的N多 甚至连以前根深蒂固的宗教信仰都可以改变 这些 应该也是会逐渐风化了的吧
唉 看来看去就只有我一个人支持我自己的观点~~~~~~~~5555~~~~

偶说了呀 偶现在还光荣的19岁大二 ;)  呵呵 考作文的时候都还是19哦 可怜考笔试的时候就20了~~~  :rolleyes:
作者: midamida    时间: 2004-1-20 00:37:09     标题: so猫接着接招~~~~

最初由 so猫 发布
科学界应该有很多这样的例子呀 比如我还说的最早的试管婴儿 后来的转基因食品(啥是转基因?要是猫是学生物的可真该回去再查查书了,转基因食物之所以现在不推广是因为怕它会带来不安全因素,所以我认为和道德无关,做例子不太合适啦))(以后也难说是不是就只有食品) 还有医学里面的新药开发时的人体实验和动物实验 物理学里面的核物质的研究和使用 还有偶们化学里面的改变天然物质的结构(以前这被视做天理不容的哦) 呵呵 暂时就只能想到这么多啦~~~~
我还想到了一个就是以前有表兄妹结婚的传统,但是现在是不道德的了
PS,猫是学生物的呀,呼呼,同类同类,还有,叫姐姐 :D
[/B]
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 00:48:32     标题: 给genie05GG~~~~

红色的是genieGG的批阅
黑色的是我自己的修改和一点点想法~~~~~~

and more importantly（是WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANTLY 还是用AND？）
上次写more important 被人家指出要写more importantly
因为是一个递进的意思 而且 总用定语从句别人会以为我脑子烧的慌 所以换了一个~~

Generally speaking, it is the trends （？是复数吗？）
其实我也不知道呀~~凭语感写的 也不晓得对不对~~~

of social perspective that technology exercises（如果没有理解错的话，你这里是 EXAERCISE。。。INFLUENCE ON STH。吧，没有见过这个搭配，请教？）
enormous influence on the custom and ethics of mankind.
是在金山糍粑里面查到的（汗~~~~embarrased~~~）

（关于例子的问题，你们前面写了很多我就不说了，不过不知道是我没理解好还是你的叙述不清楚，汗ING）
估计 估计是我的问题吧~~~~（nervous~~~~）

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs,(为什么要这个标点？)
这个好象都是习惯出来的~~~总是觉得说话的时候人会停顿一下 然后跟着就一个逗号蹦出来了~~~

can determine the trends technology will follow. Considering the long eras human history covers（EARS 。。。COVERS？这个错误不该犯吧！）,
该打~~~~~

it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving, offer（？注意主语）
第三人称 记住了的说~~~~

an opportunity to mankind to develop human society, and form variable custom and ethics according to the complicated geographical position and uneven levels of technology（这个句子已经乱了）.
fortitudesagGG已经给提出来了 但是 其实我也不知道怎么改的最合适 觉得怪怪的怎么改都

Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe（？这个是怎么推出来的？）;
这个 难道不可以推吗？！以前没有航海技术 很多的国家都不知道海洋那边还会有新的国家 认为那里是天涯海角 所以罗 才会认为自己是天地的中心呀

of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window（？看电视就可以了吧？和工业有关吗）
19世纪哪里来的电视机？？！！
其实是比较文学化的语言 但是可能我表达有问题 意思是说 科技改变了以往的道德观念 提供一个让女人去了解大千世界的机会 而不是用以往的道德伦理将女人终身约束在一个狭小的圈子里面

; of commerce, the concept of global village and the consciousness of racial quality might never exist. One specialist on social science has given a proper comment on the function of technology in society: "Technology,（这个标点又是在干什么？）
插入语 忘了~~~

SO猫，看得出你很喜欢写长句，不过在没有把握的情况下，慎用啊。
不知道你是习惯还是故意的，几乎每段开头都是IT IS。。。。强调句型，换换吧。
写长句是因为 不知道什么地方应该写短句 但是又怕~~~所以就 干脆全部写长句（汗颜~~~）
用强调句型完全那个 是因为 我这个用的最熟~~~~~~
谢谢 我一定会加油的说~~~~~~
另外 可不可以把so打成小写的 那样我比较习惯咧
再次谢谢genie05GG（看你的名字总是让我想到那首genie in the bottle~~~~ 呵呵）
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 01:05:54     标题: 给imongGG~~~~~

哎呀呀，大家掐so猫掐得这么开心啊，已经有5个人上场了（中间还包括两个斑竹~）~~
这么热闹的场面怎么能拉下我呢，我这就来！
我只能说 imongGG 心态好好哦 以前偶没有人搭理的时候 都不来指教我 现在N多人来就一涌而上~~~~
呵呵 "哎呀呀"开头的句子 好象小红帽chacha里面乌拉拉学园的园长哦 :D
好 偶接招~~~~~~~~~~~~   


第一段的例子和论点不错，主要说技术exert enormous influence on customs/ethics，不足是收尾的时候缺点儿东西，而且中间有个别不够流畅的句间衔接。
imongGG说的是收尾的话吧 其实我已经想到了 但是实在是没有好句子 总不能把TS再抄一遍吧 就把它遗弃了

第二段的话开始出问题，首先，你说了problem can be araised，然后提到是不是determine，然后又有个Admittedly，我看到这里以为你要充分辨析determine和influence的不同，然后对着题目来个大逆转，结果到后面死活找不到跟Admittedly对应的信号（However，yet，but，nevertheless，..），不得不反复看半天，然后发现这段话有点奇怪，刚开始你说的是problem在于是人还是技术determine custom，然后下一句话跑到了custom determine 技术？这个未免夸张。这个段落我看得很费解，现在也搞不懂你说的是什么。
啊？！那么另人费解啊~~~
5555~~~~~~~~
偶可以理解的好好的呀~~~~
偶的脑袋还是偶的手出问题了~~
（星座书上说偶这样的人思维有跳跃性 我说话 10个人有9个人不能明白我在想什么 还有一个是聋子 难道是真的 555~~~~）
偶一定改~~~~~~~

第三段则是一会儿是技术determine custom，一会儿是vice versa，而且缺乏一个结论性的东西，你的意思是到底谁determine谁？
技术determine custom，custom influence技术~~~~~这就是结论呀~~~~

问题就这么多。目前已经有六个人动过手了（看看能不能突破作文版有史以来的单篇动手人数纪录？），我觉得是不是把意见综合一下写个新的出来？要是能给掐出一篇6分范文来那可是件大喜事。
问题就这么多?!其实已经不少了(汗颜啊~~~~~)
写个新的啊
恩 是 不过大家都是反对意见 写个新的 偶看来要把观点换下下了~~~~~~~~~~
连偶妈路过看到偶的观点 都批判偶的说~~~~ :(

btw，补充一句：开头段里面的Moreover是承接两句话的关键词，可是这里应该用Moreover吗？
是哦 感觉上morever有chinglish的味道 这里是顺承 而非递进~~~~~


最后 偶今天晚上算是泡在这篇issue里面了~~~~~~
imongGG是最后一位需要回复的了~~~~~
在此再谢谢谢谢大家
新的文章两天之内一定贴上来的说~~~~~
不过6分的范文什么的 偶就不想了~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 01:14:04     标题: 给midamidaJJ~~~~~~~~~

最初由 midamida 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 so猫 发布
科学界应该有很多这样的例子呀 比如我还说的最早的试管婴儿 后来的转基因食品(啥是转基因?要是猫是学生物的可真该回去再查查书了,转基因食物之所以现在不推广是因为怕它会带来不安全因素,所以我认为和道德无关,做例子不太合适啦))(以后也难说是不是就只有食品) 还有医学里面的新药开发时的人体实验和动物实验 物理学里面的核物质的研究和使用 还有偶们化学里面的改变天然物质的结构(以前这被视做天理不容的哦) 呵呵 暂时就只能想到这么多啦~~~~
我还想到了一个就是以前有表兄妹结婚的传统,但是现在是不道德的了
PS,猫是学生物的呀,呼呼,同类同类,还有,叫姐姐 [/B]


这个 首先 偶先惨叫一声 喵~~~~~~~
没想到还有叫板的~~~
然后偶再乖乖的叫 JJ~~~~~

偶不是学生物的啦 是学生物的一个近亲哦 HOHO~~~~
不过大学生物偶高中学过一遍的(最简单最基础的那些)
转基因食品 那是因为科技还不够牛牛嘛 要是够牛牛~~~ 这些不是道德啦 是社会风气 也就是custom啦 接受不接受转基因的问题 不过 现在好象是不接受哦 什么大豆 牛奶呀什么的~~~
表兄妹结婚 呵呵 对呀对呀 是遗传学发现的问题 呵呵
谢谢JJ的指点~~~~~~~~~~
作者: tigerv    时间: 2004-1-20 01:49:55

1)The first example of this eassy is vague . Actually ,those kinds of examples are easily found,for example,how  internet  ,computer software ,roberts and telecom ,these technologies influence and determine our social customs and ethics.
2)"Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving."This sentence is also vague. Who considers? whichone survives?
However ,this essay is well done .This author explain her own points step by step.The paragraphs are very clear and thoughtful.
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 02:01:28     标题: 给tigervGG(应该是叫GG吧~~)呀~~~~~

最初由 tigerv 发布
[B]1)The first example of this eassy is vague . Actually ,those kinds of examples are easily found,for example,how internet ,computer software ,roberts and telecom ,these technologies influence and determine our social customs and ethics.
2)"Considering the long eras human history covers, it is the technology that guarantees the basic condition for surviving."This sentence is also vague. Who considers? whichone survives?
However ,this essay is well done .This author explain her own points step by step.The paragraphs are very clear and thoughtful.[/B]


下线之前最后一次刷屏 就看到又有新的~~~~
打起精神 将革命进行到底~~~~~~~~

呵呵 第一个建议倒是给我开辟了一条新大陆的说 谢谢你哦
第二点 当然是偶consider了的说~~
啊 我没有说清楚是谁surviving哦 对哦 猪女我~~~是人类啦~~~
最后 谢谢你的夸奖 偶会继续努力的~~~~ :D

偶今天出去玩的累死了 早就瘫掉了其实~~~
唉 偶下次下线前再也不刷屏了~~~~~~

各位 中午12点我起床的时候再跟大家交流吧~~~~
偶不行了~~~~~~~~
作者: imong    时间: 2004-1-20 09:06:01     标题: 我来回我的

技术determine custom，custom influence技术~~~~~这就是结论呀~~~~

我大姐~~...这已经是从正着说到了反着说了，我觉得这前后两个半句拆开来做两个para的分论点都不为过，你一段里面就给连起来了（好像还没有什么development的样子），费解啊。-_-'

另外告诉你一句，catalyst对于非化学专业的人都是默认加速的，除非你拿它做这种例子：“外行人总是认为catalyst加速...blabla...其实研究早就发现还有减速的catalyst...所以...（结论不要扯远了！）...”
作者: feier521    时间: 2004-1-20 10:23:58

哈？猫 这么受欢迎啊？？
这么多人掐？
快赶上我那时候了（厚脸皮的说），hoho，继续

希望大家向小猫学习！！
作者: imong    时间: 2004-1-20 10:52:02

刚才查了一下传说中feier写的issue170（回复快40的那个，不过水稍微多了一点）

证明这次已经破纪录了~~拿个小本本记下来...:D
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 11:56:25

最初由 imong 发布
[B]技术determine custom，custom influence技术~~~~~这就是结论呀~~~~

我大姐~~...这已经是从正着说到了反着说了，我觉得这前后两个半句拆开来做两个para的分论点都不为过..

以下省略...... [/B]


恩?!本来是打算两个做分论点分开说的
但是啊写啊写啊不知道怎么就写成这个样子了
决定了 下午弄篇改正了的上来
是不修改position的那种~~~~~
明天再根据大家的观点写篇新的~~~~
感觉象左手跟右手较劲啊 呵呵~~~~~
偶是固执固执啊 呵呵~~~~~
另外~~~表要叫我大姐~~~~ :o

To feier(是叫GG吗?!还是JJ?!总是弄不清楚): 听到你的加油啦哈 小猫一定加油的说~~~~~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 16:14:54

首先跟大家说声抱歉
因为改实在是太伤脑筋了
所以本来原定下午就可以放上来的 可能要等到晚上~~~
但i promise今天一定会放上来 晚上一定把这个水帖换掉~~~~
作者: imong    时间: 2004-1-20 16:33:27

重写的话，发个新帖。
作者: dawnspeaker    时间: 2004-1-20 16:38:27     标题: Re: issue88~~终于写完了~~~大家来拍啊~~~

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]和sunshine讨论了两天 也去看了看feier的帖子
和各位的建议
但是写起来还是~~~ :(
和我纸上谈兵时的夸夸其辞比
有点丢人 :o


issue 88

"Technologies not onl..

以下省略...... [/B]



这不是男同志灭亡的缘故吧。1。当时女性工资很低2。女性干这种活细致3。工业进步导致干活需要体力较少而需要细致和耐心增加，这样女性就成为超过男性的首选
作者: fortitudesag    时间: 2004-1-20 17:05:38

were universally ultimate(这个词我查过金山词霸，每看见当表语的情况，你见过？)
抱歉 这个是笔误 应该是被动语态的

这个词是形容词，哪来的被动语态，换个词吧！widespread 我看还可以。
Due to the development and betterment(这两个词有什么区别？如果你觉得一样的话省略好了)
有区别吧 发展 完善 意思不一样呀？！

对于equipment，发展和改良有区别？我不否认，给我个例子吧！简单点的就行。本文中你的development可只能向正向发展噢！
底气不足 所以用的是ignore不是elimitate~~~

用ignore并不能抵消could be强烈的肯定语气。
ignored, causing(这个动词的主语是谁，如果不是主句主语，那可就是错误用法了，如果是的话，意思可就反了)
主语是difference啊 难道不对？！（汗~~~~~）

你再想想，到底是性别差异，还是差异的缩小导致了女权运动。如果是前者，结构好象也不合适，could be ignored放在句尾才合适：如果是后者，主语就处理错误。
(后面这个词太弱，一般用于说自己的缺陷，不适合提出本段的TS，建议换)
哪个词有缺陷呀？！determine吗？！

是建议后面的，admittedly。
Considering the long eras(为什么复数，理由？)
因为是考虑到有很多个不同的era呀 分不同的社会阶段和历史阶段呀（难道这个都用错了

对不起，我没有见过，可给个例子？有空的话。：）
most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were(过去式？为什么？)
因为是过去的belief啊~~~~~~（难道又错了？！5555~~~~~~）

你好象是要说过去的和现在的belief相同，但你的主语是at present，宾语是不是应该是现代人的belief，虽然于过去的相同，但只是相同而已，不是同一个噢！
是不是 对未来的猜想和展望是不可以做论据的
可是我记得 逻辑里面的推理演绎 认为在一定程度上外推的结论也可以用来支持论点的呀
我没有上过逻辑课 这些是逻辑书上写的
我是不是理解错了？！

演绎好象是最终要落实才具有说服力，比如你想说核武不好，可以演绎到核武有毁灭地球的后果，得到证明，而不是演绎到大家都不知道的后果，说服力就弱了。至少我看到no one can tell whether in the future时我是不知道你要朝向哪个方向。
虽说创新是当前的时尚，那也得有冲着真理的总方向啊！适当让步也是英雄啊！
可是我我我我 我当真就是这样认为的呀 偶不是创新呀~~~
我是不是观点太过偏激了~~~~

小mm，你的观点已和大多数不一样了，怎么不算创新，至少不是单纯模仿。观点当然可以与众不同，这可是创造力的来源，但是更要警惕自己有更大的可能犯错误，除非你肯定自己持有众人尚未认识到的观点或证据。比如copernicus，galileo。
另外，我的叙述只用于你的练习阶段和平时生活，考试的时候还要注意哪些观点、语言和结构与范文相似，再多用。
优点：开头段简洁，结尾运用形象的比喻，显得语言掌握很好。
唉 也就是说 最关键的全部都是缺点 我明白了 看来努力努力呀 3月9号就要考试罗~~~~~

错！只是标出来的主要是缺点，谁说最关键的全部都是缺点，你又要偷换概念了，这可是sweeping generalization；我提的优点不是全部，只是我个人认为特别突出的，值得大家学习的。
总的来说，先前不知道小mm这么年轻有为，其实写的已然不错。


我很喜欢有人回复的说，我认为这是尊重他人劳动成果的表现的说，我还发现大家很喜欢在后面加个的说，很有意思。随一次fashion吧！
作者: dawnspeaker    时间: 2004-1-20 21:01:50     标题: Re: 接着吵~~~

最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 so猫 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]下面就是我对para1.看法： the sexism of our society is so pervasive that we are not e..

以下省略...... [/B]


替猫儿接一招
"结果说了几百面最后得了一个结论 没有二战照样会出现社会的种种变革 而可能性正蕴藏于科技的发展" 你不是在说人类发展的原动力是科技吧？不然又有的争了，像生存压力（进化论证明）。
人类发展的原动力不是科技本身（如果这样说会显得很脆弱），而是人类对自然与自身的认识的深入，以及人类对自然（也就是环境）和自身改造能力的提高。而这后两点的表现形式不就是科技的进步么。“科技的发展”只不过是一种我们用来表征人类发展水平以及以上两种能力的指数。
试管婴儿日益被接受，但正是人们对子嗣亲情的渴望促使科技的发展，不是科技的发展决定人们接受试管婴儿的风俗/文化。
那问阳光JJ一个问题：
在中国的封建时代，那时人们期望“香火不断”的思想比现在要强烈的多吧！如果有了这种试管婴儿科技，人们会不会接受？
他们不用试管婴儿，难道不是因为他们得不到这种科技，而是因为他们对子嗣亲情的渴望比现在要淡么？
另外，风俗这个词用的不太好吧，天哪。难道那么多人都被逼到了非得靠试管婴儿解决“对子嗣亲情的渴望”么？ :)
替猫儿parry一下


这里不就是说表达是什么导致了这个“风俗:-)”，科技发展，还是人们的渴望？
作者: dawnspeaker    时间: 2004-1-20 21:42:05

偶是搞机械和大罐子的，对催化不通，但偶对科技杀人科技救人感兴趣，谈谈。
对于其他“低级生物”而言，大自然这环境对它们起着进化的筛选作。这进化（也就是科技的conterpart了）一方面毁灭一批，一方面养育一批。难道说进化没有决定生物的发展么（学生物的GGJJ猛批）？战争（其实说科技负面也就是最坏如此了）毁掉旧的生产力和生产工具，新的科技重建家园……二战就是这样的。战争不好，但没有战争更不好，长衰不如短痛
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 22:23:43

各位GGJJ 偶又写了一篇新的 在另外一个小贴上 大家踊跃去拍啊~~~~谢谢~~~
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 22:59:07     标题: 继续给fortitudesagGG~~~

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]各位GGJJ 偶又写了一篇新的 在另外一个小贴上 大家踊跃去拍啊~~~~谢谢~~~




和sunshine讨论了两天 也去看了看feier?.

以下省略...... [/B]


关于 ultimate:
其实我今天一查字典才发现 偶把这个词跟utilize的意思弄反了~~~（GG不要打我~~~）我以后再不会弄错了我想~~

关于equipment的发展和完善问题：
这个不知道是不是我在都圈圈 觉得所谓develop就是仪器换代 用新的代替旧的 而betterment就是在仪器不变的情况下 弄弄这个 改改大小功率什么的 感觉和服装的fashion和mending的意思差不多~~~

关于could be ignored
恩 这次是感觉到了 好象放在这里讲话太绝对了 偶这一篇已经改过来了

Due to the development and betterment of the equipment, ~~~, the difference of working effectiveness between a man and a woman could be ignored, causing~~~.
这句话我本来想causing的主语是前面一整句话的
好象杂糅的太厉害了 说实话这句子不是我写的估计我也不懂了~~~

admittedly
我给换成although了 而且新文章里面这句话差不多全部都改了

关于eras：
其实也是我想当然 找不到例子~~~（汗~~~~） 我想下次我还是不用了吧

关于belief that they were
我明白你的意思了~~~~

关于演绎的结论
恩 对哦 我忘记了一个重要的前提
就是推出的结论必须是可预见的 至少对大部分人来说~~~~
我怎么早没有想到呢~~~~唉~~~~还是学艺不精呀~~~~~~

关于我unique的观点
我知道 很多人都告诉我unique的观点往往是两极分化的状况 写出来的文章要不是惊天地泣鬼神 要不是·#￥%~~~~~我以后会小心处理的~~~

关于缺点和优点：
只是看到整篇文章里面有好多好多的问题和错误 好着急呀
偷换概念~~~~呵呵 好象是哦 看来偶的逻辑思维还要加油才是呀~~~
优点嘛 呵呵 谢谢呀~~~

关于的说
这个是我的习惯的说 不过很多人都有这个习惯的说 :cool:

最后 再次谢谢fortitudesagGG的再次修改的说~~~~~ :D
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-20 23:01:28     标题: Re: Re: 接着吵~~~

最初由 dawnspeaker 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 so猫 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]下面就是我对para1.看法： the sexism of our ..

以下省略...... [/B]


感谢dawnspeakerGG~~~
作者: genie05    时间: 2004-1-21 19:26:52     标题: Re: 给genie05GG~~~~

最初由 so猫 发布
and more importantly（是WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANTLY 还是用AND？）
上次写more important 被人家指出要写more importantly
因为是一个递进的意思 而且 总用定语从句别人会以为我脑子烧的慌 所以换了一个~~

你没有理解我的意思，我是说该用AND来连接吗？

关于例子的问题，你们前面写了很多我就不说了，不过不知道是我没理解好还是你的叙述不清楚，汗ING）
估计 估计是我的问题吧~~~~（nervous~~~~）

呵呵，不一定，偶最近看东西比较郁闷的说。

However, question can be raised why it is believed that the technology rather than the human beings themselves determine the social custom and ethics. Admittedly, in a short period, the intension of individuals and the needs of the social customs,(为什么要这个标点？)
这个好象都是习惯出来的~~~总是觉得说话的时候人会停顿一下 然后跟着就一个逗号蹦出来了~~~
小MM啊，这个毛病要改哦。


Without technology of navigation, most nations at present might still hold the belief that they were the center in the universe（？这个是怎么推出来的？）;
这个 难道不可以推吗？！以前没有航海技术 很多的国家都不知道海洋那边还会有新的国家 认为那里是天涯海角 所以罗 才会认为自己是天地的中心呀

主要是想到了大学精读的一篇课文，关于论证地球是圆的的问题的。记不清楚了。你这样写应该就可以了。

of industry, millions of women might never ever get the chance to see the scene out of limited sight from their window（？看电视就可以了吧？和工业有关吗）
19世纪哪里来的电视机？？！！
其实是比较文学化的语言 但是可能我表达有问题 意思是说 科技改变了以往的道德观念 提供一个让女人去了解大千世界的机会 而不是用以往的道德伦理将女人终身约束在一个狭小的圈子里面


抱歉了。

SO猫，看得出你很喜欢写长句，不过在没有把握的情况下，慎用啊。
不知道你是习惯还是故意的，几乎每段开头都是IT IS。。。。强调句型，换换吧。
写长句是因为 不知道什么地方应该写短句 但是又怕~~~所以就 干脆全部写长句（汗颜~~~）
用强调句型完全那个 是因为 我这个用的最熟~~~~~~

但是很明显你的长句的运用还有问题。长句是好，不过还是建议多练习阅读。
另外 可不可以把so打成小写的 那样我比较习惯咧
这个，偶道歉

再次谢谢genie05GG


呵呵，不用谢，难得有人叫我GG，谢谢你才对。:)
作者: so猫    时间: 2004-1-22 15:51:17

引用:最初由 so猫 发布
and more importantly（是WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANTLY 还是用AND？）
上次写more important 被人家指出要写more importantly
因为是一个递进的意思 而且 总用定语从句别人会以为我脑子烧的慌 所以换了一个~~

你没有理解我的意思，我是说该用AND来连接吗？


那 请问各位 "更重要的是" 这句话怎么说?!
and more important?
and more importantly?
还是别的什么?!
请哪位指教(不要用定语从句的那种~~)
谢谢
作者: dawnspeaker    时间: 2004-1-22 16:17:44

and which is more important.是正解
我认为and more important 比and more importantly 更正确
理由是前者是and which is more important的省略形式



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