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标题: issue9 原稿+重写稿+海量修改稿 [打印本页]

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-10 22:42:08 标题: ISSUE9 第二篇拙作，敬请拍砖：）

Issue9 Academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years that scholars' ideas reach only a narrow audience. Until scholars can reach a wider audience, their ideas will have little use.

It seems that the auguer want to convince us that high specialization causes the shrinking of research range, and in addition, the influence of scholars’ ideas, but I can just agree with him partially for the reasons as below.

It is obviously that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which means that the fields scholars would put their attention into may be narrower in some degree than before, when science research was not so exquisite and profound. However, it dose not mean that the influence of scholars’ ideas and academic outcomes will be limited at the same time. Take penicillin, one kind of most popular antibiotics, as an example, it has saved millions of people’s life since it was found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs despite how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregard why the information can reach them so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies in. Accordingly, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes.

Furthermore, many branchs of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the advance of many different realms of science and technology and the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on. These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, through which a benign cycle comes into being, and then push the development of science and technology unceasingly. From this point, although academic disciplines have become highly specialized, each single branch of learning amplifies its influence to the whole academic circles through the interaction with others.

Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach. Although it is no need for the public to understand excessively abstract theories, it may be beneficial for them to have a sketchy acquaintance of them. Hence, if scholars want to propagate their ideas to the public, they have no choice but to simplify and universalize their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. A case in point is computor. When the first computer came into being, it was so gigantic and complex that only a few technologists and scientists could operate it, which made people take it as a mystery. This mysterious veil had not been disclosed until the personal computer came into people’s life. Now, everyone can run a computer by means of a little mouse if only he has a simple learning of it. In other words, for the popularization of their ideas, scholars really need to lessen the gap between the specialists and the public. But it dose not mean that only do this can they spread out their thoughts, not to mention the use of those crystal of wisdom.

In conclusion, specialization is the definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is another liability, thus every valuable idea can be developed both in depth and width. Maybe scholars’ ideas reach only a narrow audience, but they can exhibit their usefulness in many other ways.

作者: DriverEntry 时间: 2004-3-10 23:13:49

Issue9 Academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years that scholars' ideas reach only a narrow audience. Until scholars can reach a wider audience, their ideas will have little use.
It seems that the auguerarguer，有点象ARGU啊，小心和你后面的ARGU重复 want to convince us that high specialization causes the shrinking of research range, and in addition, the influence of scholars’ ideas, but I can just agree with him partially for the reasons as below.
开头还是换一下吧。这样的开头我也用过，然后被N多人狂贬。J

It is obviously that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which means that the fields scholars would put their attention into may be这个地方读起来别扭 narrower in some degree than before, when science research was not so exquisite and profound. However, it dose not mean that the influence of scholars’ ideas and academic outcomes will be limited at the same time. Take penicillin, one kind of most popular antibiotics, as an example, it has saved millions of people’s life since it was found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs despite how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregard why the information can reach them so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies in. Accordingly, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes.
享受科技的好处无须了解背后的原理

Furthermore, many branchs of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the advance of many different realms of science and technology and the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on. 主题句是学科交叉越来越多？好象有点偏了 These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, through which a benign cycle comes into being, and then push the development of science and technology unceasingly. From this point, although academic disciplines have become highly specialized, each single branch of learning amplifies its influence to the whole academic circles through the interaction with others.
通过学科交叉来造福社会。论述浅了点

Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach. Although it is no need for the public to understand excessively abstract theories, it may be beneficial for them to have a sketchy acquaintance of them. Hence, if scholars want to propagate their ideas to the public, they have no choice but to simplify and universalize their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. A case in point is computorcomputer. When the first computer came into being, it was so gigantic and complex that only a few technologists and scientists could operate it, which made people take it as a mystery. This mysterious veil had not been disclosed until the personal computer came into people’s life. Now, everyone can run a computer by means of a little mouse if only he has a simple learning of it. In other words, for the popularization of their ideas, scholars really need to lessen the gap between the specialists and the public. But it dose not mean that only do this can they spread out their thoughts, not to mention the use of those crystal of wisdom.
这段没看明白，COMPUTER的例子说明了什么问题？你是说学者也要让大众容易接受他们的思想？但是COMPUTER只是成果啊，和思想之类关系不大的说。

In conclusion, specialization is the definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is another liability, thus every valuable idea can be developed both in depth and width. Maybe scholars’ ideas reach only a narrow audience, but they can exhibit their usefulness in many other ways.

总的来说到后面有点不够清楚。语言上问题倒是不大。
PS：MM 发贴说注意标题的格式啊，要ISSUE9这样开头才行：）

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-11 08:03:13

呵呵，谢谢！

我记住了，先自己再改改去：）

作者: dalloway 时间: 2004-3-11 09:57:35

偶明天再给你看吧
这两天真是快死掉了:mad: :(

作者: aerozxy 时间: 2004-3-11 11:23:59

It seems that the auguer want to convince us that high specialization causes the shrinking of research range, and in addition, the influence of scholars’ ideas, but I can just agree with him partially for the reasons as below.（partially agree最好在开头要说清楚，到底同意什么不同意什么，或者更直接的表明自己的观点）

It is obviously （adj.）that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which means that the fields scholars would put their attention into may be narrower in some degree than before, when science research was not so exquisite and profound. （这句话语法有点问题，我的建议：Acdemic disciplines have become more and more specialized in recent years, since scholars have paid more attention to their own field and seemed to attrack less audiences ）However, it dose not mean that the influence of scholars’ ideas and academic outcomes will be limited at the same time. Take penicillin, one kind of most popular antibiotics, as an example, it has saved millions of people’s life （lives）since it was found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function （functional）mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs despite （这个用法不对，用without knowing感觉比较好）how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregard（+ing） why the information can reach them （用transmit 感觉好一点）so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies in.（好像要把in去掉，因为是用where引导的从句） Accordingly, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes.

Furthermore, many branchs of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the advance of many different realms of science and technology and the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on. These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, through which a benign cycle comes into being, and then push the development of science and technology unceasingly. From this point, although academic disciplines have become highly specialized, each single branch of learning amplifies its influence to the whole academic circles through the interaction with others. （学科交叉应该是个很好的论点，但你论述的重点给人的感觉不太明晰，你的from this point, 我没有看出前后直接的因果关系。学科交叉究竟带来了什么呢？是学科领域的拓宽还是需要扎实的专业知识？应该展开论证。）

Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach. Although it is no need for the public to understand excessively abstract theories, it may be beneficial for them to have a sketchy acquaintance of them. Hence, if scholars want to propagate their ideas to the public, they have no choice but to simplify and universalize their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. A case in point is computor. When the first computer came into being, it was so gigantic and complex that only a few technologists and scientists could operate it, which made people take it as a mystery. This mysterious veil had not been disclosed until the personal computer came into people’s life. Now, everyone can run a computer by means of a little mouse if only he has a simple learning of it. In other words, for the popularization of their ideas, scholars really need to lessen the gap between the specialists and the public. But it dose not mean that only do this can they spread out their thoughts, not to mention the use of those crystal of wisdom.（比较同意DriverEntry的观点，你这段的意识好像是要使专业知识被大众接受应该怎么样。但computer的这个例子举的比较失败，compute本身不算是专业知识，它的运作原理才是。这方面的例子还比较难举，我想了半天也就Einstein给学生们讲述相对论的例子，他拿着电筒？？从教室外跑到教室内。。。。。呵呵，具体记不清了）

In conclusion, specialization is the definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is another liability, thus every valuable idea can be developed both in depth and width. Maybe scholars’ ideas reach only a narrow audience, but they can exhibit their usefulness in many other ways.

论证的合理性应该是要注意的内容，
举例之前先要想好例子是否能支持论点。

ps：MM是学什么的？居然对青霉素发明人记得这么清楚。

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-11 15:30:42

谢谢你们的建议，我准备好好修改一下。正在看Silent-wing的那篇范文呢。

PS：偶学医，呵呵。

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-12 00:43:35

Issue9 Academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years that scholars' ideas reach only a narrow audience. Until scholars can reach a wider audience, their ideas will have little use.

It is obvious that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which seems to mean that scholars will pay more and more attention to their own field and lose many audience than before, and in consequence, their ideas will be less useful than expected. But in fact, specialization is not equal to isolation, it will not diminish the influence of scholars’ ideas and their research achievements, moreover, it can bring new vigor to the whole science circles.

First of all, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes. Take penicillin, one kind of most popular antibiotics, as an example, it has saved millions of people’s life since it was found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs without knowing how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregarding why the information can be transmitted so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies. Accordingly, as an ordinary people, it is enough for him to know that there are many modern science and technology outcomes and then use them conveniently.

In addition, each specialized subject can amplify its influence to the whole academic circles and people’s lives through the interaction and communication with others. No idea can advance singly, hence many branches of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the development of many different realms of science and technology, and also the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on. These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, and then push the development of both the whole science and technology and each single branch unceasingly. From this point, a single idea may reach only a narrow audience, but when it meets with other ideas and is integrated with others, its audience becomes wider and wider. （我想说：通过学科之间的交叉，单个学科，单个思想的影响被放大了。）

However, it is really need for some scholars to convey their ideas to the public in some certain fields. Take medical science as an example, if people have some simple knowledge of it, they may avoid many dispensable diseases, such as infection caused by bad health habits, myopia owing to excessively usage of eyes without proper rest, some pulmonary diseases as a result of smoking, and so on. Thus, in such fields, it is required for scholars to propagate their ideas to the public, by means of simplifying and universalizing their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach, so the scholars have no choice but to simplify again and again.

All in a word, specialization is the definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is surely another liability, thus every valuable idea can certainly be developed both in depth and width and accepted by more and more audience. It is unnecessary to worry about whether ideas can reach enough audience or not, not to mention their contribution to the society.

我改了一遍，请大家再帮我看看，继续拍：）

作者: dezhi 时间: 2004-3-12 01:05:26

Issue9 Academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years that scholars' ideas reach only a narrow audience. Until scholars can reach a wider audience, their ideas will have little use.

It is obvious that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which seems to mean that scholars will pay more and more attention to their own field and lose many 比较级，用more　audience than before, and in consequence, their ideas will be less useful than expected. But in fact, specialization is not equal to isolation, 这里不用加and吗？ it will not diminish the influence of scholars’ ideas and their research achievements,该用句号吧？ moreover, it can bring new vigor to the whole science scientific circles.

First of all, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes. Take penicillin, one kind of the most popular antibiotics, as an example,这个标点... it has saved millions of people’s life lives? since it was found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs without knowing how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregarding why the information can be transmitted so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies lie. Accordingly, as an ordinary people, it is enough for him to know that there are many modern science and technology outcomes and then use them conveniently.

In addition, each specialized subject can amplify its influence to the whole academic circles and people’s lives through the interaction and communication with others. No idea can advance singly, hence many branches of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the development of many different realms of science and technology, and also the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on. These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, and then push the development of both the whole science and technology and each single branch unceasingly. From this point, a single idea may reach only a narrow audience, but when it meets with other ideas and is integrated with others, its audience becomes wider and wider. （我想说：通过学科之间的交叉，单个学科，单个思想的影响被放大了。）

However, it is really need 别扭，不如用necessary for some scholars to convey their ideas to the public in some certain fields. Take medical science as an example, if people have some simple knowledge of it, they may avoid many dispensable diseases, such as infection caused by bad health habits, myopia owing to excessively usage of eyes without proper rest, some pulmonary diseases as a the? result of smoking, and so on. Thus, in such fields, it is required for scholars to propagate their ideas to the public, by means of simplifying and universalizing their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach, so the scholars have no choice but to simplify again and again.

All in a word, specialization is the definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is surely another liability, thus every valuable idea can certainly be developed both in depth and width and accepted by more and more audience. It is unnecessary to worry about whether ideas can reach enough audience or not, not to mention their contribution to the society.

作者: dezhi 时间: 2004-3-12 01:13:24

1、觉得楼主标点符号用的有问题
2、有不少用and,but等简单连词连接的长句子，可以用从句等其他句式来表达，可能更好些

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-12 07:50:44

:o 收到！

看来我还要花大力气攻攻语法！

另外，不知道我现在这篇的思路是否清楚一点了？

作者: dezhi 时间: 2004-3-12 08:50:45

1、觉得body2的观点稍显抽象，单个思想的影响被放大，感觉怪怪的，其实我觉得可以换一种说法，表达同一个意思。
2、有专业背景就是好，举的例子也专业，hoho~~~~~
3、其实搂主的语法很不错的，不用花大力气攻，只要注意一下标点就行了。

作者: genie05 时间: 2004-3-12 08:52:15

最初由 dalloway 发布
[B]偶明天再给你看吧
这两天真是快死掉了:mad: :( [/B]

复习考试，注意休息调整。心态最重要。 ;)

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-12 09:20:03

最初由 dezhi 发布
[B]1、觉得body2的观点稍显抽象，单个思想的影响被放大，感觉怪怪的，其实我觉得可以换一种说法，表达同一个意思。
[/B]

怎么说呢？

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-12 09:22:57

最初由 genie05 发布
[B]复习考试，注意休息调整。心态最重要。 ;) [/B]

:( 失望啊，我还以为你帮我改作文呢。

不过休息好和心态好的确非常重要，dalloway一定要注意身体啊 :)

作者: dezhi 时间: 2004-3-12 10:35:24

比如说虽然各个科学领域都只关注于某一个方面，但他们之间有不少交叉，在思维的碰撞过程中就会产生很多新的想法和思路，产生新的边缘学科，结果。。。。
怎么写着写着突然发现和你写的差不多，Sigh
可能就是对amplify its influence觉得有些难以理解吧，噢，改成扩大或深化影响比较好，好像amplify就有扩大的意思，有吗？扩大还是放大？好像差不多，这么说，~~~~~~~汗~~~~~~~~语无伦次~~~~~~

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-12 15:48:31

我一时也想不到什么很好的表达，但是自己又总觉得交叉学科是个很好的论点，不想舍弃。

唉，再想想看啦……

作者: dezhi 时间: 2004-3-13 01:59:03

举手：
我没有说交叉学科这个论点不好呀，呵呵

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-13 09:57:33

我明白你的意思，只是还没有想出来如何把话说的更加清楚，更加圆满。

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-13 09:59:40

比如，通过学科交叉，单个学科，单种思想的影响完成了由点到面的辐射？

作者: dalloway 时间: 2004-3-16 20:40:14

It is obvious that academic disciplines have become highly specialized in recent years, which seems to mean （seem，mean有些重复）that scholars will pay more and more attention to their own field and lose many audience than before, and in consequence, their ideas will be less useful than expected. But in fact, specialization is not equal to isolation, it will not diminish the influence of scholars’ ideas and （their） research achievements, moreover, it can bring（改为infuse之类的词是否能形象些？） new vigor to the whole science circles.

First of all, there is no need for the public to understand the abstruse academic knowledge just for taking advantage of the academic outcomes. Take penicillin, one kind of most popular antibiotics, as an example,（把举例和具体描述拆成两句话吧。） it has saved millions of people’s life since（it was） found by Sir Alexander Fleming, notwithstanding its function mechanism and productive procedure is unfamiliar to the public. And also, we can enjoy TV programs without knowing how the little box is made up, chat with friends through internet disregarding why the information can be transmitted so quickly, drive cars wherever we want to go if only we know where the accelerator and brake lies. Accordingly, as an ordinary people, it is enough for him to know that there are many modern science and technology outcomes and then use them conveniently.
题目说得是scholar，第一段怎么变成很多ordinary people的举例了？不妨就照一个青霉素的点展开写写。
In addition, each specialized subject can amplify its influence to the whole academic circles and people’s lives through the interaction and communication with others. No idea can advance singly, hence many branches of learning interact with each other more and more thoroughly, which impels the development of many different realms of science and technology, and also the emerging of many new interdisciplinary subjects such as Bioinformatics, Biochemistry, Biophysics and so on.（前面加上，以生物学为例） These novelties bring new vim to the whole academic circles and lead to even more up-to-date ideas, and then push the development of both the whole science and technology and each single branch unceasingly. From this point, a single idea may reach only a narrow audience, but when it meets with other ideas and is integrated with others, its audience becomes wider and wider. （我想说：通过学科之间的交叉，单个学科，单个思想的影响被放大了。）

However, it is really need（词性） for some scholars to convey their ideas to the public in some certain fields. Take medical science as an example, if people have some simple knowledge of it, they may avoid many dispensable diseases, such as infection caused by bad health habits, myopia owing to excessively usage of eyes without proper rest, some pulmonary diseases as a result of smoking, and so on. Thus, in such fields, it is required for scholars to propagate their ideas to the public, by means of simplifying and universalizing their theories to the standard that can be accepted by ordinary people. Admittedly, the more abstruse the idea is, the narrower the audience it can reach, so the scholars have no choice but to simplify again and again.

All in a word, specialization is the （a或者one of） definite tendency of modern academic research, and the interaction of each branch of science and technology is surely another liability, thus every valuable idea can certainly be developed both in depth and width and accepted by more and more audience. It is unnecessary to worry about whether ideas can reach enough audience or not, not to mention their contribution to the society.

改过之后好多了。嗯，感觉你的定冠词用法有些问题，不过我也一样。
大致改了一下，语言很顺畅，观点很明确。继续加油！

作者: dalloway 时间: 2004-3-16 20:42:23

最初由 genie05 发布
[B]复习考试，注意休息调整。心态最重要。 ;) [/B]

谢谢genie的关心，上周的事情真是冲击波一波又一波的，郁闷坏了，这周好多了。 :p

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 09:48:32

谢谢dalloway，你的建议都很中肯，尤其是我在定冠词的使用上的确有些混乱。以前看英语的时候没有注意这些，所以现在自己写起来全凭感觉。

另外，我的提纲：

Body1：对于普通人，没有必要了解太过细致的专业知识也同样可以享受科技成果带来的便利。
Body2：学科的细化导致很多新的分支产生，同时也促进了分支间的交叉，这样尽管单一学科的领域表面看缩小了，但其对于整个学术界的影响却不会减小，甚至更大了。
Body3：作出一点让步，一些特定领域的知识还是有必要让人们了解。

不知道这样是不是不太严谨？

作者: jermy 时间: 2004-3-17 10:00:23

帮忙看看我的好吗？

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 10:35:31

好啊，互通有无嘛，你能把链接发给我吗？

作者: feier521 时间: 2004-3-17 11:03:27

fishergirl 也很火嘛？
:)

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 11:15:46

最初由 feier521 发布
[B]fishergirl 也很火嘛？
:) [/B]

最近写作文停滞不前，很上火啊 :D

作者: feier521 时间: 2004-3-17 11:25:20

嗯，什么时候也帮你消消火？
:)

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 11:37:34

呵呵，谢谢！

自己先消消火，然后重新来过。

现在每次拿到一个题目都只能写出一个开头，接下来就觉得脑子里很混乱……写了提纲也没用，总是写着写着就觉得思路不对，想推倒重来。所以这几天写了N个开头，却没有一篇完整的文章出来：（

唉，都怪自己以前积累太少了！

作者: dalloway 时间: 2004-3-17 12:24:56

一样的。
我的目标就是4.5。郁闷也得写，要不怎么办呢？
作文这个东西不是很好提高的，想想中文不也一样？现在只是把思路整理一下，发现并力图避免以前的错误。
＋U！

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 12:59:56

谢谢鼓励，一起加油：）

作者: lovebrian 时间: 2004-3-17 13:06:04 标题: 不是吧？这么热？万人迷啊？

呵呵~~~~现在没时间~~~过会儿看看
ps签名档是赫本吗？

作者: fishergirl 时间: 2004-3-17 13:37:52

是的，我最喜欢的女演员之一：）

能够得到大家的热情帮助，我真是太幸福了^_^

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