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标题: 【独立写作】雷诺作业贴（12.13） [打印本页]

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-23 08:48:20 标题: 【独立写作】雷诺作业贴（12.13）

本帖最后由 shilei165 于 2015-1-19 15:56 编辑

求提高，求狠批！！

把作业都整理到这里啦~ 方便批改的同学下载

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作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-23 09:48:56

第一次上传作文，求狠批

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-11-24 07:25:28

哈哈哈哈万年20分+1

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-11-24 07:26:54

不好意思我的电脑打不开你的文件。。因为身处美帝下的盗版的word所以很抱歉。。
你可以直接贴在帖子里吗？我看到告诉你你就可以删掉啦

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-24 08:29:55

本帖最后由 shilei165 于 2014-11-24 10:08 编辑

ok

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-11-24 09:08:07

改完啦~

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-24 12:39:44

11.24独立写作

作者: ryy_18 时间: 2014-11-24 17:38:16

已改楼主语言功底不赖嘛羡慕

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-24 20:06:19

11.23作业重写

作者: mqcherry 时间: 2014-11-25 11:25:37

[attach]364753[/attach]
已改加油！

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-25 11:42:08

mqcherry 发表于 2014-11-25 11:25
已改加油！

Very useful! 一起加油

作者: dedemiao 时间: 2014-11-25 20:39:44

已改~加油

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-25 21:15:28

dedemiao 发表于 2014-11-25 20:39
已改~加油

看到了，很中肯的意见，好评！！

作者: 纪晓晴 时间: 2014-11-26 21:01:35

[attach]364932[/attach][attach]364932[/attach] 改好啦~~加油！

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-11-27 03:58:03

又分到一组了还是看不到你的作文不好意思能复制粘贴吗谢谢啦！

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-11-27 08:57:48

Minnieee 发表于 2014-11-27 03:58
又分到一组了还是看不到你的作文不好意思能复制粘贴吗谢谢啦！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

As the rapid pace of the modern society, a great number of people claims that we should take action as soon as possible, while some hold the different opinion, they think patience is usually a good strategy. I totally agree with the idea that we need patience if we want to success.
Patience can access to success. We should do the right thing in the right time. As an old Chinese saying says “Good opportunity, favorable geographical location and the support from people are the necessary prerequisites of success”. Sometimes the surrounding conditions are not fit for us to do something, we need to wait until the right time is coming. Before I entered the college, I wanted to make money reducing my parents’ burden. So when I graduated from high school, I went to work, however, as I didn’t have the professional knowledge and special experience, I just found some jobs which made the least money and did the heaviest work. I realized that it was not the time I should go to work, so I entered into the college, studied hard, and when I graduated from college, I found that I could find a job much better than before. Another obvious example is Buffett, one of the richest men all over the world, he always could get the revenue after many years he invested the stock market. It is the patience leads to his success.
Besides, patience may be the most time-saving strategy. Just people say “Right direction is more important than hardworking.” If you do not know how to make a crucial decision, you should wait until the direction is clear. Hastily taking action may lead to the wrong decision, you need spend time to do it again. My friends John, when he chose the major of the college, he hastily chose the material science major, just because it sounded cool. After one years’ study, he found it was a wrong decision, so he changed his major, but he would graduate later one year than us. If John spent more time on asking someone else, searching the information he would save the one year time.
Admittedly, taking action as soon as possible may be efficient sometimes, it also may lead to success accidently. However, if we want to save time in a long term and if we want to success all the time we need patience.

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-11-28 00:06:38

加油！

作者: 小八八八 时间: 2014-12-3 15:56:53

Hi 不好意思，我晚上9点半之后才能帮你批改，抱歉啊

作者: Richard_Fong 时间: 2014-12-3 20:42:14

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改好了~~:handshake

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-12-5 05:38:28

已改12.3号~

作者: bibaboo0 时间: 2014-12-6 09:41:59

it's ok!!
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作者: 浅蓝＆深蓝 时间: 2014-12-7 13:53:54

改好啦！

作者: shilei165 时间: 2014-12-7 15:14:42

浅蓝＆深蓝发表于 2014-12-7 13:53
改好啦！

看到啦，帮助很大，尤其是主语要用客观人称还有句子连接问题，多谢多谢！

作者: bethirty 时间: 2014-12-7 15:34:22

已改[attach]366192[/attach]

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-12-8 02:28:45

这么晚了。。不好意思

作者: ryy_18 时间: 2014-12-9 20:23:43

改好啦抱歉晚了

作者: 日落之后 时间: 2014-12-12 00:59:02

写的挺好的，可以看出LZ的逻辑思维很棒，如果能更详实一些就更好了，这样20分？独立fair吗？感觉不会啊，可能是你写的字数有点少，加油！
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作者: 一夕vv 时间: 2015-1-18 14:02:36

1.17已改～～

作者: flyccl 时间: 2015-1-18 15:39:50

本帖最后由 flyccl 于 2015-1-18 15:48 编辑

1.17已改
无论是语言表达还是结构都写的不错怎么会20呢是不是词汇方面还不够深度？
可以交流下！

作者: shilei165 时间: 2015-1-18 18:37:00

flyccl 发表于 2015-1-18 15:39
1.17已改
无论是语言表达还是结构都写的不错怎么会20呢是不是词汇方面还不够深度？
可以交流下！

可能是论证的力度不够吧。感觉你也有同样的问题。深度和广度都不够。

作者: flyccl 时间: 2015-1-18 21:05:04

shilei165 发表于 2015-1-18 18:37
可能是论证的力度不够吧。感觉你也有同样的问题。深度和广度都不够。

嗯但是想要在短时间内写出深度来不是很容易的

作者: 一夕vv 时间: 2015-1-20 12:17:51

抱歉小伙伴因为水平有限没啥好改的TVT，看来看去只有学习的份呀。
整篇作文对我来说没啥好挑的，就是感觉第四段的论点缺少了一个听力中重要的信息，就是除了pots还“contains lots of other materials”，而这些材料是不会被用来ceremony.

除了这个其他都很好呀，无论是听力内容的改写还是听力和阅读相结合都很巧妙。楼楼的综合写作分数应该还不错？不会是fair吧。
一起加油～～

作者: shilei165 时间: 2015-1-20 13:46:37

一夕vv 发表于 2015-1-20 12:17
抱歉小伙伴因为水平有限没啥好改的TVT，看来看去只有学习的份呀。
整篇作文对我来说没啥好挑的，就是感觉第 ...

真心得了三次fair。。。

作者: shilei165 时间: 2015-1-20 17:50:23

一夕vv 发表于 2015-1-20 12:17
抱歉小伙伴因为水平有限没啥好改的TVT，看来看去只有学习的份呀。
整篇作文对我来说没啥好挑的，就是感觉第 ...

你的作文我晚些再改哈。。

作者: 一夕vv 时间: 2015-1-20 18:57:07

shilei165 发表于 2015-1-20 17:50
你的作文我晚些再改哈。。

嗯嗯，没事呢。

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