乱羽乱舞的作文练习贴

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

自我介绍，本人英语学习较为随意，但有随手记录的习惯，语感、语法功底较好，最近首战托福作文23分，参加8月29号GRE考试。
从今日起练习作文与并参加相互点评，请多指教。
授权声明：本人为寄托ID 3024572的持有人，现通过本论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本人的所有习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

#3   27/7   issue 3
#5   27/7   issue 100  (reviewed&corrected)
#7   28/7   argument 100 (reviewed&corrected)
#8   29/7   issue 105 (reviewed&corrected)
#9   30/7   argument 34 (reviewed&corrected)
#10  2/8    argument 77（reviewed&corrected)
#11  5/8    issue 62  (reviewed&corrected)
#12  6/8    argument 135 (reviewed&corrected)
#14  9/8    argument166
#15  14/8    issue119
#16  16/8    issue 7
#17  17/8    issue 8
#18   18/8   issue 34
#19   18/8   issue 104
#20   19/8   issue 55
#21   20/8   issue 65
#22   21/8   issue 113
#23   22/8   issue 86
#24   24/8   issue 134
#25   24/8   issue 2
#24   25/8   issue 24

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

3) Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

I find it very hard for me to comply with the statement. In fact, educational institutions are not that much informed about the students as people supposed. Thus their assessment about students is not comprehensive enough to reach a sound conclusion. Furthermore, by interfering with students' pursuits for study, the chances are that it will lead to a serious problem when they apply for jobs.
       Most of the time, students themselves are the ones who should know well what they are good at or what they want to engage in in the future. So we should not replace their roles in deciding their own pursuits. Besides, it's already clear to most of modern families that parents should not get involved too much in making the decisions for the lives of their children, then what justifies that someone even far-related are faith-worthy to do so. Thus I do believe that leaving the students to make their own choices after collecting all the information they need sounds making  sense.
       In accord with this, it is clear that things always develop in a unpredictable way in our lives. Actually no one have enough foresight to predict if someone is going to succeed or not in a given field. Take Jack Ma -- the most famous Chinese businessman and philanthropist for example, this gentleman has been turned down by lots of investors for like hundreds of times, let alone earlier in his life many people  deem him as a total loser. However, he persisted on his own idea and now what, billions of people throughout the globe are taking advantage of the platform he developed everyday. So it's too easy to make a plausible judgment on others than to do it yourself, not to mention their judgments turn out to be wrong for many cases.  
      Even provided that it may be reasonable for them to take such measures, the influence can be surprisingly bad regardless of their well-intended consideration. Since there will be comparable more students in some specific fields of study, which are accessible for most of them and more likely for people to gain a footing in that area, it directly brings about serious employment issue in those fields that students have to compete for a considerably less positions with a huge crowd of competitors. Taking this into consideration in the first place, then their interventions are less tenable.
      As a conclusion, I think education institutions should not get too much involved in students' choices, though they can make reasonable suggestions or advises for reference. Eventually, the decisions ought to be made by those who are responsible for the result, which exactly are not them.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

乱羽乱舞 发表于 2015-7-27 21:25
3) Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study ...

欢迎加入 今天的题目是https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1865072-1-1.html

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

100) Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

I think the policy is not feasible. Admittedly studying abroad has always been a preferable plan for students in the present day, 断句 there are quite a few difficulties they should consider and overcome relating to the choice. If colleges and universities straightforwardly set it as a required norm, it will result in considerable problems.
they should consider - they指代的是？  
If colleges and universities straightforwardly set it as a required norm 选词
按照1+3模型的要求 主旨句要概括后面的内容  



In the first place, not everyone finds it appreciable to study abroad,断句 it must not （注意hedging- may not) be a reasonable way to meet his(her) study plan. When they have to divert from their previous schedule of course into a totally different new one, they will spend additional time and energy to accommodate themselves, which is less efficient. Furthermore, the new language and teaching style will make it yet harder to relate to the subject of study. So they can not make it a requirement that everyone should abide by, 断句instead, they should let the more capable students make their decisions.

appreciable选词
which is less efficient - which指代不明
relate to the subject of study不懂
they can not make it - they 指代不明

请学习1+3模型和范文后重写


Even if the teaching issue can be appropriately tackled with, a relatively high schooling fee and consumption living there will also create a burden to students. For some, it is merely affordable for them to pay for the extant schooling fee, sometimes they may have to rely on the helping hands of others, thus additional toll for study is too much a difficulty to deal with for them. The requirement should not be put in place before they can bring up a solution to the cost.

Besides, many inter-culture issues will cause yet more problems. Given that living in a new nation, one has to put up with totally new diet, new living style and the like, it can result in a lot of pressure in their mind. For instance, there are occasional news report about the severe incidents caused by international students living in the country, then it is a pressing task that must be solved before any decision about the policy should be made.

In all, studying in foreign country leads to a series of issues that students together with their families will find touchy and stressful. It will issue in serious problems if not properly dealt with. Thus colleges and universities should not make it a requirement without a further thought.
------------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------
I think the requirement is not feasible. Studying in a foreign university is not a necessity that all of the students should carry out, sometimes they will find it better for their studies if they choose to stay. The additional schooling fee and inter-cultural difficulties will also detract from the possibility for them to get along well in the new country.

In the first place, not everyone finds it preferable to study abroad, it may not be a reasonable way to meet his(her) study plan. When they divert from their previous schedule of course into a totally different one, they will  have to spend additional time and energy to accommodate themselves. Specifically, the new language and teaching style will make it yet harder to catch the subject of foreign classes. Sometimes teachers may even take it for granted that some related background knowledge is clear to all without realizing the fact that the information is not covered in the previous study of students from different countries. The overall misalignment will add to the difficulty for a efficient teaching and learning for both the students and teachers. So the board of the home universities  can not stipulate the requirement explicitly that everyone should study abroad for a period of time. Instead, they should let the more capable students make their own decisions.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-27 21:59
欢迎加入 今天的题目是https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1865072-1-1.html

ok， 初来乍到，还没来得及看各说明事项就先练了一篇，马上去补习先前的说明资料

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author (of) the application maintains that due to the popularity of both the annual jazz festival last summer and the jazz radio program in the city, jazz music is remarkably popular in Monroe. Besides, many famous jazz musicians also reside there and nationwide jazz fans are willing to make consumption on their entertainment, yet the nearest jazz club is so far (away) that a new jazz music club will surely make a fortune. However the statement is based on a certain assumptions that must not hold true.
must not hold true.注意hedging
a certain assumptions- 选词




For the first, the high attendance of the annual festival and the highly rated radio program do not lay a solid foundation for the argument that people in Monroe will feel like go(ing) to the jazz club and pay for it. In actuality, a large proportion of the audiences attending the festival last year may have come from districts outside the city. Also maybe the citizens can find enough entertainment by listening to the radio program for free that a new club is not marketable. Still, chances are 'Jazz Nightly' turn out to be the highest rated program as a consequence of the overall low quality of radio programs in the city. The author should provide more reasonable evidence that the citizens living there are passionate enough about the jazz music to pay for their hobby.

主题句没有提assumption


Secondly, despite the fact that the extant jazz club is an hour's drive away, it can not justify that a new one nearby will be equally competitive  to gain a footing. Even though there is a new club around, people may still want to patronize the old one because they are already used to the environment and decorating style there. And the musicians and friends they meet from time to time in the existing one will also make the old club more preferable. Other established advantage of the old one due to its long-standing history actually can make it more appealing than a new one, too. Thus the inconvenience does not justify the argument as well.

主题句没有提assumption  
justify that选词
justify  the argument as well 选词

Finally, the author refers to a recent nationwide study to suggest that jazz fans in the city will grant a amount of expenditure for their entertainment. The causal relation does not stand further examining. People's consumption varies from district to district in the nation, some extreme fans may even spend a large part of their wealth that the average consumption figure can be overrated. Thus residents in city of Monroe are not likely to make a tantamount consumption for sure. The soundness of the study is also questionable since no further data or description is provided. Considering that, the research does not argue for the statement of the author.

the research does not argue for- 选词 support
主题句没有提assumption


In a word, the application for loan is based on a number of unfounded assumptions. Consequently, a new jazz club in the city of Monroe may not be as profitable as the applicant suggests. Thus the application can not ensure the future income to pay back the loan even though it is funded.

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The developers maintain in the application that given the high attendance of Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer and the top rating of the radio program "Jazz Night" airing every night in the city, Jazz music is strikingly popular there. Additionally, despite the residing of the many renown Jazz musicians in Monroe, the nearest jazz club is comparatively far away. Yet based on a recent nationwide study, the expenditure lever of jazz fans are impressive. These factors, will probably make a new jazz club situated around the residents marketable. But the argument needed to be reexamined critically to assess the soundness of a number of assumptions it relies on, concerning  the actual popularity of jazz music in the city, the competitiveness of a new club and the credibility of the study mentioned in the application.

按照刚学到的结构先转述一下argument的内容，并引领后文将作辩证的主题。

For the first thing, it is unconvincing that the developer should assume(回应主题) people in Monroe will feel like going to the jazz club and pay for it according to the high attendance of the annual festival and the rating of radio program "Jazz Night". In actuality, a large proportion of the audiences attending the festival last year may have come from districts outside the city. Also maybe the citizens can find enough entertainment by listening to the radio program for free that a new club is not marketable. Still, chances are 'Jazz Nightly' turn out to be the highest rated program as a consequence of the overall low quality of radio programs in the city. The author should provide more reasonable evidence that the citizens living there are passionate enough about the jazz music to pay for their hobby.

For another, despite the fact the extant jazz club is an hour's drive away, that a new one nearby can be equally competitive  to gain a footing is still an doubtful assumption(回应主题). Even though there is a new club around, people may still want to patronize the old one because they are already used to the environment and decorating style there. And the musicians and friends they meet from time to time in the existing one will also make the old club more preferable. Other established advantage of the old one due to its long-standing history actually can make it more appealing than a new one, too. Thus the inconvenience does not support the argument as well.

Finally, a causal relation between a recent nationwide study and the conjecture that jazz fans in the city will grant a amount of expenditure for their entertainment is further assumed(回应主题) in the application, that does not stand up to scrutiny either. People's consumption varies from district to district in the nation, some extreme fans may even spend a large part of their wealth that the average consumption figure can be overrated. Thus residents in city of Monroe are not likely to make a tantamount consumption for sure. The soundness of the study is also questionable since no further data or description is provided. Considering that, the research does not corroborate the statement of the author.

以corroborate替换argue for,类似还有favor/validate/uphold。

In a word, the application for loan is based on a number of unfounded assumptions(回应主题) in reference to the popularity, the competitive power and the profitability of a new club. Consequently, a new jazz club in the city of Monroe may not be as profitable as the applicant suggests. Thus the application can not ensure the future income to pay back the loan even though it is funded.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

105) Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience.
Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

I do not think the claim will stand further examining. Imagination do occasionally outweigh experience in some kind of human activity, but only under specific conditions. Other than those situations, the extant habits and regulations have always been a more reliable approach to accomplish people's tasks. The point is that, most of the time a well-established storage of pertinent experience can pave the way for inspirational thoughts to function.

stand further examining不太确定可以这么用
Imagination do -does 动词用法
habits and regulations have always been a more reliable approach - 搭配
inspirational thoughts to function. 搭配   
没有看见你的1+3模型 主旨句的三部分  


Imagination is of great importance in some fields of study and research especially in the fundamental subjects like maths and physics. In these cases, scientists must come up with a lot of creative thoughts as a start to deal with their analysis. Since what remain as puzzles hitherto usually can not be solved based on the existing approaches, 断句 otherwise it must have been figured out before. For instance, Einstein had to develop his original theory of relativity in order to tackle problems about the phenomenon that previous ideas fail to explain. Likewise, Newton brought up the idea of calculus since the existing mathematical tools at that time can not serve to help him with his research. It is the innovative thought that keeps stimulating new progress to be made in those areas other than previous knowledge.
总的来说 语言表达还不错

However, in some comparatively less analytic situations, people may find it more efficient to refer to the conventions and habits in position in their workplace. Take the production of automobiles as an example, 断句 manufacturers always stipulate explicitly a series of standards that every worker in the factory have to abide by. If someone wants to give his own ideas that are at odds with the regulations a try, it will issue in a number of disqualified goods. Or in another case when doctors are offering treatment advises to their patients. What if some of them puts his creative thoughts into practice? Chances are medical tragedy may take place.   

in some comparatively less analytic situations,-    in situations that require less analysis
has to

If someone wants to give his own ideas that are at odds with the regulations a try, it will issue in a number of disqualified goods.  这句话太抽象了  issue good 搭配

Or in another case when doctors are offering treatment advises to their patients. 句子结构
例子太抽象 不够具体 没有说服力  



Taking all these into consideration, however, I do believe that for imagination to play its role, people had better study carefully about all the resourcse he can find related to his goal. The periodical table of elements would not have been brought out without examining the information of elements that have already been discovered. Knowledge that has stood a long time in the society is credible to some extent, it is unwise to neglect their efficacy in history. With this in mind, in order to achieve his goal in a given field, people need not to raise an absolutely revolutionary thought. Maybe some improvement in a specific aspect, with all else equal, will be sufficient to make a difference.

这是结论段么？ 还是另一个中间段？  这一段的中心是什么？  你一开始没有概括你想表达什么 接下来的例子想表达什么也不是很清晰  

其实是中间段，结尾没来得及写，所以还是想对应首段的1+3模型的。还有，确实是有想到哪写到哪的毛病，希望后面的练习能改过来。

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I think the claim will fail to withstand close scrutiny.Whether it holds true depends on concrete specifications. Imagination does occasionally outweigh the role of experience in some sort of human activity, such as fundamental science. For another thing,  the extant conventions and norms have always been more reliable to accomplish people's tasks in situations which is not demanding on the analysis ability. But in common cases that usually get between the aforementioned two, a well-established storage of pertinent information and experience can always pave the way for innovative action.

用fail to withstand close scrutiny来表达“经不起推敲”的意思，类似有 do not stand up to scrutiny。
动词用法和搭配问题，以后应在练习完成后检查时注意纠正。
把开头段作了修改，从而能清楚地对应1+3模型。

Imagination is of great importance in some fields of study and research especially in the fundamental subjects like maths and physics. In these cases, scientists must come up with a lot of creative thoughts as a start to deal with their analysis. Since what remain as puzzles hitherto usually can not be solved based on the existing approaches. (断句)Otherwise it must have been figured out before. For instance, Einstein had to develop his original theory of relativity in order to tackle problems about the phenomenon that previous ideas fail to explain. Likewise, Newton brought up the idea of calculus since the existing mathematical tools at that time can not serve to help him with his research. It is the innovative thought that keeps stimulating new progress to be made in those areas other than previous knowledge.

However, in some other situations that analysis ability or imagination is not strictly required, people may find it more efficient to conform to the customs and conventions in position. Just as in the case of automobiles production, where manufacturers usually stipulate explicitly a series of regulations and finished products are always asked to be calibrated, it is unwise to try out creative operations that are at odds with the norms. Provided a worker double the size of the accessories that he is in charge of, workers of all the other sectors will have to readjust their working procedures to accommodate the change. It will seriously influence the overall efficiency.      Or in another case, when a fisherman and a scientist are asked to go fishing. The seasoned fisherman is surely to catch more fishes and make more profits than the scientist, since he make the optimum choices about the timing and place to fish based on his rich experience, despite that the scientist is undoubtedly far more intellectual to imagine all possible scenes.

“in some comparatively less analytic situations”定语使用不当，调整了句子结构， “in some other situations that analysis ability or imagination is not strictly required”使得用词更合理。
例子部分都分别进行了详细论述，使其更符合文章主题

In the some other cases, however, it is common sense that for imagination to play its role, people had better study carefully about all the resources he can find related to his goal, as how many of the humankind discoveries are made. For instance, the periodical table of elements would not have been brought out without having scrupulously examined all the information of elements that had already been discovered at that time. Knowledge that has stood a long time in the society is credible to some extent, it is unwise to neglect their efficacy in history. In order to make a impressive progress in a given field, people need not to raise an absolutely revolutionary thought. Maybe some improvement in a specific aspect, with all else equal, will be sufficient to make a difference.

此段为第三个中间段，讨论的也是一种中间情形，与首段末句相呼应。

In summary, the comparison between the value of imagination and experience should only be made under specific conditions. When analysis ability is the principle criteria, imagination surpasses experience. And when   convention and efficiency are prior considerations, experience turns out to be more valuable. Otherwise, their roles will supplement each other for the best.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

Argument 34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits. "
"Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."

In the vice president's view, Climpson Industries should adopt an electronic monitoring plan in an effort to improve employees' productivity. By so doing, the clerks are prevented from using the Internet from their workstations for fear of anticipated punishment and also from wasting time. It will improve their work ethic and even the overall profits of the company. The argument is however unverified as it involves a number of  unfounded assumptions concerning the purposes of employees  for using the Internet, the efficiency of the measure to prevent time-wasting as well as whether the plan is conducive to cultivating a better work ethic and increasing profits.
The argument is however unverified  不符合题目要求
a number of unfounded assumptions不能说assumption是unfounded   



To begin with, the vice president assumes that employees' Internet use is wrongful so as to detract from their productivity. There is no description about what kind of business the company operates. Maybe the clerks are merely engaging in their task while using the network. Or they might not be able to accomplish their work efficiently without the aid of the Internet, such as doing online transactions with outside institutions, checking the information related to their on-going business and downloading the necessary documents from official websites. In this respect, the recommendation is unreasonable and will upset the employees since they may be  punished inequitably according to the plan. Consequently, the normal operation of the company will be perturbed.

Internet use is wrongful so as to detract from their productivity.不懂
这段内容不靠谱



Then he makes another assumption that by installing the monitoring software, the president can efficiently prevent employees from wasting time. This, too, would likely turn out to be questionable when further examined. In the first place, the clerks still can play games without going online. Moreover, they will devote themselves to find a useful way of circumventing the spying software to get access to the network without being detected. Thus the program may not function effectively. Even if the software can keep everyone from surfing the Internet at the workstation, the employees may still engage in personal and recreational activities with the help of their cellphones or tablets at hand. Taking all these into consideration, the plan will probably fail to control the usage of the network by the employees, nor will it help improve their productivity.

注意hedging
这段内容还不错


At last, his assumption about the causal connection between reduced access of the employees to the Internet and a better work ethic or even improved profits, is totally arguable. There is no evidence that undue Internet use during work time is the principal problem in the company. Maybe the employees are becoming less competitive, or the managers are corrupted, or perhaps the management structure is too outdated to function. In those cases, other than the implementation of a monitoring program, which is meaningless to make a difference, it is a total reformation that is needed to significantly change the work ethic and improve the profits.

assumption - arguable 搭配问题
我不觉得这里应该讨论其他影响效率的因素   
There is no evidence that- There is no evidence suggesting that

In general, the recommendation of the vice president is based on several assumptions which need to be further examined to assess their soundness. He may not fulfill his intention without pondering on the ideas about the rationality of Internet use, the efficacy to prevent wasting time and ways to ameliorate the company as a whole.

---------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------

In the vice president's view, Climpson Industries should adopt an electronic monitoring plan in an effort to improve employees' productivity. By so doing, the clerks are prevented from using the Internet from their workstations for fear of anticipated punishment and also from wasting time. It will improve their work ethic and even the overall profits of the company. The argument, however, involves a number of unreliable assumptions concerning the purposes of employees  for using the Internet, the efficiency of the measure to prevent time-wasting as well as whether the plan is conducive to cultivating a better work ethic and increasing profits.

两个形容词的用法，考试时还是尽量使用更有把握的词汇，避免出错

Fist of all, the vice president assumes that employees'  proper Internet use at work can be precisely discriminated from the improper one. Employees might well get punished even if he or she makes use of the network for the purposes of their normal work, especially accounting for that they have to perform all kinds of tasks in their daily work, whilst it is not explicitly elucidated in the argument how the software operates when put into practice. A related example is when a worker orders a batch of product for the company, instead of for himself, he may also be identified as violating the rule by the software. In this regard, when the erroneous judgments and punishments take shape in the future for several times, the enthusiasm of clerks at work and the work ethic may be seriously damaged that even the normal operation of the company will be perturbed.

此段由于对题干的理解存在歧义，属于审题出现重大失误，应多加注意，例子和逻辑均已按新的角度重新论述

Then he makes another assumption that by installing the monitoring software, the president will be able to efficiently prevent employees from wasting time. This, too, would likely turn out to be questionable when further examined. In the first place, the clerks still can play games without going online. Moreover, they might also(hedging用词) devote themselves to find a useful way of circumvent the spying software to get access to the network without being detected. Thus the program may not function effectively. Even granted that(换种表达) the software can keep everyone from surfing the Internet at the workstation, the employees may still engage in personal and recreational activities with the help of their cellphones or tablets at hand. Taking all these into consideration, the plan will probably fail to control the usage of the network by the employees, nor will it help improve their productivity.

At last, his assumption about the causal relation between the installation of the software and better work ethic or even improved profits, is also unsound. There is no evidence suggesting that undue Internet use during work time is the principle issue existing in the company. Maybe the workers seldom use the network for purposes unrelated to their work. Thus the installation of the system is not going to make a difference for sure. Further, by installing the monitoring system, it can result in a resentful sense of mistrust among the employees towards the management board. It is extremely hard to get top performance out of any employee who does not trust the manager. The employee might spend time to watch out of being punished while working, which takes away from their production and creativity. Thus they will not fully devote themselves into their work, nor will they come up with better ideas to keep the company ahead of its competitors. In this respect, the company is likely to lose profits.

重新展开论证视角，直接讨论因果关系的可靠性

In general, the recommendation of the vice president is based on several assumptions which need to be further examined to assess their soundness. He may not fulfill his intention without pondering on the ideas about the rationality of Internet use, the efficacy to prevent wasting time and probability to ameliorate the company as a whole.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

Argument 77) The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell's economy—and generate additional tax revenues—is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

According to the author, the fact that the tourism, businesses and tax revenues related to the nearby town of Ocean View have all been boosted simultaneously in the past two years after a new municipal golf course and resort hotel was built, is suggestive of a building plan of a similar project in Hopewell in expectation of a better economy and additional tax revenues. Whereas the argument involves some untenable assumptions accounting for the impact of the hotel in Ocean View, the similarity between the two towns as well as the prospective of the plan in Hopewell.
第一句结构太复杂 不太建议这么写
whereas不能引出独立的句子  



First of all, it is assumed that the impressive changes having occurred in Ocean View is in a large part a result of the golf entertainment. The is no evidence suggesting that the hotel together with the course is the only change in the past two years in the nearby town. It is likely that there is a number of other factors that have caused the result, such as a new tax policy, several concurrent infrastructure building plans or improvement made in the surrounding environment at the same time, instead of the golf activities. In this regard, the connection of the hotel on its own with the economy in Ocean View may not stand up to close scrutiny. And perhaps a similar building in Hopewell will not turn out to be lucrative, either.


a result of the golf entertainment.- building golf course and hotel




In the next place, even provided that the golf entertainment and resort hotel do contribute to the thriving of economy in Ocean View, the author somehow assumes that barring the hotel and golf course at issue, the conditions of the two towns is analogous to each other. Considering that it is not stated explicitly in the argument about the more details of the two towns, it may not hold true. If so, the imitation a of similar project in Hopewell will not guarantee a comparable influence to that in OC. Even when the project is materialized, it can be that the geological environment in Hopewell is not suitable for the golf activity, thus the project could fail to function.

even provided that- even if
barring the hotel and golf course at issue不懂
it is not stated explicitly in the argument about the more details of the two towns不懂





Moreover, it is further assumed that the new golf course and hotel in Hopewell will not be affected by the extant counterpart in OC. Since golf activities have been going on in the nearby town for two years, it might have already earned itself a widespread fame in the surrounding areas. People living nearby or far from the region may find it more appealing to go for the former due to the regular matches held there from time to time or skillful personnel that have already been properly trained in the past two years. The edge of OC golf activities over its competitor can make it more attractive that a new counterpart is not going to gain an equal footing or even be marketable.

这个point挺好


In conclusion, the role of golf course and hotel in the economy, the comparability of the two towns and the market prospect of a new counterpart in Hopewell is abruptly assumed in the recommendation. Thus it is not granted that the building project can live up to people’s expectation for sure.

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According to the author, the tourism, businesses and tax revenues of the nearby town Ocean View have boosted simultaneously in the past two years after the finish of a municipal golf course and resort hotel. Therefore, it is highly suggested that a similar project should take place in expectation of a better economy and tax revenues. Nevertheless,  the argument involves some untenable assumptions accounting for the impact of the hotel in Ocean View, the similarity between the two towns as well as the prospective of the plan in Hopewell.

犯了老毛病了，想到哪写到哪，不知不觉就写长了--！

First of all, it is assumed that the impressive changes having occurred in Ocean View is in a large part a result of building golf course and hotel. The is no evidence suggesting that the hotel together with the course is the only change in the past two years in the nearby town. It is likely that there is a number of other factors that have caused the result, such as a new tax policy, several concurrent infrastructure building plans or improvement made in the surrounding environment at the same time, instead of the golf activities. In this regard, the connection of the hotel on its own with the economy in Ocean View may not stand up to close scrutiny. And perhaps a similar building in Hopewell will not turn out to be lucrative, either.

In the next place, even if the golf entertainment and resort hotel do contribute to the thriving of economy in Ocean View, the author somehow assumes that besides the hotel and golf course at issue, the conditions of the two towns is analogous to each other. Considering that no more details of the two towns is given in the recommendation, it may not hold true. If so, the imitation a of similar project in Hopewell will not guarantee a comparable influence to that in OC. Even when the project is materialized, it can be that the geological environment in Hopewell is not suitable for the golf activity, thus the project could fail to function.

这里其实是想每次都用不同的表达方式，尽量丰富自己掌握的词汇库。barring 是见过别人用过来表达”prep 除了...以外“，看来不是很常见，以后不用了。
state的使用想当然了


Moreover, it is further assumed that the new golf course and hotel in Hopewell will not be affected by the extant counterpart in OC. Since golf activities have been going on in the nearby town for two years, it might have already earned itself a widespread fame in the surrounding areas. People living nearby or far from the region may find it more appealing to go for the former due to the regular matches held there from time to time or skillful personnel that have already been properly trained in the past two years. The edge of OC golf activities over its competitor can make it more attractive that a new counterpart is not going to gain an equal footing or even be marketable.

In conclusion, the role of golf course and hotel in the economy, the comparability of the two towns and the market prospect of a new counterpart in Hopewell is abruptly assumed in the recommendation. Thus it is not granted that the building project can live up to people’s expectation for sure.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

Issue 62）Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

I find the statement to be unsound when put into close scrutiny. Granted in some cases, leader is chosen by the crowd who need a voice to follow or to speak on behalf of them. Yet in many different cases, people either step out to become leaders because of their psychological need to be noticed, or unconsciously assume a leading role owing to their personal conviction.

Granted 语法 in some cases 这里没有指明是什么情况 导致你的观点没有解释和预测力

is chosen by the crowd who need a voice to follow 你用这个来替代demand 读者未必买账啊  
their psychological need to be noticed/personal conviction 作为成为leader的原因 感觉不是很靠谱 我看了后面再下结论吧  




As is common in the society, individual is often made into a leader when the surrounding crowd demand something on him. Take the recurring rebellions happened in history as an example. When the inferior class that is ruled by the government such as farmers and workers found it unbearable to withstand the heavy tax and unreasonable policy imposed on them, the dissatisfaction would ultimately lead to a war if not appropriately propitiated. Then the army might designate the most capable one among them as the leader that they could follow his guidance in the aftermath. In a another similar case when workers in a factory ask for better payment and improved work environment, some of them may be voted as the leaders. Thus later these people can start a efficient negotiation withe the managers as all the workers' delegate.

if not appropriately propitiated句子结构  

be voted as 选词


However in some other situations, a person will voluntarily seek for leadership as an effective way to meet his psychological need. For instance, earlier in his life, Napoleon was constantly despised by his classmates or even his friends who kept telling him he might not get to the social position that he declared that he can, 断句whereas he eventually become one of the most powerful king in the France history. It is believed by many psychologists that Napoleon's urgent need of power and victory is very much likely due to his intense desire to be admired. Likewise, the "crazy Jack Ma", who is the founder of Alibaba Inc in China, was rejected by a lot of employers and investors when he was young, even including KFC. In spite of the ubiquitous negative voice surrounding him, he successfully made his name known by people all over the globe as also a result of the desire to get noticed by the mass and to prove himself.

好像还挺有道理的
语言表达也还不错
as also a result of- also as a result of

Still in other cases, one may secure a leading position during his pursuit for his dream and his conviction.  As one of the most successful entrepreneur in U.S., Bill Gates devoted a large part of his early life into the improvement in computer design for the sake of the convenience of users. His dedication ultimately make him the most prominent leader in this field as well as the role model of businessman throughout the world.  Similar story emerged in the field of physical sciences, too. Copernicus and Kepler both insisted on challenging the conventional ideas about the theory concerning the center of the universe, as a result of their conviction of truth of nature. They are somehow recognized as the most influential scientists in this area ever since due to their strikingly important contribution to the subject.

Gates是做软件的  computer design这个说法就不准确了 他最大贡献是推出了WYSIWYG的视窗操作系统 是PC平民化
在Windows之前 大家都要苦逼的敲DOS命令
我觉得其实一个例子写深入一些就够了 比如你接着可以写Gates近年在慈善方面的领导作用  

To sum up, when examining the leadership in our society, it does occur that some leaders are created by people's demand. However, in more other cases, individual may secure the leading position in their area as a result of the personal need as well as the pursuit for his conviction.

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I find the statement to be, at least partly, unsound when put into close scrutiny. Admittedly, in some cases such as social revolution and business negotiation, leaders are chosen by the crowd based on specific demands placed on them. Yet in many other cases, people either step out to become leaders because of their psychological need to be noticed, or unconsciously assume a leading role owing to their personal conviction.

还是想使用写不同的表达方式，正确的用法应该是granted that 吧。具体分类情形应在主旨句中指明，这点以后要注意。demand的替代短语确实不能完全对应，不过一开始是想与第一种分类中的例子相一致，所以把它具体化了。

As is common in the society, individual is often made into a leader when the surrounding crowd demand something on him. Take the recurring rebellions happened in history as an example. When the inferior class that is ruled by the government such as farmers and workers found it unbearable to withstand the heavy tax and unreasonable policy imposed on them, the dissatisfaction would ultimately lead to a war if their anger was not appropriately propitiated. Then the army might designate the most capable one among them as the leader that they could follow his guidance in the aftermath. In a another similar case when workers in a factory ask for better payment and improved work environment, some of them may be designated as the leaders. Thus later these people can start a efficient negotiation withe the managers as all the workers' delegate.

"the dissatisfaction would ultimately lead to a war if (the dissatisfaction was) not appropriately propitiated",中间把“the dissatisfaction was省略了，还是不太清楚错误出在了哪，那就先不省略其主语了。
be voted as 用be designated as 或 be selected as 替代都可以，以后还是要用最常见的表达方式。

However in some other situations, a person will voluntarily seek for leadership as an effective way to meet his psychological need. For instance, earlier in his life, Napoleon was constantly despised by his classmates or even his friends who kept telling him he might not get to the social position that he declared that he can. (断句)Whereas he eventually become one of the most powerful king in the France history. It is believed by many psychologists that Napoleon's urgent need of power and victory is very much likely due to his intense desire to be admired. Likewise, the "crazy Jack Ma", who is the founder of Alibaba Inc in China, was rejected by a lot of employers and investors when he was young, even including KFC. In spite of the ubiquitous negative voice surrounding him, he successfully made his name known by people all over the globe also as a result of the desire to get noticed by the mass and to prove himself.

Still in other cases, one may secure a leading position during his pursuit for his dream and his conviction.  As one of the most successful entrepreneur in U.S., Bill Gates devoted a large part of his early life into the improvement in computer software programming for the sake of the convenience of users. His dedication ultimately make him the most prominent leader in this field. On the other hand, he found the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which was the largest charity foundation at that time, after realizing that he had an obligation to devote more of his wealth to charity. In this respect, Gates was also deemed as a role model for businessmen in the world that they should try to offer the helping hands to the philanthropic work.

按老师的建议，把只用Gates一个例子但是利用其在两个领域的领导地位来阐明论点。

To sum up, when examining the leadership in our society, it does occur that some leaders are created by people's demand. However, in more other cases, individual may secure the leading position in their area as a result of the personal need as well as the pursuit for his conviction.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

Argument 135) The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in the district of Sanlee many of these teachers reported assigning daily homework, whereas in the district of Marlee, most science and math teachers reported assigning homework no more than two or three days per week. Despite receiving less frequent homework assignments, Marlee students earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. These results call into question the usefulness of frequent homework assignments. Most likely the Marlee students have more time to concentrate on individual assignments than do the Sanlee students who have homework every day. Therefore teachers in our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

As is described is the statement, the survey shows that students in Marlee obtain better grades in school as well as less likely to spend an additional year of school than those in Sanlee, whereas they are less  frequently assigned homework by their math and science teachers. Then it is suggested teachers in high schools should assign homework less frequently. Nevertheless, there are a number of evidences required for a close scrutiny in regard to the discrepancy in the requirements of different schools, in the ability of students and teachers, and in the assignments made for the students.
a number of evidences - evidence 不可数
你的主旨句里没有考虑由数学物理到所有学科的延伸是否合理




When it comes to the requirements made by the schools, there is no more information given in the statement. In the first place, the result of the survey is not reliably suggestive of the difference in the quality of the education. Maybe schools in Marlee tend to establish a lower standard for students considering students devote less of their time to the homework. Thus it turns out that students there have a better performance in school. It is also not given in the statement that what the students' performance in other subjects such as arts and sports is like. Since the approach to learn a subject actually varies between areas, it is dubious that they should ask all high schools to assign less homework regardless of their differences.

the result of the survey is not reliably suggestive of 搭配


considering students devote less of their time to the homework. 句子结构
approach to learn动词用法
最后一个点在前面主题句里木有概括



The argument should be further examined based on more specification in respect to the difference in the ability of students and teachers. The argument will likely be left on a unsound ground if it turns out that students and teacher are always better in their academic performance and in the knowledge in the subjects covered in school even if the assignments are the same. People in Marlee may attach a greater importance to the significance of education that people in Sanlee, and the faculties and teaching facilities are also better in the former district. Then it is unwarranted to draw a conclusion that the amount of homework should be controlled.  

more specification- more information 选词

The argument will likely be left on a unsound ground if it turns out that students and teacher are always better in their academic performance and in the knowledge in the subjects covered in school even if the assignments are the same. 不懂你这句说的啥  比谁better


整段没说清楚




Further, as is also stated in the statement, even though students in Marlee are assigned less homework, however, they are very much likely to commit a large part of the spare time to their individual assignment. For example, when the students leave the school, they may still spend a hour or two to take an after class tuition. Taking this into consideration, chances are they have to devote more energy in their tasks in general. If so, the argument may prove wrong.

有了even though就不要however了 搭配
they are very much likely to commit a large part of the spare time to their individual assignment你凭什么说very much likely?  hedging的问题
这段没有讨论需要什么证据 未回应题目要求


Given all these consideration, people have to find more detail about the education and custom between the two district before they come to a conclusion. Specifically, they should have accounted for differences between the schools, the students, the teachers as well as the ways of study in the two district. (468)

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As is described is the statement, the survey shows that students in Marlee obtain better grades in school as well as less likely to spend an additional year of school than those in Sanlee, whereas they are less  frequently assigned homework by their math and science teachers. Then it is suggested teachers in high schools should assign homework less frequently. Nevertheless, there is a number of evidence required for a close scrutiny in regard to the discrepancy in the requirements of different schools and different subjects, in the ability of students and teachers, and in the assignments made for the students.

evidence是不可数名词，今后以后需切记

When it comes to the requirements made by the schools, there is no more information given in the statement. In the first place, the result of the survey is not convincingly suggestive of the difference in the quality of the education. Maybe schools in Marlee tend to establish a lower standard for students considering that students devote less of their time to the homework. Thus it turns out that students there have a better performance in school. It is also not given in the statement that what the students' performance in other subjects such as arts and sports is like. Since the approach to learning a subject actually varies between areas, it is dubious that they should ask all high schools to assign less homework regardless of their differences.

“the result of the survey is not reliably suggestive of”，用“convincingly”替代“reliably”，这样应该适合了。

The argument should be further examined based on more information in respect to the difference in the ability of students and teachers. This argument will likely be left on a unsound ground if it turns out that students and teacher in Marlee are always better in their academic performance and in the mastery of the subjects covered in schools even if the assignments given to students are the same. People in Marlee may attach a greater importance to the significance of education than people in Sanlee, and thus faculties and teaching facilities there are also better in the former district. Then it is unwarranted to draw a conclusion that the amount of homework should be controlled without taking into consideration that the level of education people have access to in different districts are not equivalent. Students living where the education resource is comparatively less may need to devote more time in their homework to meet their educational requirement.

Further, it is not given clearly in the argument that how much time in all do students in the two districts spend in all of their assignment, including both homework and individual assignment. Even though students in Marlee are assigned less homework, they have, as is also stated in the statement, more spare time to engage in their individual assignment. For example, when the students in Marlee leave the school, they may still spend a hour or two to take an after class tuition. Taking this into consideration, chances are they have to devote more energy in their tasks in general. If this is the case, the argument may prove wrong.

Given all these consideration, people have to find more detail about the education and custom between the two district before they come to a conclusion. Specifically, they should have accounted for differences between the schools, the students, the teachers as well as the ways of study in the two district.

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乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

166) The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. This shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds. Furthermore, since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, attendance levels will improve. Therefore, we recommend the daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The argument infers based on the correlation between the high fish consumption in nearby East Meria and the low incidence of visiting the doctor for treating colds in the same area, that eating a large amount of fish will, at least partly, prevent colds. With regard to this, a daily use of nutritional supplement derived from fish oil could be used to reduce the aforementioned disease and further lower the absenteeism level in school and work affected by colds. Yet the correlation alone amount to scant support for the argument. And a number of questions in respect to the reason for the high fish consumption level, the efficiency of eating fish in preventing cold, the reliability of the absenteeism record related to cold as well as whether the nutritional supplement can effectively substitute for fish.

The question involving what the local eating habit is like should be answered in the first place. The high fish consumption does not equal to a conventional habit of eating fish in the same area. In fact, there may be a manufacturing factory which produces medicine and fish can using fish as one of its main ingredient, and the product is later transported to areas far away from East Meria. As a result, the fish consumption level can be elevated to a high level even though local people do not eat fish very much.  It is further questionable that the efficacy of eating fish in preventing cold should be taken as granted. What if people in the district also tend to exercise more as well as frequently participate in the local sport games? The proper exercising could be the main reason for the low cold incidence instead.

Whether colds are the primary cause of absenteeism in the district, is another question that needs to be answered. Although colds are frequently given for absents from schools and works, it does not mean that people absent there are really affected by the disease. They can  lie about their physical illness, in view of the fact that they may feel reluctant to attend school everyday and they can get one day off by lining. Or maybe they do not know the true reason their diseases and merely think of them as colds. Thus absenteeism level will not drop even if colds can be controlled by eating fish.

Still whether the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil can be an efficient substitute for fish is suspectable. As is known by many people in the resent days, fish meat is highly nutritional and contains a variety of salutary protein. Accounting for this, taking in fish oil may not be as conducive to people's physical condition as eating fish, let alone the nutritional supplement derived from it. If this is the case, perhaps the daily take-in of nutritional supplement can not prevent colds as suggested by the argument.

To sum up, the argument make a assertive and also questionable conclusion about how to prevent colds and lower absenteeism in the district. The way suggested by the author, however, is unwarranted without answering a series of question regarding to the difference in eating habit and exercising habit between districts, the reason of absenteeism, and the efficacy of nutritional supplement in preventing colds.

乱羽乱舞UID: 3024572

119) When old buildings stand on ground that modern planners feel could be better used for modern purposes, modern development should be given precedence over the preservation of historic buildings.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

The author suggests that using the land to satisfy modern purposes is prior to preserving the historic old building standing on it. In my view, it will be on a more solid ground if we make our decisions depending on the basis of specific cases instead. If modern development should take precedence over the preservation of historic buildings should be decided on the issue concerning the function and physical condition of historic buildings, the modern purposes planned for the land as well as the special value involving historic buildings other than pragmatic use.

When it comes to the judgement whether an old building should be preserved, the role it plays and the status quo of it are very important criterion. Antiquated buildings that not only have a long-established history but also play an significant role in the history should be preserved in most cases. Like the Palace Museum in China, it has always been a place of interest that people tend to visit in order to better understand or appreciate the historical incidences, cultural characteristic and heritage that took place or were used in the old days. In this regard, it is more preferable to keep the architecture in place in spite of a amount of money needed to spend on protecting their physical integrity. However, when the building is in very poor condition, such as some very old tempers or outdated houses, it is too dangerous to further use them, nor is it highly valuable to appreciate  the past . In this respect, people should raze them thus they could further make better use of the available land.

Turing to the modern development needs, on the other hand, we should think over the needs in different aspects before razing an old building. Some of the historic buildings may find themselves sitting in the developing center of the city or standing in the way of a modern highway, for example, it can result in a series of inconvenience if keep leaving them there. Even though it may be considered as historic buildings that are very valuable in people's mind, building a modern commercial skyscraper or a inter-city highway can otherwise remarkably boost the local economy and ameliorate people's living standard. Then the memorial value should make a concession to the modern development. Yet in other cases, when the old building stands on the ground that planners want to build living apartment instead, then it is less necessary to give up their existence for modern purposes cause people can easily find alternative construction sites elsewhere.

Another aspect competing with the practical use of the land is the aesthetic or architectural value of the building. Ancient buildings are sometimes counted as the only or moribund heritage of their specific styles existing in the world, and it is very hard or even impossible to build a similar substitute even with the aid of modern technique. Likewise, some of them could even be regarded as the landmark of a city or a nation. The Great Wall, for example, though no longer serve to function as of defending against the invasion in present-day, but it has always been important if we want to look into the cultural evolvement and military history of ancient China closely. Even if someday people may find it standing in the way of a modern infrastructure project, they will strive to preserve the building or make adjustment accounting for unique aesthetic and cultural value of the historic building.

To sum up, whether the existence of an old building should give in to the modern purposes people have planned should be decided on the case-by-case basis. They should always consider the condition and role of the building, the modern development and the specific value other than practical use of the building.