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标题: [ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩) [打印本页]

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-4-16 17:51:42     标题: [ AW 4.0 诊断计划 ] 正式来袭! (请仔细阅读规矩)

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-6-23 12:52 编辑

目标AW4.0 甚至4.0+的童鞋们 赶紧看过来~
超级超级值得一试的AW诊断贴 出来啦!!  大牛出马 ---- 人气嘉宾AW满分帝王老师  针对你的AW问题一一指点, 量身定制, 根据个人基础和水平, 提供专属建议. 让你在面对AW不再弃疗!
书店中琳琅满目的AW书籍,质量参差不齐, 各说各的AW写作方法. 王老师的6分博客以及一系列资料虽然很高质量, 但是面对广大群众, 并不太具备针对性. 这次, 王老师为你 把把脉, 提出针对建议!
本次除了王老师之外,还有多位高分斑竹倾情赞助~

王老师寄语:
我想来这个帖子留言的同学 最好还是先通读一遍我的博客 包括博客上可以下载的两个PDF  其实认真读那些材料 并尝试按照上面的指引去做 这个过程是很痛苦的 因为里面的很多内容可能跟你之前学的英语作文不太一样  

但是 如果你没有耐心去读那些帖子的话 你发到这里来的东西 我很大可能就是重复我以前博客里讲过的内容 这是很无聊的一件事

我很希望大家读完我的博客里的范文和提纲之后 受到一些启发 思考和尝试动笔写之后 再来这里提问
另外我的博客里还有一些楼层有之前的高分版友的经验 也是值得关注的

总的来说 写作是很困难的  大部分人都写不好 无论是母语还是英语
但是文明就是人通过文字所构建出来的
扯得远了 留一个链接分享我的近作
https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/21353215


参加要求( 满足下列条件者之一可以参加我们的诊断哦~):
(1) 已经考过G, 对AW分数不太满意, 想要更高的
(2) 没考过G, 但是知道AW的基本方法, 已经限时 ( 50min以内) 且独立写过完整Issue / Argument 各两篇以上

最后有一个必备的要求哦(所有参与的同学): 能坚持每天花费至少一小时的时间准备AW( 不管是限时写作还是打提纲)
如果不符合要求的同学, 不要灰心, 不要弃疗, 仍有得救( 这里若如此弱弱地说, 他每天花2个小时准备AW, 三个星期之后带着300多个字和N多拼写错误的AW拿了3.5 =_=, 童鞋们一定不要弃疗!!!!)

对于仍未入门的童鞋, 请看这里~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1947486-1-1.html 可耐的浩克版主倾情归总的AW版的所有资料,  来来来,千万别错过哦~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html 实力大牛王老师的6分blog, 走过路过一定要看过~
然后自己独立写出完整的AW后, 找到自己的问题, 就可以过来诊断了~

基本规则:

本帖下面回复“某月某日占楼”,向我们介绍你的基本情况。理论上应该是信息越多,我们越能更好的提建议哦。


1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好


2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
是什么问题让你对AW弃疗呢? 是你觉得写的字数太少了吗? 论证不充分? 例子太少? 写的时候一脸懵逼?来来来, 详细复述你对AW的感觉和问题, 给我们更多的information~
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题



最后的最后, 请各位诊断完的版友 AW 出分后及时反馈下,谢谢( 前提是每天都有投入一定时间在AW上 )

版友们赶紧来吧~

-------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------

各位得到诊断的版友AW出分后请及时反馈下, 看看是否达到了你的理想分数, 也能够让我们的活动及时调整, 谢谢!
作者: sabayon12345    时间: 2016-4-16 20:28:36

第一个吗~~4月16日占楼~
1、去年十二月份考过G,分数3.5,托福以前24分
2、许多比较复杂深刻的题目想不出具有逻辑的连贯的论证,或者只能相出一两个小点,无法建立论点之间的联系。论据缺乏,不能完整支撑论点。且语言表达吃力,很多时候想说的话没有很好的表达出来。

AW
82.Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
1.第一段就按照王老师方法引题加论点。
第二段写实施这个建议对学校和学生都有经济上的负担。学校需要大量的资金支持,势必会影响学校其他服务和设施的支出,像是图书馆的书籍更新和教学楼的维修管理等。而对于学生则生活费的负担问题,许多学生都无法负担国外的生活费支出或者觉得这样的支出不值得。
第三段是写出国读书有很多种目的,如果是为了某些不可代替的原因如体验不一样的校园生活和国外文化,则这样的出国项目有帮助
第四段写但是大部分出国读书可以得到的,在现在网络社会也可以得到,比如公开课等,不必非得去国外才行。
最后一段结尾总结
2.However, as for students who take studying abroad as a chance to experience a new method of teaching or learn a new education system, it really can be replaced. In the era of the Internet, being in a foreign class is no more expensive. You can go into different classes in countries around the world by simply opening the Internet Explorer or Chrome, entering the website of Coursera and clicking one of the many courses it provides. How convenient and efficient. They don't have to worry the money problem and bother to get a visa.
3、问题是首先文章架构不是很好,第三四两段其实应该是一点,但是当时由于字数上的考虑认为分成两段,显得有点混乱。也有一个原因就是想不出第三个论点,只好把一个拆成两个用。还有就是第四段的论述不是很充分,对于替代方案的描述单调,不够深入。
希望老师能给我提供一些建议和指导~也期待和G友们一起努力~谢谢各位~
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-4-23 20:13:00

sabayon12345 发表于 2016-4-16 20:28
第一个吗~~4月16日占楼~
1、去年十二月份考过G,分数3.5,托福以前24分
2、许多比较复杂深刻的题目想不出具 ...

没太看明白你的1 2 3分别是什么
1是提纲么 但是没有看到你的整体观点 只有中间段的分论点
2的一段英文是什么?
按照1+3模型
TS (pt1, pt2, pt3)
ts (pt1)
ts (pt2)
ts (pt3)  

你按这个格式写四句话试试  

作者: sabayon12345    时间: 2016-4-25 19:51:49

tesolchina 发表于 2016-4-23 20:13
没太看明白你的1 2 3分别是什么
1是提纲么 但是没有看到你的整体观点 只有中间段的分论点
2的一段英文 ...

就是按照楼主所规定的回帖的格式呀,
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的: 1. 每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 不必全篇贴出)  2. 你觉得最需要改进的完整一段 3. 自我分析认为存在的问题

按照老师的要求写四句话是:
TS:I will first consider the financial cost of conducting such policy making studying abroad a requirement for all the students. Then the purpose of spending one semester in a foreign country will be discussed in order to judge whether the policy is necessary.
ts1:To begin with, the financial cost of adopting such requirement is a problem both for universities and students.
ts2:Some students want to learn a foreign culture, sharpen a foreign language skill or an experience a different type of campus life. Those are the purposes that studying abroad can serve.
ts3:However, as for students who take studying abroad as a chance to experience a new method of teaching or learn a new education system, it really can be replaced
其实2,3两点算是一个一点,但是练习的时候想不起来还能写出哪一点所以就把一段分成了两段不知道可不可以>_<
谢谢老师的指导!
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-4-25 21:58:28

sabayon12345 发表于 2016-4-25 19:51
就是按照楼主所规定的回帖的格式呀,
按照老师的要求写四句话是:
TS:I will first consider the finan ...

你的主旨句只是在做signposting 并没有提出自己的观点  也就是到底同意还是不同意
没有明确的观点这篇文章就废掉了  

作者: sabayon12345    时间: 2016-4-26 21:59:12

tesolchina 发表于 2016-4-25 21:58
你的主旨句只是在做signposting 并没有提出自己的观点  也就是到底同意还是不同意
没有明确的观点这篇文 ...

观点是不同意~谢谢老师提醒,下次要把观点也挑明~
作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-10 10:07:11     标题: 20160510占楼

本帖最后由 winnersjtvxq 于 2016-5-10 10:30 编辑

2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW,但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛,比赛成绩全校第一,按这个水平来说,应该还是可以的?

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
目前感觉我的AW有一个致命问题,打字速度和脑袋跟不上,应该是不能一心二用,单独打字速度可以,单独写作速度也可以。整个30分钟下来,就能写出300+ word,而且写作的时候,就算自己已经列出提纲了,写着写着就觉得自己不能再follow提纲继续写下去,思路会改动,这一改动就又完了,时间更不够了。

请提供一篇AW:
Issue: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
1. 全文中心论点 :Technology is not necessarily deteriorate human’s capacity of thinking by themselves.
TS1: People could grasp knowledges more rapidly with technology. 论据是因特网带来的便利。即使是远在中国的学生,通过网络,也能很快接触到美国最新的科技成果。
TS2: Technology not only can help us in master known world, but also ascend into realms beyond reach. 论据是:人们利用科技更快地完成以前很耗时的工作,节约下来的时间可以用来探索未知世界。比如说农业机械化时代,农学家可以把精力花在育种和探索生命奥秘上,而不仅是着眼于天气,水利。
TS3: Admittedly, there are chances that some people rely too much on technology and reject to think, thus their capability of thinking would be destroyed. However, I would say it is laziness that destroy a man, not technology. 论证反面段落,具体例子没能举出来。
2. 你觉得最需要改进的完整一段
TS3: Admittedly, there are chances that some people rely too much on technology and reject to think, thus their capability of thinking would be destroyed. However, I would say it is laziness that destroy a man, not technology. Will you expect a man who is unwilling to think with plethora of resource would think without new ideas prodding on their back? It is human nature to explode unknown kingdoms. New technology can help vanguard pacing the way to the promising land.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
我的语法似乎存在比较严重的问题,会花很多时间去把自己的观点变成一个通顺的句子。还有我的举例论证,是不是应该围绕着例子展开分析?而不是先分析,再一句话带上一个例子?

请老师帮我看一看我的问题,还有想问问,考场上紧张的气氛,写作速度一般会变快还是变慢呢?
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-10 14:05:57

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-5-10 14:07 编辑
winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 10:07
2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW,但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛, ...


因人而异, 有些人考场上就会一片空白, 写得很慢.
有些人就会很激动, 哒哒哒就写完了..
关键是平常心对待,莫紧张,把考试当成一篇练习的作文, 过快过慢都不好
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-10 21:10:11

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 10:07
2016年5月10日占楼
1. 个人基础
距离考G还有12天? 写过AW,但是没有评过分。以前参加过大学校级写作比赛, ...

语法的问题是基本功  is deteriorate
关于科技的讨论 不能泛泛而谈科技 而要具体讲某种科技  思考的能力也不能泛泛而谈 而要将思考的能力具体化语境化  具体可参考我的示范
段落内句子之间应该是一环扣一环的  
建议你仔细读一下我写的 或者 OG的这道题范文 看看我们如何立论及在段落中展开论述
个人觉得想好写什么比动笔写更重要 没有想好怎么写就急于动笔肯定写不好文章


作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-10 21:46:44

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-10 21:10
语法的问题是基本功  is deteriorate
关于科技的讨论 不能泛泛而谈科技 而要具体讲某种科技  思考的能力 ...

那老师您建议在考试前把issue pool的文章都列一遍提纲的做法可取吗?
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-11 00:45:48

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-10 21:46
那老师您建议在考试前把issue pool的文章都列一遍提纲的做法可取吗?

1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33<109>, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2)        Human attitudes and behaviors (11<99>, 38, 61, 78, 93, 141)
3) Method of inquiry or development of a field (2, 9, 22<122>, 27, 56, 77, 103, 105<106, 126>, 143)
4) Challenging the authority (17<68>, 18, 21, 23, 42, 65, 66, 89)
5) Leadership (8<111,149>, 16, 50<86,115, 139>, 62, 69, 104<107>, 114, 123, 128)  
6) Disagreement and argument (34, 60<151>, 49<76, 118>, 79<146>)  
7) Evaluating greatness of merit (28<113,120,121,127,145>, 94<147>, 41, 55, 108<110>, 75<84,44>, 30<83>, 144)
8) Curriculum design (6<14, 96, 116>, 13<46, 70, 102, 112, 140, 142>, 40<47, 90>, 54, 82<97, 100, 124>)
9) Choice of major or goals (15<135>, 20<32, 39, 98, 136>, 3<35, 129, 137>, 51<71>
10) Learning and teaching (37, 58, 45<138>, 48<87, 92>, 24<29, 52>, 57, 73, 74<133,134>, 81<95>, 101)
11) Resources allocation (5<117>, 7<80, 88>, 12<25>, 19, 36<72>, 59, 131)   
12) Tradeoff (10 <125, 148>, 119, 31<63, 67>, 53, 85, 130 (150), 152)
除了issue 4 scandal之外,151道issue可以分作12组
这个是我的博士论文的部分成果
低调的在这里分享一下
所以你可以每一组里面挑两道题来准备  也可以准备更多
丰俭由人













作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-11 10:10:02

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-11 00:45
1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2) ...

前人种树,后人乘凉,真的非常感谢!
作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-11 22:33:10

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-11 00:45
1)        Human development under the influence of technology (issue no. 1, 26, 33, 43, 64, 91, 132)
2) ...

王老师,我想再打扰一下,您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对,我自己感觉即按照提示写了,也正反面都论证了,不知道从老师专业的眼光来看,是否还可以?有哪些需要改进的地方呢?
写argument我感觉没有issue那么难,写得也较轻松,不知道我是不是自信错了?

argument题目:
"Commuters complain that increased rush-hour traffic on Blue Highway between the suburbs and the city center has doubled their commuting time. The favored proposal of the motorists' lobby is to widen the highway, adding an additional lane of traffic. But last year's addition of a lane to the nearby Green Highway was followed by a worsening of traffic jams on it. A better alternative is to add a bicycle lane to Blue Highway. Many area residents are keen bicyclists. A bicycle lane would encourage them to use bicycles to commute, and so would reduce rush-hour traffic rather than fostering an increase."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


我的文章:
It seems plausible at first glance regarding adding a bicycle lane to Blue Highway in order to reduce its rush-hour traffic. However, there remains some statements which need specific evidences to make this argument valid and invulnerable.

The argument provides as evidence that a worsening of traffic jam on the nearby Green highway after adding a lane to widen the highway, indicating adding an additional lane to Blue highway will not be sufficient to reduce the traffic jams. To better support the argument, evidence is needed comparing the road conditions of Green highway and Blue highway. If detail evidence shows that the extra lane attracted an influx of vehicles to the Green highway, making its traffic condition worsen than ever, while the throughput of Blue highway is fixed, this evidence can surely undermine the argument, because it is obvious that an extra lane can help reducing a part of cars. On the contrary, if the vehicle flux trend on the Blue highway is the same as Green highway, the recommendation would be strengthened.

The argument claims adding an additional bicycle lane can attract people to use bicycles to commute. Regarding the efficiency of bicycle, the distance between the suburb and the city and the time consuming by bike should be provided, to show whether riding bike can reduce the time spend on the road, proving the lane dose attract people to ride bicycles. If the distance between suburbs and the city center is so tremendous as to cost 4 hours to go to work by bike, comparing to 1 hour by cars despite the traffic jam. This argument would be undermined sharply considering even those who are enthusiastic about bicycles would not willing to spend such a long time on the road. However, if the time spend by bicycle is adequate to or less than driving a car, then the evidence could strengthen the argument.

Evidence regarding the number and proportion of residents who are keen bicyclists is also crucial in deciding whether adding a bicycle lane can reduce rush-hour traffic. The argument claims that many area residents are keen bicyclist without specified the exact number and proportion. To understand the validity of this measure, we need to know the whole traffic volume, the exact number and proportion of bicyclist and the percentage of bicyclists who are willing to cycle to work. Providing there are ten thousand vehicles on Blue highway during rush-hour, only 500 of the vehicle owners are bicyclist and few of them is willing riding to work, adding a bicycle lane seems no use under this circumstance. If the entire volume of vehicle is ten thousand, while half of them are keen bicyclist, and all of them are inclined to go to work by bike, then we can surely notify the validity of the argument.

The argument should provide evidences to strengthen its validity. Unless detailed evidences are provided and valued, the argument would falls apart with scrutiny, and adding a bicycle lane would be insufficient solving the traffic problem on Blue Highway.


作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-12 09:35:32

winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-11 22:33
王老师,我想再打扰一下,您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对,我自己感觉即按照提示写了,也正 ...

你的文章基本结构和句型都符合题目要求
具体内容可以参考我的博客里的示范 比对一下有没有漏掉重要的攻击点

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-12 13:14:39

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-5-12 13:17 编辑
winnersjtvxq 发表于 2016-5-11 22:33
王老师,我想再打扰一下,您能帮我看看我针对argument的argue方式对不对,我自己感觉即按照提示写了,也正 ...


Issue比较灵活, Argument通常有固定的模板, 也就是套路. 你的感觉没错, Argument比Issue好写很多
句式之类的,建议你可以看看王老师的博客,也可以找一找模板, 看看一些套话怎么写较为正式.
不过,个人感觉ETS很注重干货, 主要攻击点不要漏,次要攻击点找到2个就比较合适(一段)
作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-12 21:10:58

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-12 09:35
你的文章基本结构和句型都符合题目要求
具体内容可以参考我的博客里的示范 比对一下有没有漏掉重要的攻击 ...

好,我现在也正在练习挑选几十个pool中的题目谢谢提纲,谢谢老师!
作者: winnersjtvxq    时间: 2016-5-12 21:12:05

若如此 发表于 2016-5-12 13:14
Issue比较灵活, Argument通常有固定的模板, 也就是套路. 你的感觉没错, Argument比Issue好写很多
句式 ...

我会注意搜集一些例子的‘干货’,以免考场上发现不了。谢谢版主!
作者: 黄嘉小白    时间: 2016-5-14 01:19:25

先G后T党~6月5号第一次考,才开始准备,用的就是王老师的材料撒~我觉得作文这个东西很难提高,因为其他部分错了还能改,而作文每次都是自我感觉良好(大学上写作课的时候哈),最后分数差异很大,现实很骨感~跪求大神指点,自己写的第一篇argument,现在每天4个小时看作文,各列10篇提纲,因为列的很详细,很费时很担心考前列不玩,求指点迷津,感激不尽~
维科英汉词典      
To evaluate the recoommendations made by the director of student housing at Buckingham
College that the College should build a numberof new dormitories to serve the housing needs of  students, there are three more evidence about the current and the future demand of student dorms, the prices condition of student dorms and the off-campus fee on renting and whether attractive dormitories will make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham, which above need to be provided in detail and then to draw an sound conclusion.
First of all, the director should provide more evidence on the current and the future demand of student dorms. There is not absolute connection between the student number and the number of student dorms, for example, the more enrolling student come from the local and then they don’t need to be bothered by housing. Even if a positive relationship between the two, no one is undoubtedly sure that the student number will keep increasing over 50 years. Nowadays, the enrolling situation is good and as the tendency, there are a lot of things which will affect this trend in the later years, like the employment status, the quality of teaching. As a result, without evidence on relationship between the demand of student dorms and the growing number of student, to make such a recommendations may be a hasty decision.
What’s more, more evidence on the price in the student dorms and the off-campus fee. The director mentioned that the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years, which increases the difficulty for our students to afford off-campus housing, but without any evidence to show is it the real ideas from the student. We may consider the increases renting result from the improvement pf living condition and the rise of the average salary, and under such circumstances, the student can still afford it, and build op new dorms will lead to a waste.         In order to fully evaluate this article, we would also need to learn more about   whether attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll
at Buckingham. Of course, while choosing schools, we might take teaching level, the employment status and the school’s security condition and so on into account, but there is no evidence to show that whether attractive new dormitories will be a potential factor to affect students and their parents’s thoughts. Consequently, it will be a risky recommendation to serve the students’ demand.
To sum up, it is difficult to decide whether v building new dormitories may have learned to make it better to serve students’ need on housing and increase the enrollment. to assess the strength of the argument, the director might gather more information about different issues discussed above.
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-14 19:58:43

黄嘉小白 发表于 2016-5-14 01:19
先G后T党~6月5号第一次考,才开始准备,用的就是王老师的材料撒~我觉得作文这个东西很难提高,因为其他部分 ...

我建议你看看Toulmin模型那个帖子
首先将题目的argument分作
claim data 和warrant  
然后再逐个讨论
你发练习的时候 可以先在每段的开头注明一下你这段重点讨论哪个claim  
以及和我写的示范和提纲比对一下
不管是我还是其他版主来看你写的练习 都不可能重头到尾看一遍  
你得把文章的presentation做得比较方便评阅  

这也是对参与这个活动同学的建议
找人点评需要有更强的目的性和针对性  
还有你竟然没抄题

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-14 20:06:48

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-14 19:58
我建议你看看Toulmin模型那个帖子
首先将题目的argument分作
claim data 和warrant  

额..刚才看得太快, 一时没发现他没达到要求....

真是麻烦王老师了, 不好意思
作者: 小米同学    时间: 2016-5-15 21:56:55

5月15日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 20分,不想重蹈复辙,离考G还有两个星期,平时会用英语记日记,写正式文章的时候感觉表达的方式太简单

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
issue部分很让我着急的是思路问题,拿到题目的时候想到的东西太少,之后找范文的时候才恍然大悟还能这么写,然后就是感觉全面里面重复的语句会存在一些,觉得表达很累赘,但是写的时候又考虑字数

请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
All college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

1.中心论点:不同意上述说法
TS1  it will cost a lot of money to live in the foreign country for such a long time
TS2  spending one semester in s foreign university may break your study schedual in your university.
TS3  Still, the exchange program can bring some advangte to you. Living in a foreign country which is totally different from where you live for more than twenty years can be a precious experience you'll chirsh for a life-long time.

2.
TS1 Firstly, it will cost a lot of money to live in the foreign country for such a long time. Maybe some one would tell me that there are some scholarship we can apply to cover the expense during the semester. There is often the case that the scholarship can only cover the tuition of the exchange semester, we still need to pay for our living cost

3. 写作素材太少,写作的套路和技法也不成熟,目前最大的问题就是要在两个星期的时间达到至少3.5分,希望得到老师的建议


作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-15 23:21:35

小米同学 发表于 2016-5-15 21:56
5月15日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 20分,不想重蹈复辙,离考G还有两个星期,平时会用英语记日记,写正式文章 ...

两个星期有点赶, 请问你每天花费多长时间准备AW? 每天练习多少篇文章?
作者: 小米同学    时间: 2016-5-16 10:57:27

若如此 发表于 2016-5-15 23:21
两个星期有点赶, 请问你每天花费多长时间准备AW? 每天练习多少篇文章?

谢谢版主回复~
每天晚上三个小时,包括整理资料以及练习,每天写1篇issue,列两三篇提纲
作者: 黄嘉小白    时间: 2016-5-16 13:19:39

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-14 19:58
我建议你看看Toulmin模型那个帖子
首先将题目的argument分作
claim data 和warrant  

好的,对不起,之前太不走心了~
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-16 18:15:57

小米同学 发表于 2016-5-15 21:56
5月15日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 20分,不想重蹈复辙,离考G还有两个星期,平时会用英语记日记,写正式文章 ...

前两个理由都是成立的 关于费用 你可以强调对于经济能力有限的同学不太合适 这样可以回应题目所讲的all students  
break study schedule这个point如何展开 或许强调一下海外的课程和自己大学的课程不太衔接会更具体
有时候仅仅想到point是不够的 要想到支撑的细节才能写出一个段落来  
至于第三个point 就有点和前面的不太一致  或许你可以强调只是部分专业的同学可以从中受益  这样也可以作为anticipate and address challenge来写  

另外,你要尝试将三个point合并成一个主旨句 而不是仅仅表明立场


作者: 小米同学    时间: 2016-5-18 08:17:17

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-16 18:15
前两个理由都是成立的 关于费用 你可以强调对于经济能力有限的同学不太合适 这样可以回应题目所讲的all s ...

谢谢老师~
作者: zhen2016g    时间: 2016-5-19 10:07:34

1.        考过T,没考过G,T 22分
2.        主要问题:
一、写的太慢,经常一篇文章要写近一个小时,而且是按王老师的要求写好了提纲的前提下。我自己总结了主要有点导致写的很慢:
(1)想的慢,虽然主题想好了,但是把这个主题很有逻辑的扩散成一个段很难,经常感觉无话可说。
(2)想好中文翻译成英文也慢,有的时候这种句式翻译不出来就要换别的句式来翻译导致耗费了很多时间。
(3)有时候想好了的主题句发现没啥可写的,又得换主题句耗费了时间。
  3.提供aw
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. 由于这道题要求我们讨论在多大程度同意某命题,以及这个命题何时成立、何时不成立,我 们的基本观点可以是
under conditions A or B, the statement is true because ...; when conditions C or D are met, the statement does not hold true because ...
而中间段就针对 conditions A/B/C/D 展开讨论即可。

关键词: technology thinking ability solve problems
提纲:
It is not deny that more and more people rely on technology to solve the problems and technology will soon substitute their thinking. But, i think whether or not our ability of thinking would deteriorate over time depends on the personal character and social roles we are in society. (1)For people who like thinking and enjoy finding new things, it will definitely improve their thinking ability. (2)What’s more, for people who invent these technology and want to invent more advanced technology that make life more convienent will also improve. (3)Nevertheless, if people don’t like thinking and want to solve problems all by technology, the statement may hold true.
这段存在的主要问题,我感觉语法上我感觉有挺多问题。
麻烦老师可以帮忙诊断一下,谢谢老师




作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-19 11:41:43

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2016-5-22 19:22 编辑
zhen2016g 发表于 2016-5-19 10:07
1.        考过T,没考过G,T 22分
2.        主要问题:
一、写的太慢,经常一篇文章要写近一个小时,而且是按王老师的 ...


写文章花时间长的问题需要弄清楚时间花在哪里,是想不出写什么还是知道想写什么却要花很多时间组织句子来表达 这两个问题性质是不一样的  前者严格来讲不是英语的问题 而是思维的问题和内容的问题 要解决这个问题 需要多刷题库 多积累思路和例子  后者是语言功底的问题 需要通过多模仿多练习来提高  

一个好的主题句的其中一个特点就是要能够扩展 能往下写出3-4个句子来  
中间段展开有难度可能是因为干货不够  
你随便找几个我的示范里的中间段 分析一下 看看我是怎么展开的  通常来讲都是有干货的
it is not deny that 这明显有语法问题 这是基本功的问题 可以考虑用Grammarly 一个月200元左右

如果想单纯练习语言表达,可以先根据范文列一个提纲 照着提纲来写 这样就可以不必考虑写什么而专注于怎么写  
汉译英很难写好文章 要慢慢的建立一个自己喜欢喝熟悉的句子库 写的时候可以顺手拈来  

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-19 12:55:18

zhen2016g 发表于 2016-5-19 10:07
1.        考过T,没考过G,T 22分
2.        主要问题:
一、写的太慢,经常一篇文章要写近一个小时,而且是按王老师的 ...

写一篇文章近一个小时.
童鞋你写了几篇AW了? 我刚开始也是1小时左右, 不过后来写多了就好了, 关键要掐时写作, 才有压迫感.

你提到 中文翻译成英文很慢. 这个可能和你阅读水平有关,  长难句都熟练了吗? 我写作的时候脑子里想的都是英文, 而且看多了长难句就会下意识写出一些 "小长难句". 以及你阅读水平上去了, 写作也会有相应提高.
个人建议, 把英语当作自己母语, 不要翻译, 这样很慢而且有可能语法出错
作者: zhen2016g    时间: 2016-5-22 19:12:31

tesolchina 发表于 2016-5-19 11:41
写文章花时间长的问题需要弄清楚时间花在哪里,是想不出写什么还是知道想写什么却不要花很多时间组织句子 ...

嗯嗯 谢谢王老师的回复,我会注意这几点的。。
作者: zhen2016g    时间: 2016-5-22 19:13:37

若如此 发表于 2016-5-19 12:55
写一篇文章近一个小时.
童鞋你写了几篇AW了? 我刚开始也是1小时左右, 不过后来写多了就好了, 关键要掐时 ...

谢谢版主的回复,嗯,确实现在我尽量在改变这种思维模式,不然到时候真的写不完,现在还是要50分钟写一篇,不过每天尽量都写,希望慢慢能变好
作者: 桑茉    时间: 2016-5-26 10:55:33

谢谢分享
作者: luoyuhuits    时间: 2016-5-30 21:26:44

本帖最后由 luoyuhuits 于 2016-5-30 21:28 编辑

1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)

我的问题是 思路难找 一般想好得5分钟左右 然后开始写了时候自己感觉的论据会有些不扣主体 时间也卡的不好 写篇500+文章在四十分钟左右
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:

----------------------------------------------------------
我写的是ISSUE 4: Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.(Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.)
1.   我不同意这个观点 因为scandal只是满足了人们扭曲的好奇心 而并未带来什么真正的效用 相反 其对社会变革以及scandal的受害者有坏处 一个challenging的idea是 However,people may argue that under election,we need adequate scandals so that the people we choose to vote for is trustworthy,I remain conservative about this arguments because I think scandals are always can’t be adequate.
2.   这一段应该算挺差的 我感觉没有具体谈及对个人的坏处。。。In addition to the great loss of the vague scandal can bring to the society ,the victim of the scandal ,will suffer greater loss.Almost every popular scandal are targeted at public figure because they can catch more attention from the public,consequently,bring more hits count and boost the sales of journals.Bulid a good name ,is not easy ,it relies on good personality and tons of public relation work,etc.Ironically,to destroy a good fame,it’s way easy,sometimes you just need a picture of someone taking drugs or posting indecent behavior.As every rational person should know,those claimed public figure are no diifferent to us ,they have unacceptable sides too.Even so,when it comes to these people ,we all tend to treat them unjustly and dig into every weaknesses they have.With such pressure,many public figure suffer from bipolar ,depression and etc.
3. 自我分析觉得存在的问题:
  写的太慢 以及没什么料这应该也是写的太慢的原因之一吧
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-5-30 23:42:14

luoyuhuits 发表于 2016-5-30 21:26
1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

500+ 40min

你觉得这500多是不是真的都是表达到位/ 凝练了? 有没有很多废话/ 套话?

亦或者: 是不是真的需要500+ , 多写干货少废话会不会时间不用那么长?
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-5-31 11:32:31

luoyuhuits 发表于 2016-5-30 21:26
1. 个人基础
考过一次T 作文只有21分。。 没考过G   作文一直是自己的弱项

这是一道比较冷门且不太好写的题目 我不建议初学者直接写这一道题
写GRE作文乃至任何作文的基本原则是想清楚自己的立场和思路再动笔写全文
感觉你都没有想好就勉强写 这样不利于你的复习进度

『我不同意这个观点 因为scandal只是满足了人们扭曲的好奇心』 建议用英语写一个thesis statement  需要回应题目的内容 题目的关键词是attention  你的观点里也应该有attention

另外 这种比较难的题目 建议直接借鉴我的范文的思路和内容 换成自己的话和自己的例子就可以了
  
作者: 混混学霸    时间: 2016-6-6 08:47:11

本帖最后由 混混学霸 于 2016-6-6 08:52 编辑

不好意思。参照要求重新改了下:

-------------------------------------

1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好

大学的时候考过,现在都过期了。当时老G的作文是3分。

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)

写的时候一脸懵逼。issue 33 按照王老师的思路写。写知识对于普通大众来说,具备知识世界变得更加全面了。想写这种知识是作为主流的一种,但是展开的话会不会偏题呢?

写的是ISSUE 33(109),

33 As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

109 Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.

观点立场是:
With more knowledge, is the world more perplexed or more understandable? It depends on who are applying them and for what reason.

TS1:For ordinary people, knowledge demonstrate many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge accepted and perceived from mainstream media or learned from textbooks in school, have penetrated into our daily life. 举例:史前人们将打雷解释为雷神发怒。爱因斯坦发布相对论,解释了下他对航天的应用;对日常生活的影响,孩子想要成为航天员。

TS2:However, for scientists, knowledge is like one key, a link in a chain. Knowledge reveals more problems: deep innate plausible reasons and discovering predicted outcomes. 还是举的相对论的例子。爱因斯坦1915年发布相对论,预测了引力波。给物理学家们带来了无数难题:experiments should be designed, new module in which test data can be accommodated is urge to be established, as well as tests to invalidate some hypothesis.直到2016年。更糟的的是,在这个过程中,都可能出现分歧的观点,一方无法说服另一方。

------------------------------------------------------------------
自我分析:一个论点后面的分论点展开不是很熟练



作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-6 12:29:42

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-6 08:47
不好意思。参照要求重新改了下:

-------------------------------------

请你给出一段你觉得有问题的段落(全篇), 分析下自己的问题是在哪里, 不太熟练有点泛
作者: 混混学霸    时间: 2016-6-6 15:02:39

本帖最后由 混混学霸 于 2016-6-9 15:40 编辑

想写 对于普通大众来说,knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到,板上钉钉;是结论性的事实,可以帮助了解世界。对于科学家来说,knowledge带来很多问题,需要深入研究。

对于普通大众来说,后面分论点不知道怎么展开?如果花几个句子阐述从教科书上学到的是怎么样的知识,是不是偏题了?

这一段我是这么写的:

For ordinary people, knowledge explain many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge learned from textbooks in school, adovocated through publications, TV as mainstream in repective field, reshape our perspective toward the world and make the latter more understandable. In prehistoric, for example, thunder showed rants of thunderman. Now, with knowledge, it is just one ordinary natural weather. Human are not scare of it anymore, instead thunder has been applied to understand the electricity. In physical science, take “general relativity ” of Einstein for example. Relativity is one reason that mass and energy can be converted into each other, which is how nuclear power plants work, and why the sun shines. The theroy can also explain the pinpoint accuracy of GPS navigation in your cars and mobile phones. Euipped with knowledge, the world is more accessible.
作者: 一念永恒笔趣阁    时间: 2016-6-6 23:08:17

支持支持!!!
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-8 10:58:42

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-6 15:02
想写 对于普通大众来说,knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到,板上钉钉;是结论性的事实,可以帮助了解世界 ...

写英语文章不比写汉语。写汉语心里想什么就写出来,八九不离十。英语呢,我们的母语不是英语,不可能随心所欲的表达。也不能翻译,翻译出来的东西必定惨不忍睹。唯一能做的就是通过阅读学习和模仿比较地道的表达。
你写的这些表达显然是自己编出来的,而不是根据自己的阅读的文字来模仿的,所以就呵呵了。
另外,你选的例子明显不是普通人的知识啊。

作者: 混混学霸    时间: 2016-6-8 21:08:44

谢谢老师的指导。我下个月初考好捉急。
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-8 21:47:50

混混学霸 发表于 2016-6-8 21:08
谢谢老师的指导。我下个月初考好捉急。

还有差不多一个月, 慢慢来, 一天一篇, 自己修改, 思考不足之处.
作者: 混混学霸    时间: 2016-6-9 15:41:36

想写 对于普通大众来说,knowledge从主流媒体跟教科书上学到,板上钉钉;是结论性的事实,可以帮助了解世界。对于科学家来说,knowledge带来很多问题,需要深入研究。

对于普通大众来说,后面分论点不知道怎么展开?如果花几个句子阐述从教科书上学到的是怎么样的知识,是不是偏题了?

这一段我是这么写的(改后):

For ordinary people, knowledge explain many once enigmatic, intimidated phenomena. Knowledge learned from textbooks in school, adovocated through publications, TV as mainstream in repective field, reshape our perspective toward the world and make the latter more understandable. In prehistoric, for example, thunder showed rants of thunderman. Now, with knowledge, it is just one ordinary natural weather. Human are not scare of it anymore, instead thunder has been applied to understand the electricity. In physical science, take “general relativity ” of Einstein for example. Relativity is one reason that mass and energy can be converted into each other, which is how nuclear power plants work, and why the sun shines. The theroy can also explain the pinpoint accuracy of GPS navigation in your cars and mobile phones. Euipped with knowledge, the world is more accessible.
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-17 16:08:21

本帖最后由 Angelyyy 于 2016-6-17 16:09 编辑

6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考,Verbal跪的厉害,AWA刚写,时间太紧6.26考试,不求文采主攻内容。

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
我没有弃疗……只是因为Magoosh不提供批改,想求大神帮提建议求提升~
1. 全文中心论点
题:Universities should require students to take courses only within those fields they are interested in studying.
主段:Many people may hold the point of view that the University students need to get the best education.However,students has there rights to choose the directions they want,anybody except themselves can do this.Moreover,to a part of students,focus on the courses they like will benefit them most,but to the other part,things are opposite.
分段主旨1:To the students who are major in science or other subjects that needs long hard concentration to investigate,it's better to take the courses they like.
分段主旨2:On the other hand,the students who are halfhearted in study is better to learn more courses that help them grow well.
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 ) To the students who are major in science or other subjects that needs long hard concentration to investigate,it's better to take the courses they like.Otherwise,they may be affected by other things which useless and timewasting for them so that they can't get good grades in their own field.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
速度慢,对英语的积累不够
这篇是模考的时候30min写的,只写了280多字……很尴尬
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-17 16:19:11


Argument(据楼主说要重新开一贴,于是我就很乖的开了)

6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考,Verbal跪的厉害,AWA刚写,时间太紧6.26考试,不求文采主攻内容。

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
我没有弃疗……只是因为Magoosh不提供批改,想求大神帮提建议求提升~
1. 全文中心论点
题:Recent incursions by deep-sea fisherman into the habitat of the Madagascan shrimp have led to a significant reduction in the species population. With the breeding season fast approaching, the number of shrimp should soon begin to increase. Nonetheless, the population should not return to the levels before the fishing boats arrived. Because this trend is expected to continue over the next several years, the Madagascan shrimp will quickly become an endangered species.
驳点1:According to material,the time of the reduction of Madagascan shrimp is after the arrival of deep-sea fisherman,and the approaching increase will be during the breeding season.And the author hold the point of view that the reason of shrimp's reduction is the fisherman's incursions.
驳论1:However,the temperature,the sunlight,the adversary of shrimps,as well as the food of shrimps all can be the factors leading to the reduction of one creature specie.As the result,the reason from the author can't be solid enough to convince.
驳点2:Moreover,the author brought the consequence that the Madagascan shrimp will be an endangered species.
驳论2:On the contrary,there is big possibility for us to hold the idea that they might return the amount as origin after the breeding season.As the material mentioned,the number of shrimp has reduced once,so that the fisherman will consider this and might slow their pace to wait the breeding season's increase.We can't dismiss the possibility that the fisherman are experienced enough and have the sense.Meanwhile,as for the shrimp family themselves,they will take measures to maintain their existence.So it's very likely to see the baby boom in the Madagascan shrimp habitat.
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 ) According to material,the time of the reduction of Madagascan shrimp is after the arrival of deep-sea fisherman,and the approaching increace will be during the breeding season.And the auther hold the point of view that the reason of shrimp's reduction is the fisherman's invcursions.However,the temperature,the sunlight,the adversary of shrimps,as well as the food of shrimps all can be the factors leading to the reduction of one creature specie.As the result,the reason from the auther can't be solid enough to convince.
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
老问题
这篇是模考的时候30min写的,要比issue多几个字,200多……尴尬
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-17 18:29:49

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-17 16:08
6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考,Verbal跪的厉害,AWA刚写,时间太紧6.26考试,不求文采主攻内 ...

刚写? 这是你写的第几篇呢? 之前有没有分析过具体哪方面导致速度很慢
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-17 19:59:02

若如此 发表于 2016-6-17 18:29
刚写? 这是你写的第几篇呢? 之前有没有分析过具体哪方面导致速度很慢

第2篇~对于英语的表达能力还是很捉急的,我觉得这是最主要的原因。
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-18 11:24:18

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-17 19:59
第2篇~对于英语的表达能力还是很捉急的,我觉得这是最主要的原因。

表达能力也是分很多种的, 能否在具体一点?

你想一下导致表达能力不太好的原因, 以及写完之后你有没有自己先修改过.
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-18 14:48:07

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-17 16:19
Argument(据楼主说要重新开一贴,于是我就很乖的开了)

6月17日占楼

你的argument竟然不是练的真题? 还是ETS又更新题库了?
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-18 14:50:42

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-17 16:08
6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考,Verbal跪的厉害,AWA刚写,时间太紧6.26考试,不求文采主攻内 ...

感觉你对题目的意思理解不够
原题讲的是大学应该只要求学生修读自己感兴趣领域的课程
这里的关键在于 学生不感兴趣的领域的课程对于学生有没有必要 学校是否应该要求修读
你的文章需要回答这两个问题 否则就偏题了

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-18 17:39:25

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-17 16:08
6月17日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过Magoosh模考,Verbal跪的厉害,AWA刚写,时间太紧6.26考试,不求文采主攻内 ...

咦, 同学请问这篇是你的Magoosh作文吗...? Magoosh的作文并不是用的官方题库,是自己出的
作者: 料理小兔    时间: 2016-6-21 09:33:31

6月21日占楼。
王老师您好!
个人情况:考过两次GRE,作文都是3分。一直没啥新提升。
具体情况:1 练过二三十个issue的提纲,但是写完就记不清以前写的了。写过十几篇issue,没有被点评和交流过,所以提升效果不明显。2  字数问题。我上考场要想几分钟才开始写,字数总是在300-350徘徊,标准按照“总-3个情况分析-总”的格式写。
所以我想知道我的文章到底出在哪些问题上,差距在哪里?逻辑?语言?还是其他大方向的错误。非常感谢~


Issue 20
Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

开头:我用最近的高考和侄子问我如何选专业引出话题,兴趣重要
第一段,兴趣是最好的老师,讲述兴趣的专业在大学里面的优势
第二段,兴趣的专业可以为工作提升幸福感
第三段,兴趣才可以成就一个人
第四段,兴趣和热门专业事实上并不矛盾,只需要结合起来
结论,兴趣为先,用侄子选择了喜欢的专业收尾。


How do students choose their majors according to interests or popularity is an issue to be discussed and thought of. Three days’ 2016 college entrance exam ended ten days ago and students in China are busy choosing their majors. When my nephew asked me for advice, I got simple answer: firstly choose your interests, and then reality. There are four reasons.
Interests are best teachers. When you choose a favorite major, you have great passion to explore more knowledge in your field. You search for more books in libraries, go to laboratory for teachers’ help and do part-time job in companies. All what you do have the same reason: for interests. Meanwhile if you are academic at your field, you are confidence and charming. Good personality follow with that, more eagerly to take part in group job, kind-hearted to help others with study, colorful life.
The second reason is that you should do a job with happiness. A lot of people choose their job related with their majors. He can be a salesman at medicine field because he studies medicine at school. He is deeply marked with what he has learnt. So choosing a major is so important. When you choose a major with bright future like finance without enthusiasm, you may earn a lot of money but no passion. So will you be happy if you get enough money? Will you think about doing something that you really interested in after retirement? Also, hot major may not be hot anymore, however you interests can last for so long.
Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm. A lot of great people’s stories told us it is sharing and contribution to society that achieve people’s final goal. The establisher of Pixar had great passion in combining animator film with computer science, then he set a new animator world. One famous film named TOY STORIES, our memories of childhood, was the beginning of 3D cartoon. Disney absorbed Pixar’s technology finally to make its films more competitive and created ZOOPOPIA in 2016. It is interests changed the whole world.
To the last point, interests and popular are not opposite. If you want to choose a perfect major, you’d better combine two things together. For example, if you are favor in drawing, also quite good at math, you can consider architecture. But architecture is not a hot major any more in your country, you can turn to choose to be structure designers in airplane field. In this case, you add your interests to your bright major.
To sum up, it is so important for us to choose a suitable major, considering with your strength, interests, as well as its popularity. And interest should be put at the first place. My nephew finally chose to be a doctor cause he liked while his parents thought finance was perfect and he would like to go aboard for further learning. I am so proud of him.

June 16, 2016
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-21 20:51:58

料理小兔 发表于 2016-6-21 09:33
6月21日占楼。
王老师您好!
个人情况:考过两次GRE,作文都是3分。一直没啥新提升。

不明白你为什么要在开头段举例子 尤其是举一个考官可能不理解的例子 开头段的在提出问题后要明确地提出观点 而不是举例子
firstly choose your interests, and then reality.  这是什么意思 你写的句子完全不make sense啊
你需要提出一个观点是回应题目的 这里题目讨论的重点在于选择学习领域的时候是考虑这个领域有没有工作 还是自己的兴趣  
你中间段的开头都没有提出一个回应题目的分论点   

建议你老老实实的模仿范文 不要标新立异 不要别出心裁  即使拿不到理想的分数 至少也要走上正确的道路 而不是离写好文章越来越远
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-22 17:28:20

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-18 14:50
感觉你对题目的意思理解不够
原题讲的是大学应该只要求学生修读自己感兴趣领域的课程
这里的关键在于  ...

老师您说的有点抽象啊,能不能具体一点,谢谢了~~~
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-22 17:29:10

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-18 14:48
你的argument竟然不是练的真题? 还是ETS又更新题库了?

老师不是真题就不能诊断吗(心好塞)
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-22 17:30:11

若如此 发表于 2016-6-18 11:24
表达能力也是分很多种的, 能否在具体一点?

你想一下导致表达能力不太好的原因, 以及写完之后你有没有 ...

1 缺乏练习
2 缺乏动力
3 没有氛围
作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2016-6-22 17:30:51

若如此 发表于 2016-6-18 11:24
表达能力也是分很多种的, 能否在具体一点?

你想一下导致表达能力不太好的原因, 以及写完之后你有没有 ...

额,我还没有自己改过
我想先听听别人的建议再综合修改,类似于高中写英语作文的感觉
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-22 18:04:35

Angelyyy 发表于 2016-6-22 17:30
额,我还没有自己改过
我想先听听别人的建议再综合修改,类似于高中写英语作文的感觉

1. 现在大家都很忙, 老师也是抽空过来看看的, 你可以尝试下自己先改正下, 对比老师的范文来思考下自己的不足之处, 这样更有针对性

2. 不是真题, 考场上就不会碰到..... 也就是说, 你练习的这篇是考场见不到的... 价值就没那么大. 不是说不可以诊断, 只是少做无用功, 直接练习真题更好
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-23 11:53:49

若如此 发表于 2016-6-22 18:04
1. 现在大家都很忙, 老师也是抽空过来看看的, 你可以尝试下自己先改正下, 对比老师的范文来思考下自己的不 ...

这个帖子有一个问题 就是我反馈之后 很多时候版友就没有下文了 然后就没有然后了  
我感觉是不是可以依照我的范文或者ETS的范文设计一些练习给大家写一下段落  
这段时间还在找工作 GRE作文确实不是优先的关注了
我想来这个帖子留言的同学 最好还是先通读一遍我的博客 包括博客上可以下载的两个PDF  其实认真读那些材料 并尝试按照上面的指引去做 这个过程是很痛苦的 因为里面的很多内容可能跟你之前学的英语作文不太一样  

但是 如果你没有耐心去读那些帖子的话 你发到这里来的东西 我很大可能就是重复我以前博客里讲过的内容 这是很无聊的一件事

我很希望大家读完我的博客里的范文和提纲之后 受到一些启发 思考和尝试动笔写之后 再来这里提问
另外我的博客里还有一些楼层有之前的高分版友的经验 也是值得关注的

总的来说 写作是很困难的  大部分人都写不好 无论是母语还是英语
但是文明就是人通过文字所构建出来的
扯得远了 留一个链接分享我的近作
https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/21353215
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-23 12:51:23

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-23 11:53
这个帖子有一个问题 就是我反馈之后 很多时候版友就没有下文了 然后就没有然后了  
我感觉是不是可以依照 ...

是的, 很多同学只是把这个帖子当作 批改AW的汇总..

我叫过诊断过的同学到时反馈分数, 都没多少人回. 都成了伸手党了.

我也想过这个问题, 这个帖子最终目的是诊断, 而不是批改AW. 不过近期考试月, 等我过一会再想一想怎么把这个帖子的导向说明白
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-23 14:17:44

若如此 发表于 2016-6-23 12:51
是的, 很多同学只是把这个帖子当作 批改AW的汇总..

我叫过诊断过的同学到时反馈分数, 都没多少人回. 都 ...

这个明显是论坛不及正规学校课程的地方  
缺乏对老师和学生的约束  
你可以看看我去年开的一些帖子 召集了一些同学一起练习 效果还不错
但是我最终并没有从那些活动中拿到有用的数据
所以对我个人来说不算很成功

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-23 19:22:37

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-23 14:17
这个明显是论坛不及正规学校课程的地方  
缺乏对老师和学生的约束  
你可以看看我去年开的一些帖子 召集 ...

是的, 我看过老师之前的练习贴, 版友的活跃度都不错.

Gter一大优点是无私分享, 一大缺点也是这个.

现在备考GRE的很多都是理工科, 急急忙忙求速成AW, 可惜了, 有些话还是不版聊

也是要谢谢老师的无私贡献, 真的很棒
作者: lilsummer0807    时间: 2016-6-25 04:14:33

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-6-25 06:00 编辑

~~~~~~~~~~~~求指点~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者其他类型的写作吗? 写作水平如何? 越详细越好

考过老G AW 3.5
写过一些文章。。临场发挥不好


2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
是什么问题让你对AW弃疗呢? 是你觉得写的字数太少了吗? 论证不充分? 例子太少? 写的时候一脸懵逼?来来来, 详细复述你对AW的感觉和问题, 给我们更多的information~

临场发挥不好。立论不够精准。


请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
Issue 2:To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Thesis: 基本同意加小让步
I strongly support the idea of studying its major cities in order to understand the important characteristics of a society. However, the value of small cities cannot be ignored.

Supporting 1.
The main reason underlines my position is that major cities are mirrors of the economics of a society.

Supporting 2.
Moreover, because of the large scale of the major cities, one can get a great grasp of all the important cultural characteristics of a society through studying the culture of its big cities.

Opposing1.
However, in the terms of getting to understand a society, small cities are as equally critical as major cities as they provide indispensable diversities in many aspects.



2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )

The main reason underlines my position is that major cities are mirrors of the economics of a society. Big cities bear the majority of the resource for a company to grow, including market, logistics, talents and so on. Large corporations, which are the critical component of a society, usually locate in big cities. For example, the most successful IT company, IBM, choose its headquarter in New York city for its abundance of IT professional, its convenience of logistics and its big opening of the market. One must look into the history of IBM and its relationship with NYC in order to understand the internet economy of the United States.

3. 自我分析认为存在的问题

语言比较贫乏,欠缺逻辑。。。
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-6-25 06:03:31

lilsummer0807 发表于 2016-6-25 04:14
~~~~~~~~~~~~求指点~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者 ...

请问你平时发挥的状态呢? 你给自己打多少分
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-6-25 16:26:49

lilsummer0807 发表于 2016-6-25 04:14
~~~~~~~~~~~~求指点~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. 个人基础
考过T或者G了吗? 之前写过AW或者 ...

题目指引需要复制一下
underlines这里应该用现在分词后置 语法才对

题目中有一个关键概念是important characteristics
这个概念其实比较抽象 我的范文里将这个概念具体化了   
The most important characteristics of a society include its political system, economic structure and the public school system.

你的中间段提到economics 但是没有明确将economcis和题目的major characteristics关联起来
事实上你花了不少篇幅讨论大城市里的大公司 但是 真正回应题目的One must look into the history of IBM and its relationship with NYC in order to understand the internet economy of the United States. 这句话并没有展开 所以整段对题目论证的支持并不充分  








作者: lilsummer0807    时间: 2016-6-29 07:38:04

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-25 16:26
题目指引需要复制一下
underlines这里应该用现在分词后置 语法才对

多谢,很有启发。
作者: lilsummer0807    时间: 2016-6-29 07:38:31

若如此 发表于 2016-6-25 06:03
请问你平时发挥的状态呢? 你给自己打多少分

现在给自己打3分吧
作者: 料理小兔    时间: 2016-6-30 10:23:55

tesolchina 发表于 2016-6-21 20:51
不明白你为什么要在开头段举例子 尤其是举一个考官可能不理解的例子 开头段的在提出问题后要明确地提出观 ...

谢谢老师~我找模板重新写下
作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-8 14:42:33

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-7-8 15:09 编辑

1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项,但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套用范文。
2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
没有例子,没有语言,还在积累中ing。。。
看了一段what economics has to do with the law 简直一下子就用上了,可能还要继续看继续积累吧。

请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的: (构思用了很久,有了构思以后,大约40分钟完成,后来又花了20分钟修改了语句但没有大改)
ISSUE46:Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey or resist unjust laws.

1.TS:Given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and that individual rationality often fails the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.
TS1:Self-righteousness cannot be deemed as responsibility in terms of lack of capability and limited resources.  
TS2:The social unrest caused by disobeying the unjust law are not welcomed. This arises when individual interests do not necessarily prove to be integrity in the view of collective interests.
TS3: individuals are not always rational.In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.



2.
最需要改进的一段:
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by relentless propaganda, and individuals are not always rational. “Cultural Revolution” in China serves as an example. During the ten-year suffering event, the laws are all disrespect as government party disclaimed its validity as it is of capitalism opposed to communism justice. This wrecked havoc the society in terms of the economy, culture and politics. Such sad story is the result of a disobeying of “unjust” laws. In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.

3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
语句、逻辑可能还有问题

作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-7-8 14:59:32

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项,但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

你好童鞋, 不要整篇贴出来哦~ 贴你觉得最需要改进的一段
作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-8 15:03:13

本帖最后由 yardhu 于 2016-7-8 15:05 编辑
若如此 发表于 2016-7-8 14:59
你好童鞋, 不要整篇贴出来哦~ 贴你觉得最需要改进的一段


好的,
最需要改进的一段:
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by relentless propaganda, and individuals are not always rational. “Cultural Revolution” in China serves as an example. During the ten-year suffering event, the laws are all disrespect as government party disclaimed its validity as it is of capitalism opposed to communism justice. This wrecked havoc the society in terms of the economy, culture and politics. Such sad story is the result of a disobeying of “unjust” laws. In this case, the individuals should not be trusted to have an objective justification of laws.

多谢版主!
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-7-8 15:10:32

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 15:03
好的,
最需要改进的一段:
What’s more the just and unjust is somehow easy to be misguided by  ...

请问你的 AW练习了几篇了? 平均用时是?
作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-8 15:12:17

本帖最后由 yardhu 于 2016-7-8 15:13 编辑
若如此 发表于 2016-7-8 15:10
请问你的 AW练习了几篇了? 平均用时是?


我练了两篇issue,平均用时都很长因为才刚刚开始积累素材,想好了以后写的时间大概40-50分钟,argument 还没有看过。
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-7-9 16:35:00

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项,但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

Given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and that individual rationality often fails the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.  一般建议比较详细的提出自己的观点而不是简单的说同意或不同意  至于理由倒是可以留到中间段再说
Given that 这个用法挺好  
但是own limited power 这个表达不太明白是什么意思 你想说lack self-control ?  
individual rationality often fails the group rationality 这个也不明白你想说什么

作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-7-9 16:38:04

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-8 14:42
1. 个人基础
没考过g 英语一直是强项,但是gre还是挺难的。词汇不好。雅思作文分数很低5.5因为不知道不能套 ...

你用的文化大革命的例子 我觉得和题目基本没有关系 文革是一种领袖意志所发起的运动和法律基本没有关系
这道题其实是比较难写的 需要很多法律、政治方面的知识储备  比较简单的方法就是借鉴我的示范里的思路 或者也可以看看其他参考书的提纲  

作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-9 22:29:14

谢谢老师!

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power,没有的情况下(limited power),这不能构成一种义务responsibility。好比一个小孩子不能成为一个小孩子的监护人,因为他没有这个力量,也不应该承担这样的义务。

三种情况就是人的力量不足,人的动机与群众动机(group rationality)不符合,以及个人不能保证理性和正确的时候,我都不同意这个statement。

文革期间政府对个人产生了比较大的思维影响,推崇打破法律制度,不遵守法律,因为那时候人们认为法律是资本主义的东西,是unjust的,说明个人对于just 和unjust 的判断是主观而且受到外界干扰。所以证明了这个statement 在这种情况下我不同意。

我的表达确实不太好

作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-9 22:29:40

本帖最后由 yardhu 于 2016-7-9 22:35 编辑
tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 16:38
你用的文化大革命的例子 我觉得和题目基本没有关系 文革是一种领袖意志所发起的运动和法律基本没有关系
...


谢谢老师!

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power,没有的情况下(limited power),这不能构成一种义务responsibility。好比一个小孩子不能成为一个小孩子的监护人,因为他没有这个力量,也不应该承担这样的义务。

三种情况就是人的力量不足,人的动机与群众动机(group rationality)不符合,以及个人不能保证理性和正确的时候,我都不同意这个statement。

文革期间政府对个人产生了比较大的思维影响,推崇打破法律制度,不遵守法律,因为那时候人们认为法律是资本主义的东西,是unjust的,说明个人对于just 和unjust 的判断是主观而且受到外界干扰。所以证明了这个statement 在这种情况下我不同意。

文革期间:认为“公民在法律面前一律平等”是“抹杀法律的阶级性”,“同反革命讲平等”;认为“以事实为根据,以法律为准绳”,就是“不要党的政策”,“搞法律孤立主义”;认为强调依法办事,是“法律至上”的资产阶级观点。

我的表达确实不太好


作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-7-9 22:34:52

yardhu 发表于 2016-7-9 22:29
谢谢老师!

我的意思是就是人想要承担这种选择遵从与否需要有足够的power,没有的情况下(limited pow ...

需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解你的观点
你可以同意这句话 但是在陈述观点时最好能将原命题的内容用自己的话复述一下 然后加上理由
这样就可以写出一个比较饱满的主旨句了  


作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-9 22:39:10

本帖最后由 yardhu 于 2016-7-9 22:42 编辑
tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 22:34
需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解 ...


好的。您看这一段是否算重复了statement
Underlying the claim that individuals should obey the laws selectively according to a self-righteous base is the assumption that individuals are rational enough so as to always turn their selection into efficient outcome. However, given that individuals are not always rational, own limited power and individual rationality often fails to justify the group rationality, I cannot completely agree with the statement.
作者: yardhu    时间: 2016-7-9 22:52:11

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-9 22:34
需要注意这道题其实包括两部分
遵守正义的法律和反抗不正义的法律  因此你简单的说同意 很难让读者了解 ...


谢谢老师,我感觉我逐渐明白了你的意思,这两个部分我没有分开讨论,因为觉得各有同意和不同意的点说起来好复杂我再参悟一下,另外开头就写原因是因为我整篇文章就是在这三个原因和情况下讨论自己不同意的观点的。

我非常喜欢你的博客!还有你推荐的经济来解释法律的书!谢谢老师
作者: sevenmbj    时间: 2016-7-25 22:10:20

7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分,然后也考过雅思是6.5,但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向,所以要求是最好能到5,准备了一周左右也不知道自己的水平到底如何。

2.具体问题
主要是时间问题,一般需要一小时才能达到450字左右,写作过程中感觉自己强迫症很严重,必须要完善每个句子,所以时间很拖延。

另外具体来说Argument和issue都习惯于在每段开头把所有观点列出,这样的话导致后面分论点的展开可能出现重复问题,因此不知道是不是段首句应该在宏大一点。另外就是三段大的观点比较容易想出,但分论点的提出比较难,应该是展开和例子的累积不够?

3. 请提供一篇AW

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

1. 中心论点:Although it is undeniable that the availability of jobs do matters in making determination on the field of study, I think that inner desire is of the most significance.

TS1:On personal level, as in most cases people are likely to do jobs relevant to their field of study in university for a considerably long period and even for the whole life, interests and talents contribute to their passion being maintained, curiosity being continued and capability being ensured.
TS2:On societal level, the advance of a healthy society requires eminent people in a variety of field of study rather than merely those so-called prevailing areas.
TS3: However, though I support the argument that college students are supposed to weigh their intrinsic preference over job availability, the statement indicating that talents and interests are the only things to be focused goes beyond rations.

因为是第一次参加评分,所以也把全文贴出,希望如果王老师有时间的话能看下除论证逻辑外,是否在语言方面能有所提高,以及想要拿到5分还需要做出怎样的努力!谢谢!

The intensive competition in job market has aroused dispute on the choice of field of study in universities. Talents ad interests are emphasized by many people, claiming that college students are supposed to adhere to their heart when decide on their majors. While on the contrary, the serious reality make the others suggest the students to be more practical and focus more on areas which are welcomed by the employers. Although it is undeniable that the availability of jobs do matters in making determination on the field of study, I think that inner desire is of the most significance.

On personal level, as in most cases people are likely to do jobs relevant to their field of study in university for a considerably long period and even for the whole life, interests and talents contribute to their passion being maintained, curiosity being continued and capability being ensured. The opposite view taking the practical needs as the measurements ignored the emotional factors which are essential to boost people’s potentials. That is to say, interest affects a lot when a student is learning his favorite discipline and stimulates him to devote to researching and exploring, while the same person might easily give up undesired course in front of obstacles even if occupations relating to it are in great need. Meanwhile, both in scholarship and employment process, ability to apprehend related knowledge and obtain critical skills is the key element in measuring people, without talents, students must make extra endeavors to cacth up their gifted classmates, and some of they may even eventually fail in becoming the top one. Seldom people like Leanardo da Vinci are adept at every area, as a result, to be outstanding in job market is on the basis of dedicating to the field of study which is personally loved and appropriate.   

On societal level, the advance of a healthy society requires eminent people in a variety of field of study rather than merely those so-called prevailing areas. Students studying chemistry may find that few jobs are available in those professional companies, while research institutions, medicine factories and universities are open to any passionated graduates. Similarly, some fields of study, like sociology, seems irrelevant to any specific positions, whereas students foster capability in logic reasoning, critical thinking and creativity in their study, which in turn helps them postrude among their peers in interviews. In addition, the availability of jobs is not immutable. Taking economics, which is definitely the most respected, the wealthiest and the most welcomed field of study regarded by many people, as the instance, although students learning it are indeed popular in employment when the economy is prosperous, they cannot survive the period when economic deflation comes, stock market plumps and they get dismissed.

However, though I support the argument that college students are supposed to weigh their intrinsic preference over job availability, the statement indicating that talents and interests are the only things to be focused goes beyond rations. For the students, they are hard to truly define their interests and talents, both of which are changeable and abstract respectively. Moreover, the high unemployment rate should not be ignored and the promising career future comes from integration of evaluation on self-capacity and position absences. The two arguments both go towards extremity, leading college students neglecting balance on dreams and reality.

In conclusion, talents and interests must primarily evalued in terms of selecting a field of study, considering its stimulating function and versatility requirement. While the college students are not supposed to disregard the reality In fact, as college students are unaware of how to combine their hobbies and potentials to the need of job market, education institutions especially universities are responsible to be the guide, enabling them make great choice for their bright future.        


作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-7-26 19:03:45

sevenmbj 发表于 2016-7-25 22:10
7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分,然后也考过雅思是6.5,但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向 ...

童鞋你好, 请你贴出你觉得最需要改进的一段, 请不要 全文贴出 哦~
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-7-27 00:13:26

sevenmbj 发表于 2016-7-25 22:10
7.25日占楼
1. 个人基础
考过T 25分,然后也考过雅思是6.5,但是因为自己想申请的项目比较偏academic方向 ...

从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读的英语来模仿比较合适的表达 我感觉这是很多同学英语写不好的关键所在 也就是还处于无知者无畏的阶段  
比如arouse dispute  比如 claiming that  比如while on the contrary 这些表达你在自己阅读过的英语里如果没有见过就敢写出来  这只能说明离成熟的英语表达还差的太远  

至于内容 TS3的however就已经暴露出立场不一致的问题  全文缺乏整合的观点
而从社会的角度来讨论时已经和原题讨论的问题脱节了  
这道题的核心是个人兴趣与就业前景的权衡  这两个考虑都是从个人出发的  不太确定从社会来考虑会有很好的论证

无论语言表达还是内容  我都建议全面模仿我的范文 先模仿十篇再来尝试自己构建思路
语言表达方面 可以看看我的博客46楼 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=4#pid1778919180
作者: 三面夏薇    时间: 2016-7-28 14:45:18

1. 个人基础
考过两次G,作文都是3分,心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155,另外六级579,考研英语79

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
具体问题就是写作的时候要想很长时间,动笔的时候写的也很慢。这个问题在以前写中文作文的时候也有,就是落不了笔,写的很慢,字数也写不多。。。。。第一次考G的时候基本上用1+3模型中间段每段写了两句话,第二次考的时候中间段每段多写了一句(大概每段3句话= =),总之就是写不粗来,时间不够,中间段写不长。

请提供一篇AW
22.Claim: The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.       
Reason: Heroes and role models reveal a society's highest ideals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

1. 全文中心论点 ( 你的观点 同意/不同意), 中间段每段的主要内容, 论点等等( 请不要全篇贴出)
There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. However, I strongly disagree with the statement that the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of its heroes or its role models because heroes are often chosen in an accidental way and they can only represent a small sample of the society. In my opinion, the best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society.

ts1
Some people may be chosen as heroes and role models accidentally and their character cannot reveal the character of a society. 这段举了个老师保护被绑架学生后被尊为英雄的例子,但是她的行为其实只是出于偶然,这个例子考场上木有时间展开写。。。。
ts2
The amount of the heroes and role models in a society is small, which means the character of heroes may only reflects the character of a small sample of the society.忘了考场是是怎么展开的了,应该写的话不多
ts3
The best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society. 举例通过了解庆祝的节日、传颂的故事来理解一个社会的character
2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )
3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
在有限的时间内中间段无法展开写,可能是因为缺乏干货,练的也比较少。。。。
作者: sevenmbj    时间: 2016-7-30 14:34:42

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-27 00:13
从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读 ...

好的,谢谢老师。在写作的时候的确是比较模式化以及比较随意的过程,看的gre相关写作范文也比较少,会看过老师的建议后改进!
作者: sevenmbj    时间: 2016-7-30 14:42:36

tesolchina 发表于 2016-7-27 00:13
从语言表达来看 感觉你的行文还是比较随意 也就是说 你只是凭着自己的感觉在写英语 而不是根据你平时阅读 ...

但是有个小小的问题,您提出我的第三段however显示出立场不一致的观点,但是包括很多参考书以及我自己认为partially agree/disagree 会比较适合,而且issue中only这些词语的出现可能会比较极端,这样的情况下应该怎样表达自己并不是完全赞同呢
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-7-30 16:35:05

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-7-28 14:45
1. 个人基础
考过两次G,作文都是3分,心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155,另外六级579,考研英语79
...

同学, 你觉得最需要改进的一段呢?
作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-8-3 09:23:51

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-7-28 14:45
1. 个人基础
考过两次G,作文都是3分,心塞塞。。。。对应的verbal是153和155,另外六级579,考研英语79
...

There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. However, I strongly disagree with the statement that the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of its heroes or its role models because heroes are often chosen in an accidental way and they can only represent a small sample of the society. In my opinion, the best way to understand the character of a society is to learn about the culture of a society.
就你的主旨句来说一下
这类题目是 claim + reason  
问的是多大程度上同意claim和reason

你的主旨句是 同意reason 但是不同意 claim  然后提出claim的修改版  
这样写的问题是 前面对reason的认同 和后面对claim的否定之间可能出现矛盾 这个矛盾如何解决?
另外前面对reason的讨论和后面对claim的修改之间基本是脱节的 这样你这篇文章就失去了整合性和连贯性  

所以你需要重新考虑立论  






作者: 三面夏薇    时间: 2016-8-13 14:32:08

tesolchina 发表于 2016-8-3 09:23
There is no doubt that a society's highest ideals may be revealed by its heroes and role models. H ...

谢谢老师指点,如果我写作分数低最主要的问题是立论有问题的话,那接下来的解决办法是把您的范文都看一遍再练笔吗?之前因为时间紧张只看了高频的前25道题范文,看来是应该把所有的都看一遍。
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-8-14 14:11:46

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-8-13 14:32
谢谢老师指点,如果我写作分数低最主要的问题是立论有问题的话,那接下来的解决办法是把您的范文都看一遍 ...

个人建议: 每个主题看1~2篇, 并不需要全部看完. 而且练习一篇看一篇, 每篇写3次( 第一次自己写, 第二次看完后再写, 第三次再再看完后再写) 比较有效果
作者: 三面夏薇    时间: 2016-8-15 14:05:26

若如此 发表于 2016-8-14 14:11
个人建议: 每个主题看1~2篇, 并不需要全部看完. 而且练习一篇看一篇, 每篇写3次( 第一次自己写, 第二次看 ...

谢谢斑竹耐心回复!GRE栽在作文上了,真的不想再考
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-8-15 15:24:06

三面夏薇 发表于 2016-8-15 14:05
谢谢斑竹耐心回复!GRE栽在作文上了,真的不想再考

每天两三个小时练习AW足以, 关键是仔细分析自己的不足, 才能有所提高
作者: nora^^    时间: 2016-9-28 22:44:45

本帖最后由 若如此 于 2016-9-29 13:59 编辑

1. 个人基础
考过T了,独立写作只拿到fair, 综合写作拿到Good, 写作只拿到22,总分99。6月考过一次G,V153,Q166,AW3.0。准备10月底重考一次G,主要是想提高AW的成绩。本人在美国念的硕士,毕业论文也是全英文写的,按道理应该写作不会有这么大问题,但是一旦遇到这种标准化考试,短时间内很难把文章写得有条理。。。。

2. 具体问题(highly recommended)
正在积极治疗AW的问题,想要找到写作上老是出现短板的原因。
请提供一篇AW( 如果是Issue和Argument觉得有问题请分开两楼回复)的:
Argument No.2

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

1. 全文中心论点
The letter suggests a correlation between birth order and individual's level of stimulation. Reasonable as it may first appear, the argument is not tenable with close scrutiny.

第一段:The study bases on evidences found in stimulating situations where monkey and human produce cortisol,which is not convincing.

第二段:the argument fails to exclude the possibility of influence from age as it talks about the differences between firstborn human/monkey and offspring.

第三段:the evidence drawn from pregnant money is even less convincing than the former two. The explanation to higher levels of cortisol provided by first-time mother is various.

2. 你觉得最需要改进的一段( 完整贴出 )

Thirdly, the evidence drawn from pregnant money is even less convincing than the former two. The explanation to higher levels of cortisol provided by first-time mother is various. The excitement or nervousness of being a mum can be a possible reason, as those who had had several offspring are more experienced at giving birth to newcomers. It is also reasonable to have such reaction when the first-time mother is younger than those with several babies.

3. 自我分析认为存在的问题
Argument的写作重点不是很清楚。论点之间的关系不是很清晰。。。


最后的最后, 请各位诊断完的版友 AW 出分后及时反馈下,谢谢( 前提是每天都有投入一定时间在AW上 )

版友们赶紧来吧~
作者: 望眼    时间: 2016-9-29 08:50:11

有用有用,谢谢版主

作者: tesolchina    时间: 2016-10-2 23:36:39

nora^^ 发表于 2016-9-28 22:44
1. 个人基础
考过T了,独立写作只拿到fair, 综合写作拿到Good, 写作只拿到22,总分99。6月考过一次G,V153 ...

我个人建议练习argument的话 首先可以结合我的博客里的示范来比对 因为argument的内容相对是固定的 你可以看看你找的point和我找的有什么区别  
另外,这道题好偏门 初学的话 选些比较热门重复较多的题目更好
作者: getbest    时间: 2016-10-3 18:42:41

赞!!!
作者: daddyz    时间: 2016-11-27 13:21:33

11月16日 占楼
个人情况 还有5天考G 一战作文裸考3分 托福作文20分 这周看了大师的文章然后写了第一篇
2 问题
感觉写不出很高级的作文,另外字数也达不到要求
ISSUE 1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

The passage holds the idea that the capability of thinking will deteriorate due to more and more technology solving the problem. In my opinion. I take a cautious negative position.
First, Technology is only a tool. What make a task get done is the human mind actually. For example, in design industry, with the famous software Photoshop, artist can draw whatever they want in a tiny computer. But as a matter of fact, without the ability of thinking, even the master of Photoshop can not create a real masterpiece. Second, even if people count more and more on advanced technology, there are still many problems that technology can not solve.  Especially in art and literature field. Obviously there is nothing to do with technology for a writer to compose a novel or a musician to compose a song. Last, what technology can solve is simple. Such as cutting machine, washing machine. None of these has impact on the ability of humans to think.
However, inevtiablely, technology can have bad influence on the ability of human thinking. First, with the help of technology, individuals get free of their hands and have more leisure time. More leisure time makes them lazy. It is a commonplace that people spend more time watching TVs, hanging out or sleeping. This surly deteriorate the ability of humans to think. Second, with technological machine around people's daily life, they will get used to it and get insulate from the work or study.
In total, technology is kind of a ""double cross sword", For making a better use of technology, I think we should make some improvement when we apply technology to our lives. First, technology should be used to solve demanding work such as conveying loads, sorting things. Second, while technology is dong its work, we should stand by and do observations to make a full understand of the problem instead of walk away.
Although the assertion that  technology can deteriorate human mind under the circumstance that people rely on it to solve problem is reasonable in some ways. I still negate it because the disadvantages can be weakened and the advantages would benefit us to some extent.
谢谢!
作者: 若如此    时间: 2016-11-27 14:17:57

daddyz 发表于 2016-11-27 13:21
11月16日 占楼
个人情况 还有5天考G 一战作文裸考3分 托福作文20分 这周看了大师的文章然后写了第一篇
2  ...

同学 , 请认真看下发帖规则, 请不要全篇贴出
作者: wenqiu    时间: 2020-6-29 20:38:07

Good
作者: wenqiu    时间: 2020-6-29 20:38:19

Great




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