Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
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Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one in the society, which may invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed. Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us.
However, someone believe that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
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语言问题:
1. On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)
2. from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)
3. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)
4. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
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4,附件:原始开头:
Every object works according to its own law.Sun rise and down,people burn and die.And each law control its object works in harmony.And all those laws intwine and become a net,which dominate the universe and make all in proportion.For us human being,what is the law inside our society?I believe it is
individual responsibility,which makes our home and society in a
No.1 issue93 个人责任--社会类--写的时间很长,敬请大家提出宝贵意见,附提纲,和求教
Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
-------------------------------------------
Recently there is a(an) assertion that: Individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional(这一句表达有问题不知but何意), since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly(to a great extent准确些), thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)(应该用for) Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one in the society, which may invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate(直接说restrict就行了) people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept (and) then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practice every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglecting for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did(was) , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there are no such terrible things before(before掉后) in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection(neglect) of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed(happened). Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable(indispensable) and absolutely necessary for each of us.
However, someone believes that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As an independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heresy the Church, so he was kept(put) in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing (abustle) market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted (scorched) to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for(from) a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise(conviction), fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral(radical) thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick to our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else wanted to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine(suppose) that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above-mentioned example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?(不知你要表达什么))However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is an obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry(equilibrium).(不知道用什么词好?)At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)(我感觉这个词用的不错)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for. When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
(可能文章太长了吧,感觉段落内逻辑关系有些混乱,有些过度词比较勉强。例子不错,段落间关系相对比较清晰。总体来说还可以)
注意一下用词,尽量长短句结合
继续努力
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语言问题:
1. On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)
2. from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)
3. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)
4. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) (to the person himself如何?)Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one(应合写) in the society, which may (少一个be)invisible but exist indeed. Besides it(指代不明,其实你前面还没说清楚) is the restriction that regulate(第三人称单数要加s) people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its(同理,这个its是什么?) ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept (最好加it)then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection(neglect即可,既是名词又是动词) for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks(A应大写) for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did(应是was) , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is(应用was或had been) no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed(perform是主动含义,但是悲剧一般不是由人“主动”制造的,最好用would never take place). Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us.
这段论述得不太明朗。我没看懂你的意思。如果你直白得说:个人责任在于恪尽职守,为社会贡献自己的力量,那么就容易理解一些。但是你没有从工作上或是人的心理上去论说,感觉比较“虚”。还有我建议不要轻易用911这个例子,对有些美国人来说,这是他们最深的痛楚,很不愿意被人毫无感情地拿着说事。
However, someone believe(少s) that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may (少be)restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so(前面有as,这里无须so) he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare(前面有is,后面有can,变成两个谓语动词了,应是is。。。comparable) with death? Is(应是does) anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is(前面是behaviors,后面不应是is) determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself(为什么突然用you?用he或one即可). Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick(少s) to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would (应是will he die)die from the outside forces?(最好是external forces) (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up(这么说不合适) and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself (这种价值判断型的语句最好不要出现).
后面没细改了,我要出去办事了。
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
-------------------------------------------
Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal Literally speaking, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) as an individual,这里下的定义很含糊 Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one everyone in the society, which may be invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate regulates people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did was , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is are no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed. Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us. 政府情报部门的工作失职也能算是individual responsibility。比较怀疑ing。下面语法错误就不改了,自己好好查一下:)
However, someone believe that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may be restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. 武断而且含糊。这些因素对个体的影响体现在哪些方面?与个体责任有关吗? .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral immortal thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you.为什么 Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)为什么说是linkage使得社会和谐 At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel 何以见得, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)这段一连跳出来N个论断都没好好论证
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.