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标题: issue 同主题写作第四类 8月18-19日 [打印本页]

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作者: tesolchina    时间: 2017-8-11 12:46:58     标题: issue 同主题写作第四类 8月18-19日



4)    Challenging the authority (4, 17<68>,  18, 21, 23, 42, 65, 66, 89)

视频链接
今天的视频介绍了PIE模型，指导issue中间段的写作。请大家按照视频中的演示运用PIE模型做两个中间段的分析。一个是范文中间段分析，选出我的范文中的某一个中间段，在每个句子后标出point, information或elaboration。如果发现我的中间段没有使用PIE模型，也请指出[捂脸]。 另一个是自己习作的中间段分析，格式一样，如果发现自己没有使用PIE模型，也应指出并自我检讨。


为减轻大家的负担，写提纲和运用PIE模型分析中间段，完成其中一项即可打卡，但要记得点评楼上喔。另外，请在回帖最后写一小段这段时间学习的经验体会和对本活动的意见、建议。

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作者: tesolchina    时间: 2017-8-17 20:33:36     标题: 第四类issue综述



这四类题共有10道，都和权威及对权威的挑战有关。17和6关注对教育的定性，究竟是让人更自由，还禁锢人的思想。第18题提出质疑权威与社会福祉的关系。42题则具体关注学生应否质疑授课内容。21和65分别讨论法律是不是应该富有弹性以及公民对良法和恶法的责任。第89题探讨法律能否解决现代社会问题。第23题涉及政府应否限制科研。最后，第4题关注丑闻对解决问题的用处，由于丑闻经常和具有权威和社会影响力的人或机构有关，所以也算在这一类。


4 Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  


issue 17/68
17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

68) Some people believe that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. Others believe that formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

18) The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

21 Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

23 Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

42 Students should always question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

65 Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

66 People who are the most deeply committed to an idea or policy are also the most critical of it.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

89 Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system. Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

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作者: 东扯扯    时间: 2017-8-18 09:35:29



21. Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Intro
There is no denying that laws play an indispensable role in maintaining order and harmony of a society, because laws which reflect the mainstream value defend justice for people. Given that time, places and specific occasions all may affect how we perceive justice, I agree that the flexibility of law is of significant importance.

Ts1
First of all, laws should be time-flexible because at different stage, the mainstream value may change significantly after some revolutions.
e.g. some prohibitions on women are not suitable anymore nowadays after the feminism movement
Ts2
In addition to the factor of time, in some countries, there is likewise a huge different between areas out of the religious or historical reasons and a rigid law cannot satisfy such case.
e.g. State law, which is the law of each separate U.S. state, should be flexible to take characteristics in different places into account.
Ts3
Even that time and places are taken into full consideration, some laws should still be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances.
e.g. the punishment for the first offender and habitual one should not be the same

Ts1
First of all, laws should be time-flexible because at different stage, the mainstream value may change significantly after some revolutions. (point) It is the revolution that challenges inveterate values and redefine justice which is the bedrock of law. (elaboration) In other words, inevitable revolutions in the history require the flexibility of law to defend justice better. (elaboration) For example, in the past, the suffrage of women was robbed and it was literately illegal for women to vote, however, universal suffrage as a basis for social equality is well-acknowledged and women suffrage is now a legal right guaranteed by laws after feminism and civil rights movements. (info) That is to say, laws change along with the mainstream value that  universally reflects justice in people’s mind, which makes laws win the acceptance of the people. (elaboration) If laws keep the same as time goes on, they may not be recognized by the next generation, let alone be obeyed, and then the law will lose value. (elaboration)



Body Paragraph of Model Essay
There are two reasons why laws enacted by legislatures should not be flexible. (point)  To begin with, the time and efforts of the Congressmen at federal and state levels are limited. (subpoint)  They can only hold meetings for a certain amount of time each year and there are many items in their legislative agendas. (info) In addition, they often represent different interest groups and it takes them a long time to reach any consensus on any issues. (info) If they have to take into account specific circumstances or times or places when debating a statute, they will never be able to finish their jobs on time. (elaboration) The second reason has to do with the function of laws as the general guide for human behaviors. (subpoint) Laws have to be understood by the general public if they are to be used to regulate people’s behaviors. (info) Given the limited cognitive abilities of the public, the laws have to be clear and concise. (elaboration) If the laws change according to different situations, the public would find it difficult to use the laws to make decisions about their behaviors.  (elaboration)

点评 4楼（弥芥）

1）提纲的框架是否合理？
合理。提几点细节上的个人看法，ts1没有和well-being of a society直接联系起来；ts2在主旨句可以再进一步点明如何有利于社会；ts3中troops and soilders are against the authority跟against society 不完全等同吧，后者更泛一点，我觉得既然是在讨论specific case那就可以更具体化些

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
例子丰富且合适

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
没有什么问题

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作者: 芥弥    时间: 2017-8-18 10:10:46



18) The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种: through classification of key terms in the issue statement，具体来说，将people分类 natural scientists, scholars in humanities, soldiers and policemen

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Given the complexity of our society,social scientists are always looking for indicators which could effectively reflect the level of soical well-being. Some argue that in order to investigate the well-being of a society, one have to measure the number of people questioning their authority. The greater the number of people against the authority, the higher the level of social welfare. In my opinion, whether the number of people challenging authority could be an appropriate parameter of social welfare depends on which groups of people we are talking about. In realms like science and humanities, more challenges from scholars would portend academic revolution and theoretical breakthrough, which, once applied in reality, would benefit the general public. Yet for soldiers and armies, their direct defiance would destablize the society.

主题句1
For natural scientists, more scholars challenging the established ideas would promote more technological advances, thus greatly benefit the general public.
   e.g. Einstein's theory of relativity, overthrow, Newton's classic physics, reveal cosmic nature, related techonology benefit society
   e.g. Germ theory, challenge, traditional treatment, less infectious case

主题句2
Likewise, the well-being of a society would be enhanced if more scholars in humanities and social science would theoretically rise up against the authority since  government, in order to win public support, would ameliorate social policies to satisfy the general needs.
   e.g. Sartre, French government, existentialism
   e.g. Simone de Beauvoir, the Second Sex, accuse patriarchal society, feminist movement

主题句3
However, when it comes to troops and police, their defiance against the authority, that is their higher commander or government leader,(根据东扯扯意见修改) would cause disorder in the society, thus devastating social well-being.
   e.g. the role of police and troops, safeguade, loyalty
   e.g. the demage of distrust

Likewise, the well-being of a society would be enhanced if more scholars in humanities and social science would use their theories to rise up against the authority since government would revise their policy to satisfy the general needs in order to win public support.(Point) For example, Nobel literature winner, the torch bearer of existentialism movement, Jean Paul Sartre implicitly criticized the ideology of French government and openly delivered public speech supporting students' campaigns.(Information) His antiwar sentiment and focus on humanism implied in many of his dramas and plays raised public awareness and forced French government to adjust its pugnacious foreign policy.(Elaboration) Likewise, prominent feminist Simone de Beauvoir, in her seminal book the Second Sex, defiantly pointed to the patriarchal society as the cold cage of women.(Information)  Her idea promoted the feminist movement and the following campaigns calling for equal rights for women.(Elaboration) Taken together, the defiant spirits implied from famous literature could reveal the truth of society and compel the government to design better public policies.

Model Essay:
Scientists, on the other hand, can benefit the research community and the society as a whole by questioning the leading experts and their theories in the fields.(Point) One of the key features of science that distinguishes itself from pseudoscience is that the scientists and researchers are always open to the possibility that the existing theories and explanations could be wrong.(Information) Through publishing peer-reviewed scientific papers, the researchers need to present their findings to the scientific community and be prepared to answer any challenges that may arise from their peers. (Elaboration) Other members of the research community may try to replicate the studies and challenge the authority of the authors if they come up with some inconsistent results.(Elaboration) The whole process of challenging the authority of one another ensures the rigor of science and the validity of knowledge construction, which are essential for the overall well-being of the modern society.(Elaboration)

点评 9楼（丽丽酱香饼）

1）提纲的框架是否合理？
合理。三个阶段对应三个目的很清晰, get rid of "get into higher education" in elementary school part, better focus on inculcation of social norms and rules to become an obedient child

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
只有1.2不是很合适，personally think too individual

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
I largely agree with that
but nothing to do with
mind and spirit

经验体会: 有些reasoning gap自己是意识不到的，所以以主题为系列互批作文真的很有帮助。

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作者: 拒绝失学    时间: 2017-8-18 13:06:57

Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

Intro
Both the claim and reason can be true in certain ways. Some people may argue that legal restrictions are useful to keep a good order of the whole society, because all the citizens fear punishments, such as penalty and so forth. However, the method of law alone indeed cannot change people’s thoughts and ideas, which may be a dormant bomb exploding in the future. In my opinion, both claims only focus on the effect in the short term. Undeniably, the law is forming our thoughts and ideas in a long run.

TS1
It is undeniable that law does generate favorable effect, since it can correct people’s action efficiently. 【point】 Take the legal system in Singapore for example, which is known for efficiency and strictness.【info】 If we trace the reason why Singapore has so clean street and air, the legal system will certainly be one of the main factors. Thanks to the law, the majority of people in Singapore will not spit or leave rubbish on the street. 【elaboration】 Seemingly, law does solve a great number of problems in modern society.

TS2
However, one of the evident shortcomings of legal system is that it is incapable of changing and purifying what people think about, since the government cannot control people’s minds and thoughts. 【point】Although people can do good superficially, they may disagree with the lawful restrictions in heart. If such a malcontent is serious enough, maybe there will be a remonstrate to topple the government, thus making the country plunge into chaos. Plus, there exists a lot of people, who totally do not care about the law. 【data】 Indeed, if the law does effectively punish the criminals, the rate of criminals will increase incessantly. 【elaboration】If we consider these aspects, pessimistically, we may reach the conclusion that problems cannot be solved by law itself.

TS3
Nonetheless, analysis made above all ignore the longer effect of the law. Law, in a long run, can be the former of the spirit of the whole country, which is just the dream of the Founding Fathers and philosophers in the Western world. 【point】Maybe, this is the ultimate reason why the legal department in American has the name of ‘Department of Justice’, because law represents the idea of justice in people’s heart. 【elaboration】In the ancient Greek, Plato has already put forward such an idea in Republic. Also, Aristotle said that people make decisions out of the law instead of logos, which means rationality. 【data】It is because we cherish the good quality, such as bravery, freedom, hardworking and so on, that we write these principles down in the law. 【elaboration】If we think the claim in this way, law not only change the mind of people, specifically, law is the mind itself. 【elaboration】

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作者: wanghaitao19939    时间: 2017-8-18 13:40:27

老师写的ISSUE 65
Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. 

To begin with, we should obey the laws on property rights that are relevant to books and culture. (Topic sentence stating the main POINT)For example, if we want to own a book found in a bookstore, we should pay for it instead of stealing it which is a violation of the property rights of the bookstore.(Provide relevant fact or INFORMATION) If we check out a book from the library, we need to return it on time or pay the late fees according to the laws and rules related to the use of library materials.(Explain the implication of the information-ELABORATION ) This is important because books are tangible assets protected by property rights. (Explain the reason of obeying the law-ELABORATION) If we do not obey the laws and get the books illegally, we will infringe other people’s rights to access the same books.  This is why we need to obey just laws.  (Explain the consequence of challenge the law-ELABORATION)

What about the copyright laws? In my opinion, copyright laws are unjust because they restrict people’s access to creative works in an unnecessary way. (Topic sentence stating the main POINT)We need to make a clear distinction between the books protected by property rights and the books protected by copyrights. (Make a difference between two protects-INFORMATION) The former is tangible and owning it would prevent others from accessing it. The latter is intangible in the sense that the book can be reproduced and remixed with other books without compromising other people’s rights to access it. (Offer a further explain of the INFORMATION) With the advent of digital technology and the Internet, books can be copied and distributed around the world with minimal costs and may create enormous opportunities for learning. (Explain the change brought by Internet-INFORMATION )Yet, the publishers have lobbied the legislatures to extend the copyright duration from the initial 20 years (Statute of Anne, 1710) to the author's’ lifetime plus 70 years. (Explain the extending of copy right is nonsense-INFORMATION) The expansion of copyright regime has effectively blocked the access to a great many learning materials of people around the world, especially those from the underprivileged groups. (Explain the bad consequence of copyright laws-ELABORATION)

Some people have tried to resist copyright laws within the legal framework of copyright.(Topic sentence stating the main POINT) A notable example is the Creative Commons Licensing System developed and advocated by cyberlawyer Prof. Lawrence Lessig.(Provide relevant fact or INFORMATION) Through a set of Creative Commons licenses, the authors and creators of cultural works can choose to authorize the public to use their works freely, essentially giving up some of their rights protected by copyright laws. (Offer a further explain of the INFORMATION) Such efforts are legal and effective to help restore the balance of interest between copyright holders and the general public that has been distorted by copyrights. (Explain the effect of copyright laws-ELABORATION) This example illustrates how private individuals can and should resist unjust laws within the legal frameworks.  (Explain the effect of copyright laws-ELABORATION) 

Nevertheless, I do not believe that the legal means is sufficient for challenging the unjust copyright laws.(Topic sentence stating the main POINT) Creative Commons may help some authors to release their works from the bondage of copyright.(Provide relevant fact or INFORMATION) But a great many important creative works and books are still under the control of greedy publishers and corporations that would use copyrights to deprive ordinary citizens of their rights to learning and entertainment.  (INFORMATION) As a result, it is also important for ordinary people to practice civil disobedience against the copyright regime. (Connection between INFORMATION and ELABORATION) For example, instead of buying expensive books from the bookstores, we should try to obtain the e-copies of the books from websites such as Library Genesis and Sina Information Sharing. (Provide INFORMATION in a certain context) These acts of civil disobedience will create pressure on the publishers to change their business models from charging the readers to sponsoring the authors through advertising or government funding. (Explain the implication of the statement-ELABORATION )  In other words, if we want to change the unjust laws, we cannot merely rely on efforts within legal frameworks but have to break the laws in a large scale.  (Explain the implication of the statement-ELABORATION )

People may worry about the legal consequences of practicing civil disobedience against unjust laws. (Topic sentence stating the main POINT)In the case of copyright, this should not be a major concern as unauthorized copying of books and other creative works is so widespread online that the authorities simply cannot afford the resources to enforce the copyright laws.(Explain the implication of the statement-ELABORATION ) So long as increasing number of people practice the so-called “piracy”, we are protected by the sheer number of illegal acts.  (Provide INFORMATION in a certain context)  In fact, when a law can be so easily broken by so many people around the world, there is obviously something wrong with the law rather than with the people breaking the law.  (Explain the reason of the statement-ELABORATION )

我写的issue27.Many important discoveries or creations are accidental: it is usually while seeking the answer to one question that we come across the answer.  
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position， you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position 

“In any given different field, new discovery calls for long-time diligent study since there are so many discoveries done before that all can be utilized to broaden horizon, get background information and lead to new discoveries. (Topic sentence stating the main POINT)In the Renaissance time, persons like Leonardo Da Vinci can accumulate amazing amount of knowledge in several academia because lacking of information in the Middle Age.  (Provide INFORMATION in a certain context) But nowadays, knowledge in typical field can overwhelm us easily and it is hard to be professional in one academia then do some new discoveries.  (Provide further INFORMATION in a certain context)  What’s more, according to a wide spread 1000-hour theory, keep practicing over 1000 hours in certain field can finally bear fruits. (Provide INFORMATION in a certain context)That’s a world-wide acknowledgement of perseverance and long-time working rather than accidental discovery. (Provide INFORMATION in a certain context)  ”
问题：1.Topic sentence太长了，观点不够突出。2.罗列了几条例子，但是没有一条Elaboration来阐述例子为什么能够证明观点，写成了很费劲的brain storming但是因为没有思考过程，导致实际上什么都没有证明，只是放在那了。

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作者: keaixiaotang    时间: 2017-8-18 17:27:20


老师的ISSUE范文
73.Colleges and universities should require all faculty to spend time working outside the
academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for theposition you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your

中间段
To begin with, not all faculty members can easily find jobs in the professional world, especially when they are only available for a relatively short period of time. （Point）Consider the professors in philosophy and literature for example. While experts in these fields are important for teaching the relevant courses and conducting original research, their skills are not always immediately useful in corporate environment.  (Information-take philosophy and literature for example) If faculty members could not find suitable jobs off campus, the policy would be very difficult to be effectively implemented. (elaboration-one of the satiation when the policy might be useless)
Another negative consequence of this policy is that certain departments such as computer science and electrical engineering may lose some talented professors(Point) Technology companies such as Google and Facebook are constantly hunting for employees with expertise in high-performance computing, data mining and machine learning. Even without such policy, universities have to compete against such companies for talents in these fields.(Information-the situation that some technology companies are hunting for employees with expertise) The policy would provide professors in fields more opportunities to work in such companies without losing their academic jobs. Once they find suitable jobs in these companies who usually offer much better compensation packages, it is likely that they might leave their university positions.(Elaboration-the course of the university losing their faculty members) In other words, the policy may increase the attrition rate of faculty members in certain fields.
Some people may argue that in certain fields such as law and medicine it is important for the academic researchers to stay in touch with the professional world. Working experience outside the universities would help them gain more insights into the fields and become better teachers and researchers. In cases like these, the policy of requiring the faculty members to work outside universities would become unnecessary. Professors interested in professional development will seek job opportunities without such requirements. Those who do not may not perform as well as those who do as researchers and teachers.
In conclusion, the policy may not be feasible for faculty members in certain fields who could not find suitable jobs outside universities. It may also increase the attrition rate of certain departments such as computer science for which there is intense competition for talents. As for those fields where professional working experience is highly valued, the policy is also unnecessary

我的ISSUE
4 )Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

Nowadays, with the development of the technology, we use We Media such as Facebook, Twitter every day. We receive a lot of news from them, including scandals. Scandals can be good or bad, real or fake. But they are not all useful. Scandals about social events can improve the efficiency of the government. But we cannot count on the scandals to accelerate the procedure of the processing. Scandals about the super stars just leads to a wrong value of the society. Scandal cannot last for a long time even cannot before they were dealt with.

Admittedly, some scandals about the social events can press the government or relevant authorities to accelerate their procedure of the processing. When a scandal about the faculty member of the government was exposed, that would attract a lot of focus on that which might press the government to deal with that quickly. But we couldn’t rely on the scandals to improve our governments’ efficiency. The public should use their right of supervision of the government. And the government should have the consciousness to be responsible for the public even without any supervision and scandal.

In addition, some privacy scandals are just waste of our time. (Point) We can see scandals about the super stars almost every day in We Media such as Weibo in China. This kind of scandal means to attract the public’s attention and then raise the reporter’s popularity to achieve some kind of interest. They could mislead the teenagers to put their limited energy on others’ privacy which might have a bad influence in their study. (Information) Moreover, that kind of scandals might lead to a wrong value of them. That kind of scandal might lead the teenagers to focus more attention on other’s privacy, including their relatives, their classmates or their friends which can also lead to a bad relationship. (elaboration)
What’s more, scandals might focus our attention, but they can be forgotten in a short time just before they have been handled. In that case, that scandal is just a scandal. They have nothing to do with the solution. Maybe several days later there is a new scandal overlapping it.

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作者: ChiuChiKwan    时间: 2017-8-18 17:33:06


issue 41/67

issue 41 greatness of individuals decided by contemporaries or people after them

The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


para 3

In the field of literature, despite the annual selection of outstanding authors for Nobel prize award, the greatness of authors can only be properly understood by people living after them.(Topic sentences stating the main POINT) One reason is that modern literature is often closely related to politics in such a way that contemporary critics cannot often review literary works without any ideological bias.(Provide information) The 2000 Nobel prize-winning author Gao Xingjian, for example, was criticised by Chinese government for writing politically offensive novels and plays.  Is Gao a truly great writer? To answer this question we may have to wait for 100 years and see if future generations still find his work interesting and relevant. (Further information and offer more details to illustrate) Indeed, the best way to tell whether a literary work is great or not is to see if it can survive the test of time.  Consequently, the greatness of authors has to be probed from a historical perspective. (elaboration)

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作者: 丽丽酱香饼    时间: 2017-8-18 18:22:16



17. Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种分类，具体来说，将formal education分为小学高中大学进行讨论

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
From primary school to high school to university, formal education always aims at regularizing students’ behavior and unifying their thinking into the mainstream of specific society. This purpose of education would form a normalized group of people which is benefit to social stability. On the other hand, it is inevitable that special action would be repelled and freedom of fantasy sprit would be restrained.

主题句1
For primary school, the first priority is to teach children basic skills to fit social regulation and rudimentary knowledge to get into higher education, so children would easily become too docile and obedience to build their own thought.
   e.g. teachers in primary school are always trained by the same system, and they teach the same thing in the same way. Children were built as the same model.
   e.g. a case that a mother from Germany sued the teacher of her child in junior grade  because she was taught to read which could restrain imagination thought.

主题句2
To get higher grades to attend to university is the main purpose of high school. Students need to adjust their train of thought in order to suit the examinations.
   e.g. if the examination questions has different solutions, students are taught to choose the standard one
   e.g. rigid management and the singular focus could restrain critical thinking, students would lose the interest in express their own thought

主题句3
Nowadays more and more university tend to take the employment rate as their evaluation, which makes the education utilitarian.
   e.g. students choose curriculum job-oriented
   e.g. studying for occupation narrowed their views


PIE
Teacher’s part:
ISSUE 1
The development of new technologies also challenges those people responsible for
formulating policies and rules regulating the use of technologies.(POINT) The popularity of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter presents a wide variety of social problems such as cyberbullying, hacking and privacy violation that call for the introduction of new rules and policies.(INFORMATION) Government officials, legislators and experts in relevant fields have to work together to address these issues through developing more sophisticated policies and laws.(ELABORATION) For example, Facebook has now gathered a staggeringly large amount of data about its users in digital forms and used the data to make profits in many different ways.(INFORMATION) To address issues like these, the policy makers will of course rely on the state-of-the-art technologies for communications such as email, video conferencing and even Facebook to collect feedback from the users and data from different sources.(ELABORATION) They may also rely on statistical software packages such as SPSS to analyze the data.(ELABORATION) But the technologies can never make the decisions for them.(POINT) They still have to think about these issues from different perspectives and come up with their own decisions.(INFORMATION) As a result, for these policy makers, this statement does not hold true, either.(ELABORATION)


楼层：10

1）长长的冬瓜糖网友提纲的框架是否合理？
合理

2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
例子有点偏专业啊，各种讨论法律，不知道是不是冬瓜糖擅长~

3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
1. 注意同意转换
2. 主语不清or even revised frequently and observations of law can hardly be executed anywhere and anytime. ——or even be revised frequently and under observations laws can hardly be executed anywhere and anytime.


经验体会:
写作文好费劲啊。。。
想个例子不容易。。。

有这么个活动按时学习打卡还有小伙伴一起，可以与老师实时互动，感觉很VIP~
活动还是免费的，非常感动感激O(∩_∩)O

和对本活动的意见、建议:
希望老师能给一下每个视频的电子版，方便同步学习复习(*^▽^*)

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作者: 长长的冬瓜糖    时间: 2017-8-18 18:37:57



完整题目
89 Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system. Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种  分不同情况考虑，claim, reason都同意，但是提出要解释这个问题还有其他原因

开头段全文：With the society developing, many problems can still hardly be solved by laws and the legal system as the statement says. I also regard that laws cannot change people's mind as an important reason for it. However, the situation is contributed to not only by the single reason above, other reasons equally important for accounting for it should not be ignored. Namely, the laws of a country cannot be changed, or even revised frequently and observations of law can hardly be executed anywhere and anytime.

主题句1
It is true that laws cannot change people's mind so that people might not obey the law absolutely.
具体例子或细节
stereotype just like racialist;
extant discrimination toward African American; the riot aroused by white racialists in Virginia

主题句2
However, in order to the account for this problem thoroughly, two other reasons should also be considered. One is that laws in a country, especially some major laws like the constitution of a country are less likely to be changed easily.
具体例子或细节

In China, the revision of laws should follow extremely strict procedures and take a long time; cannot apply to every newly emergent social problems.
即使宪法修正案 allow American laws to revised, the pace of which cannot follow


主题句3
The other reason is that the observation of laws can hardly reach every individual or company at any time.

具体例子或细节
for students, cheat in exams; which is recently banned in the law of Education in China; not every cheating students will be find
for factories remote away from major cities, still emit excessive pollutant into air, river; will not be punished due to limited observation.
for company, financial fraud crime cannot be eliminated；

结尾
As can be seen above all, admittedly, laws cannot change what is in citizen's hearts and thus it is impossible for laws to solve all the problem in the fast-paced society. However, other two reasons involved with laws' cannot being changed frequently and the observation of law should also be divided enough attention from people.

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作者: Morfire    时间: 2017-8-18 20:23:29

21.Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

With the mounting number of dilemma cases, people begin to wonder if we should make laws flexible enough to resolve specific cases. From my perspective, we should discuss this issue in terms of emergency circumstances, times during which people have been paying attention to freedom and their own wellbeing, and also basic rules that can not be challenged.

To begin with, there are many emergencies that should be taken into account. （P）There was news about a driver overspeeding to send a pregnant woman to the hospital. (I)Admittedly, he broke the laws, however, what he did was honorable.(I&E) Thus, after a series of discussion, justice determined he deserved no punishment and sent him free. (I)If laws were irreversible, tough and cold, and if that man had gotten a guilty sentence, people might be hindered by the unfairness and no longer dare to do such heroic things to help others.(E) Hence, flexible and humanistic laws are adorable.

Second, as the increasing awareness of freedom with time past, people desire and care more about variety of certain characteristics.（P） In the past, it is illegal to have an affair with the same gender, nevertheless, the whole society tolerate more about minor people, thus, LGBT community are becoming accepted by more and more countries, and laws changed to defend their own rights to pursuit happiness.(I&E)

Even though I strongly hold the position that laws should be flexible , there also are limits and basic rules that can not be touched under any circumstances.（P） For example, having sex with children, even if with their permission, is definitely illegal. (I) Some organizations claim that it is their culture and believes to marry such young children, however, it undermines children’s rights, so a flexible law for such thing is not tolerable.  (I&E)Also, some people assert that their lovers, who are still children, show their willingness to marry them, but we should always state clear that children are not mature enough to decide such things: they may just be hoaxed by some evil adults.  (I)Hence, when it comes to a basic problem, laws should stand on its ground firmly.(E)

In conclusion, some laws are supposed to have more flexibility to defend people in emergency and in minority to encourage virtuous behavior and receive their own wellbeing. On the contrary, laws can not be manipulated to break basic human rights like pedophilia.

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作者: Angelyyy    时间: 2017-8-18 20:33:15



65.Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

老师的范文（这里膜拜一下，中间有5段主体段，我选了靠后的一段）
Nevertheless, I do not believe that the legal means is sufficient for challenging the unjust copyright laws. Point Creative Commons may help some authors to release their works from the bondage of copyright. But a great many important creative works and books are still under the control of greedy publishers and corporations that would use copyrights to deprive ordinary citizens of their rights to learning and entertainment.Information As a result, it is also important for ordinary people to practice civil disobedience against the copyright regime.Elaboration For example, instead of buying expensive books from the bookstores, we should try to obtain the e-copies of the books from websites such as Library Genesis and Sina Information Sharing.Elaboration+例子 These acts of civil disobedience will create pressure on the publishers to change their business models from charging the readers to sponsoring the authors through advertising or government funding. Elaboration+ In other words, if we want to change the unjust laws, we cannot merely rely on efforts within legal frameworks but have to break the laws in a large scale.点题

我的中间段（主题段1）
The first thing I talk about would be the just laws.There are many laws ensure our safety and basic human rights which cannot be broken.Point Most countries that emphasizing the importance of education offer both enforced and free education for all their citizens.Information In a good perspective,the regulation will diminish the gap of rich and impoverishment.In the long run,the education rights increase the possibility that impoverished people could receive the basic supports and could live agreeable.Information Meanwhile,the law that forbidding the violent behavior that come along the damage of property as well as the lives of innocent people,ensured the society could run under a relatively stable situation.Information Thus,the situations I described are the advantages that just laws bring to us,which we should obey then.Elaboration+点题

提纲：
TS：As the civilization of humankind beings,laws appeared to act a role as governing the conflicts and contradicts that harmful to the society.However,the law isn’t serve as a panacea,we still need to consider this critically.For the overall peace of the society,people should obey the laws that ensure the safety and basic rights.On the other hand,the laws created by the governers are not always symbolize the justice,as a result,we need to consider the unjust laws carefully in order to avoid further harm.Here I would explain my concerns in details.

ts1:The first thing I talk about would be the just laws.There are laws ensure our safety and basic human rights which cannot be broken.
-Most countries that emphasizing the importance of education offer both enforced and free education for all their citizens.In a good perspective,the regulation will diminish the gap of rich and impoverishment.In the long run,the education rights increase the possibility that people received the basic supports and could live agreeable.
-The law that forbidding the violent behavior that come along the damage of property as well as the lives of innocent people,ensured the society could run under a relatively stable situation.

ts2:While the fact that we should obey the laws protect us,it would be presumptuous to obey the law that would be harmful.In fact,we should recognize the unjust laws and let our governors know it as well.
-Although the developed countries can’t feel the injustice today, however,this kind of situations still there in developing countries.
-Unjust laws are suited for some groups,but unfriendly for others.Minorities are once the group who suffered less privilege of education and opportunities of career in history.
-People would get a decent life unless they receive the education and the financial help,it’s basically to express the hope that show the disobedience of the unjust laws to get the privilege people should have.
-Governors should remember the justice is created by the people,they won’t commit the law unless they received the basic things they should have.

ts3:Challenges will be that the autocracy could ensure the execution of the laws.However,as I mentioned,although the governors are who make documents,the justice of laws are created by people.If the people all with disobedience purpose,the power of the law would be significantly undermined. The roots of the law is established by people.

点评6楼：
题干质疑的是，是否creative things are accidential.而我在你的段落里收到了两个信息，现在的社会很难沉下去获得专业收获，另外付出大量努力可以获得收获。感觉逻辑不清晰。如果你想表达，有些情况下也可以出现creative results，我建议把你的观点表示得更清楚一点。

收获与评价：
王老师给的都是很useful而且practical的干货，我觉得这种方法把写作中主要的注意点都很详尽的教给有需要的同学，思路和做法目前都ok。
另外顺应微信的潮流督促大家学习，这个也挺好的。
小问题是觉得拉的大群仿佛用处不大，感觉小队比较有用。
   

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作者: 卿本悠悠    时间: 2017-8-18 21:35:43



6、Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.（65）

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种，by considering an issue from different perspectives or in different contexts。先让步表明这种说法在一定的情况上的合理性(reasonability in some cases)，再从两方面阐述不同意这种说法的理由：个人方面(for individual)，社会方面(the whole society)。

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Laws are an indispensable part of civilized society and play a pivotal role in standardizing and ruling people’s behaviors. Although there are some debacles in the justness of some laws, it is appropriate for individuals to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws. In some certain cases, disobeying or resisting unjust laws can make sense for its consequences; in general, whether for individuals themselves or the whole society, however, every individual in a society shouldn’t take it as a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

主题句1
Sometimes it is reasonable in some cases that individuals in a society have a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws, as there exists obvious irrationality and unfairness in these unjust laws.
具体例子或细节
--the apparent favoritism of the noble in law during ancient times (such as the innocence of the rich and noble for killing common people)
--the inequity between female and male in many aspects (including the deficiency of the father’s mandatory maternity leave and the disadvantage of female in divorce)
--the common racism in western countries (the lack of human rights like safeguard for the black in early America and the discrimination of educational conditions for Asian in current America)

主题句2
More often, however, for the benefit of individuals themselves, every individual in a society should not take it as a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey or resist unjust laws.
具体例子或细节
--the incomplete comprehension for justice will cause severe incorrect consequences for individuals (an individual will easily make a wrong or short-term vision to a law-related issue)
--the legislation punishment made by court for the disobey of laws (unavoidable even yourself think you’re doing the right things but law rules don’t)

主题句3
Moreover, disobey or resist unjust laws for an individual in a society might results to terrible consequences towards the whole society as the stability and unity are more important than individual’s benefits.
具体例子或细节
--individual’s resistance for the unjust laws will leads to much more damage for the surroundings and society than the little benefit for himself or herself because of the connection between individual and the whole society
--the free to disobey laws, no matter what, will causes total chaos and disasters


关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
这个题材还是比较好写的，但是还是花了很长时间。希望能加快以后写作的速度。最后结尾的地方，想法是提出：尽管有些法律不那么公平，作为一个个体，我们应该做的也是努力改变法律的相关规定而不是直接蛮横的违背它，这是文明社会与原始社会的重要区别。

范文中间段分析（using PIE model）
选自65题范文的第三段
Consider next the laws that some people may consider as unjust.(Point) For example, prior to the recent landmark decision on gay and lesbian marriage by the US Supreme Court, in some states, the laws do not recognize the homosexual couples’ rights to get married. (Information) Some people may believe that these laws are unjust as no one should be denied to right to marry because of their sexual orientation. (Information) But that does not follow that people who believe in homosexual marriage should have the responsibility to openly challenge the state laws against the practice. (Elaboration) If they demonstrate outside the marriage registration office violently or demand for rights to marry using forces, for example, they will most likely be arrested by the police. (Elaboration) In other words, disobeying and resisting the so-called unjust laws will lead to conflict between the civilians and the government, which will not help solve the problems. (Elaboration)

我来点评其他网友
楼层：3楼

1）东扯扯网友提纲的框架是否合理？
框架与题目切合，但是law和mainstream value感觉干系不大。
2）东扯扯网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
合适。但是每个段落只有一个例子显得比较单薄。
3）东扯扯网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
首先，没有明确指出后文的框架中各个段落主题。第二句话中，“places and specific occasions all may affect how we perceive justice”这句话的perceive感觉不是很合适。还有，第一句话的no denying也不是常见的用法。

最后的最后（经验体会及意见建议）
这个活动督促我腾出时间来进行写作方面的练习，并完整思考写作中的核心思想，已经如何将自己的想法合理有序的表达出来。可能是自己的领悟能力有限，6篇提纲下来，每次依然需要花费很多时间思考中心观点及想例子，想好以后动手写起来也很慢，不知道如何提高。所有的题库全部思考一遍肯定不现实，但是在考场上遇到一个全新的issue（argument比较好写），从思考到表达的过程，感觉很难在半个小时内完成。不知道如何解决这个问题。

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作者: mzlgjg    时间: 2017-8-18 23:34:47



4.Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Frame：making classifications of key terms: government politics, cultural tourism and recreational field.

TS: Scandals, exposing what’s usually secret and illegal to day light, can help bring what otherwise would molder in the darkness to our attention. Because there always are forces by schemers exerting on their conspiracy from being exposed, scandals serves as a good way to speak out the problems. However, scandals in different fields, though all focus people’s attention on them, may not be useful consistently. In politics and industry, its effects are always positive while in recreational field, the opposite is true.

TS1:Scandals in politics may be the best way of addressing the seriousness of problems.
example:“Water Gate”event in the history of the United States politics

TS2:Scandals in industry also serves as catalyst to help resolve the extant problems.
example:the scandal of fabricating historical celebrity’s tomb as famous tour sites in service industry several years ago

TS3:While in politics and industry, scandals help people focus attention on the present problems, in other fields like recreation field, the role scandals play can’t be mentioned in the same breath.
example:“sexy photo” event of a Chinese singer Chen
reasoning:Even though some people may contend that this kind of scandal help regulate celebrity’s behavior, but this phenomenon of seeking scandals as novel news of the public still exists and nothing useful for the society is brought.

我的段落PIE分析
TS1: Scandals in politics may be the best way of addressing the seriousness of problems.（point） Since transparency in politics or governments is probably the least, without scandals’ exposure, without scandals no one can ever emphasize the present problems with enough evidence. （elaboration）The “Water Gate”event in the history of the United States politics is probably the most famous scandal. Nixon was finally impeached because of his injustice behavior during the president election.（information） Without it, we never know Nixon have won the election through illegal action and the slack judicial supervision would continue at least for a while. The scandal, though brought infamous rumor about American government, indeed facilitated the improvement of supervision and discipline of government officials later, thus purging the American political environment.（elaboration） All these effects for America politics, outweighing its initial disadvantages, are impossible without this scandal, so it’s fair to say it to be useful.（elaboration）

这段时间努力训练作文，但感觉最大的问题还是速度太慢，构思似乎很难在很短的时间里面完成，完成写作更是如此。

关于13楼的点评
框架可行，不过根据你结尾段的陈述，似乎你还想说明“努力改变法律的相关规定而不是直接蛮横的违背它”这层意思，但是我在前面几个段落中没有读出这层意思，所以我觉得你可以增加一段简短说明这个观点，而不是在结尾段提出。
题目中还有一个要求“address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position”不要忘了~
论据很充分，TS3中间有一处应改为result in

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作者: amber_123    时间: 2017-8-19 12:39:00



4 Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

Model essay

To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. (point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (information) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. (information) They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (information/elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (elaboration)

In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (point) The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. (information) During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill. (information) The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (information) As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. (information/elaboration) In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (elaboration)


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. (point) For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. (information) While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (information/elaboration) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. (elaboration) We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society. (elaboration)  

My essay

Scandals are powerful weapons to address the public attention. Although it’s always immoral to explore others’ private businesses, we can’t stop the nature to find secrets. That’s the reason why scandals are so prevalent. However, I don’t believe that scandals are useful to facilitate the development of the society. Because scandals draw our attention to the wrong places. Scandals only last for very short time. Nonetheless, I have to admit that scandals help draw enormous attention from the public.

To begin with, scandals draw people’s attention to frivolous issues rather than real significant ones. (point) The English royal family, for example, suffered from the scandals of Prince Charles. (information) People denounced the disloyalty of Charles and Camila and showed sympathy for Diana.  (information) The public, however, paid too much attention to the scandal but showed little care about important issues like increasingly serious AIDS problem in England and hunger crisis which was thriving in Africa. (information) Scandals draw public’s attention to wrong places, so the real urgent issues are not able to get enough attention and support. (elaboration)

In addition, scandals usually last for very short time. (point) Scandals of super stars are always sensational enough to catch eyes. (information) But lives of these scandals are ephemerous. (information) When we are shocked to know the divorce of Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie, we are, several days later, buried with reports of Taylor Swift’s new boyfriend. (information) Scandals, being so ephemerous, are not able to provide enough attention and energy for things to go smooth continuously. (elaboration) Important things usually need a long time to conduct. (information) The reform of medical system, for example, has been lasting for nearly ten years. (information) The remedy for pollution around the country has also gone for many years. (information) Short-time scandals raise short time attention to help develop these long-time issues which is no enough. (elaboration)

On the other hand, I have to admit the power of scandals to draw public’s attention(point). Several years ago in China, a girl named Guo Meimei suddenly became popular on internet because of showing off lots of luxuries like Hermes bags and supercars. (information) Cyber citizens soon found out that she was a vice manager of Red Cross. (information). People couldn’t help connecting her huge fortune with corruption of donation because she was too young to earn such huge fortune by herself. (information) People were irritated and asked Red Cross to publicize the use of their donation. (information) The Red Cross, however, failed to give the information which shattered people’s trust. (information) This scandal forced Red Cross to reform and tell the use of every donation. (information) Without this scandal which catches so much attention around the country, Red Cross would not yield so easily. (elaboration)

这篇文章能得几分？

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作者: 前意识的斑点    时间: 2017-8-19 13:05:34


Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(points the main point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (Information about the scandal) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky.(Further explanation about the information) They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (More information)But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (Elaboration)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaborate the main point in the context of academic studies)


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (topic sentence stating the main Point)The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. (Information about the scandal) During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill. (Information about the scandal) The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (Information about the scandal) As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals.  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (Elaborate the main point in the context of academic studies)



Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. (topic sentence stating the main Point)For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. (Information about the scandal) While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure.(Elaborate ) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  (Elaborate the main point in the context of academic studies)



In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.


我的作文
Students should always question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

In school nowadays, youngsters are cultivated with science as well as humanity courses. Their thoughts of process are built based on the information they received at school. Thus, some people argue that the youth should always question the knowledge, which they learn at school. However, from my perspective, it depends on the nature of what is being taught. If they are learning about facts and methods, they should only challenge them after mastering it.

To begin with, facts appeared in the engineering courses are usually widely accepted and proved.( topic sentence stating the main Point) When students start learning about data structure of computer science, they would first encounter list, stack as well as heap. (Information about the scandal) They are the basis of this subject and it is ubiquitous in coding. Thus, only by knowing basic knowledges can student understand higher level ideas such as run time and map. It is impossible for the youth to doubt a theory without solid understands of its basic mechanism. (Elaborate the main point in the context of academic studies)


Furthermore, methods utilized in humanity courses are also base stone of the subject. Some people argue that humanity courses are opinion oriented. Thus, student should not accept the information passively. However, the basic methods of the subject are needed because they are tools, which everyone used to communicate. Essays, for example, are known for its strict structure. If students fail to understand how to write introduction, body and conclusion paragraph in the essay, it is not likely for them to write clear and persuasive essays. As a result, the basic tools in the humanity courses are not questionable.

However, values and ideologies taught in schools should be questioned by students. In school, teachers hold different values upon certain topics. One teacher might support the homosexual, while another teacher hate the existence of the homosexual. There is a clear conclusion those topics, Thus, after receiving biased messages, students need to think about them progressively.

In conclusion, students should accept the basic tools taught in science and humanity courses passively. At the same time, they should not follow biased values from teachers blindly.

在三十分钟里写得真的很短小，感觉很崩溃，不知道大家有什么建议写多一些。我也不知道我的观点突不突出，我原来写作文就来被说，观点不明确

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作者: wanghaitao19939    时间: 2017-8-19 13:49:35



ISSUE 4
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  
老师写的：
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. (Point)Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (Information)With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (Information)But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. (Information)They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (information)But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (Elaboration)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaboration)


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (Point)The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico.(Information) During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.(Information-Elaboration) The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (Information)As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. (Elaboration) In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (Elaboration)


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. (Point)For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. (Information) While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (Elaboration)To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. (Elaboration)We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society. (Elaboration)

我写的：
“Although someone may think that heroes and models cannot represent all the people in our society, but the truth is that normally, we never pay attention to the silent majority. (Point)When open a history book, there are all the names of heroes and models, because they write the history. (Information)Once a pedestrian makes him or her heart by us, he or she is a hero or model to some extent rather than a nameless one. (Elaboration)If some ordinary people challenge the authority of elites triumphantly, these people themselves become new heroes and models. (Elaboration)”
1.有PIE，但是最后没有给出一个掷地有声的结论，而是不了了之，要把结论补充在后面。
2.Point 提出句还是不干脆，没有一个让人一下就明白的点，感觉是边思考边写出来的，写完之前自己也不确定会变成什么样。。

对楼上 前意识的斑点 同学一段的评价：
To begin with, facts appeared in the engineering courses are usually widely accepted and proved.( topic sentence stating the main Point) When students start learning about data structure of computer science, they would first encounter list, stack as well as heap. (Information) They are the basis of this subject and it is ubiquitous in coding.  (Information) 要加东西的话可以在这里加：学建筑的学生一开始要掌握很多基础知识，一些在他们学生时代因为叛逆，没有掌握好基本的建筑知识的人从事建筑行业，造成了重大风险。比如说：某某大桥坍塌，某某高档住宅小区消防通道设计不合理酿成悲剧。。（哈哈 我的戏好多）而那些虚心接受基础知识，基本功扎实的建筑师才能给人们带来了安全和便捷。Thus, only by knowing basic knowledges can student understand higher level ideas such as run time and map. It is impossible for the youth to doubt a theory without solid understands of its basic mechanism. (Elaborate the main point in the context of academic studies)

我的收获：
要在动笔前知道自己在写什么，不能怕没得写，因为先定了方向才能想怎么写就怎么写，把它圆回来就行了，因为看的是论证，而不是三观。

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作者: 天地1沙鸥    时间: 2017-8-19 14:40:39



21 Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第1和第三种  支持作者观点通过添加原文的含义及按题目中场景分类，具体来说，circumstances, times, and places 3个角度
flexible 延伸为处理问题时能结合具体情况分析

我的提纲如下
TP：
It is known to us all that our government has been spending plenty of  effort to establish a more resonable law-based society. Thanks to the persistent effort, incereasing numbers of ordinary people become know better about the basic law rules. However, with the sharp development of society, here comes the heated debate whether laws should more flexible to be adapted to the changing society? As for me, increasing flexibility for laws, including considering the circumstances, times and places are indispensable for the goal of achieving a democratica society.

TS1 法律应该更灵活的结合愈发复杂的背景
First of all, there is no denying that any law has its own applying conditions. Therefore, increasing flexibility should be taken into consideration as the society is become more and more complex.
Example: Internet / realtime-showing platform which not exist before
Reason: laws must be flexible enough to face the new born things and to counter the more complex society

TS2  法律应该紧紧跟随时代进步
Moreover, It is also of significant importance to accommodate the laws to the time changing which means more flexibility is needed for the society development. Because the congnization of certain things may change sharply as we constanly improve our thoughts.
Example: plan-based economy/ ban on commercial
Reason: In the war period, the plan-based economy is more effective but after entering the peace period, it is unsuitable

TS3   法律应该根据具体场所来更加灵活
In addition, more flexibility should the laws possess with the changing process of a certain place. The verifying demand for a place or an area could hardly keep constant over time.
Example: cities and pollution rules
Reason: Cities should apply more strict rules as more indudtry carried out otherwise it may cause great pollution.

中间段：
In addition, more flexibility should the laws possess with the changing process of a certain place(point). The verifying demands for a place or an area could hardly keep constant over time. To face these changing demands, the law should considering to be more flexible when handling issues. Otherwise we will not make right dicisions in a place if sitick to the tranditional rules which is unsuitable in that area(information). For example, the Hebei province, which absorb many of the steel-manufacturing industry in Beijing since 1970s, gradually establish some strict laws to forbid the air pollution. Without these rules,the air may get even more worse. (example)  

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
当时想根据原题角度分成3角度，感觉place角度不好展开，如果想从原文提供三角度分类应该怎么阐述？

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作者: 露葵.    时间: 2017-8-19 14:49:32

65 Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


一：公正的法律应该被遵守，它保证社会和谐稳定。如法律规定不能家暴，人们都应该遵守。因为如果家庭矛盾诉诸暴力，不但不能解决，反而会激化，而且引起社会问题。
二：有人认为不公正的法律应该反抗，如在中国大陆，法律不允许同性恋结婚，导致很多相爱的人得不到社会认可。这对性少数人来说不公平，违背人权。但是如果你不走正当途径而采取非法游行、暴力行动，不仅不能改善法律，还会给你带来麻烦。所以对于我们认为不公正的法律，也不应该…
三：有人会说，不反抗不公正的法律意味着永远无法改变现状。如果没有人出来，就不能修订法律。但我们应该用正当手段表达，所以不能不遵守所有法律

开头：
As a member of a society ruled by law, our daily life is closely related with various laws. On the one hand, the laws protect us from being harmed by the possible threatens around. On the other hand, we might be angry with some controversial laws that limit our just rights. While someone declares that the just laws should be obeyed while the unjust ones are not supposed to be respected. I remain doubtful to such proposal, because if we choose to resist the unjust laws in irrational ways, much more trouble will be caused. What's more,  what we can do is to respect the unjust laws and seek legal ways to revise them meanwhile.

Ts1: the just laws should be obeyed.
-The just laws ensure the normal social order.
eg: family violence is forbidden- protect the health right of female and children

Ts2:the unjust laws should be obeyed.
-If the activists demonstrate illegally or they just resort to violence, they will be arrested, and cause chaos.
eg: homosexual marriage

Ts3:we should challenge a law within the legal framework.
eg:修改法律的正当程序。

Ts2扩充：
Advocates of this argument might reject to my opinion. They contend that at times the human rights of people, especially the minority, will be jeopardized by the unjust laws. The controversy on the homosexual marriage can exemplify their argument. There is no doubt that every individual has the right to conjugal bliss, while such a right are regarded as illegal in many countries. An abundance of sexual minority people suffer from the stress from the whole society. Nevertheless, reasonable this claim might be, I am inclined to argue that disobedience and resistance might not solve homosexual marriage problem. If the activists demonstrate outside the government illegally or they just resort to violence, they will be arrested by the police. What's more, this kind of resistance makes our society more chaotic. Consequently, while I admit that some laws for the time being may do harm to some group, I maintain that we should obey and respect the laws.
这个不是完全按照PIE方法写的，写了正反双方，但是每方也有PIE


练习：选择了王老师issue4 的范文
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. （point） Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. （information） But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. （information） They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. （information） But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. （elaboration） With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. （elaboration）


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. （point） The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. （information） During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill. （information） The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. （information） As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. （elaboration） In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. （elaboration）

Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. （point） For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. （information） While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. （elaboration） To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. （elaboration） We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  （elaboration）


感想：非常感谢王老师给我们组织了这个活动，不管是教学视频还是小组交流我都受益很多。
不过感觉微信小组制度还没有完全发挥作用，小组交流和打卡检查可以多一点~

批改：晚上批小组作业

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作者: 游离雨    时间: 2017-8-19 14:58:57

tesolchina 发表于 2017-8-17 20:33
这四类题共有10道，都和权威及对权威的挑战有关。17和6关注对教育的定性，究竟是让人更自由，还禁锢人的思想 ...

不好意思，先占个楼。怕晚上回来太晚。占在这里今晚回来一定完成任务的！

Formal education, normally delivered by trained teachers in a systematic intentional way within a school, plays an important part of an individual’s education in life. People receive planned instruction there and study cultural knowledge, social norms, ethics, values and so on. In spite of  those benefits brought by formal education, I believe, more often than not, our minds and spirits are likely to be shackled rather than to be set free in that the method and content of most modern formal education go against the basic conception of cultivating the “free human”.

To begin with, the content we learn from the formal education is usually a production under the control of national ideology, offering only the knowledge some people want us to know, which prevent us from seeing more possibilities. For example ,the history taught in class is sometimes far from the reality.

In addition, the method teachers adapt to educate students tend to make them spoon-fed doctrines, discouraging students from building up their independent thinking. For instance, the exams are used to evaluate how much the students has digested what the teacher said, ignoring the students’ creative thinking.

Last but not least, the end of the education institutions is more trainning people for the job market than cultivating a person with a comprehensive character. For instance, the education resources would lean to subjects that are easy to make capital available.


我的困惑：
本来想从内容、方法和目标上来论证学校教育的束缚性。但是好像举得例子比较片面和薄弱，说服性不是很强，逻辑连接性也不是很紧密。


我的点评：
1、楼下写得很好哦！棒棒哒，每次看到你的作文都会很有启发，觉得这就是我想写出来的样式，然而我自己实在是写不出来哈哈哈。
2、觉得紧紧抓入“权威性”入手，虽然入口小，但是对讨论的范围限制的很明确，而且相对分老师的权威、知识的权威、和大多数学生的权威，这种分类也比较明晰。不过这三者的顺序或许可以调整下，有个一步步递进的关系？从人，到内容，再到人，虽然是并列，但如果有某种递进的感觉会更好？


最后真的感谢王老师！语言真的无法描述！不过就是每次完成任务都会有偷懒。觉得比较羞愧。会继续努力完善突破自己不敢写的东西的

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作者: 猜cc    时间: 2017-8-19 16:59:16



17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

claim: education restrains our minds and spirits.
reason: It enforces the authority of teachers, knowledge and the majority, which limit our ways of thinking.

Intro:
Education plays a more and more important role in modern life nowadays. From my understanding, education, especially formal education in the elementary and high school, is to teach the majority of people the knowledge they need to live their life. However, accompanied with it are many hidden presumptions which chain our mind and spirit, like the authority of teacher and knowledge, and also of the majority.

ts1: Teachers' authority is set up through the praise and punishment system.[point]
Teachers punish those intractable children who dares to question their authority and paise those good boys.[info]
long after, students won't speak out their own views, or even lose the ability to think in different ways, which actually restrict the mind and spirit.[elaboration]

ts2: Knowledge was made unquestionable due to the grading and examination system.[point]
As we all know, exams are vital in grading students' achievement. All the learning process of students is set to help students get high scores. Students are asked to recite most of the knowledge as if they are always right. Moreover, to improve efficiency and standardization of assessing a person, there is only one perfect answer to a question.[info]
In this circumstance, students will gradually get used to follow the most common and easy solutions and wouldn't waste time thinking of other possibilities, cause it won't improve his grades. Their thinking mode is also stuck in the most common ways and was never free from these constraints.[elaboration]

ts3: The paramount of the majority's need in education insitution ignores personal distinction, making individuals easily succumb to the majority's opinions.[point]
The principle that the majority's needs overwhelm personal need is applied in almost every decision of the education institution. All the rules, like the timetable, the size of all the desks and tables, and even the way teachers instill knowledge, are made to satisfy the majority's need. when teachers or administrators make these decisions, students is just an abstract notion, not a concrete person. There also many other decision in the school made through voting, which means the majority counts, such as electing a monitor or choosing a sightseeing day.[info]
so, every individual has to adjust themselves to the majority's need in all aspects of their life, which will cause them to believe that the majority's need is most justifiable, so is the opinions of the majority. Students are too worried about having different opinions from most others to think freely.[elaboration]

点评五楼明早起来写。
感想和建议：特别感谢王老师这次的活动，感觉老师花费了好多心血，感动。跟着写下来觉得获益很多。中间几次因为在旅途中，写得比较匆忙，很遗憾。活动很好，老师的课程很实用，点评也非常有针对性，互评的模式让大家更深刻地理解老师的建议和要点。就是老师的字有时看不清&#128516;。

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作者: Dover999    时间: 2017-8-19 18:52:43

17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


It is argued that the standard education doesn’t emancipate but constrain people’s beliefs. In some degree, it may be right. For example, in order to keep their interest or social status not being impaired, some people control the others through education. There are also a few schools view the education only as a tool by which they can improve the students’ scores, which extremely stiffs the students’ mind. On the contrary, the schools that admire the academic free can largely energize the students’ mind.
TS1
Usually, governments regard education as the main means to control citizens’ spirits. Almost every semester in my university, there is some classes that teach you nothing but how right the route the leaders recommended is.  

TS2
Regardless for the promotion or for the further education, people are often required attend some tests to attest they have already obtained that kind of ability. It’s  very common in China, the aim of the high schools are only help student to acquire their ideal score. Not  surprising, in such a circumstance, what the students learn is more about the skills of passing the exams than knowledges.  

TS3
The universities that aim to promote the students’ abilities of solving practical problems  often help student free their minds but not stiff them. Nowadays, most of the science and technology results from the education, which promote the society greatly.

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作者: 哥特同学    时间: 2017-8-19 19:08:24

占楼，一会儿补充。

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作者: GoldenString    时间: 2017-8-19 20:18:56

Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

TS：In the modern socirty, laws are an peaceful way to solve various sociable problems without degenerating into a violent state. It is obvious that all people should obey the just laws that are admitted by all individuals in terms of its justice. However, for the unjust laws that are incompatible with the development of modern society, individuals should challenge such laws through legal means and civil disobedience.

ts1.There is no doubt that every individual ought to obey the just laws.(POINT) For a simple example, Every individual is aware of the importance of obeying the traffic law about the ban on runing red lights .(INFORMATION) It's illegal to run red lights in most countries.  A relatively complete set of traffic laws including illegally running red lights that everybody recognize and abide has been formed to make sure the traffic safety and the efficiency of daily transportation. If a driver runs red lights, his or her behavior will be of great possibility to cause a traffic accident that threatens the safety of the driver, the passengers and others sharing the road and affect people's normal travel negatively. In order to protect the interests of everyone involved and the normal operation of society, the traffic laws ban such behavior amd punish the people who breaking the laws. For just laws like this,  people don't challenge the justice behind them and sincerely hope everyone to abide the laws seriously.(Elaboration)

ts2:Some laws are controversial and questioned by people for its justice. I can't find any better examples than this, the 522nd article of Lebanon's criminal laws: if the rapist marries the victim, the rapist will not be prosecuted.
The criminal was given a chance to escape the trial.
For the victims who are forced to marry the rapists because of the family's honor, they could have to bear the double torture of the body and mind. This is undoubtedly a secondary injury to the victim.
It is unjust for both the victims and rapists.

ts3: How to deal with such unjust laws for us? Some people argue that we should fight against the government even with violent resistance. However, I don't agree with it because this behavior may threaten the stability of socirty and have little effect on solving the problems.
As far as i am concerned,individuals should challenge such laws through legal means and civil disobedience.

campaign for abolishing the laws through new legislation.  
Pacific protest campaign/  lead to the public opinion/  get the public ,government and lawmakers / to abolish the laws through new legislation

点评11楼
1）作者框架OK，就是你的ts3好像是在说法律的公正根基是由人民决定的，人们都反对的话法律就无效了！（这个我有点质疑，在某一时间某一情景下大多数人所坚持的所谓公正并不一定是法律真正的公正）
2）作者的ts2所用例子不是太充分，好像一点而过，有点模糊。ts3作者好像实在论证法律的公正&根基是由谁决定，没有具体例子充实，感觉有点空。
3）作者语言并没有太大差错，就是ts2的
-Although the developed countries can’t feel the injustice today, however,this kind of situations still there in developing countries.
应该是are still there.还有就是我觉得这句话有点别扭，什么叫发达国家不能感觉到不公平？你可以直接说发达国家也存在法律不公平现象。这样我觉得更通顺些~

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作者: amber_123    时间: 2017-8-19 20:31:22

17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. 

No model essay

My essay

More and more people have received formal education since young. No matter you are in America or in Africa, the numbers of children who get formal education are increasing. I believe that formal education has freed human minds and spirits instead of restraining them. Because formal education builds concrete foundational knowledge for students. When people attend universities, formal education would guide them to specific fields. Although people may concentrate on several spots in their fields, their minds are even freer.

To begin with, formal education help students build concrete foundational knowledge. (point) As we all know, foundational knowledge is the basic of free thinking. (information) When we are in primary school, we mainly learn simple mathematics like plus and minus. (information) Later we would learn convoluted ones.  (information) Formal education system teaches knowledge from easy to difficult which is good for learners. (elaboration) Formal education also teaches comprehensive knowledge which contains verbal, math, art, and other courses. (information) Students who receive formal knowledge would develop into a full grown man. (information) With a scientific teaching process and comprehensive knowledge, formal education gives people concrete foundational knowledge. (elaboration)

In addition, in universities, formal educational system would guide students to specific fields according to everyone’s interest. (point) There are many colleges and specific fields in university such as medicine, psychology, mathematics and engineering. (information) After short time learning of general courses, people would freely choose what they like to learn further. (information) University would guide them into the fields from easy and basic knowledge to professional one. (information) If a person choose psychology, he would receive courses like general psychology, developmental psychology and experimental psychology. (information) Through learning specific courses, people would free their interests. (elaboration)

On the other hand, while concentrated on a specific field seems being constrained in a spot, our minds, if we take a deeper look, are even freer. (point) When learners choose a field to study, they usually don’t have outside pressure to learn other knowledge because university only evaluates score of related courses. (information) That may seem like an adversity of formal education of being limited. (elaboration) However, as we all know, our energy is limited as well. (information) With learning vast knowledge, we are usually not able to think deeper of a specific one. (information) People need to concentrate on specific fields to learn deeper and make breakthrough. (information) Inside these fields, they are encouraged to challenge old theories and discover new findings. (information) To a certain degree, they are even freer than before because of breaking limitations. (elaboration) People would think deeper and freer when concentrated on specific fields. (elaboration)

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作者: powerfulbean    时间: 2017-8-19 21:28:42

68) Some people believe that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. Others believe that formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

我所采用的是第三种方法，分基础教育和高等教育两方面来讨论。

Intro

It is gradually accepted that education is important to everyone in every stage of life. Many people believe that the benefits of accepting education is to free our thoughts and spirits, while others believe that the spirit and mind are restrained by the formal education. For the students in primary school and high school, formal education can teach the students basic technics to keep learning and create new knowledges in the future, but in the university, students should not only just accepted formal education as it can just teach students the knowledge from the past but not future.

TS1
In the primary school, students are taught basic knowledge and skills which help them better accumulate knowledge in the future.
Eg. The verbal and quantitative skills are the tools for people around the world to communicate in daily life.
Eg. The self-control of children are weak, the formal education can help them to develop a well personality.

TS2
In the middle school, the education have both sides’ impact on students.
Eg. Students will accept formal education which teaches them basic natural knowledge, which not only can be applied in the future learning in the University, but also can be applied to solve some problems we face in the daily life.
Eg. But, to some extent., the education also restrain students’ mind. As most teachers ask students to think about physical problems or math problems in specific ways, some competitions encourage the participants to solve problems innovative ways.

TS3
In the university, formal education can restrain students’ long-term succeed.
Eg. In the university, students are preparing for the future researches or careers.  As we all know, many questions do not have absolutely right answers and students should learn to challenge the authorize and to find if there is a better way.

Eg. However, without basic skills learnt from the formal education, it will be more difficult for people to make innovation, cause they do not know how to communicate, how to write essays or how to calculate.

PIE
Teacher’s part:
ISSUE 1
The development of new technologies also challenges those people responsible for formulating policies and rules regulating the use of technologies.(POINT: Thesis statement) The popularity of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter presents a wide variety of social problems such as cyberbullying, hacking and privacy violation that call for the introduction of new rules and policies.(INFORMATION) Government officials, legislators and experts in relevant fields have to work together to address these issues through developing more sophisticated policies and laws.(ELABORATION: Regulations are needed) For example, Facebook has now gathered a staggeringly large amount of data about its users in digital forms and used the data to make profits in many different ways.(INFORMATION: specific challege) To address issues like these, the policy makers will of course rely on the state-of-the-art technologies for communications such as email, video conferencing and even Facebook to collect feedback from the users and data from different sources.(ELABORATION) They may also rely on statistical software packages such as SPSS to analyze the data.(ELABORATION) But the technologies can never make the decisions for them.(POINT) They still have to think about these issues from different perspectives and come up with their own decisions.(INFORMATION) As a result, for these policy makers, this statement does not hold true, either.(ELABORATION)

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作者: HelloC424    时间: 2017-8-19 21:39:53

Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

老师的范文：

I believe that scientific research and development should not be subject to any restrictions from governments.  I will first discuss why the governments should not place restrictions on research activities by considering the nature of the government and its threat to academic freedom.  Next, I will explain why such restrictions are not necessary by explaining how research activities are being monitored by funding agencies and ethical review committees.  

My first objection to government restriction is based on my skepticism of the power of governments in general and my belief in academic freedom. （point） As Thomas Paine famously put it, “Government, even in its best form, is a necessary evil.”  We allow the government to take away part of our freedom and property (via taxation) because some form of government is necessary to maintain the social order.  （Information） But the power of the government should be restricted; otherwise, the power will be abused by the government officials. （Elaborate) Since scientific research and development do not usually threaten the social order and national security, I believe that the government should not place any restrictions on them. (Elaboration) Meanwhile, the principle of academic freedom, which is the core values of higher education, also dictates that the government should allow maximum freedom for the scientists and researchers to pursue any projects they are interested in.  

Another reason why the government should not restrict scientific research is that research projects nowadays often have to go through lengthy processes of funding applications during which experts will evaluate the potential benefits and harms of the research.  （topic）If a research project carries certain risk or threat to public safety or national security, it is very unlikely that such projects would receive financial support from the funding agencies.  （information）In other words, we should trust the scientific community itself to make sound decisions on whether or not a particular project should be supported or not.  (Elaboration) Through the competitive processes for funding, projects that are potentially harmful will be stopped.   (Elaboration)

Finally, it is important to recognize the importance of the ethical approval mechanisms that are in place to screen all research projects nowadays. （topic） Before the researchers start any projects, they will have to submit a report to the ethical review committee of their institutions to get ethics approval.  （information）Any projects that are ethically problematic or may threaten the public interests will not receive endorsement from the ethics committees. （information） As a result, such projects will not continue.  (information)Again, the ethical approval mechanism is another example of how the scientific community itself can check the validity and soundness of the research projects without the need of government intervention.  (Elaboration)

In conclusion, governments should not restrict research activities in any way because the power of the governments should be limited to the scope where government is necessary.  In addition, scientific research and development have already been subject to close scrutiny in funding applications and ethical review through which potentially harmful or dangerous projects will not be approved or supported.  

对楼上同学的评价：
结构很清晰，然而整体的例子稍显弱势，所以段落比较短。里面有一些例子和观点的connection可能比较不够清晰，比如ts2的随着时间变化，对自由的定义变了，但是例子是同性恋。其实我觉得这里更多是人权的问题（恋爱自由）。这同时也是我的问题，怎么样才能写出很长很长的段落？怎么样可以有更多的话说？

其他感想：
因为这两天比较忙，我就没有选择自己写文章，粗浅的分析了一下老师的文章。
我觉得在实际写作文中，自己例子的积累比较匮乏，在写作文时想法的速度比较慢，并且写的段落也比较短。还未能形成一个自己的模版。不知道如何在较短的时间内获得性价比比较高的提升～
小群大群的左右仿佛都不大，我们小群比较沉默，大家也没有什么交流，可能需要一些活动促进交流～

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作者: liwenhao19    时间: 2017-8-19 21:57:34

tesolchina 发表于 2017-8-17 20:33
这四类题共有10道，都和权威及对权威的挑战有关。17和6关注对教育的定性，究竟是让人更自由，还禁锢人的思想 ...

4 Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

TS: Though scandals are powerful way to focus people’s attention on some social problems, they are not useful means to push forward social reform, since scandals often focus our attention on the wrong issue, and scandals often fails to hold our attention longer enough to lead to reform. Moreover, sandals often arouse irrational emotion rather than rational refection, and irrational emotions are the worst enemies of social reform.

Ts1: scandals often focus our attention on the wrong issues:
Example: in the sandal that a famous host in fox news sexual harassed its women employees, people show great interests in whether they have slept together, but the real issues are how to protect women in work place from sexual harassment.

Ts2: scandals often fail to hold our attention long enough to lead to useful reform.
Example, fox news sexual harassment, people stop talking about it weeks later, since in the social media era, there are tons of breaking news compete for our attention every seconds. While real reforms usually take years to achieve.

Ts3: scandals often arouse irrational furies than rational reflection, and those irrational feelings can often ruin instead of facilitate social reform.
Ex: after the scandals of several horrible crime by immigrants, people force the government to kick immigrants out of the country, thus ruin government’s effort to save the weak economy by bring immigrants laborers with low cost to the country.

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作者: xiulin2015    时间: 2017-8-19 22:02:41

Sample writing:
"The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.”
If a person is not answerable to anybody then in spite of his sincerity he might be negligent in performing his duties. (Information) On the contrary if a person is aware of the fact that he is answerable to the public for what ever he does for the society, he would make sure that everything is done properly. (Information) Authority and responsibility are the different sides of the same coin.( Elaboration)  They appear to be different but they are integral parts of each other. (Elaboration) Therefore, a person who is given authority has to take the responsibility. (Point) It was in the past when there was authoritarian rule like the one of Adolph Hitler but soon people realized the importance of being free and slowly all such practices came to an end. (Information, further facts) In the present day scenario people are more educated and thus more aware of their rights and they want to question if they are deprived of their rights. (Information, provide a different context ) The right to question has brought revolution and people have become stronger. (Point) Now nobody can make a fool out of them as they know what their rights are. (Elaboration)

comments: The point doesn’t show in the first sentence and the information and elaboration come before the introducing the point. I doubt  whether this organizing of paragraph is accepted and can be adopted by test takers or not. PIE structure is clearly demonstrating the development of logic. Point in the topic sentence, supported by facts of Information and then relating the reasoning between point and information.

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作者: TaylorW    时间: 2017-8-19 22:08:47



Issue 23
Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


TS:Should government reduce the restrictions they press on scientific research and development or should they not? From my point of view, they should for the reason that government’s interference on scientific research, for the most time, plays a negative role in developing. With government’s excess restrictions, scientific research is inevitably impeded in budget misled in direction and slowed down in researching process.

Pt1: Government cut down research budget easily when they let other project such as transportation constructions and urbanization take priority to science.
-Government prefer projects that bring immediate profit or visible changes to scientific developments which cost time and money.
-Steven hawking once claiming to leave England for its government cut down national research fund.

Pt2: When government has a limited financial budget on scientific research they tend to mislead research direction to fields that would profit military and national arsenal. It is a betray to science original intention, humanity.
-nuclear weapon is invented during world war two and it bite back on human beings.

Pt3: Government’s concerning would seriously impede efficiency of developing.
-Government force science institute not to use mice in tests for human rights groups put pressure on them. While there is no other animal are more suitable.



Pt2: When government leave a limited financial budget on scientific research they tend to mislead research direction to fields that would profit military and national arsenal. (topic sentence starting the main point) The meaning of existence of science is to provide benefits to all creature. While developing high tech weapons became a violation to science original intention. When potent weapons embody power to a country , it put threaten to humans at the same time.(provide further information) Take nuclear weapons for an example. (elaborate the information with an example ) In late 20 century, nuclear fission is raised as a significant finding in atomic research. As World War II breaks , nuclear weapon developing is funded by the U.S government and later the first atomic bomb is invented. And that bomb burn down a whole city into ashes. (elaborate the example )Without the government’s furtherance, the nuclear could be used in power station to generate energy for daily life instead of destroy civilization. Science became weapons in government’s hands. (summarize main point)  
   

Issue23-范文分析：
Pt4：Finally, it is important to recognize the importance of the ethical approval mechanisms that are in place to screen all research projects nowadays.  （point& information -ethical approval mechanism is important）Before the researchers start any projects, they will have to submit a report to the ethical review committee of their institutions to get ethics approval.   Any projects that are ethically problematic or may threaten the public interests will not receive endorsement from the ethics committees.  As a result, such projects will not continue. （elaboration-how it works） Again, the ethical approval mechanism is another example of how the scientific community itself can check the validity and soundness of the research projects without the need of government intervention.  (Further elaboration & summarize main point)



我来点评其他网友
楼层： 18

1）____网友提纲的框架是否合理？
作者提纲分类按照原文提供的3个角度circumstances, times, and places分类展开
从这三个方面来肯定支持题目观点 站正面 完全合理

2）____网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
circumstances 用了应对新生事物网络
Times用了计划经济
Places 用了污染防治
例子都是合理的 place 举例也可以举例城市和小乡村税率不一样 大城市税高农村低

3）____网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
incereasing numbers of ordinary people become know better about the basic law rules.
Becomeh和know两个动词
As for me , increasing flexibility for laws , including considering the circumstances , times and places is indispensable to the goal of achieving a democratic society .

中间段更正部分：
The verifying demands for a place or an area could hardly keep constant over time . To face these changing demands , the law should consider to be more flexible when handling issues . Otherwise we will not make right decisions on a place if stick to the traditional rules which are unsuitable for that area .




写作活动中期感受：
活动到现在写了4个issue两个argument了 开始时候结构框架很模糊 经过学习有了 更好的掌握也比较灵活 但是缺乏应试能力 因为现在都是给定范围内的写作 考场随机出题 有限时间迅速成提纲的能力还要锤炼 老师这期帖子的讲解比较开门见山 省略了很多前部分的内容 我看过老师的6分教学博客帖子后有更全面的理解 因为想深入学习 所以工作量更大 总结博客和这次活动后应该收获就不仅丰厚了 更能扎实。
老师的入门系列一审题的那帖子非常非常好非常非常重要 希望这期活动的小伙伴们也关注一下
我一直觉得老师的语言很高级，想学升级表达呢，句式用词上的一些技巧 希望也能传授呢~~~~~

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作者: liwenhao19    时间: 2017-8-19 22:16:20

Morfire 发表于 2017-8-18 20:23
21.Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.
Writ ...

1. 语言问题导致表达不清
2.例子展开的不是很对路，比如第一个例子你花了很多笔墨说，送孕妇去意愿不该惩罚而惩罚了会咋么样，事实上，大家在这个事情上是没什么争议的，不用写这么多，建议你看看老师的范文里是怎么展开的。你因该抽象出事情的特征也即是急迫性来argue
3.第二个例子举的不当
4. 最后的反面说的，我觉得不好，与孩子的性行为，本身是个个例，不足以反驳法律因该灵活。
5.以上是个人见解，不一定对，反正加油啦，会越来越好的

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作者: MaggieLLLLLL    时间: 2017-8-19 22:32:19



65 Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

我的思路：different perspectives

Laws can be critical for a society’s prosperity as it shows the general public benchmark to behave, the standard of what is right and wrong. However, even laws which are supposed to be the fairest in the world can be considered as unjust in some people’s eyes, therefore some people argue that we should also disobey the unjust laws despite of obeying just laws. However, it is irresponsible to make this statement because laws should not be judged under this standard, the possible chaos would be caused if this argument is implemented。  
       
  TS1: Firstly, it is oversimplified to just dividing laws as just and unjust. As we all know, whether a law is perceived as just or not is based purely by one’s subjective perception. A just law in one person’s eye can be totally unacceptable in another’s. It can be affected by various factors: Values, culture, education……
    e.g. gay rights

   TS2: Secondly, if people choose to disobey laws, there may be great possibilities that great chaos would occur. The reason for the laws existence is to regulate people’s behaviors and guide people to do things in a certain way that would make the society work in a systematic way.
     e.g. parade—illegal, relatives of some victims believe it is justice to kill the murder
   
   TS3: Some people may challenge that if we disregard unjust law in many people’s eyes, it may harm the society and mutual benefits of its citizens, and also the society as a whole in the long run. But in reality, laws are always changeable. f we find a problem, we can always take strategic move within the legal framework of legislation to modify the laws for better good. E.g. Gain media coverage, looking for experts or scholars’ attention……

我的问题：challenging view需要放在intro的ts里吗。。。一直想问


点评30楼：感觉架构还是挺清晰的，栗子也举的不错，挺具体的，但我在想可以举出一些因为政府干预而被限制了的科学发展可能会更好，因为nuclear毕竟是因为政府的鼓励而兴起的，不知道有没有什么科学研究在同时期被限制了？语言方面挺好的，就是有些地方标点符号好像缺了，逗号啥的。

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作者: sweepyou    时间: 2017-8-19 22:45:26



4.Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no
speaker or reformer ever could.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In
developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or
examples that could be used to challenge your position.

TS: I do believe that the scandals can draw public attention to critical social problems more effectively than an average reformer do, and thus bring about widespread discussions, which is the prerequisite for a solution or reform.
用的是第二种framework.

ts1: When it comes to certain critical political issues, scandals play a vital role in drawing public attention, while a reformer or speaker may be reluctant to disclose such cases.
e.g. In an authoritarian state, people can hardly get negative information from official-run news resources. Even worse, due to some common interest, a reformer or speaker may not want to disclose such information, while scandals can always draw public attention.

ts2: Even when those in power are not intentionally cover up some social problems, they may also turn a blind eye on them. In this sense, scandals also play a vital part to raise public awareness.
e.g. A journal discloses a cheating scandal in a university in Japan. After the disclosure of the scandal, the public helps urges the official to reform the system.

ts3: 让步段。while it seemed that people's attention may be diverted from the real crucial problem, finally, it may bring about valuable debate over the issue.
e.g. President Clinton's affair.

点评7楼：
从第一段开始似乎没有解决这个issue的后半段，即in ways a speaker or reformer...的问题。即没有完全呼应。
第二段里面有个长句似乎可以简化一下，从句太复杂容易把自己绕进去:)还有a lot of focus这个表达不知道对不对。

第三段是想说明丑闻消耗了不必要的时间，而且做出了不好的引导吧？仍然需要呼应这个issue的后半句，即对比和reformer or speaker在解决社会问题时的区别。

其实一开始写这个issue我的想法也只是集中在scandal is valuable or not这个问题上，完全忘了后半句。

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作者: Ptisenbonandrab    时间: 2017-8-19 23:05:23

4）Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.


With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people.(information)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (elaboration)


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (point)The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.  The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (information) As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals.  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (elaboration)



Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. (point)For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities.  While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (information) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  (elaboration)



In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.

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作者: xiaoruichan    时间: 2017-8-19 23:06:47

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. （Point）Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. （Information）But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex.（Information） But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, （Information）the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. （elaboration）

In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. （Point） The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.  （Information）The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. （Information）As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals.  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. （elaboration）


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. （Point）For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless,  Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities.  （Information）While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. （elaboration）To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  （elaboration）


In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.

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作者: bio-L    时间: 2017-8-19 23:13:55



Issue 65 u示范 第四段第三个论点
Some people may challenge my position by asking about what to do with the injustice of certain laws such as the laws denying rights to marry for homosexual couples.  It turns out that there are at least two ways to challenge a law within the legal framework. 【piont, resist the issue claim】 First, the people unhappy with certain laws can always campaign for abolishing the laws through new legislation.  The members of the legislature are elected by the people and should respect the opinions of their constituencies when making decisions regarding different laws.【information1】  Second, the laws can also be challenged in the federal courts and may be striken down for being unconstitutional. 【information2， two information form a parallel structure 】 Therefore, people can always try to reform the laws that are not just without disobeying or resisting them illegally. 【elaboration . however, no relation is indicated between the information and point 】

不知道explaination 是不是算一个information？

My issue, 第三段，第二个论点
In addition, before requiring students to learn abroad, we need to consider the conditions of our own country.【point】 Maybe in some domains our colleges or universities have the best resources, so it appears misunderstanding confusing that send students in those domains to other places. 【information and weak elaboration 】Some people might contradict that students need not only the academic abilities, but also other skills like communication and organization, and go abroad is a way that may improve these skills effectively. 【cite other’s point, try to give information】They consider that studying and living in a foreign country could benefit students in many aspects, and they can make friends with other foreign students, which may also benefit to them. 【the benefit of going abroad; more information, no elaboration】 In some knowledge like PR, as the personal connection becomes crucial, students in these can choose to study abroad certainly. However, in such knowledge like mathematics the academic ability is more important. 【information】If these students could get more professional trains in their own country, why not require them go other places?【elaboration】

Can I use the last three sentences to be a elaboration ?

点评：和34楼同学的想法有些地方不一样
第一段建议最后一句话的after前面加上But
第二段话的
But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people
应该是elaboration

，第四段的it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure没有照应开头，相反地，将讨论的重点转到了其它地方，因此，
To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated.
应该是一个Point
最后一句确实是elaboration，但是缺information


学习：issue和argument的开头，结尾样式及主体的展开方式。 但是也感到有些内容不太好理解。
如：pie模型中是如何看待some people challenge ... 这样的句子的呢？这一点没理解。
在很多时候例子可能不好举，希望王老师能讲解下如何得到自己的例子并运用它。
《美国大学英语写作》里面讲了，我们一般写作是平行法（名字搞忘了），而西方一般是演绎法，不知道演绎法可不可以用到gre的写作中？

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作者: telepathyivan    时间: 2017-8-19 23:20:10



老师写的issue4 的model
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(POINT made about scandal’s necessity) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (INFORMATION using a example) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (ELABORATION on people’s attitude towards this scandal) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (ELABORATION on people’s attitude towards this scandal)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (ELABORATION leading to the point above)

我写的argu14
To begin with, the author's claim relies heavily on the assumption that the executives should receive most, of not all, the credit of the excellent performance of the company. (POINT about the assumption maded by the author in the argument)Generally speaking, we hold the belief that the growth of a company cannot be achieved without every single unit's effort. (INFORMATION about who should be credited)Ascribing all glory elements to the executives, though they are in high position and exert more influence than others, is unfair and unreasonable to other contributors.(ELABORATION on the fault of the assumption) If there is a case that  demonstrates the significance role played by other normal employees, the assumption here will be greatly challenged,and therefore the argument will be less convincing. (ELABORATION on the possible consequence resulted from this assumption)

点评17楼
“Although someone may think that heroes and models cannot represent all the people in our society, but the truth is that normally, we never pay attention to the silent majority. (Point)When open a history book, there are all the names of heroes and models, because they write the history. (Information)Once a pedestrian makes him or her heart by us, he or she is a hero or model to some extent rather than a nameless one. (Elaboration)If some ordinary people challenge the authority of elites triumphantly, these people themselves become new heroes and models. (Elaboration)”
第一句里面although 和but不能同时存在， 要删掉一个 而且前半句后半句并不是转折的意思 不能代表所有人 我们未关注普通人
后面的内容： 普通人挑战权威成功，就是英雄了。 那不是还是在说 ：要成为英雄， 和普通人的本质作用并没有特别多关联。
是不是想说普通人作用也很大，如果是的话说普通人的事迹会不会好些 比如十年如一日做什么之类的 螺丝钉啊啥的
以上是我的一点想法，希望对你有帮助

感想：
这次的活动对我个人来讲帮助很大，不再觉得写作可怕（虽然还是以前的那个水平，但心理上不是那么害怕了）。对我的master 论文也很有帮助，一些思路是共同的，感谢王老师和版主们愿意花时间做这件事情，考完gre我也会一直写下去的

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作者: justicekl    时间: 2017-8-19 23:32:04

23 Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. 


I believe that scientific research and development should not be subject to any restrictions from governments.  I will first discuss why the governments should not place restrictions on research activities by considering the nature of the government and its threat to academic freedom.  Next, I will explain why such restrictions are not necessary by explaining how research activities are being monitored by funding agencies and ethical review committees.  

model essay：
My first objection to government restriction is based on my skepticism of the power of governments in general and my belief in academic freedom.(point)  As Thomas Paine famously put it, “Government, even in its best form, is a necessary evil.”  (I)We allow the government to take away part of our freedom and property (via taxation) because some form of government is necessary to maintain the social order.(I)  But the power of the government should be restricted(I); otherwise, the power will be abused by the government officials(I).  Since scientific research and development do not usually threaten the social order and national security, I believe that the government should not place any restrictions on them(E).  Meanwhile, the principle of academic freedom, which is the core values of higher education(I), also dictates that the government should allow maximum freedom for the scientists and researchers to pursue any projects they are interested in.  (E)

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作者: bigheiniu    时间: 2017-8-19 23:33:19



issue 17
17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

提纲:

开头: Although formal education help a great of students get suitable education, yet due to its repeated tests and identical stand for students, some people think the formal education has constrained their ability about free thinking. I fairly agree with this thought in implemention subject and art, but in basic subject like math, formal education have free students' thinking.

1. On the one hand, in applied subject, formal education impedes people' creativity.
        e.g. different stands of current prevalent applications => twitter: public media, telegram: private media, Wechat: between these two kinds.



2. Thousands kinds of art will be constrained by the formal education.
e.g. music => only teach mainstream music, and the stand for good music is static.
        el: 1. students' curiosity in conventional music only survive in the countryside will be hamperred.
                2. students are less likely to express their own feelings or spirits in the music because this will not meet the stand.

3. Formal education bolester many creative ideas in basic subject.       
        e.g. math => repeated exercise reinforce the axiom to studnets and identical standars meet the need of precise.
        Immersing with the knowledge allow students find some hole between the axioms and find unknown areas which they can go to explore.

On the one hand, in applied subject, formal education impedes people' independent thinking[Point]. These is no stand for what a good product is, students and engineers have to do the brain storm to get the proper way to implement their knowledge.[Information] Take computer program for example, there are applications like twitter focus on the public interaction, telegram concentrating on private or close friend relationship.[Information] If the program developer just follow what they learn from school that social application should be as open as possible, how can it explain the popularity of telegram. Or just on these two sides,  be public or private, the  success of WeChat in China focus both on stranger and close friendship will be concealed.[运用假设法进行 Evaluate] Although identical stand can allow teacher assess student

点评 19楼同学:
1）网友提纲的框架是否合理？
  开头写的特别好, 先讨论背景, 再讨论题目来引出自己的观点. 陈述完观点后, 清楚的展示了后文的行文框架.

2) 网友提纲所用的例子是否合适?
  例子用的很准确, 用家庭暴力法律来代表正义的法律, 同性恋法律代表不正义法律. 最后做出一个建议

3) 网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
  很好

4) 关于 PIE 模型的建议:
1. 在 If the activists demonstrate outside the government illegally or they just resort to violence, they will be arrested by the police. 后续还需要再提一下 对于同性恋推动会有什么坏的影响.
2. 反对意见可以作为一个让步, 放在你的 elaboration 之中.

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作者: 战G进行时    时间: 2017-8-19 23:40:12



Challenging the authority
No.4
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

范文PIE分析
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. (Topic sentence to state the Point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (provide the relevant fact or Information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. (further explain the example: Information) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (connect the information with the point: Elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaborate the main point: Elaboration)

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Our life is filled with various scandals relating to politics, culture, etc. Gossip about scandals has been part of our leisure time. In my opinion, scandals attract people to pay attention to existing problems. However, scandals sometimes may also exert passive influence in the society.

主题句1 Some young people are not interested in news. Scandals are helpful to lead those people to care for problems.
具体例子或细节
-        Bill Clinton, WaterGate

主题句2 In working places, scandals may make people absent, failing to finish their work.
具体例子或细节
- In school, scandals disturb students.
-        In factory, scandals disturb workers. May cause accidents

主题句3 Scandals may distort the truth.  
具体例子或细节
- Michael Jackson
-        Ruan Lingyu’s suicide

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
这两天有事写得有点草率了。最大的感想就是拿到作文题不会怵了，有框架有结构，知道怎么规划内容。


点评：38楼
应该是写中间段或者提纲，只写了第一段吧，没有太多内容可以分析，也跟PIE模型无关。

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作者: xiulin2015    时间: 2017-8-19 23:46:46

21 Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

Introduction
Laws should facilitate to the development of a society and its flexibility is given to the consideration of various circumstances, times and places when the society is evolving. However laws are also holding the fundamental value and belief of the society and protect one country’s sovereignty and security where the rigidness couldn’t be ignored.

Ts1: Laws should be evolved when new technologies and inventions are challenging the norm of society and its flexibility to supplementaries is of significant importance. ( Point) The most controversial topic nowadays is the laws for Artificial Intelligence. (Information) There are probabilities that Artificial Intelligence breaks the current law and disturb the public security when its legislation of usage in form of law is not brought up. (Elaboration) Therefore the implementation of laws should be flexible to leave the space for supplementaries to improve its implementation to real situations.(Point) However if the flexibility is missed out, it will somehow deteriorate the vibrant development of society.  ( Elaboration, in another context)

eg. the flexibility of laws in regulating for new tech such as unmanned plane or vehicles.   

Ts2: Laws should be rigid to hold its values and beliefs with no circumstance of the change of times and places to protect the country’s sovereignty and security. If laws couldn’t play fairly through the country, the risks of violating the law by greedy people would be higher and cause some unpredictable consequences in the society’s economic, political and cultural development.

eg. Corruption comes along with the power of public servants. Lacking of corresponding laws, the rights would be abused when some of the public servants are faced up with the allure of wealth and benefits beyond their position. China’s anti-corruption law has cleaned up the system and rebuild the reputation of government and strengthen the beliefs in government and stabilize the society at a great extent.

Ts3: Laws are like two sides of sword.

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作者: huan19880122    时间: 2017-8-19 23:48:20

4 Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

Scandals draw attention. People gather around, enthralled by the sharing of secret details and inside information regarding the hot scandals. Cases may have happened in the past that the break of scandals pressured governments or big corporations and resolved the related issues. However, accidental events aside, relying on scandals to address issues in the society is not effective and would cause even more serious problems, like disrupted order in seeking justice and consensus violence.

ts1 Scandals are not an effective way to solve problems.
Sub1: public attention are not sequenced by how serious the issue is but how dirty the scandals are.
Example: photo scandal
Sub2: peoples rarely focus on the problem solving side of a scandal.
Example: photo scandal

ts2 Relying on scandals to address social problems as a routine way may induce massive manipulation of public opinion and disrupt the order in seeking justice.
Example: spinmeisters, large corporation

ts3 Scandals always come along with hidden victims of consensus violence.
Example:Clinton scandal
Victim Monica Lewinsky

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作者: 芸乔    时间: 2017-8-19 23:52:11



Issue 65 范文

Let’s first consider why everyone should be responsible for obeying just laws. (point)  Take the simple examples of the traffic law about driving under the influence of alcohol. (Information)  In most countries, it is illegal to drive if one is drunk. (Information) Few people would challenge the justice behind this law. (Elaboration) When a driver is drunk, s/he would not be able to operate an(应改为a) vehicle safely and driving would threaten the safety of the driver, the passengers and others sharing the road. (Elaboration) To protect the interests of everyone involved, the laws prohibit such behaviors and punish those breaking the laws. (Elaboration) For just laws like this, everyone should obey them and there is no doubt about it. (Elaboration)


点评42楼
整体框架OK，不过这次的任务是用PIE模型分析中间段。层主现在使用的还是第一节课的方法。可以考虑每次举完例子以后再多加一句elaboration，让文章更加丰满并且逻辑性更强。


最近的感想就是很感谢老师和寄托提供给大家这么一个机会可以群体进步，通过改同学的文章也学到很多。另外，如果有可能的话，希望老师能尽量对大家交的作业都有一个点评。之前因为头几次交作业都没点评到，没感受到互动的乐趣，所以中间有所懈怠。不过好在后面又赶上来啦~~这只是一个小希望而已，毕竟老师也很忙。以后还是应该自己早早完成作业才是硬道理~

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作者: beener322    时间: 2017-8-19 23:58:13

提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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作者: SylviaMengyaya    时间: 2017-8-19 23:59:51



Model Essay——Issue 4

“To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(Point) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.(Information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky.(Information) They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex.(Further information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people.(Elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics.(Elaboration) ”

My Essay——Issue 9

Ts1: It is true that many significant contributions are made after first being extensively influenced by past achievements, especially those that are still proved to be true, within that field.(Point) These achievements like a light in the darkness, lead us closer to the truth of the world. Human beings are born with a desire to explore the unknown world.(Information) Therefore, attention of scientists has always paid to outer space.(Further Information with Example) Without the successful launching of the satellite, there won’t be the successful landing of the spacecraft, even the man’s landing on the moon.(Elaboration) And these achievements have pushed us to a deeper exploration of outer space such as landing on Mars.(Elaboration)

Outline for Issue 17:
17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Framework: 第二种，从教学内容，教育者和学生，三个角度出发。教育内容是被规定好的，但是教师的教学方式是不同的，有的教师可以帮助学生形成批判性思维；学生的学习能力也是不同的，有的学生具有自主性学习能力。

Intro: Education has always been regarded as an important issue in our society for it attach great significance to the future of not only individuals but a country. Many have threw doubt on our formal education as it tends to restrain our minds and spirits, which is believed should free our minds and spirits. This argument may hold true considering the content we should learn in the class has been determined by the government. However this may not be true from the perspective of teacher and students themselves.

Ts1:Officers in government and authorities from the field of education have determined the contents we  should learn in the class.
Examples: (1)learning contents of math are set different for primary school, middle school.
                (2)Primary students do not learn subjects like physics, chemistry in China.

Ts2: Different teachers have different ways of teaching, and there are some teacher can help their students to think independently and critically.
Examples: Some teachers put open ended question to students.
               
Ts3: Students themselves can free their minds and spirits via autonomous learning and critical thinking.


点评楼层：32
1）提纲的框架是否合理？
对于作者的选取角度有些困惑。第一个是从个人角度出发——一个人认为公正，另一个可能认为不公正；第二个是，如果人们disobey law 会引起混乱，不好定义这是什么角度。或者可以讨论在不同的文化，政治背景等因素的影响下，人们对于法律的公正与否意见不同，因此无法单纯的来判断法律的公正性？
2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
我认为第一个第三个论点下的例子都是合理的，第二个例子中的parade在某些国家好像是合法的
3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
this standard 可以再具体一下，第二个however感觉去掉也可以。

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作者: Margueritexy    时间: 2017-8-20 00:24:35

Issue4老师的范文：
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.（Point）Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example.  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (Information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. (Elaboration)With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaboration)

In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues.（Point）The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.  (Information)The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. (Elaboration) In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (Elaboration)


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform.（Point）For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. (Information) While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (Elaboration) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  (Elaboration)

17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
我用的第三种方法构建框架，对key term进行分类。
我的提纲如下
开头段：
I totally agree with the statement that formal education may limit the mind and spirits instead of setting them free. Nowadays people always receive different education in their different stages such as primary or junior education, higher education and some occupational education. Nevertheless, they all have a fixed pattern for usual people but they are not specific to everyone, which may leading some people to studying in wrong ways, restraining their thoughts.

TS1: When students study in formal primary education, they learn something rigid so that they may waste the golden time of creation and imagination.
e.g. Primary or secondary education involves verbal knowledge and some easy theories of math, although it’s necessary, it is a pattern of single- direction education. Students are only taught by teachers about some knowledge but there are no one to focus on how to perform the students’ ability to create and question.
TS2：When entering universities, people receiving higher education is constraint to interdisciplinary innovation.
e.g. People choose their major courses and focus on their own research, ignoring to explore their potential capability of other aspects.
I major in public health, so when I think about some problems of a disease, I consider more about how to prevent the disease, but as to students study medicine, they tend to find some solutions to cure the disease.
TS3: People working in companies often have occupational education to improve efficiency and quality of their jobs, causing a contrary result.
e.g. People always immersed in their own tasks and working patterns learned from the occupational education have fixed model to solve problems or finish works. After repeating the patterns for a long time, they are trapped in a thinking model and make their minds and spirits restricted.
感想和困惑：我在举例说明的时候，还是分析的过程。是不是举出更具体的例子会好一些？

点评41楼：
1）提纲的框架是否合理？
合理。
2）提纲所用的例子是否合适？
例子合适，第三点没有举例子。。
3）开头段语言方面有哪些问题？
没有。

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作者: 遠子w    时间: 2017-8-20 01:01:11

Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Formal education is presumably regarded as a system that involves standardization in every aspect. As secondary schools and universities require students to prepare for and to take considerable standardized tests for graduation, many people are concerned that formal education constrains students’ minds and ways of thinking, thus damaging their ability to think critically and innovatively in the future. However, I do not think secondary school education and university education restrain students’ ways of thinking and their creativity. Instead, classes in secondary school and universities become increasingly experimental and tolerant nowadays, while in contrast, professional courses in graduate school do limit student’s thinking and freedom. In this essay, I will discuss three stages of formal education: secondary school stage, the university stage, and graduate school stage.

Secondary school education nowadays tends to become experimental, in a way that can release students’ potentials and minds.(point) Instead of focusing on traditional subjects, many secondary schools broaden students’ scope of learning by providing elective courses that such as AP Psychology and AP Art History that enable students to explore more fields and develop their interests in distinctive areas.(information) Moreover, many teachers in secondary school start to incorporate discussions into classrooms so that students have opportunities to exchange ideas with each other and speak up their own opinions. (information) Through exploring different subjects and actively search ing for their interests, they are offered with opportunities to freely think about their future paths. (elaboration) Through discussions in the classrooms, they can develop their diverging thinking ability and consider theories and knowledge in textbooks critically. (elaboration) Even though they indeed need to take substantial standardized exams for different subjects so as to graduate, they still have a lot of time to explore and discuss issues that they find disputative rather than sorely memorizing information, thus setting their minds free. (elaboration)

Likewise, university education offers a place for students to think independently and freely and to gain different perspectives.
-many elective courses with a lot of chances of discussions.
e.g tutorials, require students to discuss and present their opinions
- many activities and field study, combine knowledge with field experiences
  -> gain distinctive insights, think critically toward established theories, and release their innovative ideas  


In contrast with secondary school education and university education, professional education in the graduate schools do limit student’s ability to think according to their wills. (point) In order to be professional, they have to adopt a systematic way of thinking and accumulate sorely relevant knowledge and experiences. (information) For example, accounting master students may need to “think like an accountant” and learn how to understand and extract informative data from various financial statements. (information) Since time is a scarce resource, they have to abandon their interests in other areas and dedicate themselves to reading overwhelming financial statements. (elaboration) They tend to only focus on the financial news while lack insightful opinions and thoughts in other areas such as art, science, and social issues. (elaboration) As a result, their visions become increasingly narrow and their minds restricted. (elaboration) While they indeed become more proficient in one field, they gradually forgo their ability to think diversively and freely. (elaboration)

點評46樓
1） 框架沒問題 不過第二點的 be constraint to 是不是用錯了？僅限於interdiscipline？應該反過來？
2）邏輯沒問題。寫全一點更好？寫成pie格式。
3）ok。

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作者: RazorLX    时间: 2017-8-20 04:53:23

21. Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

There are two reasons why laws enacted by legislatures should not be flexible. (Topic sentence stating the main Point) To begin with, the time and efforts of the Congressmen at federal and state levels are limited. (First context. Provide the relevant fact or Information) They can only hold meetings for a certain amount of time each year and there are many items in their legislative agendas. (offer examples to further explain the fact. More Information) In addition, they often represent different interest groups and it takes them a long time to reach any consensus on any issues. (More Information) If they have to take into account specific circumstances or times or places when debating a statute, they will never be able to finish their jobs on time. (Connection between point and information. Elaboration) The second reason has to do with the function of laws as the general guide for human behaviors. (Another context) Laws have to be understood by the general public if they are to be used to regulate people’s behaviors. (Provide the relevant fact or Information)  Given the limited cognitive abilities of the public, the laws have to be clear and concise. (offer examples to further explain the fact. More Information.) If the laws change according to different situations, the public would find it difficult to use the laws to make decisions about their behaviors. (Connection between point and information. Elaboration) 

On the other hand, the case laws created by the judges should take into account the details of the cases. (Second Point) Consider the famous case of Riggs v. Palmer during which a grandson murdered his rich grandfather, but according to the law and the will of his grandfather, was entitled to inherit a large sum of money. (offer example to provide Information) Despite the law and the will, the judge invalidated Palmer’s claim to his grandfather’s estate because, in the case, the defendant should not benefit from his murderous act. (Information) While there was no statutory law authorizing the court to punish the defendant further by depriving his rights to the estate, the specific circumstance of the case warrants such a decision. (Connection between point and information. Elaboration)

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作者: 前意识的斑点    时间: 2017-8-20 09:46:57

beener322 发表于 2017-8-19 23:58
Issue 4)  Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker o ...

自己写的ISSUE 4)的中间段：
Obviously, scandals that cause great damage to the public benefits will aggravate anger and censure of the public, and focus people’s attention immediately on the relative problems. (Topic sentence: stating the main POINT) Take the oil leak in the gulf of Mexico for example. (Provide relevant fact or information) As soon as this disaster was reported by mass media, almost all the people of America and other affected countries fixed their eye on the progress of preventing further oil leak and how to diminish the damage. Consequently, civilians poured their anger to the responsible corporation, i.e., the oil giant BP and violently criticized the government for their low efficiency of disposing this risk. (Detail public attention on this risk-INFORMATION) All people care about events that are relevant to their lives most, thus ,the reporting of scandals that damage health or environment focus their eyes on how these happen and who to blame . With the help of mass media, citizens can deliver their great anger to the government and urgent the authority take proper measures and make necessary progress to present this kind of thing happen again in the future, which sometimes even determined reformers cannot reach.(Explain how scandal focus our attention-ELABORATION)
我看了感觉写的挺好哒，不过the reporting of scandals that damage health or environment focus their eyes on how these happen and who to blame 这一句我看的不大明白~~

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作者: 很_简单    时间: 2017-8-20 11:31:09


17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

68. When we talk about education, some people may criticize the formal education constain students sprite and mind. And other people may say that on the contrary, the education's purpose is releasing children and students's mind and making them creat more  possibility. In my opinion, we should consider the debate in different perspectivities. In the mordern society, new idea of education is provide students a chance to creat, which means that students should not be restrained in the existed world. But in ancient, the only meaning of education is restrain people's sprite in order to help government maintain their management.

Firstly, in the comtemporary society, students are allowed to question existed rules and rationale because science has developed in response to the question and answer.
e.g. students were encouraged to rise questions when a professor deliverd a academic speech.

Secondly, artists also need to free their mind to creat more attractive and valuable art works.
e.g. Picasso, a modernism and cubism artist. The young ladies of Avignon, one of the most work of his, break the break the tradition of geometrical perspective and color adaption.

Thirdly, in the ancient, due to some religion reasons and unenlightened knowledge of science and nature, general people always be limited by so called education.
e.g. people always be educatied to followed the government of their emperor and did  not allowed to question emperor's idea and power. The earth is round.


PIE模型分析
Secondly, as human beings gain more and more knowledge, people could create a lot of things that do not exist in the world. During the process that people create more things that no-exist in the world, these things also have a profound influence of which existed in the world before. Thus, the interactions also make the world become harder to comprehend(point). For example, after human started the Second Industrial Revolution, the world become more and more worm due to the use of petroleum and emission of carbon dioxide. But up to now, no one can clearly point out the mechanism that how human activities can influence the global climate(information). Thus, we can say that social development help things become more obscure (elaboration? Not so clearly). There is another example can also demonstrate it. In prehistoric age, only several simplest alloys can be used into construction, such as steel, bronze and copper. However, in the modern society, billion kinds of alloys are created. Some of them can comprise dozens even hundreds of elements(information). [lack of elaboration]

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作者: Ibelieving    时间: 2017-8-20 12:58:58

21 Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  
法律的话题太生涩了，因此参考了王老师的范文
Intro:
Before talking about whether should laws be flexible, it is necessary to define the “law”.Different people have various explanation for “law”. As far as I’m concerned, the laws refer to regulations enacted by legislatures at different levels. Judgments in the courts can become part of the laws as well as enforcement activities. While laws enacted by legislation should not be too flexible, judges and enforcement agents need to take different situations,times, and places into account.

Point1:There should be no room left for negotiation for laws enacted by legislatures.
Information1:laws are exact and clear.
Elaboration1:a flexible law contribute to confusion
Information2:the legislatures’ work time is limited,
Elaborantion2: too much things to consider make them impossible to finish the work.

Point2:Judges need to be flexible faced with different circumstances, times,and places.
憋不出来实在...打算直接用老师的例子以及学习老师的语言

Point3:In the process of the enforcement of laws, different circumstance, times and places should be considered.
Exp:speeding in exigent situations,such as taking pregnant woman to the hospital.

中间段：
There should be no room left for negotiation for laws enacted by legislatures.(point)To begin with,the staff in the legislatures and their working time are limited, and because of laws representing different interest groups,so that it is hard to reach consensus on any issues. (information1)If they take various circumstances, times and places into account when formulate the laws, there will be countless work for them to deal with. (elaboration）The second reason has to do with the function of law as a regulation for human behaviors. （information2）In this sense, laws ought to be intelligible for general public.（information2） Given the limited cognitive ability of the public, the laws have to be clear and exact. （information2）If the laws change under different situations, people would feel confused when using the laws to adjust their behaviors.(elaboration）

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作者: gre满分周    时间: 2017-8-20 13:14:37

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. [point]Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. [information]With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. [information]They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. [elaboration]But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. [elaboration]With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics.[information]

In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. [point]The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico. [information]During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill. [information] The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. [information]As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. [elaboration]In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations.[elaboration]

Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform. [point]For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities.[information]  While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. [information]To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. [elaboration]We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  [elaboration]

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作者: youzi42    时间: 2017-8-20 15:19:57



Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

With the development of modern mass media, scandals are almost ubiquitous.  Hardly can a day go by without some news reporting scandals involving high-profiles politicians, athletes or movie stars.  While it is true that scandals often attract public attention and may expose certain problems, I do not believe that they are useful in solving social problems as they often focus public attention on the wrong issues and can hardly maintain public attention for a sufficiently long time. After elaborating these two points, I will also address the argument that scandals can usefully create pressure for the government to introduce reforms.  


To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.（point） Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. (information) With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention.(information) But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky.(information) They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex. (information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people.(elaboration) With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (elaboration)


In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues. (point) The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico.(information) During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill.(information)   The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary. (information) As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals. (elaboration) In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations. (elaboration)


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform.(point) For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities. (information) While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure. (elaboration) To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated.(elaboration) We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society.  (elaboration)


In conclusion, while I acknowledge that certain scandals may eventually lead to some progress in our society, most scandals are not very useful in reforming the society as the public often focus their attention on the wrong issues and the powerful corporations can easily divert public attention through their public relations campaigns.  To achieve real progress in social development, we need better education to increase people’s awareness of their rights and their sense of justice.


17)Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种  从三个角度看待这个命题 the side effect of the exam ; the teaching methods ; the benefits of the orientation by the formal education

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
  As far as the statement concerned, the education we received has the tendency to circumscribe our minds and spirits, instead of set them free. To some extend, we can't deny the fact that the formal education, aims at free the student from ignorance, has counterproductive effects on students.It restrict the students' mind and spirits in its teaching methods and the evaluation of student's performance by the exams. Meanwhile, on the contrary, the formal education indeed benefits the students by orienting the students in the developing of their brain, set the students free in some degree.

主题句1
具体例子或细节
The teaching methods, which more or less serves as a way in repeating the truth and the rationality,
Example : history class
Reason : The teacher just teaches the facts , less inspire the students to seek the causes and effects behind,or to raise questions in class, blocks the students' ability to thinking independ and innovative.
中间段：
The teaching methods, which more or less serves as a way in repeating the truth and the rationality, seldom enlighten the students to explore on their own. (point)For example, in the history class, what the teachers convey are the facts happened in the past, rarely do they inspire the students to seek the causes and effects behind or to raise questions in class. (information) It has the tendency that our pupils are more imaginary and eager to quest their teachers than the college students. (information) The outmoded reaching methods block the students' ability to thinking independ and innovative. (elaboration) From this point, we can come to an inclusion that the the formal education has the conterproductive effects, no wonder that now more and more parents favor teaching at home. (elaboration)

主题句2
具体例子或细节
When it comes to what scares the students most, it must be the exams, whether excercises or final exams, more or less harms the student's mental health and leads to less eager to learn. As the evaluation of student's performance, the exams really helps the students to seek the improvements of their study and a feedback to the teachers thus they can teach better. However, with the increasing severe competition, the exams are much hard and frequent.
Example : more exams ; the parents focus more on the scores than what's their child learned
Reason : The more exams the students take, the more tensions they have to take on, which causes them less confident and more anxiety.
中间段：
When it comes to what scares the students most, it must be the exams, whether excercises or final exams, more or less harms the student's mental health and leads to less eager to learn.(point) As the evaluation of student's performance, the exams really helps the students to seek the improvements of their study and a feedback to the teachers thus they can teach better.(information) However, with the increasing severe competition, the exams are much hard and frequent. (information) What's more, parents seem to in favor of this phenomenon, since they values the scores more instead of what their child really learned. (information) The more exams the students take, the more tensions they have to take on, which causes them less confident and more anxiety. (elaboration) Moreover, given the fact that reason for the students to go school is to acquire knowledge, the evaluation of the formal education in turn decreases the student's ethusiasm for the knowledge.(elaboration)
主题句3
具体例子或细节
Even though the formal education nowadays have such drawbacks, to some degree, the formal education indeed benefits the students by orienting the students in the developing of their brain, set the students free.
Example : the science curriculam
Reason : gives the students the bacis ways in soving problems so they can use it to handle more complicated problems, makes their mind more sound and acquire more confidence and pleasures.
中间段：
Even though the formal education nowadays have such drawbacks, to some degree, the formal education indeed benefits the students by orienting the students in the developing of their brain, set the students free.(point) In the science class, the teacher gives the students the bacis knowledges and formulas in soving problems so they can use it to handle more complicated problems, makes their mind more sound and acquires more confidence and pleasures. (information+elaboration) The formal education serves as an instrument in the transforming the knowledge to the ability to solving real problems. (elaboration) No matter how much the exams and how outmoded the mothords are, the science class really do good to the student's mental health and intelligence. (elaboration)

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
还差个结尾留着下次修改了再写。PIE模型确实比较容易上手。这次写的提纲是正正反的结构，最后一个反的论点以及和前面段落的衔接感觉写的不是很顺，还有写中间段的时候明显觉得思维不够清晰，可能是论点间区分度不够。

几次写作训练的总结：
算是真正意义上的入门了，但是遣词造句方面还是有些问题，希望老师以后的课程里可以讲一下比如如何做到句子错落有致，如果让段落间衔接更紧密~ 还有argument 的assumption 和evidence其实还不是很清楚，可能还需要再看一次视频。

我写的全文 （建议在修改提纲后再写）



我来点评其他网友
楼层：

1）____网友提纲的框架是否合理？


2）____网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？


3）____网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  

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作者: woaka    时间: 2017-8-20 17:42:44

Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种: through classification of key terms in the issue statement，将problem分类举例（酒驾，同性恋，车辆排污），同时也将law进行分类（是否与时俱进），对Claim以及Reason提出反对。

开头段全文：
The construction of laws and legal system is one of the key factors to promote the progress of modern society and maintain social stability. But could all modern society problems be solved by laws and the legal system? The speaker claims that many of them cannot be solved, for the reason that laws cannot change what is in people’s hearts or minds. I concede that there are still many problems cannot be solved by current laws, however, laws and the legal system which always improve along with the progress of society are not immutable. Besides, his reason is untenable because laws form people’s minds in a long run.

TS1
It is undeniable that laws can regulate people's behavior, associated with the impaction on people’s thoughts. [point] Take the traffic law of China for example. It is reported that the new law which increased penalties for drunken driving has significantly reduced the occurrence of drunk driving and accident because of drunk driving. Although drinking is an important way for Chinese people to socialize, many interviewees said they and their friends would not drink at a banquet, if they had to drive after the meal. Moreover, they said they are aware of the importance of safety and no longer believe that drinking is essential for social after the enactment of the new law and its strict implementation. [info] Indeed, the social problem of drunk driving has been improved by the perfection of law, and people’s mind towards drinking is altered. [elaboration]

TS2
The change in the view of homosexuality is another way in which the law can solve social problem and affect people’s minds.
e.g.

TS3
Nonetheless, there are still many problems haven’t been solved, modifying the existing law may be a valid solution.
E.g.
1)        The case described above does help to solve some social problems.
2)        Many social groups are calling for more justice laws to ease social contradictions.
3)        For modern society, it is important and necessary to deal with the rapid development of science and technology and society.

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作者: 心玉夕颜    时间: 2017-8-20 21:25:10

Issue 4

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  


开头段

Since modern media has developmed and prevailed all over the world, news especially scandals is commonplace in our daily life. It is not surpised to know different kinds of scandals every day from celebrities and governments involving politics, finance, private life and so on. Undeniably, scandals can attract public attention and create great sensations and somemtimes even can force the society to make a change and become better. However, scandals have negative impacts  usually cannot avoid, on society as well. However, scandals' advantages outweigh disadvantages which I will elaborate in following discussions.


TS1: Scandals can restrain behaviors of celebrities, politicians and governments.
Information: scandals can damage their reputation
Elaboration: reputation is the most important factor for celebrities

TS2: Scandals can galvanize the public to supervise government the government to improve their policies and celebrities to behave properly.
Information: The WaterGate Scandal
Elaboration: The public know to supervise politicians so that they must not wield power above the law.

TS3: Scanda
ls inevitably have negative influence on society.
Information: During U.S. presidential election, many candidates' old scandals will be exposed by their opponents in order to ruin their reputation and approval ratings.
Elaboration: Hillary Clinton email controversy completely devastate her second presidantial election.

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作者: Herio_HKeKe    时间: 2017-8-21 02:45:45



23)Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第 3 种:  对restrictions 进行分类：研究对象的限制，研究资金的限制，研究场地的限制

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
In many cases, programs would perform more smoothly with proper disciplines that can readjust them to keep correct orientation timely. Even if sometimes those restrictions go too deep and far to obtain positive and everlasting consequences of programs in long term, still, appropriate stresses are beneficial with project promotions in gross. Which means, with responsibilities of governments to regulate and promote science, restrictions are requisites.

主题句1
The most vital aspect of scientific research and development is what the research concentrates on, of which has to be taken control, as its safety is guarantee of citizens’.
-human cloning involves issues of transgressing morals and cannot be embraced by most populace.
-it is supposed to prevent studies on nuclear technology from fabricating nuclear weapons.
-innovative medicine research and exploiting has potential detriments from drug development, which may endanger people health.

主题句2
Financial constraints on research can stymie program sprawling effectively.
-Financial support provides a solid foundation for running a scientific research. Which means without governments’ apt supervision on science fund, it is facile for intrigues to use them improperly, even illegally.
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主题句3
写不下去了....

body 1 :
The most vital aspect of scientific research and development is what the research concentrates on, of which needs to be taken control, as its safety is guarantee of citizens’. (point) Cloning human involves issues of transgressing morals and cannot be embraced by most populace. (information) Considering people’s mental health and emotional fluctuation, latent reason for ethical panic, government need interdicts on human cloning to take precaution first. (elaboration) And,  innovative medicine research and exploiting has potential detriments from drug development, which may endanger people health.(information) That’s why the restriction of objects is required for medicine research.(elaboration) What’s more, it is supposed to prevent studies on nuclear technology from fabricating nuclear weapons for further malevolent military competitions. (information & elaboration)

Another reason why the government should not restrict scientific research is that research projects nowadays often have to go through lengthy processes of funding applications during which experts will evaluate the potential benefits and harms of the research.(point)  If a research project carries certain risk or threat to public safety or national security, it is very unlikely that such projects would receive financial support from the funding agencies.  (information)In other words, we should trust the scientific community itself to make sound decisions on whether or not a particular project should be supported or not.  (information)Through the competitive processes for funding, projects that are potentially harmful will be stopped.  (elaboration)

自己的问题：
1.        以现在的结构感觉很容易不切题，所以主题句琢磨了很久。
2.        感觉写body的时候还是会弄混info和elaboration，所以也不知道自己写出来的PIE结构对不对….

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作者: sofresh666888    时间: 2017-8-21 17:44:21     标题: 补上一次的作文



Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

There are two reasons why laws enacted by legislatures should not be flexible.  To begin with, the time and efforts of the Congressmen at federal and state levels are limited. (Point)  They can only hold meetings for a certain amount of time each year and there are many items in their legislative agendas. (Information) In addition, they often represent different interest groups and it takes them a long time to reach any consensus on any issues. (Information)  If they have to take into account specific circumstances or times or places when debating a statute, they will never be able to finish their jobs on time. (Elaboration) The second reason has to do with the function of laws as the general guide for human behaviors. (Point) Laws have to be understood by the general public if they are to be used to regulate people’s behaviors. (Information) Given the limited cognitive abilities of the public, the laws have to be clear and concise. (Information) If the laws change according to different situations, the public would find it difficult to use the laws to make decisions about their behaviors. (Elaboration)  

On the other hand, the case laws created by the judges should take into account the details of the cases. (Point) Consider the famous case of Riggs v. Palmer during which a grandson murdered his rich grandfather, but according to the law and the will of his grandfather, was entitled to inherit a large sum of money. (Information) Despite the law and the will, the judge invalidated Palmer’s claim to his grandfather’s estate because, in the case, the defendant should not benefit from his murderous act. (Information) While there was no statutory law authorizing the court to punish the defendant further by depriving his rights to the estate, the specific circumstance of the case warrants such a decision. (Elaboration)

Finally, the enforcement of laws, which is also an important aspect of laws, should be flexible as the law enforcement agents should always take into account the specific circumstances, times and places. (Point) Consider the laws about speeding. Usually when a driver exceeds the speed limit, by the traffic laws, s/he will receive punishment in the form of a speeding ticket. (Information) But one can and should get away from this law if it is under emergency situation. (Information)  Maybe the driver was sending a pregnant woman to a hospital for delivering a baby. (Information)  In cases like this, with a letter from the hospital, the driver should get his/her speeding tickets cancelled. (Information)  As illustrated in this example, the enforcement of law should be flexible by considering the specific situations that may warrant a different treatment. (Elaboration)

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作者: 国产耗子    时间: 2017-8-21 21:36:23

ISSUE 4  Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

TS1
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue.(POINT) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example(INFO).  With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention(INFO). But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky(INFO). They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex(INFO). But 这里用but感觉转折的很突兀 the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people(ELABORATION). With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. （elaroration）

TS 2
In addition, when a scandal is involved in powerful corporation, a professional public relations team will very quickly take actions to address the crisis and divert the public attention from the right issues（point又很像info）. The oil giant BP, for example, was responsible for the oil rig explosion in 2013 and subsequent oil spill in the gulf of Mexico（info）. During the scandal of this ecological disaster, BP hired a sophisticated PR team to launch a massive campaign to paint themselves as victims of tort law suits and shift media attention from the aftermath of the oil spill（info）.  The large corporations like BP has the large amount of financial resources at their disposal to manipulate the media and the public opinions when necessary（INFO）. As the public is often forgetful while overwhelmed by the news and scandals, it is fairly easy for them to get away from such scandals(ELABORATION).  In other words, one cannot really rely on scandals to solve problems involving big corporations(POINT).


Some people may argue that scandals are still useful in creating pressure to push the government to reform(POINT). For example, after the scandal of Sun Zhigang, a Chinese university graduate who was tortured and killed in Guangzhou Center for the Homeless, Chinese government has abolished the institution of arresting the homeless in the large cities(INFO).  While this case leads to some desirable outcome, it is doubtful that we should count on scandals like this to reform a nation’s legal and social infrastructure(ELABORATION). To fix the numerous problems in a modern society, the best solution is to educate the people about their rights so people can speak up against injustice when their rights are violated. (ELABORATION)We cannot just overlook the injustice in our daily life and wait for scandals to fix the problems in our society(ELABORATION).  

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作者: ning97    时间: 2017-8-22 00:02:13



Thesis：         Everyone should obey the just laws, and also should obey the so-called unjust laws unless there are experts proof the unjusty and change it throught legislation.

Intro:
Laws is the basement of society satety and the code of social conduct. Even though people work hard on the legislation, there still may be defective that seems unjust. In my opinion, whether the law is just or unjust, as long as it still in the laws and regulations, we should obey it to maintain the social order. As to the concern over the harm of unjust laws, people should try to reform them within the legal framework.  (老师的原句)

TP1：We should obey the just law to maintain social safety.
              EP: steal\murder\fire-raiser
TP2: When it comes to the controversial laws, we still should obey it.
            1) As ordinary people, we may not have accurate standards of the unjust laws. If everyone believes one of the laws is unjust and then he could break it, the society will become anarchy soon.
           2)The bondary between the just and unjust laws is ambivalent, it need professional experts to assert it.
TP3: Obeying the controversial laws doesn't mean that we couldn't fight for ourselves.
            1)It is possible for the laws to be unperfect, we even have the constitutional amendaments.
            2) We could reflect the problems through the media and seek help from the experts who are qualified to raise the amends under the legislation.



PIE分析：范文
Let’s first consider why everyone should be responsible for obeying just laws. (Point) Take the simple examples of the traffic law about driving under the influence of alcohol. (Provide examples--information) In most countries, it is illegal to drive if one is drunk.  Few people would challenge the justice behind this law. (Elaborate the fact about drunk drive) When a driver is drunk, s/he would not be able to operate an vehicle safely and driving would threaten the safety of the driver, the passengers and others sharing the road. (Elaborate the reason: drunk drive is dangerous) To protect the interests of everyone involved, the laws prohibit such behaviors and punish those breaking the laws.  For just laws like this, everyone should obey them and there is no doubt about it.  （Elaborate the point）

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作者: LynnHan    时间: 2017-8-22 12:36:51

The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.
Well-being 幸福，福利

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Whether the statement holds true or not depends on which groups of people in the society are challenging the authority and in what ways. For groups of people such as secondary school students and employees in factories and companies, challenging the school teachers and the supervisors will disrupt the normal operations of schools and firms that would harm the well-beings of the society. On the other hand, scientists should be encouraged to question the authority through which new theories can be developed and new technologies can be advanced to improve the productivity of the society.   


Adolescents studying in secondary schools should not be allowed to challenge their teachers and parents to ensure their own well-being and the stability of the society.（point）  As we all know, adolescents are very likely to have conflicts with their parents and teachers as they struggle to become more independent and get more freedom.  （information）They are interested in experimenting with new things such as sex and drugs without proper understanding of the consequences of such experimentation.  （further information：provides facts）The supervision and constraints from teachers and parents are often necessary for their own well-beings. （information concerning keyword：well-being ） Without respecting the authority of parents in regulating young people’s sexual behaviours, for example, the teenage girls may get pregnant by accident, which can lead to serious personal and social problems. （information） In terms of academic studies, students at this stage do not have the abilities to challenge the authority of the teachers who often present the relatively well-established facts and theories based on the textbooks. （information） Challenging teachers’ authority in academic matters will only harm the productivity of the teachers and students.  （elaboration）

Employees in manufacturing and service sectors need to follow a set of rules if the society is to prosper economically.  （point）Modern corporations and factories rely on the cooperation of a large team of employees to create economic value efficiently.（generic information）  Workers on the assembly lines, for example, have to follow the instructions of their supervisors to ensure the smooth manufacturing processes. （information，facts） The supervisors’ authority has to be respected when the workers are told to correct some mistakes they make.  In addition, the effective governance of corporations rely on the swift execution of instructions made by the managers to their subordinates.  The authority of the managers has to be maintained to ensure that the organisation would perform according to the policies made by the top management. （information） Otherwise, the productivity and profitability of the corporations will suffer.  （elaborate：indirectly manifest how this fact impact the overall well-being）

Scientists, on the other hand, can benefit the research community and the society as a whole by questioning the leading experts and their theories in the fields.  (piont)One of the key features of science that distinguishes itself from pseudoscience is that the scientists and researchers are always open to the possibility that the existing theories and explanations could be wrong.  (generic information)Through publishing peer-reviewed scientific papers, the researchers need to present their findings to the scientific community and be prepared to answer any challenges that may arise from their peers.  （elaborate）Other members of the research community may try to replicate the studies and challenge the authority of the authors if they come up with some inconsistent results.  (information)The whole process of challenging the authority of one another ensures the rigor of science and the validity of knowledge construction, which are essential for the overall well-being of the modern society.  （elaborate）

In conclusion, the well-being of the society is closely related to the success of different sectors such as education, business and research.  As I clearly illustrate with the examples above, challenging the authority in the fields of secondary education and business may harm the effective operation of the schools and businesses, thereby damaging the well-being of the society.  Nevertheless, it is necessary for the members of the research community to challenge the authority to advance the development of the fields. 

总结（不知道理解的对不对）：point—generic imformation in supporting your point—detailed information—find the link between information and your point（elaborate）—another circle（parallel）—conclusion

分析我自己的作文：
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Having the aspiration to cultivate talents with comprehensive knowledge and competence,some universities implement rules that every students are required to take so-called optional courses.It is undeniable that a wide scope of knowledge and skills contribute to individuals’ academic performances in their own field of research or future possibilities.Consequently,I agree with this claim to some extent,but what matter most is whether the rules applied properly and timely in specific scenarios.

I have to admit,on the on hand,that wide range of courses means more than just abundant knowledge that students can acquire from universities’ teachers and experts.（point）For instance,like I’m studying computer science,taking classes taught by a professor from art department might provides me a chance to view technology in quiet a dissimilar way.（information）Technology means not just 0 or 1 in digital world,by using natural programing language,such as Python and Processing,human beings are able to create intricate pictures with the law of mathematical formula.（Elaborate）
Missing:elaborate the main point in the context of-providing more options for further academic searching

However,on the other hand,taking extra courses towards other fields is favorable to some of universities students,but not all.（point）wide range of classes show merits with regard to students studying interdiscipline.By taking diversity courses and absorbing abundant knowledge from relative fields,students tend to  view things from several perspectives rather than a limited one.（elaborate）In addition,more opportunities are provided for their future careers if they strive to experience as much as possible to pick a field in which they are passionate.（information）But when issues come to students who major in science related discipline or math deem to be extremely devoted to their own fields of study and research,it would be aimless and futility for them to pick up various kinds of courses,such as art history,music instruments or P.E.（information）Though these subjects might keep them staying healthy both mentally and physically,obligatory courses can distract them for consuming their time and energy to prepare for exams.（elaborate）
Missing:the link between this paragraph and the keywords
The existing disparity of different subjects results that this proposal can not be beneficial to every students.

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作者: 天行九歌    时间: 2017-8-22 23:42:53

68) Some people believe that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. Others believe that formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

Education is a very important part in a whole nation’s development,and many people claim that the standard education has been on the way that distant from its original purpose,which is to free the mind of people and spirit.In order to have a deep insight into the topic about whether the education could achieve its goals or not,I believe it’s necessary to consider the different group of people,since people’s talents vary from person to person,and it’s natural that education will influent them in different ways.
First of all,for those people who has excellent skills in science field,such as mathamatics and physics,standard education will lay a solid foundation for their knowledge restoration and definitely benefit their future development,thus they could free their mind to use their discovery to change the world.Since in science field,to make a progress or discovor the innovated findings usually calls for the deep and wide knowledge the person could command,so to free their mind,the education is the best way for them to get access to the knowledges.For example,Ramanujon,a famous Indian mathematician,make several progress in math history during the time that he study in the Oxford university.However,before that he could not go to any formal institute to do more research,and only learn math in a relatively slow pace.If  it’s not for an opportunity to go to university,he may never get the chance to free his mind in the searching for the real science.Thus we could see how important standard education mean to these people.
However,when it comes to those people who are skillful at engineering,such as computer engineering or mechanical engineering,practice in their fields will be equally important in their cultivation of talents,education still play some part in this situation.Just look at the engineer students in the universities,they need to take a variety of courses for their knowledge base,but at the same time they are always required to finsh some projects that needs the synthesized knowleges they learned from the formal class.And these are always more important for their future than the formal class education.For ME students they may need to make some machines to actualize some funtions so that they could be used for constructiongs of buildings and so on,CE students they may need to program softwares which may be used in the companies and institutes.This actual skill is actually the engineering students’ way to free their mind so that they could make contribution to the society,otherwise their knowledge from the class will never be useful at all.
In addition,to those people who are born to readily socialize with people,and have the desire to improve themselves in fields such as business,accounting,standard education seems to be only application in their development,only by practicing a lot could they expand their horizon,and most importantly, free their mind rather than stay in the class ,so that they won’t strifle their actual skills developing.For example,Bill Gates,a famous name in America that encourage many people to do pioneering jobs,dropped out from the university to plan for his Microsoft Empire and finally made it.The reason that he could make such a huge success is that he discovor that the university could not teach him anything practical in his future,which means he could not be freed from the stereotyped class and get exercised in the business field,so his choice goes.Thus,in this situation,education may strifle these people’s talents.
In conclusion,I believe for different people,the situation will also be different since their talents will lead them to different ways,and as I mentioned,different field will get distinct level of benefits from the education.Because the education could only provide the spirit inspire in the most elementary aspects.

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作者: John-science    时间: 2017-8-26 10:49:04

Paragraph from Dr. Wang
To begin with, the attention from the public after a scandal does not necessarily focus on the right issue. (Topic sentence) Take the Clinton scandal and impeachment for example. With the release of Starr report, the Clinton scandal has attracted the national and even international media attention. But the majority of American people seem to find it more interesting to talk about whether or not President Clinton had sex with Monica Lewinsky. They would even get into the debate over whether oral sex would count as sex.(Information) But the real issue that should capture public attention is whether or not the President had lied and still deserved the trust of American people. With the media always interested in reporting sensational news, the Clinton scandal failed to focus public attention on the right issue and therefore was not very useful for the development of American politics. (Elaboration)

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