寄托家园留学论坛

标题: issue136 同主题有拍必回！ [打印本页]

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-23 17:24:12 标题: issue136 同主题有拍必回！

Issue136."The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

提纲:
1. 外在条件确实影响着人们的选择, 性别，种族，社会条件，家庭压力……
2. 但是，即使没有其他的选择，人们仍可以选择自己的态度。

开头是不是费话太多了。。。

Now I am sitting in this room and typing my writing with a computer: I am having my Graduate Record Examination. Did I have a choice for that? Yes, I chose to go to graduate school and I chose the date of the test, I chose to come to this place this morning and I just chose to deal with this issue other than the other one a minute ago. But given that my decision to go to graduate school, do I have a choice to take GRE or not? It seems not, for most graduate schools I want to go require GRE score. Do I have a choice to use my own laptop rather than this computer during the test? No, that is not allowed. Together with these cases are tons of other situations that people complain about their “having no choice”. I will argue, however, although it seems that in many circumstances we do not have a choice, we do always have one, for we can always choose our attitude toward those situations.

True, many external factors influence our choice: we are not masters of the world. For most of us, we cannot choose our color or gender, the times we live in, the habits we learned since we were very young, mother language we speak, rules and morals that we have to obey, and other social customs that we have to follow. In a word, just as Rousseau put, “human beings are everywhere in shackles.” In many situations though it seems that one does have choices, yet those choices are too strict that they are not possible choices for one at all. Could one not answer the call of his or her country to fight against invaders when a war breaks out? Could one easily quit her job simply because she does not like it when she has a family to raise? Those external situations, wars, family pressure, have already eliminated other “choices” before one gives answer.

Although external forces limit our choice, it does not necessarily follow that in those situations we have no choice at all, for we can always make our internal choices, that is, choose our attitude towards external facts that we cannot change. Jean-Paul Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to be free.” Whatever external situations are, human beings always have free will to make their internal decisions, and in this way they can always be free in another area.

Consider an extreme example, the metaphor of Sisyphus given by another famous existentialist, Albert Camus. Sisyphus was punished by Zeus and had to push a monolith to the top of a mountain every day; whenever he succeeded, however, the monolith would fall to the foot and he had to repeat the same work day by day. Did this poor man, Sisyphus, have a choice? It seems not. No one would like to choose to do such a ridiculous and meaningless job and it was forced by Zeus that Sisyphus had to do so. Nevertheless, Camus argues that Sisyphus did have a choice: his attitude and mood toward this job. Sisyphus never despaired of his fate; on the contrary, he regarded his everyday job as a fight for life, from this continuous struggle he granted meaning to this otherwise meaningless job. Although his choice of mood cannot change the fact that he had to repeat the same work, its significance nevertheless changed and Camus argues, Sisyphus was a happy man in doing this job.

We are probably much luckier than Sisyphus, for most situations we meet are not worse than his. This extreme example can give us an inspiration: even if in some circumstance external forces undermine our choices--and we are not able to change those external factors--we may nevertheless have internal freedom and make our inner choices. When wars break one’s peaceful life and force one to go to battlefield, one can nevertheless decide to bear a positive mind toward the situation. When one has to keep a job in spite of preferring more free time, one can try to change mood and be less negative toward the job. In all those situations, it is hardly to say one has no choice at all.

In a word, although external factors may limit our choices, we may always grasp internal freedom in our hand. External obstacles should not be our excuse of complaints, for all things considered, the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.

751 words

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-24 22:29:24

up

作者: amostime 时间: 2005-7-24 22:36:21

Now I am sitting in this room and typing my writing with a computer: I am having my Graduate Record Examination. Did I have a choice for that? Yes, I chose to go to graduate school and I chose the date of the test, I chose to come to this place this morning and I just chose to deal with this issue other than the other one a minute ago. But given that my decision to go to graduate school, do I have a choice to take GRE or not? It seems not, for most graduate schools I want to go require GRE score. Do I have a choice to use my own laptop rather than this computer during the test? No, that is not allowed. Together with these cases are tons of other situations that people complain about their “having no choice”. I will argue, however, although it seems that in many circumstances we do not have a choice, we do always have one, for we can always choose our attitude toward those situations. (开头确实非常新颖，吸引眼球。但是个人觉得作为引出略显冗赘，而引出“together with these cases“的时候觉得不太自然。如果可以精炼语言，改进过渡，实为难得妙笔)

True, many external factors influence our choice: we are not masters of the world. For most of us, we cannot choose our color or gender, the times we live in, the habits we learned since we were very young, mother language we speak, rules and morals(rules and regulations,固定搭配) that we have to obey, and other social customs that we have to follow. In a word, just as Rousseau put, “human beings are everywhere in shackles.” In many situations though it seems that one does have choices, yet those choices are too strict that they are not possible choices for one at all. Could one not answer the call of his or her country to fight against invaders when a war breaks out? Could one easily quit her job simply because she does not like it when she has a family to raise? Those external situations, wars, family pressure, have already eliminated other “choices” before one gives answer.

Although external forces limit our choice, it does not necessarily follow that in those situations we have no choice at all, for we can always make our internal choices, that is, choose our attitude towards external facts that we cannot change. Jean-Paul Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to be free.” Whatever external situations are, human beings always have free will to make their internal decisions, and in this way they can always be free in another area.

Consider an extreme example, the metaphor of Sisyphus given by another famous existentialist, Albert Camus. Sisyphus was punished by Zeus and had to push a monolith to the top of a mountain every day; whenever he succeeded, however, the monolith would fall to the foot and he had to repeat the same work day by day. Did this poor man, Sisyphus, have a choice? It seems not. No one would like to choose to do such a ridiculous and meaningless job and it was forced by Zeus that Sisyphus had to do so. Nevertheless, Camus argues that Sisyphus did have a choice: his attitude and mood toward this job. Sisyphus never despaired of his fate; on the contrary, he regarded his everyday job as a fight for life, from this continuous struggle he granted meaning to this otherwise meaningless job. Although his choice of mood cannot change the fact that he had to repeat the same work, its significance nevertheless changed and Camus argues, Sisyphus was a happy man in doing this job.(从Attitude的角度看选择蛮新颖的。这个例子也很有针对性。但是好像过于详细，这样一方面造成文章长度过长，在临场考试，也可能没有足够时间完成。不过若是你对这个例子烂熟于心，下笔也很顺的话，未尝不可。个人认为可以把本段与下段合并成一段)

We are probably much luckier than Sisyphus, for most situations we meet are not worse than his. This extreme example can give us an inspiration(some inpiration): even if in some circumstance external forces undermine our choices--and we are not able to change those external factors--we may nevertheless have internal freedom and make our inner choices. When wars break one’s peaceful life and force one to go to battlefield, one can nevertheless decide to bear a positive mind toward the situation. When one has to keep a job in spite of preferring more free time, one can try to change mood and be less negative toward the job. In all those situations, it is hardly to say one has no choice at all.

In a word, although external factors may limit our choices, we may always grasp internal freedom in our hand. External obstacles should not be our excuse of complaints, for all things considered, the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.
(读完全文的感觉，就是你的语言表达能力和构思都很精巧。让步再提出自己观点的结构让文章的脉络也很清晰。只是感到字数偏多，在考场上可能无法按时完成)

;)我的陋作，等待指教！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ Last edited by amostime on 2005-7-24 at 22:45 ]

作者: kenwu 时间: 2005-7-24 22:42:48

我觉得这篇文章很新颖，真不错。

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-24 23:05:46

多谢！这就去拍你的。kenwu有新作么？

作者: OceanD 时间: 2005-7-25 14:59:19

你写得真好，真的。不论是词语的选择还是例子，结构，都很好，你一定可以成功的。你的积累真的太丰富了。

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-25 15:43:54

谢谢鼓励！可我每篇issue写的都太久了。这篇写了和改了一下午。。。

作者: hustzwj 时间: 2005-7-25 17:00:50

.(从Attitude的角度看选择蛮新颖的。

和偶得有巧合!:lol:lol
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ighlight=%2Bhustzwj

[ Last edited by hustzwj on 2005-7-25 at 17:01 ]

作者: OceanD 时间: 2005-7-26 11:31:25

谢谢鼓励！可我每篇issue写的都太久了。这篇写了和改了一下午。。。

能否传授一下改文章的经验和方法，我自己总是很难给自己改，不知道从哪入手

作者: billbee 时间: 2005-7-26 12:27:01

Now I am sitting in this room and typing my writing with a computer: I am having my Graduate Record Examination. Did I have a choice for that? Yes, I chose to go to graduate school and I chose the date of the test, I chose to come to this place this morning and I just chose to deal with this issue other than the other one a minute ago. But given that my decision to go to graduate school, do I have a choice to take GRE or not? It seems not, for most graduate schools I want to go require GRE score. Do I have a choice to use my own laptop rather than this computer during the test? No, that is not allowed. Together with these cases are tons of other situations that people complain about their “having no choice”.[我觉得这句话挺好的，倒装了] I will argue, however, although it seems that in many circumstances we do not have a choice, we do always have one, for we can always choose our attitude toward those situations.
[挺cool的，但是有点罗嗦，如果能缩短，精炼的表达自己的意思，那就perfect了]

True[没见过，是不是truly？], many external factors influence our choice: we are not masters of the world. For most of us, we cannot choose our color or gender, the times we live in, the habits we learned since we were very young, mother language we speak, rules and morals that we have to obey, and other social customs that we have to follow. In a word, just as Rousseau put, “human beings are everywhere in shackles.” In many situations though it seems that one does have choices, yet those choices are too strict that [so....that]they are not possible choices for one at all. Could one not answer the call of his or her country to fight against invaders when a war breaks out? Could one easily quitquits her job simply because she does not like it when she has a family to raise? Those external situations, wars, family pressure, have already eliminated other “choices” before one gives answer.

Although external forces limit our choice, it does not necessarily follow that in those situations we have no choice at all, for we can always make our internal choices, that is, choose our attitude towards external facts that we cannot change. Jean-Paul Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to be free.” [又一句名言，不错阿]Whatever external situations are, human beings always have free will to make their internal decisions, and in this way they can always be free in another area.

Consider an extreme example, the metaphor of Sisyphus given by another famous existentialist, Albert Camus. Sisyphus was punished by Zeus and had to push a monolith to the top of a mountain every day; whenever he succeeded, however, the monolith would fall to the foot and he had to repeat the same work day by day. Did this poor man, Sisyphus, have a choice? It seems not. No one would like to choose to do such a ridiculous and meaningless job and it was forced by Zeus that Sisyphus had to do so. Nevertheless, Camus argues that Sisyphus did have a choice: his attitude and mood toward this job. Sisyphus never despaired of his fate; on the contrary, he regarded his everyday job as a fight for life, from this continuous struggle he granted meaning to this otherwise meaningless job. Although his choice of mood cannot change the fact that he had to repeat the same work, its significance nevertheless changed and Camus argues, Sisyphus was a happy man in doing this job.[too long]
We are probably much luckier than Sisyphus, for most situations we meet are not worse than his. This extreme example can give us an inspiration: even if in some circumstance external forces undermine our choices--and we are not able to change those external factors--we may nevertheless have internal freedom and make our inner choices. When wars break one’s peaceful life and force one to go to battlefield, one can nevertheless decide to bear a positive mind toward the situation. When one has to keep a job in spite of preferring more free time, one can try to change mood and be less negative toward the job. In all those situations, it is hardly to say one has no choice at all[all those situations indicate that ..... 简洁点]
In a word, although external factors may limit our choices, we may always grasp internal freedom in our hand. External obstacles should not be our excuse of complaints, for all things considered, the *absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.
--------------------
comment:楼主驾驭文字的能力很强，例子什么的也没话说，特别开头，别致，虽然罗嗦----你开头的那个例子我也曾想过写上，后来写着写着就忘了---！不过，字数好像比较吓人，可以适当进行精简
----------
我也写了一篇136，修改了一下（最后面有一个修改过的版本），也希望能到楼主的高见

http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D103

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-26 12:38:14

经验谈不上。skater同学把我的另一篇批的体无完肤。但看了一些文章，我觉得改的话首先最基本的语法错误要尽量改过来。一来可以发现自己什么地方容易出错，二来让别人改起来不至于把精力都投入到挑语法错而顾不上文章的结构和思想。第二，写完后读自己文章，看看长句和短句的搭配是否有节奏感，（大家都读了这么多年英语了，这个应该能发现）避免太多太简单的句子。看一看一些句子是否可以合并，一些意思是不是在重复，一些重要观点是不是表达的不够。最后，看一下各段之间的过渡和层次，重点看每段的开头和结尾，开头是否对上短的内容有回应，尾句是否总结了全段或引起下段。还有一些长段是不是可以拆成两段，一些段落是否可以合并。

另外如果有时间的话，我不赞成一上来就限时，这样逼的自己没法展开思路。我觉得还是动笔之前一定把自己的观点想清楚，至少像高考作文那样审题构思。内容有保障，文章才不至于翻来覆去重复一些空洞的话。等这个过程熟悉了，思路打开了，看到题目就能很快完成构思的过程，再限时。

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-26 13:45:41

billbee 你的我已经回了。

作者: skater 时间: 2005-7-27 23:15:41

Originally posted by tangjihede at 2005-7-26 12:38
经验谈不上。skater同学把我的另一篇批的体无完肤。但看了一些文章，我觉得改的话首先最基本的语法错误要尽量改过来。一来可以发现自己什么地方容易出错，二来让别人改起来不至于把精力都投入到挑语法错而顾不上文 ...

哈哈，原来至今耿耿于怀阿，呵呵，不过很赞同你的对于限时和展开的看法，还有自查的思路！！赞。我那个昨天实在搞到一点多，什么也看不出来了。。。。。我会内疚的好好修改的！

作者: skater 时间: 2005-7-27 23:17:06

还有你的我马上拍

作者: skater 时间: 2005-7-28 00:17:20

1。Now I am sitting in this room and typing my writing with a computer: I am having my Graduate Record Examination. Did I have a choice for that? Yes, I chose to go to graduate school and I chose the date of the test, I chose to come to this place this morning and I just chose to deal with this issue other than the other one a minute ago. But given that my decision to go to graduate school, do I have a choice to take GRE or not? It seems not, for most graduate schools I want to go require GRE score. Do I have a choice to use my own laptop rather than this computer during the test? No, that is not allowed. Together with these cases are tons of other situations that people complain about their “having no choice”. I will argue, however, although it seems that in many circumstances we do not have a choice, we do always have one, for we can always choose our attitude toward those situations. （ok!标新立异的开头~however, it’s very complete, with a formulation of Q+A+P, and give the indication of the body paragraphs）
2。True, many external factors influence our choice: we are not masters of the world. For most of us, we cannot choose our color or gender, the times we live in, the habits we learned (好像habit是不能用learn 的，原来有个四级的词组，什么来着？？get down to the habit ??)since we were very young, mother language we speak, rules and morals that we have to obey, and other social customs that we have to follow. In a word, just as Rousseau put, “human beings are everywhere in shackles.” In many situations though it seems that one does have choices, yet those choices are too strict that they are not possible (accessible) choices for one at all. Could one not answer the call of his or her country to fight against invaders when a war breaks out? Could one easily quit her job simply because she does not like it when she has a family to raise?（呵呵，你准备让老美觉得你性别歧视阿？？） Those external situations,（——） wars, family pressure, have already eliminated other “choices” before one gives answer.

3。Although external forces limit our choice, it does not necessarily follow that in those situations we have no choice at all, for we can always make our internal choices, that is, choose our attitude towards external facts that we cannot change. Jean-Paul Sartre uttered this point in the strongest way: “Human beings are bound to be free.” Whatever external situations are, human beings always have free will to make their internal decisions, and in this way they can always be free in another area.

4。Consider an extreme example, the metaphor of Sisyphus given by another famous existentialist,（讨厌阿，你把我喜欢的作家都用上了！！） Albert Camus. Sisyphus was punished by Zeus and had to push a monolith to the top of a mountain every day; whenever he succeeded, however, the monolith would fall to the foot and he had to repeat the same work day by day. Did this poor man, Sisyphus, have a choice? It seems not. No one would like to choose to do such a ridiculous and meaningless job and it was forced by Zeus that Sisyphus had to do so. Nevertheless, Camus argues that Sisyphus did have a choice: his attitude and mood toward this job. Sisyphus never despaired of his fate; on the contrary, he regarded his everyday job as a fight for life, from this continuous struggle he granted meaning to this otherwise meaningless job. Although his choice of mood cannot change the fact that he had to repeat the same work, its significance nevertheless changed and Camus argues, Sisyphus was a happy man in doing this job.

5。We are probably much luckier than Sisyphus, for most situations we meet are not worse than his. This extreme example can give us an inspiration: even if in some circumstance external forces undermine our choices--and we are not able to change those external factors--we may nevertheless have internal freedom and make our inner choices. When wars break one’s peaceful life and force one to go to battlefield, one can nevertheless decide to bear a positive mind toward the situation. When one has to keep a job in spite of preferring more free time, one can try to change mood and be less negative toward the job. In all those situations, it is hardly to say one has no choice at all.
6。In a word, although external factors may limit our choices, we may always grasp internal freedom in our hand. External obstacles should not be our excuse of complaints, for all things considered, the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance.
（说真的，看了gf们的评论我是抱着欣赏文章的态度来拍的。读到第三段之前我还是蛮感到高兴的，毕竟gf们里语言不错的并不多。但向下看时我感到逻辑的混乱，也许是你分段太多了。我总结一下：2段：外在的影响+例证；3 ：让步+名言引出=可以选择attitude（下面的总论点）；4极端例子证明了：外在影响不可改变，但态度可以改变； 5:我们的立场：虽然限制但可以选择inner choices+小例子；
好了，你不觉得有点乱吗？我的感觉是如果按照提纲的两方面，你似乎在第三段就引出了第二个观点。但下面的两段都是混合来证明这两方面观点的。这还不算很乱，还有时在论证过程中重新重复观点（5段），我还以为到了结尾了呢，可是后面又有小例子了，结尾还在跟后面。而这样的乱并不是所谓的正反论证的过程，而是车轱辘话来回说。(sorry!) 另外。尽管你在现在可以不限时，但考场上是要的。这就有题材选择的问题。像我们这样平时书读得比较多的，在平时写提纲时就重要面临取舍，把自己想到的相关的材料都列出来，但要选择五六百字能论述完的。刚看到帖子时就惊讶你字数的多，但我现在发现你显然没有进行取舍。西西佛斯神化是没必要把神话列出来的，而且，加缪在此书中着重讨论了荒谬的问题，人的生存。。
你显然可以把加缪的态度放在引出观点的段落，把神话的能容作为例子。其他比较啰嗦的小例子也可取舍，尤其第五段感到特别没必要。不知他的作用除了是比较不极端的情况还有什么作用。看了一下，那段125字，也许你在考场上需要去掉这段）
Ok,班门弄斧。加油！

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-28 17:10:45 标题: 哈哈，skater的冰刀每次都是锐利无比！

1。用her谈不上性别歧视吧？用his、him反到容易被找麻烦。英语的论文提到第三人称单数的时候大多都用her。
2。你一共只喜欢两个作家么？
3。结构是这样的：

1。回应题目，给出TS
2。让步，承认外在因素确实在限制人们的选择，给出两个例子。战争，家庭压力。
3。然而，内在态度总可以选择
4。例如。。
5。回应这个例子。最后的两个小例子是在回应第二段的两个例子，指出即使在这种情况下，内在的选择依然存在
6。总结全文。

如果按照老三段或老四段的格式，那么3。4。5段是可以合并的，属于一个意义群，但这部分是我论述的主体，比较长，分段的方式使第三段成为文中的过渡段，引出下面的正面观点。

当然，预期是这样的，从skater同学的批评来看，这个布局和以往其他的尝试一样，都不成功。“车轱辘话”实在一针见血。自己修改时曾苦于第5段没话说，想把第三段搬过来。以后修改时，打算把这些内容都放在sisyphus的例子后面说。另外，精简开头和例子。

看了skater的一席话，深感不可自欺欺人。往后引以为戒。

作者: skater 时间: 2005-7-28 20:12:10

Originally posted by tangjihede at 2005-7-28 17:10
1。用her谈不上性别歧视吧？用his、him反到容易被找麻烦。英语的论文提到第三人称单数的时候大多都用her。
2。你一共只喜欢两个作家么？
3。结构是这样的：

1。回应题目，给出TS
2。让步，承认外在因素确实 ...

哈哈，老美的性别，种族歧视和咱们是不太一样的，比如种族，不歧视黑人但也不歧视白人，这就是美国一流大学有平权法案的原因，也就是说，男女平等的意思就是平等，而不是保护女性，过度强调feminist也是歧视，哈哈
我喜欢的作家多了去啦
呵呵，结构再搞搞吧，老美脑子比较笨，再加上阅卷时间短，最好让他们明白易懂

作者: tangjihede 时间: 2005-7-29 00:48:55

我不是跟你抬杠，但是我现在能给你拿出我复印的30篇英语论文用的都是her，而且好玩儿的是男作者用的大多是her，女作者反到有几个用his的。

结构我会改的。谢谢！

作者: vprzhs 时间: 2005-7-29 01:02:40

看了，这里有两个大虾级人物哦。。呵呵。。大家努力。。

Ps：我是看到这篇帖子人气旺才进来凑凑热闹。。呵呵，一篇文章能这么旺，实属难能！！

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)