寄托家园留学论坛

标题: cc的互改小组 9月考试 [打印本页]

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-11 23:40:35 标题: cc的互改小组 9月考试

人员 ladzh Esther.Li clylize DanielTyan Theo naturalbeau (韩儿) 古道西风
每人每天至少一个i 题目不限晚上10点前交好不交完来帖子里留下连接
如果坚持不了请自动退出
以三天为界限不可以坚持的就算退出
大家要咬牙坚持住好吗

[ Last edited by clylize on 2005-8-26 at 11:58 ]

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-12 11:58:46

好，支持
issue还没开始看，刚开始一定很不上道，请大家多多指正！

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-12 12:04:24 标题: 偶刚刚创建一个作文群，请加群号

14544036

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 12:11:09

我也是九月考，能不能加一个？

作者: DanielTyan 时间: 2005-8-12 12:40:18 标题: 可以加入一个么？

九月七日，成都，希望能和大家共勉，可以加入战队么？谢谢！;P

作者: juliegogo 时间: 2005-8-12 12:53:08 标题: 也加我一个吧!

我也是9月考,武汉的,加我一个吧,大家一起努力!!

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 13:48:02

我也是在成都考
队长能否组织大家每天写相同的题目

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-12 14:44:17 标题: 今日argu作业，未限时

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=317238

不赞同楼上的意见

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 17:49:08

Esther, 我读了你的argu，你去看看吧

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 17:53:59 标题: 我今天的argu,谢谢大家了

我今天的argu,谢谢大家了

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 17:56:33

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-12 17:59:45

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=317410
我今天的issue,谢谢大家

作者: ladzh 时间: 2005-8-12 21:28:56 标题: 对不起！我来晚了！今天有急事，十分十分抱歉！我有个建议

咱们小组能不能互相告知邮件，以word附件的方式发送到对方的信箱里，修改起来比较方便，另外也节省时间，这样安排一下，六个人排成ABCDEF，依次排队，
第一天：A→B，B→C，C→D。。。。依次类推F→A；
第二天：A→C，B→D，C→E，D→F。。依次类推。
第三天：A→D，B→E。。依次。。。
这样大家看清顺序，就能保证每次人都能改自己的作文。
大家看怎么样啊？

作者: ladzh 时间: 2005-8-12 22:08:19 标题: 我的issue，谢谢大家！

Issue 84.
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

Nowadays there is general debate over, as for a cultural, whether formal education is the primary way to perpetuate the ideas the culture tries to favor or discard the ideas it fears. Upon thinking about the issue, I concede that formal educational is an important means to inherit brilliant cultural ideas or discard the improper ones. However, as far as I am concerned, formal education is just one of three main ways of making a cultural ideas eternal of abandon the valueless ones: education, social movement, and public voice.

Admittedly, education provides abundant opportunities for people to have access to a multitude of cultural ideas, including family education and formal school education. Undoubtedly, whoever one is,, the moment he/she was born, he is influenced by his/her parents’ ideas inevitably. What he thinks and behaves depends on what kind of family he is and what cultural ideas the family favors or fears. After he/she grows up and goes to school, as a result, school plays a vital role in teaching them which to cherish and which to disdain on how to appreciate essential cultural ideas. For example, as for Chinese, people were taught to learn about the canon of Confucian since childhood, which help them shape the life of philosophy on honesty, lenience, and generosity. Also it was Confucius who first established the earliest school in China to popularize Confucianism, which became the classic of cultural ideas for over 3000 years. Therefore, education indeed makes significant contribution to perpetuate cultural ideas.

Aside from education, social cultural movement also help preserve the essence of cultural ideas and throw away the cultural rubbish. Take the Renaissance of the sixteenth century as an example, Italy, on one hand, witnessed the resurgent of Humanism, which led to an unprecedented ebullience period of art, sculpture, poetry and architecture etc that exert great influence on the cultural development in Europe; on the other hand, Italy sighed the downfall of theology which has dominated the cultural ideology for ages at that time. Times again Europe experienced cultural prosperity in a variety of fields that consequently bridged the cultural gap between the West and the East, and times again these social cultural movements conserve the paramount ideas one culture prefers to and enriches the cultural horizon as well.

As time went on, one will be faced with the society where is fraught with a diverse array of choices to make everyday. Therefore, by contacting with different people, and dealing with different matters, one can embrace the ideas he favors and disregard he dislikes according to his own choices. Cultural ideas vary form country to country and hence vary from people to people. Thereby the ways of keeping or discrediting the cultural ideas depends on distinctive voice form public.

In conclusion, Although I agree with the speaker that formal education is a means to for one to choose the cultural ideas he/she prefers or disregard the ones he/she dislikes to some degree, Another two approaches, social cultural movement and public opinion are equally primary for one to follow.

作者: DanielTyan 时间: 2005-8-12 23:12:08 标题: 第一篇，总算找到组织了！

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-12 23:39:03

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ight=%2Bnaturalbeau

作者: DanielTyan 时间: 2005-8-13 02:40:37 标题: ladzh，我挥掌乱拍，拍疼了你可别怪我！疼怕了你也可以回拍，^_^

Nowadays there is general debate over, as for a cultural, whether formal education is the primary way to perpetuate the ideas the culture tries to favor（favors就行了，tries to favor是什么意思，不明白） or discard the ideas it fears. Upon thinking about the issue, I concede that formal educational（用个形容词在这里做什么？） is an important means to inherit brilliant cultural ideas or discard the improper（最好改一下这个形容词，原题中说的the ideas that a culture fears，不是说‘不正确’的ideas） ones. However, as far as I am concerned, formal education is just one of three main ways of making a（单复数请分清） cultural ideas eternal of abandon the valueless ones: education, social movement（社会运动？）, and public voice.

Admittedly, education provides abundant opportunities for people to have access to a multitude of cultural ideas, including family education and formal school education. Undoubtedly, whoever one is,, the moment he/she was born, he is（时态请保持一致） influenced by his/her parents’ ideas inevitably. What he thinks and behaves depends on what kind of family he is and what cultural ideas the family favors or fears. After he/she grows up and goes to school, as a result, school plays a vital role in teaching them which to cherish and which to disdain on how to appreciate essential cultural ideas. For example, as for Chinese, people were taught to learn about the canon of Confucian（这个是形容词） since childhood, which help them shape the life of philosophy on honesty, lenience, and generosity. Also it was Confucius who first established the earliest school in China to popularize Confucianism, which became the classic of cultural ideas for over 3000 years. Therefore, education indeed makes significant contribution to perpetuate cultural ideas.

Aside from education, social cultural movement also help（s） preserve the essence of cultural ideas and throw away the cultural rubbish. Take the Renaissance of the sixteenth century as an example, Italy, on one hand, witnessed the resurgent of Humanism, which led to an unprecedented ebullience period of art, sculpture, poetry and architecture etc（etc用法错误，请自己查一下字典） that exert great influence on the cultural development in Europe; on the other hand, Italy sighed the downfall of theology which has dominated the cultural ideology for ages at that time. Times again Europe experienced cultural prosperity in a variety of fields that consequently bridged the cultural gap between the West and the East, and times again these social cultural movements conserve the paramount ideas one culture prefers to and enriches the cultural horizon as well.

As time went on, one will be faced with the society where is fraught with a diverse array of choices to make everyday. Therefore, by contacting with different people, and dealing with different matters, one can embrace the ideas he favors and disregard he dislikes according to his own choices. Cultural ideas vary form country to country and hence vary from people to people. Thereby the ways of keeping or discrediting the cultural ideas depends on distinctive voice form public.

In conclusion, Although I agree with the speaker that formal education is a means to for one to choose the cultural ideas he/she prefers or disregard the ones he/she dislikes to some degree, Another two approaches, social cultural movement and public opinion are equally primary for one to follow.
说老实话，对作者此文我的评价不高，如果按照GRE评分标准来看，属于3分（limited）一类的作文。
比较严重的缺点和错误有如下几类：
第一，在语言上：冠词误用，形容词名词乱用，时态、语态混乱，详见文中以括号标出的地方，时态混乱尤其在第二段非常明显，请作者自己看看自己列举的例子；
这里暂且猜测作者写完此文匆忙就贴了上来，自己没有作任何自我修改；
第二，在结构上，作者整体思路比较清楚，部分赞同speaker的观点，并进行补充；但是意群段落内部结构混乱，论述无力，缺乏对论点有效和合理的支持。例如第一个论述段落群，作者本意是要说明education（这里暂且不论题目中的formal education，作者尚未对对其进行有力回应，反而扯到了家庭教育上）对于延伸社会所钟爱的“ideas”的作用，但是整个论述一会儿说家庭影响，一会儿说学校教育，在两个都只是简单提及的情况下，又转到了孔夫子对中国的影响上去了，作为例子，孔子的例子对于论点可以是一个很好的支持，但是论述成这样或许更好一些：我们的文化一向尊崇“孔老二”，因此，我们在教育当中不断向学生们灌输他的思想，同时驳斥一切与其背道而驰的理论，在家里父母长辈也每天在我们耳边念叨，尊孔爱国，严防死守资本主义侵蚀，因此我们每一代都是背负了“仁义礼智信”的教义而长大的，也就珍视这些思想而鄙视我们的异类思想例如“享乐主义”“资本主义”“无组织，无纪律”等等等等。由此可见，起码中国的文化是通过教育来强化有利思想而弱化不利思想的；第二个意义群也有些勉强，首先social movement是个误用，其次，文艺复兴也是一个好例子，但是作者似乎缺乏对材料有效的组织，仅仅在文中提出了一个“神学”的倒台，到底倒台了又怎样？哪些东西得到了强化——即，哪些是culture favors？哪些东西最终被摒弃——即culture fears（注意这里是害怕，而不是说obsolete等等）？第三个段落就是作者在打迷踪拳了，前文提到过public voice，按照字面意思可能是“群众声音”，难道是“舆论”但是舆论单词是“public opinion”啊，后来论述的却和前文提及风马牛不相及，讲一个人在社会里面闯荡遇到很多ideas，然后他自己去选择，作者你是不是在考考阅卷人是否记得你前面的综述哦？还有你的结尾简直不堪入目啊，真是离题万里——题目说的是culture来perpetuate它的favorite ideas，你却说一个人在选择culture ideas，我看你写到这里已经彻底糊涂了——或者是我已经看糊涂了。
第三，作者的分析——即很多comments中强调的“analysis”有些欠缺，说实话，是很欠缺，建议再详细读一下6分的几篇极品范文。
问题暂时就说这么多，最后再给你一块糖——其实你的论证思路还是清楚的，只是最后走偏了。

作者: zhaoll99 时间: 2005-8-13 11:28:19

队长，找到组织了，加我一个吧！

作者: zhaoll99 时间: 2005-8-13 11:29:23

不知道如何加入作文群，是QQ号吗，不好意思，很土的说

？？？偶刚刚创建一个作文群，请加群号

14544036

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-13 14:07:40

我今天的作业，issue174
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1730283
谢谢大家了

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-13 18:16:15 标题: 我今天的作业, 第一篇ISSUE,大家帮忙狠狠批啊,谢谢

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-13 18:34:31 标题: 今天的ARGU, 149,麻烦帮忙改下,可以互结partner,以后固定互相改啊

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=318135

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-13 20:41:04

issue 51
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ight=%2Bnaturalbeau
arugment 38
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-13 21:45:30

argu53
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=318253
issue这就写去。。。

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-13 22:42:36

issue10第二次写，还是不太有感觉，正好45分钟，但是文章很……请狠拍！
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

作者: ladzh 时间: 2005-8-13 23:25:24 标题: 我今天的issue 作业，请大家狠拍，谢谢！

我今天的issue 作业，请大家狠拍，谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-14 15:29:36 标题: 我今天的argu，交作业，argu20,较高频

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-14 15:35:48 标题: 突然发现我的argu53还没有被拍过。。。

哪位帮帮忙啊？
拍完留下你的链接，偶也去大规模杀伤性地拍一拍，嘿嘿

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-14 15:58:39

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ Last edited by clylize on 2005-8-14 at 23:08 ]

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-14 16:00:26

Originally posted by Esther.Li at 2005-8-14 15:35
哪位帮帮忙啊？
拍完留下你的链接，偶也去大规模杀伤性地拍一拍，嘿嘿

我看了你字数太少了呀重新写了我拍^_^

作者: ladzh 时间: 2005-8-14 20:18:55 标题: issue 7,我今天的作业，请大家不吝赐教，谢谢！

issue 7,我今天的作业，请大家不吝赐教，谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-14 20:55:55

请给我拍的朋友在回帖后留下你的链接 ^ ^

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-14 22:35:32 标题: Issue No.4 高频. 第二篇,手感不好,大家多多指正，留下连接回拍

今天的作业，太吃力了，写的，一休真是要命了

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-15 08:53:58

argument4
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ight=%2Bnaturalbeau

作者: zhaoll99 时间: 2005-8-15 09:32:09 标题: argument88. 有拍必回

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=319140

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-15 09:47:45

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

今日issue作业，高频，拍者请留链接

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-15 21:32:42

issue 41 高频
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=319732

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-16 00:14:25 标题: 今天的ARGU，53, 婴儿那篇

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=319883

作者: DanielTyan 时间: 2005-8-16 00:50:41 标题: 8/15的Issue,Topic26

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=319897

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-16 01:20:26

MM加我一个...原来的小组里的人基本都要考了...我还有1个月才考AW...

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-16 11:15:38

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=320036

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-16 11:30:09

组长在哪留作业呢?

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-16 14:04:00

怎么这里这么冷清呢....

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-16 21:53:58

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=320529

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-17 15:48:18

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=321071

作者: 咯噔 时间: 2005-8-17 16:02:27

加我一个，成都的．９．１４．必须要每天做作业吗？

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-17 16:40:44

to咯噔

23435200(clylize) 16:44:27
要是他要参加每天要写作文也要每天改

作者: 咯噔 时间: 2005-8-17 16:40:54

Are the public figures destined to be troubled by the problem of lack of privacy? The question raises several issues about both personal and social problems. I concede that public figures, as normal individuals, to some extent can have their private life. On balance, however, I agree with the point since it is the requirement of both their occupations and the public.
First, my proposition is substantiated by the nature of their job which is of no efficiency, or rather even of no need to exist, if public do not pay any attention to them. Consider, for example, Lincon, the illumenent polititian and president who accomplished the abolition of slavery and avoided the nation’s disintegration. It is through speech around the nation and some moving but true stories---these stories have impressed people, either from north or south, with Lincon’s subliminal figure---that Lincon encouraged the whole nation and wined his preposition great support. Now much information has been left about what Lincon like or dislike, illustrating how people at that time get to know him and trust in him---by enjoying caring about his private life.
Second, another important if not the vital, reason to explain my proposition is the consideration of the role, of growing significance to a nation, that the public media takes. Consider the two tasks of mass-media, to entertain the public and to superintend the several people who may have too much prorogue, it has no choice but too focus on the privat life of public figures. After all, as the mass-media is now competent to these two jobs, winning the honor of uncrowned king, every aspects of the famous people’s life is certainly exposed too much to the public.
However, as sentiment sometimes varies according to the different qualifications given, some adverse notions may be justified. For example, a negation, resulted from the inconveniece that the public care has brought to the illuminates’ life, may be put forth. Or consider that the public figures are more and more aware of the attention they draws, the image that they send to us through television, newspapers or others are more possibly to be pretentous. Albeit all these suggestions seems reasonable to some extent, they only play a supplementary, if any, role, far from undermining my positive attitude.
In sum, as my contention performed above, while in theory public figures can enjoy their private life, I fundlementally agree that the public figure should have no complaints when they lose some of their privacy.

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-17 21:09:48

最近一直不能上网，所以没有交作业，也没有改，不好意思啊。

看了qq的留言，pp3确实是可以用的，我开始也没有能打开，但是你在“开始”菜单中找到你新安装的pp3就可以进去了。进去后有一项是 practic sth.. 点击，然后里面有个keyboard 什么什么的，点击就好了。

如果还不行就发帖说啊

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-17 21:26:44 标题: 今天的作业,argu 159,请指点.

总算写到400字以上了~:(

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=321266

作者: beck0729 时间: 2005-8-17 22:52:59

今天刚刚加入，只能先交一个issue了
issue4 第一次写也是第一次计时，请大家指教

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=321319

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-17 22:58:41

issue 154
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-17 23:03:25

argument 117
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-18 00:02:06 标题: 今天的Issue. 父母是否应该参与教育的那篇

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=321386

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-18 00:10:00

今天的作业 issue17 法律公正的问题
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=321390

作者: kiona 时间: 2005-8-18 19:07:20

可以加我吗？
9月13号哈尔滨

作者: juliegogo 时间: 2005-8-18 20:49:22 标题: 今天的arg

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

帮我看看吧,快考了,很急啊,这是第一篇呐.

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-18 21:37:47

issue138
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1755059

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-18 23:40:57

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1755856
这个的例子不是很好麻烦大家帮我多看看想想还可以怎么写

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-19 09:29:32

大家有时间看一下我的144。。。被一个用词天花乱坠的ms牛人的人批的一文不值。。。不过个人觉得他批的基本没什么道理。。。大家去看看哦~~~

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=318644

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-22 12:45:31

issue196
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=324410

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-22 18:44:48

我一直发不了帖!!!没有开除我吧？

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-22 18:56:10

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=324605
我的argu, 不好意思，那么久没有上网。帮我看看啊

作者: naturalbeau 时间: 2005-8-23 08:47:42 标题: issue 185

issue 185,感觉好难写啊
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ight=%2Bnaturalbeau

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-23 16:46:56

一休51, 教育高频的,反方观点写的,大家有空帮看看

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=325133

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-23 19:58:54

今天的issue作业谢谢大家了呵呵
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=325244

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-23 20:53:19

请问高频题在哪里可以找到啊？

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-23 22:34:54 标题: issue 38高频 ^ ^

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=325340

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-23 22:35:30

Originally posted by Theo at 2005-8-23 20:53
请问高频题在哪里可以找到啊？

置顶贴的机经;)

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:00:13

为什么现在人气不旺啊，昨天的都没人拍啊。。。。

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:15:37

Esther.Li ：
pp3 在官方网站下载后，直接安装，我想上面几步都已经完成了。安装后，在开始菜单里有：新安装的软件提示，直接点急打开。

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:17:21

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=325244
昨天的issue,好心人帮忙拍一下啊，谢谢了

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:19:18

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=325885
今天的issue,是关于教育的

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:36:07

请问issue一共分为几类啊？

作者: Theo 时间: 2005-8-24 21:38:34

强烈建议cc取消掉暂不加新人

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-24 22:29:07

Originally posted by Theo at 2005-8-24 21:15
Esther.Li ：
pp3 在官方网站下载后，直接安装，我想上面几步都已经完成了。安装后，在开始菜单里有：新安装的软件提示，直接点急打开。

原来如此，多谢:L:L

作者: Esther.Li 时间: 2005-8-25 21:49:27 标题: 今天的两篇高频

issue43
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101
argu145
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

留链接回拍

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-26 12:24:33

theo你的issue为何不写提纲呀？晕
我这两天在准备argu 网也有问题没怎么来

作者: popsywinter 时间: 2005-8-28 18:12:28

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=327959

作者: forevera 时间: 2005-8-29 10:05:44

138的
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=328194

作者: amalee 时间: 2005-8-29 10:09:28

还可以加入吗，我9.5的

作者: purple-1984 时间: 2005-8-29 10:17:10 标题: 请加我一个！！9。12哈尔滨

作者: clylize 时间: 2005-8-29 10:31:00

加入得化互改吧不要光贴自己得不改别人得就可以了^_^

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