Issue154 高频.大家多多指正，留下连接回拍

popsywinterUID: 2120302

摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分2秒     447 words
从2005年7月17日23时16分到2005年7月18日0时45分
------题目------
Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.

------正文------
While most of people would agree with that education is a vital foundation of the development of our society, some of the parents may simply transfer this burden to the schools. Although the professional educators play an important role in the whole education process, I would strongly agree with the above saying that parents and communities should also be involved and take their responsibilities.

As we all know, in most of the families, it is the parents that children spend most of their time with.  The views and behaviors of the parents, would deeply influent their children. Their attitudes to the learning, their value systems and their moral levels, would easily be taken as the example of their children. I often read some articles from the newspapers regarding the current education environment in China. Some teachers from the primary schools complained that the parents' behaviors set a bad example, and therefore undermined the school's positive effect, especially in the moral education field. For instance, if the parents always tell lies, how could you expect their children aware of the meaning of honesty? If the parents regard money as the most important thing in the world, how could the children in that family accept the idea of "serving the society"? There would be some exceptions, but in general, we should see that family factors reflect on most of people, straightly or potentially.

Thus, we can see that parents play a significant role in children's education, especially in their early age. Admitly, not all the parents have the same abilities as the professional educators, but they could contribute in many other ways, for example, spending more time to communicate with the school and their children.  

We should also realize that the communities should also be involved in leading the positive value systems.  As the children grow up and start to reach the outside world, they may stand in the crossroad of different choices. While the school only teach them the positive side of the reality, the communities may open a board picture to them. Sometimes, the children with no strong understanding of the world would lose their direction. It is the responsibility of the communities to educate them with the vivid knowledge of the life, which they could not learn from the textbooks.  Without these knowledge and experience, our young generation would not be ready for the rapidly developing social environment.

To sum up, the education is important for both the parents, which care most about their children's development, and the communities, which would be benefited by the positive education at last. Therefore these two parts should join with the local schools, and pay more attention on children's growth.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-18 at 17:22 ]

foreveraUID: 202035

占座。。明天看。。今天太困了

foreveraUID: 202035

While most of people would agree with that education is a vital foundation of the development of our society, some of the parents may simply transfer this burden to the schools. Although the professional educators play an important role in the whole education process, I would strongly agree with the above saying that parents and communities should also be involved and take their responsibilities.开头很不错

最好有鲜明的TSAs we all know, in most of the families, it is the parents that children spend most of their time with.  The views and behaviors of the parents, would deeply influent affect。。influent是流入的意思their children. Their 最好指代明确一点attitudes to the learning, their value systems and their moral levels, would easily be taken as the example of their children 这句表达不准确容易产生歧义. I often read some articles from the newspapers regarding the current education environment in China.罗嗦点了 some articles from the newpapers depict the current education environment in China，而且这里最好不要把中国一些不好的东西作为例子 Some teachers from the primary schools complained complain没有必要用过去时that the parents' behaviors set a bad example, and therefore undermined the school's positive effect, especially in the moral education 去掉也可以field. For instance, if the parents always tell lies, how could you expect their children to be？ aware of the meaning of honesty? If the parents regard money as the most important thing in the world, how could the children in that family accept the idea of "serving the society"? 2个问句不错There would be some exceptions, but in general, we should see that family factors reflect on most of people, straightly or potentially.

Thus, we can see that parents play a significant role in children's education, especially in their early age. Admitly admittedly, not all the parents have the same abilities as the professional educators, but they could contribute in many other ways, for example, spending more time to communicate with the school and their children.  后面没有了？感觉应该还有点东西吧

We should also realize that the communities should also be involved in leading the positive value systems 谁的value system？.  As the children grow up and start to reach the outside world, they may stand in the crossroad of different choices. While the school only teach them the positive side of the reality, the communities may open a board picture to them. Sometimes, the children with no strong understanding of the world would lose their direction. It is the responsibility of the communities to educate them with the vivid knowledge of the life, which they could not learn from the textbooks.  Without these knowledge and experience, our young generation would not be ready for the rapidly developing social environment.感觉这段说的没有深入下去。。。应该把communty怎么教育儿童具体的说一下

To sum up, the education is important for both the parents, which care most about their children's development, and the communities, which would be benefited by the positive education at last. Therefore these two parts should join with the local schools, and pay more attention on children's growth

总体来说思路比较清晰，论证的也还可以。。不过段落之间衔接不够紧密，从而导致结构有点乱。。语言方面也还不错。。不过要注意一些细节。

看看俺的一休17
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=321390
WORD坏了，可能有一些拼写错误。。。呵呵

popsywinterUID: 2120302

谢谢啊,你改的挺细的。:handshake
有个问题想探讨一下,为什么不能拿中国的例子来说问题呢?
我看范文里很多人写美国社会上的一些问题,那我也是拿身边看到的来说啊:confused:

ilterUID: 178877

While most of people would agree with that education is a vital foundation of the development of our society, some of the parents may simply transfer this burden to the schools. Although the professional educators play an important role in the whole education process, I would strongly agree with the above saying that parents and communities should also be involved and take their responsibilities.

As we all know, in most of the families, it is the parents that children spend most of their time with.  The views and behaviors of the parents, would deeply influent（affect） their children. Their attitudes to the learning, their value systems and their moral levels, would easily be taken as the example of their children(直接taken as the example 比较好。). I often read some articles from the newspapers regarding the current education environment in China. Some teachers from the primary schools complained that the parents' behaviors set a bad example, and therefore undermined the school's positive effect, especially in the moral education fieldin respect of moral education.. For instance, if the parents always tell lies, how could you expect their children aware of the meaning of honesty? If the parents regard money as the most important thing in the world, how could the children in that family accept the idea of "serving the society"? There would be some exceptions, but in general, we should see that family factors reflect on most of people, straightly or potentially.

Thus, we can see that parents play a significant role in children's education, especially in their early age. Admitly这个单词也写错啊。。倒, not all the parents have the same abilities as the professional educators, but they could contribute in many other ways, for example, spending more time to communicate with the school and their children.  

We should also realize that the communities should also be involved in leading the positive value systems.  As the children grow up and start to reach（哪有这么用的explore the unknow world） the outside world, they may stand in the crossroad of different choices. While the school only teach them the positive side of the reality, the communities may open a board picture to them. Sometimes, the children with no strong understanding of the world would lose their direction. It is the responsibility of the communities to educate them with the vivid knowledge of the life, which they could not learn from the textbooks.  Without these knowledge and experience, our young generation would not be ready for the rapidly developing social environment.

To sum up, the education is important （important 用的太多了吧 essential）for both the parents, which whocare most about their children's development, and the communities(没说明理由), which would be benefited by the positive education at last. Therefore these two parts should join with the local schools, and pay more attention on children's growth.

点评，个人觉得文章没有体现 involve in local school这个概念。只是强调了教育的一般功能。有跑题的可能