Argument147 决战830拍砖组 21日作业 同主题高频狂练,请兄弟们狂拍

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

Argument147  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分36秒     338 words

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'


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In the argument, the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the following months. To substantiate the argument, the arguer cites a survey of video-game players. However, after close examination, I find that there are at least the following flaws in it.

First of all, the argument is undermined by the fact that the amount of respondents of the survey is not mentioned and the respondents only include video-game players.  If the amount of the respondents is very small such as 8, the samples will not be representative of the population and so the survey will not be creditable. The survey can be doubted in the range of the respondents. Because all respondents are video-game players, this means that the survey cannot represent other game players and make it impossible that its users want to take into account other players.

Furthermore, the arguer failed to mention the amount of video-game players. If the trend of the amount of video-game players is decreasing, the survey will be misleading. Because the customers of Whirlwind games are video-game players, the reduction of the latter may be not lead to the reduction of the former in short time. However, the trend of the number of video-game players eventually means the decrease of Whirlwind video games players. So the data on the amount of video-game players is crucial to the arguer's conclusion.

Finally, we lack the evidence to indicate that video-game players will buy Whirlwind video-games who prefer them. It is well known that the power of buy is far more important than the will of buy. If the potential customers cannot afford the games or they choose to play the game in turn, the sales of the games will not get the anticipated amount. In a word, more details of the video-game players are needed.

In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. We should be provided with more information on the details of video-game players before a conclusion on the sales of Whirlwind video games is reached.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-22 at 00:27 ]

zhizhiUID: 2123761

In the argument, the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the following months. To substantiate the argument, the arguer cites a survey of video-game players. However, after close examination, I find that there are at least the following flaws in it.(呵呵 还是简洁明了的开头好 赞！btw最后可以补充一句什么which make the author's conclusion not persuasive 之类 说明一下这些逻辑错误最终结果是导致文章的结论不够有说服力这样一个结果可能会比较好)
First of all, the argument is undermined by the fact that the amount of respondents of the survey is not mentioned and the respondents only include video-game players.  If the amount of the respondents is very small such as 8, the samples will not be representative of the population and so the survey will not be creditable. （总感觉前面那个如果调查人数只有几个几个的说法不太合适 直接 if the samples are not representative of the overall group of people, the result of the survey will not be satistically creditable就可以了）The survey can be doubted in the range of the respondents. Because all respondents are video-game players, this means that the survey cannot represent other game players and make it impossible that its users want to take into account other players.

Furthermore, the arguer failed to mention the amount of video-game players. If the trend of the amount of video-game players is decreasing, the survey will be misleading. Because the customers of Whirlwind games are video-game players, the reduction of the latter may be去掉 not lead to the reduction of the former in short time. However, the trend of the number of video-game players eventually means the decrease（什么样的trend 意味着decrease 句首没有说明是增加的趋势还是减少的 给trend加一个限定词） of Whirlwind video games players. So the data on the amount of video-game players is crucial to the arguer's conclusion.

Finally, we lack the evidence to indicate that video-game players will buy Whirlwind video-games who prefer them. It is well known that the power of buy is far more important than the will of buy. （这句话很有道理 可以作为名言警句了:D 呵呵）If the potential customers cannot afford the games or they choose to play the game in turn, the sales of the games will not get the anticipated amount. In a word, more details of the video-game players are needed.（这一段整体论证都很清楚）
总体感觉挺好的 语言很突出 论证也很充分 只是前面在survey上面浪费了一些时间 还是应该把重点放在后面更为显著的逻辑错误上 再接再厉！
In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. We should be provided with more information on the details of video-game players before a conclusion on the sales of Whirlwind video games is reached. （结尾也很不错的说！）

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

Argument147  

In the argument, the arguer claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the following months. To substantiate the argument, the arguer cites a survey of video-game players. However, after close examination, I find that there are at least the following flaws in it which make the author's conclusion not persuasive.
First of all, the argument is undermined by the credibility of the result of the survey. The arguer fails to provide with the amount of the survey’s respondents which is crucial to the representation of the samples. If the samples are not representative of the population, the result of the survey will not be creditable. The survey can also be doubted in the range of the respondents. Because all respondents are video-game players, this means that the survey cannot represent other game players and make it impossible that its users want to take into account other players.

Furthermore, the arguer failed to mention the amount of video-game players. If the trend of the amount of video-game players is decreasing, the survey will be misleading. Because the customers of Whirlwind games are video-game players, the reduction of the latter may not lead to the reduction of the former in short time. However, the decreasing trend of the number of video-game players eventually means the decrease of Whirlwind video games players. So the data on the amount of video-game players is crucial to the arguer's conclusion.

Finally, we lack the evidence to indicate that video-game players will buy Whirlwind video-games who prefer them. It is well known that the purchasing power is far more important than the purchasing will. If the potential customers cannot afford the games or several players buy a game and play it in turn, the sales of the games will not get the anticipated amount. In a word, more details of the video-game players are needed.

In summary, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. We should be provided with more information on the details of video-game players before a conclusion on the sales of Whirlwind video games is reached.

zhizhiUID: 2123761

这次应该没什么问题了 body1最后一句在注意一下 and make it impossible that its users want to take into account other players.的主语是哪个词？ 是前面的this吗？ 这句话显得有点臃肿了 后面的部分还是在用一个句子引领一下比较好

文章整体还是很不错的:)

cruiserjiaUID: 2102784

总体感觉字数少了一点，其实argu就是把逻辑错误分析透彻了就行，再注意一下语言。