issue10 有拍必回 多谢指教！！

skeptic_liuUID: 2118334

------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
限时，在word中修改过
Disagree
1、major cities is not the only objects present the culture traditions.
2、we need to do a lot of things using the money, so we need a balance, the “must” is too strong.
3、although the thing we can do is limited, but the culture is so important that we need to do our best.
------正文------
The topic above state the nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated primarily in cities. It is not the truth in some circumstance. Provided it's available for all the environments, is the claim that governments must ensure the financial support their major cities needed in order to thrive solid enough? I don't think so.

I admit that the major cities play a more important role in the history, which made them thriving and valuable. Beijing shows it's thousands of year’s glory to the world. Washington D.C demonstrates the liberty of America. Athens record the ... history of Greek...the undeniable position that they obtained can not be omitted. However, the culture is not only lies in the splendid major cities. The country music we enjoyed, the rural painting fashioned free years before is still a reflection of the tradition, which is more pure and unsophisticated. So we also need to prevent the endangered cultural elements there from extinction.

Money, still the money! The starve people and medical care need financial support. The endangered species need the special care. The development of technology needs the government to give special report, besides, the national defense, the disease caused by nature need money too! Don't you think the word "must" here is too strong? Each coin has its two sides. We need to support the representation of culture -- major cities and other cultural elements -- financially, but here is a balance, not the black-and-white statement. So I am not support the word must here. I recommend that we should take care of the culture elements as carefully as possible, to be our best both financially and mentally, but not a single word--must.

Although we have to admit the reality our capability in protecting the culture is limited. But I would like to claim that I am a person who believes the culture is the spirit of our human race which means something we can not leave without. The culture we were brought up in gives us the social identification. The culture we honored of gives us the strength to against the aggression. The culture we believed in gives us the courage to work hard for our common belief. To sum up, the culture gets together the people with the same notion. It’s the last thing we have to lose.

To do our best to prevent the nation’s cultural traditions should be a consensus. Finding a way to protect our priceless heritage and at the mean time balance it with the development of economic, technology and so on should be considered rationally.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-24 at 22:39 ]

modeuxUID: 2107416

The topic above statestates the nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated primarily in major，开头陈述作者观点，最好表达精确一点比较好喔~~~cities. It is not the truth in个人感觉用under更准些 some circumstance. Provided it's available for all the environments, is the claim that governments must ensure the financial support their major cities needed in order to thrive solid enough? I don't think so.

I admit that the major cities play a more important role in the history, which made them thriving thriving好像不是繁荣吧，不如用prosperous？and valuable. Beijing shows it's thousands of year’syears’ glory to the world. Washington D.C demonstrates the liberty of America. Athens recordrecords the ... history of Greek...the undeniable position that they obtained can not be omitted. However, the culture is应该是does，LZ的主谓错误有点多哦~~ not only lies in依靠应该是lie on吧 the splendid major cities. The country music we enjoyed, the rural painting fashioned你是不是要表达流行？fashioned好像不是流行的意思，用popular吧 free years before is still a reflection of the tradition, which is more pure and unsophisticated. So we also need to prevent the endangered cultural elements there from extinction. 提一点个人意见，在文章中一段只表达一个观点，所以最好不要在一段话内用到转折，However后面的话可以放到后面的段中

Money, still the money! 听新东方老师的建议，最好不要用感叹句 The starve people人和医疗并列好像不太好，不如用starvation？ and medical care need financial support. The endangered species need the special care. The development of technology needs the government to give special report, besides, the national defense, the disease caused by nature need老问题，主谓不一致，diseases或者needs money too! Don't you think the word "must" here is too strong? Each coin has its two sides. We need to support the representation of culture -- major cities and other cultural elements -- financially, but here is a balance, not the black-and-white statement. So I am not supportdon’t support或者disagree the word must here这句话没看明白意思，呵呵~~~. I recommend that we should take care oftake care fo，照顾？应该是regard或者treat吧？ the culture elements as carefully as possible, to be our best both financially and mentally, but not a single word--must. 这段开头最好还是写个中心句，一直看到最后才明白要说的意思是，对待文化也要考虑经济因素

Although we have to admit the reality our capability in protecting the culture is limited这句话有点突兀，最好展开一下加点论述. Butalthough和but去掉一个，一句话只能有一个连词 I would like to claim that I am a person who am a person who去掉吧，简洁一点believes the culture is the spirit of our human race which means something 加个which，LZ写从句不喜欢用引导词喔，加上去会容易读一些we can not leave without. The culture we were brought up in gives us the social identification这句好像语法有问题，呵呵~~~好像还是从句没表达好. The culture we honored of gives us the strength to against the aggression. The culture we believed in gives us the courage to work hard for our common belief. To sum up, the culture gets together the people with the same notion. It’s the last thing we have to lose. 这段话感觉都是说理，但是缺乏论证，所以有点像喊口号，比如说为什么文化给我们勇气抵御侵略，给我们勇气工作，可以展开论证一下

To do our best to prevent the nation’s cultural traditions should be a consensus. Finding a way to protect our priceless heritage and at the mean time balance it with the development of economic, technology and so on should be considered rationally.

skeptic_liuUID: 2118334

太感谢了！！！无以言表。。。汗

马上改过。。。

foreveraUID: 202035

modeux 说的很详细了。。我也基本上同意他的改法。。。