寄托家园留学论坛

标题: issue154 （平生第2篇！GOGOGO小组成员看过来） [打印本页]

作者: azalea 时间: 2005-12-19 09:33:43 标题: issue154 （平生第2篇！GOGOGO小组成员看过来）

期待大家的砖头！！有拍必回！！拍得好的话我请客！走过路过不要错过！

Issue154（2005年2-9月总频50次）
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

Outline:
一：总起：教育需要社会各方面的参与和支持
二：分述1：教育家的作用
三：分述2：父母在学校教育中的作用(3层：for one thing; for another thing; moreover)
四：分述3：社区在学校教育中的作用
五：总结

Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totally support the author's view that education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators. Local schools, which constitute an essencial part of education, require involvement of both parents and communities.

Admittedly, professional educators play a central role in the whole process of education, particularly school education. School education is uniform and regulated, where is the right stage for the knowlege and vocational training of professional educators. They draw out and put in practice school regulations, set up curricula for different grades of students based on their expected level and make plans for teaching, evaluation and extracurricular activities. However, few of their daily obligations involve fave-to-face communication with students, which may ruin the effects of their planning and execution. For example, the planned curriculum load may be too heavy for students to endure, but without a system to adjust it, the professional educators still insist to carry out the plan relying solely on their own professional assumptions. Such case will be detrimental, since students may be fed up with endless information offered in various kinds of fields, or they study so hard to meet the standard that their health may be ruined. It is in such cases that parents and communities need to offer help to supplement and adjust teaching activities in local schools.

Parents are a major force to supplement and adjust the planning and teaching of professional educators in local schools. For one thing, parents are good assistants of the educators in teaching the students. They can supervise and urge their children to study when they are back home. Also, they can give their children extra knowlege about life besides what they have leant in school. For another thing, parents can adjust the teaching of educators when it is not suitable for their children. Living together and sharing similar genes, parents know their children better than all professional educators, regardless of how excellent the educators are. Parents will consider whether the curriculum fits their children, and if not, they are ready to discuss with the educators to see if any modifications can be made. Even though the uniform standard may not be changed, parents can still set personal goals for their children which best develop their potential. Moreover, parents can keep and eye on the mental health of their children. Since they are sensitive to the feelings of their children, if worry or frustration shadows their children, they are the first to come and cheer them up.

Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand, which offers an irreplaceable function in educating school children. Communities are the best classroom for students to learn how to communicate with all kinds of people besides classmates and parents, thus help them to socialize. Also, local schools can hold many welfare activities in communities such as visiting sanitariums of the senior people and orphan houses. Students learn to love and take care of others, which should be the top purpose of education.

In sum, I firmly believe that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. They play essencial roles in adjusting and supplementing school education carried out by professional educators, teaching children in intellectual, mental and social aspects, all of which cannot be fully achieved without the help of parents and communities.

(90min 583words)

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 04:00 编辑 ]

作者: pioneercpu 时间: 2005-12-20 12:56:52

Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totally support the author's view that education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators. Local schools, which constitute an essencial part of education, require involvement of both parents and communities.(背景+论点,这样字数可以多不少了学习一下呵呵)

Admittedly, professional educators play a central role in the whole process of education, particularly school education. School education is uniform and regulated, where is the right stage for the knowlege and vocational training of professional educators. They draw out and put in practice school regulations, set up curricula for different grades of students based on their expected level and make plans for teaching, evaluation and extracurricular activities. However, few of their daily obligations involve fave-to-face communication with students, which may ruin the effects of their planning and execution. For example, the planned curriculum load may be too heavy for students to endure, but without a system to adjust it, the professional educators still insist to carry out the plan relying solely on their own professional assumptions. Such case will be detrimental, since students may be fed up with endless information offered in various kinds of fields, or they study so hard to meet the standard that their health may be ruined. It is in such cases that parents and communities need to offer help to supplement and adjust teaching activities in local schools.

Parents are a major force to supplement and adjust the planning and teaching of professional educators in local schools. For one thing, parents are good assistants of the educators in teaching the students. They can supervise and urge their children to study when they are back home. Also, they can give their children extra knowlege about life besides what they have leant in school. For another thing, parents can adjust the teaching of educators when it is not suitable for their children. Living together and sharing similar genes, parents know their children better than all professional educators, regardless of how excellent the educators are. Parents will consider whether the curriculum fits their children, and if not, they are ready to discuss with the educators to see if any modifications can be made. Even though the uniform standard may not be changed, parents can still set personal goals for their children which best develop their potential. Moreover, parents can keep and(an) eye on the mental health of their children. Since they are sensitive to the feelings of their children, if worry or frustration shadows their children, they are the first to come and cheer them up.

Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand(这句话不太好), which offers an irreplaceable function in educating school children. Communities are the best classroom for students to learn how to communicate with all kinds of people besides classmates and parents, thus help them to socialize. Also, local schools can hold many welfare activities in communities such as visiting sanitariums of the senior people and orphan houses. Students learn to love and take care of others, which should be the top purpose of education.

In sum, I firmly believe that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. They play essencial roles in adjusting and supplementing school education carried out by professional educators, teaching children in intellectual, mental and social aspects, all of which cannot be fully achieved without the help of parents and communities.

---------------------------------
总子写的很不错的,我刚开始学,也找不出设么大的问题

呵呵

向你学习啊

作者: happy_shirley 时间: 2005-12-20 14:08:29

Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totally support the author's view that education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators. Local schools, which constitute an essencial part of education, require involvement of both parents and communities.（第一段很精彩！）

Admittedly, professional educators play （are playing） a central role in the whole process of education, particularly school education. (点出主题句，很好！) School education is uniform and regulated, where is the right stage for the knowlege and vocational training of professional educators. （这句话没有看懂）They draw out and put in practice school regulations (They draw out school regulations and put it into practice), set up (建议改为offer)curricula for different grades of students (students of different grades)based on their expected level and make plans for teaching, evaluation and extracurricular activities. However, few of their daily obligations involve fave-to-face communication with students(这样说好像不是和符合实际情况，老师和学生之间也有面对面的交流呀！), which may ruin the effects of their planning and execution. For example, the planned curriculum load may be too heavy for students to endure, but without a system to adjust it, the professional educators still insist to carry out the plan relying solely on their own professional assumptions. Such case (cases or a case) will be detrimental, since students may be fed up with endless information offered in various kinds of fields, or they study so hard to meet the standard that their health may be ruined. It is in such cases that parents and communities need to offer help to supplement and adjust teaching activities in local schools.
这段话的句子都很不错，楼主在写长句方面很有功底。但是感觉论证逻辑稍微差点。我看完这段没有很强的被说服的感觉。不知道这段到底在驳斥还是在支持呢？从你的主题句看应该是要支持教育的作用，但后面看着看着不知道楼主的意图了！

Parents are a major force to supplement and adjust the planning and teaching of professional educators （professional educators' teaching plan你是要表达这个意思吗？）in local schools. For one thing, parents are good assistants of the educators in teaching the students （cultivating children）. They can supervise and urge their children to study when they are back home. Also, they can give their children extra knowlege about life besides what they have leant in school. For another thing, parents can adjust the teaching of educators when it is not suitable for their children. Living together and sharing similar genes, parents know their children better than all professional educators (这种论断有待商榷，至少理由不成立，在一起并不一定了解哦！), regardless of how excellent the educators are. Parents will consider whether the curriculum fits their children, and if not, they are ready to discuss with the educators to see if any modifications can be made. （这种只能是可能，所以语气应该变一下比较好）Even though the uniform standard may not be changed, parents can still set personal goals for their children which best develop their potential. Moreover, parents can keep and eye on the mental health of their children. Since they are sensitive to the feelings of their children (这种说法不一定哦，很多家长都不如老师了解孩子), if worry or frustration shadows their children, they are the first to come and cheer them up. （这个要看年纪的，至少在青少年阶段不是这样的）
这一段的语言也不错，但是需要举一些更能说明家长作用的例子。有哪些是家长能做但老师不能做的？比如入学前，孩子的教育主要依赖于家长；家长

Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand（表达不错）, which offers an irreplaceable function in educating school children （这个地方最好能具体说一下哪个方面的作用）. Communities are the best classroom for students to learn how to communicate with all kinds of people besides classmates and parents, thus help them to socialize. Also, local schools can hold many welfare activities in communities such as visiting sanitariums of the senior people and orphan houses. Students learn to love and take care of others, which should be （is considered to be）the top purpose of education.

In sum, I firmly believe that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. They play essencial roles in adjusting and supplementing school education carried out by professional educators, teaching children in intellectual, mental and social aspects, all of which cannot be fully achieved without the help of parents and communities. （最后一句太长了，而且最后一个定语从句表达的意思和主句有点重复，建议调整一下拆成两句话）

楼主的文章写得很不错，先赞一个！:victory:
希望在逻辑上更系统化一些，主要是论证一定要有说服力，不要用设想的东西来论证或驳斥。
再接再厉哦！

作者: azalea 时间: 2005-12-20 14:35:28

恩恩谢谢~ 我先简单回下哦

我看了大家的文章觉得我和大家对题目的理解有些偏差
题目是说parents & communities 在local schools教育上的作用
我个人认为如果谈到父母在启蒙上的作用是不是有点跑题呢？
应该是围绕local school education这个issue吧

ps.组长你改得花花绿绿的怎么弄得啊？我用变色工具只能一种颜色的说:(

作者: happy_shirley 时间: 2005-12-20 16:12:54

我也是觉得大家的理解和你的不一样！不过我觉得你的理解挺好的。我刚开始看了书上的提纲，所以可能理解受到了限制。
估计很多人和我一样。
我觉得题目可能是说的家长和社区应该在学校教育中发挥更大的作用。所以我觉得你的理解不错，但是问题没有说清楚！

作者: azalea 时间: 2005-12-20 16:20:44

哦哦我没书没提纲的一个人胡思乱想加乱写的
不过我不知道大家那样算不算跑题严格讲有点把话题扩大化了不过也没什么大碍应该

作者: azalea 时间: 2005-12-20 16:33:52

Originally posted by pioneercpu at 2005-12-20 12:56
Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totall ...

Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand(这句话不太好),
确实不大好，，
Local schools still need communities' assitance? 也不好啊
我只是想写个短句在这里。。

大家给个修改意见吧

作者: azalea 时间: 2005-12-20 16:51:38 标题: 回拍~

Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totally support the author's view that education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators. Local schools, which constitute an essencial part of education, require involvement of both parents and communities.（第一段很精彩！）

Admittedly, professional educators play （are playing）[哦我用一般现在时是想说通常情况] a central role in the whole process of education, particularly school education. (点出主题句，很好！) School education is uniform and regulated, where is the right stage for the knowlege and vocational training of professional educators. （这句话没有看懂）[唉这个确实表述不清楚我的意思是学校教育是整齐划一且有制度的正需要专业工作者的专业技能]They draw out and put in practice school regulations (They draw out school regulations and put it into practice)[恩恩这样通顺些], set up (建议改为offer)[恩原词确实不恰当不过offer和我想表达的意思又有些差距 CIBA了一下用frame?也不太好唉]curricula for different grades of students (students of different grades)[啊对了我说怎么以前读不通的 shy//]based on their expected level and make plans for teaching, evaluation and extracurricular activities. However, few of their daily obligations involve fave-to-face communication with students(这样说好像不是和符合实际情况，老师和学生之间也有面对面的交流呀！)[恩恩我是想说因为学生太小有时不能或不敢把自己真实的想法告诉老师但是怎么说清楚呢], which may ruin the effects of their planning and execution. For example, the planned curriculum load may be too heavy for students to endure, but without a system to adjust it, the professional educators still insist to carry out the plan relying solely on their own professional assumptions. Such case (cases or a case)[恩cases] will be detrimental, since students may be fed up with endless information offered in various kinds of fields, or they study so hard to meet the standard that their health may be ruined. It is in such cases that parents and communities need to offer help to supplement and adjust teaching activities in local schools.
这段话的句子都很不错，楼主在写长句方面很有功底。但是感觉论证逻辑稍微差点。我看完这段没有很强的被说服的感觉。不知道这段到底在驳斥还是在支持呢？从你的主题句看应该是要支持教育的作用，但后面看着看着不知道楼主的意图了！
[我是要让步的还是想引起下一段说父母的重要性所以有点不清晰的说的对的要一直围绕主题句！我记下了]
Parents are a major force to supplement and adjust the planning and teaching of professional educators （professional educators' teaching plan你是要表达这个意思吗？）[是2个意思制定计划和教学活动2方面]in local schools. For one thing, parents are good assistants of the educators in teaching the students （cultivating children）[赞的！]. They can supervise and urge their children to study when they are back home. Also, they can give their children extra knowlege about life besides what they have leant in school. For another thing, parents can adjust the teaching of educators when it is not suitable for their children. Living together and sharing similar genes, parents know their children better than all professional educators (这种论断有待商榷，至少理由不成立，在一起并不一定了解哦！)[。。。组长你好苛刻哦不过父母了解孩子更多应是commonsense吧不需要过多论证了我把表述改一下好了,accompanying their children all the way in their growth, parents know their children better than all professional educators] regardless of how excellent the educators are. Parents will consider whether the curriculum fits their children, and if not, they are ready to discuss with the educators to see if any modifications can be made. （这种只能是可能，所以语气应该变一下比较好）[哦] Even though the uniform standard may not be changed, parents can still set personal goals for their children which best develop their potential. Moreover, parents can keep and eye on the mental health of their children. Since they are sensitive to the feelings of their children (这种说法不一定哦，很多家长都不如老师了解孩子)[我觉得不是哦。。], if worry or frustration shadows their children, they are the first to come and cheer them up. （这个要看年纪的，至少在青少年阶段不是这样的）[啊可是 local school我理解应该是小学为主吧那时逆反心理还没太形成哦]
这一段的语言也不错，但是需要举一些更能说明家长作用的例子。有哪些是家长能做但老师不能做的？比如入学前，孩子的教育主要依赖于家长；家长
[就是这个入学前，我觉得有跑题的嫌疑。。]
Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand（表达不错）, which offers an irreplaceable function in educating school children （这个地方最好能具体说一下哪个方面的作用）[在下一句哦其实主题句不一定只要一句的]. Communities are the best classroom for students to learn how to communicate with all kinds of people besides classmates and parents, thus help them to socialize. Also, local schools can hold many welfare activities in communities such as visiting sanitariums of the senior people and orphan houses. Students learn to love and take care of others, which should be （is considered to be）[恩恩这个赞的！] the top purpose of education.

In sum, I firmly believe that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. They play essencial roles in adjusting and supplementing school education carried out by professional educators, teaching children in intellectual, mental and social aspects, all of which cannot be fully achieved without the help of parents and communities. （最后一句太长了，而且最后一个定语从句表达的意思和主句有点重复，建议调整一下拆成两句话）
[我不想拆 5555 觉得读着很通啊。。不过确实意思重复怎么办好呢]

[总之谢谢组长！很犀利的意见哦！]

作者: 加一 时间: 2005-12-20 18:35:46

Education is one of the key issues in modern society. Just as business is promoting our daily living standard, education is promoting the future well-being of the whole society. Therefore, I totally support the author's view that education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.记得好像说尽量不要完全用issue中的词汇，可以换一两个词 Local schools, which constitute an essencial part of education, require involvement of both parents and communities.

Admittedly, professional educators play a central role in the whole process of education, particularly school education. School education is uniform and regulated, where is the right stage for the knowlege and vocational training of professional educators. They draw out and put in practice school regulations, set up curricula for different grades of students based on their expected level and make plans for teaching, evaluation and extracurricular activities. However, few of their daily obligations involve fave-to-face communication with students, which may ruin the effects of their planning and execution. For example, the planned curriculum load may be too heavy for students to endure, but without a system to adjust it, the professional educators still insist to carry out the plan relying solely on their own professional assumptions. Such case will be detrimental, since students may be fed up with endless information offered in various kinds of fields, or they study so hard to meet the standard that their health may be ruined. It is in such cases that parents and communities need to offer help to supplement and adjust teaching activities in local schools.

Parents are a major force to supplement and adjust the planning and teaching of professional educators in local schools. For one thing, parents are good assistants of the educators in teaching the students. They can supervise and urge their children to study when they are back home. Also, they can give their children extra knowlege about life besides what they have leant in school. For another thing, parents can adjust the teaching of educators when it is not suitable for their children. Living together and sharing similar genes,这块用词相当到位 parents know their children better than all professional educators, regardless of how excellent the educators are. Parents will consider whether the curriculum fits their children, and if not, they are ready to discuss with the educators to see if any modifications can be made. Even though the uniform standard may not be changed, parents can still set personal goals for their children which best develop their potential. Moreover, parents can keep and eye on the mental health of their children. Since they are sensitive to the feelings of their children, if worry or frustration shadows their children, they are the first to come and cheer them up.

Only parents' help is not enough. Local schools still need communities' hand, which offers an irreplaceable function in educating school children. Communities are the best classroom for students to learn how to communicate with all kinds of people besides classmates and parents, thus help them to socialize. Also, local schools can hold many welfare activities in communities such as visiting sanitariums of the senior people and orphan houses. Students learn to love and take care of others, which should be the top purpose of education.

In sum, I firmly believe that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. They play essencial roles in adjusting and supplementing school education carried out by professional educators, teaching children in intellectual, mental and social aspects, all of which cannot be fully achieved without the help of parents and communities.

azalea的长句确实非常经典，句式变换也不少，读起来相当顺畅，羡慕一下先:)
感觉第四段相对于第二段好像过短了一点，其实教师那块似乎没有必要论证太多。

其实在说家长与孩子交流上比教师有优势这个问题上，我还是有点想法。毕竟国外的家庭里普遍孩子较多，大约1个家长两个孩吧。而他们的老师却相对较多，而且每个老师都几乎都了解每个孩子。而且老师的任务就是和孩子有效沟通，这种专职的教育可能会在墨各方面上比家长更有效。

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)