Argument147 Tina小组作业！强烈欢迎互拍!(Tina)

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

Arg147
提纲：
1.        调查是否可靠
2.        销售量下降能说明一定的问题
3.        广告不一定有效，和很快产生作用
4.       
In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games will have a great leap in the amounts of selling in the next few months. To substantiate his conclusion he points out that a recent survey has give a convincing support that many players especially the age between 10 to 25, who prefer games than any other group of age particularly in the lifelike graphics, will take a liking to it. After a careful examination of this argument, I found this argument suffers from at least four flaws.

Most obviously, the validity of the author's survey is doubtful. It lacks the information about the number of people surveyed, as well as the respondents, let alone the proportion of the players in the whole statistics. If 500 people are surveyed and only 23 responded, the conclusion that player prefer video games with lifelike graphics than traditional one would be highly suspect. Because the arguer gives us no more evidence that would rule out these possibilities, the results of this survey is in sufficient and unstable.

In addition, the figures of past two years have shown us that the sales of Whirlwind are in decline. I think this may explain there are some problems existing in our company, for example we are producing the wrong games or our strategies might not be correct or it's also possible that our advertisement is not attractive including the feeble slogan. In this sense, even if the survey is sound and we can count on, it's far more to say that our company will be prosperous in just a few months.

Still provided that the survey is reliable that although the people is investigated has a liking for graphics and have more advanced computers, we could not infer it on a larger scale. Firstly, for most people they like graphics and it does not mean definitely that they will choose our productions from many competitive. Secondly that even if they like our video programs it proves no evidence that they will buy our games provided there are no other company produce such games. Perhaps they prefer to play games on the website and even in bars of web. It's possible that they have a computer and play games at home and do like to buy our production, while may be their computers is  not competent in running our games.

Finally, the advertisement may be not effective because it is directed at people between ages 10 to 25, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, this age group is more interested in the motors races or the games of other kind. It appears reasonable that more and more the mid-aged become addicted to the games to release their pressure while some seniors after their retirement are also fond of video games. If so, the targets of this ad may be wrong and it can't act well as predicted.

Overall, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer's claim. To make this argument more acceptable, the arguer should provide more information concerning that how the survey goes and the advertisement goes. Still, we have a clear mind that it takes a long time to find the influences on the people even if it's correct in choosing targets.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-3-5 17:48 编辑 ]

adamkUID: 2143578

楼主的文章我看了，在语言上没有什么问题，argument本来就有很多固定的东西，建议去看下Isicn的文章，我们的共同的毛病在于找到了问题但分析的不够，我感觉Isicn这点做的很好。

cathykkUID: 198671

偶也来改改吧 ：）
组员今天到的不齐啊
In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games will have a great leap in the amounts of selling in the next few months. To substantiate his conclusion he points out that a recent survey has give a convincing support that many players especially the age between 10 to 25, who prefer games than any other group of age particularly in the lifelike graphics, will take a liking to it. After a careful examination of this argument 有点多余, I found this argument suffers from at least four flaws.为了表明你把全部错误都找到了这个at least还是小心用为好

Most obviously, the validity of the author's survey is doubtful. It lacks the information about the number of people surveyed指的是参加survey的人吗？可以用那个population, as well as the respondents, let alone the proportion of the players in the whole statistics. If 500 people are surveyed and only 23 responded, the conclusion that player prefer video games with lifelike graphics than traditional one would be highly suspect. Because the arguer gives us no more evidence that would rule out these possibilities, the results of this survey is in sufficient（insufficient） and unstable.

In addition, the figures of past two years have shown us that the sales of Whirlwind are in decline. I think this may explain the reason way there are some problems existing in our company, for example we are producing the wrong games or our strategies might not be correct or it's also possible that our advertisement is not attractive including the feeble slogan. In this sense, even if the survey is sound and we can count on, it's far more to say that our company will be prosperous in just a few months.

Still provided that the survey is reliable that although the people is investigated has a liking for graphics and have more advanced computers, we could not infer it on a larger scale. 句子好复杂although怪怪的Firstly, for most people they like graphics and it does not mean definitely that they will choose our productions from many competitive. Secondly that even if they like our video programs it proves no evidence that they will buy our games provided there are no other company（－ies） produce such games. Perhaps they prefer to play games on the website and even in bars of web（Net cafe/Internet cafe感觉地道点）. It's possible that they have a computer and play games at home and do like to buy our production, while may be their computers is  not competent in running our games.

Finally, the advertisement may be not effective because it is directed at people between ages 10 to 25, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, this age group is more interested in the motors races or the games of other kind. It appears reasonable that more and more the mid-aged become addicted to the games to release their pressure while some seniors after their retirement are also fond of video games. If so, the targets of this ad may be wrong and it can't act well as predicted.

Overall, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence（s） cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer's claim. To make this argument more acceptable, the arguer should provide more information concerning that how the survey goes去掉 and the advertisement goes. Still, we have a clear mind that it takes a long time to find the influences on the people even if it's correct in choosing targets.

总的说来还论述的很全面，偶是找不了这么多错误的
那个ARGUMENT就应该这样写的帖子我觉得还不错推荐看
按逻辑错误大小批显得结构会比较合理:vomit:不过还不容易啊
最后批EVEN IF[前提]成立[结论]也不一定成立比较合适

coralwuUID: 2101200

呵呵,有人改过了,我再去看看别人的..

lslcnUID: 2106607

Arg147 Tina小组作业！强烈欢迎互拍!(Tina)

Arg147
提纲：
1.        调查是否可靠
2.        销售量下降能说明一定的问题
3.        广告不一定有效，和很快产生作用
4.        
In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games will have a great leap（这个短语好） in the amounts of selling in the next few months. To substantiate his conclusion he points out that a recent survey has give a convincing（这个词删掉） support that many players especially the age between 10 to 25, who prefer games than any other group of age particularly in the lifelike graphics, will take a liking to it. After a careful examination of this argument, I found this argument suffers from at least four flaws.

Most obviously, the validity of the author's survey is doubtful. It lacks the information about the number of people surveyed, as well as the respondents, let alone the proportion of the players in the whole statistics. If 500 people are surveyed and only 23 responded, the conclusion that player prefer video games with lifelike graphics than traditional one would be highly suspect. Because the arguer gives us no more evidence that would rule out these possibilities, the results of this survey is in sufficient and unstable.（这个放在第一段不是很合适，我觉得应该把主要问题放在前面）

In addition, the figures of past two years have shown us that the sales of Whirlwind are in decline. I think this may explain there are some problems existing in our company, for example we are producing the wrong games or our strategies might not be correct or it's also possible that our advertisement is not attractive including the feeble slogan. In this sense, even if the survey is sound and we can count on, it's far more to say that our company will be prosperous in just a few months.

Still provided that the survey is reliable that although the people is investigated has a liking for graphics and have more advanced computers, we could not infer it on a larger scale. Firstly, for most people they like graphics and it does not mean definitely that they will choose our productions from many competitive. Secondly that even if they like our video programs it proves no evidence that they will buy our games provided there are no other company produce such games. Perhaps they prefer to play games on the website and even in bars of web. It's possible that they have a computer and play games at home and do like to buy our production, while may be their computers is  not competent in running our games.（这段分析得比较细，赞）

Finally, the advertisement may be not effective because it is directed at people between ages 10 to 25, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, this age group is more interested in the motors races or the games of other kind. It appears reasonable that more and more the mid-aged become addicted to the games to release their pressure while some seniors after their retirement are also fond of video games. If so, the targets of this ad may be wrong and it can't act well as predicted.（这段的分析应该加it is possible that…不然是没有根据的）

Overall, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer's claim. To make this argument more acceptable, the arguer should provide more information concerning that how the survey goes and the advertisement goes. Still, we have a clear mind that it takes a long time to find the influences on the people even if it's correct in choosing targets.
总的来说，问题都找到了，思路也很清晰，但是在具体分析的时候要注意用词和说法的严谨，本来就是在批驳别人的不严谨，要是自己说得都不严谨了，那怎么能让人信服呢？

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

谢谢你，说得很有道理
我的问题逻辑不严谨，句型单一，词汇也不够丰富。
毛病太多，期待进一步的提高……