issue71 求互拍

20material07UID: 2163072

欢迎互拍，同主题或不同主题都可，有拍必回，用砖拍我者，我必回之以水泥井盖。

Issue 71. spending time alone makes one a better companion to others.

中心：对待这个问题，要具体问题具体分析，对不同的人情况不同。
提纲：
1．对一些喜欢热闹，习惯扎堆的人，这样的建议是有好处的。独处的时间，可以让他们认识自己，发现自己的优点和缺点，在与人合作交流时更加宽容，大度。
2．对一些太过于孤独的人，这样的建议当然是雪上加霜。只有更多的与人交流，才能使他们不至于因过久的自闭失去与人交流的能力。

字数：677， 时间：1小时。汗ing.
自己已改过一遍，中间有些打括号的词表示改的时候觉得可能更适合的词，也想听听高人的意见。还有请多指教文章的结构和思路是否合理，有没有致命错误或缺陷，谢谢了。

The issue (sentence）contains a comparative word that is "better", which means to compare with the other cases. So(in that) first of all, we must make a precise interpretation of the issue, and that is--Spending  more time alone than one's before can make a person a better companion to others. In this sense, I would argue that whether it is true largely depends on the original caliber of the person.

On one hand, to a person who has paid a lot of time on participating assemblies, playing with many people and being accustomed to work, speculate and debate with mass(in public), to spend more time with oneself, just as the theme means, will undoubtedly do good to make him/her a better companion. Spending more time alone, the person can start to recall and summarize the past of himself/herself, the relationship with others and the honors and the humiliation suffered by himself/herself, which make him/her think about what is wrong, what is right or which is fault(error) ,which is truth. During the meditation, one can develop one's own value, moral, communicating system and principle. When coming back to the mass(crowd), he/she is able to have(get) a clear and whole view(perspective) about the matters among people, and know what is so crucial that should be kept up and what is trivial that worthy no special attentions. Thus, as a companion of others, some unnecessary and insignificant quarrels can be well prohibited (avoided).

Also, living with oneself alone, one is clearly listening and realizing himself/herself, which seems to be hard when spending too much time with other people. Long being in a community or a party, one may slur some special own thoughts of himself or herself, or even lost himself in the forest of the mankind. To illustrate the view one needs to look no further than a illegal business manners(shift) which sells merchandises by chains of private relationship and(as well as) the evil religion in the world. By contrast, to spend with one self ensure one to knows what he/she is good at and what he/she is not, or what he/she is interested in and what he/she is not. This realization makes a person know the position of himself/herself in a cooperation and prevent himself/herself to be an extremist, who is of course not a welcomed companion. So spending with oneself alone endows one more characteristic and also the comprehension and generosity to others, which is certainly beneficial to be with others.

On the other hand, admittedly, when a person has been living alone for too much time while seems to lose some knowledge and information about how to communicate with others, the recommendation of issue to him/her is equal to deadly poison. As we all know, every person has the nature and demand to communicate with others, to enjoy the happiness of the crowd. Being long isolated with others, after entering a new community, he/she will has a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations to other's meaning, or what he/she takes serious may seem to be insignificant to others at all. In this case, the individual inevitably become a discord companion with people ,or even suffer a confusion. To a extreme sense, for example, one can find the paradigm in the famous film "Rain man" and some famous persons in history such as Nash, the father of a new economic theory. Having genius and special ideas, however, they are absolutely not a good companion at all for lacking some basic skills and commonsense for a effective communication. To this type of people, instead of encouraging loneliness, we should best spur them to share their times with other individuals, if better collaboration they need.

From the above considerations and analysis, spontaneously, comes the synthesis that, for a better companion, one must make a better balance on the times spared individually and with others. One needs single spending times, as to know oneself better and calm oneself down, at the same time, one needs gregarious times, as to know other persons better and learn the languages for communicating.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-3-28 00:44 编辑 ]

20material07UID: 2163072

呵呵，好让大家看到。

jishuguang80UID: 2187329

你好，我对你的文章有以下几点愚见：
1. 第二段，“on one hand”你应该是想表达一方面，另一方面。我们比较熟悉的是“one hand,,,,,,on the other hand.....”。你这样也可以，不过字典上是以“on the one hand,,,,, on the other (hand)”出现的你是不是少了一个THE. 可能别人会象你那样用但是牛津字典上还是有the的；
2. 当你想要表达和谁玩的时候最好不用PLAY，因为他有MAKE LOVE的意思，可以尝试换一个词；
3.第二段倒数第二行，what is trivial that worthy no special attentions好像worthy前面少了个系动词吧！
4. 此外，你写作的特点是长句子用的很多，而且是连着用，这的确是你的优势，但是，好的文章应该是长短句相间的，富有节奏感。 段落也一样，该换段的时候就另起一段。
我也是新人，不对的地方请各位指正。

20material07UID: 2163072

非常感谢jishuguang80的意见，你的建议真的很到位，而且很细心，对一些细节也很严谨。真的非常感谢，特别是第四条建议有一种被看了之后有一种豁然开朗的感觉。期望继续帮我改以后的作文，如果你有作文，我也一定帮改，谢谢了，祝好运。

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

我来看看

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

The issue (sentence我觉得用issue不错了) contains a comparative word that is "better", which means to compare with the other cases. So(in that) first of all, we must make a precise interpretation of the issue, and that is--Spending  more time alone than one's before can make a person a better companion to others. In this sense, I would argue that whether it is true largely depends on the original caliber(lz的这个单词caliber的用法能否指教下小弟？) of the person.(如果从语言上说，第二句话的first of all在后文中应该有一个呼应的单词，比如你用个什么then啊之类的)

On one hand, to a person who has paid a lot of time on participating assemblies, playing with many people and being accustomed to work, speculate and debate with mass(in public意思的表达还是with mass好，不过in public在结构上看起来舒服点), to spend more time with oneself, just as the theme means, will undoubtedly do good to make him/her a better companion. (这句话的句式搭配不错！)Spending more time alone, the person can start to recall and summarize the past of himself/herself, the relationship with others and the honors and the humiliation suffered by himself/herself, which make him/her think about what is wrong, what is right or which is fault(error看看这个词怎么样：paralogism) ,which is truth. During the meditation, one can develop one's own value, moral, communicating system and principle. When coming back to the mass(crowd), he/she is able to have(get) a clear and whole view(perspective) about the matters among people, and know what is so crucial that should be kept up and what is trivial that worthy(这个应该是worths吧，动词！) no special attentions. Thus, as a companion of others, some unnecessary and insignificant quarrels can be well prohibited (avoided还是括号里的好，prohibit有强制的意思).(he/she改成he or she，总觉得he/she有点象说明书的味道。。。)

Also, living with oneself alone, one is clearly listening(考虑换个词) and realizing himself/herself, which seems to be hard when spending too much time with other people. Long being in a community or a party, one may slur some special own(这个own多余) thoughts of himself or herself, or even lost himself in the forest of the mankind. To illustrate the view one needs to look no further than a illegal business manners(shift) which sells merchandises by chains of private relationship and(as well as) the evil religion in the world.(这句话没看懂。。。-_-!) By contrast, to spend with one self ensure(改成ensures) one to knows(to后面的是原形，注意！) what he/she is good at and what he/she is not, or what he/she is interested in and what he/she is not. This realization makes a person know the position of himself/herself in a cooperation and prevent(改成prevents) himself/herself to be an extremist, who is of course not a welcomed companion. So spending with oneself alone endows one more characteristic and also the comprehension and generosity to others, which is certainly beneficial to be with others(按照你的意思，staying alone对于某人在团体相处也是有好处的，那么这句话该这么说：beneficial to to be with others或者beneficial to being with others). (我觉得lz可能误会了意思了,spending time alone应该不是living alone的意思吧,遣词造句还是琢磨下比较好,这个就像alone和lonely的区别差不多)

On the other hand, admittedly, when a person has been living alone for too much time while(这个while用的不对吧,应该是who) seems to lose some knowledge and information about how to communicate with others, the recommendation of issue to him/her is equal to deadly poison. As we all know, every person has the nature and demand to communicate with others, to enjoy the happiness of the crowd.(这句话虽然语法没问题,但是我觉得论证上存在问题,天生的性格孤僻虽然不多,但是也不少啊??) Being long isolated with others, after entering a new community, he/she will has(呵呵,will has是用法？汗一个！) a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations to other's meaning, or what he/she takes serious may seem to be insignificant to others at all(or后面这半句是画蛇添足！). In this case, the individual (这里应该加一个would，无论是语法还是语气角度) inevitably become a discord companion with people ,or(应该用and，使语气更进一步) even suffer a confusion. To a extreme sense, for example, one can find the paradigm in the famous film "Rain man" and some famous persons in history such as Nash, the father of a new economic theory. Having genius and special ideas, however, they are absolutely not a good companion at all for lacking some basic skills and commonsense for a(应该是an) effective communication. To this type of people, instead of encouraging loneliness, we should best spur them to share their times(times并不是指很多时间，而是时代次数的意思，lz要注意了，词语不能随意用) with other individuals, if(这里不是如果不如果的问题，是这种例子中的人肯定是需要这样的交流的，所以这句话多余) better collaboration they need.

From the above(above是后置定语，不能后置) considerations and analysis, spontaneously, comes the synthesis that, for a better companion, one must make a better balance on the times spared individually and with others. One needs single spending times, as to know oneself better and calm oneself down,(没发现这里少个连词吗，and或者while)at the same time, one needs gregarious times, as to know other persons better and learn the languages for communicating.


lz要注意，交流和独处不一定是客观上的，所以living alone和thinking alone有区别！
总体不错，因为lz自己修改过，所以我看得也比较细，有些意见可能有点偏，不好意思！