Issue83 <米国有米第10次作业>

aefiterUID: 2134740

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 609          TIME: 0:40:52          DATE: 2007-1-19


缺点：开头和结尾太长了，实际内容有限。

1 政府保护密集的居住区。
2 偏远的地区。
3 是preserve, 而不是"保护"。
4 政府的作用。

Two perspectives contribute to the governmental role in preserve publicly owned wilderness areas. As natural environment is becoming more and more critical to industrialized societies, any society cannot neglect the disasters caused by environmental destruction; in addition, only government can organize in a macroscopic level the various resources of the society in the pursuit of environmental protection. Although civil organizations could sometimes submit petition to the government about their concern about artificial destruction of environment, effective and powerful policies and punishment must be enacted by the government. As a result, I fundamentally agree with the speaker in this statement.

Publicly owned wilderness areas function in a direct way to human lives. As wilderness areas in populated region of human beings are frequently naturally preserved areas, these areas will provide a balance to the climate surrounding populated areas. To combat for the aggravating pollution to human living surroundings, many cities, states, or nations would construct forest parks among heavily populated areas. Scientific research and the practice reflected by various national parks scattered in the territory of United States is a persuasive argument.

Although remote areas are not frequently accessed by common people, this does not mean wilderness area in remote area is of no use to human beings. From a global perspective, the overall climate of the earth is adjusted delicately by these wilderness lands. Global climate pattern is closely interrelated with each other. The Brazil rain forest, which is figured as the lung of mother earth, shows us how global level protection of wilderness areas mean significant to other parts of the earth. Although these areas are remote and few people will directly experience the benefit of these protective activities, the whole species of human beings benefit from the catharsis by rain forest in Brazil.

As the environment-related protection of our earth has penetrated into our mind recently, the manner of this protection, i.e., whether to preserve those lands artificially or just to leave it in natural state, is under heated debate. As some people many point out the great benefit to protect wilderness area by human interference, the action of preservation is more appropriate to the well-being of humankind and the earth as well. For instance, the Tibet antelopes in China enjoy their unique life style. Although artificial protection, such as human feeding on this species, may protect some individual antelope from provisional threat of death, this protection will endanger their instincts to live independently in the wilderness areas. This protection will finally lead to the extinction of one species from the earth.

Finally, the role of government in the protection of wilderness areas is not substitutable. Compared with voluntarily organized groups in the society committed to protect some natural locations, governmental forces will determine the success or failure of their works. In fact, many non-governmental organizations work mainly through their petition to the government. They may collect viewpoints from the public, and persuade the massive public to join together to suppress on the government, the final decision, which can be effective in the long run, can only be made by the government.

From the analysis above, we arrive at the conclusion that government plays an indispensable role in the preservation of wilderness areas. Whether these areas provide balance function to the local or global environment, or are inhabited by endangered wild lives that possess boundless values to human beings, wilderness areas should be protected regardless of their location. Furthermore, to make this protection effective, governmental participation of the preservation is vital. Although various forces in the society should join together for this protection, government can exert inexorable force to secure the implementation of protection activity.

ernest81888UID: 2247639

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 609          TIME: 0:40:52          DATE: 2007-1-19


缺点：开头和结尾太长了，实际内容有限。

1 政府保护密集的居住区。
2 偏远的地区。
3 是preserve, 而不是"保护"。
4 政府的作用。

Two perspectives contribute to the governmental role in preserve publicly owned wilderness areas. As natural environment is becoming more and more critical to industrialized societies, any society cannot neglect the disasters caused by environmental destruction; in addition, only government can organize in a macroscopic level the various resources of the society in the pursuit of environmental protection.(我水平有限,不过我觉得这句话语法上有点问题) Although civil organizations could sometimes submit petition to the government about their concern about artificial destruction of environment, effective and powerful policies and punishment must be enacted by the government. As a result, I fundamentally agree with the speaker in this statement.

第一段感觉你说的太玄了,我觉得逻辑上有点问题,比如你那句Although civil organizations could......effective and powerful policies and punishment must....,你是在强调政府应该制定法律来保护环境.这么一来,我会觉得你下面会说政府为什么要制定法律,制定法律对保护荒地有什么帮助等.继续往下看.

Publicly owned wilderness areas function in a direct way to human lives. As wilderness areas in populated region of human beings are frequently naturally preserved areas, these areas will provide a balance to the climate surrounding populated areas. To combat for the aggravating pollution to human living surroundings, many cities, states, or nations would construct forest parks among heavily populated areas. Scientific research and the practice reflected by various national parks scattered in the territory of United States is a persuasive argument. (帮你翻译一下,你看对不对---散布在美国各个地域的国家公园反映了,科学研究和实践是一个值得信服的论断.我找不到逻辑了,你是不是想说各地的国家公园证实了这个说法)


Although remote areas are not frequently accessed by common people, this does not mean wilderness area in remote area is of no use (useless)to human beings. From a global perspective, the overall climate of the earth is adjusted delicately by these wilderness lands.(+And) Global climate pattern is closely interrelated with each other.(Regional climate pattern is closely interralated with each other) The Brazil rain forest, which is figured as the lung of mother earth, shows us how global level protection of wilderness areas mean significant to other parts of the earth. Although these areas are remote and few people will directly experience the benefit of these protective activities,(少部分的人会在保护措施中取得好处与后面一句话逻辑对立,可以稍微改下) the whole species of human beings benefit from the catharsis by rain forest in Brazil.

这段我感觉你写的很好,但是可能你写的太快了,有些想说的话,写的太急了,所以逻辑有一点点问题.但是例子举的很好,不错

As the environment-related protection of our earth has penetrated into our mind recently, the manner of this protection, i.e., whether to preserve those lands artificially or just to leave it in natural state, is under heated debate. As some people many(may) point out the great benefit to protect wilderness area by(from) human interference, the action of preservation is more appropriate to the well-being of humankind and the earth as well. For instance, the Tibet antelopes in China enjoy their unique life style. Although artificial protection, such as human feeding on this species, may protect some individual antelope from provisional threat of(饿死吧,不是吓死,starve to) death, this protection will endanger their instincts to live independently in the wilderness areas. This protection will finally lead to the extinction of one species from the earth.

Tibet antelopes例子不错,但是你这个层次我感觉太难写了.要从荒地的保护讲到不能一般的呵护荒地里的动物.不看提纲,我会觉得你偏题了

Finally, the role of government in the protection of wilderness areas is not substitutable. Compared with voluntarily organized groups in the society committed to protect some natural locations, governmental forces will determine the success or failure of their works. In fact, many non-governmental organizations work mainly through their petition to the government. They may collect viewpoints from the public, and persuade the massive public to join together to suppress on the government, the final decision, which can be effective in the long run, can only be made by the government.

观点不错,强调只有政府才能决定.但最后因该加句总结,说明政府更需要对环境做良好的规划统筹.这样这段就饱满了.

From the analysis above, we arrive at the conclusion that government plays an indispensable role in the preservation of wilderness areas. Whether these areas provide balance function to the local or global environment, or are inhabited by endangered wild lives that possess boundless values to human beings, wilderness areas should be protected regardless of their location. Furthermore, to make this protection effective, governmental participation of the preservation is vital. Although various forces in the society should join together for this protection, government can exert inexorable force to secure the implementation of protection activity.

总结,这篇文章看下来,似乎有点偏,如果文章的题目是,政府对保护荒地起着只管重要的因素,个人或社会组织并不能有效的保护.那文章讲的就很有道理.你快考了.我觉得你的水平已经到了,但这篇文章写的可能比较急,没有好好构思,希望你能重新写一篇.加油
另外,语法的问题,我也是个菜鸟.就不一一点出,作者也要注意.你可是饱受BLUE推荐的人哦....呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 ernest81888 于 2007-1-20 00:50 编辑 ]

aefiterUID: 2134740

从1月7日后有10多天没写，昨天一口气写了三篇，确实质量不佳，

至于提纲我参照了以前自己写的。这题的government作用一段，是想多角度，但这样就容易脱节，有偏题的危险。

那个few就是否定的意思了，这有点不像话了 ;d:

最后，blue是谁呀？我的水平还差呢？

ernest81888UID: 2247639

bulecatchy,你现在是她的偶像了,哈哈

cckantUID: 2247822

wilderness的直译是荒原或者野地，我在写的时候也不清楚包不包括森林。本来想把他当作不包括森林会保险点的，不过后来想不包括森林的话难写很多，所以就不管那么多了。

后来发现其实是对的，wilderness包括自然森林，不包括人造林。 Wikipedia 维基百科上对wilderness的定义是：

Wilderness is generally defined as a natural environment on Earth that has not been modified by human activity. Ecologists consider wilderness areas to be an integral part of the planet's self-sustaining natural ecosystem。

相关资料有：

Conservation vs. preservation

Two opposing factions had emerged within the environmental movement by the early 20th century: the conservationists and the preservationists. The conservationists (such as Gifford Pinchot) focused on the proper use of nature, whereas the preservationists (like Muir) sought the protection of nature from use.

cckantUID: 2247822

Issue83 <米国有米第10次作业>
TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 609          TIME: 0:40:52          DATE: 2007-1-19


缺点：开头和结尾太长了，实际内容有限。

1 政府保护密集的居住区。
2 偏远的地区。
3 是preserve, 而不是"保护"。
4 政府的作用。

Two perspectives contribute to the governmental role in preserve publicly owned wilderness areas. 这句不错As natural environment is becoming more and more critical to industrialized societies, any society cannot neglect the disasters caused by environmental destruction; in addition, only government can organize in a macroscopic level the various resources of the society in the pursuit of environmental protection(only government can organize various social resources, in macroscopic level, to pursue the environmental protection). Although civil organizations could sometimes submit petition to the government about their concern about artificial destruction of environment, effective and powerful policies and punishment must be enacted by the government. 这个让步句似乎不太有力，民间请愿，政府应而施行政策很合理啊As a result, I fundamentally agree with the speaker in this statement.

Publicly owned wilderness areas function in a direct way to human lives. As wilderness areas in populated region of human beings are frequently naturally preserved areas, these areas will provide a balance to the climate surrounding populated areas.(根据定义wilderness areas应该是没有人居住的，所以应改为wilderness areas surrounding the populous regions) To combat for(fight for or struggle with{combat 一般指肉体的格斗}) the aggravating pollution to human living surroundings, many cities, states, or nations would construct forest parks among heavily populated areas. Scientific research and the practice reflected by various national parks scattered in the territory of United States is a persuasive argument.

Although remote areas are not frequently accessed by common people, this (it) does not mean wilderness area in remote area is of no use to human beings. From a global perspective, the overall climate of the earth is adjusted delicately by these wilderness lands. Global climate pattern is closely interrelated with each other. The Brazil rainforest (Amazon rainforest?), which is figured as the lung of (our) mother earth, shows us how global (level) protection of wilderness areas mean (is) significant to other parts of the earth. Although these areas are remote and few people will directly experience (remarkably conceive) the benefit of these protective activities, the whole species of human beings benefit from the catharsis (purification) by rainforest in Brazil.

As the environment-related protection of our earth has penetrated into our mind recently, the manner of this protection, i.e., whether to preserve those lands artificially or just to leave it in natural state, is under heated debate. As some people many(may) point out the great benefit to protect wilderness area by human interference, the action of preservation is more appropriate to the well-being of humankind and the earth as well. For instance, the Tibet antelopes in China enjoy their unique life style. Although artificial protection, such as human feeding on this species, may protect some individual antelope from provisional threat of death, this protection will endanger their instincts to live independently in the wilderness areas. This protection will finally lead to the extinction of one species from the earth. 呵呵，我本来也想用藏羚羊被大量猎杀的例子的，不过不会拼antelope，只好写非洲大象了，结果还是拼错，：(

这个观点不错，只是表达得不是很清晰，我是看玩了才了解整段的意思

Finally, the role of government in the protection of wilderness areas is not substitutable. Compared with voluntarily organized groups in the society committed to protect some natural locations, governmental forces will determine the success or failure of their works. In fact, many non-governmental organizations work mainly through their petition to the government. They may collect viewpoints from the public, and persuade the massive public to join together to suppress on the government, the final decision, which can be effective in the long run, can only be made by the government. 这段不错 补充一下 government possesses the monopolistic power in legislation, judicature and enforcing laws on one hand, and the dominant influence in education on the other. Thus, government plays a irreplaceable role in environmental preservation.

From the analysis above, we arrive at the conclusion that government plays an indispensable role in the preservation of wilderness areas. Whether these areas provide balanced function (function in balance for the local and global environment) to the local or global environment, or are inhabited by endangered wild lives that possess boundless(unmeasurable) values to human beings, (whether … or …后面应该接depends或者is determined by。。这类的吧，不然和后面的分句脱节了) wilderness areas should be protected regardless of their location. Furthermore, to make this protection effective, governmental participation of the preservation is vital. Although various forces in the society should join together for this protection, government can exert inexorable force to secure the implementation of protection activity.

Summary comment:
1.        如果把文中所有有关环境的概念换作wilderness areas，或者突出wilderness 在整个环境中的主导因素，文章会更加切题
2.        词汇很丰富，但要注意个别词语的使用
3.        语言应力求简练
4.        例子丰富有力，只是有些稍嫌张开不足
5.        互勉，Cheer Up！