TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS: 490 TIME: 上午 12:45:00(第一次限时成功) DATE: 2007-2-7
I strongly agree with the speaker's point of view that education is so important that not only professional educators, but parents and communities must be involved in the local schools, in that education is not only to teach children to learn to know, but to learn to be and learn to do as well.
First of all, the purpose of education to teach children to learn to be requires parents attention to their children. Although children spend most of their time in schools learning academic knowledge, their personality and characteristic is determined to a large extent by their parents. Besides the study process in schools, under most occasions children are with their parents, they eat together, live together, talk with each other everyday, and generally, children will show their inner mind to their parents, that is the point. That is to say, it is parents who can know the inner world of their children and in this case, and who can easily influence children, by which to shape the children's personality.
Secondly, it is necessary for communities to be involved in local schools by making efforts to socialize children. Here "socialize" has two meanings, one is to provide children with opportunity of practicing in the real world, making them to get out of the Ivory Tower of academic world; The other is to cultivate the ability of children to interact and cooperate with others, to learn how to communicate with others, and also to learn to bear responsibilities. It can be well illustrated by the practice in winter and summer holiday, which will offer them chance to apply what they've learnt to practice. Besides, once I read a report on the Internet in which a survey conducted throughout America was displayed, which showed that an average American students contributes two times in the volunteer work once a week, by which we should be vigorated.
However, there may exist some trivial problems if both parents and community take steps in the education of students besides professional educators. As we all know, the meaning educators assigned to education is probably different from the meaning parents and community assigned to it. Educators lead education to the prupose of making children well grasp the knowledge, while parents may think it is more important to perfect children's characteristic, meanwhile, communities persist that more responsibility should be taken by children, the different objective will cause different guide to students, which will make them confused as well as lack of aim. Therefore, the balance of each side should be considered when faced the education.
In sum, in light of diversified education objectives, it is not enough only to leave the responsibility of children's education to educators, parents and communities also play an important role if we want to raise children well-around. Children who have specific knowledge, but who is deficient in their personality as well as inability to get into society is not the ideal people the society need.作者: lrih 时间: 2007-2-11 19:50:30
I strongly agree with the speaker's point of view that education is so important that not only professional educators, but parents and communities must be involved in the local schools, in that education is not only to teach children to learn to know, but to learn to be and learn to do as well.[effective of education: learn to know, learn to do, learn to be, learn to get together马上就用上了呵，为了跟下面的socialize相呼应，最好把learn to get together添上]
First of all, the purpose of education to teach children to learn to be requires parents [to pay]attention to their children. Although children spend most of their time in schools learning academic knowledge, their personality and characteristic is [are] determined to a large extent by their parents. Besides the study process in schools, under most occasions [circumstances]children are with their parents, they eat together, live together, talk with each other everyday, and generally, children will show their inner mind to their parents, that is the point[个人觉得换key更好点]. That is to say, it is parents who can know the inner world of their children and in this case, and who can [去掉使意思更清楚，后面by which也好理解些]easily influence children, by which to shape the children's personality. [句式杂糅，能不能改得清楚点]
Secondly, it is necessary for communities to be involved in local schools by making efforts to socialize children. Here "socialize" has two meanings, one is to provide children with opportunity of practicing in the real world, making them to get out of the Ivory Tower of academic world; The other is to cultivate the ability of children to interact and cooperate with others, to learn how to communicate with others, and also to learn to bear responsibilities. [socialize这里论述挺好的，看来作者用心去积累了不少相关素材]It can be well illustrated by the practice in winter and summer holiday, which will offer them chance to apply what they've learnt to practice. Besides, once I read a report on the Internet in which a survey conducted throughout America was displayed, which showed that an average American students contributes two times in the volunteer work once a week, by which we should be vigorated.[句式杂糅，而且这个例子论证的力度太薄弱，还应该讲清楚一周两次社区志愿工作给美国学生带来socialization的好处，光we should be vigorated 不能说明什么问题]
However, there may exist some trivial problems if both parents and community take steps in the education of students besides professional educators. As we all know, the meaning educators assigned to education is probably different from the meaning parents and community assigned to it. Educators lead education to the prupose[purpose] of making children well grasp the knowledge, while parents may think it is more important to perfect children's characteristic[personality], meanwhile, communities persist that more responsibility should be taken by children, the different objective will cause different guide to students, which will make them confused as well as lack of aim. Therefore, the balance of each side should be considered when faced the education.
In sum, in light of diversified education objectives, it is not enough only to leave the responsibility of children's education to educators, [乍一看educators，parents and communities像在并列，加个连词thus断句更清楚些]parents and communities also play an important role if we want to raise children well-around. Children who have specific knowledge, but who is [are] deficient in their personality as well as inability to get into society is [are] not the ideal people the society need.
第一次限时成功就能写出这样好的文章，得向你学习
结构清晰，行文流畅，能引用不少素材，不过须注意句式要清楚，而不是把一堆意思堆砌在一起就行了，还有摆例子一定要围绕中心句论述一下