寄托家园留学论坛

标题: argument143 vivien 4月作文小组3月28日作业 [打印本页]

作者: vivien3773 时间: 2007-3-29 10:56:33 标题: argument143 vivien 4月作文小组3月28日作业

argument143

In this letter, the author conclude that an article in anational newspaper about corporate downsizing in the US provide falseinformation to readers. Because the article gives false impression that afterdownsizing, lots of high qualified employees lost jobs and they can find asuitable job after a long period. To support this assertion, the author cites arecent report on the United States economy (USC) to justify that the impressionprovided by the article in national paper is wrong. As discussed bellow, thisargument suffers from several flaws and is therefore unconvincing.

In the first place, the author builds a false causalrelationship between creating more job opportunities and finding job easily.The author overlooks the possibilities that the number of people who wasunemployed was far more than the number of job vacancies, or enough jobopportunities is provided but these jobs are not fit for unemployed people.Without accounting these possibilities, the author can not asserts that morejob opportunities represent more employment.

In the second place, the assumption that many people wholost jobs have found new employments is insufficient to come to the conclusionthat most unemployed people have found jobs fast. On one hand, "many"is a vague word from which we can not make sure how many percent of unemployedpeople have found jobs. Perhaps the number of people who have found jobs isless than the number of people who not. On the other hand, even most unemployedpeople have found jobs, no evidence prove that they found jobs fast. It isquite possible that after a long period of finding, they had succeeded. Lackingdetailed analysis, it is sheer folly to depend the author's conclusion on thisassumption.

Finally, the author fails to prove that the report of USE is reliable. It is entirely possiblethat USE’s conclusion is depend on imprecise statistical results or forpolitical or other purpose, USE provide false information to people deliberately.Since the author did not ruling out these possibilities and demonstrated USE’s report is convincing, he can not usethis report to justify his conclusion.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is notwell supported. To make this argument more persuasive, the author should providemore concrete evidence to demonstrate that the report of USE is convincing. Tobetter access the argument, the author need to prove that job opportunities issufficient and fit for unemployed people.

作者: oceanus 时间: 2007-3-29 12:49:06

In this letter, the author concludes that an article in a national newspaper about corporate downsizing in the US provide false information to readers. Because the article gives false impression that after downsizing, lots of high qualified employees lost jobs and they can find a suitable job after a long period. To support this assertion, (要是用的话提前一句吧)the author cites a recent report on the United States economy (USC) to justify that the impression provided by the article in national paper is wrong. As discussed bellow, this argument suffers from several flaws and is therefore unconvincing.

In the first place, the author builds a false causal relationship between creating more job opportunities and finding job easily.（过渡不自然，可以加上一句说明有很多的新工作并不代表找工作容易了。） The author overlooks the possibilities that the number of people who was unemployed was far more than the number of job vacancies, or enough job opportunities is provided but these jobs are not fit for unemployed people. Without accounting these possibilities, the author can not asserts that more job opportunities represent more employment.

In the second place（可以考虑换一个连接词）, the assumption that many people who lost jobs have found new employments is insufficient to come to the conclusion that most unemployed people have found jobs fast. On one hand, "many" is a vague word from which we can not make sure how many percent of un employed people have found jobs. Perhaps the number of people who have found jobs is less than the number of people who not. On the other hand, even most unemployed people have found jobs, no evidence proves that they found jobs fast. It is quite possible that after a long period of finding, they had succeeded. Lacking detailed analysis, it is sheer folly to depend the author's conclusion on this assumption.

Finally, the author fails to prove that the report of USE is reliable. It is entirely possible that USE’s conclusion is depend on imprecise statistical results or for political or other purpose, USE provide false information to people deliberately. （还可以论述的更详细一些）Since the author did not ruling out these possibilities and demonstrated USE’s report is convincing, he can not use this report to justify his conclusion.

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is not well supported. To make this argument more persuasive, the author should provide more concrete evidence to demonstrate that the report of USE is convincing. To better access the argument, the author need to prove that job opportunities is sufficient and fit for unemployed people.

首先强烈建议你如果有word的话，写完后放到word里看一下吧，有很多小错误，例如标点符号、单词
其次，我认为要注意各段的逻辑性，可以把第四段提到第二段，然后通过让步把各段联系起来。
纯属个人建议，不足之处请见谅。

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)