TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 643 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2007-8-10
It is undeniable that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state due to that the environment is put into a more and more dangerous condition. However, this is the responsibility of all government from the moral respect. For countries who have not lift their people from starvation or who are suffering from many serious problems such as wide spread of AIDS, the domestic issues should come primarily.
It is the responsibility of every government to protect the wildness area in their natural so that the earth can keep its balance. This is of special importance in today's world, with the situation of global environment becoming more and more dangerous. The loss of rainforest and many other plants have led to more CO2 existing on the earth, thus causing the global warming, with the ice in the Arctic melting as a result. More species of animals have become extinction due to the change of natural environment made by human beings. Moreover, the human desire has expanded to many wildness areas where few people can reach. Nowadays, many elephants in the African plane have been killed by human beings for their ivory. Both the protection of natural state and animals and plants call for the government from every to carry out regulations to preserve the wildness areas.
However, such responsibility is of the moral priority. In fact, for countries that have to deal with a handful of domestic issues cannot and will not spend time on the protection of wildness area. We should keep in mind that the most important responsibility of a government in a country is to promote the development of its country and better the life quality of its people. Nothing would come before this duty. And as we all know, the resources of a government is limited. When there is a conflict between the moral responsibility and the need of its own people, the benefits of its people should come first. How can a country in which its people are still in the condition of starvation to spend a coin on the protection of the wildness area? What the government is to try their best and make use of all available resources to supple food for its people? Thus, the government should protect the public wildness areas, with the satisfaction of its domestic need as a priority.
Furthermore, to a certain extreme, the wildness areas should be exploited if the current lands cannot meet the large population in the future. We should make sure the purpose why we protect the environment and the wildness areas. Because we want to keep the earth a habitable place. We want to keep the existence of human beings. The main purpose is to live. However, if, in the future, we need more areas to keep surviving, otherwise we ourselves will become extinct, and then it is understandable to make use of the wildness areas. After all, we cannot sacrifice ourselves to protect the environment. We maybe develop more technology to clone the extinct animals and can also mimic a habitable environment one day in the future. But if we are becoming extinct ourselves, what the environment is used for? At that time, we and the wildness areas are faced with the selection of the nature. The human beings' being able to survival on the base of the sacrifice the environment can also conform to the natural principle that the species of less superiority will eventually abandoned by the nature.
In sum, to preserve the publicly owned wildness areas in their natural state is only the primary responsibility of the government from the moral respect. Only after the solution of the domestic issues at hand can they devote resources to the public problems. However, when it comes to make a choice between human survival and other events, our survivals always comes first.作者: zhoumax 时间: 2007-8-10 10:46:58
TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 643 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2007-8-10
It is undeniable that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state due to that the environment is put into a more and more dangerous condition. However, this is the responsibility of all government from the moral respect. For countries who have not lift their people from starvation or who are suffering from many serious problems such as wide spread of AIDS, the domestic issues should come primarily.
It is the responsibility of every government to protect the wildness area in their natural so that the earth can keep its balance. This is of special importance in today's world, with the situation of global environment becoming more and more dangerous(环境不可能dangerous,应该是endangered). The loss of rainforest and many other plants have led to more CO2 existing on the earth, thus causing the global warming, with the ice in the Arctic melting as a result. More species of animals have become extinction due to the change of natural environment made by human beings. Moreover, the human desire has expanded to many wildness areas where few people can reach. Nowadays, many elephants in the African plane have been killed by human beings for their ivory. Both the protection of natural state and animals and plants(2个and不好连用吧) call for the government from every to carry out regulations to preserve the wildness areas.
However, such responsibility is of the moral priority. In fact, for countries that have to deal with a handful of domestic issues cannot and will not spend time on the protection of wildness area. We should keep in mind that the most important responsibility of a government in a country is to promote the development of its country and better the life quality of its people. Nothing would come before this duty. And as we all know, the resources of a government is limited. When there is a conflict between the moral responsibility and the need of its own people, the benefits of its people should come first. How can a country in which its people are still in the condition of starvation to spend a coin on the protection of the wildness area? What the government is to try their best and make use of all available resources to supple food for its people? (这句没看懂....what...is to??)Thus, the government should protect the public wildness areas, with the satisfaction of its domestic need as a priority.
Furthermore, to a certain extreme, the wildness areas should be exploited if the current lands cannot meet the large population in the future. We should make sure the purpose why we protect the environment and the wildness areas. Because we want to keep the earth a habitable place. We want to keep the existence of human beings. The main purpose is to live. However, if, in the future, we need more areas to keep surviving, otherwise we ourselves will become extinct, and then it is understandable to make use of the wildness areas. After all, we cannot sacrifice ourselves to protect the environment. We maybe develop more technology to clone the extinct animals and can also mimic a habitable environment one day in the future. But if we are becoming extinct ourselves, what the environment is used for? At that time, we and the wildness areas are faced with the selection of the nature. The human beings' being(两个being有点重复,前面可以用mankind) able to survival on the base of the sacrifice the environment can also conform to the natural principle that the species of less superiority will eventually abandoned by the nature.(你是想说自然法则最后会导致弱势的一方会被淘汰?那么现在其它所有动物都是弱势,是不是它们都要被淘汰?你是想说如果没有人,环境有什么用,但是没有了动植物,人活着又有什么意思?)
In sum, to preserve the publicly owned wildness areas in their natural state is only the primary responsibility of the government from the moral respect. Only after the solution of the domestic issues at hand can they devote resources to the public problems. However, when it comes to make a choice between human survival and other events, our survivals always comes first.
比较新奇的观点,但是感觉这么不好写,一个重要的问题就是,你没有对题目后面一半作出回应"even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."你只回应了前半句,政府应不应该保护环境, 你觉得呢, 个人看法,语言比较流畅,但是都是长句子,应该稍微主要一下长短搭配.
issue83 请大家指教 欢迎留链互拍
TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."
WORDS: 643 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2007-8-10
好长啊………….
It is undeniable that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state due to that the environment is put into a more and more dangerous condition. However,（上下二个句子没有转折的意思啊） this is the responsibility of all government from the moral respect. （不明白）For countries who have not lift their people from starvation or who are suffering from many serious problems such as wide spread of AIDS, the domestic issues should come primarily.（刚开始看你最后一句没有看懂，后来才发现是一个限定，给点转折词啊，however之类的，还有domestic issues 是否包括保护环境？希望不要为了用词而用词 ）并且 有一点觉得很矛盾
this is the responsibility of all government
For countries who have not lif
把政府分类写切入点很好，可惜你描述的不够清晰，我相信你用简单一些的词应该可以表达清楚的，句子太长不仅读者不好理解，并且容易犯错误
It is the responsibility of every government to protect the wildness area in their natural so that the earth can keep its balance. （太大了
）This is of special importance in today's world, with the situation of global environment becoming more and more dangerous. The loss of rainforest and many other plants have led to more CO2 existing 这个用的不恰当on the earth, thus causing the global warming, with the ice in the Arctic melting as a result.（这个句子衔接也不好） More species of animals have become extinction due to the change of natural environment made by human beings. Moreover, the human desire has expanded to many wildness areas where few people can reach. Nowadays, many elephants in the African plane have been killed by human beings for their ivory. Both the protection of natural state and animals and plants call for the government from every to carry out regulations to preserve the wildness areas.（你的TS是什么，是责任 ，如果你想强调危险的话，TS就不能这样写了，并且另外一个关键词balance呢？也没有放映，这是失败的一段）
However, such responsibility is of the moral priority.（看不明白） In fact, for countries that have to deal with a handful of domestic issues cannot and will not spend time on the protection of wildness area. We should keep in mind that the most important responsibility of a government in a country is to promote the development of its country and better the life quality of its people. Nothing would come before this duty. And as we all know, the resources of a government is limited. When there is a conflict between the moral responsibility and the need of its own people, the benefits of its people should come first. How can a country in which its people are still in the condition of starvation to spend a coin on the protection of the wildness area? What the government is to try their best and make use of all available resources to supple food for its people? Thus, the government should protect the public wildness areas, with the satisfaction of its domestic need as a priority. 理解你的意思，但是感觉句子很奇怪 看到这里的时候我不知道你下面还要写什么 这是很不应该的，因为你的第一段的主题句的内容都反映出来了 ，并且你这里没有给下段提示
Furthermore, to a certain extreme, the wildness areas should be exploited if the current lands cannot meet the large population in the future.一看你这句话 我的想法是 和上一段重复了，都是应该在特定的情况下被使用 We should make sure the purpose why we protect the environment and the wildness areas. Because we want to keep the earth a habitable place. We want to keep the existence of human beings. The main purpose is to live. However, if, in the future, we need more areas to keep surviving, otherwise we ourselves will become extinct, and then it is understandable to make use of the wildness areas. After all, we cannot sacrifice ourselves to protect the environment. We maybe develop more technology to clone the extinct animals and can also mimic a habitable environment one day in the future. But if we are becoming extinct ourselves, what the environment is used for? At that time, we and the wildness areas are faced with the selection of the nature. The human beings' being able to survival on the base of the sacrifice the environment can also conform to the natural principle that the species of less superiority will eventually abandoned by the nature.
In sum, to preserve the publicly owned wildness areas in their natural state is only the primary responsibility of the government from the moral respect. Only after the solution of the domestic issues at hand can they devote resources to the public problems. However, when it comes to make a choice between human survival and other events, our survivals always comes first.
切入点是好的 可惜没有写成功 提几点意见
1. 主题要明确 一定要明确 让别人一眼可以看懂你要说什么
2. 复杂的句式感觉用的没有把握的话不要用
3. 你的所有的论证和论据要为你的 TS服务作者: joycening 时间: 2007-8-10 21:05:21
谢谢各位 努力改进作者: woodman 时间: 2007-8-10 21:35:35
It isundeniable that government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas intheir natural state due to（很少这样用的） that theenvironment is put into（putinto condition貌似没有这种说法） a more and more dangerous condition.However（上下不是转折关系）, thisis the responsibility of all government from the moral respect（严格来说，这句话很不地道）. Forcountries who have not lift their people from starvation or who are sufferingfrom many serious problems such as wide spread of AIDS, the domestic issuesshould come primarily.（这句太跑了吧）
It is the responsibility of every government to protect thewildness area（上一段重复了）in their natural so that the earthcan keep its balance. This is of special importance in today's world, with thesituation of global environment becoming more and moredangerous（环境怎么会变得危险的呢？中文式表达）. The loss of rainforest and many other plants have led to more CO2existing on the earth, thus（去掉） causing the globalwarming, with（慎用） the ice in the Arctic melting as aresult. More species of animals have become extinction due to the change ofnatural environment made by human beings. Moreover, the human desire hasexpanded to many wildness areas where few people can reach.（终于看到你提及题目了，急啊） Nowadays,many elephants in the African plane have been killed by human beings for theirivory. Both the protection of natural state and animals and plants call for thegovernment from every to carry out regulations to preserve the wildness areas.这一段如果说有价值的句子，也就后面三句。前面都是绕圈子，说了很多与主题不相干的话，呵呵。即使你从环境角度写，也要扣住wilderness areas
However, such responsibility is of the moral priority.（ts太简单了）In fact, for countries that have to deal with a handful of domesticissues cannot and will not spend time on theprotection of wildness area.（每个国家总会有国事要处理的，难道就不用保护了？）We should keep in mind that the most important responsibility of agovernment in a country is to promote the development of its country and betterthe life quality of its people. Nothing would comebefore（用“优于”不是更好吗）this duty. （没有过度）And as we all know,the resources of a government is limited. When there is a conflict between themoral responsibility and the need of its own people, the benefits of its peopleshould come first. How can a country in which its people are still in thecondition of starvation to spend a coin on the protection of the wildness area?What the government is to try their best and make use of all availableresources to supple food for its people? Thus, the government should protectthe public wildness areas, with the satisfaction of its domestic need as apriority. 提到道德层面可能不是很好写，感觉。
Furthermore,to a certain extreme, the wildness areas should be exploited if the currentlands cannot meet the large population in the future.（题目没有说不能开采吧，开采不一定需要保护）We should make sure the purpose whywe protect the environment and the wildness areas. Because we want to keep theearth a habitable place. We want to keep the existence of human beings.（与body1有点重复啊） The main purposeis to live. However, if, in the future, we need more areas to keep surviving,otherwise we ourselves will become extinct, and then it is understandable tomake use of the wildness areas. After all, we cannot sacrifice ourselves toprotect the environment. We maybe develop more technology to clone the extinctanimals and can also mimic a habitable environment one day in the future. Butif we are becoming extinct ourselves, what the environment is used for? At thattime, we and the wildness areas are faced with the selection of the nature. Thehuman beings' being able to survival on the base of the sacrifice theenvironment can also conform to the natural principle that the species of lesssuperiority will eventually abandoned by the nature.这一段是上一段的简单重复，而且还与body1有重叠之处。
In sum,to preserve the publicly owned wildness areas in their natural state is onlythe primary responsibility of the government from the moral respect. Only after the solution of the domestic issues at hand canthey devote resources to the public problems. （每个国家都有解决不完的事情啊，那怎么办？）However,when it comes to make a choice between human survival and other events, oursurvivals always comes first.
句子比较流畅，长句也比较多。写法比较大胆，呵呵，但是没有成功哦。段内逻辑不清晰，零零散散的。还有一些表达不地道，中文式味道。这道题建议再斟酌一下，给我的感觉是有点发散了。