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标题: issue150 『jet小组』第五次作业 [打印本页]

作者: dreamstring 时间: 2008-2-12 22:54:41 标题: issue150 『jet小组』第五次作业

ISSUE150 - "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

word:447

Whether television and worldwide computer connections help people to become familiar with a lot of places that they have never visited? I think the answer is yes. The strong power brought by current high-tech has changed our lives in a large scale. However, declaiming that this convenience will cause that tourism will soon become obsolete is not rational.

Nowadays, it is true that people can get some information through television and computer, since the broadcasting system and Internet have highly developed. When we eager to have a view of the Niagara Falls, we would like to search on the Internet. It is easy to get a lot of pictures of the fantastic scene of the fall. Moreover, TV programs broadcast several introductions of great places all over the world. What we should do is just sitting comfortably and staring at the television, and the screen will show you how magnificent the Great Wall is, and how amazing the pyramid is. If you just want to have a view of these great places, there is no need for you to travel.

However, tourism will definitely not become obsolete, though television and computer can show people what they want to see so directly and conveniently. What tourists enjoy is not only what they can finally see and what they can finally do when they get the destination, but also the experiences they achieve during the traveling process. From search maps, collect information, prepare foods; to hike through forests, eat beside a brook, sleep in camps; all of these are precious experience to them. Every second tourists passed provides them happiness, which can not be provided just by watching TV or surfing in Internet.

What’s more, what you can feel from seeing pictures or TV programs is sharply different from what you can feel when you are really at there. Maybe you just exclaim that it is very beautiful and large when you see the Niagara Falls’ pictures. However, when you get there personally, stand beside the fall, stare at it, and listen to its earsplitting echo, you will attain a great visional impact. You will exclaim that you are so small when you confront it, and that the power of nature is so great and absorbing. All this emotion can only appear when people get the resort. It might be not possible to have the similar feeling if people just stay at home and see pictures of TV programs.

In sum, it is admitted that television and worldwide network connection facilitate us to become familiar with many places that they have never visited. But this situation will not lead to extinguish of tourism, since travel owns its unique fascination.

作者: macross_36 时间: 2008-2-14 10:30:16

Whether television and worldwide computer connections help people to become familiar with a lot of places that they have never visited? I think the answer is yes. The strong power brought by current high-tech has changed our lives in a large scale. However, declaiming that this convenience will cause that tourism will soon become obsolete is not rational. (这句应该改成However, declaiming that this convenience will cause tourism soon become obsolete is not rational会比较顺口吧?)

Nowadays, it is true that people can get some information through television and computer, since the broadcasting system and Internet have (been) highly developed. When we (are) eager to have a view (好像take a view比较顺) of the Niagara Falls, we would like to search on the Internet. It is easy to get a lot of pictures of the fantastic scene of the fall. Moreover, TV programs broadcast several introductions of great places all over the world. What we should do is just sitting comfortably and staring at the television, and the screen will show you how magnificent the Great Wall is, and how amazing the pyramid is. If you just want to have a view of these great places, there is no need for you to travel.

However, tourism will definitely not become obsolete, though television and computer can show people what they want to see so directly and conveniently. What tourists enjoy is not only what they can finally see and what they can finally do (有点罗嗦了,改成what they can finally see and do好些吧?) when they get the destination, but also the experiences they achieve during the traveling process. From search maps, collect information, prepare foods; to hike through forests, eat beside a brook, sleep in camps(因该都用动名词吧?searching maps e.g.); all of these are precious experience to them. Every second tourists passed provides them happiness, which can not be provided (用offered 或given 避免重复) just by watching TV or surfing in Internet.

What’s more, what you can feel from seeing pictures or TV programs is sharply different from what you can feel when you are really at there (去掉at或者改成at the place). Maybe you just exclaim that it is very beautiful and large when you see the Niagara Falls’ pictures. However, when you get there personally, stand beside the fall, stare at it, and listen to its earsplitting (好词，牛！)echo, you will attain a great visional（前面不只是讲视觉上的） impact. You will exclaim（recognize） that you are so small when you confront it, and that the power of nature is so great and absorbing. All this emotion can only appear when people get the resort. It might be not possible (It might not be possible) to have the similar feeling if people just stay at home and see pictures of (in) TV programs.

In sum, it is admitted that television and worldwide network connection facilitate us to become familiar with many places that they have never visited. But this situation will not lead to extinguish of tourism, since travel owns its unique fascination.

我是头一次改作文，不对的地方请见谅．
全文采用先正评价一段，再负评价两段的典型论证手法论证论点。论点鲜明，论据充分，个人认为写的很好，呵呵。
但是文章在称呼上先使用了people,后又用you，好像显得称谓不统一。另外，文章的语言稍显口语化，一些基本语法还需加强。
(另外,我的Agurment已经可以看了,帮忙改一下,谢谢啦.)

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