TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 456 TIME:不限时 DATE: 2008-2-21 1:13:08
In this memo the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends increasing stock of home office machine and office supplies at all Valu-Mart. To support this recommendation the manager cites a recent survey that over 70 percent of the respondents are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Meanwhile, the manager predicts positively that their office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. For several reasons, the evidence offered in support of the recommendation provides little credible support for it.
First of all, the manager fails to provide no assurance that the survey's result is statistical reliable. Unless the respondents are statistical in size and necessarily representative of the views of the overall population of office workers, the manager cannot persuade me to believe, by the dubious result of the survey, that the trend is coming. Meanwhile, it is entirely possible that those, who are requested to take more work home, incline to respond the survey. Without the evidence that the survey were methodological and statistical reliability, it is impossible to draw the conclusion that more people will take work home from work.
Secondly, even if the trend mentioned above exist actually, it cannot demonstrate that the demand of the Valu-Mart stores' home office machines or the office supplies will increase dramatically following the trend. Perhaps most of officers are equip their house with adequate home office machine because they has been working at home just not as much often as recently. Furthermore, maybe the other store supply the state-of-the-art products which are more attractive than the manufacture of Valu-Mart stores, if this is the case, the manager should not hope the impressive sales in the future.
Finally, even if the demand of the Valu-Mart stores will increase as the manager predicts, no evidence indicated that the stock should be increased. It is quite possible that the stock of home office machines and office supplies is sufficient to the increased demand. In addition, common sense tell us that more stock of products mean more cost of maintaining the store. If the goods cannot be sold immediately, the extra cost will absolutely reduces the revenue. In a word, without weighing revenue against expense, whether to profit is questionable, not to mention the dream of becoming the most profitable component of their stores.
In summary, the recommendation is not well supported. To bolster it the manager must provide clear evidence that customers are actually required to take more work home and it is necessary to increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies which people prefer to buy. To better evaluate the argument, I need more information about the cost of maintaining store.
TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 456 TIME:不限时 DATE: 2008-2-21 1:13:08
In this memo the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends increasing stock of home office machine and office supplies at all Valu-Mart. To support this recommendation the manager cites a recent survey that over 70 percent of the respondents are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Meanwhile, the manager predicts positively(表达不错) that their office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. For several reasons, the evidence offered in support of the recommendation provides little credible support for it.
First of all, the manager fails to provide no assurance（fails to provide any assurance 原句是双重否定就是肯定的意思了） that the survey's result is statistical reliable. Unless the respondents are statistical（感觉用这个词有点奇怪，我是中国人我理解，不知道外国人理解不） in size and necessarily representative of the views of the overall population of office workers, the manager cannot persuade me to believe, by the dubious result of the survey, that the trend is coming. Meanwhile, it is entirely possible that those, who are requested to take more work home, incline to respond the survey.（这个论据很不错） Without the evidence that the survey were methodological and statistical reliability, it is impossible to draw the conclusion that more people will take work home from work.
Secondly, even if the trend mentioned above exist（exists） actually, it cannot demonstrate that the demand of the Valu-Mart stores' home office machines or the office supplies will increase dramatically following the trend. Perhaps most of officers are equip（两个动词？建议：have equipped） their house with adequate home office machine because they has been working at home just not as much often as recently. Furthermore, maybe the other（the other是特指，建议改成some other stores） store supply the state-of-the-art products which are more attractive than the manufacture of Valu-Mart stores, if this is the case, the manager should not hope the impressive sales in the future.
Finally, even if the demand of the Valu-Mart stores will increase as the manager predicts, no evidence indicated that the stock should be increased.（我觉得第一句一定要很能够概括整段的论点，而这句似乎并没有概括出来，应该着重在利润部分） It is quite possible that the stock（建议改成the current stock） of home office machines and office supplies is sufficient to the increased demand. In addition, common sense tell us that more stock of products mean more cost of maintaining the store. If the goods cannot be sold immediately, the extra cost will absolutely reduces the revenue. In a word, without weighing revenue against expense, whether to profit is questionable, not to mention the dream of becoming the most profitable component of their stores.（这句很好）
In summary, the recommendation is not well supported. To bolster it the manager must provide clear evidence that customers are actually required to take more work home and it is necessary to increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies which people prefer to buy. To better evaluate the argument, I need more information about the cost of maintaining store.