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标题: Jack互改练习贴 [打印本页]

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-22 16:04:45 标题: Jack互改练习贴

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Making a decision to attend college seems rather prevalent in our rapidly developed society. People from different area, including high school students, experienced manager and people who have already succeed in their professions tend to make attending college or university as their first choice. Attending college or university may get a better career preparation and increased their knowledge in a specific area.

Get better career preparation may be among the various factors that affects people's decision to go to college and university. A specific college degree not only presents one's ability to be qualified for the job, it also gives an implication that the degree holders have succeed in this area, at least they obtained a college degree. Take the Computer Science degree for example, degree holders with this degree can not only be qualified for the high-tech firms, they also can be competitive for the job with computer skills as a prerequisite. Numerous cases have shown that applicants with a college degree are more likely to be identified as competency and get job offers.

Students from high school may want to increase their knowledge to attend college. Knowledge learned from high school hardly can meet the needs of the society which demands more specialization. College offers a good chance for the student to increase their knowledge and gives a clear path towards profession. For example, students who learned Genetics in the university can enter to a lab after graduation and most labs such as genetic lab always require at least a college degree in the biology. College degree give people an opportunity to increase their knowledge and therefore be more specialized in one area.

Finally, some people decide to go to university for gaining new experiences. Going to a college, for most high school students, is a good chance for them to be independent and serves as a entrance to be a real adult. Students in the college may meet different people and ideas. Through the comparison of the new things in the college and the old things in their hometown, some seemingly mundane food and culture are suddenly new again in the context of radically new circumstances. Learning through different viewpoints, students can make a better assessment of themselves and make decisions by themselves.

[ 本帖最后由 Jack_Ji 于 2008-4-24 10:13 编辑 ]

作者: kenmy 时间: 2008-4-22 16:17:09

Heard about that a new high school might be built in our community, I feel delighted, and I wholeheartedly support this brilliant idea. Since there are only 3 high schools in our community, which can not afford to admit all or even most of adolescences in our community, a new high school seems very important to our community’s development.
As everybody knows, high school education is very essential for everyone. First of all, it’s the best and easiest way to go to college, for you can devote all your time into study in high school, you have a lot of time to prepare for the entrance exam for college. Secondly, the knowledge learned from high school is really valuable, they are all fundamental knowledge for every subject, like mathematics, chemistry, physics, biology, history, on one hand, these knowledge can build a good fundament for your college studying, on the other hand, it’s also good for you for your future development no matter what career you take.
Although everybody knows the importance, there are only a few students can go to our community’s high school. Because the only 3 high school can not hold 30000 students at the right age of high school, there are only a few fortune students can go to these 3 high school. Some people take no choice but go to other areas for schooling, which has a lot of disadvantages. For example, they has to be far away from home to take care of themselves alone, they will feel lonely, they must handle everything on their own which is difficult for such young people, and they must spend much time on traveling from home and school, which is a totally waste. Also , they live so far away from home, for some people , they can gradually learn to how to be independent, somehow, there also exist some people , they are not good at controlling themselves without parents’ supervision, they might be obsessed at computer games, and learned something that high school students should not master. If a new high school is built in our community, many of these problems can be solved.
All that mentioned above is just about the students who go away for study, in our community, for the sake of limited number of high school, some students don’t go to school anymore. Some of them chased for low-salary job. And sadder thing is that many unemployed youth might be tempted to do commit crime for life, like stealing, robbing, and selling drugs, Which is harmful to the development of both young people and community.
For the reasons that mentioned above, building a new high school is beneficial to our community, it can rise the average educational level of our community, help the youth’s development, that equals our society’s development.

作者: kenmy 时间: 2008-4-22 16:40:12

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Making a decision to attend college seems rather prevalent in our rapidly developed society. People from different area, including high school students, experienced manager （名次不可能这样存在的，要么加冠词，要么复数）and people who have already succeed （过去分词）in their professions tend to make attending college or university as their first choice. Attending college or university may get a better career preparation and increased（may后面的两个动词是并列的，原形！） their knowledge in a specific area.

Get （getting）better career preparation may be among the various factors that affects（原形） people's decision to go to college and university. A specific college degree not only presents one's ability to be qualified for the job, it also gives an implication that the degree holders have succeed in this area, at least they obtained a college degree. Take the Computer Science degree for example, degree holders with this degree can not only be qualified for the high-tech firms, they also can be competitive for the job with computer skills as a prerequisite. Numerous cases have shown that applicants with a college degree are more likely to be identified as competency and get job offers.

Students from high school may want to increase their knowledge to attend college. Knowledge learned from high school hardly can meet the needs of the society which demands more specialization. College offers a good chance for the student to increase their knowledge and gives a clear path towards profession. For example, students who learned Genetics in the university can enter to（不要吧） a lab after graduation and most labs such as genetic lab always require at least a college degree in the（不要吧） biology. College degree gives people an opportunity to increase their knowledge and therefore be more specialized in one area.

Finally, some people decide to go to university for gaining new experiences. Going to a college, for most high school students, is a good chance for them to be independent and serves as a entrance to be a real adult. Students in the college may meet different people and ideas. Through the comparison of the new things in the college and the old things in their hometown, some seemingly mundane food and culture are suddenly new again in the context of radically new circumstances. Learning through different viewpoints, students can make a better assessment of themselves and make decisions by themselves。

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-23 15:33:13

30. It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

Heard about that a new high school might be built in our community, I feel delighted, and I wholeheartedly support this brilliant idea. Since there are only 3 high schools in our community, which can not afford to admit all or even most of adolescences in our community(感觉afford to admit不大合适，改成：which can not make all or even most of adolescences available to high school education in our community), a new high school seems very important to our community’s development.

As everybody knows, high school education is very essential for everyone. First of all, it’s the best and easiest way to go to college, for you can devote all your time into study in high school, you have a lot of time to prepare for the entrance exam for college. Secondly, the knowledge learned from high school is really valuable, they are all fundamental knowledge for every subject, like mathematics, chemistry, physics, biology, history, on one hand, these knowledge can build a good fundament for your college studying, on the other hand, it’s also good for you(for you删除) for your future development no matter what career you (will)take.
Although everybody knows the importance, there are only a few students can go to our community’s high school. Because the only 3 high school can not hold 30000 students at the right age of high school, there are only a few fortune students can go to these 3 high school(schools). Some people take no choice but go to other areas for schooling, which has a lot of disadvantages. For example, they has to be far away from home to take care of themselves alone, they will feel lonely, they must handle everything on their own which is difficult for such young people, and they must spend much time on traveling from home and school, which is a totally waste. Also , they live so far away from home, for some people , they can gradually learn to how to be independent, somehow, there also exist some people , they are not good at controlling themselves without parents’ supervision, they might be obsessed at computer games, and learned something that high school students should not master. If a new high school is built in our community, many of these problems can be solved.
(一般用all that mentioned above都在结尾，这里可以换个其他的过渡词比如说，simply put)All that mentioned above is just about the students who go away for study, in our community, for the sake of limited number of high school, some students don’t go to school anymore(will not have the chance to go to school anymore). Some of them chased for low-salary job. And sadder thing is that many unemployed youth might be tempted to do commit crime for life, like stealing, robbing, and selling drugs, Which is harmful to the development of both young people and community.
For the reasons that mentioned above, building a new high school is beneficial to our community, it can rise the average educational level of our community, help the youth’s development, that equals our society’s development.

文章思路很清晰，可以看出来基础不错哦~~而且字数也冲到了470多，真是望之莫及，还得向你学习。

但是文章感觉论证的比较单一：你的社区需要提高教育水平让更多的孩子上学，所以建设高中是十分必要的。其实也可以谈谈建设高中对当地经济的影响，再者也可以谈谈建设高中的缺点，这样可能显得饱满一些。

[ 本帖最后由 Jack_Ji 于 2008-4-23 15:34 编辑 ]

作者: hyacinth 时间: 2008-4-23 16:04:25

互相交流作文很好啊 ;d:

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-23 21:27:28

Topic 18.
What are some important qualities of a good boss? Use specific details and examples to
explain why these qualities are important.

In the increasingly competitive market, good boss is very crucial to a company to compete
with other firms. In my point of view, a good boss should possess critical thinking, a
sense of humor and awareness of cooperation.

First of all, critical thinking is very important for a good boss. Thinking critically, one
is capable of analyzing insightfully the situation the company faced, concentrating on the
right target of companies, thereby making a wise decision. Both the employees and employers
live in a world where controversial issues that are often simply taken for granted. For
example, a boss may encounter with the decision of making an investment. It is very hard for
the boss to make this decision decisively for the reason that in most cases the
circumstances and implications of this decision are rather complex. Therefore, a critical
thinking is needed to help the boss analyze the synthesize the situation insightful and
gather relevant information, efficiently and creatively sort through this information and
come to reliable and trustworthy conclusions.

Moreover, awareness of cooperation should be instilled to a good boss. Nowadays, too much
emphasis was placed on the employees. A good boss, to a large extent, should be aware of
the importance of cooperation. More often than not, a team can achieve much more extensive
scope than an individual can, because one has less strength than many have. Therefore, the
boss of a group should behave in cooperation with his or her subordinates in order to set a
good example for all the employees more or less would unconsciously or subconsciously copy
everything from their boss.

Finally, a good boss should have a sense of humor. A sense of humor would ease the sorrow
and stress in the work place. Sometimes a good boss should tell some jokes to relieve the
employees' pressure. A relax atmosphere would almost improve the whole efficiency. For
example, sometimes employers need to work longer to complete a big project before the
coming deadline. Then, a good boss should play some jokes even may invite all the stuff to
have a meal together in order to improve the whole efficiency.

To sum up, a good boss in the company should always think critically in order to analyze
the situation of the company and place greater importance on the teamwork rather the
ability of an individual. What's more, a sense of humor for the boss is also another way to
improve the whole efficiency of the company.

作者: 十字路口 时间: 2008-4-25 17:35:40

Some people think that parents should plan their children’s leisure time carefully. Other people believe children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time. Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice.
Upon to the question that which is better, parents plan their children’s free time or children decide for themselves,people have different opinion about it .Parents planing free time for children has its advantage,but at the mean time,it has many disadvantages, too.In my point of view,I would prefer children deciding what to do in free time.There are many instances supporting my view.
  First , I could take children’s daily lives in our country as examples.They study for about 8hours every day from Monday to Friday,and their homework accounts for two or three hours every day.Except for time for meal and sleep,little time is left for other purposes. Also some students take some training courses even at weekends.Thus ,they hardly have time for their own interest. As a child , his life is supposed to be meaningful and beautiful .Such a dull life is harmful to development of a child. Clearly ,chidren should decide how to spend their free time.
  In addition, it’s beneficial to children’s development to let them arrange their time.Parents are supposed to foster children’s ability to depend on themselves in early age.Such abilities include the one to arrange their time efficiently.In China ,parents get used to arrange everything for their children.Children don’t know what to do when they don’t get instructions.For example,students have a lot of free time in university,but they don’t know how to plan time ,just because nobody tells them how to.So many of them spend time either on computer games or study,which has negatively effects on their future.Therefore ,children should form a good habit of arranging time reasonally,which is important for them,because they need to finish jobs in limited time in future.
  In fact ,children would use free time planned by themselves as well as one planned by parents,if not better than.It is known to all that one is willing to do something he is interested in. On the contrary, he would walk through things he thinks annoying. Sometimes parents arrange children to do what they think important,but ignore children’s interest. This choice parents regard as good one actually doesn’t bring benefit as expected.Though children would make mistakes if they decide what to do in free time,it would still be a good idea if parents engage in the plan a little.
Finally ,the point I’m trying to make is that it is beneficial for children to plan their free time conditionally. This not only foster their independence but lighten parents’ stress .

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-26 15:36:29

我会尽快帮你修改好的

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-26 18:30:21

how to spend their free time. Which idea do you agree with? Give reasons for your choice.

Upon to the question that which is better, parents plan their children’s free time or children decide for themselves, people have different opinion(opinions) about it .Parents planing(planning) free time for children has its advantage, but at the mean (same mean我不知道这样用可以不) time, it has many disadvantages, too(删除，前面有用at the same time). In my point of view, I would prefer children deciding what to do in free time. There are many instances supporting my view.
  First , I could take children’s daily lives in our country as examples. They study for about 8 hours every day from Monday to Friday, and their homework accounts for two or three hours every day. Except for （删除）time for meal and sleep, little time is left for other purposes（这里表达有问题,little time is left for children to do other meaningful things）. Also some students take some training courses even at weekends. Thus ,they hardly have time for their own interest. As a child , his life is supposed to be meaningful and beautiful .Such a dull life is harmful to development of a child. Clearly ,chidren (children)should decide how to spend their free time.
  In addition, it’s beneficial to(for) children’s development to let them arrange their time. Parents are supposed to foster(improve) children’s ability to depend on themselves in early age. Such abilities include the one to arrange their time efficiently. In China ,parents get used to arrange everything for their children. Children don’t know what to do when they don’t get instructions. For example, students have a lot of free time in university, but they don’t know how to plan time ,just because nobody tells them how to. So many of them spend time either on computer games or study, which has negatively effects on their future. Therefore ,children should form a good habit of arranging time reasonally(reasonably) which is important for them, because they need to finish jobs in limited time in future.
  In fact ,children would use free time planned by themselves as well as one planned by parents, if not better than. It is known to all that one is willing to do something he is interested in. On the contrary, he would walk through things he thinks annoying. Sometimes parents arrange children to do what they think important, but ignore children’s interest. This choice parents regard as good one actually doesn’t bring benefit as expected. Though children would make mistakes if they decide what to do in free time, it would still be a good idea if parents engage in the plan a little.
Finally ,the point I’m trying to make is that it is beneficial for children to plan their free time conditionally. This not only foster their independence but lighten parents’ stress .

文章总体思路还是比较清晰，第一段就阐明了要用大量的实例来证明你的观点，而且实例都是我们身边的例子，感觉比较贴切，过渡也比较自然。美中不足就是句型结构有点单一，论证广度不大够。整体来说很不错了：）

[ 本帖最后由 Jack_Ji 于 2008-4-26 18:31 编辑 ]

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-27 12:17:11

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In the modern society, decisions for people are more and more difficult to make especially for the older teenage children with less experience and knowledge. But it does not mean that parents should make important decisions on their older teenage children's behalf. Nevertheless, they are supposed to take a active role in the decision-making process of their children.

Important decisions for the older teenage are that will have significant consequences and ever-lasting impact on their life and sometimes it is hard for them to make decisions for the circumstances and implication of the decision are rather complex. So, it is wise for parents to offer some suggestions to their children for they have more knowledge and experience. Furthermore, parents have the responsibility to cultivate their offspring in a moderate way by offering advices. For example, when a high school students are ready to enter a university, parents should offer some advices for their children in order to choose a suitable university and major.

Seeking advice from parents is also very helpful for the children, especially when they confer with their parents who have already faced the same problems. Parents who have experienced the same problems will help their children analyze the situation insightfully. Through comparison of the viewpoints from their parents, children will make best assessment of his or her situation and therefore make a wise decision. For example, when I was a teenager, I faced a lot of problems such as how to get along well with people with strange belief, my father told me that what seems outlandish today may become widely accepted a century, a decade or even a year later and in order to get along well with people with strange belief, one should get open-minded and receive different viewpoints.

However, parents should not make decision on their children's behalf. If children get used to walking in the prearranged direction designed by their parents, their abilities to make decisions independently will totally be destroyed. Children's future, like every generation, are filled with uncertainty. Neither can parents tell everything to their offspring, nor can parents make every important decision for children. Parents should deliberately develop their older teenage children's ability to take full responsibility of their decision and make it themselves.

作者: 十字路口 时间: 2008-4-28 12:28:01

your opinion is parents should help make important decisions for older teenagers,and your second and third paragraph support parents should help them make a decision,the fourth supports parents should not make decisions for them.你是采取中立的观点,对吧,这样好吗?

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-28 15:17:28

我觉得不是中立的观点：1 2 3段都是说明家长应该帮助孩子做重要的决定，4段说的是最终做决定的还是孩子自己，家长始终做只是帮助的作用。:handshake
不过还是很感谢你的建议

作者: yq_112397 时间: 2008-4-28 19:03:48

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Making a decision to attend college seems rather prevalent(这词用这不好) in our rapidly developed society. People from different area, including high school students, experienced manager and people who have already succeed in their professions tend to make attending college or university as their first choice. Attending college or university may get a better career preparation and increase（去D）their knowledge in a specific area.（作者思路很开阔，居然想到除高中生外的人想进大学，这种非正统方式。。。但我觉得这样想反而偏了，使得后面不好写）Get better career preparation may be among the various factors that affects people's decision to go to college and university. A specific college degree not only presents one's ability to be qualified for the job, it also gives an implication that the degree holders have succeed in this area, at least they obtained a college degree. Take the Computer Science degree for example, degree holders with this degree can not only be qualified for the high-tech firms, they also can be competitive for the job with computer skills as a prerequisite. Numerous cases have shown that applicants with a college degree are more likely to be identified as competency and get job offers.Students from high school may want to increase their knowledge to attend college. Knowledge learned from high school hardly can meet the needs of the society which demands more specialization. College offers a good chance for the student to increase their knowledge and gives a clear path towards profession. For example, students who learned Genetics in the university can enter to a lab after graduation and most labs such as genetic lab always require at least a college degree in the biology. College degree give people an opportunity to increase their knowledge and therefore be more specialized in one area. Finally, some people decide to go to university for gaining new experiences. Going to a college, for most high school students, is a good chance for them to be independent and serves as a entrance to be a real adult. Students in the college may meet different people and ideas. Through the comparison of the new things in the college and the old things in their hometown, some seemingly mundane food and culture are suddenly new again in the context of radically new circumstances. Learning through different viewpoints, students can make a better assessment of themselves and make decisions by themselves.

看完第一、二段我就不想看下去了，原因是，从作者的字里行间可以看出写作的功底，建议不用再练作文了，加强其他部分吧。

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-28 19:31:08

.....:confused: :confused:

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-28 20:00:55

It is more important to work at a job that you enjoy than it is to earn a lot of money.
We live in a world that tend to make everyone into customs and therefore making more money.

More and more people thought that it is more important to work at a job which offered them
opportunity to earn a lot money. However, money is not the only concern in people's live.
In my point of view, a job that you enjoy will bring more things to you.

What the jobs offered people can not be constrained to the category that it brings you a
lot of money, but have a wider scope. The ability of finishing a assignment is accepted
by more and more people in the world as a proof of competence in the work place. When you
finish the work assigned by your boss, you would become very happy and confident as you
have proved your capacity in the work place. In the United States, many people work at job
for nothing, they just enjoy the feeling of being competent in the work place.

People who get involved in the area they interested in are more likely to attain great
achievement for they have more passion and ever-lasting motivation. There is a well known
example which is very persuasive: Galileo was the first person who use telescope to study
skies. His observation convinced him that it is the earth that revolved the sun which was
thought claims of dangerous and unpopular minorities. It is his interest in this area that
motivated him to continue his research. Without enjoyment of his job, he probable had given
up and he even couldn't achieve that great success.

Working at a job without enjoyment will be a tragedy, especially those who have suffered a
lot in cities. "Burdensome" and "boring" are the common words that many white-collar
describe their jobs. The only motivation for work is earning more and more money.
Therefore,  working at a job become a heavy stone that they have to carry everyday and of course, they
have little passion and low the working efficiency which is thought to be a disaster to him or her and even the company.

To sum up, even if we have to face the reality of the life that we work at a job for money,
it is more important to work at a job that you enjoy. Not only will the enjoyment of a job make you
better off with less pressure, it also can bring you happiness and the feeling of
competency.

这篇文章实在感觉没话说，感觉准备的还是不充分。希望版主给点建议。

作者: hyacinth 时间: 2008-4-28 20:59:24

你想让我帮你看哪一篇呢? 最新的这一篇还是我随便挑呢?

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-28 22:37:26

随便挑一篇吧，十分感谢:handshake

作者: 十字路口 时间: 2008-4-29 08:47:25

Does human activity improve or damage the earth?

  Human has been developing the earth to make it a better place for living from the ancient times.Till now,we have seeming benefited from these activities.Factories produce various products to satisfy people's needs.Cars,ships ,planes and other tools make transportation fast and easy.However,the adverse effect of human activity on the earth is increasingly apparent.Human activity actually damages the earth to some extent.
  Human are busy with developing wild land for their own use,but do not notice that habitats of wild animals are destroyed.Some species are in danger of extinction because of having no place to live in.This action of occupying wild animals' habitats has also resulted in their advent in human's living places.The related reports are familiar to people now.For example,it was once reported that an elephant rushed into a village , hurt several villagers and almost destroyed the village one day.
  In addition,human activity on the earth leads to climate change in the world.Global warming is a good example.Scientists have noted a disturbing rise in the average temperature of the earth,and believed that this is due to greenhouse gases expeled by human activities.They predict that the polar ice caps would thaw and flood the whole world ,especially the lower places in physiognomy.Also ,the big snow disaster in the south areas of our country ,such as hunan,is regarded as the result of human activity on the earth.
  Finally,human activity on the earth damages people's natural living environment,thus people's health is getting worse.With economic development,more factories are built in the rural areas.A large amount of waste water and materials are poured into rivers without being disposed of,since local people lack knowledge of purifying waste water and materials.This leads to pollution in water and land.Local people drink polluted water and eat food ,but do not notice it.This waste things will lead to uncurable disasters ,when they take in these waste things for a long time.Similar reports are also familiar now.It was once repoted that most of the villagers suffered from liver cancers due to having drinking polluted water expelled bu paper mill  in local area.
  All in all,we are not supposed to focus on short-term economic benefit,but on long-term benefit of human development.We should not only make the earth a better place for human,but a paradise of all the beings living in the world.

:)
不知道写的怎么样,请大家帮忙改一下,谢谢

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-29 11:44:12

Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in schools. Others think that
the knowledge we acquire outside of school is the most important.

We live in a world that more and more demands are putting on the knowledge. With the
desire for knowledge, some people conclude that it is better to learn their most
important lessons in schools, at the same time, others tend to acquire knowledge through
their hands-on experience outside of school. I think that people would learn more through
the lessons outside of school.

Traditional schools offers people opportunity to be exposed under different viewpoints.
However, lots of students in schools lost their direction in the process of teaching.
Teachers are trying their best to insert the misllanneous information including different
viewpoints from the famous people in the history to their students. Students are so stuffed
that they have no time and encouragement to analyze and synthesize the problems individuals
have to face because they hardly can practice what they have learned into practice. With
participation to the society, people will have a better understanding of the world and
learn more.

Hands-on experience outside of school enables people to form a critical thinking that what
they learned in schools sometimes can hardly be the truth. For example, a newly graduated
college students with Computer Science degree may hardly find a job in the high-tech
company in that what he or she learned in the class can not dress the need of the company
and even some of the theory is totally wrong because it can not connect to the practice.

Learning outside of school is an indispensable part of people's live, in this way people
become socialized. Sharing things people like and settling the disagreement between people
are skills that we have to learn mainly through lessons outside of school. How to deal with
personal finance, how to cope with current social trend and even how to effectively
organize our mind are seldom be thoroughly and comprehensively discussed in schools.
Therefore, people should learn all of these skills in the society manly through lessons
outside schools.

作者: hyacinth 时间: 2008-4-29 15:49:57

In the modern society, decisions for people are more and more difficult to make especially for the older teenage children with less experience and knowledge. But it does not mean that parents should make important decisions on their older teenage children's behalf. Nevertheless, they are supposed to take a active role in the decision-making process of their children.

Important decisions for the older teenage are that will have significant consequences and ever-lasting impact on their life and sometimes it is hard for them to make decisions for the circumstances and implication of the decision are rather complex. So, it is wise for parents to offer some suggestions to their children for they have more knowledge and experience. Furthermore, parents have the responsibility to cultivate their offspring in a moderate way by offering advices. For example, when a [删去.后面是students] high school students are ready to enter a university, parents should offer some advices for their children in order to choose a suitable university and major.

Seeking advice from parents is also very helpful for the children, especially when they confer with their parents who have already faced the same problems. Parents who have experienced the same problems will help their children analyze the situation insightfully. Through comparison of the viewpoints from their parents, children will make best assessment of his or her situation and therefore make a wise decision. For example, when I was a teenager, I faced a lot of problems such as how to get along well with people with strange belief, [一句话说完了就要当机立断的用句号把它给结了.否则就变成run on sentence了.^^]my father told me that what seems outlandish today may become widely accepted a century, a decade or even a year later and in order to get along well with people with strange belief, one should get open-minded and receive different viewpoints.

However, parents should not make decision on their children's behalf. If children get used to walking in the prearranged direction designed by their parents, their[指代] abilities to make decisions independently will totally[totally语气强了点,也太绝对了] be destroyed. Children's future, like every generation[前面的主语是future,future和generation不能直接进行对比啊], are[→is] filled with uncertainty. Neither can parents tell everything to their offspring, nor can parents make every important decision for children. Parents should deliberately develop their older teenage children's ability to take full responsibility of their decision and make it themselves [指代不明].

用词和表达都已经很成熟了. 不过make这个词出现的频率有点高.:rolleyes:

你最后一段的开头however,blah blah blah,可是你前文并没有说家长就应该替孩子做决定啊,哪里来的转折呢? 你的文章主旨应该是在孩子做决定的过程中,家长应该扮演一个积极引导者的角色不是吗?我觉得前面两段也是围绕这个展开的. 说实话,你最后一段的目的很不明朗,到底是对前文的补充说明还是用来做结尾呢?暂时不管你想让它做什么.无论什么文章,结构完整都是最重要的.

另外,我看完你的文章有一个很大的疑问,就是你所定义的有active role的家长和直接替孩子做决定的家长到底有什么区别.我觉得家长的指引有的时候其实是一种变相的暗示,还是想让孩子选择家长觉得正确的路嘛.那你是不是应该在文章里解释下这点呢? 这个扯到逻辑上去了. 虽然T的作文对逻辑要求不像G那么严谨,但是你给的定义很模糊,我觉得你文章的主题不是很突出.

不过总体来说是篇好文章.;d:

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-4-29 17:18:02 标题: 回复 #20 hyacinth 的帖子

明白了~~ 我仔细又读了一遍，的确感觉主旨那么明确。

至于家长的active role，的确家长的建议有暗示的作用，但是如果家长一点建议都不给的话，这样更显得不负责任。

谢谢版主的修改:) :)

作者: 十字路口 时间: 2008-4-30 09:23:30

又写了一篇不知怎么样,请版主帮忙修改,谢谢,
it has been said "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books.In your opinion ,which source is more important ?Why?

  The source of knowledge is different among different people.Some acquire knowledge from books,while others learn knowledge through experiences.There is not a criterion for deciding which one is more important.They both have advantages and disadvantages.
  For knowledge gained from books,it could be gotten easily as long as one is literate.Knowledge gained from books is various ,ranging from math,science to history and art.Sometimes books could supply with knowledge one can't gain through personal experiences.Such knowledge refers to knowledge related to the universe,the origins of life on earth and historic events.However,knowledge from books is possibly forgotten befor long.Also,some knowledge  contained in books isn't practical.At this time,we need experience to expand our knowledge.
  Though some knowledge is not written down in books ,it is important for us.Young adults who just graduate from university have no idea of the society.They related information about how to adjust to the society,but this knowledge is not available in books.They need experience difficulties to get the knowledge by themselves,or gain some instructions from the older.However, knowledge gained from experience is limited,because one hardly has enough time for all kinds of experience.Also ,one could get hurt during the experience.Take doctors and chemists for example,they usually get hurt in experiments.In order to find a solution of a disease ,some doctors would do experiment with their bodies.Also,chemists usually get hurt during the experiment.
Above all,i personally think knowledge gained from books is as neccesary as the one gained from experience.Both books and experience are important sources of knowledge.Moreover,they are connected with each other.Some knowledge in books is acquried by experiences,such as knowledge of science. People could gain more knowledge from experience with the instruction of  book knowledge.Graduate could make use of both knowledge learned from school and knowledge gained by experience to do well in their work.Therefore,mixture of book knowledge and experience is the more valuable source of knowledge.

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-5-1 11:28:09

It has been said, " Not everyone that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast  knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinions, which  source is more important, why?

We live in the world that knowledge are coming to the central stage of modern society for
its great significance on people's life. Some people believe that knowledge gained from
books is more systematic and comprehensive. While others states that knowledge gained from
hands-on experience is more personal. Both way of learning enable people in the society to
better grasp knowledge, therefore, I believe that we should use both books and experience as source of gaining knowledge for their great advantages.

Knowledge gained from books, compared to that gained from personal experience, is more
systematic and have almost no. limitations. Unlike personal experience that is limited by
individual experience, knowledge gained from books have almost no limitations. Sitting in the  local library, you can travel to a lot of great places of interest by reading a geographic  books with nearly no expense at all. At the same time, there is some knowledge that can not be gained from experience such as history. History offers a terrain for moral contemplation.  By reading the stories of individuals and situation in the history, people may test his or  her own moral sense and hone it against the real complexity individuals have to faced. Only  through reading books, can people understand what happened to their ancestors in the past  and gain knowledge of history.

However, not everything is contained in books. How to deal with personal finance, how to
cope with current social trends and even how to effectively organize our own mind and
numerous other things can seldom be found discussed comprehensively and thoroughly in books. We have to gain such kind of knowledge through our hands-on experience. For instance, if you want to learn swimming. A fully detailed book of teaching swimming can not help you learn
swimming. You have to jump into water and learn this skill through your experience. The
future of us is filled with uncertainty, never can we learn everything mainly through books. We must gain knowledge from personal experience and draw on our own resources to analyze and  synthesize the problems we have to face.

In order to better grasp knowledge, the best way for people in the society is to use both
books and experience as source simultaneously. Practicing what we have learned in books into use through personal experience and comparing and adjusting our knowledge gained from experience by books enable us better grasp knowledge and have a better understanding of the
world we live in.

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-5-1 11:29:10

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

I live in a industrialized community where there are already several factories. At first glance, the new factory would further develop our community. However, there are lots of disadvantages as well. Before rendering my conclusion of whether support this plan or oppose, I think it is very necessary to penetrate this problem through the comparison of the advantages and disadvantages it will bring.

The most important advantage the factory will bring to us may be that a newly build-up factory would certainly further develop the economy of our community. Building up a new factory requires both the labor such as carpenters and plumbers and the building materials from local market, thereby creating more jobs positions for the locals. People in our community are more likely to find a job because there are large potential jobs to choose from. At the same time, a extra factory means that the competition among factory will increase which may result in the decreasing of the price of the production they produced. The ultimate beneficiary would be the people in our community for they would charge less for buying the same product.

However, the plan of building a new factory in our community would almost certainly have some negative effects. If our community become prosperous, immigrants from poorer regions will come here looking for jobs, because of their relative poverty, they will work harder for less money than the locals and drives the wages down. There also would be more immigrants than the factory jobs available, leading to a potential crisis of unemployment and a raising crime rate as a side-effect as well.

The most concerns of the company's announcement would be the environment problems. Every factory, no matter how well managed and controlled, will almost certainly pollute the local environment, especially in regards to polluting the water. Without water, our local area can not sustain life of any kind, livestock and human. At the same time, some of resources used by factory would be unrecyclable. Once the unrecyclable resources have been run off, many potential problems would emerge and bring more and more negative effects.

According to the current situation of our community that there are already several factories which polluted our local community for years, and through the comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of building a new factory in our community, the risks have outweighed the benefits. Therefore, I believe that building a new factory in our community will not be a wise decision from the perspectives from both company and the local people.

作者: Jack_Ji 时间: 2008-5-1 11:30:35

:loveliness::cool: If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

I live in a highly developed community with nearly everything readily available. There are lots of public utilities and the transportation system is also very efficient. Most of people in our community seldom concerned about their living standard and almost every child have chance to go to schools. It seems that we have nothing worth changing; however, the most important thing I want to change in my hometown is the education system.

The education system lost its original purpose of filling empty mind to a open one and better preparing citizens for society when teachers in my hometown are trying to insert the miscellaneous information and indigestible materials to students in the traditional schools. What the students should do is sitting in front of their teachers and just listening to what teachers are talking about. Students in my hometown are so stuffed that they can have no time and was given no encouragement to draw on their own resources to analyze and synthesize the problems individuals have to face. The only thing they concerned is the scores. For example, the most "competent" student in my hometown is the one who can get the highest score in the exam. And scores have been entrenched deeply in people's heart as a critea for judging a good student.

Furthermore, students in class nearly have no chance to practice what they have learned into practice. As a result, students have to believe what their teachers told them and live in a world that only constructed by theories. Nevertheless, more and more curriculums concerning practice should be brought to schools in my hometown. We can make best use of the resources in my hometown, there are lots of companies and factories where students can grasp knowledge more deeply. Take learning physics for example, the best way for students to understand the physics world is to gain knowledge from both theory and practice.

As Socrates knew more two thousands years ago, the real education was not to stuff those miscellaneous information to the students who have long been treated as sausages, but to sparkle the interest of students to draw on their own resources to analyze the circumstances and implications of problems and find some relevant information and therefore make a wise decision. In my point of view, students are more like oysters rather than sausages. There are pearls in each of students, as long as the education system in my hometown have changed to meet the needs of permitting students in my hometown to gain knowledge from their personal experience and make decisions independently.

昨天写了3篇一气贴了~~:loveliness:

作者: 十字路口 时间: 2008-5-2 08:22:35

你的措辞比我的好的多,我很喜欢最后一段结尾,

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