第二点都没时间展开说,只好省了.既使这样还是超时10分钟.
I definitely agree that all people, not just the young, should have the ability to plan and organize. My point of contention involves the importance of planning and organizing for youngsters’ career development and their daily life.
In the long run, planning and organizing will make the young to have a clear mind about their future development such as career path. Given the limited time and energy, it is better for the youth to ask themselves: in what realm I want to devote myself? Do I have the talent essential for this career? Am I truly interested in this area? All this is necessary pre-consideration, or we say, planning. Absent of this, life is simply like a boat drifting aimlessly on the ocean.
In our daily life, we should also have the ability to arrange things in an appropriate order. Otherwise, the case would be, more often than not, that the most important thing has been totally neglected, while the trivial ones have been finished right at the start.
Plan themselves do not suffice to ensure efficiency. Many students have such an experience: when you get up in the morning and eat your breakfast, then you turn on the computer and begin to surf on the internet. After you have viewed all the news and gossips, you find that it is already noon, and the plans you have made last night are totally forgotten. This experience tells us the importance of carrying on your plan.
Needless to say, modern people should have the ability to arrange things in good order since efficiency is greatest idol of our time. Moreover, this ability is especially crucial for young people, since they have to make plans about there career path so as to embrace their glorious future.作者: yuanhu124 时间: 2008-8-29 14:19:13
I definitely agree that all people, not just the young, should have the ability to plan and organize. My point of contention involves the importance of planning and organizing for youngsters’ career development and their daily life.（开篇还是不错，一如既往的简洁明了。）
I definitely agree that all people, not just the young, should have the ability to plan and organize. My point of contention involves the importance of planning and organizing for youngsters’ career development and their daily life.（开篇还是不错，一如既往的简洁明了。）
In the long run, planning and organizing will make the young to have a clear mind about their future development such as career path. Given the limited time and energy, it is better for the youth to ask themselves: in what realm I want to devote myself? Do I have the talent essential for this career? Am I truly interested in this area? All this is necessary pre-consideration, or we say, planning. Absent of this（存疑，这样用好吗？或者请laureljia解释一下吧，也算是我学习一下）, life is simply like a boat drifting aimlessly on the ocean.
In our daily life, we should also have the ability to arrange things in an appropriate order. Otherwise, the case would be, more often than not, that the most important thing has been totally neglected, while the trivial ones have been finished right at the start.（这一段的确没怎么展开，在这里就显得有些突兀了。而且，我感觉前面第二段是客观的在讲the young，这里的主语替换成了we。个人感觉不是很合适。最好坚持把观点落在the young身上）
Plan themselves do not suffice to ensure efficiency. Many students have such an experience: when you get up in the morning and eat your breakfast, then you turn on the computer and begin to surf on the internet. After you have viewed all the news and gossips, you find that it is already noon, and the plans you have made last night are totally forgotten. This experience tells us the importance of carrying on your plan.
（这一段似乎和第一段中心句提出的两个要点：career development以及daily life脱节。如果这一段是对应的第二个要点，那也会显得前后不太均衡！）
Needless to say, modern people should have the ability to arrange things in good order since efficiency is greatest idol（这个地方我也不是很明白了，这是什么意思呢？不好意思哈，俺的英语确实比较不咋地。） of our time. Moreover, this ability is especially crucial for young people, since they have to make plans about there career path so as to embrace their glorious future. 作者: laureljia 时间: 2008-8-29 16:57:16