寄托家园留学论坛

标题: 【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】01.24号作业 by cmj [打印本页]

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-1-27 10:49:47 标题: 【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】01.24号作业 by cmj

本帖最后由 ddcmj519 于 2009-1-27 21:27 编辑

Should governments spend more money in sponsoring arts than athletics?

Tides of economic development have already swept all over world. In this trend government no doubt put great attention on cardinal issues such as GDP. But as government is called government, there is more things than economy should be taken into account, for example, arts and athletics. The question, which is equally important, exits in the balance of the subordinate aspects. Which is more important? I will stand behind arts if I was a governor.

First of all, arts do have some specific effects that can never be replaced. For one thing, arts create a paradise for people who are forced to make tens of decisions on millions of documents and sign hundreds times. Arts like music of Debussy, if applied to those people, will comfort their soul more than manual work that tires both body and mind. For another, as arts are intellectual crystals of mankind, people can also catch some inspiration in arts. Also take Debussy as the example. By listening to the Moonlight, people will inevitably fall in love with these notes and feel themselves not only relaxed from the burden but also renewed by the gentle breeze blowing from the moon. Then a fancy idea is conceived.

What's more important, arts are relatively in poverty when compared with athletics today. Government has already cost much on athletics, and the result of which is that facilities for exercising are seen in every community for free while the arts can only be seen in the museum that costs money. In this way, how can ordinary people get to known the world in artists' eye? How can they absorb the merits in the picture of Picasso and know the evil in the sculpture of Rodin? Lack of arts, in the end, will lead to people's moral defects in the concrete forests in the time of industrial.

Above all, I can not agree the government spend more on sponsoring arts any more. Gods are hiding behind arts. Intellectual crystal mines of mankind are waiting to be opened for more people; fountains of pure life are waiting to wash off the confusions; sparks of minds and arts are waiting to spurt out and lit the new road. In a time that athletics are booming while arts are in depression, why should the government hesitate? Sponsor arts now!

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-1-27 11:14:52

接下来是作业二。

嗯，我觉得我作文这个总体水平就是个还行的状态，不糟糕也不出彩，尴尬的很。现在是瓶颈阶段，有必要多去背一些出彩的句子来提高文采，立意上的话如果时间充足的话能够想出好点子。。但就是时间不够。。所以，得多熟悉题目多思考在立意上有新的提高。what's more，手速不够哇。。得去联系打字了。

作者: 词汇串讲 时间: 2009-1-27 22:42:21

关于这句我有矛盾见解“Tides of economic development have already swept all over world. In this trend government no doubt put great attention on cardinal issues such as GDP. ”
有的人说，模板里可以有些通用句子，那这句用这不错，还可以增加字数
但前阵子看《写作高分120》上18-19页，说将有的放诸四海而皆准的句子套用于第一段或最后一段，分数会很低。
对这两个观点，我自己也很矛盾。

will comfort their soul more than manual work that tires both body and mind，前面有their 表复数，所以body和mind应该也改为复数吧

ects？打错了

Sponsor arts now!我觉得可以删去，直接以why should the government hesitate to sponsor arts?结尾会更好
因为1）议论文禁用祈使句
2）用反问句结尾会给文章添分

作者: 不会太久vivian 时间: 2009-1-28 16:49:43

本帖最后由不会太久vivian 于 2009-1-28 16:54 编辑

Should governments spend more money in sponsoring arts than athletics?
9 q: e: V. j& E) U
7 ~, L5 Y0 _4 q' W

Tides of economic development have already swept all over world. In this trend government no doubt put great attention on cardinal issues such as GDP. But as government is called government(感觉不大对，as for its reputation/responsibility), there is more things than economy should be taken into account, for example, arts and athletics. The question, which is equally important, exits（exist？） in the balance of the subordinate aspects（这句没看懂·）. Which is more important? I will stand behind arts if I was a governor.
# N, O$ a, X8 Y* @1 G( _
- P- N: q! W r0 u/ C% V0 R

First of all, arts do have some specific effects that can never be replaced. For one thing, arts create a paradise for people who are forced to make tens（tons？）of decisions on millions of documents and sign hundreds times. Arts like music of Debussy, if applied to those people, will comfort their soul （more than 改为after如何？） manual work that tires both body and mind. For another, as arts are intellectual crystals of mankind, people can also catch some inspiration（pick up a few ideas ／inspired by）in arts.
Also take Debussy as the example. By listening to the Moonlight, people will inevitably fall in love with these notes and feel themselves not only relaxed from the burden but also renewed the gentle breeze blowing from the moon. Then a fancy idea is conceived.
. a% a& C4 c+ N- Z' t& J

What's more important, arts are relatively in poverty when compared with athletics today.
Government has already cost much on athletics, and the result of which is that facilities for exercising are seen in every community for free while the arts can only be seen in the museum that costs money. In this way, how can ordinary people get to known the world in artists' eye? How can they absorb the merits in the picture of Picasso and know the evil in the sculpture of Rodin? Lack of arts, in the end, will lead to people's moral ects? in the concrete forests in the time of industrial.

Above all, I can not agree the government spend more on sponsoring arts any more. Gods are hiding behind arts. Intellectual crystal mines of mankind are waiting to be opened for more people; fountains of pure life are waiting to wash off the confusions; sparks of minds and arts are waiting to spurt out and lit the new road. In a time that athletics are booming while arts are in depression, why should the government hesitate? Sponsor arts now!

正如你所说的，正在瓶颈阶段，词汇够，句式也很丰富，但整体读下来不够畅快，有点chinglish，写的很好了:loveliness: ，如果想要更出彩的话，可以多看地道的英语段子。:p

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-1-28 17:06:44

嗯嗯。。谢谢大家点评哈~

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)