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标题: 托福写作训练跪求达人指点 [打印本页]

作者: kostar 时间: 2009-3-3 18:29:02 标题: 托福写作训练跪求达人指点

Topic： Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(390words,45minutes)

            I have to admit  that the easy preparation of food has to some extent changed our lifes on various aspects. Our social lives as well as our private lives has become more and more fast paced thus force us to spend less time in doing things such as food preparing.Instant food or fast food helps us to deal with this problem, and as a result, it has changed our work habits, living preferences, even our conceptions of life.But as improving the way people live, I choose to say no considering the bad effects the easily made food has on people.

            First of all, Fast food does help us a lot in saving time for our jobs. Instant noodle, for example,allows us use less than five minutes to "cook" a bowl of dilicious noodle at any time,which, if what the advertisement says is true, is full of all kinds of nutritions and helps you recorver from fatigue very soon.But it never does! Sevarl social surveys have showed us that many workers are under subhealth due to unregular eating habit and  fast food poor in necessary nutrients and minerals.Fast food does help us save a lot of time, but at the same time costs us more to pay for the convinience.
            To our private lives, easily made food also have a very negative effect on family lives. People do not need to go back home to enjoy home-made food, instead they go to supermarkets or KFC to buy fast food. They cut the time for preparing food as well as the time spending with their family members. Wives need not learn to cook, husbands have excuses not to go back home, children can eat at school.Less communication leads tensions turning up and is followed by a series of problems among family members. This is not a family life should look like!
            Last but not the least, easily prepared food has caused a lot of environment problemssuch as the threaten of public health,white pollution, food waste and so on.
            Though we may have a lot of benefits with easily made food, but from a different lens, from a  longer and deeper view, we may easily find out that we pay much much more precious things we own to "buy" those minor adventages. In conlusion, fast food has changed but not improved our lives.

作者: saavedro 时间: 2009-3-3 18:29:42

楼主需要加入小组参加互改作文才可以

作者: jiang08 时间: 2009-3-4 09:21:25

第一段要简明扼要表达主旨，“Our social lives as well as our private lives has become more and more fast paced thus force us to spend less time in doing things such as food preparing.Instant food or fast food helps us to deal with this problem, and as a result, it has changed our work habits, living preferences, even our conceptions of life.But as improving the way people live,”太冗长，写the new generation of food saves us time and energy, but I XXXX.
第二段的第一句要把营养不好的事情写出来，不然这个theme sentence就是方便食品节省时间（which不符合你的总论点）
关于家庭生活的论述我觉得很好，但是第三点关于环境的（注意不要把健康放进去），要么展开写，要么不写。
再说下语言，表达太chinglish了，有些地方像google翻译的。。比如“Less communication leads tensions turning up ”，建议 less communication leads to the rise of tensions。还有最后的“ from a longer and deeper view, ”=.=b。。。。注意中英文语序不同，多看看英文杂志报纸什么的，表达方法要加强。

作者: kostar 时间: 2009-3-4 20:10:44

非常感谢！ 3# jiang08

作者: kostar 时间: 2009-3-4 20:21:18

Topic A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position

(364words)

I fundamentally welcome the company's announcement of building a large factory near our community.It will create jobs and offer more employment oppotunities to the citizens. And the community will benefit much more from the large factory in the long run. Some people may worry about the bad effects such as enviroment pollution, but to consider it as a whole, we may find that the adventages outweigh the disadventages.

First of all, a large factory means a great number of work positions which can help to solve or at least relieve the employment pressure of the community. Nowadays, social competition has become more and more fierce. Many laid-off workers are living under the poverty line.What's worse,young people who have no jobs tend to do bad things endangering public safety. The building of a large factory near the community will benefit these people by employing them and paying them for their work. And most people will love to work near their homes.Actually, the factory will improve the community both economically and politically.

With the factory build up near the community, not only a huge number of work positions would be available to the citizens, but also a lot of public facilities would be improved. Roads would be wider ,longer and always kept in good condition.Power supply as well as water supply would be more secure and stable. And as an addition to the large factory, the company may also build up a series of entertainment parks for the workers of the factory to get relaxed, which would also be enjoyed by other people living in the community.

However, we must also take all the possible disadventages of the factory into consideration. Does the factory pipe out waste water which is poisonous or does it make a lot of noise?Only after all these potential threats and problems have been solved, we can safely reach an agreement on the building of the factory.

From the analysis above, we can make a conclusion that,generaly speaking, building a large factory near the community will benefit us a lot in many aspects, though some defects should be taken consideration. I, as a member of the community, will support the commpany’s decision.

作者: 奔跑蜗牛 时间: 2009-3-4 20:25:00

建议楼主加入小组
你写的别人改
你也改别人的

作者: kostar 时间: 2009-3-4 20:31:37

小组操作太麻烦了，有谁发文求拍我也会帮忙拍的！ 6# 奔跑蜗牛

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