标题: 0910G【Try Best】第一小组 argument238 by GG86_Fly [打印本页] 作者: GG86_Fly 时间: 2009-5-24 10:18:08 标题: 0910G【Try Best】第一小组 argument238 by GG86_Fly
不只用了一个小时，跳出去的时候我还有几乎2段没有写完
TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resum¨¦s and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 387
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2009-5-23 Íõè´ 21:28:16
By making a comparison of Green Mountain College, which seems to have a higher employment rate of graduating seniors last year, with Mira Vista College, of which the employment situation the arguer thought was not as successful (optimistic) as Green Mountain College, the argument for offering more business and computer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order to help Mira Vista's graduates find jobs seems logical. However, careful (rigorous) examination reveals some flaws that make the arguer's suggestion unconvincing.
First of all, the argument is based on an incomplete comparison between the two colleges. The author simply assumes that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College, but he does not provide any substantial evidence to certify his assumption. Although 90 percent appears to be large, accurate number of the final employed graduated seniors is not given. Maybe after the probationary period, some of these graduates are rejected by their former employer. It is also fallacious to the author to believe that the situation in his college is not optimal. He fails to consider those seniors who did not inform the placement office that were still seeking employment, how many of them had received an offer? And what is the number of those who found jobs within six or seven months after graduation? And those who just found part-times jobs, but finally made their decision to take it as a full-times job? Even if most of them were not employed in their major field of study, there is no reason why a prospective job should relevant to their major.
Even if the arguer's conclusion that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College is true. There is no evidence to substantiate that more business courses and more job counselors are contribute to the success of Green Mountain College. How many graduates have chosen the business courses and how many of them who chose it could keep awake though the class? And how many graduates went to the job counselors and accepted their suggestions? Moreover, is the main problem that lacking resumes and interviewing skills of the Mira Vista College graduates that weaken their competition in find jobs?Maybe their potential is not as good as other candidates.
Even if the above conclusions, that is, more business course and job counselors have a crucial affect on graduates and the problem with the seniors of Mira Vista College is their poor resumes and interview skills, are true. However, the arguer can not convince me that business and computer technology courses and job counselors can improve the resumes and interview skills of their graduates. Common sense tells us that the course on how to write a perfect resume and to perform better in an interview can get a rapid and efficient effort, rather than adding more irrelevant courses and more counselors (we still don't know whether they are already enough in Mira Vista College).
In conclusion, the argument has some flaws as discussed above. If the arguer wants to improve his argument, he should first find more substantial evidences to make me believe that the employment of Green Mountain College is better, and he should also certify that there are no other alternatives to illustrate the success of Green Mountain College. Then another suggestion rather than following the lead of Green Mountain College maybe better for Mira Vista College.
作者: 442371236 时间: 2009-5-28 09:12:02
By making a comparison of Green Mountain Collegemake comparison 是固定搭配吧，想表达在一个方面作比较应该是make comparison in one aspect吧, which seems to have to have 换成having似乎更合适 a higher employment rate of graduating seniors last year, with Mira Vista College, of which the employment situation the arguer thought was not as successful (optimistic) as Green Mountain College, the argument for offering more business and computer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order to help Mira Vista's graduates find jobs seems logical. However, careful (rigorous) examination reveals some flaws that make the arguer's suggestion unconvincing.
First of all, the argument is based on an incomplete comparison between the two colleges. The author simply assumes that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College, but he does not provide any substantial evidence to certify his assumption. Although 90 percent appears to be large, accurate number of the final employed graduated seniors is not given. Maybe after the probationary period, some of these graduates are rejected by their former employer. It is also fallacious to to 变ofthe author to believe that the situation in his college is not optimal. He fails to consider those seniors who did not inform the placement office that were still seeking employment, how many of them had received an offer? And what is the number of those who found jobs within six or seven months after graduation? And those who just found part-times jobs, but finally made their decision to take it as a full-times job? Even if most of them were not employed in their major field of study, there is no reason why a prospective job should relevant to their major.（这段论点找得多，表达得也够犀利，不错。！
Even if the arguer's conclusion that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College is true. There is no evidence to substantiate that more business courses and more job counselors are contribute to the success of Green Mountain College. How many graduates have chosen the business courses and how many of them who chose it could keep awake though through the class? And how many graduates went to the job counselors and accepted their suggestions? Moreover, it is the main problem that lacking resumes and interviewing skills of the Mira Vista College graduates that weaken their competition in find jobs?Maybe their potential is not as good as other candidates.
Even if the above conclusions, that is, more business course and job counselors have a crucial affect on graduates and the problem with the seniors of Mira Vista College is their poor resumes and interview skills, are true. However, the arguer can not convince me us that business and computer technology courses and job counselors can improve the resumes and interview skills of their graduates. Common sense tells us that the course on how to write a perfect resume and to perform better in an interview can get a rapid and efficient effort, rather than adding more irrelevant courses and more counselors (we still don't know whether they are already enough in Mira Vista College).
In conclusion, the argument has some flaws as discussed above. If the arguer wants to improve his argument, he should first find more substantial evidences to make meus 否则大家会认为让你一个人知道了就是真理了吗。 believe that the employment of Green Mountain College is better, and he should also certify that there are no other alternatives to illustrate the success of Green Mountain College. Then another suggestion rather than following the lead of Green Mountain College maybe may be better for Mira Vista College.（一个小时写出这样的文章，很不错啊，写过不少文章了吧。词汇用得也挺深，句式比较富于变化，但是，作文argument，我觉得中间的分段处理可以更巧妙，我觉得这种逻辑分段，如果没有很强的把握能力，很难做到层次分明，first second third 这种未尝不可以尝试下。这样层次显而易见。文章找辩驳点广而pertinent，能把握一两个主要详细点俩攻击，举例啊。其余的就可以用你中间的排比一一列出，不但有气势，也没漏掉驳点。嘿，很不错。加油~！）作者: 小红莓 时间: 2009-5-28 17:09:04
By making a comparison of Green Mountain College, which seems to have a higher employment rate of graduating seniors last year, with Mira Vista College, of which the employment situation the arguer thought was not as successful (optimistic) as Green Mountain College, the argument for offering more business and computer technology courses and hiring additional job counselors in order to help Mira Vista's graduates find jobs seems logical. However, careful (rigorous) examination reveals some flaws that make the arguer's suggestion unconvincing.
First of all, the argument is based on an incomplete comparison between the two colleges. The author simply assumes that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College, but he does not provide any substantial evidence to certify his assumption. Although 90 percent appears to be large, accurate number of the final employed graduated seniors is not given. Maybe after the probationary period, some of these graduates are rejected by their former employer（就算被辞退退了，当初毕竟也就业了啊。我感觉在时间问题上，你后面写到的 “Mira Vista College的学生在三个月以后找到工作了，三个月不足以说明问题”比较合适）. It is also fallacious to（for） the author to believe that the situation in his college is not optimal. He fails to consider those seniors who did not inform the placement office that were still seeking employment, how many of them had received an offer（offers）? And what is the number of those who found jobs within six or seven months after graduation? And those who just found part-times jobs, but finally made their decision to take it as a full-times job? Even if most of them were not employed in their major field of study, there is no reason why（that吧？） a prospective job should relevant to（应该是be relevant to ） their major.
Even if the arguer's conclusion that the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better than that of Mira Vista College is true. There is no evidence to substantiate that more business courses and more job counselors are contribute to the success of Green Mountain College.（把这两句合成一句话，even if引导的只能算半句话，语法上说不过去） How many graduates have chosen the business courses and how many of them who chose it could keep awake though the class? And how many graduates went to the job counselors and accepted their suggestions? Moreover, is the main problem that lacking resumes and interviewing skills of the Mira Vista College graduates that weaken their competition in find jobs? Maybe their potential is not as good as other candidates.
Even if the above conclusions, that is, more business course and job counselors have a crucial affect on graduates and the problem with the seniors of Mira Vista College is their poor resumes and interview skills, are true. However, the arguer can not convince me that business and computer technology courses and job counselors can improve the resumes and interview skills of their graduates. Common sense tells us that the course on how to write a perfect resume and to perform better in an interview can get a rapid and efficient effort, rather than adding more irrelevant courses and more counselors (we still don't know whether they are already enough in Mira Vista College).
In conclusion, the argument has some flaws as discussed above. If the arguer wants to improve his argument, he should first find more substantial evidences to make me believe that the employment of Green Mountain College is better, and he should also certify that there are no other alternatives to illustrate the success of Green Mountain College. Then another suggestion rather than following the lead of Green Mountain College maybe better for Mira Vista College.