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标题: 〓DIES IN FLAMS〓　Issue190 by cmj [打印本页]

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-5-25 22:53:53 标题: 〓DIES IN FLAMS〓　Issue190 by cmj

190 "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate—and, perhaps, even cruel—when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

When will there be a society that no one suffers from starvation? Perhaps the answer sounds desperate for our humanity. From the beginning of human society, those cavemen gathered for safety and food. Till now, we keep the habit of staying together in the concrete forest while still hanging around every single minute for the fulfillment in stomach. We are strong, as well as vulnerable, within the cage of power and right. We may have funds, insurances as well as subsidies from government in case of some catastrophes, but they still seem too little to help when a storm of economic depression swept all over. The Great Depression in 1930s may not be remembered by many but the contemporary one must leave everyone a nightmare. Even the Titan of motors, like General Motors, faces bankruptcy. Even Nike has cut down its faculty number. How will those job-losers sustain their family since then?

Meanwhile, artists are facing poor life. Their spirits in the works may not cater to society at first; their forms of expression may not be understood by most; they can not make enough money from their talents. If there was no such a shock in society, those rich people would like to purchase on arts. But as the depressive wave washes off their extra money, and clears up their desire to purchase on things not practical, arts, under the effects of Lipstick, find their life harsh than ever. What can we do to help? Some of them will give us the lasting value of humanity, others contains the essence of our culture. We can not leave it alone with our consciousness.

But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs.

The current situation in China does point out the leading way. At present, even if there was not such an economic strike, there are still a myriad of people in west China living under the line of poverty. Children in those poor counties walk miles to have a sit in a shabby classroom. Their lunches are only potatoes. Potatoes all day and all year. They may look up with their innocent watery eye, showing their desperate needs for knowledge. Bills need to be paid for their classrooms, text books, teachers and etc. They need to be taught how to earn themselves a better life. But when these children grow up, with some knowledge about the outside world, they start to move, to work in cities, buried their homeland culture deep inside to adapt to the hasty pace of modern life. Their homeland culture, a special ritual or some folks or some traditional ways of drawing, are endangered with their scarce offspring willing to learn this nonprofit craft. Culture is diminishing, which were our Chinese once so much pride of.

Fortunately, Government, with their highest morality, has been doing the things at a standard of satisfaction. Large sums of money are paid on the Hope Projects building a firm future for children, while policies and rural culture exhibitions are passed and held to broadcast the traditional spirits. Some local conventions now welcome tourists to enjoy. Some folks are sung at the stage of stadium. Some straw-made pictures have been looking upon, and apprentices are again around the old artists learning the dying ancient art. Our human needs both the material as well as culture to nurture our growth. Elites who take the control of public resources know it perfectly. They combine the food supply tightly with the irrigation of spirits form aspects of culture, in the trail to make members of society live in a life that is warm and enrich.

No one expects hunger. No one likes to be trunk that does not think either. Money can solve hunger, but never will the thoughts. Encouragement is then needed rather than payment to incentive artists to nutrient the famine land of culture. Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying, especially when considered that only a limited range of artist will share the amount of money. That is to say, to use it on projects that benefit more and their future will count more. Same significance with policies that support artists.

版务事儿有点多。。额。。。明天再仔细改哇哇。。。结尾瞎写了。。。

作者: 米饭袜子 时间: 2009-5-25 23:14:29

占SF欣赏酱酱习作（不管分哪组俺都要给酱酱改~~muuuua~）

作者: jessicalulu 时间: 2009-5-26 17:18:31

本帖最后由 jessicalulu 于 2009-5-26 22:05 编辑

（to be continued~~）
190 "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate—and, perhaps, even cruel—when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

When will there be a society that no one suffers from starvation? Perhaps the answer sounds desperate for our humanity. （喜欢这句。搬走了）From the beginning of human society, those cavemen gathered for safety and food. Till now, we keep the habit of staying together in the concrete forest while still hanging around every single minute for the fulfillment in stomach. We are strong, as well as vulnerable, within the cage of power and right. We may have funds, insurances as well as subsidies from government in case of some catastrophes, but they still seem too little to help when a storm of economic depression swept all over. The Great Depression in 1930s may not be remembered by many but the contemporary one must leave everyone a nightmare. Even the Titan of motors, like General Motors, faces bankruptcy. Even Nike has cut down its faculty number. How will those job-losers sustain their family since then? （我的天，你写得太个性了，看到目前为止，尚未见arts。。。实在没有见过这种GRE作文的文风啊~很散文啊~功力很强大啊~）（记下这个例子哈~）

Meanwhile, artists are facing poor life. Their spirits in the works may not cater to society at first; their forms of expression may not be understood by most; they can not make enough money from their talents. If there was no such a shock in society, those rich people would like to purchase on arts. But as the depressive wave washes off their extra money, and clears up their desire to purchase on things not practical, arts, under the effects of Lipstick, find their life harsh than ever. What can we do to help? Some of them will give us the lasting value of humanity, others contains（contain） the essence of our culture. We can not leave it alone with our consciousness.

But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs.（题目好像没有all needs这个意思吧。。。我理解的是对人类生存所必须的一些社会问题而已。。。）

The current situation in China does point out the leading way. At present, even if there was not such an economic strike, there are still a myriad of people in west China living under the line of poverty. Children in those poor counties walk miles to have a sit in a shabby classroom. Their lunches are only potatoes. Potatoes all day and all year. They may look up with their innocent watery eye, showing their desperate needs for knowledge. Bills need to be paid for their classrooms, text books, teachers and etc. They need to be taught how to earn themselves a better life. But when these children grow up, with some knowledge about the outside world, they start to move, to work in cities, buried their homeland culture deep inside to adapt to the hasty pace of modern life. Their homeland culture, a special ritual or some folks or some traditional ways of drawing, are endangered with their scarce offspring willing to learn this nonprofit craft. Culture is diminishing, which were our Chinese once so much pride of.

Fortunately, Government, with their highest morality, has been doing the things at a standard of satisfaction. Large sums of money are paid on the Hope Projects building a firm future for children, while policies and rural culture exhibitions are passed and held to broadcast the traditional spirits. Some local conventions now welcome tourists to enjoy. Some folks are sung at the stage of stadium. Some straw-made pictures have been looking upon, and apprentices are again around the old artists learning the dying ancient art. Our human needs both the material as well as culture to nurture our growth. Elites who take the control of public resources know it perfectly. They combine the food supply tightly with the irrigation of spirits form aspects of culture, in the trail to make members of society live in a life that is warm and enrich.

No one expects hunger. No one likes to be trunk that does not think either. Money can solve hunger, but never will the thoughts. Encouragement is then needed rather than payment to incentive artists to nutrient the famine land of culture. Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying, especially when considered that only a limited range of artist will share the amount of money. That is to say, to use it on projects that benefit more and their future will count more. Same significance with policies that support artists.

唉，我还是觉得改不出什么来了，差距太大了，拜读好了。。。

作者: 刚刚好 时间: 2009-5-26 21:04:42

本帖最后由刚刚好于 2009-5-26 21:07 编辑

190 "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate—and, perhaps, even cruel—when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

When will there be a society that no one suffers from starvation? Perhaps the answer sounds desperate for our humanity. From the beginning of human society, those cavemen gathered for safety and food. Till now, we keep the habit of staying together in the concrete forest while still hanging around every single minute for the fulfillment in stomach. We are strong, as well as vulnerable, within the cage of power and right. We may have funds, insurances as well as subsidies from government in case of some catastrophes, but they still seem too little to help when a storm of economic depression swept all over. The Great Depression in 1930s may not be remembered by many but the contemporary one must leave everyone a nightmare. Even the Titan of motors, like General Motors, faces bankruptcy. Even Nike has cut down its faculty number. How will those job-losers sustain their family since then?

这个开头太狠了吧，传说中的自由式写作啊。。。

Meanwhile, artists are facing poor life. Their spirits in the works may not cater to society at first; their forms of expression may not be understood by most; they can not make enough money from their talents.对artist的理解太到位了！学习！ If there was no such a shock in society, those rich people would like to purchase on arts. But as the depressive wave washes off their extra money, and clears up their desire to purchase on things not practical, arts, under the effects of Lipstick, find their life harsh than ever. What can we do to help? Some of them will give us the lasting value of humanity, others contains the essence of our culture. We can not leave it alone with our consciousness.

But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs.

The current situation in China does point out the leading way. At present, even if there was not such an economic strike, there are still a myriad of people in west China living under the line of poverty. Children in those poor counties walk miles to have a sit in a shabby classroom. Their lunches are only potatoes. Potatoes all day and all year. They may look up with their innocent watery eye, showing their desperate needs for knowledge.这段描写得很传神！你所描绘的景象感觉就在眼前Bills need to be paid for their classrooms, text books, teachers and etc. They need to be taught how to earn themselves a better life. But when these children grow up, with some knowledge about the outside world, they start to move, to work in cities, buried their homeland culture deep inside to adapt to the hasty pace of modern life. Their homeland culture, a special ritual or some folks or some traditional ways of drawing, are endangered with their scarce offspring willing to learn this nonprofit craft. Culture is diminishing, which were our Chinese once so much pride of.

Fortunately, Government, with their highest morality, has been doing the things at a standard of satisfaction. Large sums of money are paid on the Hope Projects building a firm future for children, while policies and rural culture exhibitions are passed and held to broadcast the traditional spirits. Some local conventions now welcome tourists to enjoy. Some folks are sung at the stage of stadium. Some straw-made pictures have been looking upon, and apprentices are again around the old artists learning the dying ancient art. Our human needs both the material as well as culture to nurture our growth. Elites who take the control of public resources know it perfectly. They combine the food supply tightly with the irrigation of spirits form aspects of culture, in the trail to make members of society live in a life that is warm and enrich.

No one expects hunger. No one likes to be trunk that does not think either. Money can solve hunger, but never will the thoughts.真简练！ Encouragement is then needed rather than payment to incentive artists to nutrient the famine land of culture. Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying, especially when considered that only a limited range of artist will share the amount of money. That is to say, to use it on projects that benefit more and their future will count more. Same significance with policies that support artists.

版务事儿有点多。。额。。。明天再仔细改哇哇。。。结尾瞎写了。。。

非常棒的文笔，简洁的语言表达深刻的道理，很佩服，这篇文章我一定要多看几遍

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-5-26 21:52:04

这个，，我都还没来的及自己改乃们就帮俺改完了哇。。谢谢谢谢。。

基本上就是一个idea flow的文。所以中间可能有些纰漏。
我再改改啦~
thx 4 ur comments~

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-5-26 21:54:53

我的天，你写得太个性了，看到目前为止，尚未见arts。。。实在没有见过这种GRE作文的文风啊~很散文啊~功力很强大啊

in fact 我崇拜的test1的满分范文就是这种idea/history flow 的感觉。由浅入深的剖析题目最后得到一个适当的结论。我很推崇，也很适应，写的很爽，嘿嘿。文风这东西的话就是个人习惯啦，嘿嘿，说不定你们也会有创新性写法~？

作者: 米饭袜子 时间: 2009-5-27 01:14:09

本帖最后由米饭袜子于 2009-5-27 01:15 编辑

语言方面米饭实在没发言权，略过（其实是在变相夸奖~~）
嗯，多余的煽情的话就不说了，提我看到的问题吧，提的不对的地方酱酱一定一定要包着米饭昂~
1、       开头两端用大量的生动实例和大篇幅有点背景开头的意思，但看到最后But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs.让人突然很失望（也可能只有我有这感觉|||）---------原来前面两大段其实是在扩写原题！把原题又变相复述了一遍。窃以为出题者之所以把这个题扔出来就是因为看到了你开头两端提到的这些种种及But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs这个问题。而出题者想看到的是你对“该把钱用在哪儿”这个问题的看法，这个问题私以为应该是文章的主干，如果是这样的话，那么前两段占去如此大篇幅的叙述会不会就显得繁琐冗长了呢？
2、       在结尾我找到你的观点是Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying。但你BUT之后的两段对这个观点的证明让人看不太明白
先是说到CHINA的西部教育落后问题，进而提出由于那些孩子长大后都十分排斥自己的本土文化导致Culture is diminishing, which were our Chinese once so much pride of.
然后又提到政府的希望工程和一系列复兴文化的政策，我从这段找出一句应该是代表你想表达的观点的一句话：Our human needs both the material as well as culture to nurture our growth。
那么这段和上一段是什么逻辑关系呢？从这段的首句来看，应该是一个转折关系，也就是说这段你想要证明的是政府在文化复兴这方面做了努力而不仅仅是去解决material的问题。
这是我对这两段的理解（可能不对）然后呢？我看不出Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying。这句话得到了证明。相反，结尾这段让我看到最后感觉莫名其妙。
3、       咱们在BS的时候曾经多次破过这道题，我到现在还是认为，这道题的应该去回应inappropriate&cruel，即，把钱用到art上到底是不是XXX了呢？
4、       感觉你在文章中时而提culture时而提art，很乱，如果你是想把art扩展到culture这个层面上来谈，觉得最好一上来就给定义一下。
5、       结尾段确实很乱额。。。。（版面上的事儿辛苦了。。。我都没帮啥忙。。。。）
No one expects hunger. No one likes to be trunk that does not think either. Money can solve hunger, but never will the thoughts. Encouragement is then needed rather than payment to incentive（额，这个词只有名词和形容词的说） artists to nutrient the famine land of culture.（看不懂） Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying, especially when considered that only a limited range of artist will share the amount of money（在文中找不到对应）. That is to say, to use it on projects that benefit more and their future will count more（不懂）. Same significance with policies that support artists.

P.S.同主题那个明天帮你看好不。。。。我明天自己破下题先~

作者: ddcmj519 时间: 2009-5-28 13:04:28

1、开头两端用大量的生动实例和大篇幅有点背景开头的意思，但看到最后But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs.让人突然很失望（也可能只有我有这感觉|||）---------原来前面两大段其实是在扩写原题！把原题又变相复述了一遍。窃以为出题者之所以把这个题扔出来就是因为看到了你开头两端提到的这些种种及But the problem is that, the public money that can be used is limited and far from enough to comfort all needs这个问题。而出题者想看到的是你对“该把钱用在哪儿”这个问题的看法，这个问题私以为应该是文章的主干，如果是这样的话，那么前两段占去如此大篇幅的叙述会不会就显得繁琐冗长了呢？

（第三遍敲= = 我个人的bug。。。）
说的好哇~我还是忍不住想去靠靠题目。。结果。。。得改。这样
to be honest with our ethics, how can we only focus on the short term salvation for the majority and just forget about the long run of spirital construction by the minority?
至于前两段，不打算动，我崇拜的test1也是按照现状逐渐过渡到剖析的模式的。><

3、咱们在BS的时候曾经多次破过这道题，我到现在还是认为，这道题的应该去回应inappropriate&cruel，即，把钱用到art上到底是不是XXX了呢？

其实那俩词的意思就是为了说明不该在art上花钱，表达的强烈了一些，但实质是不变的。

4、感觉你在文章中时而提culture时而提art，很乱，如果你是想把art扩展到culture这个层面上来谈，觉得最好一上来就给定义一下。

这个是我的臭毛病。。。长期以来。陋习。。。虽然我每次写的时候都小心着不要思维跳跃了。。。还是难免一个不小心就蹦出去了。。前面想的太多了，就经常导致写的时候一个昏就啥都抖出去了额。。注意注意。。一定要改。嗯。

5、结尾段确实很乱额。。。。
No one expects hunger. No one likes to be trunk that does not think either. Money can solve hunger, but never will the thoughts. Encouragement is then needed rather than payment to incentive（额，这个词只有名词和形容词的说） artists to nutrient the famine land of culture.（看不懂） Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying, especially when considered that only a limited range of artist will share the amount of money（在文中找不到对应）. That is to say, to use it on projects that benefit more and their future will count more（不懂）. Same significance with policies that support artists.
2、在结尾我找到你的观点是Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying。但你BUT之后的两段对这个观点的证明让人看不太明白
先是说到CHINA的西部教育落后问题，进而提出由于那些孩子长大后都十分排斥自己的本土文化导致Culture is diminishing, which were our Chinese once so much pride of.
然后又提到政府的希望工程和一系列复兴文化的政策，我从这段找出一句应该是代表你想表达的观点的一句话：Our human needs both the material as well as culture to nurture our growth。
那么这段和上一段是什么逻辑关系呢？从这段的首句来看，应该是一个转折关系，也就是说这段你想要证明的是政府在文化复兴这方面做了努力而不仅仅是去解决material的问题。
这是我对这两段的理解（可能不对）然后呢？我看不出Thus, considered all the potential needs of public money, art is not that worthy paying。这句话得到了证明。相反，结尾这段让我看到最后感觉莫名其妙。

嗯。都是结尾段的问题。要彻底大翻修~~！！
米饭的意见都很好呢~~
(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

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