标题: 0910AW 第三期ARGUMENT242 by cc [打印本页] 作者: .C.C. 时间: 2009-6-11 00:16:49 标题: 0910AW 第三期ARGUMENT242 by cc
本帖最后由 .C.C. 于 2009-6-13 16:14 编辑
TOPIC: ARGUMENT242 - The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
WORDS: 422 TIME: 00:49:03 DATE: 2009-6-10 23:52:19
In this argument, the author unfairly draws a conclusion that students will cheat less if honor codes is adopted. However, after pounder over the argument, which based on dubious assumptions and a baseless fact as the case in Groveton, it suffers some logical flaws.
To begin with, the author cites that the number of first year's cheating case is less than five years later. That he fails to show the other four years' exact number of cheating cases makes his assertion that cheating cases is decreasing unconvincing. Maybe other years' cheating cases is far more than the first year's, or the number of the whole six years' is rather random, which, say in other words, these two numbers can not assure us the students are really tend to lean on themselves rather than cheating.
Additionally, granting the whole trend reflected by the whole six years is less students are caught cheating, the author also cannot persuade us the cheating rate in Groveton is lower indeed owning to the honor codes. Perhaps, the method become effective in the first year. However, as it do harm to the students' relationship, they are not willing to notify cheats pay for the sacrifice of their friendship, while teachers still believe in their students will notify every cheaters and thus pay no attention to the cheating. In a word, the actual number of cheating increase while the reported ones decrease. Or perhaps, the major agent in decreasing of cheating is other developed method, such as the realization about disadvantages of cheating, or the high-tech equipments prevent students from cheating.
A third problem is the arguer's assertion that the students will never cheat if they agree not to. Consider our law, which forbid crimes, everyone should and must agree to abide by it. Still, crimes are reported everyday, and considerable criminals assert they are innocent until the final judgements come. Moreover, the students may not willing to adopt such codes, but their teachers demand them to do so. In the end, everyone appeared agreeable not to cheat, but they still like to cheat in their core.
In sum, in my humble opinion, to make the argument ever convincing, the author should provide us with the precise number of cheating cases during the six years, other not caught cheats included. Also, a comparison between the before-and-after willingness to cheat among students in Groveton is needed. Moreover, to avoid cheating, other avenues should be explored, for example, high-tech facilities, a deep understanding of the disadvantages of cheating and so forth.
TOPIC: ARGUMENT242 - The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
WORDS: 422 TIME: 00:49:03 DATE: 2009-6-10 23:52:19
In this argument, the author unfairly draws a conclusion that students will cheat less if honor codes is adopted. However这是个转折~用了就表示和你上面那句话意思相反了应当用个表示并列或递进的词, after pounder over the argument, which based on dubious assumptions and a baseless fact as the case in Groveton, it suffers some logical flaws. 开头简练，我喜欢
To begin with, the author cites that the number of first year's cheating case is less than five years later. That he fails to show the other four years' exact number of cheating cases makes his assertion that cheating cases is decreasing unconvincing语法有些偏差~再改改~看起来有点怪. Maybe other years' cheating cases is far more than the first year's, or the number of the whole six years' is rather random, which, say in other words, these two numbers can not assure us the students are really tend to lean on themselves rather than cheating.
Additionally, granting the whole trend reflected by the whole six years is less students are caught cheating, the author also cannot persuade us the cheating rate in Groveton is lower indeed owning to the honor codes. Perhaps, the method become effective in the first year. However, as it do harm to the students' relationship, they are not willing to notify cheats pay for the sacrifice of their friendship, while teachers still believe in their students will notify every cheaters and thus pay no attention to the cheating.意思很明白，但是语言还需精炼 In a word, the actual number of cheating increase while the reported ones decrease. Or perhaps, the major agent in decreasing of cheating is other developed method, such as the realization about disadvantages of cheating, or the high-tech equipments prevent students from cheating.
A third problem is the arguer's assertion that the students will never cheat if they agree not to. Consider our law, which forbid crimes, everyone should and must agree to abide by it. Still, crimes are reported everyday, and considerable criminals assert they are innocent until the final judgements come. Moreover, the students may not willing to adopt such codes, but their teachers demand them to do so. In the end, everyone appeared agreeable not to cheat, but they still like to cheat in their core.
最后一个谬误找的有些……奇怪……不是主要谬误~建议攻击主要谬误，此段需改
In sum, in my humble opinion, to make the argument ever convincing, the author should provide us with the precise number of cheating cases during the six years, other not caught cheats included. Also, a comparison between the before-and-after willingness to cheat among students in Groveton is needed. Moreover, to avoid cheating, other avenues should be explored, for example, high-tech facilities, a deep understanding of the disadvantages of cheating and so forth.
In this argument, the author unfairly draws a conclusion that students will cheat less if honor codes is adopted. However, after pounder over the argument, which based on dubious assumptions and a baseless fact （小小提醒：用这个的时候还是要考虑一下实际的argument有没有假设和无根据的事实，因为我看你每次都用、、） as the case in Groveton, it suffers some logical flaws.
To begin with, the author cites that the number of first year's cheating case is less than five years later(这里的时间有点模糊，要加一个after the adoption of honored code). That(The problem that) he fails to show the other four years' exact number of cheating cases makes his assertion that cheating cases is decreasing unconvincing. Maybe other years' cheating cases is far more than the first year's, or the number of the whole six years' is rather random, which, say in other words, these two numbers can not assure us the students are really tend to lean on themselves rather than cheating. （这个句子太长了，包含了3个小句、建议把他们稍微分开，然后由逻辑关联词连接起来）
Additionally, granting the whole trend reflected by the whole six years is less students are caught cheating（英语表达一般不句子套句子的，除非是从句，所以要改成 is that。其实这样的表达啰嗦，如果我说就是：Granting the decreasing trend of spotted cheat reflected by）
, the author also cannot persuade us the cheating rate in Groveton is lower(还是大句子不包含小句子的问题，把他换成名词， 而且你可以直接说such trend, 因为前面一句已经提到了) indeed owning to the honor codes. Perhaps, the method becomes effective in the first year. However, as it do harm to the students' relationship, they are not willing to notify cheats pay for the sacrifice of their friendship (at the sacrifice of), while teachers still believe in their students will notify every cheaters and thus pay no attention to the cheating (啰嗦了，直接可以说teachers still trusts their students). In a word, the actual number of cheating increases while the reported ones decrease. Or perhaps, the major agent in decreasing of cheating is other developed method, such as the realization about disadvantages of cheating, or the high-tech equipments prevent students from cheating. (最后这个论证得很笼统。因为如果你只是提一提，那么这些可能性有50%在你手中，50%在作者手中，所以你的论证最多是个平手，除非你能通过推理和常识挂上钩、而且注意时态啊，argu的内容都是过去发生的、、)
A third problem is the arguer's assertion that the students will never cheat if they agree not to. Consider our law, which forbid crimes, everyone should and must agree to abide by it. Still, crimes are reported everyday, and considerable criminals assert they are innocent until the final judgements come. （argu做类比分析的时候一定要谨慎，甚至是不推荐的，因为argu本身就是驳类比的，如果你再引用一个类比的话，而这个类比存在漏洞的话那就是等于拿石头砸自己的脚）Moreover, the students may not willing to adopt such codes, but their teachers demand them to do so. In the end, everyone appeared agreeable not to cheat, but they still like to cheat in their core（clandestinely）.
In sum, in my humble opinion, to make the argument ever convincing, the author should provide us with the precise number of cheating cases during the six years, other not caught cheats included. Also, a comparison between the before-and-after willingness to cheat among students in Groveton is needed. Moreover, to avoid cheating, other avenues should be explored, for example, high-tech facilities, a deep understanding of the disadvantages of cheating and so forth.
第二段抓住了一个很大的漏洞
第三段也抓住了一个很明显的漏洞： the actual number of cheating increases while the reported ones decrease。
第四段就很牵强了，毕竟他们cheat 和没有cheat我们通过什么来衡量了，作者提出的是数据和调查，你要么驳斥他们的不可靠，要么想出一个更可靠的。
结论我没改，因为cc的分析没有很透彻，所以结论肯定存在一些问题，建议深刻的分析一下文章的因果关系再重写一遍、、、我闪人了、、