标题: issue69 by [728西安]小红莓 [打印本页] 作者: 小红莓 时间: 2009-7-11 23:01:43 标题: issue69 by [728西安]小红莓
TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
WORDS: 522
TIME: 01:01:15
DATE: 2009-7-11 22:56:07
Science was both created and used by human beings to improve the quality of live and quicken the speed of social development. Even if some few want to make special use of it to attain individual profits, the attitude of whole society is to benefit humans. Here arises a question: should government place few restrictions on scientific research and development, as the arguer claims? In response to this issue, we need to have a all-around consideration systemically. I think that scientific research and development should be given a free space so that it could develop in a high speed. However, at the same time, government should place some regulations and rules on it so that it could develop healthily.
To begin with, science has brought huge benefit to human beings for thousands of years since the moment it was born, and without deny it will continue to benefit us, so it should be protected and developed in the future. Without the discovery of electricity, nights would still dark and boring. Without the creation of computer, works would still inefficient and tiresome. Without science, people may still as ignorant as primitive and the truth would be covered in the dark deep sea forever.
The progresses of the scientific researches are always hard and long, some of which are made by a group of people which is sustained by government and the others are made by individuals without anyone's help or even antagonized by the whole society at one's time. With the help of government, the researches are always easy to continue because government could solve many critical problems such as the fund, personnel, and so on. On the contrary, some scientists finish their great research all by themselves. Take Copernicus, the Polish astronomer who advised the theory that the earth and the other planets revolve around the sun for example, he disrupted the Ptolemaic system of astronomy and then was murdered by the Government. His theory was accepted by public hundreds of years after his dying. Apparently, without the help of government, the research may lead a difficult way which is full of obstacles. As a consequence, government should give the scientific research free spaces to have a better development.
However, as we all know, activities in our society could not be confined only by morality, so regulations and restrictions are still needed to rule the behavior of human beings and scientific research. As there are some people who don't want to achieve his own success in a legal way but pursue the profits which can only achieved by a improper method. It's terrible to imagine how our society would like if the human clone is not abandoned. Without necessary rules on scientific research and development, our life would be in a mass.
To sum up, for faster and healthier development, government should give the scientific research both free spaces and necessary restrictions. And as a part of society, every one of us should regulate our own behavior and take the responsibility of supervise at the same time. Only in this way can we make our society harmonious and develop in a proper way.作者: tidejoy 时间: 2009-7-11 23:28:08
quality of live 改为life较好~
science----------- since the moment it was born 这句感觉怪怪的，也说不出有啥问题。 没有确定的 科学 诞生的标志吧，个人觉得不要since后边这半句是不是好点~
after his dying. 应该用death吧
a better development改为rapid development （develop fleetly）
activities in our society could not be confined only by morality, so regulations and restrictions are still needed to rule the behavior of human beings and scientific research这句说反了吧？作者: 小红莓 时间: 2009-7-12 08:54:33
X]CMGS:
TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
WORDS: 522
TIME: 01:01:15
DATE: 2009-7-11 22:56:07
Science was both created and used by human beings to improve the quality of live and quicken the speed of social development. Even if some few want to make special use of it to attain individual profits, the attitude of whole society is to benefit humans. Here arises a question: should government place few restrictions on scientific research and development, as the arguer claims? In response to this issue, we need to have an all-around consideration systemically. I think that scientific research and development should be given a free space so that it could develop in a high speed. However, at the same time, government should place some regulations and rules on it so that it could develop healthily.
To begin with, science has brought huge benefit to human beings for thousands of years since the moment it was born, and without deny it will continue to benefit us, so it should be protected and developed in the future. Without the discovery of electricity, nights would still dark and boring. Without the creation of computer, works would still inefficient and tiresome. Without science, people may still as ignorant as primitive and the truth would be covered in the dark deep sea forever.
The progresses of the scientific researches are always hard and long, some of which are made by a group of people which is sustained by government and the others are made by individuals without anyone's help or even antagonized by the whole society at one's time.（TS，所谓TS是需要让rater知道你这段写的是什么，给一个总体上的感觉，我觉得不需要过多的修饰，比如这里就感觉太长了，直接开门见山点名是最好的） With the help of government, the researches are always easy to continue because government could solve many critical problems such as the fund, personnel, and so on. On the contrary, some scientists finish their great research all by themselves. Take Copernicus, the Polish astronomer who advised the theory that the earth and the other planets revolve around the sun for example, he disrupted the Ptolemaic system of astronomy and then was murdered by the Government. His theory was accepted by public hundreds of years after his dying. Apparently, without the help of government, the research may lead a difficult way which is full of obstacles. As a consequence, government should give the scientific research free spaces to have a better development.
However, as we all know, activities in our society could not be confined only by morality, so regulations and restrictions are still needed to rule the behavior of human beings and scientific research. As there are some people who don't want to achieve his own success in a legal way but pursue the profits which can only achieved by an improper method. It's terrible to imagine how our society would like if the human clone is not abandoned. Without necessary rules on scientific research and development, our life would be in a mass.（这一段怎么说呢，个人认为是科研的研究成果不一定会被社会的道德所限制从而做出对人类有害的事，因此政府需要restrict的是products，不是processing）
To sum up, for faster and healthier development, government should give the scientific research both free spaces and necessary restrictions. And as a part of society, every one of us should regulate our own behavior and take the responsibility of supervise at the same time. Only in this way can we make our society harmonious and develop in a proper way.
（总体上逻辑以及论证不错，但感觉层次感有些许问题，此题的Key在于政府与科学研究之间的关系，因此私认为To begin with那段写政府于科学研究之间的关系可能会更好，第二段写科学带来的好处，但是，请注意一定要围绕Government和Research，如果我是rater我可以给你第二段偏题也可以不给，因为你压根就没提Government。还有一点的是，个人觉得不要过于绝对的得出某个结论或者什么的，从argument来看，过于绝对如果论证力度不强的话可能会导致的后果就是rater觉得你的论证你incredible and groundless，分自然也就上不去了）作者: losingwood 时间: 2009-7-13 23:59:01
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽作者: 小红莓 时间: 2009-7-14 10:14:35
本帖最后由 小红莓 于 2009-7-15 10:21 编辑
Tr442371236:
Science was both created and used by human beings to improve the quality of live and quicken the speed of social development. Even if some few
不要some吧 want to make special use of it to attain individual profits, the attitude of whole society is to benefit humans. Here arises a question: should government place few restrictions on scientific research and development, as the arguer claims?感觉用arguer不好，用the statement
吧In response to this issue, we need to have a all-around consideration systemically. I think that scientific research and development should be given a free space so that it could develop in a high speed. However, at the same time, government should place some regulations and rules on it so that it could develop healthily.（我们的观点一样，都是科学实验和发展给我们带来好处，但是也有严重的后果，政府应该适当采取限制但又要保证一定的自由发展空间。感觉大家都会这样想，所以这个题要拿高分的话竞争的人就多了。头段跟我一样都有点长，主要是不想落下一点后面的信息。看看怎么改进下吧。
To begin with, science has brought huge benefits to human beings for thousands of years since the moment it was born, and without denying it will continue to benefit us, so it should be protected and developed in the future. Without the discovery of electricity, nights would still be dark and boring. Without the creation of computer, works would still inefficient and tiresome. Without science, people may still as ignorant as the primitive and the truth would be covered in the dark deep sea forever.
科技的好处，development呢，感觉development主要是让我们侧重对自然破话的描述。
The progresses of the scientific researches are always hard and long, some of which are made by a group of people which is sustained by government and the others are made by individuals without anyone's help or even antagonized by the whole society at one's time什么意思？. With the help of government, the researches are always easy to continue because government could solve many critical problems such as the fund, personnel, and so on. On the contrary, some scientists finish their great research all by themselves. Take Copernicus, the Polish astronomer who advised the theory that the earth and the other planets revolve around the sun for example, he disrupted the Ptolemaic system of astronomy and then was murdered by the Government. His theory was accepted by public hundreds of years after his dying. Apparently, without the help of government, the research may lead a difficult way which is full of obstacles. As a consequence, government should give the scientific research enough free spaces 不要s
to have a better development.这句话有点读者不顺。感觉就是中文的翻译，有个更好的发展。用for better development可能更好。
感觉这段写科学实验离不开政府是因为政府的fund和personel，没必要写这个了，因为你这前面对这政府对科学实验写得已经很多了。改说说题目的要不要放松限制了。这才是issue的pertinent center
However, as we all know, activities in our society could not be confined only by morality, so regulations and restrictions are still needed to rule the behavior of human beings and scientific research. As there are some people who don't want to achieve his own success in a legal way but pursue the profits which can only achieved by a improper method. It's terrible to imagine how our society would like if the human clonecloning is not abandoned. Without necessary rules on scientific research and development, our life would be in a mass.这段开始写我们不应该仁科学实验自由发展了，但还是没提到development。而且篇幅不多。感觉就有点本末倒置，主题描述过少了。我写的时候也是，到后面尽量加，导致字数过多了。不过语法还有例子还是很不错的。
To sum up, for faster and healthier development, government should give the scientific research both free spaces and necessary restrictions. And as a part of society, every one of us should regulate our own behavior and take the responsibility of supervise supervising at the same time. Only in this way can we make our society harmonious and develop in a proper way。结尾要求是不要仅仅罗列陈述的观点，导致和第一段一样。你没有这样。但是，还有个要求是要能深化更好就是引申出一个更深的观点。或者一句有深度相关的句子也能增色不少。感觉你没有做到。我也在为这个愁。都慢慢来吧。