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标题: TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by 出来吧葡萄 [打印本页]
作者: 出来吧葡萄    时间: 2009-7-14 22:11:41     标题: TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第2次作业 by 出来吧葡萄

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?
同意
1.自然环境是人类生存的基础，没有生存环境其他一切都无法实现。
2.自然环境也是经济发展的基础。一切资源都取自于自然，因此保护自然也是经济发展的需要。

There is a hot discussion on the issue that whether the government should pay more attention on environment protection than economic development. Some people support the inclination on preserving nature environment, while others insist that the economic progress should get the privilege. From my point of view, the nature environment is the foundation of all other aspects in the society; thus, government focus should be put more on it.

To begin with, social individuals are all relying on the environment to support our ordinary lives. As we all know, the nature around us supplies with food, water, and many others which we need. However, the increasing development of industry has led pollution to the society, including dusts, noise, chemical substances and so forth. When turning to the global warming trend, it is not all that difficult to realize the essential role that the nature plays in our lives. Higher temperature has triggered the melt of the glacier leading to the rise of water lever which would eventually endanger animals' lives. The vertical structure of the society could be compared to a large building in which the living environment is the foundation to every other aspect. From this point, nothing is more important than the environmental protection.

Moreover, economic development should also base on a friendly environment. When we talk about economy, the part that is closely related to environment is the heavy industry, including petrochemical industry, mining industry, electricity generating and something like this. Energy of various forms comes from the nature and supports our economy. Overexploitation, emerged as a new concept, has received more and more concerns. And, another notion referring to the word 'sustainable' has come into our sight in recent years. A sustainable society should both meet the need of the temporary generation and the following ones. As the famous orator Beecher says 'we should so live and labor in our time that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossom and what came us as blossom may go to them as fruit'. The healthy environment should be the right fruit we leave to offspring.

To sum up, I believe nothing can be more important than to protect the our environment, since it is an indispensable character both in our daily life and our economic development. And government, as the most influential institution, should take the responsibility to conserve our natural habitat.
作者: thatll    时间: 2009-7-15 22:45:24

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development? ( L/ \" F3 |  \1 C8 U
同意
1.自然环境是人类生存的基础，没有生存环境其他一切都无法实现。* H3 n* S; J# _" |8 {" V5 m
2.自然环境也是经济发展的基础。一切资源都取自于自然，因此保护自然也是经济发展的需要。

【作者注意了哈，我用调侃的语调来评注哈，不要当真生气哈！】

There is a hot discussion on the issue that whether the government should pay more attention on environment protection than economic development. Some people support the inclination on preserving nature environment, while others insist that the economic progress should get the privilege. From my point of view, the nature environment is the foundation of all other aspects in the society; thus, government focus should be put more on it.
第一段很套路，很清晰，呵呵，一句背景+一句废话（while连接的比照）+一句观点（from my point of view这一句熟透了的话引起，这个观点的表达用的因果表达）
这么的形式化以至于没有什么问题，哈哈

To begin with, social individuals are all relying on the environment to support our（jiang08说过：前面是individuals，后面的指代用our好像不太好，虽然我们也是individuals中的一部分，还是建议用their） ordinary lives. As we all know, the nature around us supplies with（这个with是不是多于啊，不仅多于而且还有画蛇添足之嫌，想要狡辩的话，请参见文章后面的词条） food, water, and many others which we need. However, the increasing development of industry has led pollution to the society（lead: to serve as a channel for  *a pipe leads water to the house*，恩，这个词用得好！实在是好啊！）, including dusts, noise, chemical substances and so forth. When turning to the global warming trend, it is not all that difficult to realize the essential role that the nature plays in our lives. Higher temperature has triggered the melt of the glacier leading to the rise of water lever which would eventually endanger animals' lives. The vertical structure of the society could be compared to a large building in which the living environment is the foundation to every other aspect. From this point, nothing is more important than the environmental protection.

Moreover, economic development should also base on a friendly environment. When we talk about economy, the part that is closely related to environment is the heavy industry, including petrochemical industry, mining industry, electricity generating and something like this（前面提了那么多，这里来个this小气了点吧，these吧，呵呵）. Energy of various forms comes from the nature and supports our economy. Overexploitation, emerged as a new concept, has received more and more concerns. And, another notion referring to the word 'sustainable' has come into our sight in recent years. A sustainable society should both meet the need of the temporary generation and the following ones. As the famous orator Beecher says 'we should so live and labor in our time that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossom and what came us as blossom may go to them as fruit'. The healthy environment should be the right fruit we leave to offspring.

To sum up, I believe nothing can be more important than to protect the our environment, since it is an indispensable character both in our daily life and our economic development. And government, as the most influential institution, should take the responsibility to conserve our natural habitat.

总体评注：我觉得作者的功底很扎实，不错！但是就是论证上有点偏激，呵呵，让人感觉不服气。可以写要重视环境保护，但是作为issue，眼下意义就是明摆着市面上就存在很大争论的，哪方压不倒哪方的论题，我们不能太偏激，由于我们对于这些个论题的深层次的东西没法把握，所以我们用肤浅的理由来论证的时候，一定要学会一定的让步，这样子才能让读者看起来比较舒服。除非你是这方面的专家或者有比较深入的了解，具有一定的说服力，起码能说服你自己，那么我觉得你把自己的想法表达出来也未尝不可。
supply：上海新东方老师推荐的网上词典“Answers”上的词条如下：
v.tr.
v.intr.
To fill a position as a substitute.
而M-W上的词条如下：
transitive verb  
1 : to add as a supplement
2 [Middle French souploier, alteration of soupplier]  a : to provide for  : SATISFY  *laws by which the material wants of men are supplied ?Bulletin of Bates College*  b : to make available for use  : PROVIDE  *supplied the necessary funds*  c : to satisfy the needs or wishes of  d : to furnish (organs, tissues, or cells) with a vital element (as blood or nerve fibers)
3 : to substitute for another in;  specifically   : to serve as a supply in (a church or pulpit)
intransitive verb   : to serve as a supply or substitute
虽然这里对于不及物动词也有to serve as a supply之说，所以我也没说作者一定有错，只不过就是多于乐，如果按照answer来的话，还可能画蛇添足。
作者: sjtupeeler    时间: 2009-7-15 22:56:02

嗯，同意楼上的，功底很扎实的说，要向你学习啊
作者: zongwww    时间: 2009-7-16 19:17:29

Comments：作者的文章写的非常好，思路很清晰，个别的小错最好多查点字典。
作者: thatll    时间: 2009-7-17 19:38:08

4# zongwww
你怎么说谁的都非常好啊，是不是偷懒啊



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