The argument has several flaws as follows: the best-selling cheeses at newest store does not indicate a general popularity of domestic cheeses; then the recent survey supports little because of its narrow respondents and hasty inference; finally no evidence shows that it is the best way to improve profits to stores more domestic cheeses and less imported ones. Synthesizing the fallacies above, the arguer's proposal is not effective in many cases.
[开头段，简洁地概括了一下重要的逻辑错误，给阅卷人一目了然的感觉]
To begin with, the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic one from Wisconsin does not denote the overall popularity and increasing sales volume of domestic cheeses. It is possible that the newest store is located in or near Wisconsin so the people there tend to buy the cheddar cheeses only because they prefer the ones produced in their hometown. Hence the cheddar cheeses may be not so popular in other areas throughout the United States since the favourite [favorite] taste is likely dissimilar in various areas. Without more evidence about the sales of the domestic cheeses in different states, it is impossible to conclude that domestic cheeses sells better than imported ones.
[感觉例子不够贴切，论证不是很充分]
What's more, the survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine supports the increasing preference for domestic cheeses little. First, the respondents of the survey are only among the subscribers of the magazine so they probably cannot represent the attitude of the overall buyers of cheeses. In all likelihood, the magazine advertises more about domestic cheeses so its subscribers prefer them while other normal buyers tend to purchase the imported cheeses. Secondly, an increasing preference is not a good indication of increasing sales volume. Since the decision of buyers is influenced by the preference as well as price, taste and so forth. It is likely that the price of domestic cheeses is higher than imported one so the sales volume of domestic cheeses may not enhance. According to these flaws, it is unfair to predict a larger market of domestic cheeses than imported ones merely based on the evidence the survey provided.
[这一段论证很充分。]
Last but not the least, without comparison about the profits between the domestic cheeses and the imported ones, the conclusion that the best way to improve profits in all stores is to store more domestic cheeses is unconvincing. It is probably that the profit per imported cheese is much higher than domestic cheese thus selling imported cheeses earns more than domestic ones despite its relatively smaller sales volume. In addition, take the measure in all stores throughout the country is probably a hasty generalization. It is still a wise decision to concentrate more on imported cheeses in some areas where more citizens prefer them to domestic ones. In summary, without more accurate comparison about profits and market, the proposal is ill-considered.
As I presented above, the argument is not well-documented. In order to evaluate the market all sidedly and propose an effective suggestion, more evidence about the market and profit as well as substantiated reasoning is necessary.
[总体来说，逻辑清晰，论证充分， 佩服作者逻辑能力]