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标题: 征战10t小组8.17——作文 [打印本页]
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-16 23:37:23 标题: 征战10t小组8.17——作文
本帖最后由 月下花魂 于 2009-8-23 10:39 编辑
作业完成情况：
kuaru，月下花魂，Colett，lisa_c，dathsicious，kira，diamondcat，oceanmaster，lliisaJudy都很认真的完成了
没有交的同学请尽快补齐，并PM我。
Topic:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(题目来自185第一题)
周二（8月18日）晚22:30前上交
周三（8月19日）晚22:30前完成互改 s
互改分配：
第一组：月下花魂，kuaru，Colett
第二组：lisa_c，dathsicious，kira
第三组：diamondcat，oceanmaster，lliisaJudy
组内成员改同组其他两人的^_^
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-16 23:38:55
本帖最后由 月下花魂 于 2009-8-18 21:33 编辑
交作业^^
When people have graduated the high school, they need to take the choice that whether they will attend college or university or enter the work force directly. If they choose to attend college or university, there may be for the reasons that are the new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge.
First of all, it is a wonderful and helpful experience to attend college or university. In the college, you will have the chance to live with roommates, and it is attractive, for you can understand how to live with others and how to get the balance of your and your roommates’ benefits. Such as when you want to wash the hair while your roommate is sleeping, you may change the time because you do not want to make noise. You can also join the school societies if you like, and from the activities you can strengthen your capability of communication, guidance, affinity and execution.
Second, people attend the college for a sufficient career preparation before they go out of school. In the college, people can learn the specific knowledge and other technologies, such as the computer skills. Nowadays, the competition become more and more drastic, so many companies desire employees who are capable in general diathesis, and the companies even expect to use the higher salaries and status to attract them. For the situation, we can have a cushion in the college before we get the job, and in the cushion, we can have an ample preparation in order to reinforce the competition.
In addition, that attending college can surely increase knowledge. Some people do not care about the new experience or a good job, they just want to learn more extensive and in-depth knowledge and devote their lives to the science. One of my high school classmates is this kind of person. He loves biology very much. He read a lot of books about biology in high school, and he told me that he wanted to attend the best college to learn biology, because he can get the nearest information of it and do the experiments in an advanced laboratory. Now he did it and he said that it is deserved.
To sum up, different individuals have different reasons to attend college or university, and all of these reasons have an identical character that s/he attends college for a better life or achieving a high value.
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-17 10:10:03
本帖最后由 colett 于 2009-8-17 15:54 编辑
为了表示重新做人的决心，我要早交作业！！！！
Different individuals have different purposes to attend college or university, such as new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge and even some young scholars have no purpose and only think that they should attend college with the others at that age.
Generally speaking, the majority of students attending college want to improve themselves in the field of experience and knowledge, in order to meet the need of their career and life in the future. To the beginning, the knowledge that we learned from the primary and middle school is not enough for us to solve the problems we will face in the next stage of our life. We will receive much knowledge of various fields from different majors and increase the quantity of our knowledge. For example, the students of my middle school attend different colleges to study different knowledge of different majors, including clinical medicine, statistics and production of wine. What’s more, as an increasing number of students we have got touch with in the college, we will attain more new experience from the information provided by these new friends and even from this process itself. In fact, a college is just like a miniature society, so we can approach phenomenon of society and learn experience to face society ahead. Last but not the least, what we learn from the college will entire us some skills to get a job and provide enough salary to lead our life. That’s the most real and significant reason for our college students to study in the college. Inversely, there are a great number of young individuals without attending college who are unable to get a comfortable job.
However, not all the students attend college for the above reasons. In fact, quite a lot of young scholars have no exact purpose to attend college. For one thing, they lack the consideration of their future and are not aware of the use of studying in the college for their future life. For another, they have not decided, even not considered, what they should do at that age, so they attend college with the majority of their peers or obeying the command of their parents. Although we may think these students are so ludicrous, they really exist in the world and some of them are extremely famous. Bill Gates, who takes up the top of the richest persons all over the world for many years, had just no purpose to attend Harvard, so he decided to give up studying in the college to start his empire of software without any hesitations, when he realize what he wanted and what he should do at that time.
Taking all the above we have enumerated into the consideration, we may safely make a conclusion that different individuals attend college for many different reasons, even without any reasons.
作者: kuaru 时间: 2009-8-17 12:14:20
本帖最后由 kuaru 于 2009-8-19 11:35 编辑
开开心滴把作业贴上来~~
A tendency that has existed for decades is that an increasing number of people are attending college or universities, ranging from fresh graduates to some experienced employees who have worked in
companies for years. Quite a few reasons can account for this phenomenon, including people's pursuit for a degree which represents their special knowledge , having more working experiences , keeping competitive in further career and so forth.
First and foremost, it has long been an accepted fact that applicants with a college degree in a given area will get an upper hand than people who have never attended a university, for diploma is one of the most crucial criterions for an emplyer to grade all the candidates. Suppose you are a personnel manager, there are two applicants for you to choose from: one is a graduate from a prestige university and the other is as excellent as the former one expect that he does not have a college degree. So which one will you choose? I believe you will undoubtedly hire the graduate student who seems to be more qualified by abtaining a formal and systemic colledge education. Therefor, we may see
that it is quite difficult for a person to find a good job without at least attending college, even though it is not always enough.
In spite of getting a diploma, acquiring
more working experiences or getting prepared for further career is another significant factor why people attend univeisity. At the first place, after high school graduation, there is still a long way to go for young adults to be able to survive in the increasingly fierce social competition, luckily enough, university provides them with a proper platform. In the society-like environment, they will come in contact with a variet of people from different cultures with various characteristics, gradually, they will acquire some social skills which cannot be learnt from textbooks. Besides, having some internships during schooldays acts as a transition to the real career. On the other hand, in terms of people who have worked for a pretty long time, and also choose
to attend college, the reason is much more complicated. One is to remain competitive in the workplace. Like some undergraduate shudents back to college to get a master degree. Another reason is simply for their own gratification and enjoyment, to increase their knowledge in different areas that they never had a chance to learn while in school.
All in all, reasons for people wish to attend college or universities varies from person to person. But one thing is for sure, that is they all attend college for a satisfying and promising future.
作者: 熊爱棒棒糖 时间: 2009-8-17 13:12:54
占楼
作者: lisa_C 时间: 2009-8-17 16:36:37 标题: Lisa_C 817作文
本帖最后由 lisa_C 于 2009-8-17 21:44 编辑
交作业^&^
Nowadays, College students face more and more fierce competitions with the development of society, we are not guaranteed jobs when we graduate from college. Why do we attend university? Many college students really don't have a clear reason for it. In my opinion, we come here for following three purposes, learning, preparing and experience.
The primary purpose for attending college or university is to learn more. College and university can teach student the footstone of future. The education here tells us how to be excellent in discovering, learning, investing, sharing, living, exploring, supporting, aspiring, thinking, creating, experiencing and succeeding. It is not only about basic theories but also about the basic truth of human beings. It teaches us to see things as they are, to go right to the point, to disentangle a skein of thought, to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant.
Another purpose is to prepare our career in the future. University education is a process to lead and urge university students to achieve their socialization.
As the saying goes, A college is a small society. It is a place where most people can see themselves making the transition to adulthood. On the one hand,
We have a favorable environment in the university for us to prepare the necessary passports in the society. Apart from the College degree itself, we can also have time to get more certificates, such as National Computer Rank Examination, CET 6, BEC, CPA and so on.
On the other hand, we can gain social interaction ability through four years of university life. College life is different from our previous school environment. There are many activities here to help us improve our
interpersonal relationships and social skills.
Furthermore, the campus life is a memorable experience for us. College may be the closest one gets to heaven on earth. The school life is really simple and free. We will have years of great memories here. Some may meet many friends to share thoughts, feelings, hopes and aspirations as well as hurt, anger, longing and memories of painful or embarrassing experiences. Some may have a beautiful love in the university, walking on campus holding the hand of their lovers. Each of the college students can create a lifetime of meaningful memories.
To sum up, attending college or university helps us learn much, prepare for the future and have a great experience, In conclusion, Campus life is to be treasured.
作者: DarthSidious 时间: 2009-8-17 19:12:58
交作业
People will seek an opportunity to attend college or university for several reasons, but the most important or the most essential reason is to well prepare their career. That is to say, they want to learn the basis of specific field and to find chances to go into the field.
The works in the modern society become more and more complex and technical, so a complete training can not easily be done by self study. However, the college or university has a long tested education system to many fields, they have good training mode, group of experienced faculty, abound library. The good training mode guarantees you could to master all the essentials in the field, the experienced faculty teaches you the knowledge luminously and foresighted, and good library permit you to do your study deeply and extensively.
The college or university also provides lots of opportunity to the field. This is not to say that the college have relevant work positions itself, instead, the college may establish some collaborate relationship with some companies or organizations which would like to accepted graduated students of this school as their new staff. And in addition, the company or the organization will pay enough attention to this kind of new staff, in another words, you would have more chances to be promoted.
These two aspects are important to people who want to a work in specific field, suppose a man with no enough expertise, there wouldn’t be any good position provided to him. And suppose a man full of knowledge but with no chances to go to his field, it’s also hard to achieve a success. In fact, since these two points are so important and are only available in college or university, people would have willingness to get an admission.
作者: kiralovely 时间: 2009-8-17 22:00:20
本帖最后由 kiralovely 于 2009-8-18 22:05 编辑
Accepting university education is becoming an extremley attractive option to huge crowds of poeple.More academic people tend to obtain further degrees,such as master,phd,etc. however,the motivation of attending college varies form one individual to another.From my point of view,university education plays a rather significant role in one's life and the reason to explain this sort of tendency can be summarized as the following conclusion:knowledge driven and community driven.
To begin with,I strongly insist that the knowledge driven situation should be regard as the majarity.Nobody denies that university plays a vital and central role in the higher education system.Because university education is the most powerful machine which is established in modern society,those who own the curiosity to get more konwledge and those who have the ambition to make breakthrough in their own spheres are strongly willing to take course in university.For example,since 1980s',huge amounts of chinese undergraduate students have applied U.S universities and research institutions for get the opportunities pursuing master degree as well as Phd degree.They left far away from their parents,communities,companions,cities and motherland and flew beyond half a planet to an unfamiliar country not only to study abroad with scholarships but also for the exceptional academic reputation of U.S institutions therefore they could obtain much advanced knowledge and technology.
Futhermore,a large quantities of people pursue university education hold the motivation of community driven.And this motivation could be splited as 2 factors:career reputation and treasure.As we can see,the criterion that modern society evaluates people becomes multiple.Nevertheless, individual's education background always ranks as top aspects.For instance, 3 precedent Intel chief executive officers including Robert Noyce,Gorden Moore,Andy Grove all own physical or electrical engineering phd degree from MIT,UC berkeley or Stanford.Apprently,their university education and research experience helps them a lot to their further career development.
To sum up, I assert the tendency that university education attracts huge amounts of people because of both knowledge and community assessment.Actually,these 2 reasons are reasonable，sustainable and universal.
作者: diamondcat 时间: 2009-8-18 12:22:40
本帖最后由 diamondcat 于 2009-8-18 21:41 编辑
People attend university for different reasons like new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge, to meet new people, to be specialized in a field, to change the city that they were born in, to make their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons.
As human beings, we are programmed to establish goals in our life. One of the goals is the career or how we will earn the income and at what standard we want to live. If we want a high level income and life then is necessary to choose a university or a college. Why? Because only if you are professional in the field that you want to practice then your income and life-level will be high.
Not all the teenagers that choose to enroll in a university or college know very well what they want to do with their life so their goals are not too specific. Then, they must be motivated by other reasons. One reason can be just to get out of the small towns or villages that they were born in and to go into a big city with so many opportunities. Imagine what a life...new friends from different backgrounds, clubs, parties, freedom (the parents are not there). Maybe you just dream to know other society than yours...well, the borders are open now, and you can study in your dream country or society.
Another reason to attend university is the level of knowledge that your are exposed to. Every day the amount of knowledge is getting bigger, more specific with each level. So many opportunities are open in your face, specialties that you did not know before. Is impossible not to find something that you like...molecular physics, behavior analysis, a philosopher that you agree with, genetic science etc. The environment will take you to the highest level. You just need to choose the field.
Finally, one of the most common reasons to attend a university is the family. It is more probable that, if you come from an intellectual family to attend university. It is a fact that the parental model is very important in the way you choose to live your life. The percentage of teenagers that attend university is much higher in intellectual families than in families where parents do not have degrees. Many persons attend university for the sake of their parents.
There are many reasons to attend university. I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary. I am sure that there are many persons who regret that they had not attended a university, but none to regret that have a degree.
作者: oceanmaster 时间: 2009-8-18 19:37:08
本帖最后由 oceanmaster 于 2009-8-18 21:57 编辑
Universities, especially famous ones, occupy the highest position in education system.
Meanwhile, the number and quality of a country's universities stands for the nation's
technology ability. Just because of universities' double importances in both education and
research fields, there are tempting reasons for people throught the world to fight to enter
them. Three of these reasons will be discussed in following passage.
A realistic bait for people is the high value of a college graduate identity. University
students are usually considered to the best of all their ages, and there are reasons to
support. To enter a university, a student have to survive all his importand exams and enjoy
a clear record of bahavior. Consequently, them are supposed to be the smartest and most law
-bidding citizens. That's not so hard to understand. The strongest survives.
Correspondingly, college graduates enjoy higher social position and many more chances to
sucdess than other group of people, right after their graduate. Take my hometown for
instance. The identity of college graduate has been an essential requirement of all superior
vocations. Only dirtiest vocations are open to all.
Another convincing reason for people to enter college is involved with career preparation.
University is one of the key paths to get into research work, if not the only. Research
activities require some important abilities and experiences. A common knowladge of cutting-
edge progress, being familiar with paper reading and writing and the ability to use research
tools, for instance. And universities are perfect places to study accsssory knowladeg and
build up experience. Some research institutes, in fact, are just get started as college
training institutes.
The purest cause to go to university is the desire for knowladge. A proper illustration for
this can be the famous table tennis player DengYaping. After winning Olympic golden medals
for three times, she has, by all means, been a successer. However, she decided to leave
behind the sport field and go to TsingHua University then. I believe this action is out of
her purpose to get a systematical education of human knowladge, which can only be provided
by universities.
To sum up, out of the purpose to get higher in social position, get more prepared for future
research or simply get more known, people choose to fight their way to the palace of
knowladge, colleges.
总字数386。。时间嘛...大约一个半小时...
望同学们狠批。 特别是希望同学们给出如何更精简有效（最好同时精彩）的表达同样的内容的指导~~
先多谢了~~
作者: lliisaJudy 时间: 2009-8-18 22:26:03
交作业咯！
University is no longer a fresh word to people nowadays. Since the beginning of this century, more and more youngster choose to enter university after they have completed the study in high school rather than to join the army or become a apprentice. For different people they have different reasons to make such kind a choice, like new experiences or increased knowledge. As far as I am concerned, I choose to go to university is to prepare for my career.
Firstly, study in a university, most of us have to live in a different city from our parents and thus we must learn how to live independently. When I began my collage life, I could nearly do nothing without my parents. I donot how to get rid of the stain on my white T-shirt which I've washed again and again and which mum could deal with it easily. I donot know how to clean the windows in my dorm as mum does in my house. However, I never gave up and I would ask my parents for help on the phone. Now, I have been the best "cleaner" in my dorm. Besides, after learning in this two years, I have picked up the skill how to bargain when on business.
Another important skill we can learn during our collage life is communication skill, which is one of the key factors for our success. When first come to the school, we try to know how to communicate with our roommates, who may have the opposite characteristic with us and get along well with them. After that, we learn how to communicate with our professors and classmates during a discussion in classes. Some students may join some unions, it offers more opportunities for them to obtain the ability to express himself and communicate with others.
Most people claim that the most important thing during university is to study hard. I oppose it because I believe that learn how to study is more important. Frankly speaking, many people will not devote to the profession they are majored in now. However, if they have developed a good habit to learn knowledge they could learn anything well after graduation.
All in all, people who choose to enter university all have their hopes: to prepare for their social life sufficiently. At the same time, present university generally provides such an environment for people to achieve such goals. Therefore, when we see more and more fresh smiles on the campus of universities, let us just wish them a promising future.
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-19 08:31:45
批改月下的作文
When people have graduated from the high school, they need to take (觉得这里用这个词不好，但又想不到合适，改成have to face the choice 你觉得咋样？)
the choice that whether they will attend college or university or enter the work force（看不懂，改成get a job?） directly. If they choose to attend college or university, there may be for the reasons that are (这样写总觉得别扭，改成，the following reasons，including) the new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge., S8 Q5 S$ b9 T
) u* J9 i" i3 z! o$ e6 [First of all, it is a wonderful and helpful experience to attend college or university（改成To attend college will bring us wonderful and helpful experience）. In the college, you will have the chance to live with roommates, and it is attractive, for you can understand (看不懂！！！为什么要用for) how to live with others and how to get the balance of （make a balance between 是不是感觉上舒服一些）your and your roommates’ benefits. Such as when you want to wash the hair while your roommate is sleeping, you may change the time because you do not want to make noise. You can also join the school societies
（改为community）if you like, and from the activities（campaign） you can strengthen your capability of communication, guidance, affinity and execution.; N0 ~. X1 O: G4 d
2 Y' m" l/ B' E* rSecond（Secondly）, people attend the college for a sufficient career preparation before they go out of school. In the college, people can learn the specific knowledge and other technologies, such as the computer skills. Nowadays, the competition become more and more drastic, so many companies desire employees who are capable in general diathesis, and the companies even expect to use the higher salaries and status to attract them. For the situation, we can have a cushion（什么意思？） in the college before we get the job, and in the cushion, we can have an ample preparation in order to reinforce the competition.（这一段总体写的还是不错的，只是月下mm你为什么这么喜欢用can啊？）
: s. Q0 S) X- g* X, b
6 E( N/ w' w7 f( o
In addition, that（是否该删去？） attending college can surely increase （our）knowledge. Some people do not care about the new experience or a good job, they just want to learn more extensive and in-depth（可以这么用么？我没见过啊） knowledge and devote their lives to the science. One of my high school classmates is this kind of person. He loves biology very much. He read a lot of books about biology in high school, and he told me that he wanted to attend the best college to learn biology, because he can get the nearest（改成newest） information of（about） it and do the experiments in an advanced laboratory. Now he did it and he said that it is deserved（语态不对吧？）.3 k5（ k: N9 f. J% ^
& e; H1 F* \9 WTo sum up, different individuals have different reasons to attend college or university, and all of these reasons have an identical character that s/he attends college for a better life or achieving a（改成realize their） high value.
月下组长，你昨天是不是有什么事啊，时间不够？还是晚上写作文的时候困了？总之，这不应该是你的真实水平，这些小错误完全可以避免啊。当然，如果你是限时作文的话还是应该夸赞一下的！！！但是，总体上的内容不错，还能感觉到你的英语基础比较扎实，单词背的也很认真，继续加油油！！！
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-19 08:34:00
批改组长的作文
A tendency that has existed for decades is that an increasing number of people are attending college or universities, ranging from fresh graduates to some experienced employees who have worked in ! B; o; K* [4 y& N' Xcompanies for years. （首句写得很有水准！！）Quite a few reasons can account for this phenomenon, including people's pursuit for a degree which represents （the level of）their special knowledge , having(是否可以删去，都直接作pursuit for的宾语？) more working experiences , keeping competitive in further career（改为competitive job in future） and so forth.& o. E9 U% t3 m$ D
, U7 R. D0 Q% O* h0 f' |/ w
First and foremost, it has long been (看不懂呢？) an accepted
（不大妥，我又实在想不出该改成什么）fact that applicants with a college degree in a given area will get an upper hand than people who have never attened a university（这一句都不大懂，意思明白，加下划线的词组不懂）, for diploma is one of the most crucial criterions for an emplyer to grade all the candidates. Suppose you are a personnel manager, there are two applicants for you to choose from（总觉得别扭）: one is a graduate from a prestige university and the other is as excellent as the former one expect that he does not have a college degree. So which one will you choose? I believe you will undoubtedly hire the graduate student who seems to be more qualified by abtaining a formal and systemic colledge education. Therefor, we may see ! W, d8 U. R! P5 v. g; z' wthat it is quite difficult for a person to find a good job without at least（应该去掉） attending college, even though it is not always enough.（小错误太多啦！！！！）2 J# R; m- r0 M/ s. |; \
2 c% \. p/ o- [! \- S
In spite of getting a diploma, acquiring0 c* b) ~5 ~ Q, h( Rmore working experiences or getting prepared for further career is another significant factor why people attend univeisity. At the first place, after high school graduation, there is still a long way to go for young adults to be able to survive in the increasingly（这里可以用more and more） fierce social competition, luckily enough, university provides them with a proper platform. In the society-like environment, they will come in（看不懂） contact with a variet of people from different cultures with various characteristics, gradually（这个词后置如何？）, they will acquire some social skills which cannot be learnt from textbooks（直接用books不行么？）. Besides, having some internships during schooldays acts as a transition to the real career. On the other hand, in terms of people who have worked for a pretty long time, and also choose; j! j& e; v$ _ a7 Bto attend college, the reason is much more complicated. One is to remain competitive in the workplace. Like some undergraduate shudents back to college to get a master degree. Another reason is simply for their own gratification and enjoyment, to increase their knowledge in different areas that they never had a chance to learn while in school（这一段总的感觉就是乱啊，看不大懂，缺乏条理啊，罗列的原因如果能用同一组连词衔接的话效果会好很多）.1 i& f) L9 ^: z1 h# I% |5 H
# f9 N$ z* ?- v- | W1 lAll in all, reasons for people wish to attend college or universities varies from person to person. But one thing is for sure,（读起来还是别扭啊） that is they all attend college for a satisfying and promising future.
组长写的东西确实很有水平啊，先夸一下！！！不过，小错误太多了，组长是不是也是限时是作文啊？这些地方以后一定要仔细啊！！！另外，我想问一下领导，作文的字数控制在多少比较好啊？8 ]2 c C' G" t+ ~1 g9 K
作者: kuaru 时间: 2009-8-19 10:38:27
13# colett
那个啥，首先偶不是限时写的，就是写写改改那样的（还没到限时的水平，加上打字很慢。。。⊙﹏⊙b。。）
另外，你指出的小错误，偶来给你解释一下（这可不是偶原创的，老美就这么用的。。
it has long been an accepted fact that（这是个长久来被人们认可的事实） ,in an given area,（在特定领域） get an upper hand(占优势)
字数呢，个人认为考场上越多越好啊，当然要是在有质量的前提下
平常做不限时联系的话，还是多写的好，扩展思路嘛
作者: kuaru 时间: 2009-8-19 11:02:46
To 月下
When people have graduated （为什么用完成时？graduate from high school ）the（这个the删掉，并没什么特指的意思，这一点在你口语里也发现了，有的时候是不需用的） high school, they need to take（make） the choice that whether they will attend college or university （后面还有个or，建议吧前面一个去掉，不过没什么影响）or enter the work force （这里用错了，workforce是指劳动力啊，职工什么的，反正是指人的）directly. If they choose to attend college or university, there may be for the reasons that are the new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge.- _/ l% G6 w% [/ k" d
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First of all, it is a wonderful and helpful experience to attend college or university.（分论点。那么你下面应该说怎么美好和有用。但你第一个列子是关心体谅室友，哪里支持论点了？） In the college, you will have the chance to live with roommates, and it is attractive, for you can understand how to live with others and how to get the balance of your and your roommates’ benefits. Such as when you want to wash the hair while your roommate is sleeping, you may change the time because you do not want to make noise. You can also join the school societies if you like, and from the activities you can strengthen your capability of communication, guidance, affinity（这两个应该不属于capability的） and execution.
Second, people attend the college for a sufficient career preparation before they go out of school. In the college, people can learn the specific knowledge and other technologies, such as the computer skills（最好再加几个）. Nowadays, the competition become more and more drastic, so many companies desire employees who are capable in general diathesis, and the companies even expect to use the higher salaries and status to attract them. For the situation（什么意思？）, we can have a cushion in the college before we get the job, and in the cushion, we can have an ample preparation in order to reinforce the competition（加强竞争？）.3 s0 C3 （）V: E( X) a X
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In addition, that （去掉）attending college can surely increase knowledge. Some people do not care about the new experience or a good job, they just want to learn more extensive and in-depth knowledge and devote their lives to the science. One of my high school classmates is this kind of person. He loves biology very much. He read a lot of books about biology in high school, and he told me that he wanted to attend the best college to learn biology, because he can get the nearest（不知道能能不这么用） information of it （去掉）and do the experiments in an advanced laboratory. Now he did it and he said that it is deserved.（这一段在事例论证方面很不错）
To sum up, different individuals have different reasons to attend college or university, and all of these reasons have an identical character （这个从句错了）that s/he attends college for a better life or achieving a high value.
总结：在结构上没有问题，分论点耶很充分。不足之处是细节处理的不好，有一些语法错误，不能很好的表达你的想法。另外，我不知你写完以后是否自己读过或该过一遍，但我感觉是没有的，因为一些错误你自己看了耶能改过来。
作者: kuaru 时间: 2009-8-19 11:27:23
To colett
Different individuals have different purposes to attend college or university, such as new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge and even some young scholars have no purpose（能明白你的意思，但人家问你为什么上大学，你说没理由，是不是有点。。还是换个说法吧） and only think that they should attend college with the （去掉）others at that age（？）.* L" m3 l
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Generally speaking, the majority of students attending college want to improve themselves in the field of experience and knowledge（经验和知识应该不算是某一领域吧）, in order to（从你这里看这个主语应该是上大学，但看你第一个分句，主语可是students） meet the need of their career and life in the future. To（at） the beginning, the knowledge that we learned from the primary and middle school is not enough for us to solve the problems we will face in the next stage of our life. We will receive much knowledge of various fields from different majors and （then）increase the quantity of our knowledge. For example, the students of my middle school attend different colleges to study different knowledge （subjects）of different majors（这里different用太多了，会让rater觉得你词汇匮乏）, including clinical medicine, statistics and production of wine. What’s more, as an increasing number of students we have got touch with in the college, we will attain more new（很别扭。） experience from the information provided by these new friends and even from this process itself（这个句子有语法错误，你仔细读读，还有别人给你的信息能增加经验？？好像不是很合适。）. In fact, a college is just like a miniature society, so we can approach phenomenon of society and learn experience to face society ahead. Last but not the least, what we learn from the college will entire us some skills to get a job and provide enough salary to lead our life. That’s the most real and significant reason for our college students to study in the college（people choose to study in college）. Inversely, there are a great number of young individuals without attending college who are unable to get a comfortable job.
However, not all the students（不要只局限于学生） attend college for the above reasons. In fact, quite a lot of young scholars have no exact purpose to attend college. For one thing, they lack the consideration of their future and are not aware of the use of studying in the college for their future life. For another, they have not decided, even not considered, what they should do at that age, so they attend college with the majority of their peers or obeying the command of their parents（像开始提到的，还是要说出理由的，其实这句话就可以啊，因为他们没有对未来的考虑指示随大流）. Although we may think these students are so ludicrous, they really exist in the world and some of them are extremely famous. Bill Gates, who takes up the top of the richest persons all over the world for many years, had just no purpose to attend Harvard, so he decided to give up studying in the college to start his empire of software without any hesitations, when he realized what he wanted and what he should do at that time。（这一段分论点很有新意，但应组织一下语言使之切题。例子不错！）}# d* e- Z- l; `% K. i+ @. M
Taking all the above we have（去掉） enumerated into the （去掉）consideration, we may safely make a conclusion that different individuals attend college for many different reasons, even without any reasons.
总结：结构和分论点方面的不足上面都以提到。就论证的充分性而言，做的不错，实例很有说服力。问题在于一些语法错误和词汇的选择不当，这样的错误还是不要太多，不然让人读着感觉磕磕绊绊的。建议就是多度多练啦（这一点每个人都是需要滴！），尽量用的地道而有效。
作者: kiralovely 时间: 2009-8-19 11:30:53
批改lisaC的：
Nowadays, College students face more and more fierce competitions with the development of society, we are not guaranteed jobs when we graduate from college. （首句就是比较严重的语法错误，一句话出现了两套主谓，不管怎么样当中加个连词and吧。）Why do we attend university? Many college students really don't have a clear reason for it. In my opinion, we come here for following three purposes, learning, preparing（preparation） and experience.
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The primary purpose for attending college or university is to learn more. College and university can teach student the footstone of future. The education here tells us how to be excellent in discovering, learning, investing, sharing, living, exploring, supporting, aspiring, thinking, creating, experiencing and succeeding. It is not only about basic theories （前面是it is ,这里怎么会有复数形式？）but also about the basic truth of human beings. It teaches us to see things as they are, to go right to the point, to disentangle a skein of thought, to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant. (这段写的不好，犯了ETS官方指出的典型错误，你仅仅是堆砌大量的vocabulary和一些空洞的排比去叙述问题的存在，而并没有任何深入的佐证和展开。)
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Another purpose is to prepare（for） our career in the future. University education is a process to lead and urge university students to achieve their socialization. $ o1 ?6 ]: Z5 }: ~! |, k/ e& J
As the saying goes, A college is a small society. It is a place where most people can see themselves making the transition to adulthood. On the one hand,
We have a favorable environment in the university for us to prepare the necessary passports in the society. Apart from the College degree itself, we can also have time to get more certificates, such as National Computer Rank Examination, CET 6, BEC, CPA and so on（这些土巴巴的例子不要多举，老外兴许根本不知道NCRE，CET，CPA为何物，在他看来就是也许根本就是无效佐证。）. 7 S0 6 ^, d' w7 a6 Q6 ?$ h, N
On the other hand, we can gain social interaction ability through four years of university life. College life is different from our previous school environment. There are many activities here to help us improve our , Q/ R. }r7 w% Q2 b' ~, b
interpersonal relationships and social skills. / ^" `6 x6 Z4 p()(nide1)
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Furthermore, the campus life is a memorable experience for us. College may be the closest one gets to heaven on earth. The school life is really simple and free. We will have years of great memories here. Some may meet many friends to share thoughts, feelings, hopes and aspirations as well as hurt, anger, longing and memories of painful or embarrassing experiences. Some may have a beautiful love in the university, walking on campus holding the hand of their lovers. Each of the college students can create a lifetime of meaningful memories. - zD. q+ `0 y7
短句太多，ETS非常鄙视总是使用短句的人，一定要多启用复杂的句式.
To sum up, attending college or university helps us learn much, prepare for the future and have a great experience, In conclusion, Campus life is to be treasured.
也许你没有仔细思考，仓促写成的，总的来说，写的不好，观点很多很杂，但是每一个都没有fully developed。这是大忌中的大忌，是阅卷人最不愿意看到的response。
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-19 11:46:07
本帖最后由 月下花魂 于 2009-8-19 11:48 编辑
To colett：
Different individuals have different purposes to attend college or university, such as new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge and even some young scholars (这个单词个人觉得用的不是很恰当) have no purpose and only think that they should attend college with the (去掉) others at that age.
Generally speaking, the majority of students attending college want to improve themselves in the field of experience and knowledge, in order to meet the need of their career and life in the future. To the beginning, the knowledge that we learned from the primary and middle school is not enough for us to solve the problems we will face in the next stage of our life (lives). We will receive much knowledge of various fields from different majors and increase the quantity of our knowledge. For example, the students of my middle school attend different colleges to study different knowledge of different majors, including clinical medicine, statistics and production of wine. What’s more, as an increasing number of students we have got touch with in the college, we will attain more new experience (这里建议用复数) from the information provided by these new friends and even from this process itself. In fact, a college is just like a miniature society, so we can approach phenomenon of society and learn experience to face society ahead. Last but not the least, what we learn from the college will entire us some skills to get a job and provide enough salary to lead our life. That’s the most real and significant reason for our college students to study in the college. Inversely, there are a great number of young individuals without attending college who are unable to get a comfortable job.
个人建议，这种限时作文不大可能说的面面俱到，说的理由越多，分到每个理由的论述就越少，所以宁愿针对某一个点做详细的论述也比说的很多但每个又说的不到位要好。因为偶看到OG对作文的评分要求上对details and examples的要求还是蛮高的。当然，纯属个人意见啦^_^
However, not all the students attend college for the above reasons. In fact, quite a lot of young scholars (同上) have no exact purpose to attend college. For one thing, they lack the consideration of their future and are not aware of the use of studying in the college for their future life. For another, they have not decided, even not considered, what they should do at that age, so they attend college with the majority of their peers or obeying the command of their parents. Although we may think these students are so ludicrous, they really exist in the world and some of them are extremely famous. Bill Gates, who takes up the top of the richest persons all over the world for many years, had just no purpose to attend Harvard, so he decided to give up studying in the college to start his empire of software without any hesitations, when he realize what he wanted and what he should do at that time.
虽然想到比尔盖茨的例子很不错，但是你说他在上哈佛的时候no purpose可能不是很有力度，建议换一个～～
Taking all the above we have enumerated into the consideration, we may safely make a conclusion that different individuals attend college for many different reasons (这个句型开头时已经用过了，建议换个说法), even without any reasons.
果然，通过这篇作文能感受到你扎实的基本功，词汇、句型都很不错，赞一个，可能有些细节和文章结构方面在斟酌斟酌。。。
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-19 11:46:24
本帖最后由 月下花魂 于 2009-8-19 11:52 编辑
To kuaru：
A tendency that has existed for decades is that an increasing number of people are attending college or universities (我没记错的话，前后的名词单复数应该要求是一致的吧), ranging from fresh graduates to some experienced employees who have worked in companies for years. (这句开头很强大的说，但是逻辑上我不是很明白，这个增长的从大一新生来说没问题，我不知道和经验丰富的员工有什么联系，你是想说因为社会竞争更厉害了，学历要求高了，所以上大学的多了吗？这样的话我觉得可能后半句和下一句比较接)Quite a few reasons can account for this phenomenon, including people's pursuit (这个词用的好，赞一个) for a degree which represents their special knowledge, having more working experiences, keeping competitive in further career and so forth.
First and foremost, it has long been an accepted fact that applicants with a college degree in a given area will get an upper hand than people who have never attened (attended) a university, for diploma is one of the most crucial criterions for an emplyer (employee) to grade all the candidates. Suppose you are a personnel manager, there are two applicants for you to choose from: one is a graduate from a prestige university and the other is as excellent as the former one expect that he does not have a college degree. So which one will you choose? I believe you will undoubtedly hire the graduate student who seems to be more qualified by abtaining (obtaining) a formal and systemic colledge (college) education. Therefor, we may see that it is quite difficult for a person to find a good job without at least attending college,（这里最好说在同等条件大学生更具竞争力比较好，太绝对比较容易受攻击） even though it is not always enough.
In spite of getting a diploma, acquiring more working experiences or getting prepared for further career is another significant factor why people attend univeisity (university). At (In) the first place, after high school graduation, there is still a long way to go for young adults to be able to survive in the increasingly fierce social competition, luckily enough, university provides them with a proper platform. In the society-like environment, they will come in contact with a variet (variety) of people from different cultures with various characteristics, (and因为你用的逗号，副词不能连接两个句子，所以还是加个and吧^_^) gradually, they will acquire some social skills which cannot be learnt from textbooks. Besides, having some internships during schooldays acts as a transition to the real career. On the other hand, in terms of people who have worked for a pretty long time, and also choose to attend college, the reason is much more complicated. One is to remain competitive in the workplace. Like some undergraduate shudents (students) back to college to get a master degree. Another reason is simply for their own gratification and enjoyment, to increase their knowledge in different areas that they never had a chance to learn while in school.
All in all, reasons for people wish to attend college or universities (同开头) varies from person to person. But one thing is for sure, that is they all attend college for a satisfying and promising future. (结尾不错，简洁明了)
这篇文章的结构很不错，例子和说明都很到位，没什么好说的了。有些细节可以再完善一下，另外要指出的是，拼写错误有点多，要注意一下。
作者: kiralovely 时间: 2009-8-19 11:52:56
批改darth的：
People will seek an opportunity to attend college or university for several reasons, but the most important or the most essential reason is to well prepare their career. That is to say, they want to learn the basis of specific field and to find chances to go into the field.4 }$ [& a8 L2 B' f" M3 A
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The works in the modern society become more and more complex and technical, so a complete training can not easily be done by self study. However, the college or university has a long tested education system to many fields, they have good training mode, group of experienced faculty, abound library. The good training mode guarantees you could（这里could不要） to master all the essentials in the field, the experienced faculty teaches you the knowledge luminously and foresighted, and good library（s） permit you to do your study（research） deeply and extensively. (例证呢？例证！观点要充分展开。)
The college or university also provides lots of opportunity to the field. This is not to say that the college have relevant work positions itself, instead, the college may establish some collaborate relationship with some companies or organizations which would like to accepted （accept）graduated students of this school as their new staff. （不错的观点，那具体的例证呢？）And in addition, the company or the organization will pay enough attention to this kind of new staff, in another words, you would have more chances to be promoted.
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These two aspects are important to people who want to a work in specific field,（用句号。） suppose a man with no enough expertise, there wouldn’t be any good position provided to him. And suppose a man （is） full of knowledge but with no chances to go to his field, it’s also hard to achieve a success. In fact, since these two points are so important and are only available in college or university, people would have willingness to get an admission.
首先你这样的篇幅稍短，导致你的几个分观点都没有fully developed，而且你的分观点之间有重复的嫌疑。
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-19 11:57:22
谢谢组长啦，PS：你那些老美东西都是哪来的啊？
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-19 12:00:31
谢谢月下mm了，问一下，你们现在都用什么作文书啊？
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-19 12:17:08
To kuaru and colett：
偶承认自己这次作文写的比较急，嘻嘻，所以没有很仔细，有一些问题，下次我会多多检查的。
谢谢两位，批改的都很仔细呢，赞一个先。。。
另外，根据各位的建议，我已经把作文重新修改了一下，果然看着舒服多了:lol
作者: lliisaJudy 时间: 2009-8-19 12:33:38
批改 diamond cat
作者: lliisaJudy 时间: 2009-8-19 12:34:17
本帖最后由 lliisaJudy 于 2009-8-19 12:53 编辑
改diamond cat
People attend university for different reasons like new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge, to meet new people, to be specialized in a field, to change the city that they were born in, to make their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons.列出了上大学的种种理由，可是就这样就独立一段的话，没有表明文章立场的句子，会有点不太清晰。可以加一句“正如我如下陈述”之类的话。
As human beings, we are programmed to establish goals in our life. One of the goals is the career or how we will earn the income and at what standard we want to live. If we want a high level income and life then
it is necessary to choose a university or a college. Why? 问句用的好Because only if 这个句式很好啊，表强调，可是后面是不是应该跟倒装形式呢you are professional in the field that you want to practice then your income and life-level will be high.
Not all the teenagers that choose to enroll in a university or college know very well what they want to do with their life so their goals are not too这个too在这边不太合适 specific. Then, they must be motivated by other reasons. One reason can be just to get out of the small towns or villages that they were born in and to go into a big city with so many(much more)
opportunities. Imagine what a life...new friends from different backgrounds, clubs, parties, freedom (the parents are not there). Maybe you just dream to know other society than哪来的比较级？ yours...well, the borders are open now, and you can study in your dream country or society.
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Another reason to attend university is the level of knowledge that your are exposed to. Every day the amount of knowledge is getting bigger, more specific with each level. So many opportunities are open in your face, specialties that you did not know before. Is impossible not to find something that you like...molecular physics, behavior analysis, a philosopher that you agree with, genetic science etc. The environment will take you to the highest level. You just need to choose the field.
Finally, one of the most common reasons to attend a university is the family. It is more probable that, if you come from an intellectual family to attend university.这个句子结构有点不太通吧 It is a fact that the parental model is very important in the way you choose to live your life. The percentage of teenagers that attending university is much higher in intellectual families than in families where parents do not have degrees. Many persons attend university for the sake of在这边其实用for一个就可以了，用这个词组感觉有点画蛇添足，cat你觉得呢
their parents.
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There are many reasons to attend university. I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary. I am sure that there are many persons who regret that they had not attended a university, but none to regret that have a degree.结尾不错呢，都是发表自己的感想，就是最好注意下不要用这么多主观的表达方式哦！~~
整体感觉文章想法都蛮好的，一点一点的衔接很到位。就是在写的时候cat最好注意下句子的通顺。有些句子语法有点问题。还有啊，就是要注意下句子多元化。我觉得这点我也是的，写来写去都是那几个句子。一起加油吧！:handshake
改Ocean master 的
Universities, especially famous ones, occupy the highest position in education system. 哇~~; Meanwhile, the number and quality of a country's universities stands for the nation's
technology ability. Just because of universities' double importances in both education and research fields, there are tempting reasons for people throught the world to fight to enter
them. Three of these reasons will be discussed in following passage.哇 ocean master的文章好有文采啊~~
A realistic bait for people is the high value of a college graduate identity. University students are usually considered to the best of all their ages, and there are reasons to support. To enter a university, a student have to survive all his importand exams and enjoy
a clear record of bahavior. Consequently, them are supposed to be the smartest and most law-bidding citizens. That's not so hard to understand. The strongest survives.
Correspondingly, college graduates enjoy higher social position and many more chances to sucdess？ than other group of people, right after their graduate（graduation）. Take my hometown for
instance. The identity of college graduates has been an essential requirement of all superior vocations. Only dirtiest vocations are open to all.. c:
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Another convincing reason for people to enter college is involved with career preparation. University is one of the key paths to get into research work, if not the only. Research activities require some important abilities and experiences. A common knowladge of cutting-edge progress, being familiar with paper reading and writing and the ability to use research tools, for instance. And universities are perfect places to study accsssory knowladeg and build up experience这个可以这么搭配吗. Some research institutes, in fact, are just get started as college training institutesinstitutions.
The purest cause to go to university is the desire for knowladge. A proper illustration for this can be the famous table tennis player DengYaping. After winning Olympic golden medals for three times, she has, by all means, been a successer. However, she decided to leave
behind the sport field and go to TsingHua University then. I believe this action is out of 1 ~$ B, g+
her purpose to get a systematical education of human knowladge, which can only be provided
by universities.4 k4 _#
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To sum up, out of the purpose to get higher in social position, get more prepared for future
research or simply get more known, people choose to fight their way to the palace of
knowladge, colleges.
思路很清晰，文章也很连贯，文采也很好~~好厉害啊！:funk:
作者: DarthSidious 时间: 2009-8-19 15:37:57
To lisa_c
Nowadays, College students face more and more fierce (fiercer) competitions with (这里有点问题，应该不是与社会发展竞争，因该是应该是随着，前面加个along), the development of society we are not guaranteed jobs when we graduate from college. Why do we attend university? Many college students really don't have a clear reason for it. In my opinion, we come here for following three purposes, learning, preparing and experience.
The primary purpose for attending college or university is to learn more. College and university can teach student the footstone of future. The education here tells us how to be excellent in discovering, learning, investing, sharing, living, exploring, supporting, aspiring, thinking, creating, experiencing and succeeding. It is not only about basic theories but also about the basic truth of human beings. It (注意这里的两个It,上面那个应该是指education，但这里这个还是education的话，似乎education teaches us有点不对) teaches us to see things as they are, to go right to the point, to disentangle a skein of thought, to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant.
Another purpose is to prepare our career in the future. University education is a process to (个人建议这里用从句) lead and urge university students to achieve their socialization. As the saying goes, a college is a small society. It is a place where most people can see themselves making the transition to adulthood. On the one hand, we have a favorable environment in the university for us to prepare the necessary passports in the society. Apart from the College degree itself, we can also have time to get more certificates, such as National Computer Rank Examination, CET 6, BEC, CPA and so on. On the other hand （这个词好像只是两方面的时候用）, we can gain social interaction ability through four years of university life. College life is different from our previous school environment. There are many activities here to help us improve our interpersonal relationships and social skills.
Furthermore, the campus life is a memorable experience for us. College may be the closest one gets to heaven on earth. The school life is really simple and free. We will have years of great memories here. Some may meet many friends to share thoughts, feelings, hopes and aspirations as well as hurt, anger, longing and memories of painful or embarrassing experiences. Some may have a beautiful love in the university, walking on campus holding the hand of their lovers. Each of the college students can create a lifetime of meaningful memories.
To sum up, attending college or university helps us （漏了to）learn much, prepare for the future and have（help us to have似乎不妥） a great experience, In conclusion, Campus life is to be treasured.
作者: DarthSidious 时间: 2009-8-19 16:16:20
本帖最后由 DarthSidious 于 2009-8-19 16:46 编辑
To kira
首先谢谢你的评改，尤其是提醒了我例证的问题。
Accepting university education is becoming an extremley （extremely） attractive option to huge crowds of poeple (people). More academic people tend to obtain further degrees, such as master, phd (PhD), etc. However, the motivation of attending college varies form one individual to another. From my point of view, university education plays a rather significant role in one's life and the reason to explain this sort of tendency can be summarized as the following conclusion (reason 被summarized as conclusion么？似乎不太妥，全文的结论应该是为什么上大学才对，所以这也只是原因): knowledge driven and community driven.
To begin with, I strongly insist that the knowledge driven situation should be regard as the majarity. （是想用majority么？但这个词不是指最重要而是大多数）Nobody denies that university plays a vital and central（我觉得vital包含了central，所以没有并列关系） role in the higher education system. Because university education is the most powerful machine which is established in modern society, those who own the curiosity to get more konwledge and those who have the ambition to make breakthrough in their own spheres are strongly willing to take course in university. For example, since 1980s', huge amounts of chinese undergraduate students have （had）applied U.S universities and research institutions for get (删去) the opportunities pursuing master degree as well as Phd degree. They left far away from their parents, communities, companions, cities and motherland and flew beyond half a planet to an unfamiliar country not only to study abroad with scholarships but also for the exceptional academic reputation of U.S institutions（加个标点吧,）therefore they could obtain much advanced knowledge and technology.
Futhermore, a large quantities of people pursue university education hold the motivation of community driven. And this motivation could be splited as 2 factors: career reputation and treasure. As we can see, the criterion that modern society evaluates people becomes multiple. Nevertheless, individual's education background always ranks as top aspects (one of the top aspects). For instance, 3 precedent Intel chief executive officers including Robert Noyce, Gorden Moore, Andy Grove all own physical or electrical engineering phd degree from MIT, UC berkeley or Stanford. Apprently, their university education and research experience helps them a lot to their further career development.
To sum up, I assert the tendency that university education attracts huge amounts of people because of both knowledge and community assessment. Actually, these 2 reasons are reasonable，sustainable and universal.
文中有一些拼写错误(蓝色画出)，建议先用word检查，另外原文中标点符号之后没有和单词之间空格，比如经常有word,another word这种情况。逻辑上觉得挺好的。现在刚开始写托福作文，暂时只能看看语法词法，总体性的评价还不好说，正在看指导性的书，
作者: diamondcat 时间: 2009-8-19 18:55:22
本帖最后由 diamondcat 于 2009-8-19 19:16 编辑
TO judy
University is no longer a fresh word to people nowadays. Since the beginning of this century, more and more youngster choose to enter university after they have completed the study in high school rather than to join the army or become a(an) apprentice. For different people they have different reasons to make such kind a(删) choice, like to gain new experiences or increased(to update) knowledge. As far as I am concerned, the reason why I choose to go to university is to prepare for my career.
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Firstly, study in a university, most of us have to live in a different city from our parents and thus we must learn how to live independently. When I began my collage(college) life, I could nearly do nothing without my parents. I donot how to get rid of the stain on my white T-shirt which I've washed again and again and which mum could deal with it easily. I donot know how to clean the windows in my dorm as mum does in my house. However, I never gave up and I would ask my parents for help on the phone. Now, I have been the best "cleaner" in my dorm. Besides, after learning in this two years, I have picked up the skill how to bargain when on business.
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Another important skill we can learn during our collage(college) life is communication skill, which is one of the key factors for our success. When first come to the school, we try to know how to communicate with our roommates, who may have the opposite characteristic with us and get along well with them. After that, we learn how to communicate with our professors and classmates during a discussion in classes. Some students may join some unions, it offers more opportunities for them to obtain the ability to express himself and communicate with others.( E: B+ f9 P. K( z- D7 M- B, W: d
Most people claim that the most important thing during university is to study hard. Yet, I oppose it because I believe that learn how to study is more important. Frankly speaking, many people will not devote to the profession they are majored in now. However, if they have developed a good habit to learn knowledge they could learn anything well after graduation.- H6 ]* v% w4 N! Z2 o0 I
All in all, people who choose to enter university all have their hopes: to prepare for their social life sufficiently. At the same time, present university generally provides such an environment for people to achieve such goals. Therefore, when we see more and more fresh smiles on the campus of universities, let us just wish them a promising future.
1.每个观点都很好，例子很具体，但扣主题句不够好，你应该在三个body paragrahp中点明你所学的东西会如何地对你的career有帮助
2.结构很好，过度很自然
3.语言很流畅，但语法和拼写小错误还是有的。尤其是第一段最后一句特别明显，一定要避免
作者: diamondcat 时间: 2009-8-19 19:15:34
To ocean
Universities, especially famous ones, occupy the highest position in education system. 8 b# N& K* x' a3 l+ e
Meanwhile, the number and quality of a country's universities stands for the nation's
technology ability. Just because of universities' double importances in both education and
research fields, there are tempting reasons for people throught the world to fight to enter
them. Three of these reasons will be discussed in following passage.
A realistic bait for people （to go to college）is the high value of a college graduate identity. University $ | ~* p" I6 d& V& }/ ~1 B% [# m
students are usually considered to the best of all their ages, and there are reasons to
support. To enter a university, a student have to survive all his importand exams and enjoy
clear record of bahavior. Consequently, them(they) are supposed to be the smartest and most law
bidding citizens. That's not so hard to understand. The strongest survives.
Correspondingly, college graduates enjoy higher social position and many more chances to
csucdess than other group of people, right after their graduate. Take my hometown for & P( R+ m+ m$ o$ d2 r* m+ s
instance. The identity of college graduate has been an essential requirement of all superior 3 A2 P4 Q( Y- ]" i2 `8 p0 R
vocations. Only dirtiest不妥 vocations are open to all.
Another convincing reason for people to enter college is involved with career preparation.
University is one of the key paths to get into research work, if not the only. Research & @6 H% s) J% X2 [4 ^1 s( ?9 j
activities require some important abilities and experiences. A common knowladge of cutting-
edge progress, being familiar with paper reading and writing and the ability to use research 0 C8 o" ?; S3 g
tools, for instance.（这句话根本就不是一个完整的句子啊） And universities are perfect places to study accsssory knowladeg and / U% R4 X) c: V/ o- z
build up experience. Some research institutes, in fact, are just get started as college ! w5 v) n" u7 J- J U
training institutes.这句话什么意思？想表达一个比较么？应该在前面加一个In contrast否则跟不上你的思路:】
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The purest cause to go to university is the desire for knowladge. A proper illustration for
this can be the famous table tennis player DengYaping. After winning Olympic golden medals [4 t$ `/ l/ i1 U( g" m
for three times, she has, by all means, been a successer. However, she decided to leave : t4 u" K& w: q' F5 A6 Q
behind the sport field and go to TsingHua University then. I believe this action is out of
her purpose to get a systematical education of human knowladge, which can only be provided 0 ~+ I' @( { x$ J' D& A
by universities.6 W" i6 j4 c8 E
To sum up, out of the purpose to get higher in social position, get more prepared for future : H/ W& Y. q; e& z1 A
research or simply get more known, people choose to fight their way to the palace of & C0 P) s e8 P% o# C9 b( r6 g
knowladge, colleges
花个一个多小时打造这篇文章，看得出来是花了心思的。论证和结构都没有什么大问题。有些语法拼写错误不应该。
作者: 阿狸 时间: 2009-8-19 21:32:19
For some reason, people nowadays are eager to step into college to receive higher education, which is said to be likely to enable people to view things from a much broader aspect as well as specific professional angle. According to my view, I strongly recommend that people should at least have the general basic conception of what they are going to acquire from higher education before they enter the college. That is, prospective college students with various characteristics have to choose the college and major that are most suitable for themselves.
As is known to all, people who are possessed of gregarious and sociable nature are likely to attend college to get to know more friends and new environments. That means, these people develop an intimate relationship quite fast when set into a strange place, say, the university campus. With the talent in quickly adapting to the surroundings and figuring out what is going on around themselves, these students are likely to mainly focus their energy on subjects such as economics, managements or similarly related ones. In universities, they learn how to cope with more challenging problems set into all kinds of real world situations. They are also taught the knowledge to make the most use of their talents so as to come up with innovative and efficient methods to tackle difficult problems and satisfy unexpected requests. From the discussion above, we can see that certain kinds of people are expected to achieve the most of themselves in seeking for high education in society and human related fields.
It is also true that there are people who are not concerned or enthusiastic about social activities. These people go to college mainly with the purpose to fulfill their own ideals. For example, a quite and insightful person might find it attracting to calmly sit in a garden and sketch the trees and flowers with a painting brush, so he or she enters an art academy to receive professional instruction on painting. Still another example, a curious and serious person is likely to get into college to study the subject that he or she has decided to devote his or her whole life to--- mathematics, physics, chemistry, or any scientific field that requires accurate calculation and explanation. In conclusion, people are inclined to choose the study field which will optimize the outcome when combined with their own advantages.
Nonetheless, there are also people who are going to college in seeking for all round fulfillment of one’s physical and mental pursuit. People also go there to meet new friends, appreciate different culture, receive better career preparation, or simply for fresh and exciting experience. It is even commonplace to see that numerous people went to college without exact purposes and later gradually discovered their real interest and potential on campus.
补上昨天的作业。。。:L
作者: lisa_C 时间: 2009-8-19 21:50:42
7# DarthSidious
People will seek an opportunity to attend college or university for several reasons, but the most important or the most essential reason is to well prepare their career. That is to say, they want to learn the basis of specific field and to find chances to go into the field.
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The works in the modern society become more and more complex and technical, so a complete training can not easily be done by self study. However, the college or university has a long tested education system to many fields, they have good training mode, group of experienced faculty, abound library. The good training mode guarantees you could to master all the essentials in the field, the experienced faculty teaches you the knowledge luminously and foresighted, and good library permit you to do your study deeply and extensively.
The college or university also provides lots of opportunity(opportunities) to the field. This is not to say that the college have relevant work positions itself, instead, the college may establish some collaborate relationship with some companies or organizations which would like to accepted graduated students of this school as their new staff. And in addition, the company or the organization will pay enough attention to this kind of new staff, in another words, you would have more chances to be promoted. 4 p8 b: T+ s% k0 X! w7 ?7 F
These two aspects are important to people who want to a work in specific field?, suppose a man with no(not) enough expertise, there wouldn’t be any good position(positions) provided to him. And suppose a man full of knowledge but with no(not) chances to go to his field, it’s also hard to achieve a success. In fact, since these two points are so important and are only available in college or university, people would have willingness to get an admission.
总体
1.语言上，觉得很多地方的表达方式有些奇怪（有点想中式英语），不过我读的英文不多，可能是我的原因
2.内容上，结构性不是很好，感觉起来有些模糊，中间的小段可以有总结句，更加直观清晰
3.语法还是不提了，我也不懂>_<
作者: lisa_C 时间: 2009-8-19 22:12:56
8# kiralovely
Accepting university education is becoming an extremley attractive option to huge crowds of poeple.More academic people tend to obtain further degrees,such as master,phd,etc. however,the motivation of attending college varies form(from,这个应该是笔误吧^&^?) one individual to another.From my point of view(学习了^^）,university education plays a rather significant role in one's life and the reason to explain this sort of tendency can be summarized as the following conclusion:knowledge driven and community driven.% _2 `3 e$ c6 I" ^# X; d8 m$ f
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To begin with,I strongly insist that the knowledge driven situation should be regard(regarded) as the majarity(majority?).Nobody denies that university plays a vital and central role in the higher education system.Because university education is the most powerful machine which is established in modern society,those who own the curiosity to get more konwledge(knowledge又是笔误吧？) and those who have the ambition to make breakthrough in their own spheres are strongly willing to take course in university.For example,since 1980s',huge amounts of chinese(Chinese大写^^） undergraduate students have applied U.S universities and research institutions for get the opportunities pursuing master degree as well as Phd degree（这里语法上有问题？）.They left far away from their parents,communities,companions,cities and motherland and flew beyond half a planet to an unfamiliar country not only to study abroad with scholarships but also for the exceptional academic reputation of U.S institutions therefore they could obtain much advanced knowledge and technology.
Futhermore,a large quantities of people pursue university education holding the motivation of community driven.And this motivation could be splited as 2 factors:career reputation and treasure.As we can see,the criterion that modern society evaluates people becomes multiple.Nevertheless, individual's education background always ranks as top aspects.For instance, 3 precedent Intel chief executive officers including Robert Noyce,Gorden Moore,Andy Grove all own physical or electrical engineering phd degree from MIT,UC berkeley or Stanford.Apprently,their university education and research experience helps them a lot to their further career development.
To sum up, I assert the tendency that university education attracts huge amounts of people because of both knowledge and community assessment.Actually,these 2 reasons are reasonable，sustainable and universal.
总体
1.语言很好，上下文承接也自然
2.内容上，从knowledge和community 两个论点展开，而且首尾都很鲜明提出观点，一目了然，分别讨论时也做得很好。
3.可能打字快了笔误有几处^^，小细节上有些粗心（譬如必须首字母大些的单词）。
作者: 月下花魂 时间: 2009-8-20 12:14:59
本帖最后由 月下花魂 于 2009-8-20 12:17 编辑
To 阿狸：
For some reason (reasons), people nowadays are eager to step into college to receive higher education, which is said to be likely to enable people to view things from a much broader aspect as well as specific professional angle. According to my view, I strongly recommend that people should at least have the general basic conception of what they are going to acquire from higher education before they enter the college. That is, prospective college students with various characteristics have to choose the college and major that are most suitable for themselves. (开头怎么说呢，语言很强大，词汇也很多，但是有点像在打太极，最好直接道出你的观点)
As is known to all, people who are possessed of gregarious and sociable nature are likely to attend college to get to know more friends and new environments. That means, these people develop an intimate relationship quite fast when set into a strange place, say, the university campus. With the talent in quickly adapting to the surroundings and figuring out what is going on around themselves, these students are likely to mainly focus their energy on subjects such as economics, managements or similarly related ones. In universities, they learn how to cope with more challenging problems set into all kinds of real world situations. They are also taught the knowledge to make the most use of their talents so as to come up with innovative and efficient methods to tackle difficult problems and satisfy unexpected requests. From the discussion above, we can see that certain kinds of people are expected to achieve the most of themselves in seeking for high education in society and human related fields. (个人建议主题句一定要清新明了，另外对于主题句的说明要充分，觉得从开头看到现在有点八股的味道，建议可以把句子、词汇难度降下来，宁愿用短句，也要把问题说说清)
It is also true that there are people who are not concerned or enthusiastic about social activities. These people go to college mainly with the purpose to fulfill their own ideals. For example, a quite and insightful person might find it attracting to calmly sit in a garden and sketch the trees and flowers with a painting brush, so he or she enters an art academy to receive professional instruction on painting. Still another example, a curious and serious person is likely to get into college to study the subject that he or she has decided to devote his or her whole life to--- mathematics, physics, chemistry, or any scientific field that requires accurate calculation and explanation. In conclusion, people are inclined to choose the study field which will optimize the outcome when combined with their own advantages.（这一段写的非常好，主题清晰，例子也很有说服力，赞一个）
Nonetheless, there are also people who are going to college in seeking for all round fulfillment of one’s physical and mental pursuit. People also go there to meet new friends, appreciate different culture, receive better career preparation, or simply for fresh and exciting experience. It is even commonplace to see that numerous people went to college without exact purposes and later gradually discovered their real interest and potential on campus.（这段感觉思维有点乱，个人建议最好挑清楚某几个原因，然后展开详细论述）
个人觉得你的基本功非常的扎实，词汇和句型都很强大，但是可能对T作文的切题方法还没有掌握吧，这是第一篇，先仔细看看ＯＧ，揣摩一下，多练练，应该很快就上手了^_^
作者: colett 时间: 2009-8-20 13:04:54
我改的不是作文是寂寞！！！
我要奖品！！！
For some reasons, people nowadays are eager to step into college to receive higher education, which is said to be likely to enable people to view things from(这个搭配有问题) a much broader aspect as well as (是否该加a much more) specific professional angle. According to my view, I strongly recommend that people should at least have the general basic conception（这词和后面的内容不搭吧？） of what they are going to acquire from higher education before they enter the college. That is, prospective college students with various characteristics have to choose the college and major that are most suitable for themselves（长句子用的很牛逼啊！！）., S# N* [7 `7 }7 s D, C
0 e8 L, [. e9 G% x: ~& P8 GAs is known to all, people who are possessed of gregarious and sociable nature are likely to attend college to get to know more friends and new environments（和know搭配？）. That means, these people develop an intimate relationship quite fast when set into a strange place, say, the university campus. With the talent in quickly adapting to the surroundings and figuring out what is going on around themselves, these students are likely to mainly focus their energy on（可以这么用？用devote to不行么？） subjects such as economics, managements or similarly related ones. In universities, they learn how to cope with more challenging problems set into all kinds of real world situations. They are also taught the knowledge to make the most use of their talents so as to come up with innovative and efficient methods to tackle difficult problems and satisfy unexpected requests. From the discussion above, we can see that certain kinds of people are expected to achieve the most of themselves in seeking for high education in society and human related fields.（语言功底很好啊，不愧是特等奖啊）
5 W! x# \3 C" H7 X1 g& ~2 m; |
1 y; ?* k" k+ E4 _( yIt is also true that there are people who are not concerned or enthusiastic about（前面两个词的介词搭配好像不一样吧？） social activities. These people go to college mainly with the purpose to fulfill their own ideals. For example, a quite and insightful person might find it attracting to calmly sit in a garden and sketch the trees and flowers with a painting brush, so he or she enters an art academy to receive professional instruction on painting. Still another example, a curious and serious person is likely to get into college to study the subject that he or she has decided to devote his or her whole life to--- mathematics, physics, chemistry, or any scientific field that requires accurate calculation and explanation. In conclusion, people are inclined to choose the study field which will optimize the outcome when combined with their own advantages（这段写得真好，还能把自己素描的例子写上，不孬）.,（）% `/ M* @( h6 ?
& p7 b( v* T/ n- ?& |. ^# oNonetheless, there are also people who are going to college in seeking for all round fulfillment of one’s physical and mental pursuit. People also go there to meet new friends, appreciate different culture（别扭）, receive better career preparation（别扭）, or simply for freshing and exciting experience. It is even commonplace to see that numerous people went to college without exact purposes and later gradually discovered their real interest and potential on campus
阿里，你的水平果然不差，相信中文写作应该也很厉害吧，不学文科真是有点瞎了啊，不过总觉得你写这篇作文的时候不够认真，是因为在赶作业么？还有篇幅是不是有点长了啊？GRE也就是这个字数了吧。嘻嘻，我英语水平一般，自知批改的水平也高不到哪去，凑活着看看吧.
作者: oceanmaster 时间: 2009-8-21 11:39:08
People attend university for different reasons like new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge, to meet new people, to be specialized in a field, to change the city that they were born in, to make their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons. (文章首段的功能是引出话题，概括全文。这里引出话题的功能显然是完成了；但是相较于全文，手段并没有体现出概括全文结构的功能。)
(此外，这句话本身是没错的，但是在所举例子非常多的情况下，将他们一一罗列在句子中部，使整句显得拖沓，不如将其拆成长短句更有美感。比如：People have countless reasons to attend colleges. For examplt, XXX ,XXX, XXX,XXXX...如果能将理由简单分类以便于理解就更好了)
As human beings(因为是人类所以一定是programmed?如果是想表达我们人类就有这么个特点XXX的意思，不若用We man kind are just programmed.....), we are programmed to establish goals in our life.(再一次，段首句尽可能概括全段) One of the goals is the career or how we will earn the income and at what standard we want to live.(其实将句子作简单整理可以取得好得多的效果。One of these goals is to get a better career, which will probably decide your future income and thus , your living condition). If we want a high level (of) income and life (quality), then is (It is) necessary to choose a university or a college. Why? Because only if you are professional in the field that you want to practice then your income and life-level will be high. (为什么进入大学与未来高质量的生活必然划上等号？这里观点过于绝对，且没有展开。过多的篇幅浪费在了不相干的话上). L+
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Not all the teenagers that choose to enroll in a university or college know very well what they want to do with their life so their goals are not too specific. Then, they must be motivated by other reasons. One reason can be just to get out of the small towns or villages that they were born in and to go into a big city with so many opportunities. Imagine what a life (it can be)...new friends from different backgrounds, clubs(这里有歧义,会让人与上一句混淆以为是来自不同club的friends。写成all kinds of clubs来打断就好了), parties, freedom (the parents are not there)(the freedom from parents' goverening ). Maybe you just dream to know other societies (other) than yours (own) ...well, the borders are open now, and you can study in your dream country or society.
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Another reason to attend university is the level of knowledge that your are exposed to. Every day the amount of knowledge is getting bigger (不知道有没有这种搭配), more specific with each level. So many opportunities are open in your face, specialties that you did not know before. Is impossible not to find something that you like...molecular physics, behavior analysis, a philosopher that you agree with, genetic science etc. The environment will take you to the highest level. You just need to choose the field.
Finally, one of the most common reasons to attend a university is the family. It is more probable that, if you come from an intellectual family to attend university. It is a fact that the parental model is very important in the way you choose to live your life. The percentage of teenagers that attend university is much higher in intellectual families than in families where parents do not have degrees. Many persons attend university for the sake of their parents.
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There are many reasons to attend university. I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary. I am sure that there are many persons who regret that they had not attended a university, but none to regret that have a degree.
总的来说，猫的这篇逻辑还是比较清楚的，基本讲清了想要说的话。
不过文章给出了4个论点，其中第4个（受家庭影响而读大学）与前几个关系不大，所以我觉得可以省去，把更多精力放在前文比较好。
猫的文章有2个突出问题。
1是文中的语言并没有很好的组织，这就显得前后的逻辑关系含糊不清，并且不够优美。其实简单的复句结构，甚至几个联结词就能改善状况
2是篇幅安排不合理。一定要注意首句要能概括整段的的内容。论述时不要过多讨论无关的事情。
大家一起加油吧！！
作者: oceanmaster 时间: 2009-8-21 12:07:22
To lliisa
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University is no longer a fresh word to people nowadays.(这是中文思路吗？为什么不换一种更适合外国人的说法呐？笑~~A hundred has passed ever since the appearence of the firse modern university.) Since the beginning of this century(我来鸡蛋里挑骨头了，本世纪初是指2000年吗？结合我上一句的修改，这里可以是Since then ), more and more youngster choose to enter university after they have completed the study in high school rather than to join the army or become a apprentice.(个人意见，其实可以不必提参军等事) Different people (they删) have different reasons to make such (kind a删) choice, like new experiences or increased knowledge. As far as I am concerned, I choose to go to university is to prepare for my career.. N/ W% N4 C$ E+ X8 P
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Firstly, study in a university, most of us have to live in a different city from our parents and thus we must learn how to live independently(这句话似乎不很通顺). When I began my collage life, I could nearly do nothing without my parents. I donot how to get rid of the stain on my white T-shirt which I've washed again and again and which mum could deal with it easily. I donot know how to clean the windows in my dorm as mum does in my house. However, I never gave up and I would ask my parents for help on the phone. Now, I have been the best "cleaner" in my dorm. Besides, after learning in this two years, I have picked up the skill how to bargain when on business. ; T. z- M4 B% Z5 O
(这一段看得出来你是很用心在写，也有很多出彩的细节。然而，这一段的问题是致命的，他偏离了文章的主题。文章的目的是解释人们、或至少你去上大学的原因。而这一端却重在叙述你在大学中变得独立的经历。或许，你想表达变得独立就是你上大学的目的，但是那也应该有相应的语言来加以说明。)
Another important skill we can learn during our collage life is communication skill, which is one of the key factors for our success. When first come to the school, we try to know how to communicate with our roommates, who may have the opposite characteristic with us and get along well with them. After that, we learn how to communicate with our professors and classmates during a discussion in classes. Some students may join some unions, it offers more opportunities for them to obtain the ability to express himself and communicate with others.
（不错不错，这段写得很流畅，如果再稍加一点细节就更好了。 但是还是那个问题，你还是在说上了大学之后的收获。事实上，不上大学走入社会更可以锻炼沟通交际的能力。你必须抓住什么是大学所特有的！！）% B7 U( Z( T+ q- T( ^* F0 \
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Most people claim that the most important thing during university is to study hard. I oppose it because I believe that learn how to study is more important. Frankly speaking, many people will not devote to the profession they are majored in now. However, if they have developed a good habit to learn knowledge they could learn anything well after graduation.8 G7 R5 a8 H$ F4 A
（同样的问题）
All in all, people who choose to enter university all have their hopes: to prepare for their social life sufficiently. At the same time, present university generally provides such an environment for people to achieve such goals. Therefore, when we see more and more fresh smiles on the campus of universities, let us just wish them a promising future.
总结，总的来说，llii的优势很明显，这就是语言生动多变、细节丰富，表达很流畅。
但是缺点要注意：
1 你表达的时候惯用中文思路再翻译成英语，这未免有不协调之感。 建议你多积累一些原始说法，用英语的方式思考、说话。
2 在这篇文章中表现得很明显，你要抓住题目的关键。题目说的是为什么要上大学，那你就要抓住是什么让大学与众不同的，而不仅仅是自己在大学里的心得体会。否则，就浪费了你的语言和心血了~~
期待你的下一篇文章阿，:P
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