[我与雅思] 求大神们分析，如果我这么写——算不算跑题啊，跪求写作6.5啊！ [复制链接]

karen小心
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电梯直达

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发表于 2014-7-26 19:05:50 |显示全部楼层 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 karen小心于 2014-8-8 08:58 编辑

后记：最后出成绩了，这篇写作就是6.5,可是口语竟然差0.5！！！我无无语了。
好好加油，最后一次冲刺！一定行~！

2014-07-26雅思A写作：
Some people think that the environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, believe that the problems cannot be solved if individuals do not take some actions. Discuss both and give your own opinion.
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场上自我感觉良好啊~分了4段写。
可是下来，一看ZRQ的分析，说如果往政府或者企业方面扯就是跑题。
我的作文回忆了下，大概如下：

Nowadays, serious environmental problems have become the focus of public concern. Some people consider that it is not responsible for individuals to solve these problem while others approve of individual participation.

It is true that instead of residents, other large organizations like governments and environmental authorities can provide more systematical and valuable methods to environmental issues. For example, it seems possible for governments to supply a steady financial support for environmental campaigns thus raising the public awareness of environmental issues. -------中间还举了写例子，忘了。---Also, such funding can be used to invest in environmental-friendly technology ---enegy(举了例子：大概就是说这些大组织可以gathering更多的钱去研发一些新的环保科技)such as solar system and wind power. These seem impossible to be offered by individuals.

However, those people who agree with the importance of individual participation believe that such efforts from citizens play a vital role in solving environmental issues. Although efforts from other large organizations are enormous, without locals’ co-operation, such imposed policies will be meaningless. By contrast, if individuals give support to these environmental policies such as using bikes more instead of private cars, less exhausted fumes will be produced thereby having a positive effect on air pollution. In addition, raising the public awareness in the importance of environmental problems can be helpful to attract more volunteers to be environmentalists who aim to plan and design environmental-friendly activities to the public. 貌似还有一句总结句忘了。。。。。。。。

Personally, both individuals and the whole society are responsible for solving environmental problems. Only in this way can-------来了个倒装句。。。。。。。。。。

各位大神分析下，帮忙，感觉我确实好似有点跑题，可是我有绕回来。第三段对个人对环境的作用有效是有写到的。啊啊啊~~~这样的结构，还有可能6.5up吗？！！！

辛苦练了好久，现在看到ZRQ强哥的微博说这么句扯政府就是跑题，真是想死的心都有了！！！
分析，攒RP~求分手啊~~~