ISSUE30，求拍，谢谢

starrynightUID：204598

Issue30  第36篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分2秒     548 words
从2005年3月13日13时18分到2005年3月13日14时45分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
    With the rapid development of society, technology is playing more and more significant role in human's life. The speaker claims that the primary goal of technological advancement should be enhancing people's efficiency so that everyone can enjoy more leisure time. I concede that one aspect of the goal of technology should be to increase people's efficiency .However, I deem that the enhancement of efficiency indeed decrease people's leisure time. From my point of view, the primary goal of technological should be enhancing the quality of people's lives.
   
    In the first place, increasing efficiency is a significant goal of technological evolution. As we know, the science and technology are conducive for people to enhance the efficiency of productivity. A typical instance is the computer technology which is described one of the most outstanding inventions in human's history. The original purpose of computers is to help people rid of complex computation and enhance efficiency of computation. And nowadays, computers effectively exert their specific advantages such as rapid and accurate computation, exact control to the machine and so forth, which all greatly increase people's work efficiency. With the help of computer technology, people can enhance the speed of computation and guarantee the most precise result of computation, which means that people can do more works in a limit time than ever before and decrease the amount of mistakes during the work. In fact, in today's society, computers have been used in various fields and hence make great contributions to the enhancement of efficiency. Accordingly, no matter whether in industry or in agriculture, whether in education or in economy, technological advancement effectively enhances the people's efficiency.
   

    However, with the enhancement of people's efficiency, the technology indeed decline the people's leisure time. The more sophisticated the technology is, the more complicated knowledge people need. In today's society, the science and technology is developing so quickly that people have to spend more time in learning the new knowledge to keep pace with the advancement of technology. For example, the soft programmer, utilize the most advanced computer technology to develop the most effective software for the computer. However, the programmers are almost the busiest people in the world, because they must learn more and more new developing languages emerging in the world of computer, from the C language to Visual C++, from the JAVA to .NET develop environment. The new technology indeed enhances the efficiency of software development, while it also demands the programmers to spend more time to mater the new technology. Consequently, the new technology factually decreases the leisure time of people.
   

     Finally, I deem the primary goal of technological advancement should be to improve the quality of human. "Technology," once remarked Confucius ( with a little abridgement of mine)" is a good servant for the people's life." According to this, we can see that technological advancement should meet people's demand in everyday life and offer more convenient measures for people. Meanwhile, it is indispensable for technology to solve the serious problem such as environmental pollution, energy crisis which impair the quality of people. Only in this way, can technology embody its own merit and value for people, which will ultimately contribute to the harmony of society. It is people who invent the machines and manipulate the technology to make progress of society. Consequently, the main goal of technology should be enhancing the quality of human.
   
    To sum up, it is likely that people misunderstand the main goal of technology. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that serving people's lives and improving quality of people's lives is the final goal of technological advancement.

anotheroneUID：200591

With the rapid development of society, technology is playing more and more (increasingly more) significant role in human's life. The speaker claims that the primary goal of technological advancement should be enhancing people's efficiency so that everyone can enjoy more leisure time. I concede that one aspect of the goal of technology should be to increase people's efficiency .However, I deem that the enhancement of efficiency indeed (in fact) decrease (decreases) people's leisure time. From (In?) my point of view, the primary goal of technological should be enhancing the quality of people's lives.

In the first place, increasing efficiency is a significant goal of technological evolution. As we know, the science and technology are conducive for (to) people to enhance the efficiency of productivity. A typical instance is the computer technology which is described one of the most outstanding inventions in human's history. The original purpose of computers is to help people (get) rid of complex computation and enhance efficiency of computation. And nowadays, computers effectively exert their specific advantages such as rapid and accurate computation (calculation), exact control to the machine and so forth, which all greatly increase people's work efficiency. With the help of computer technology, people can enhance the speed of computation and guarantee the most precise result of computation, which means that people can do more works in a limit (limited) time than ever before and decrease the amount of mistakes during the work. In fact, in today's society, computers have been used in various fields and hence make great contributions to the enhancement of efficiency. Accordingly, no matter (删掉)  whether in industry or in agriculture, whether in education or in economy, technological advancement effectively enhances the people's efficiency.


However, with the enhancement of people's efficiency, the technology indeed decline the people's leisure time. The more sophisticated the technology is, the more complicated knowledge people need. In today's society, the science and technology is developing so quickly that people have to spend more time in learning the new knowledge to keep pace with the advancement of technology. For example, the (software) programmer, utilize the most advanced computer technology to develop the most effective software for the computer. However, the programmers are almost the busiest people in the world, because they must learn more and more new developing languages emerging in the world of computer, from the C language to Visual C++, from the JAVA to .NET develop environment. The new technology indeed enhances the efficiency of software development, while it also demands the programmers to spend more time to mater the new technology. Consequently, the new technology factually decreases the leisure time of people.例子稍微有点片面了 最好大众化一些 比如说看电视 然后说其实看电视不是 leisure activity 呵呵


Finally, I deem the primary goal of technological advancement should be to improve the quality of human. "Technology," once remarked Confucius ( with a little abridgement of mine)" is a good servant for the people's life." 那时的技术是？  呵呵According to this, we can see that technological advancement should meet people's demand in everyday life and offer more convenient measures for people. Meanwhile, it is indispensable for technology to solve the serious problem such as environmental pollution, energy crisis which impair the quality of people. Only in this way, can technology embody its own merit and value for people, which will ultimately contribute to the harmony of society. It is people who invent the machines and manipulate the technology to make progress of society. 这句话不怎么恰当 Consequently, the main goal of technology should be enhancing the quality of human. 这段论证不够有力

To sum up, it is likely that people misunderstand the main goal of technology. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that serving people's lives and improving quality of people's lives is the final goal of technological advancement.

starrynightUID：204598

谢谢呵：）
第四段已经没时间了，写的超级烂，孔子的话肯定是编的啦，没办法了，没时间又没有论据了，只能编了：）

icysockUID：155686

With the rapid development of society, technology is playing more and more significant role in human's life. The speaker claims that the primary goal of technological advancement should be enhancing people's efficiency so that everyone can enjoy more leisure time. I concede that one aspect of the goal of technology should be to increase people's efficiency .However, I deem that the enhancement of efficiency indeed decrease people's leisure time. From my point of view, the primary goal of technological should be enhancing the quality of people's lives.对ts的意见：“科技在一方面就是以提高效率为目的，但科技还是减少了闲暇时间。而你认为科技的主要目的是提高人们的生活质量”－这是你的观点，但这个生活质量我觉得太泛泛了，难道闲暇时间不是生活质量的一部分么？我觉得应该马上紧跟你对quality of life的阐释，这样会更strong的感觉

In the first place, increasing efficiency is a significant goal of technological evolution. As we know, the science and technology are conducive for people to enhance the efficiency of productivity. A typical instance is the computer technology which is described one of the most outstanding inventions in human's history. The original purpose of computers is to help people rid of complex computation and enhance efficiency of computation. And nowadays, computers effectively exert their specific advantages such as rapid and accurate computation, exact control to the machine and so forth, which all greatly increase people's work efficiency. With the help of computer technology, people can enhance the speed of computation and guarantee the most precise result of computation, which means that people can do more works in a limit time than ever before and decrease the amount of mistakes during the work. In fact, in today's society, computers have been used in various fields （such as... ...）and hence make great contributions to the enhancement of efficiency. Accordingly, no matter whether in industry or in agriculture, whether in education or in economy, technological advancement effectively enhances the people's efficiency.意见：1.我觉得你可以尝试变化用词，头两段读下来感觉总是碰到efficiency这个词，或许换个说法好些。2.论述这种不争的事实时候，比如你这个科技给人提高效率，个人感觉尽量写的具体，生动，而不仅仅是泛泛说，因为你说的大家都很清楚了，所以写这段的目的不是论述说服，而应该是用强烈的描述唤起读者的共鸣，否则他们会看着没感觉

However, with the enhancement of people's efficiency, the technology indeed decline the people's leisure time. The more sophisticated the technology is, the more complicated knowledge people need. In today's society, the science and technology is developing so quickly that people have to spend more time in learning the new knowledge to keep pace with the advancement of technology. 应该继续往下说啊，你只是说了一些事实而已，而这些事实背后的原因呢？而且，正是efficiency越来越高了，人们才不得越走越快，从而没有时间，你应该和上段接起来，跟着efficiency一气往下说啊，efficiency高了，所以发展越来越快了，相关行业，竞争对手的加速迫使自己更要加速，从而促进人们得干得更多，越来越快，从而最后闲暇少了－－－而这正是作者论调的反面－－－闲暇时间变少了。For example, the soft programmer, utilize the most advanced computer technology to develop the most effective software for the computer. However, the programmers are almost the busiest people in the world, because they must learn more and more new developing languages emerging in the world of computer, from the C language to Visual C++, from the JAVA to .NET develop environment. The new technology indeed enhances the efficiency of software development, while it also demands the programmers to spend more time to mater the new technology. Consequently, the new technology factually decreases the leisure time of people.意见：这段明白你的意思，例子也有说服力，但是我觉得分析得再深入，明确的证明题目到底是对的还是错的

Finally, I deem the primary goal of technological advancement should be to improve the quality of human. "Technology," once remarked Confucius ( with a little abridgement of mine)" is a good servant for the people's life." According to this, we can see that technological advancement should meet people's demand in everyday life and offer more convenient measures for people. Meanwhile, it is indispensable for technology to solve the serious problem such as environmental pollution, energy crisis which impair the quality of people. Only in this way, can technology embody its own merit and value for people, which will ultimately contribute to the harmony of society. It is people who invent the machines and manipulate the technology to make progress of society. Consequently, the main goal of technology should be enhancing the quality of human.建议：千万别写到这段来不及啊，那样太可惜了，建议你第一个body段控制住，它不是你的观点，而你的观点是这段啊。姑且不论这段论述，就你的观点：科技是为了提高生活质量的，就会有很多人持异议，科技发展主观上的目的好多，赚钱，战争，敬业，等等，而客观上它促进的也不仅是人们生活质量的提高，还有其他啊，比如促进知识思想进步，人类各方面能力的进步，教育水平等。所以一定要强有力的说服读者为什么只关注这一点；最后，关于生活质量，是个不确定的词，尤其是你主题句的核心词，要慎重。

To sum up, it is likely that people misunderstand the main goal of technology. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that serving people's lives and improving quality of people's lives is the final goal of technological advancement.
呵呵，一句好话都没说，别打我啊！其实我说的可能一部分是不太对的，一部分我自己就做不到。只是希望对你有所启发
优点很多啊：用词，句子，结构很舒服，字数也不少哦！
希望下篇看到你的飞跃！

starrynightUID：204598

非常感谢，自己最大的问题也就是论证不深入，你说得很好，有些东西自己忽略了，再次谢谢提醒！

connieUID：203382

With the rapid development of society, technology is playing more and more significant role in human's life. The speaker claims that the primary goal of technological advancement should be enhancing people's efficiency so that everyone can enjoy more leisure time. I concede that one aspect of the goal of technology should be to increase people's efficiency .However, I deem that the enhancement of efficiency indeed decrease people's leisure time. From my point of view, the primary goal of technological should be enhancing the quality of people's lives.开头有些太长了，不够精简，可以适当删掉一些东东

In the first place, increasing efficiency is a significant goal of technological evolution. As we know, the science and technology are conducive for people to enhance the efficiency of productivity. A typical instance is the computer technology which is described one of the most outstanding inventions in human's history就是in human history吧. The original purpose of computers is to help people rid of 个人觉得get rid of顺眼一点complex computation and enhance efficiency of computation. And nowadays, computers effectively exert their specific advantages such as rapid and accurate computation, exact control to the machine and so forth, which all greatly increase people's work efficiency.这两句好象老在重复一个意思，下边也是 With the help of computer technology, people can enhance the speed of computation and guarantee the most precise result of computation, which means that people can do more works in a limit time than ever before and decrease the amount of mistakes during the work. In fact, in today's society, computers have been used in various fields and hence make great contributions to the enhancement of efficiency. Accordingly, no matter whether in industry or in agriculture, whether in education or in economy, technological advancement effectively enhances the people's efficiency.


However, with the enhancement of people's efficiency, the technology indeed decline the people's leisure time. The more sophisticated the technology is, the more complicated knowledge people need. In today's society, the science and technology is developing so quickly that people have to spend more time in learning the new knowledge to keep pace with the advancement of technology. For example, the soft programmer, utilize the most advanced computer technology to develop the most effective software for the computer. However, the programmers are almost the busiest people in the world, because they must learn more and more new developing languages emerging in the world of computer, from the C language to Visual C++, from the JAVA to .NET develop environment. The new technology indeed enhances the efficiency of software development, while it also demands the programmers to spend more time to master the new technology. Consequently, the new technology factually decreases the leisure time of people.


Finally, I deem the primary goal of technological advancement should be to improve the quality of human. "Technology," once remarked Confucius ( with a little abridgement of mine)" is a good servant for the people's life." According to this, we can see that technological advancement should meet people's demand in everyday life and offer more convenient measures for people. Meanwhile, it is indispensable for technology to solve the serious problem such as environmental pollution, energy crisis which impair the quality of people. Only in this way, can technology embody its own merit and value for people, which will ultimately contribute to the harmony of society. It is people who invent the machines and manipulate the technology to make progress of society. Consequently, the main goal of technology should be enhancing the quality of human.

To sum up, it is likely that people the speakermisunderstand the main goal of technology. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that serving people's lives and improving quality of people's lives is the final goal of technological advancement.
句子里有好多用词多次重复，然后就是每段感觉结构都是一样的，没有什么变化