issue154 2006.2.23--MARS站队作业，请指教，谢谢各位老大

iven19821005UID: 2160156

154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

完全赞同，
1、虽然一名优秀教师的专业知识和奉献精神值得我们敬佩，但当他在教育不熟悉的学生的时候就需要熟悉他的人的帮助（孔子的话+分析）
2、从时间比例的分配上讲，孩子一周只呆两天不到，而其余的时间都是在父母身边，在社区里度过的。更不用说放假的时候了。所以光靠老师的力量是不够的（论述）
3、从对孩子的了解程度，父母参加教育，结合社区的特定活动，通过和老师的沟通，运用从教师那里得来的专业知识，正确教育孩子才识最好的。（survey）
字数：583

Recently, there is much debate on the education topics about whether parents and communities should involve in the whole procedure of teaching their children. Many people my sincerely believe that the teaching method in school is quite professional and has been verified by numerous generations, however one does not have to go very far to see the conclusion which is advocated by most educators that the only proper method of education is the harmonious cooperation among teachers, parents, children, even communities. Further more, hardly can education be effective without the help from parents and communities.

Admittedly, with the support of professional knowledge, tutors may be capable to teach students well, but it is impossible to cultivate every student elite. In addition some tutors’ capabilities and enormous contributions are worthy of our great respect, however does it mean parents could totally depend on their teachers on the important issue of the education of their offspring? Definitely, the answer is negative. Regarding to the words of great educator, Confucious, that “ if you know a thing to hold that you know it, and, if you do not know a thing to allow that you do not know it.” So the job of cultivate a child is akin the word before, if we know the child deeply, we can teach him well, but, if we do not know the boy or girl thoroughly, we should allow that we need the  help form people who know him well, those people are his or her parents and neighbors.

In addition, the reason for parents and neighbors, coming from the same communities, are more familiar with a certain boy or girl is obvious. Taking the total time of a week into account, that the whole time students spent in school is forty to forty five hours, the remaining period, about one hundred and twenty hours, is spent in house eating, talking, and playing with their parents, and in such a large time, the touch with neighbors are inevitable. Moreover, summer and winter holidays take almost three months, which makes students apart from their tutors. On the other hand parents possibly have only one child to care, but the quantity of students belonging to an educator may probably be forty. With limited vigor, it is really impossible for single teacher to cultivate all those forty boys or girls elites without support.

Last but not least, the analysis of children’s mind, body and vocal education by parents, activities held by communities are three elements of the very method of successful education. With a recent survey conduct by sociality department of Fu Dan University among the ten top universities in China, sixty five point seven undergraduates appreciate the care from parents, teachers, and communities, and the result also reveals that the better education interviewees receive, the better the relationship is developed. The researcher from campus uncovers that communication and cooperation has well established in most developed cities for their advancing education capability. So, taking the advantage of tutors’ professional consult, then assist to prolong the education period from eight hours to sixteen hours per day, from schools to communities and homes is very likely the best method for education.

In sum, it is very likely that people may not reach the same conclusion due to their different experiences and conflicting values on this controversial issue. Nevertheless, public awareness of the various dimensions of education will certainly contribute to thorough understanding on how important the alliance of teachers, parents, communities, and children is.

[ 本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2006-2-24 01:19 编辑 ]

kernelliuUID: 2133247

Recently, there is much debate on the education topics about whether parents and communities should involve in the whole procedure of teaching their children. Many people my//may sincerely believe that the teaching method in school is quite professional and has been verified by numerous generations, however one does not have to go very far to see the conclusion which is advocated by most educators that the only proper method of education is the harmonious cooperation among teachers, parents, children, even communities. Further more, hardly can education be effective without the help from parents and communities.

Admittedly, with the support of professional knowledge, tutors may be capable to teach students well, but it is impossible to cultivate every student elite. In addition some tutors’ capabilities and enormous contributions are worthy of our great respect, //这里最好另起一句吧，感觉有些突兀however does it mean parents could totally depend on their teachers on the important issue of the education of their offspring? //开头第一句已经是让步转折了，第二步可以直接陈述下去吧，再来一个让步转折的话容易看晕。 Definitely, the answer is negative. Regarding to the words of great educator, Confucious, that “ if you know a thing to hold that you know it, and, if you do not know a thing to allow that you do not know it.” So the job of cultivate a child is akin the word before, if we know the child deeply, we can teach him well, but, if we do not know the boy or girl thoroughly, we should allow that we need the  help form //from people who know him well, those people are his or her parents and neighbors.

In addition, the reason for parents and neighbors, coming from the same communities, are more familiar with a certain boy or girl is obvious //这句没看懂？一句里面有2个be动词？. Taking the total time of a week into account, that the whole time students spent in school is forty to forty five hours,//这里好像少了个连接词  the remaining period, about one hundred and twenty hours, is spent in house eating, talking, and playing with their parents, and in such a large time, the touch with neighbors are inevitable.  //这里的时间算法好像有点问题，事实上一周小孩子至少得睡50~60个小时吧，这个时间应该不能算 Moreover, summer and winter holidays take almost three months, which makes students apart from their tutors. On the other hand parents possibly have only one child to care, //这个也不一定，只能说孩子不多，但是现在一家好几个孩子的还是不少  but the quantity of students belonging to an educator may probably be //more than forty. With limited vigor, it is really impossible for single teacher to cultivate all those forty boys or girls elites without support.

Last but not least, the analysis of children’s mind, body and vocal education by parents, activities held by communities are three elements of the very method of successful education. With a recent survey conduct //conducted by sociality department of Fu Dan University among the ten top universities in China, sixty five point seven //少了percent？ undergraduates appreciate the care from parents, teachers, and communities, and the result also reveals that the better education interviewees receive, the better the relationship is developed. The researcher from campus uncovers that communication and cooperation has well established in most developed cities for their advancing education capability. //感觉例子的说服力有点不太高，65.7的百分点还是低了点…… So, taking the advantage of tutors’ professional consult, then assist to prolong the education period from eight hours to sixteen hours per day, from schools to communities and homes is very likely the best method for education.

In sum, it is very likely that people may not reach the same conclusion due to their different experiences and conflicting values on this controversial issue. Nevertheless, public awareness of the various dimensions of education will certainly contribute to thorough understanding on how important the alliance of teachers, parents, communities, and children is.

感觉楼主的语言还不错，缺点可能在论证过程上。后面两段的例子看了以后觉得有点像argue的题目了……（护头，楼主不要打我……）总之在严谨性上面还需要再改进一点啦。总的还是不错的，加油加油！

有空也帮我改改吧，谢谢啦~~

狂枫UID: 111399

154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

完全赞同，
1、虽然一名优秀教师的专业知识和奉献精神值得我们敬佩，但当他在教育不熟悉的学生的时候就需要熟悉他的人的帮助（孔子的话+分析）
2、从时间比例的分配上讲，孩子一周只呆两天不到，而其余的时间都是在父母身边，在社区里度过的。更不用说放假的时候了。所以光靠老师的力量是不够的（论述）
3、从对孩子的了解程度，父母参加教育，结合社区的特定活动，通过和老师的沟通，运用从教师那里得来的专业知识，正确教育孩子才识最好的。（survey）
字数：583

Recently, there is much debate on the education topics about whether parents and communities should involve in the whole procedure of teaching their children. Many people my sincerely believe that the teaching method in school is quite professional and has been verified by numerous generations, however one does not have to go very far to see the conclusion which is advocated by most educators that the only proper method of education is the harmonious cooperation among teachers, parents, children, even communities. Further more, hardly can education be effective without the help from parents and communities.iven兄，这个开头写得纯熟了，换一个练练吧

Admittedly, with the support of professional knowledge, tutors may be capable to teach students well, but it is impossible to cultivate every student elite. In addition, some tutors’ capabilities and enormous contributions are worthy of our great respect, however does it mean parents could totally depend on their teachers on the important issue of the education of their offspring? Definitely, the answer is negative. Regarding to the words of great educator, ConfuciousConfucius, that “ if you know a thing to hold that you know it, and, if you do not know a thing to allow that you do not know it.”第二次见到，认识了 So the job of cultivate a child is akinto the word before, if we know the child deeply, we can teach him well, but, if we do not know the boy or girl thoroughly, we should allow that we need the help form people who know him well, those people are his or her改say his or her 你看怎么样，concise一点麽？ parents and neighbors.

In addition, the reason for 用that通一点，毕竟后面是一个句子 parents and neighbors, coming from the same communities, are more familiar with a certain boy or girl is obvious. Taking the total time of a week into account, that the whole time students spent in school is forty to forty five hours, the remaining period, about one hundred and twenty hours, is spent in house eating, talking, and playing with their parents, and in such a large time, the touchconnection? with neighbors are inevitable这句有点变扭. Moreover, summer and winter holidays take almost three monthstogether, which makes students apart from their tutors. On the other hand parents possibly have only one child to care外国人可能不是浆子的波，他们会不会不懂为什么只有一个，不如说two or three, but the quantity of students belonging to an educator may probably be fortyor even more. With limited vigor, it is really impossible for single teacher to cultivate all those forty boys or girls elites without supportsingle-handedly这个怎么样，呵呵，今天英文课学的.

Last but not least, the analysis of children’s mind, body and vocal education by parents, activities held by communities are three elements of the very method of successful education. With a recent survey conduct by sociality department of Fu Dan University among the ten top universities in China, sixty five point seven undergraduates appreciate the care from parents, teachers, and communities, and the result also reveals that the better education interviewees receive, the better the relationship is developed好像relationship developed不是很合适，relationship似乎是很模糊的一种关系，而且记得没有形容词限定的话说A and B have a relationship是说有sex relationship，不如说the better the three aspects coordinate,你觉得呢？. The researcher from campus uncovers that communication and cooperation has well established in most developed cities for their advancing education capability先进的教学能力，指的什么？. So, taking the advantage of tutors’ professional consult, then assist to prolong the education period from eight hours to sixteen hours怎么来的16小时，除了8小时睡觉的时间啊，呵呵，绕了点吧 per day, from schools to communities and homes is very likely the best method for education.常常看到survey呢！是不是自己编的啊，我也学一招

In sum, it is very likely that people may not reach the same conclusion due to their different experiences and conflicting values on this controversial issue. iven哥哥，怎么又是这句啊，看你用了 more than twice 呢Nevertheless, public awareness of the various dimensions of education will certainly contribute to thorough understanding on how important the alliance of teachers, parents, communities, and children is.
1.噢，进步好快呢！
2．提纲很好的，把parents, community, professional teachers死死得扣在了一起了。
3．但是呢，似乎感觉incisive还是不够的，不过可能这个题目也确实是比较难incisive的，道理都摆在面上了。

4.哈哈，给人抢先了，好人有好报啊。

iven19821005UID: 2160156

1.可以，是差不多了。
2.对是多了层转折。
3.In addition, the reason (that) parents and neighbors, coming from the same communities, are more familiar with a certain boy or girl is obvious.
4.we should allow that we need the help form people, his or her parents and neighbors who...  插入语吧，简单吧。
5.应该用主语从句，明了一点。
6.谢谢，孩子的数量，是可以变变了。
7.relation 后面用补语，限定如何啊？
8.雷打动的survey，随便写啦。哈哈。
9.百分比么，要高就高吧，我觉得survey是告诉ets我会用调查数据来写议论文。我肯定ets也知道是假的。

真是感谢 kernelliu 和 狂枫 啊，改得好认真，向二位学习，至于里面小错我就补解释了，我同意二位观点。