argument174

lestouUID: 2260126

TOPIC: ARGUMENT174 - The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.

"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."
WORDS: 452         TIME: 00:44:34          DATE: 2007-12-12 15:09:01

The argument presented above is relatively sound, however, the author fails to  provide valid evidence to make his recommendation convinced.

First of all, the reliability and generality of the survey provided above is still open to questions. On the one hand, from the reliability, the methodology of the survey should be taken into consideration, which is closely related to the credibility of the result. Moreover, detailed information of the survey including the design of the questionnaires, inclusive/exclusive criteria, training of the performers and the interviewing technology should be listed and confirmed before readers make his judgment on the vitality of the result. On the other hand, from generality, the survey failed to cover students of all age, family background, and ethnicity so that the result may only represent merely a small proportion of the students who already study at C-C. Even if this survey does represent the true opinion of C-C students, it is also problematic to categorically trust it, because their opinion is influenced by teachers or decision makers of CC more or less. It is entirely possible that many high school students also wanted to study in CC, whose opinion is also crucial to CC, but their opinion is totally neglected.

The second element to consider is that, the arguer treats "attitude of coeducation" of alumni as the determinative factor in deciding whether they keep financial supporting or not. In fact, chances are that their attitude of coeducation is totally none business of their donation, and it is more likely that key point that they concentrated is actually the quality of students that CC cultivated for society, not gender.

Thirdly, the arguer implies that the morale of CC is low, but he does not give us any reason regarding why this happen. He even gratuitously conclude that keep the college all female will lead to a improve morale among students; however, there's no necessary cause- and-effect relationship between these two cases. Yet, if we think otherwise, it is much more possible that the morale among students will improved , perhaps very dramatically, after the reform of coeducation, especially when the argument mentioned that most faculty are in favor of this measure, and would probably attract more students to apply to G.

To sum up, it is important to come up with the idea of how to make the college developed, but it should based on convinced surveys, and cogent analysis. However, the arguer fails to do that. And, perhaps more importantly, from the respect of these CC decision maker, before any decision was made about this recommendation, it is better to think twice, after all we are living in a society where male and female living together eventually.

兰子UID: 2404184

写的蛮好的,主要的错误都挑了出来,进行了批驳,(很多我都没有想到,学习了)后面两段针对学校态度的分析也比较到位,
要是,第2段的批驳顺序在明显一些就好了,很长的一段,语言组织的再紧密一些会更好!

加油~

zyb_iceUID: 2417356

The argument presented above is relatively sound, however, the author fails to  provide valid evidence to make his recommendation convinced.

First of all, the reliability and generality of the survey provided above is still open to questions. On the one hand, from the reliability, the methodology of the survey should be taken into consideration, which is closely related to the credibility of the result. Moreover, detailed information of the survey including the design of the questionnaires, inclusive/exclusive criteria, training of the performers and the interviewing technology should be listed (这里有点牵强吧,文中不可能把所有的资料给出,难道要告诉readers询问的是几岁的人,他家是做什么的?training of the performers我看不出来这跟做个survey 有多大的联系,难道要说performers是受过高等教育的,为人和善什么的,他们设计了是这样问的,先问什么,再问什么,每个人怎么回答的?)and confirmed before readers make his judgment on the vitality of the result. (这个survey是个事实)On the other hand, from generality, the survey failed to cover students of all age, family background, and ethnicity so that the result may only represent merely a small proportion of the students who already study at C-C(同上,有些牵强). Even if this survey does represent the true opinion (请问为什么觉得他们没说实话?要么说明原因,要么不怀疑这点,这个survey是给了个事实,最好不要从人品上怀疑别人)of C-C students, it is also problematic to categorically trust it, because their opinion is influenced by teachers or decision makers of CC more or less.(题目说It is true
that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation ,既然这样学生应该更赞成coeducation) It is entirely possible that many high school students also wanted to study in CC, whose opinion is also crucial to CC, but their opinion is totally neglected.(这点比上面的更重要,可展开论述)

The second element to consider is that, the arguer treats "attitude of coeducation" of alumni as the determinative factor in deciding whether they keep financial supporting or not. In fact, chances are that their attitude of coeducation is totally none business of their donation,(最好不要太绝对) and it is more likely that key point that they concentrated is actually the quality of students that CC cultivated for society, not gender.

Thirdly, the arguer implies that the morale of CC is low(文中没有这样imply,只是说will improve morale among students,不能说明现在的morale就不行 ), but he does not give us any reason regarding why this happen. He even gratuitously conclude that keep the college all female will lead to a improve morale among students; however, there's no necessary cause- and-effect (cause and effect)relationship between these two cases. (你的本意我明白,但表达费解)Yet, if we think otherwise, it is much more possible that the morale among students will improved (为什么,说明原因), perhaps very dramatically, after the reform of coeducation, especially when the argument mentioned that most faculty are in favor of this measure, and would probably attract more students to apply to G. 次段思路不明

To sum up, it is important to come up with the idea of how to make the college developed, but it should based on convinced surveys, and cogent analysis. However, the arguer fails to do that. And, perhaps more importantly, from the respect of these CC decision maker, before any decision was made about this recommendation, it is better to think twice, after all we are living in a society where male and female living together eventually.
你的本意可能是
1.调查不详
2.校友给钱不在于性别
3.并不能improve morale
你每段用个TS很好,但要围绕这个写,第三点有些混.我觉得找主要逻辑错误,不必太在意survey.
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=778896&extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 zyb_ice 于 2007-12-14 03:43 编辑 ]