it was C's 26th birthday yesterday. he said his every cell tells him he is one year older. i think for men, being old is something really worthy of expecting. it means more insightful and by a greater chance, more charming. back here. i tried my best. cuz i m not sure if it was the first one and the last one as well. it is the reality. i cant help running away when i felt unhappy. mom said because i dont wanna be responsible for anyone any more. yeah, maybe, being responsible is something exhausted. who wants. maybe after i go over this. as long as you could gain your power from inside, you could survive without so many friends. if the dramatic and catastrophic relationship with Feng is the even which makes me face with the uncontrollable urgly side of human nature particularly for a good person, then the failure i experienced right now is something to let me get rid of the emotional attachment to friendship. maybe i am a bit biased when i said this. what if i were alone without C's companionship?
gods dont wanna me die. i originally made a plan today. if my boss said sth very harsh again, i didnt plan to argue or explain. I would come back to write letters to mom, dad , c and other friends and execute myself. but he didnt say anything...maybe i have hope, life still has a chance for me.