寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › 【clover】Argument147 习作by cyct

返回列表

查看: 1354|回复: 4

[a习作temp] 【clover】Argument147 习作by cyct [复制链接]

cyct
UID：2728144

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 5
寄托币: 253
注册时间: 2009-11-19
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-1-31 19:08:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 cyct 于 2010-2-1 10:02 编辑

第一次写，强忍着憋出来的，所以模仿的痕迹有点重，以后慢慢整理改正，ARGU先发，ISSUE还在努力中。。。。
147 The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

The conclusion of this argument is that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this claim, the arguer, basing on the survey, points out that it is the video games providing lifelike graphic which require the most up-to-date computers that are preferred by players. In addition, the arguer provides the evidence that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, several important concerns, which the arguer fails to address in this analysis, may seriously undermine the argument.

First of all, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might influence the sales of Whirlwind video games. As we know, the sales of video games depend on several factors besides the video games itself and advertisement. For instance, some other companies might have already provided similar products, which would significantly affect the market of Whirlwind video games and so does its sales. Besides, the factors that whether the players own the most up-to-date computers or the management in the company are neglected by the arguer. Therefore, even if players preferred the Whirlwind video games and the extensive advertising campaign was extremely successful, there is no guarantee that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the next few months.

Another fallacy in this argument is that no evidence is provided to indicate that people at 10 to 25 years old will play above-mentioned video games. It is possible that people at 10 to 25 are more likely to play other games rather than that with lifelike graphics, which is dramatically different from that at other age. It is true that the survey shows that the video-game players prefer games containing lifelike graphics, but without providing the percentage of people at different age in the survey, the arguer could not simply assume that the people at 10 to 25 years old will also prefer these video games.

Before I come into my conclusion, it is necessary to point another fallacy in the argument. The question in the survey is unwarranted that does not lead to the conclusion. On the one hand, other features besides the most important one may also influence the overall quality of a game, which also should be mentioned in the survey. On the other hand, the factors rather than video games itself should also be considered in the survey, such as the customer's income, competitors and market potential, all of them will significantly influence the sales. Only if all factors were considered, the arguer can draw a reasonable conclusion.

In conclusion, the argument for video games based on feature preference survey could not lead to a conclusion that the sales of the Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must take account of other factors that will also influence the sales. Moreover, we need more information about the preference of people at 10 to 25 years old in order to solidify the argument.

argu, cyct

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.08.31

回应
0

使用道具举报

wcnk
UID：2546550

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 4
寄托币: 312
注册时间: 2008-9-15
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2010-1-31 22:35:46 |只看该作者

顶一个~~

使用道具举报

tofee
UID：2485486

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 2
寄托币: 366
注册时间: 2008-4-20
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2010-1-31 23:56:09 |只看该作者

1 First of all, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might influence the sales of Whirlwind video games. As we know, the sales of video games depend on several factors besides the video games itself and advertisement. For instance, some other companies might have already provided similar products, which would significantly affect the market of Whirlwind video games and so does its sales. Besides, the factors that whether the players own the most up-to-date computers or the management in the company are neglected by the arguer这里的computer是什么我也没搞明白，看看大家怎么说. Therefore, even if players preferred the Whirlwind video games and the extensive advertising campaign was extremely successful, there is no guarantee that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the next few months.
即使广告成功，产品吸引人也不一定大卖-----------------其他原因（而不是广告和产品）影响销售（市场饱和，硬件不支持）
2 Another fallacy in this argument is that no evidence is provided to indicate that people at 10 to 25 years old will play above-mentioned video games. It is possible that people at 10 to 25 are more likely to play other games rather than that with lifelike graphics, which is dramatically different from that at other age. It is true that the survey shows that the video-game players prefer games containing lifelike graphics, but without providing the percentage of people at different age in the survey, the arguer could not simply assume that the people at 10 to 25 years old will also prefer these video games.
调查可能误导了----------此video game 彼 video game
3 Before I come into my conclusion, it is necessary to point another fallacy in the argument这句话可以不要么. The question in the survey is unwarranted that does not lead to the conclusion. On the one hand, other features besides the most important one may also influence the overall quality of a game, which also should be mentioned in the survey. On the other hand, the factors rather than video games itself should also be considered in the survey, such as the customer's income, competitors and market potential, all of them will significantly influence the sales. Only if all factors were considered, the arguer can draw a reasonable conclusion.
调查不够详细不够有说服力
2和3段都是在说调查的问题
4 In conclusion, the argument for video games based on feature preference survey could not lead to a conclusion that the sales of the Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must take account of other factors that will also influence the sales. Moreover, we need more information about the preference of people at 10 to 25 years old in order to solidify the argument.
题干的框架是这样的
1
玩家喜欢lifelike游戏------》新游戏是lifelike
2
10-25岁喜欢游戏---------》已经在10-25岁投放广告
1+2-------最近几个月销售量增大
文章对其中个问题进行了分析，一个是“1+2”，另一个是survey不完善，虽然survey不完善很明显，但是单纯批驳有点“吹毛求疵”（刚看了庖丁解牛的那个帖子）
“喜欢不一定就会购买”我决的这是一个明显的不足，作者没有写。

使用道具举报

cyct
UID：2728144

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 5
寄托币: 253
注册时间: 2009-11-19
精华: 0
帖子: 1

地板

发表于 2010-2-2 09:42:06 |只看该作者

第一次修改

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

使用道具举报

桔子susan
UID：2754084

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 9
寄托币: 533
注册时间: 2010-1-24
精华: 0
帖子: 18

5楼

发表于 2010-2-2 16:35:21 |只看该作者

桔子修改

147 The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

The conclusion of this argument is that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this claim, the arguer, basing on the survey, points out that it is the video games providing lifelike graphic which require the most up-to-date computers that are preferred by players. In addition, the arguer provides the evidence that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. However, several important concerns, which the arguer fails to address in this analysis, may seriously undermine the argument. （我觉着重复作者的观点太罗嗦，最好精简一下）

First of all, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might influence the sales of Whirlwind video games. As we know, the sales of video games depend on several factors besides the video games itself and advertisement. For instance, some other companies might have already provided similar products, which would significantly affect the market of Whirlwind video games and so does its sales. Besides, the factors that whether the players own the most up-to-date computers or the management in the company（画线部分是并列的关系，由于后半部分缺少动词，你这样就成了在表述玩家拥有最先进的电脑和公司的管理，说不通。还有whether…are neglected by the arguer。这个表达有问题，改为whether…remain unknown比较好） are neglected by the arguer. Therefore, even if players prefer the Whirlwind video games and the extensive advertising campaign is extremely successful, there is no guarantee that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase in the next few months.（这个结论与观点不符呀。观点是人们是不是prefer the Whirlwind video games还不知道呢，有很多因素影响的。结论咋就成为prefer the Whirlwind video games？）

Another fallacy in this argument is that no evidence is provided to indicate that people at 10 to 25 years old will play above-mentioned video games. It is possible that people at 10 to 25 are more likely to play other games rather than that with lifelike graphics, which is dramatically different from that at other age. It is true that the survey shows that the video-game players prefer games containing lifelike graphics, but without providing the percentage of people at different age in the survey, the arguer could not simply assume that the people at 10 to 25 years old will also prefer these video games.
你的观点：10到15岁的孩子是不是喜欢生动画面的游戏，还不知道，这里的原因你分析是因为调查不全面于是不能推出结论。

In addition, the question in the survey is unwarranted （改为the unwarranted question in the survey 更佳）that does not lead to the conclusion. On the one hand, other features besides the most important one may also influence the overall quality of a game, which should also be mentioned in the survey. On the other hand, the factors rather than video games itself should also be considered in the survey, such as the customer's income, competitors and market potential, all of which will significantly influence the sales. Only if all factors are considered, the arguer can draw a reasonable conclusion.
你这一段前面是说这个调查的不确定性，然而这一段不合理性的分析又与你前两段叙述重复，画线部分成了提意见，而不是分析作者推理的不合理性。

In conclusion, the argument for video games based on feature preference survey could not lead to a conclusion that the sales of the Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must take account of other factors that will also influence the sales. Moreover, we need more information about the preference of people at 10 to 25 years old in order to solidify the argument.

语法没有太大问题，我觉着文章的逻辑还有点乱，分析不够有说服力。

使用道具举报